Valduggery drabbles friendshipromance
by Sabrina Sparrow
Summary: Just some drabbles, some friendship, some romance. I hope you like them! ... Okay okay! So I know that they're too long to be drabbles - but forgive me! Enjoy xoxo
1. Valduggery: Pretty

**So my drabbles start here :)**

**I'm new to this, and I hope you like :)**

**These chapters dont continue on from each other... they're individual drabbles :)**

**Of course I don't own these characters, they are Derek Landy's brilliant creation - I am simply borrowing them for my fanfics :)**

**Enjoy :)**

**Sabrina Sparrow x  
**

"We didn't die." Noted Valkyrie.

"Of course we didn't die." Skulduggery sounded sure of himself. "I'm far too clever to die and you're too pretty!"

_Pretty?_ He thought. _Pretty is an understatement! She's gorgeous! She's so heart-stoppingly, breath-takingly, mind-blowingly gorgeous! Why don't you tell her she is so stunning?_

He would never tell her that though. It didn't matter how attractive he thought she was he wouldn't tell her. For he was a skeleton. And no one could ever love a skeleton. It was just too... impossible. A skeleton could never be truly happy.

Valkyrie grinned.

_God she looks so amazing when she smiles._ Skulduggery's mind noticed not for the first time.

"I _am_ pretty." She agreed.

_No my dear Valkyrie. You are beautiful._


	2. Valduggery: Boo!

**Valduggery: Boo!**

Skulduggery sighed. Why did he have to come? He'd never been trick or treating before in his life, and if it weren't for Valkyrie dragging him along tonight, he would of never gone trick or treating ever! Still he had agreed and he waited for her at the pier, looking out over the sea.

He heard her come running up to him. He turned to look at her and laughed.

"What's so funny?" She demanded.

"Your costume." He explained. "It's highly amusing."

She was dressed as a vampire. Or at least how a vampire was _supposed_ to look to mortals.

He continued. "We both know vampires don't really look like that, Valkyrie."

"I know, but if I dressed as a vicious, naked, pale monster I probably won't get any candy."

If he had lips he might well have been pouting. "I can't even eat candy anymore." He muttered.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't moan. Now where's your costume?"

He looked at her. Was she missing the glaringly obvious fact? He was a living skeleton!

"I don't need a costume, Val."

She frowned. "Yes you do."

"I don't. I am a living skeleton –a particularly well dressed skeleton- but a living skeleton nonetheless. I am scary enough as it is."

"You're not scary, Skul."

"Am too! I'm terrifying! Practically intimidating."

"Yeah, you're really not."

"Well you are dressed like an unimaginative vampire." He stated childishly.

She sighed. "Wait here."

Valkyrie ran back to her house and returned in ten minutes holding a large white bed sheet.

"Here." She handed it to him.

"And what may I ask is this?"

"A present."

"Let's hope it better than the last present you gave me."

She sighed exasperatedly. "You just didn't get the joke."

"Lipstick, Valkyrie?"

"It was a joke!" She fumed.

He laughed loudly, pleased that he had wound her up so much. He took the sheet from her before she started hurling fireballs.

"What is it?" He inspected the sheet.

"Your costume." She smiled brightly. She helped him put the sheet over his head. She stood back and burst out laughing. He was wearing a bed sheet that had two circles cut out for eyeholes. He hadn't even bothered to take off his hat so you could still see the shape of the fedora around his head.

"What's so funny?" He asked, totally unaware of how ridiculous he looked.

"You look so stupid you goon!" She clutched her sides.

"Please stop laughing at me, Valkyrie."

"You have no idea how hard I am trying!"

"Liar."

"I know."

Valkyrie straightened up and smiled.

"Shall we go?" He suggested.

"Yup." She said, popping the P. She went to turn but he stopped her.

"Do I look scary now?" He asked, a smile evident in his tone.

"Terrifying!"

If he had lips he would be smiling. He chuckled to himself. "Boo!"

**Some romance coming up soon so please don't fret! :)**


	3. Valduggery: Much better

**Here is a bit of romance you Valduggery lovers :)**

Valkyrie Cain, now eighteen, was happy at first to accept Tanith's offer to be her and Ghastly's bridesmaid. However now as she looked at the dress she was expected to wear, her thoughts had shifted slightly. It's not that it didn't look nice – it really did! It was just so... girly. It was pink, and tight, and made of shiny satin.

Tanith stared at her friend with wide eyes. "Do you like it?" She grinned.

"It's definitely...nice." Valkyrie nodded. "And pretty and... and pink. It's very, very pink."

"You don't like it." Tanith's face fell.

Valkyrie took the dress from her. "No. I love it. Really. So what if I have to play princess for the day, right?"

_And so what?_ Valkyrie reasoned. _It's only for one day. And if Skulduggery teases me –like I know he will- then I will get him back for it later!_

"Right!" Tanith beamed.

She left Valkyrie to get dressed. They were in Skulduggery's house, just the three of them. Ghastly was busy at a meeting with the council of elders, otherwise he would be here too. After he had discovered a way to save Tanith from the remnant that had possessed her for so long, he rarely ever left her side.

Valkyrie looked at herself in the dress, in Skulduggery's full length mirror. To her complete and utter surprise she found herself mesmerised by the dark-haired beauty looking back at her. It was amazing how a simple dress could make her look so... _different._

She walked out to find Tanith, who cupped both hands over her face when she saw her beautiful friend.

"You look stunning." Tanith stared.

"You think so?" Valkyrie looked down at herself. "I don't look silly? You know, being all dolled up and all?"

"You look gorgeous."

"Thanks."

"I mean it, Val."

"I know."

Tanith rolled her eyes. "You _have_ to go show Skulduggery."

"He won't care." Valkyrie snorted. "He will probably just laugh."

"All the same." Tanith guided her friend to the door of the living room where Skulduggery resided. "Go and show him."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and groaned as she did as she was told. She walked into the room and shut the door behind her.

Skulduggery looked round at her from the chair he was sitting in, but didn't say anything.

"Do you like it?" Valkyrie asked, doing an obligatory twirl.

Skulduggery said nothing still.

"Is that a yes?" She mused. "A no? Or are you just trying not to laugh?"

Silence.

She frowned and marched over to him. His gaze followed her.

"What's wrong?" She demanded.

"Nothing." He managed to find his voice.

Skulduggery looked at her. She looked so beautiful. She was so completely and utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful.

"So what do you think of my dress then? I know it's a little girly, and if it wasn't for Tanith's wedding I wouldn't be caught dead in pink, but I-"

"You look perfect." He cut her off. "Just... perfect."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. Skulduggery sighed and rested his head in his hands, frustrated.

"Are you okay?" She asked uncertainly.

A moment passed.

"Skulduggery?" She repeated.

"No, Valkyrie, I'm not." His voice was shaky.

"What's wrong?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes you. Do you have any idea how difficult you're making this for me?"

"Erm... what do you mean?" She was beyond confused. She was utterly baffled.

He raised his skull from his bony hands and looked at her. "How could you not understand?" He said. "I am awful at restraining myself around you! I'm terrified that every time I look at you my true feelings may gush out before I have time to control them! How could you not notice that?"

She stared at him. What was he saying? Did he really feel the same way about her as she did about him? No. Of course he couldn't. He would never love her back. But then why was he saying this? Better just act dumb.

"I'm not too sure I know what you mean." She stammered.

Skulduggery stood up and looked at her face on.

"You come in here, dressed like that, making yourself more beautiful than possibly thinkable, and you expect me to just... just... ignore it?"

Valkyrie stared at him, compelled by his words. It was odd to see him so open and vulnerable... and _human_. The great skeleton detective had a weakness after all, and its name was Valkyrie.

"Well..." She began but found herself unable to think of what else to say. It was like she was in some backwards fairytale. She was the princess – sort of – and he was her prince... only he was a living skeleton. In all fairness it was nothing like a fairytale at all.

"I know." He mumbled. "I'm an idiot. I'm the remains of a dead man and I've fallen in love with a girl."

"I'm not a girl anymore." Valkyrie voice was barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry?"

"Skulduggery... I... I..." Her voice cracked and a tear rolled down her cheek.

He rushed over to her. "And now I've upset you. I'm sorry, Val."

She shook her head. "No it's not that."

"What is it then?"

She looked up at him with blurry eyes.

"You don't know how happy I am." She choked out.

Before he could question her, she was grabbing onto his suit jacket and pulling him closer to her. She kissed him where his lips should have been. When he pulled away she though she must have misunderstood what he was talking about.

However, he dug his fingers under his shirt collar and tapped the symbols etched into his collar bone. A façade with black shaggy hair and big blue eyes covered his high cheekbones and square jaw.

He pulled her back into the kiss, and muttered next to her lips. "Much better."

**More love, adventure and excitement to come!**


	4. Valduggery: Comfort

**Hey guys, this is a re-upload of this story, after I re-wrote it and gave it to Derek Landy when I met him at a book signing. I hope you all like it better than the original chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

Valkyrie Cain stared at the mouth of the cave, unwilling to go in. It was dark, and damp, and it smelled of rotting flesh. Skulduggery was lucky he didn't have a nose.

Skulduggery Pleasant looked at her.

After a heartbeat she said, "After you," and nodded her head in the general direction of the cave.

If Skulduggery had eyebrows he would have frowned. "Why do you want _me_ to go first? Is there something about this cave you're not telling me?"

"You _always_ go first." She reminded him. "Besides, I'm a helpless little girl and you're the big strong man."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Well, technically I'm not even a man anymore – I'm a skeleton. And secondly, you're hardly a little girl anymore – you're eighteen."

This was a very true fact. And although Skulduggery kept forgetting it, his best friend had indeed grown up. It just seemed that all of the sudden, her cute, child-like features had lessened and her face had grown more slender to make way for her new, beautiful, yet strong features.

Her black hair was so long by now that it was nearing her waist. Her eyes were so dark they gave ebony a run for its money, and she had long, thick eyelashes that most women would die for.

It was bizarre to Skulduggery, how much someone could change and blossom in the space of five years, especially since he, himself, was forever unchanging. He found the thought rather depressing, in fact. It felt like everyone else around him was living their life, growing up, getting married, having children, and he was just being left behind. With each year that passed, he was yet another year behind.

This was the tragic fate of being a living skeleton.

He was so lost in his own train of thought he wasn't listening to a word Valkyrie was saying.

She waved a hand in front of his eye sockets. "Hello? Earth to Skeleton Detective?"

He shook his skull, jumbling around all his thoughts, banishing all depressing ones. "Sorry, Valkyrie, you were saying?"

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "I was asking what you point was. So what if I'm eighteen? You're still going in first, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery sighed and got out his gun. "Very well."

He led the way to the opening of the cave with his dark-haired partner following closely behind. She was so close he could feel her breath on his spinal column. It made him chuckle. She was obviously anticipating going in. In which case why wouldn't she just go first? Unless she was scared, but he very much doubted that.

They ventured deep into the cave; the tunnel they were travelling though was sloping slowly downwards. The further they went the worse the smell got.

"Jesus Christ." Valkyrie muttered putting her sleeve over her nose.

"Is something the matter?" Skulduggery glanced at her.

Her answer was muffled. "The _smell!"_

He shrugged. "It doesn't bother me."

He picked up his pace and swiftly moved further in front before she had a chance to punch him.

They continued to walk for ten more minutes before Skulduggery abruptly stopped. Valkyrie wasn't paying attention and bumped into him. He barely buckled on the impact but Valkyrie was sent sprawling back. Skulduggery's arm snapped out behind him and caught her by the waist before she could fall.

"Thanks." She steadied herself. "Why did we stop?"

Skulduggery read the air. "I think there is something down there."

"Oh." She frowned. "That's never good."

"No, not usually."

"Um, what is it exactly?"

"Hmm?"

She nodded at the darkness in front of them. "What is waiting for us down there?

"Oh!" He said, understanding. "Actually, I haven't a clue."

She rolled her eyes. "You're a fantastic detective, Skul. No really, you are."

"I'm aware."

"I was being sarcastic."

"I am aware of that too." He glanced back at her. "And I wish you wouldn't do it so often."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "You are sarcastic all the time."

"That's because on me it works."

She rolled her eyebrows. "Oh, please! I _own_ sarcasm, and don't ever remember giving you permission to use it."

He sighed with mock sadness. "Where is the sweet, naive, little twelve year old Valkyrie I first met all those years ago?"

"I don't ever recall being naive, Skulduggery. Now will you please stop insulting me, and can we go down there and kick some scary-monster-but?"

Skulduggery read the air again. "Oh, there won't be any need for us to go get it. It would appear that it's coming to get us. How thoughtful of it."

"_What?"_ She hissed.

"And I think it's bringing some of its friends."

"So what do we do now?" She asked. "Wait for them to come and get us? These... things?"

"These 'things' maybe harmless school children for all we know, Valkyrie."

"How many harmless school children do you know that live in a cave and reek of dead people, Skulduggery?"

"Fair play." He nodded "Perhaps we should make a run for it?"

"Nice plan." Valkyrie smiled.

They turned to exit the way they had come but they saw that a dozen rotting figures in tattered clothing, with starved looks on their faces, were blocking their exit.

Zombies.

"So _that's_ where they were coming from." Skulduggery muttered.

"What do we do now?" Valkyrie asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"Let's go a different way."

She nodded and they turned, to continue to walk – or rather, run – deeper into the cave. However another pack of zombies were blocking their path there too.

"Well, Valkyrie, you were right. These certainly aren't school children." Skulduggery mumbled.

"What do we do now?" Val asked quietly as the zombies began to circle them in an uncoordinated manner.

"Well," Skulduggery spoke in a hushed tone, "the important thing is to not panic."

"Right." She nodded.

"And if that fails... hurl fire balls like there's no tomorrow!"

She didn't need telling twice. She conjured a flame that danced across her fingertips, and let it grow until it got so big she had to hold it with both hands. When satisfied with the size of her blaze, she threw it into the chest of the zombie closest to her. Then she threw another. And another. Each time a zombie was engulfed by the fire, they stumbled to the ground and writhed in pain and confusion, trying unsuccessfully to extinguish their torsos. She saw Skulduggery out of the corner of her eye doing exactly the same.

Skulduggery shot six of the zombies in the chest, killing them. He went to re-fill the gun and cursed when he realised he didn't have any spare bullets. It looked like he was just going to have to rely on his magic.

Skulduggery splayed his hands out in front to him and sent a wall of air hurtling towards some of the zombies, knocking them down like bowling pins. Valkyrie followed his example and used her necromancer ring to send tendrils of shadows snapping out at the un-dead creatures, sending them flying across the cave.

However, it didn't seem to matter how many of the zombies they knocked down, they just kept on getting back up, and more and more just seemed to keep on filing in. Skulduggery and Valkyrie didn't even realise they were being backed into a corner. When they did it was too late. Valkyrie subconsciously grabbed onto Skulduggery's hand, and he squeezed back, reassuringly.

Deformed arms clawed at them, aiming especially for Valkyrie's fleshy face. Skulduggery shielded her with himself swatting away their attempts to grab her. They wanted her tasty, human skin. They wanted to peel it from her body with their razor-sharp, yellow teeth and fight amongst themselves to see who would get the most of the human delicacy.

Skulduggery could _not_ let that happen. He wouldn't. End of. He would always guard her with his life. She _was_ his life now in so many ways. He realised her grip on his hand was tightening by the second. It was actually beginning to hurt.

Yes, she was _definitely_ scared.

Suddenly, a head-splitting roar resounded in the cave, bouncing off the decaying walls, and echoing in Valkyrie's ears. All the zombies fell silent. They instantly stopped their attack and stood there motionless, staring at their pray with hungry eyes.

Skulduggery's stance didn't falter. Not for one second. Valkyrie stood behind him, one hand still in his, the other ready to start hurling more fireballs if necessary.

A new figure started making his way through the horde of the un-dead and stopped a few meters away from his new prisoners. He had thinning black hair and dull grey eyes. A deliciously wicked smile played across his pale lips. He had the skeleton detective and his pet girl as his new captures, his new 'play-things'. What could be better?

"Venom DarkShadow." Skulduggery addressed the man in a deadly tone. "You're supposed to be behind bars in Poland."

"I escaped." Venom smiled, his lips twisting into a sneer.

"Now why would you go and do a silly thing like that for? You should know we'd come after you."

"I had a score to settle."

Skulduggery's head tilted. "Oh, really? Revenge eh? Anyone I know?"

"I'm talking about _you_, you moronic pile of bones!" Venom spat.

"Now, that's no way to talk an old acquaintance after you haven't seen them in years, is it?"

"We are not acquaintances, Skeleton! I _hate_ you!"

Skulduggery sounded offended. "But, Venom, I _like_ you."

Venom seemed to be seething. "Then why did you bury me alive, you monstrosity?"

"It wasn't a good time for me. I was having a bad hair day. Not in the best of moods. I'm sure you understand."

"I want to kill you for what you did! You _buried me alive!"_

"You're seriously still upset about that? I didn't think you were one to hold a grudge, Venom. I thought you were beyond all that, to be honest. It's kind of sad really."

"Do not irk me, Skeleton! You are surrounded by my zombie horde! You are in no position to irk me!"

Skulduggery cocked his head to one side. "_Irk_ you? Is that even _legal?"_

Venom looked like he was about to explode. His face was going an unsightly shade of red, his eyes bulging with anger.

Skulduggery had told Valkyrie about Venom DarkShadow. He was a merciless killer who kidnapped children to feed to his zombie horde to make them strong and vicious. Then, he intended to use his horde to overthrow the Sanctuaries of the world, making him the one in charge, and giving him absolute power. It was such a ridiculous plan that DarkShadow must have been completely deranged to even think it might actually work.

Skulduggery had faced him a few years ago in a battle in Poland. He had knocked Venom out, then buried him alive and waited for the Polish Sanctuary authorities to find him and arrest him. The plan had worked perfectly until the moment he escaped from prison.

Venom's ugly face was twisted with rage and hatred. "Horde!" He referred to his un-dead army. "Take them to the holding cells, I will deal with them when I deem appropriate."

Skulduggery and Valkyrie were gripped by an array of rotting hands. Valkyrie's skin crawled at the feeling of their cold, putrefying, decaying skin as it met the back of her neck. There were too many off them for Valkyrie and Skulduggery to fight off, and no amount of struggling would give way to their escape.

The horde started to drag Skulduggery and Valkyrie to their holding cell when Venom interrupted them.

"Oh, Horde? Do try not to devour the girl on the way. I have much more... _interesting_ plans for her."

Skulduggery let out a low snarl of rage, but he was ignored.

They were thrown into a small, damp cell deep within the cave. There was no light except for a small crack in the ceiling that provided them with breathable air. There was no room so when Skulduggery spoke Valkyrie was surprised at how close his voice was.

"It's awfully cramped in here." He muttered.

"Tell me about it."

"It's bound in here too, I've already tried using my magic and it won't work."

"Figures." She sighed.

"You sound upset." He noted.

"Well done, Sherlock. Very good deduction right there."

"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I can see how it _may_ be my fault we're in this mess."

"Do you really?"

"Yes."

"Well then perhaps you shouldn't go around burying people alive?"

He sighed. "I said I was sorry. Please don't make me repeat it."

Valkyrie sighed again, irritably. "Oh, whatever. Let's just not talk about it, okay?"

A few moments of silence passed before she finally spoke again.

"How are we going to get out?" She asked.

"I'm still working on that one. Next question, please."

"Okay, what about, what does Venom have planned for me?"

Skulduggery sounded reluctant to answer. "Uh... I'm sorry?"

"Venom said he has _'interesting'_ plans for me, Skulduggery. What do you think they are?"

"You don't need to worry about him, Valkyrie. I will protect you from whatever he has planned."

"Yeah, big talk coming from the talking pile of bones, locked up in a dungeon with me." She snapped.

He didn't reply. In fact, he had almost flinched at her words She might have well punched him across the jaw rather than say that – both were equally as hurtful. She had poked fun at him before with harmless names like 'Mr funny-bones' and 'Jack Skellington'. But never before had she regarded him as a 'useless pile of bones', like his enemies did. He leaned back against the wall and didn't say anything.

Valkyrie suddenly felt terrible the moment she had said it. Guilt wracked through her, and she sighed heavily. "Look, I'm sorry, Skulduggery."

She took a step forward, and collided with him, forgetting how small their surroundings were. He was tense and unmoving. She pulled him into a hug, her arms encircling his torso, her head resting against his collarbone. Eventually, he sighed and wrapped his long, bony arms around her, returning the embrace. She still only came up to his chin.

"You're too tall." She said, quietly.

His response was light-hearted, "Either that or you're too short."

She laughed into his chest. "Cheeky git."

A beat passed.

"I really am sorry." She mumbled. I didn't mean to say that."

He patted her back. "I know, Valkyrie. Things get said in the heat of the moment, I know."

"I wasn't thinking. I would never say anything to purposely upset you."

"I know you wouldn't." He said. "You're too nice. Well, you know, when you're not hitting people."

She laughed. "And you're _really _nice when you're not shooting people."

He laughed softly. "Ah, what a pair we are."

A few seconds of silence ticked by.

"So, you never answered my question." Valkyrie said in a small voice. "What's Venom got planned for me?"

He hesitated before answering. "I don't know. My best guess would be that he might feed you to his zombie horde. Either that or something much worse."

"Oh." She groaned miserably. "Why didn't you lie to me? A good friend would have lied to me."

"Sorry."He mumbled.

"This is awful."

"I will agree that things are not looking great. However, I'm sure I'll think of something."

"Stop talking." She murmured. "Just be a good best friend, be quiet and hug me."

There was more silence as Skulduggery did as he was told and tightened his hug around her. Skulduggery rubbed her pack in soothing motions. He stopped when he felt a sudden tremor ripple through her delicate frame.

"Valkyrie?" he asked, looking down at her, his tone uncertain. "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer but he felt her shoulders shake in a repetitive motion. Was she crying? Of course she wasn't. Valkyrie didn't cry. He couldn't even_ remember _the last time he had seen her cry. She always liked to put up a brave front when she was around him. She always wanted to prove she was just as brave as him, just as tough. No, there was no way she could be crying. Or at least, he hoped she wasn't.

However, his suspicions were affirmed when he could feel her tears soaking through his shirt and damping his collarbone.

"Valkyrie?" He asked gently. "Look at me."

"No." She grumbled, her voice muffled by his shirt.

"Please? Just for a moment?"

"No."

He sighed and put a finger under her chin. He tilted her chin up so she was looking at him. She wouldn't be able to see him in the darkness, but with his lack of eyes, he could see her tear-stained face crystal clear. It was actually quite heartbreaking.

_Poor thing, _was all he kept thinking. _Poor, poor thing._

"You're crying?" He asked, softly.

"I don't want you to see me like this." She muttered.

If he could smile he would have, sympathetically. He pulled out a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and began to wipe her eyes. When he had his child, hundreds of years ago, he used to do things like this all the time.

"Crying isn't a sign of weakness, Valkyrie." He spoke delicately. "It just shows that you're human."

"When was the last time _you_ cried?" She challenged.

He thought about this. _When my wife and child were murdered in front of me. _Of course he didn't say that, though. Instead he said, "Being a skeleton, that's neither here nor there as I physically cannot cry."

"Well it matters to me." Her voice shook. "I'm eighteen, for God Sake. I'm supposed to be grown up now."

He laughed, softly. "You're only eighteen. That is still _very_ young. I remember when I first met you when you were twelve years old. How small you seemed. Small and frightened... yet there was this spark inside you. You've finally made me feel alive again – and I'm _hundreds_ of years old! So don't go thinking you've got to be grown up all of a sudden okay? Especially around me."

She nodded. Another notion suddenly flooded her mind. "If I die tonight Skulduggery, what are my parents going to do? They will carry on living with my reflection, that emotionless thing that doesn't even _love_ them. They'll probably think I've stopped loving them or something, when actually my bloody remains are lying in this cave."

He stroked her hair. "It won't come to that. I won't let that happen."

She hugged him a little tighter. "How can you be so sure?

"Because I'm me. And I'm always right."

She groaned weakly and her frame relaxed into his bony structure. He rested his chin on her head. Until he could figure out a way to get them out of here – it was the only comfort he could offer her.

**I hope you liked it :3  
**

**Much love :)**

**xoxo**


	5. Valduggery: Crying teenagers part one

**Crying Teenagers part 1 Part 2 coming soon :)**

**A chance to see Skulduggery being all cute and see Val admit her true feelings to Skulduggery!**

**OOOOOoooooooOOOOOOooooohhhhhh!  
**

"Oh my God, Fletcher! Here we are again – forever stuck in this argument!"

"Val – you're the one who turned it into an argument!"

"I don't bloody care! I'm sick of this Fletcher! I'm sick and tired of this!"

Skulduggery sighed. They had been upstairs arguing for hours. Valkyrie was right; it _was_ the same argument every time. For the last three years each day had ended in an argument between the two of them. They always argued over the same thing.

"Well I'm sorry I'm not as good as-"

"Don't you dare say it!" Valkyrie snapped.

"Skulduggery Pleasant!" Fletcher roared.

Skulduggery sighed again and walked over to the window. Valkyrie and Fletcher had gotten together when she was fifteen, and the first year was fine. She was nineteen now and for the past three years they had done nothing except scream at one another. They first started to argue when Fletcher had found out about Valkyrie's kiss the vampire boy, then they argued over Valkyrie's life being _'too dangerous'_ , and over the last year they had been arguing over Valkyrie's friendship with Skulduggery.

There was more yelling upstairs but Skulduggery didn't pay attention. He knew Valkyrie would be getting upset and he really didn't want to think about how he was the cause of that. He looked at the snowy scene outside. It was calm and serene... and pretty. He lost himself in his thoughts for a while. His mind only stirred when he heard someone come down the stairs. He walked out into the hallway to see who it was.

It was Valkyrie. She had red eyes and fresh tears on her cheeks.

"Erm... Val?" Skulduggery tried, but she pushed past him and into another room. She slammed the door behind her. He heard more footsteps.

Fletcher came down the stairs slowly, looking down.

Skulduggery decided to try again. "Hey, Fletch. Erm... so ... erm... you two okay?"

Fletcher stopped but didn't look up. "No, Skul, no were not." His voice was shaky. Had he been crying?

"Are you okay, Fletcher?" Skulduggery asked awkwardly. He didn't know how to deal with an emotional Fletcher.

Fletcher looked up at Skulduggery with puffy red eyes. Yes, he had been crying.

"Me?" Fletcher tried to smile. "Yeah I'm fine Skul."

"You look like you've been crying."

"Me mate? No. I'm tough as old boots me." He sniffed.

Skulduggery took a step closer to him. "Fletcher..."

"Erm, so like, I've gotta go... I'll see you later." He made for the door. He stopped and looked back at him. "Skulduggery... look after Val, okay? She really needs you."

"Sure thing, Fletch." He nodded.

And with that Fletcher was gone. Skulduggery took of his hat and rubbed his Skul. He had a sobbing girl in the next room. He sighed. He had never been great with crying teenagers. He put his hat back on and walked into the room where Valkyrie was. She was sitting on the sofa flicking through the channels, pressing the remote buttons with unnecessary aggression.

He sat down beside her. "Anything good on?" He asked.

"No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay." Skulduggery nodded. "You're going to break the remote, you know."

She threw the remote at him. "Better?" She snapped.

He sighed and turned off the TV. He turned to her. "Talk to me, Val."

She was silent for a few minutes. She knew that if she spoke her voice would crack and she'd cry again. But she was going to cry anyway – she could feel it. She could feel the tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Without warning – or her permission – a gasp escaped her lips and it was the beginning of a cry. She burst into tears and buried her face in her hands.

Skulduggery hesitated, looking at her. What was he supposed to do? How could he possibly fix the situation? There was no cure for a broken heart. He knew that all too well...

He decided to put an arm around her shoulders. She curled into his chest, gripping onto his shirt. Skulduggery put his other arm around her and held her close. How many times had he done this with his own daughter hundreds of years ago?

"Shhh." He soothed rocking her slowly. "It will be okay. The two of you will work it out eventually."

"I broke up with him, Skulduggery."

"Oh." He ran out of words.

"It was for the best," She continued. "We couldn't carry on arguing everyday – so I ended it."

"Well then you did the right thing." He patted her back.

She didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Well there is another reason."

He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so she would have to look at him. "Oh?" He said.

She nodded and sniffed. Skulduggery had a suspicion she was wiping her nose on his suit.

"I'm in love with someone else." She mumbled.

If skulduggery's had a heart it would of accelerated, although he wasn't sure why.

"Well then you _definitely_ did the right thing."

She shook her head. "No I didn't. I can never be with the guy I love."

"And why's that?"

"Because he's different."

"How different?"

She paused. "As in, not strictly human."

He looked at her. "It's not that vampire boy is it? Because he's far too old for you. Far too old and dead."

"No it's not him. Even though the guy I like is also a lot older than me and dead."

"Scapegrace?"

Valkyrie laughed and punched his arm. "Don't be a goon."

Skulduggery laughed too. "So if it's not a vampire, or a zombie, what other old, dead guy could it possibly be?"

She looked up at him with teary eyes. "A skeleton."

**Part 2 coming soon :)**


	6. Valduggery: Crying teenagers part two

**So here is the part two of "Crying teenagers" I hope you like it, I gave it a sentimentally happy ending just so it wouldn't end on a downer.**

**I'm sorry for the one typo that was in the last story - I shan't be making a habit of it - promise!**

**Thank you for the nice reviews :)  
**

Had he heard her right? No. No way. There was _no way_ that anyone could love a skeleton... However she did say it... and he was pretty sure that he was the only living skeleton that she knew. She was looking at him... better say something.

"Oh." He mumbled.

_Idiot_. His 'brain' snapped at him.

"Have I just ruined everything?" Valkyrie asked.

He shook his Skull. "No... of course not."

"But I've made it awkward right?"

"Erm..." Skulduggery struggled. "Yes."

She sighed and stood up. "Well then this is my cue to leave." She began to walk away but she felt a bony hand close around her own.

"Please don't leave." Skulduggery said as he stood up. "Not yet. Just... don't leave."

Valkyrie's stomach did a back flip. She didn't know what to say. Skulduggery walked over to her and brushed her hair out of her face.

"You have very pretty eyes." He said softly.

"Er, thanks... you too." She tried.

He laughed once but it turned into a sigh. "Did you mean what you said?" He asked. "About... loving me?"

She looked down and nodded.

"You do know that I am technically the remains of a dead man?" If he has eyebrows he may well have been raising them.

"Yes I know."

"And you're also aware that I am over 400 years old?"

"I am."

"And you don't care? You don't think you can do better than me?"

She shrugged. "I could do worse."

"Good enough for me." He murmured and called up his façade. Before she knew it he was kissing her. She smiled against his lips and kissed back.

The kiss was cut short when someone walked through the door.

"I left my coat here, I'm just coming back to get it-" Fletcher paused when he saw them. "Bloody hell, Skulduggery! I said look after her – not suck her face off!"

"This must look bad." Skulduggery muttered.

"Too damn right it looks bad!" Fletcher snapped. He stormed out of the room without bothering to get his coat and made for the front door. Valkyrie bolted after him.

"Fletcher, wait!" She called. She grabbed his arm and spun him round to look at her. "It's not how it seems."

"It seems very convenient to me."

"Please understand. I didn't intend to this to happen."

He rolled his eyes. "Then you must have spectacularly good luck. And here I was feeling _bad_ about what happened – about accusing you of having a thing for him!" His voice cracked on the last word. "Oh for God's sake." He muttered and turned away from her.

His tears made her feel even worse. She dragged him round to face her and pulled him into a hug. "I'm sorry, Fletch. It just... happened."

He pulled out of the hug and looked at her. "And you're sure you'll be happy with him? A skeleton?"

"I'm going to be very happy. I love him."

He nodded. "Good explanation." He turned to leave and she didn't stop him.

On his way out he bumped into Skulduggery. Again he tried to hide his tears.

Skulduggery sighed. "Come here, Fletch." He pulled the boy into a hug. Perhaps Skulduggery was getting better at this. Skulduggery patted his back.

Fletcher stepped away from him after a few moments. "I still mean what I said Skul... look after her. She's... special."

Skulduggery nodded. "I know."

"And you love her too?"

"Very much."

Fletcher sighed. "Then take her. Make sure you don't lose her."

Skulduggery nodded again and Fletcher turned and left quietly. Once he was gone Valkyrie walked out to find him.

"I feel awful." She admitted.

"Me too."

"So what do we do now?"

Skulduggery smiled and gently took her hand and pulled her close. "I have an idea." He smiled and kissed her.

Her mind thought happily, "I like this idea."

**My next chapter is just a little story I wrote, it's a little tamer than some of the previous ones - but I will put it up in the hope that you like it :)**

**Thanks :)  
**


	7. Valduggery: Don't push it

**This is the tame little drabble I mentioned earlier. I just wanted to try it out. I hope you like it :)**

Skulduggery looked along the isles completely clueless. What kind of things did typical girls like? Then again – Valkyrie was never a typical _anything_. It would be her seventeenth birthday tomorrow and he had waited until now to buy her something. He picked up something from the makeup shelf and turned it in his fingers. What on Earth was it? Oh it didn't matter, Val never wore makeup anyway – she was pretty enough without it.

"Val doesn't wear lip gloss, Skul." Tanith said from behind him.

"Oh so that's what this is? I thought it was some sort of a liquid explosive."

"Very funny."

"I know." He put the lip gloss back.

"Just pick something!"

Skulduggery sighed. "I don't know what to choose! Valkyrie isn't like other girls her age – she'd rather get a weapon as a present than an iPod, for example."

Tanith paused and looked at him. "You know what an iPod is?"

"Naturally."

She sighed. "Please just pick. Please!"

Skulduggery and Tanith walked into to the next shop – a jewellers. Did Valkyrie wear jewellery? Probably not. However... he stopped when he saw a locket. It was a small gold locket on a thin chain. He peered closer with his brown eyes that today's façade provided. It was adorned with patterns of gold roses entwined around each other. Skulduggery smiled. This was it.

"That's nice, Skul." Tanith noted.

"It is." He nodded. "It just needs a special touch."

Tanith raised an eyebrow at him as he walked over to talk to the shop assistant. She walked off to the back room and returned twenty minutes later with the locket and gave it back to skulduggery in a little blue jewellery box.

"What did she do?" Tanith asked.

Skulduggery took it out of the box and showed her. He had the back of the locket engraved. _'Doors are for people with no imagination.'_

"Do you think she'll like it?" He asked.

Tanith smiled. "She'll _love_ it."

"Talking about me?" Said an irritated tone behind them.

Skulduggery shoved the locket back into its box and then into his jacket pocket. He was faced with a very angry looking Valkyrie Cain, who had her hand on her hips.

"I'll leave you two alone." Tanith murmured and slipped away.

"Well?" Valkyrie prompted. "Are you going to explain yourself?"

Skulduggery's façade frowned. "I'm sorry?"

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms. "You and Tanith!" She snapped. "It's obvious!"

"It is?" He asked.

"Don't play dumb with me, Skulduggery! I know you two are dating!"

Skulduggery almost choked on his own laughter. "Dating? Us?"

"Don't try to deny it! You were buying her jewellery!"

"Valkyrie, I am not dating Tanith, and I have not bought her _anything_."

Valkyrie pursed her lips. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought you had more respect for me than that! I thought... I thought..."

He silenced her by putting a finger to her lips. "Valkyrie Cain, I am _not_ dating your best friend. Likewise, I have not bought her any jewellery."

"I saw you put it in your pocket."

"That's not for her... it's for... someone else."

"Prove it. Show me." She snapped, pushing away his hand.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Show me!"

"No!"

"NOW!" She yelled, making passersby look at her.

He sighed in defeat. "Fine. Although you only had to wait until tomorrow." He pulled the little blue box out of his pocket and gave it to her. She opened it and her eyes grew wide. "Happy birthday, Val."

She took it out and admiringly turned it over. She read the inscription and smiled.

"Do you like it?" He asked doubtfully.

She reached up onto her tiptoes and kissed his temporary cheek. "It's perfect."

"See there was no need to get jealous."

"Don't push it."

**More to come - a lot of punching involved :O**

**x  
**


	8. Valduggery: A very violent man

**I thought it was about time we had some punching...**

**Enough said.  
**

He looked at her with utter hatred despite the fact that he had no eyes, his straight razor glinting in the street lights. Billy-Ray Sanguine's lips twisted into a sneer.

"We meet again, lil darlin'."

"Sanguine." Valkyrie's voice was tense. "What a nice surprise."

"Just thought I'd pop round an' see ya. Even brought my razor."

Valkyrie swallowed, ignoring the fear that was screaming at her. This man wanted to kill her. He had come back for her to kill her. Her knees weakened slightly at the thought.

"I've noticed you _always_ come to see me when Skulduggery's not around." Valkyrie said not taking her eyes off her opponent, who was little over two meters away from her.

"Mr funny-bones wouldn't have approved lil darlin'. Probably woulda tried to kill me an' all. He's a very violent man in case you ain't quite noticed."

"And you're not?" She raised one eyebrow.

"Fair play." He smiled. "Now if we're done with the chit-chat... I'd like to get to the killin'!"

He lunged at her but she ducked under his arm and cracked her elbow into the back of his head. He cursed and spun round, swinging a fist into Valkyrie's stomach. She was knocked off her feet and she landed in the middle of the road. She sent a ball of fire at him that engulfed his chest. While he beat the fire out Valkyrie got to her feet. However Sanguine surprised her by lunging at her and they collided. Sanguine had her pinned to the pavement. He raised his straight razor.

"Any last words, princess?" He leered at her.

His grip was too strong to break it, so she didn't diminish her dignity by squirming and begging.

"Well?" He prompted.

"Your accent is stupid!" She replied.

He laughed. "Say your prayers, Cain."

And that's when Skulduggery Pleasant came running down the dark street. He splayed his hands out in front of him and sent a wall of air at Sanguine. Billy-Ray was slammed off of Valkyrie as he was bringing the blade down onto her face. It missed her by centimetres. She rolled to her feet and stood by Skulduggery's side.

"Oh hell!" Sanguine grumbled. "Trust you to come and crash a perfectly good party."

"You're under arrest, Sanguine." Skulduggery said.

"On what charge, detective?"

"On the charge that I just caught you trying to kill my partner."

"Oh." Billy-Ray frowned. "_That_ charge."

"Not to mention all the previous murders." Valkyrie added.

Sanguine sighed. "Now I gotta kill the both of ya. Oh well, work is work." He lunged at Valkyrie but Skulduggery punched him in the jaw before he even got close. Billy-Ray shook his head deliriously. "Well that was rude."

"Don't care." Skulduggery snorted. "Stop trying to kill my friend."

Sanguine smiled his best smile. "Well... since you asked so nice."

"Thank you."

"I'm just going to have to kill _you_ instead funny-bones." He sunk down into the ground.

"Bugger." Skulduggery muttered. The ground rumbled behind him and Sanguine attacked Skulduggery before he had time to turn. The two of them started a full-blown fist fight while Valkyrie watched helplessly. She considered throwing fireballs but they were moving so fast that she was worried they would hit Skulduggery.

She heard talking from behind them. Valkyrie turned and saw a group of girls about her age watching the fight with wide eyes.

"Damn." She muttered. She ran over to Skulduggery ready to flank him. "Skulduggery! Civilians!" She called. He couldn't hear her so she got a little closer. "Skulduggery! People are watching! We have to get out of here!" He was oblivious to her. Sighing she got even closer to their dangerous game. "SKULDUGGERY PLEASANT!" She shouted. "Mortals are watching-"

She was cut short when a fist came slamming into the side of her face. At first she thought it was Billy-Ray making the most of the opportunity. However before she fell to the ground she looked at her attacker...

It was Skulduggery. His fist was the brick that had made contact with her face. The person she trusted most in the world – trusted her life with – had punched her. Sanguine's words echoed through her mind _'He's a very violent man.'_ Skulduggery's jaw dropped in shock as Valkyrie stumbled and fell to the ground clutching her throbbing jaw.

She heard Sanguine laugh. "Well I'll be! You did my job for me, detective!"

Skulduggery said nothing; he just stood staring at the poor girl he had just accidentally hit. He saw the gang of girls who Valkyrie had been trying to warn him about run off terrified.

"Well then, my work here is done. Bye ya'll! I'm sure I'll come back to finish you off later!" Sanguine disappeared back into the ground.

Suddenly Skulduggery sprang into life. He strode over to Valkyrie and kneeled beside her. "Valkyrie, I am _so_ sorry."

He tried to help her up but she recoiled from him. She was _scared_ of him. The worst blow to the head she had ever taken had come for her best friend. She was utterly, _utterly_ petrified of him.

"Valkyrie?" He asked, unsure. He took her by the shoulders and gently sat her up. He looked at her and saw fear in her eyes. Guilt wracked through him, but mostly he was hurt at the fact that she had lost all faith in him so quickly... then again that was a pretty tough punch. And she knew Skulduggery had a much darker past...

"You... you hit me..." She stammered. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

"I'm sorry. Here let me see." He reached out to touch her face but she shuffled away from him in alarm. "Valkyrie?" This was killing him. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Stay away from me!" She whispered, terror making her voice shake.

"Don't be absurd." He reached out for her again but she slapped his hand away.

"Leave me alone!" She screamed. She sprang to her feet and tried to run away. However she only made it two steps before she fell over from her dizziness.

Skulduggery dashed over and caught her before her head made contact with the pavement.

"Please let me go." She mumbled weakly.

Skulduggery scooped her up in his arms. She dangled lifelessly like a rag-doll. "Valkyrie Cain, I would never _ever_ purposely hurt you! You are my Partner and my best friend – and I have the utmost respect for you. Never in a million years would I intentionally hurt you! Do you understand me? Do you understand me?"

She nodded weakly. "Sorry. Pain makes me dumb."

"You're already fairly unintelligent." He said softly as he carried her down the dark road.

"What happened to having the utmost respect for me?" She asked in a distant voice, her head spinning with the pain.

"We are to never speak of that ever again, Miss Cain, do you understand me?"

She nodded. "Sure, I don't care."

He laughed. "Gosh, how hard did I hit you?"

"I'll let you know if I'm ever capable of logical thought again."

"Sorry."

"S'okay..." She slurred.

"Let's get you to Kenspeckle."

Valkyrie smiled. "He's going to kill you."

Skulduggery sighed. "Don't remind me."

**Hope you liked it - I even somehow brough Kenspeckle back for you!**

**Also, I'm happy to write stories of your ideas. Just let me know what you want to hear and I'll turn it into a story :)**

**Thank you x  
**


	9. Valduggery: Never steal my hat

**This story was inspired by the large amounts of snow we have at the moment :)**

**I hope you like!**

**P.S. Lot's of Valduggery love up next!****  
**

Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain were stuck.

They were driving out to a case when it had started to snow quite heavily. Before they knew it they were incapable of moving from the snow slowly piling up around them. Skulduggery cut off the engine and started to be in a strop. Valkyrie however was delighted.

"It looks so pretty." She noted with her face pressed against the window.

"It's only snow, Valkyrie. It's just cold rain." Skulduggery huffed.

Valkyrie turned to face him and raised an eyebrow. "Skulduggery Pleasant, are you sulking?"

"Yes."

She burst out laughing.

"Stop it." He mumbled.

"I will when it stops being funny!" She giggled.

Skulduggery sighed and slid down a little in his chair. He tilted his hat down even lower over his eye sockets. "Wake me when you're going to be mature about this." He grumbled.

She rolled her eyes and continued to stare at the snow. It looked so pure and harmonious. Big flakes drifted down past the window and the three foot of snow on the ground looked so inviting. She suddenly found herself itching to go outside and play in it.

She tapped Skulduggery's arm. "Wake up! Stop meditating!"

He stirred and tilted his head towards her. "What's up?"

"I want to go play in the snow."

"Go for it." He waved his hand lazily. "You have my blessing."

"No, I want you to come with me!"

He laughed in surprise. "You have _got_ to be joking."

"Oh come on! Don't be a Scrooge!"

He sighed. "I'm going back to sleep."

With all other ideas failing her, Valkyrie grabbed his hat and jumped out of the car with it.

He sat bolt upright and a gloved hand inspected the top of his naked skull. He turned to look at Valkyrie who was standing outside in the snow waving his hat at him. Sighing he undid his seatbelt and got out of the car.

"Give me my hat back." He said dully.

"Come and get it!" She teased.

If Skulduggery had eyes he would have rolled them at her. He lunged at her but she stepped to the side at the last minute, and he went skull-first straight into the snow.

Valkyrie roared with laughter and clutched her sides. "You goon!" She gasped for air.

He slowly got up and glared at her. "You have made a powerful enemy, Cain." He warned.

"Ooooh I'm _so_ scared!" She giggled.

Skulduggery splayed his hands and sent a wall of air hurtling into her. She was sent flying back off her feet and landed heavily in the snow.

Now it was Skulduggery's turn to laugh.

Valkyrie quickly got up. She summoned the shadows with her necromancer ring and they gathered around her.

"Uh-oh." Skulduggery mumbled.

Valkyrie sent the shadows out to him. They latched onto his arms and legs and pinned him down on the snowy ground, and they held him there. She walked over to him slowly – enjoying the moment.

"Now let's be grown up about this, Valkyrie." Panic rising in his voice.

"Let's not." She said picking up a snow ball and throwing it at him. She repeated the act several times before realising that Skulduggery was breaking free from the grip of her shadowy tendrils.

He broke free and pounced on her. He pushed her deep into the snow. Laughing he pushed a handful of snow in her face.

She screamed. "Okay! Okay! Take your hat back!" She handed it out to him.

Arrogant and highly pleased with himself, he took it and stood up. He brushed the snow from his fedora and placed it lightly on his head. He helped the frozen girl up.

"I hope you've learned your lesson." He looked at her.

"That you're really mean?" She frowned.

"No." He shook his head. "_Never_ steal my hat."

**Thanks for the reviews guys it means a lot to me :)**

**Romance up next! I thought we were lacking some love from Skulduggery and Valkyrie :)  
**


	10. Valduggery: Sanctuary Ball part one

**A splash of romance as promised :)**

**This is part one of the story - I' not yet sure how many parts there will be, but I'll keep you posted - promise!  
**

**In this story Valkyrie is about nineteen years old.**

**I really hope you like it :)  
**

"Valkyrie, are you ready yet?" Skulduggery called up the stairs, impatience creeping into his tone.

"Almost!" She yelled back down.

He shook his skull in bafflement. She had told him enough times how she wasn't looking forward to going to tonight's Sanctuary Ball. She had moaned about going, and about having to wear a dress and about having to dance when she got there – and now she was taking over two hours to get ready!

Skulduggery sighed. He would _never_ understand women. They were an even bigger enigma than he.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Valkyrie eventually called down to him.

Thankful that he didn't have to wait any longer he walked to the bottom of the stairs and waited for her to appear.

She rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and stood there for a moment, looking at him. If skulduggery had eyes they would have bugged out of his head. She looked beautiful... inhumanly, heart-shatteringly, mind-blowingly beautiful. Skulduggery let out a small and involuntary – and highly embarrassing – whine.

Valkyrie smiled and began to descend the stairs in her elegant gown. It was midnight blue and strapless. It came in tight at her waist and continued down to her knees, where it blossomed out slightly, like a fan-tail. Her long dark hair was curled and it tumbled gracefully over her slender shoulders. She got to the bottom of the stair case and stood before him, looking at him with her big, brown, striking eyes.

"Well?" She asked in a silky voice. "How do I look, Detective?"

Her tone made his mind scramble, but he quickly pulled himself together so he could answer. "You look stunning. No doubt you will be the second best dressed person there."

"Second best?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

Skulduggery gestured to himself. "Well I look pretty, damn good too."

She laughed in that silky tone of hers. "Yes you do. Skulduggery, will you do me a favour?"

"Anything..." He murmured.

She held her hand out to him and dropped something into his palm. He looked at the object. It was a glittering, silver necklace. One he had bought her a long time ago when they had gone shopping together. She had seen it and instantly fell in love with it.

"Will you help me put it on, please?"

"Of course." He nodded.

She turned around and he noticed her dress was backless. He took a deep breath in. He slowly swept her hair off of the back of her neck and fastened the necklace around her. He saw the scar she had gotten when Dusk had bitten her, and tenderly ran his gloved finger across it. _'Poor Valkyrie.'_ He thought sympathetically.

Valkyrie shuddered at his touch. She pulled herself together and turned around to face him. "Thank you."

"No problem." He said quietly. He looked at her for a few moments before he decided to put his façade on. A handsome face with short, cropped brown hair and blue eyes formed around his skull.

Valkyrie pouted a little and stepped towards him. "No façades tonight."

"You don't like it when I have a face?" he raised on eyebrow.

Sighing she undid a few of his shirt buttons. She felt him go rigid, and she smiled to herself a little. Her fingers tapped the tattoos that were etched onto his collar bone. His façade disappeared and she withdrew her hands.

"You _do_ have a face." She said as she did up his buttons. "And _this_ is the one that I like best."

If he could have smiled he would have. "Thank you."

"Shall we go then, Detective?" Her silky tone was back. She held out her hand to him and he hesitantly took it.

"Of course."

They got into the Bentley and sped off to the Sanctuary Ball.

'_Tonight will be the night._' Valkyrie thought to herself. '_Tonight I will tell him how I feel.'_

'_I will tell her tonight.' _Skulduggery decided. _'I will tell her that I love her.' _

**The next part will come soon.**

**Let me know what you think :)**

**Thanks xoxo  
**


	11. Valduggery: Sanctuary Ball part two

**I am sooooo sooooo sorry about the deleting of this chapter and them the re-posting of it, but i put it up here and then realised I hadn't proof-read it! :O Unforgivable I know!**

**This is part two of the Sanctuary Ball, there will be a part three soon on its way!**

**Also, I gt the most amazing review ever and I am sooo happy!**

**Thank you! :)  
**

The gleaming black Bentley pulled up outside the Waxworks museum. The Ball was being held in the Sanctuary's below ground floor. Valkyrie didn't even _know_ the Sanctuary had a below ground floor. And wasn't a below ground floor called a basement? Then again, as Skulduggery kept pointing out – there was a lot of things that Valkyrie didn't yet know.

Skulduggery parked the car and got out. He walked round to Valkyrie's side and opened the door for her. He extended his hand and she held onto it, allowing him to help her out. Skulduggery shut the door behind her and locked the car.

"Shall we?" He asked.

Valkyrie smiled. "We shall, Detective."

They walked – holding hands – Through the waxworks museum, past the dummy of Phil Lynott and the secret entrance, and to the heart of the Sanctuary. Skulduggery stopped at a blank brick wall and ran his gloved hand across the bricks. He stopped when he found the one he was looking for and pressed it inwards. The wall grumbled and opened up a secret passageway.

Valkyrie stared. "Cool." She mumbled.

They walked into the secret entrance and they were plunged into darkness. The wall behind them closed up and fire torches that were on the walls lit up. They walked along the white corridor and stopped at the door at the end.

Skulduggery opened it. "After you, Miss Cain." A smile evident in his tone.

She smiled and walked past him. At first her surroundings shocked her. She was standing at the top of a huge, gold, glittering staircase. Below her was a huge ballroom full of men in tuxes and women in lavish ball gowns. Chandeliers hung high on the ceiling that was covered with paintings and illuminations of The Ancients.

For the first time in her life Valkyrie was speechless.

"Let's go find Tanith and Ghastly, shall we?" Skulduggery asked her.

Valkyrie nodded, still astounded. "Sure." She went to take the first step but a sudden wave of vertigo hit her. "Skulduggery, do me a favour and make sure I don't fall."

He wrapped his arm around her waist. "You're safe with me."

The descended the staircase and Valkyrie sighed a breath of relief when they were on the ground. She noticed that Skulduggery still had his arm around her waist and smiled to herself.

Tanith noticed them and dragged Ghastly away from the bar and over to see them. Tanith was dressed in a long, tight, red, silk number that – like Valkyrie's dress – was strapless and had no back. Her hair was tied up, off of her shoulders elegantly. She looked stunning and Valkyrie found herself a tiny bit jealous.

Tanith noted that Skulduggery was holding onto Valkyrie's waist, and raised an eyebrow. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

Valkyrie blushed and Skulduggery quickly removed his arm.

"Hey, guys." Ghastly smiled. "Valkyrie you look beautiful."

"Thanks." She grinned. "You clean up pretty good yourself."

A new song came on and Tanith's eyes lit up. "I love this song! Ghastly dance with me!"

"I'm not much of a dancer-" Ghastly started to protest but Tanith grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor, where they proceeded to twirl and spin surprisingly elegantly.

"Do _you_ want to dance?" Skulduggery asked Valkyrie.

"_Do_ be serious!" She laughed. "I'm an awful dancer."

"Well, lucky for you, I'm an excellent dancer." He grabbed her hand and led her over to the dance floor. Valkyrie followed reluctantly.

Skulduggery twirled her slowly before he put her hand onto his shoulder. He gently held onto her waist for the second time that evening. He took her other hand in his and they began to waltz. Skulduggery was an amazing dancer which didn't really surprise her; he was good at everything – except being modest. She found herself laughing as they spun around on the dance floor. When he finally stopped whirling her around she was so swept off her feet she had to put her arms around his neck to steady herself. He wrapped his arms around her and laughed too.

They stood like that for a little while before they were interrupted.

"I was hoping I could steal a dance?" Fletcher asked.

Valkyrie turned and smiled. "Sure." She looked back at Skulduggery to make sure he was okay with that.

"Enjoy." He said graciously and walked off to find China, hoping he could persuade her to dance with him. Valkyrie quickly noted that Skulduggery liked to dance. Then she realised that Skulduggery liked to do _anything_ that would show off how good he was at it.

Fletcher went for the less fancy approach to dancing and just held onto Valkyrie's hips. She was glad they stayed good friends after they broke up.

"You look gorgeous, Val." He smiled.

"You look pretty dapper yourself, Fletch."

He spun her before speaking again. "I know."

"So who are you here with?"

"Erm... no one." He said a little sheepishly.

"Really? No one?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Nope. Not-a-one."

"I find that hard to believe, Fletch."

"You shouldn't. I'm not exactly the catch of the day, am I?"

"You're good enough." She said. She saw China walk past – looking as gorgeous as ever – and an idea hit her. "I'll be right back." She broke away from him to talk to her.

"China!" She called.

The beautiful woman turned to face her. "Valkyrie, you look lovely."

"Likewise." She nodded. "China will you do me a favour?"

"Probably not, but let's see anyway."

"Will you go ask Fletcher to dance?"

China's laugh was high and clear as a bell. "Oh, Valkyrie, you do make me laugh!"

"I'm being serious, China."

"And that's what makes it even more hilarious!"

"Please?" She begged.

"No."

"I'll let you pick a book of your choice from Gordon's library."

"Let me have one from his study and you have a deal."

"No study. Two books from his _library_ and then we will have a deal."

"Three."

"Fine."

China smiled unthinkably beautifully. "I guess I shall go and ask Mr Renn to dance then." She glided over to Fletcher and flirted with him for a few moments before she found her way into his arms and they started to dance.

Someone behind her put their hand onto her shoulders. "That was very nice of you."

She turned to see Skulduggery. "I know." She nodded.

"Can I resume wowing you with my dancing skills?"

She rolled her eyes in mock frustration. "If you must!" She threw her arms around his neck, and the twirling began again.

As the song came to an end Skulduggery dipped her low and held her there for a few moments, studying her perfect face. Her heart beat rapidly, straining slightly as her mind clouded. Her breathing accelerated in her mid-panic. It was a good kind of panic though – it was an excited panic.

Without thinking she leaned in slowly. Skulduggery didn't jolt away so she kept on going, the whole while her mind screaming: '_Just do it! Do it before you wimp out!'_ She didn't even know where she was going to kiss him as he had no lips – on his teeth was a possibility. She didn't care. She just went on going. She was an inch away from his skull before the lights went out.

"Dammit!" Skulduggery muttered.

**Oh the suspense! All will be revealed soon!**

**Part three to come :)**

**xoxo  
**


	12. Valduggery: Sanctuary Ball part three

**So this is part three of Valduggery: Sanctuary Ball. I think there shall only be one more part to it, and I really hope you like it so far.**

Skulduggery wanted to scream all the curse words her knew – however he knew that that was totally unacceptable around ladies. How close he had been! He had almost kissed her – or at least, _sort of_ kissed her with his teeth.

Stupid lights.

"Skulduggery?" He heard her anxious voice.

He straightened her up. "I'm here, Val." He said reassuringly.

"What do you thinks going on?" He noticed she was gripping onto him tightly and he smiled on the inside.

"Probably just a prank."

Just as her nerves were beginning to ease, Valkyrie felt a cold finger trail down her exposed back. She yelped and jumped, squeezing as close to Skulduggery as possible.

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"I just felt a hand on my back. It felt...weird..."

"Weird how?"

"Dead."

"That's never good." Skulduggery muttered. He pulled his revolver out of his pocket and held Valkyrie impossibly close. '_I'm holding her this close purely for her protection.'_ His mind kept repeating. His mind was a liar.

Valkyrie felt another cold, dead hand touch her cheek softly. It was teasing her now – whatever this thing was. She suppressed a scream and instead tightened her grip on Skulduggery's suit jacket. She felt it again, only this time it wasn't a hand. It was someones face very close to hers. She could feel its ice cold breath on her skin. It made Valkyrie want to flail and lash out. They buried their face in her hair, and inhaled the sweet aroma.

Skulduggery wanted to shoot the brains out of whoever was touching her – but he didn't for fear he would shoot someone else by mistake in the darkness.

The rise of panicked murmurs echoed around the ballroom.

"We need to evacuate the place." Skulduggery whispered. "Whoever it is that's in here, there's more than one of them. And I can bet they're people we know, too."

Suddenly the lights flickered on and Skulduggery and Valkyrie were horrified to see they were surrounded by the infected. Hundreds of them, each in their zombie-like state. Infected mortals stood by the exits and gangs of them cornered groups of sorcerers and mages.

Valkyrie's eyes grew wide. There was _no way_ they could take on this many of the infected. Not just the two of them. She looked over at Ghastly and Tanith – they were being held against the walls by dozens of the drones. Taniths face was one of pure fury – most likely she was enraged that she didn't have her sword because she had chosen to wear that poxy, girly dress.

"Who is your leader?" Skulduggery asked the infected horde. "You must have a leader – where are they?"

"I'm glad you asked, Mr pleasant." A familiar yet cold voice responded. The man with the memorable tone pushed through the crowd and presented himself to Skulduggery and Valkyrie. "Hello." Smiled the man with a hideous scar down his face.

"Dusk." Skulduggery growled. "What do you want?"

"Just felt like crashing the party – speaking of which how _dare_ you not invite me."

"Why are you here Dusk?" Valkyrie asked with a tone that was surprisingly strong despite she was terrified.

"I have a certain vendetta to attend to... and I think you know who I am talking about."

"You don't touch her, Dusk!" Skulduggery snarled. "You don't even _think_ about touching her!"

"Oh dear." Dusk shook his head. "Someone is a possessive little Skeleton, aren't they?" He took a step closer and Skulduggery pointed his gun at him.

"Don't you dare take another step."

"Put the gun down or I'll tell my minions to rip her apart, limb from limb."

Skulduggery reluctantly put his gun away.

"Good." Dusk Smiled. "Now, no sudden movements, Detective." He walked over to them and Skulduggery held a trembling Valkyrie close. Dusk held his hand out to Valkyrie and she hesitantly took it. Dusk led her just far enough away from Skulduggery so he couldn't snatch her back if he wanted to. And he really, _really_ wanted to.

Dusk brought one hand to Valkyrie's face and ran an icy finger across her cheek. She quivered at his touch.

Valkyrie heard a roar of sheer rage behind her and she knew it came from Skulduggery.

Dusk lazily wave a hand at him. "Minions, restrain him."

"No!" Valkyrie screamed but the infected did as they were told and several of them restrained Skulduggery by grabbing onto his thin frame.

Dusk spun Valkyrie around viciously so that she was facing Skulduggery. He pinned her arms to her side and tightly wrapped a strong arm around her middle. "If either of you try using magic of any kind – everybody in this room will be ripped apart!" He spat angrily. His hand went back to Valkyrie's face, tenderly caressing it. "She's quite pretty; don't you think so, Detective?" Dusk's fingers trailed from her cheek to her neck. "Very fair skin, very... thin skin... like it would be easy to... tear through..."

Skulduggery growled and tried to wrestle off the infected, but there were too many of them.

Dusk leaned his face down to her neck and inhaled deeply. Without warning he delicately kissed her neck. Valkyrie whimpered and he smiled. Skulduggery snarled, infuriated. Dusk looked up at him and sneered. "Oh, I'm sorry, Detective. Am I making you jealous? Have you not yet had the chance to get this close to the girl yourself? Do you wish you were the one who had flesh and blood and a pair of lips to kiss the girl with?"

Skulduggery said nothing. He just stared intently at Valkyrie.

Dusk sighed. "Okay, _don't_ admit your true feelings to her. For the last few moments of her life she will be wondering whether or not you love her back. She will die thinking you don't love her. Yes... and _I'm _the bad guy here?"

Skulduggery looked helplessly at the girl he loved. He saw a single tear roll down her cheek, and if he had a heart – it would of shattered. He saw Dusk wipe the tear for her.

"I really am sorry about this darling." Dusk whispered into Valkyrie's ear. "But you die now."

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, and with her last breath she whispered. "I'm in love with you Skulduggery Pleasant."

And that's when Dusk went in for the kill.

**The next part (which is probably the last part) will be up soon. Sorry for the suspense!**

**Thanks**

**xoxo**


	13. Valduggery: Sanctuary Ball part four

**This is the Last part of The Sanctuary Ball, it's titled: Valduggery: Sanctuary Ball part 4: My Hero.**

**I've had some star reviews, so for that I thank you with a big smile :D**

**Sorry for keeping you in suspense - but now you can find out how it continues!**

**Enjoy :)  
**

Dusk lunged and Skulduggery heard his own horrified howl mixed with Valkyrie's scream resound in his head. He desperately wrestled against the many infected that were gripping on his skeletal body. He saw the fear in her eyes as Dusk jagged teeth came down on her delicate neck.

She was going to die.

And that's when two hands rose up from the ground beneath Valkyrie and dragged her beneath the floor until she was out of sight. Some of the infected loosened their grip on Skulduggery in surprise. Skulduggery could feel escape extremely close. So close he could taste it – if he had a tongue of course.

"Sanguine, you glorious scoundrel." Skulduggery muttered. He shook off an inattentive infected, elbowing him in the nose in the process. With his free arm, Skulduggery withdrew his revolver and looked at Dusk with sheer hate and disgust. "Time to die." He snarled. He shot Dusk in the chest twice.

Dusk's eyes grew wide and panicked. He fell to the ground. "What have you done?" He shrieked. _"Do you have any idea what the hell you've done?"_

"Haven't a clue." Skulduggery said in a dead tone. "And I really, _really_ don't care!" He lashed out with a kick that knocked out two of the infected. Others behind them fell in a dominos effect.

"Seize him!" Dusk screamed from the floor.

The infected did as they were told and very stupidly stopped guarding the other sorcerers. Once they were free, the other mages sprang into action, firing punches and throwing everything their magical abilities had to offer – Tanith and Ghastly included.

Ghastly called over to Skulduggery. "We have this covered, go save Valkyrie."

Skulduggery nodded once and bolted for the exit. Valkyrie can was _not_ going to die tonight.

...

Valkyrie Cain cried out in alarm as she wall pulled into the ground. Billy ray Sanguine was holding onto her ankles and pulling her deep into the Earth. Despite how much she wanted to kick at his wrists and lash out she didn't because she knew that if she did he would just leave her here to rot and die in the dirt.

He pulled her deeper, and then they suddenly changed direction. She was rapidly aware of Sanguine's hands that were now around her waist as he was pulling her back up to the surface. She kept her eyes shut tight and her lips clamped together.

She was overwhelmed with relief when they erupted from the ground and she was welcomed by the cool, night air. She sat in a heap on the ground and took in her surroundings: the wet grass, the starry sky, the rogue who had just saved her life.

Billy Ray Sanguine looked at her and smiled. "Miss Cain, I must say you do look very nice tonight – even with all that mud in your hair."

Valkyrie looked up at him, grinning down at her, and she did something that surprised the both of them. She burst into tears.

Sanguine's smile disappeared and he was momentarily rendered speechless. Then Valkyrie did something even more unexpected. She leaped up onto her feet and flung her arms around Sanguine's neck. Sanguine recoiled a little at her touch.

"Thank you so much!" She cried. "Oh my God, thank you!" It was only when she felt his razor blade against the back of her neck she realised how monumentally, award winningly stupid she had been. She cursed wishing she could move out of the hug, but if she took a step back her neck would press into the blade and slice her open.

Sanguine laughed. "You let your guard down there, didn't ya? Did ya really think that I was doin' ya a favour from the kindness of my heart? Did ya think I had converted to the good guy's league? I only saved ya, lil' missy, so I could kill ya myself!"

"And here I was thinking I could start calling you _my hero_." She replied in a lethal tone, her lips right next to his ear.

He had one hand holding his razor to her neck and the other on the small of her back. Her arms were still around his shoulders. It was a deadly embrace they were both partaking in.

"Ya can still call me your hero if you like. In fact, why don't we make that your last words?"

"Over my dead body." She snapped.

"You know me so well." Sanguine smiled as he pressed the blade into her flesh.

Valkyrie yelped in pain. Just as she was waiting for him to finish her off and push the razor all the way in, she noticed a figure running towards them over Sanguine's shoulder.

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie murmured weakly.

The skeleton detective ran up behind Sanguine. He ripped his hand away from Valkyrie's neck, and grabbed a fistful of his hair. Skulduggery yanked Billy Ray backwards and slammed a knee into the side of his face.

"I'm the only one around her Valkyrie willingly calls her hero." He roared.

He threw Sanguine to the floor and kicked him in the side. He proceeded to throw a fireball into his chest.

Sanguine roared in agony and struggled to smother the flames desperately. He tried sitting up but Skulduggery smashed an almighty fist into his face and he fell back to the ground. With a groan Sanguine let the ground swallow him up, and he was gone.

Skulduggery heard Valkyrie whimper behind him and he spun to face her. She wobbled and fell. He dashed over to her and caught her before her head collided with the ground. He was reminded of when he dipped her low earlier that evening, when they were dancing.

She reached up and touched his cheekbone. "You saved me." She croaked.

"Of course I did. I _always _save you." He could feel a dampening on his glove that was supporting her neck. He looked at his hand and saw her blood. He growled quietly. "He cut you."

"I know. It hurts very much now that you come to mention it." Her voice was drained of all energy.

He scooped her up, careful not to touch her wound for fear of hurting her. He carried her over to his Bentley and gently laid her in the passenger seat and did up her seat belt. He drove with one hand on the wheel and one hand holding her hand.

Valkyrie tried to speak but her tongue felt heavy. She wondered how much blood she had lost and was still currently loosing. She looked over at Skulduggery and attempted a smile. "I meant it, you know."

He glanced at her. "Meant what?"

"I meant it when I said I'm in love with you."

He wished he could smile. "I know you did."

She looked at him expectantly. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to tell me you're in love with me too?"

He stopped the car and looked at her. He took off his black tie and used it to dab the wound on the back of her neck. She winced at the contact even though he was doing it as gently as humanly possible. He ripped of part of his pristine white shirt and tied it around her neck using it as a bandage. He looked at her adoringly.

"You don't need me to tell you that I'm in love with you, as I already think it's pretty obvious."

She grinned and nodded. "Yeah, it is."

Skulduggery laughed and gently stroked her cheek. "You look so beautiful tonight."

"Even with all this dirt and blood all over me?"

"Even then."

She laughed quietly. "My hero." She leaned in towards him.

Skulduggery anticipated what she was going to do and went to put on his façade but Valkyrie's hands stopped him.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Detective?" She smiled. "No façades tonight." She grabbed onto his collar and pulled him into a kiss, her lips pressed against his teeth.

She kissed him again, and again, and again. She knew he had loved her all along.

**So its a happy ending :)**

**I don't know what to write next, but I have a few ideas I am going to play around with. If you have any suggestions or ideas for stories then let me know, as I'm eager to hear!**

**Another chapter with a brand new drabble will be with you all soon!**

**xoxo  
**


	14. Valduggery: Decorations and Apologies

**This story was inspired by the extreme Christmas mood I'm in at the moment!**

**Thank you for the reviews and for adding my story to your favourites, and so on - it's giving me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside =p**

**So this story is totally random, and it ended totally different to what I intended it to, but I hope you like it any way :)  
**

It was December the fifteenth, and Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain were in Gordon's mansion – or rather Valkyrie's mansion as she was now eighteen – looking through the books in his study.

"Skulduggery, will you stay late and help me put up Christmas decoration please?"

He laughed humorlessly. "No I will not."

She frowned at him. "What? Why not?"

"I _hate _Christmas, Val – you know that."

"That doesn't mean you can't give me a hand putting up the decorations."

He sighed. "Christmas decorations are tacky and pointless. Only idiots get joy from putting them up and having competitions with their neighbours to see who can light up their house more than Vegas. Also they're dusk collectors."

Valkyrie looked at him in disbelief and raised her eyebrows. "All right, Ebenezer Scrooge, I was only asking!"

"Well don't." He mumbled. He was clearly in a bad mood today and he wasn't hiding it.

Putting a book back on its shelf and sighing irritably she decided to worm whatever was wrong out of him. "Why are you such a grouch today?"

"I hate Christmas." He muttered.

"Even so, you don't have to be such a Grinch. Besides, it's another ten days till Christmas... so get over it."

Skulduggery's temper suddenly flared for no apparent reason. "You expect me to get over the fact that I have no family to spend Christmas with?"

"You have me." She countered, trying and failing to keep her tone even. "Or am I not good enough for you?"

"When you're behaving like this, Valkyrie, no."

Valkyrie's eyes widened. She didn't know whether to be more shocked of hurt. "You're the one who is acting like a spoiled little child!" She snapped. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Skulduggery's tone dropped from being alarmingly loud, to unsettlingly quiet. "I'm sorry if I'm mourning the death of my wife and child at the wrong time for you. How selfish of me."

Valkyrie glared at him. "Yeah well, in five years of so I'll probably become Darquesse and destroy the world and everyone in it – including my parents – and then maybe I can be in sympathy with you!"

Skulduggery stared at her. He slowly shook his head. "That was _so_ uncalled for, Valkyrie."

"And so was what you said." She grumbled. "You know what... I'm out of here."

She picked up her coat and stormed out of the study. She started descending the stairs and got half way when a thought hit her. She turned and walked back to the study where a melancholy Skulduggery Pleasant resided.

"This is my house." She said quietly. "_You_ leave."

He nodded and said nothing. He left and drove off at top speed in his gleaming Bentley. Valkyrie felt an irrational tear roll down her cheek. She wiped it away angrily. "Emotional twat." She grumbled at herself.

She lazily made her way to the living room and found the box of Christmas decorations she kept behind the sofa. She pulled the massive box out into the middle of the room and stared at them. She suddenly felt enraged just by looking at them. They had managed to destroy her friendship with Skulduggery in the space of five minutes. She angrily kicked the box before sighing and reluctantly starting to hang them around the room.

When she was done she collapsed onto the sofa and curled up into a ball. She checked her phone to see if she had any calls from Skulduggery. There was none. She could feel tears threatening to spill over her cheeks but she gritted her teeth and held them back.

That's when she heard the doorbell ring. Sniffing and wiping her eyes she got up to answer the door. She slowly opened it and her mouth fell open, forming a little O shape when she saw the skeleton detective standing at her doorstep wearing a Santa hat. She shook her head and pulled herself together.

"What do you want?" She barked.

He tilted his head to one side. "A second chance."

Valkyrie crossed her arms but didn't take her gaze off him. "You should be so lucky." She snapped.

Skulduggery sighed. "Look, Val, I'm sorry. I snapped and that was wrong of me. When I realised how stupid I had been – and you must understand that with my ego, that part pained me greatly – I rushed back to you to apologise. Well actually I stopped to buy this ridiculous hat first to try and soften you up... but _then_ I came right back to you."

She raised an eyebrow. "So you think you can show up here, with an apology and a silly hat, and I will just forgive you."

"Yes." He nodded. "I did actually, but I brought you something else just in case that didn't work." He pulled out his hand from behind his back and presented her with a single red rose. "For you." He said with a smile evident in his tone.

No matter how hard she tried to keep a frown on her face, she just couldn't. He features softened and she smiled taking the rose from him. "Thank you, Skulduggery. I'm so sorry I was so insensitive to you."

"It's okay. I forgive you."

"How big of you!" She laughed, rolling her eyes. Ushering him inside, she asked a question that was playing on her mind. "Why did you bring me a rose?"

Skulduggery coughed nervously. "Er... isn't that always what they do in those chick flicks you like, when the guys messes up? He brings her flowers and she forgives him?"

"But you brought me a _single _red rose." She pressed. "That's only one. Singular, not plural. And aren't roses meant to be romantic anyway?"

"Er... well... I..." Skulduggery stuttered. He quickly changed the subject. "Oh look, you put the decorations up!"

His plan to distract her worked fabulously.

"Yeah," She nodded. "Looks good huh?"

"Indeed. I'm guessing you don't need my help now?" He asked a little disappointedly.

"No." She shook her head. "But you can help me decorate the tree if you like." She gestured to the plain pine tree in the corner.

If Skulduggery had lips he would have smiled. "I would _love _to."

They walked over to the tree and started to garnish it with tinsel and baubles.

Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery and asked the other question that was niggling in the back of her mind. "Do you _really_ think that only idiots put up Christmas decorations?"

"Yes." He said and paused. "But since I'm helping you put them up I guess I'm an idiot too."

She laughed. "Yes, you _are_ an idiot."

"I'm a _marvellous_ idiot." He corrected her.

Smiling she went back to dressing the tree. When they were done they stood back and admired their work.

"Looks good." Valkyrie noted.

"That's because I helped." Skulduggery boasted.

So rolled her eyes, and in doing so she saw what was hanging above them on the ceiling.

Mistletoe.

Her belly did back flips and when Skulduggery noticed how quiet she was being, he looked over at her. He followed her gaze with his empty eye sockets and saw what she was looking at.

"Ah." He mumbled.

"Mistletoe." She said almost inaudibly and looked at him.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Skulduggery slowly reached out for her hands. He pulled her close and was deliriously happy at how she gave in so easily. He brushed the strand of hair out of her eyes that always seemed to be there.

"Valkyrie." He said slow and quietly.

She leaned in towards him and hesitated. "Merry Christmas, Skulduggery." She said softly before kissing him lightly on his cheekbone.

Skulduggery sighed happily. "Merry Christmas, Valkyrie."

**I guess I wrote this because I was wondering how an argument between the two would pan out. However, while writing it I began to feel terrible for having them say such mean things to each other so I ended it with a little romance - which I didn't actually intend to do! Also it managed to go on for a lot longer than I expected it too!**

**Anyway :)**

**Let me know what you think :)**

**xoxo  
**


	15. Valduggery: A Scream: Part 1

**Warning! Highly emotional chapter here! Read with a box of tissues! ... I joke of course, it's not that bad! :)**

**This is a two-part story, this chapter being part one. Part two to come.**

**Valduggery: A Scream: Part 1:**

A scream. _His_ scream. Loud and piercing, shattering her fragile heart to pieces. She heard her own scream fill her ears, mix and tangle with his, although she didn't remember consciously making the decision to.

Skulduggery screamed again as he fell to the floor and writhed in pain. Agony making his bones shake and groan, threatening to crack and turn to dust. He screamed again, and again, and again, each shriek more high pitched than the last.

The reflection smiled happily, smug with her aim. One shock wave of eternal darkness was all it took. She was getting good at this _being Darquesse_ lark. Well... if the real Valkyrie wasn't going to take her rightful place as the destroyer of the world... she was. The reflection let the darkness dance over the skeleton and twist around his bones with devilish glee. She was enjoying this. His crying out was music to her ears.

The real Valkyrie continued to scream and cry and beg the reflection to stop. After a while she did. Only when the skeleton's cries of pain began to bore her did she cease torturing him. She looked at him. She looked at all of them. Valkyrie. Skulduggery. Tanith. Fletcher. Ghastly. China. They disgusted her. They _repulsed_ her. They were lower than the mud on the soles of her boots. She laughed once more before disappearing – a new feat her recent adventure of becoming Darquesse had graced her with.

And she was gone.

Valkyrie ripped herself out of Ghastly's grip, which was holding her back for her own good.

"Skulduggery!" She screamed, running to his lifeless side.

He lay there unmoving. A motionless skeleton lying on the wet grass. More dead than he'd ever been as long as she'd known him.

She lifted his skull onto her lap and began to cradle him like he was a small child, stroking his cheekbone.

"Skulduggery... talk to me..." She said between sobs. "Please... say something... please, just anything..."

Tanith came over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Val..." She tried but soon ran out of words.

Valkyrie started to beg. "Please! You can't leave me! Please!" Tears blurred her vision. "You've already left me once, you can't leave me again! I don't want to lose you!"

Ghastly kneeled beside her. "Val... It's over."

"No!" She shrieked, looking him in the eyes. "No! He won't leave me!" She turned her face back to Skulduggery. "You're just kidding around, aren't you, Skul? Just messing me about again – like you did in the Faceless One's world. You're going to sit up any second now and say _'Boo!'_ aren't you? Aren't you?" Valkyrie leaned closer to his skull. "Skulduggery?" She whispered.

"Come on." Ghastly pulled her to her feet.

Valkyrie's tears came even fiercer now. "But I love him." She said barely audibly.

"I know you do." He pulled her into a hug and she cried into his chest.

"I want him back." She sniffed.

"So do I." He said in a soft voice.

China looked at the sobbing girl and she got the most peculiar feeling in her stomach. It was growing and it began gnawing at her insides, leaving her feeling hollow. The more she looked at Valkyrie – the worse it got. What was this absurd phenomenon? Was she actually... _empathising_ for the poor girl? My God, she was. And She didn't like it one bit. Sighing she walked over to Skulduggery and kneeled beside him.

"China... what are you doing?" Tanith raised a suspicious eyebrow at her.

"Fixing this huge mess you're all in." She grumbled.

Valkyrie looked over at China. "You can't fix it." She said quietly. "He's dead. _Really_ dead this time."

"And he'll stay dead with that attitude."

Valkyrie pulled away from Ghastly and walked over to China. "You can bring him back?"

China stood up. "I can." She nodded. "And I can go one better than that... I can make him human again."

There was a beat.

"Liar." Valkyrie glared at her. "LIAR!" She screeched and went to advance.

China stopped Valkyrie's fist before it slammed into her face. "I am not lying." She said calmly. "I can make Skulduggery human again."

"How is that even possible?" Fletcher asked. "He always said that his fate was to be a skeleton for the rest of his eternity."

"That was what _he _thought." She looked over at the boy. "However I knew different... I've always known that... for the past four hundred years."

It was Tanith who came at China now. Ghastly held her back. "You deceitful, lying, rotten back-stabber!" She shouted at her at the top of her voice. "He's put up with being a skeleton for the majority of his life – being miserable all the while – and you just sat back and ... watched?"

"I did."

"Cow!" She yelled.

Fletcher tapped China's shoulder. "You still haven't answered my question." He glared at her with a look that could kill. "How is it possible?"

Sighing, China sorrows turned away from them. "The taker of a life has the ability to return it whenever they should so wish to."

"What are you talking about?" Valkyrie said slowly.

"I am saying... that in a round-a-bout way... I was responsible for Skulduggery being in his current skeletal state. I made him this way and I can undo it do."

There was a long drawn-out pause.

Valkyrie's breathing became fast and short. "You're evil." She said quietly. "You're a cold and heartless witch. You don't even deserve to have known him. He was too good for you."

"I don't doubt that for a second." China turned to face them. "However I intend to right my wrong."

"About bloody time!" Tanith snapped.

China looked at Valkyrie. "I am sorry about this, Valkyrie. I am sorry for keeping this from you and from being a traitor to you all. But I need your help now. I need you to trust me so I can bring him back. Back for good – to his flesh and blood state." She extended her Hand. "I need you Valkyrie Cain."

Valkyrie nodded. "Let's do this."

**So what did you think? Will Skulduggery get to live again - this time as a a flesh and blood man? Part two will reveal all :)**

**Thank you so much for the reviews - I can't thank you enough! :)**

**Part two very, very, _very_ soon!**

**xoxo  
**


	16. Valduggery: A Scream: Part 2

**Here is my part two of: Valduggery: A scream. It's quite long, so I hope you don't mind :)**

China Sorrows drew a circle, with a diameter of about two meters, on the grass in white chalk. Inside that she drew a stair, each of its points reaching out to touch the line of the circle. On the outside of the circle she drew various symbols that looked like the ones that were tattooed onto her slender body.

Ghastly was holding the lifeless Skulduggery, almost cradling him against his chest. Skulduggery's limbs dangled like a rag doll. Ghastly stared at his friend intently. The tiniest of all tears rolled down his cheek. Tanith walked over to him and wiped away his tear for him before tentatively putting her hands on his shoulders.

Fletcher was doing the _big brother _jobof trying to console Valkyrie. Trying and not succeeding. She was _inconsolable_. He draped an arm around her shoulders and held her hand comfortingly.

"He'll be okay, Val. I know it. Skulduggery has a habit of doing the impossible."

She looked at him. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because he's Skulduggery Pleasant." Fletcher smiled. "Enough said."

Valkyrie almost laughed, despite herself. She paused before speaking. "I was twelve when I first met him. He was... tall, and mysterious, and illusive. He had this velvety voice and he talked to me like he had known me all my life. For the past six years he _was_ my life. He can't leave me now." A glossy tear spilled over her cheek.

Sighing Fletcher pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back soothing ly.

China was touching certain symbols that she had drawn and they started to glow orange. "I am ready." She tuned to Ghastly. "Lay him inside the star."

Ghastly nodded and did as he was told, gently laying Skulduggery onto the wet ground, next to China. He stood back to watch from a safe distance.

China met Valkyrie's gaze. "Before I do this you must have one thing clear. Once I start I cannot stop, and no one else can interfere. Under no circumstances must anyone step inside this circle unless they want to die a particularly painful and messy death. I don't care how much he screams, cries or begs you to help him – you must ignore him. Do you understand me?"

Valkyrie knew China's speech was aimed at her so she nodded.

"Good." China said and kneeled by Skulduggery. She cursed at having to get her gorgeous blue skirt all wet and muddy. She sighed thinking _we all have to make sacrifices I guess._ She placed her delicate hands onto Skulduggery's skull and closed her eyes. She began chanting in a language that Valkyrie didn't know.

China's brow started to furrow in concentration as her chanting got louder. Valkyrie noticed Skulduggery's skeletal hand twitch ever-so-slightly. Her eyes bugged out of her head as her mouth dropped open. Her pulse rate accelerated. For a split second she saw life spark through his bones again. She stared without risking blinking.

China's chanting was increasing in volume and Skulduggery's hand twitched again. Then a leg twitched along with an arm. A low groan escaped his teeth.

"Oh my God." Valkyrie mumbled. "It's working... it's actually working."

Skulduggery groaned even louder and his skull moved to one side. He mumbled something inaudible. Then suddenly, without warning, convulsions ran through his entire skeletal frame and he shrieked in agony.

Valkyrie crumpled to the floor at the sound of his pain. "What the hell is happening?" She screamed.

China ignored her, her hands still on Skulduggery's cranium. He cried out again, his whole entire body having a fit as fire burned throughout his frame.

"I can't watch this." Valkyrie whispered, but as if she was trying to contradict herself, she was unable to drag her gaze away from him.

That's when Skulduggery began shouting her name. "Valkyrie!" He screamed. "Help me! Help me, Valkyrie! Make it stop! It's tearing me apart! Valkyrie!"

Seeing him beg was more than she could stand. Skulduggery Pleasant should _never_ have to beg. "I'm coming Skulduggery!" She yelled and raced towards him.

"Stop her!" Tanith demanded.

Just as Valkyrie was about to jump into the circle, Fletcher teleported beside her and grabbed onto her arm. In the blink of an eye they were standing beside Ghastly and he wrapped his huge, muscular arms around Valkyrie – make escape impossible.

"Let me go! I have to help him!" She sobbed.

"I can't." Ghastly replied softly.

"Please!"

"I'm sorry, Val."

Skulduggery kept on roaring in agony, and despite the fact he couldn't physically cry, it sounded like he was. "Someone help me!" He pleaded. "Please make it stop!"

As if she was answering his prayers, China took her hands off of his skull and Skulduggery's seizure stopped. China swayed slightly and her face met the ground. Skulduggery, however, lay unmoving as if he was still dead.

"Nothing's happening." Fletcher noted.

"Wait for it." China grumbled.

They waited and after a few moments he started to shake. Before anyone could ask what was going on, blue light exploded from within him. It flooded through his bones and danced in and out of his ribcage. It shot straight up into the night sky, looking like a laser show.

The light got so bright that Skulduggery wasn't visible anymore. Valkyrie didn't look away no matter how much her eyes stung. The blue stayed so prominent for the next three minutes before it started to die down. The blue began to fade and evaporate. Skulduggery started to come back into view. Valkyrie could see his outline lying on the grass in his tattered suit.

Wait. Something was wrong. Something was different. _He_ was different.

"Is he okay?" She called over to China.

"Go and find out for yourself." She mumbled not bothering to get up. "The circles safe now."

Ghastly released Valkyrie and she walked sheepishly over towards Skulduggery. Blue fog surrounded him, blocking him from view. She kneeled beside him and waved the smoke out of the way –coughing – so that she could see him. She glimpsed his face and gasped, cupping her hands over her mouth.

"What is it, Val?" Tanith called.

"Come and look for yourself." She replied.

They walked over to her, stepping over China on the way and stared at Skulduggery.

"Oh my God..." Ghastly murmured. "He looks..."

"Human." Valkyrie finished. She gently stroked hid flesh covered cheek. "He _is_ human." She whispered, barely believing her own words.

Skulduggery groaned and his eyes fluttered. His eyelids slowly opened and he stared up at the sky. He reached up to run a hand over his skull but was surprised to feel his fingers run through hair. He didn't remember putting on his façade. In fact he didn't remember anything after Valkyrie's reflection attacked him with a wave of darkness. He groaned again and looked at his hand expecting to see bone. He saw skin. "What the..." He muttered. He slowly sat up and saw his friends staring at him mouth agape. "What's going on?" he asked them.

China pulled out a hand mirror from her pocket and chucked it at him. "Look for yourself."

He caught it and opened it up, looking at himself. He nearly choked when he saw his own face staring back at him. His _own_ face that he hadn't seen in over four hundred years. He still had his short, dark brown, cropped hair and soft brown eyes. He still looked as dashing as ever.

"Good God." He said softly. "I'm me again."

"You're welcome." China muttered from the floor. "Fletcher, be a dear and teleport me back to my library."

Fletcher nodded and obliged, disappearing with China in a 'pop'.

Skulduggery slowly got up and he ran his fingers through his hair again happily. "How do I look?" He asked with a grin.

"Smug as ever." Ghastly cracked a smile.

"Handsome!" Tanith beamed.

"I was still handsome as a skeleton." He raised his eyebrows at her, enjoying the way he could use his own facial features again.

"I see that your experience hasn't dented your ego at all." Ghastly noted.

"Of course it hasn't." He smiled. "I am me, and I can only be me if I have both my good looks _and _my ego."

Valkyrie was still sitting on the ground staring at him. She finally spoke. "You're not real." She said in a quiet voice.

Skulduggery turned to her. "Valkyrie?"

"You're not real." She repeated. "You can't be back... you're dead. I watched you die – for real this time. You're not real."

Fletcher re appeared beside the others. Ghastly grabbed onto Tanith's hand and suggested "We should go... let these two have some privacy... Fletcher?"

He nodded and teleported them elsewhere leaving Skulduggery and Valkyrie alone. She stood up and stared at him. "Why are you doing this to me?" She asked.

"Doing what?" He replied gently.

She started to cry. "Why are you breaking my heart?"

Skulduggery's face filled with concern and he rushed to her, enveloping her in a hug. "I don't mean to upset you." He said softly. "I don't even know _how_ I am hurting you to be honest."

"Because you're not real! You're not Skulduggery!" She insisted.

"But I am." He looked at her.

"But you can't be! It's too good to be true. All I've ever wanted is for you to be human again, and now when it finally happens – it's only some horrible hallucination! A trick of the mind!"

He sighed. "Poor thing. I've put you through so much pain in the last six years. How can I ever make it up to you?"

"You can't. You're not real."

He reached out a hand to her and it tenderly caressed her cheek. It felt nice to have skin again. To have skin touching skin. It felt familiar and safe. "Could a trick of the mind touch you?"

"Maybe." She sniffed.

He took a step closer and his hand trailed from her cheek to her neck making her skin tingle. "How about now?" he asked.

"I. Don't. Know." She said a little dizzily. His touch was sending sparks through her body.

Stepping even closer now, his hand found the small of her back as his other hand traced over her collar bones. "And now?"

She sighed. It was really him. He was human again, and gorgeous with a smile playing across his perfect lips. "You... you're really here?"

"I am."

"Wow."

"I know." He let his fingers trail up and down her neck. She was so gorgeous! How had he not noticed this until now? He had been a fool.

Her head spun a little as his touch overwhelmed her. His fingers were warm and soft. He was clearly enjoying being human again, and he also could clearly see the effect he was having on her. "So... what's the first thing you're going to do now that you're human again?"

"I have an idea." He smiled. "It's something I haven't done in over four hundred years, but what I've wanted to do for _so_ long. I'm pretty good at too if I must say. Back In the day – I used to be proud of this skill. I want to see if I can still do it."

Her eyebrows arched. "What are you going to do?"

"Valkyrie Cain, I am going to kiss you."

"Oh..." She grinned. "Well I won't stop you."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her, his lips melting into hers. He had missed kissing so much – even more than having hair. And now he had someone to catch up on all the practice he'd missed. He laughed against her lips, as her hands greedily went around to the back of his neck pulling him closer to her.

He was going to enjoy being human again _very_ much.

**So there you go! After all that sadness we get a happy ending! :)**

**Unfortunately Skulduggery wont get to be human in all of my stories, but if I feel the need to make him flesh and blood again - then I will, so not to worry!**

**Thank you for all my wonderful reviews, including one very special one from Holly Swift, who gave me a brilliant idea for a story! This will be the next Valduggery chapter!**

**More coming really soon! :D**

**xoxo  
**


	17. Valduggery: Meet the parents

**This story was inspired by the brilliant mind of Holly Swift who suggested the story idea to me - Thanks a bunch! XD**

**This is a bit long so I hope you dont mind! :D**

**Enjoy 3  
**

Vaurien Scapegrace smirked at the skeleton detective and the girl. How he hated them. How he wanted to tear them to shreds for all the times they're wronged him. How he wanted to kill them right this instant. Well now he could. He ran at them screeching a battle cry.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie didn't move an inch. Skulduggery splayed his hands and sent a wall of air hurtling into him. Scapegrace was slammed off his feet and he went crashing into the ground.

"Ow." He muttered. He pulled himself to his feet and grinned. Scapegrace ran at them again .

Skulduggery sent another wall of air at him and Scapegrace was knocked down again. He got up and looked at them.

"Are you going to try it a third time, Vaurien?" Asked Skulduggery. "Because if you are, then please, just let me arrest you now – we have work to do."

"You will never arrest me!" Scapegrace laughed. "I am the Killer Supreme!"

"No you're not. You're a rotting pile of flesh."

"Killer Supreme." Scapegrace insisted.

Skulduggery shook his head. "I'm not here to argue. You're under arrest, Vaurien."

Scapegrace pouted a little. "Why?"

"You tried to kill me last week." Valkyrie noted. "That's illegal."

"I was _joking_!" He said, exasperated. "Can't you take a _joke_?"

"No." She summoned a flame into her hand. "You're under arrest."

Scapegrace stood his ground for five seconds before running away sobbing.

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. "Aren't we going to chase him?"

Skulduggery shook his head. "He's no threat to us. Not to anyone. Besides He'll rot away to nothing soon enough."

She nodded "Good point. When are we going to pick up Fletcher from the-"

"Steph?" A voice from behind them spoke quietly.

Valkyrie was frozen to the spot. She knew that voice all too well. Skulduggery quickly activated his façade. She turned around slowly and her suspicions were affirmed when she saw her parents standing a few meters away.

"Steph... what's going on?" Her father asked. "Who's this guy?"

Skulduggery turned and smiled. "I am a friend of Stephanie's."

"No you're not." Valkyrie's mother disagreed. "We know her friends, and you're not one of them. Who are you?"

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "Over to you." He mumbled.

She glared at him before returning her gaze back onto the faces of her worried parents.

"Oh my goodness, Steph." He mother rushed over to her. "Was this man trying to kidnap you? Is that what he was trying to do? Well we won't let him, don't you worry!" She pulled her daughter into a tight hug.

Her father strode over to Skulduggery who stood with his hands in his pockets, looking calm. "You better not have laid a finger on my daughter!" He spat. "Or I swear to God you will regret it if you have!"

Valkyrie pulled out of her mother's grip and stood at Skulduggery's side. "Mum, dad, he isn't trying to kidnap me. One I'm eighteen and therefore too old to be kidnapped. Two He is my _friend_. I met him a few years ago – you've just never had the pleasure of meeting him."

Her mother raised her eyebrows disapprovingly. "You've now him for a few years? You've been sneaking around with this... this misfit, for years without telling us?"

Damn. Mistake one.

"He could be dangerous!"

"Give me a break." She sighed.

Her father's temper soared. "Excuse me?" He snapped. "Eighteen years old or not, you can _not_ talk to us like that!"

Valkyrie's voice was rising also. "I can do whatever I want, dad. I've been doing it for years now!"

"Oh have you?"

Damn. Mistake two.

"Yes." She glowered at them. "You never knew about it because you never needed too! And I don't intend to stop now!"

"Do not shout at me, young lady."

"I'll do whatever I want!"

"No you won't, Stephanie."

Valkyrie growled angrily. "Yes I will! I do _what_ I like and I do it _when_ I like! Do you know why? Because I'm _eighteen_ now, and _you_ don't own me!"

Skulduggery stepped forward. "Now, now." He raised his hands defensively. "Let's not be hasty here. We'd hate to say something hurtful that we don't really mean." He was ignored.

Stephanie's mother spoke with a pleading tone. "Please let's not argue... Stephanie...Desmond."

"And another thing!" Valkyrie snapped. "Stop calling me Stephanie! It's not my name anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Her father roared.

Valkyrie threw her hands up into the air, exasperated. "I give up, I'm out of here."

"You aren't going anywhere!" Her father announced.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Just you try to stop me." She muttered and strode off. "Skul, you know where I'll be."

"Stephanie! Come back!" Her mother called after her with tears in her eyes.

Skulduggery stood there awkwardly for a few moments before saying anything. "Erm... I'm going to check if she is okay..."

"I don't trust you." Desmond said.

"I know you don't."

"But you're still going to go after her anyway aren't you?"

"I am."

"And what if I say no?"

"Desmond!" Melissa snapped. "He is trying to help! Our daughter has just run off somewhere and _he_ knows where to find her! We're really not in a position to argue!"

He looked at his wife for a few moments before his features softened. "Okay, love."

Skulduggery looked at Melissa. "Look, I'll go and find her, we'll have a chat, and I'll bring her straight home. Okay?"

Desmond nodded slowly. "Okay."

Skulduggery nodded at them before turning on his heel and striding down the street to find his friend and Partner, Valkyrie Cain. He knew where she would be.

...

Valkyrie was sitting by the lake in Rose Park. She had laid her coat on the wet grass and sat down on it. She was watching the ducks swim around in circles, deliriously happy. She heard footsteps behind her, and she didn't need to turn to know who it is.

"Don't start with me, Skulduggery." She warned.

"How did you know it was me?"

"I'm a genius."

"Yeah, no. You're really not."

"Shut up."

He crouched down beside her. "Shuffle over." He nudged her.

"Why can't you sit on your own coat?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"My coat is too stylish to get wet, so move over."

She did as she was told and he sat beside her. He was closer to her than he would have usually sat on the account of the fact her coat was so small. Or slim, rather – on account of her figure being so slender.

A few moments of silence passed. All that could be heard was the trees rustling in the breeze and the ducks quietly quacking.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"Not really."

"I think we should."

"What is there to talk about?"

He sighed and took of his hat. Today's façade had shaggy, bronze hair and warm, brown eyes. "Well," he began. "You've just had a major row with your parents – which you never do – and you almost spilled the whole _magic secret._"

"And?" She stared at her boots.

"And you don't feel even slightly upset? Not even a tiny bit? Not even an incy wincy bit?"

There was no reply. Instead Valkyrie's bottom lip quivered.

"Oh, Val." He said wrapping an arm around her.

"I'm such an idiot." She mumbled holding back the tears.

"You are nothing of the sort. You are sometimes extremely daft, and you rush into danger without a blind bit of thought... but you are not an idiot."

"Yes I am." Her voice cracked and a solitary tear rolled down her cheek. She forbid anymore from escaping.

He tilted her head upwards so she had to look at him. He wiped away her tear with his thumb. "This is not up for discussion." He said softly.

"Why's that?" She sniffed.

"Because I make it a point to never kiss an idiot." He stroked her cheek.

Before she could ask what he was talking about, he was leaning in and tenderly kissing her with his façade's lips. Well this was something new. All rational thoughts abandoned her and she melted into is arms. He pulled away from her and smiled. She beamed back at him.

"Now," he said. "It's time for you to apologise to your mum and dad, and introduce me to them while you're at it."

She nodded. "Okay. But if we do this, we do it my way."

"How do you mean?"

"No façades. I want them to know everything. No more secrets."

He hesitated before nodding. "No more secrets."

...

Valkyrie sighed as she opened the front door. What on Earth was she getting herself into? Her parents heard her coming and rushed out to greet her. The simultaneously enveloped her in a hug and she laughed.

"I've been gone half an hour, chill out."

"Never." Her dad muttered. "I'm already cool enough."

She pulled away from them. "I'm really sorry." She began. "I was horrible and I said thing I shouldn't have, but I can explain it all." Before they could respond she held her hand up to them and summoned a flame. Her parents stood and stared. She extinguished the flame and looked at them. "Well? What do you think?"

Her mother fainted and her dad caught her.

"There's more." She said sheepishly. "Skulduggery... you can come in now.

Skulduggery walked in. Slowly he removed his hat, scarf and sunglasses. All he had was a skull for a head. "Hello." He greeted her dad in a friendly way.

Her dad fainted too, crashing to the ground with his wife in his arms.

Skulduggery nodded and took Valkyrie's hand, entwining their fingers. "Well, I think they took that well."

**Once again, thank you to Holly Swift :)**

**I hope you all enjoyed it!**

**If anyone else has ideas then let me know!**

**More Valduggery coming up really soon!**

**xoxo  
**


	18. Valduggery: Awkward part 1

**So this is where I need your help. I was just going to have this a one-chapter story but once I was finished writing it I found myself wondering what would happen next? Would the situation fizzle out and die down or would romance blossom? If you can let me know what you think that would be awesome :)**

**Anyway, Enjoy :)  
**

"Valkyrie Cain, get down from there this instant!"

"I'm putting up fairy lights, bother me later, Skul."

"Why are you putting up fairy lights? It's July."

"It's for the party."

"Party? You're having a party?"

Valkyrie sighed and looked down at the skeleton detective. She was struck a little bit, by a sudden wave of vertigo but she shook it off. She was about twenty-five feet up on a ladder, and Skulduggery was panicking. "I've already told you this, Tanith and I are throwing a party here – at Gordon's mansion – for our friends."

"What friends?"

"Oh I don't know, sorcerers – that kind of thing – is it important?"

Skulduggery shoved his hands into his pockets in a sulky kind of way. "Oh. Okay then... There isn't going to be any alcohol at this party is there?"

"Yes." She said as she was draping the lights over the roof ledge.

"What? No! I don't give you permission!"

Valkyrie laughed. "You don't _give me permission?_ Okay, firstly, I don't need your permission to do anything because I never do what you tell me to anyway. And secondly, I'm eighteen now and I'm therefore allowed to drink so don't tell me what to do-"

A spider crawled across her hand making her jump. She wobbled on the ladder, and with each wobble her balance was thrown off more and more.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery called out in alarm.

She screamed as her weight shifted backwards and she fell twenty-five feet. The air whooshed past her as she tumbled and plummeted towards the ground. If Skulduggery had a heart, it would have been beating so hard that it would of burst free of his chest. Every rational idea escaped him, so instead of using the air to slow her descent or flying up to grab hold of her; he clumsily held his arms out to catch her.

She crashed into his arms, and although he caught her, the impact was too much and he fell to the ground with Valkyrie in his arms – sort of.

"Ow." She moaned, not opening her eyes yet. "That really hurt. Thanks for catching me, Skul... sort of. Are you okay?" When he didn't reply she opened her eyes and looked at him. She was instantly aware of why he was being so quiet. He was fine; it was just the way she was positioned on him. She was lying directly on top of him, legs either side of his hips, torso against torso, and her lips next to where his ear were supposed to be.

"Yes, I'm okay, Valkyrie." He finally said in a hushed tone.

She was going to get up but as she pushed herself up onto her elbows she was aware of his hand on her back, keeping her there – not viciously or forcefully... but in a comforting way. Her face flushed bright red.

"Ahem?" Said a voice from behind them. "Am I interrupting something?" Tanith asked.

Valkyrie jumped up at the speed of light. "No!"

Skulduggery was right behind her. "Nothing! Tanith, it was nothing... it was..." He stuttered, a little tongue-tied. "I have to go. I... er... I will be back later for the party... bye." He strode off in the general direction of his car.

Valkyrie looked at Tanith who arched her eyebrows at her.

"Well..." Valkyrie muttered. "That was awkward."

**So should I continue with this or start a new story? Whatever you pick I can assure you the will be LOTS of romance up next :)**

**xoxo  
**


	19. Valduggery: Awkward part 2

**So, I decided to continue on from valduggery: Awkward. This is part two. I hope you like. And before you ask, yes, there will be a part three and possibly more. Each new part getting more romantic than than the last.**

**I really hope you like it :)**

Skulduggery parked in the mansion's huge driveway and sighed as he remembered earlier on today. He was glad he had no skin as he would have blushed madly at her. He put on his hat and got out of the car, making his way to the front door. He noticed the fairy lights on the roof twinkling a variety of different colours.

He knocked loudly on the door and had to wait a few minutes before it was answered. He could hear the music inside. It was horrible, just a bunch of noise – young people's music. He was totally out of his comfort zone. The door was finally answered by Valkyrie.

Skulduggery's jaw dropped open. She looked more beautiful and alluring than it should ever be legal to. She was wearing a hot pink halter neck dress that came in tight to hug and cling in all the right places. It was slightly revealing but still modest, with a hem that came halfway down her thigh. He quickly shut his mouth and cleared his throat. "You look lovely."

She smiled making her big brown eyes sparkle. "Thank you, So do you."

He looked down at himself. He looked no different to usual. Then again he usually looked quite dapper anyway. "I know."

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be a goon."

Skulduggery followed Valkyrie through the house and the full blast of the music hit him. God it _was_ terrible. He looked at Valkyrie as she walked in front of him. He noticed how she walked with a little bit of a suggestive saunter. Her hips rocking slightly as her perfect legs crossed faintly with each step she took...

He shook his head, banishing such thoughts from his mind. He was a skeleton, the remains of a dead man, an oddity... and she was a girl... or rather, a woman now. She was human. Living breathing and beautiful. And above all that he was far too old for her. She was eighteen and he was over 400 years old.

She was leading him to the living room where Ghastly was. Skulduggery saw his friend and sighed with relief. He was about to walk off but Valkyrie pulled him back.

She smiled fondly at him. "Have fun okay?" She shouted over the music. "Help yourself to anything you need, and if you want to find me I'll be around, okay?"

"Sure." He nodded.

"Oh and one other thing." She grinned at him. "You owe me a dance later. That's an order."

He hesitated before nodding. "As you wish."

Valkyrie walked off to mingle with her guests as Skulduggery made his way over to Ghastly who was holding a beer can. "Any good?" He nodded to the can.

Ghastly shook his head. "Not really. I'm not much of a drinker, as you know."

"Yeah, me neither."

"However... Tanith..." He trailed off.

Skulduggery tilted his head and followed Ghastly's gaze. He spotted a drunk Tanith low dancing with Fletcher on the coffee table. "Good grief. She _must_ be drunk to willingly dance with Fletcher."

"I know." He mumbled. "How am I supposed to get her home tonight?"

"Why don't the both of you crash here?" Skulduggery suggested. "I'm sure Val won't mind."

Ghastly looked thoughtful for a moment. "I guess we could. Are you going to stay?"

"My God, no. I'm only here _now_ to put in an appearance."

Ghastly grinned. "Yeah, sure you are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're sure you didn't come tonight because the thought of Valkyrie in a sexy little dress was too tempting for you?"

"Don't start with me, Bespoke." He grumbled grumpily.

Ghastly rolled his eyes. "Oh sure, Tanith saw you two earlier today."

"That wasn't what it looked like."

"Just you keep telling yourself that, Skul. " Ghastly patted his friend's shoulder. "Now I'm going to go and try to rein Tanith in."

Skulduggery watched him go over to Tanith and wrap an arm around her waist and pull her down from the coffee table. She flung her arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly. Skulduggery was happy for them. They deserved each other.

He walked out into the kitchen and sat at the table. He took off his hat and rested his head in his hands, sighing. He suddenly felt so... _old. _Old and lonely. He stayed there for a few hours meditating before he was interrupted.

"Are you okay?"

Skulduggery looked up and saw Valkyrie. She had a glass of white wine in her hand. "Yes. I'm fine."

"How long have you been out here?"

"A few hours."

"You need to lighten up, Skul." She said with a smile.

"A little difficult when I can't drink. Speaking of which, how much have you had tonight?"

"This is only my second, so relax."

"Okay. Good." A song came on that Skulduggery recognised: 'Brown Eyed Girl'. He stood up. "Oh finally. A song I like."

"You don't like my other music?"

"Not really. To be brutally honest, I think the majority of it is fairly vulgar."

"Ooooh!" She teased in a high voice.

Skulduggery took the glass from her– putting it on the table. He laced his fingers between hers on one of his hands, and he placed the other on the small of her back, pulling her close.

"What are you doing?" She asked, curiously.

"You said I owed you a dance."

She grinned at him and rested her free hand on his shoulder. "Ah, now I remember."

They began to dance, him guiding her around the room and her laughing the whole time. Skulduggery began to sing to her.

"_You're my, brown eyed girl."_

The song slowed to an end and he twirled her a couple of times. She became dizzy and clutched onto him.

"Woah." She buzzed.

"Are you okay?"

"Head rush."

He shrugged. "I have that effect on you all the time anyway."

She punched his arm but said nothing. He tilted her head upwards by her chin so he could look into her eyes. She went to speak but he put a finger against her lips.

"Valkyrie..." He murmured softly.

She looked at him and butterflies flitted around in her stomach wildly. She reached up a hand to stroke his cheek bone gently.

Fletcher walked into the room. "Val, where's the bottle opener? Tanith is resorting to opening her drink with her teeth – oh... I didn't you two were... er... er..."

"Fletcher!" Valkyrie said, highly embarrassed. "The bottle opener? Oh... er... it's in the... I'll go find it, don't worry." She hurried out of the kitchen.

Fletcher looked at Skulduggery. "Awkward."

**Part three soon. Very soon :)**

**More romance to come!**

**xoxo  
**


	20. Valduggery: Awkward part 3

**This is part 3 of Valduggery: Awkward. I hope you like it :)**

**I have been in the dentist today having root canal, so to cheep myself up I wrote a more... exciting part to the story. You'll see what I mean.**

**I feel like I should warn you... some parts do get the teenie weeniest bit hot under the collar.**

**Enjoy :)**

Fletcher grinned at Skulduggery, a snicker bubbling up inside him, threatening to burst free of his lips.

"That wasn't what it looked liked..." Skulduggery tried.

"That excuse doesn't work if you use it all the time, mate."

"It wasn't an excuse."

"You're a bad liar."

"You're annoying."

"Annoying, but good looking."

Skulduggery wished he had eyes to roll. "Whatever you say, Fletch. I don't have time for this."

Fletcher frowned at him. "Skul, I was only joking. You're not leaving are you?"

He sagged. "I don't know."

"What's up?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know much, do you?"

"Please don't insult my intelligence. It's a monstrous thing to do, I can't bear it."

Fletcher nodded. "That's the spirit. Mask your pain with humour.

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side. "Who said I was in pain?"

"I did. Just now. It's obvious you have a thing for Val, and why wouldn't you? I mean, she is gorgeous, funny, smart. Who _wouldn't _have a crush on her."

"Fletcher, I'm over 400 years old. I am too old to have a crush on anyone."

"Hey man – I don't judge! Age is but a number. I dated Val for a bit, but we ended years ago. She's all yours now."

Skulduggery shook his head. "Like I said... I have no time for this." He went to walk out of the kitchen but Fletcher grabbed onto his arm to stop him. "Let me go, Fletcher."

"Not until you tell me the real reason why you won't admit you like Valkyrie."

"She can do better than me."

"That's not the real reason."

"Please just let me go, Fletch-"

"You're scared aren't you?"

"Fletcher..." The anger rising in Skulduggery's tone.

"That's it isn't it? Your scared of what she'll say, or if she'll reject you. You're _terrified._"

Skulduggery said nothing but tore his arm from Fletcher's grip. He strode out from the kitchen.

...

Valkyrie scurried out of the kitchen and away from the awkward situation, feeling her cheeks burning. She made for the lounge where the table of alcohol was and fixed herself up a glass of brandy. Then she had another. And another. And another. She wanted to drink herself silly, until her embarrassment was a faint, blurry memory.

"Woah. Slow down, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie turned to see the beautiful China Sorrows. "China." She nodded in greeting. "Ta for coming."

"My, you are a courteous drunk."

"I aims to please."

"Maybe you should stop now?"

"Yeah, no."

"Where is Skulduggery?"

"He s'around."

China laughed. "That is _so_ helpful, Valkyrie."

"I try."

"I'm going to go find him."

"Kay... laters."

China saw Skulduggery march out from the kitchen and sit on the far sofa in the living room. She went to sit and converse with him. However, Valkyrie could feel the alcohol going to her head and she swayed a little. Her eyelids fluttered as she giggled. Tanith was dancing on the coffee table again, so she decided to join her.

"Got any room for me up there, Tan?"

"Always, Val."

They started to dance together, drawing a cheering crowd around them. Skulduggery heard the cheering and took his attention away from China. He spotted Valkyrie right away, the dark haired girl in the hot pink dress, dancing in a way that was far beyond her years. She was dancing in a way that could only be described as... suggestive.

"She is so drunk." He sighed shaking his head.

"What are you going to do?" Asked China.

"Fix everything. Like I always do."

She stood up and pushed past the crown of young sorcerers and mages.

"Valkyrie Cain, get down from this instant!" She ignored him. "I mean it, Valkyrie, I am _ordering _you to get from there this _instant. _You are horribly, horribly plastered. Are you even listening to me?"

She wasn't listening to him at all. She was just focusing on the music. The song changed and her eyes lit up with enthusiasm. It was Lady Marmalade. Tanith grinned at Valkyrie in a devilishly mischievous kind of way. Slowly she turned to look at Skulduggery.

"Valkyrie, you are going to be in so much trouble if you don't get down from there in the next five seconds. Five... Four... three-"

He was cut short when Valkyrie grabbed onto his tie and pulled him closer to her. He was forced to step up onto the table with her.

"Have you lost your mind completely?" He asked.

Valkyrie started signing the lyrics to him. _"__He met marmalade down in old Moulin Rouge,  
strutting her stuff on the street." _She continued to dance in front of him in that suggestive fashion.

Skulduggery's breathing quickened. "Valkyrie, you're drunk." He muttered.

She put her hands onto his chest and ran them down his torso, as she stepped unbelievable close to him. _"She said, hello, hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?_" She fluttered her eyelashes and bit her lip, making Skulduggery shake. He wasn't sure why he was shaking. Nerves, maybe? Perhaps Fletcher was right... possibly he was scared. He stood there, like stick, refusing to give into his desires and indulge in her behaviour.

She turned her back to him and slid down him and back up. The crowd cheered. Turning to face him, Valkyrie continued to sing.

"_Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da,  
Gitchi gitchi ya ya hee,  
Mocca chocolata ya ya,  
Creole Lady Marmalade."_

Skulduggery resisted the urge to take her in his arms and...

_NO!_ He thought loudly. _YOU WILL NOT THINK OF HER IN THAT WAY!_

She pushed him down so he was sitting on the table – as if it were a chair – his legs over the edge. She sat on his lap and leaned her face in, so her lips were where his ear was supposed to be. She whispered in a silky voice. "Voulez-vous coucher, avec moi, ce soir, Detective?"

"You're drunk, Valkyrie. You don't want this."

"I do." She whispered.

"You don't. That's the alcohol talking."

"On the contrary, Detective, the alcohol is what's giving me the courage to say this. I fight bad guys, monsters, and even evil Gods on a daily basis with you – but who knew that I could be scared to tell you how I really feel. Isn't it... odd?"

Her arms made their way around his neck – or rather, spinal column – and she felt him go rigid.

"This has to stop right now." He murmured, though he didn't sound convincing.

"Do you want it to stop? Be honest, now, Detective."

"I don't necessarily _want_ it to stop, but it _has _to."

"Why... am I bothering you?" A smile played across her lips. She moved her face slowly away from the left side of his skull to rest it onto the right side. "How about now? Is _this_ bothering you, Detective Pleasant?" Her lips trailed, just centimetres away from brushing against bone, until they were close to his teeth. "Are you bothered yet, Detective?" He remained silent and she giggled. However her laughing made her head spin, and with a groan she flopped forward and passed out draped over him.

This couldn't _possibly_ be more awkward...

**See what I mean? :P**

**More to come, I planning on adding in some real soppy, lovey, gooey, romance stuff in the next bit so keep your eyes open for it! :)**

**Thanks for the reviews guys :)**

**xoxo  
**


	21. Valduggery: Awkward part 4

**This is the last part of the Valduggery: Awkward story! Don't worry, it ends in romance :)**

**I really hope you like it :)**

Skulduggery scooped Valkyrie up into his arms so that he was cradling her against his chest. "RIGHT! UNLESS YOUR NAME IS EITHER TANITH, GHASTLY, FLETCHER OR CHINA, GET OUT! NOW!"

A loud moan erupted from the crowd.

"NOW!" He roared.

The other sorcerers began filing out. Skulduggery noticed China leaving.

"China, I said you could stay." Skulduggery called to her.

She turned and looked at him. "Stay here with a selection of people who don't particularly like me and a drunken girl? That is _highly_ unlikely." She smiled flawlessly before leaving them.

Ghastly was propping Tanith up. He looked over at Fletcher. "Fletch, help me get her onto the sofa. All three of us will crash down here."

"I'll take Val up to her bedroom and get her settled. Then I think I'll stay there to keep an eye on her." Skulduggery made for the stairs.

"Okay." Ghastly called after them.

Skulduggery climbed the stairs, making a conscious effort not to disturb the sleeping beauty in his arms. He found her room and gently laid her down on the bed. He watched her slumber for a while. She was drooling slightly, but she was still the most beautiful person in the world to him. Her chest moved up and down in rhythmic patterns as she inhaled and exhaled. Reaching his hand towards her face, he swept her hair off of her delicate face. She was so beautiful it almost hurt him to look at her.

Skulduggery sighed and unwillingly tore himself away from her, walking over to the other side of the room. He had been so close tonight. So close to telling her how he felt. So close to giving in to her. So close to getting what he only really wanted anymore... _her_. Hs gaze fell upon an open notebook on her desk. He picked it up and flicked through the pages. It just looked like a normal diary to him. That's when he saw his name. _Skulduggery._ Compelled, he read on.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today Skulduggery held my hand while I was scared while venturing into the Caves Of Wrath. It was amazing. Every time he touches me I get all these little sparks go flying through my entire body. Why does he always have to be so cautious around me? I've made it so obvious how I feel but he is so oblivious. The heart is so stupid._

Skulduggery stared at the entry as he slowly digested each and every word. He read the next chapter.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today me and Skulduggery went to go see China Sorrows. I hate going to see her. She flirts with Skulduggery nonstop and it drives me insane. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT! I know he isn't interested in her – but it still hurts. She is just so gorgeous, and I'm so plain. When we left he could tell that I was upset but I wouldn't tell him why, so he just gave me a hug. It's amazing how a hug can make my heart beat so fast. God, love sucks._

He read the on, turning the page with shaking hands. The only words that were written on it were:

_Valkyrie Pleasant._

The same words followed on the next page. And the next. And the next.

_Valkyrie Pleasant. _ _Valkyrie Pleasant. Valkyrie Pleasant._

He heard Valkyrie stir in her sleep. He quickly put the diary back in its place and strode back to her side and sat on the bed beside her.

"Skulduggery?" She murmured.

He sat down on the bed beside her. "I'm here, Val."

"What time is it?"

"Late."

"Am I drunk?"

"Very."

She groaned and fluttered her eyes open. Her vision was blurry at first but after a few seconds she could see him clearly. She smiled. "Hello."

"Hello." He tilted his head – his way of smiling back.

"I think I'm sobering up."

"I highly doubt that."

"Yeah, me too." She slowly sat up and began to look a little embarrassed. "So what kinds of daft things have I been doing?"

"All sorts."

"Like..." She prompted.

"Er..." Skulduggery stuttered a little. "You danced."

"Oh dear."

"In a... special kind of way..."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"...with me..."

Valkyrie's face twisted in shock horror. "Oh no!" She wailed and flopped back down onto the bed, covering her face with a pillow.

"Now, now." Skulduggery tried to sooth her. "It wasn't _that_ bad."

"What exactly did I say?" Her voice was muffled by the pillow.

"Erm... You don't want to know..."

"What did I say, Skulduggery?"

"You want me to quote it exactly?"

"Yes please."

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir."

Valkyrie slowly removed the pillow from her face and sat up to look at him. "I asked you to..." She trailed off. "Oh God."

Before Skulduggery could pretend that he didn't care, Valkyrie was jumping up from the bed and running out of the room in embarrassment.

"Valkyrie?" Skulduggery called after her. He followed her out of the room and saw her run into the bathroom. He heard her bolt the door. "Valkyrie, are you okay?"

"What do you think?" She snapped from the other side.

"Val, we all embarrass ourselves sometimes. You were drunk, you still are, I understand."

"No you don't." It sounded suspiciously like she was crying.

"Of course I do!" He protested. "We all say ridiculous things while under the influence of alcohol. It's normal."

"That's not it." She said softly.

"Then what is it, Val?"

"I can't tell you.

"Why not?"

"I don't want you to get mad at me."

"I promise I won't get mad. Just open the door."

There were a few moments of silence before the door unbolted and opened. Skulduggery saw Valkyrie standing there with tear stained cheeks.

"I meant every word of it." She sobbed.

"I'm sorry?" He cocked his head.

"The dancing, the stuff I said – I meant it all."

He was taken aback a little bit. "Oh."

Her tears became uncontrollable. "And now you're mad at me for being so stupid, and now I've ruined things between us, and now everything is going to change, and-"

She was cut off when he put a finger to her lips. "You're babbling."

"I think it's a babble-worthy situation." She muttered.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because... because..."

"Yes?" He said gently, wiping her tears from her cheeks with soft brushing motions.

"Because I didn't want to tell you it this way."

"Tell me what, Valkyrie?"

"That I love you."

The silence that followed made several more cries rip from her chest.

He lifted her – even though she tried to wriggle free of his grip – and carried her back to her room. He laid her down on the bed and lay beside her.

"Do you hate me?" She asked, tearfully.

"Don't be silly."

"You should do. I'm an idiot."

"How could I ever possibly hate the one person in the world that I honestly, truly, deeply love?"

Her eyes widened in shock. "But... but... but."

"Enough babbling." He murmured and pulled her into a kiss. Her lips felt amazing against his teeth. Bizarre – yet amazing.

She pulled away stunned.

Skulduggery instantly felt like a moron. "Sorry." He faltered. "I thought that's what you wanted."

"It is." She whispered and pulled him back into the kiss. She whispered against his teeth. "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir, Detective?"

He laughed quietly. "As if you had to ask."

**I really do hope you liked this story :)**

**Still taking story suggestion ideas if any of you have any!**

**Thanks for the reviews my lovelys :)**

**xoxo**


	22. Valduggery: Wow

**This story was inspired by Sky Fireheart. Thank you very much and I hope you like it :)**

**This story is set in Gordon's mansion and Valkyrie is about 18 years old, making Fletcher about 20 - ish.**

**I hope you all like it 3  
**

Fletcher looked at Valkyrie and bit his lip. How was he going to do this gently? How could he possibly do this without hurting her? Would she ever forgive him? He sighed. _He_ wouldn't even forgive himself for doing this. Oh no, what if she cries? He'd never seen Val cry before. This was going to be _so_ difficult.

"Are you okay?" Valkyrie asked him with a smile.

He tried to return a smile but his lips quivered and it disappeared. "Sure, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

Fletcher's laugh was frantic yet slightly strained. "Oh, you read into things too much."

Valkyrie frowned at him and tilted her head to the side – a trait she seemed to have picked up from Skulduggery. "What's going on, Fletch?"

"Nothing." He replied quickly.

"You're lying." She said quietly. "Tell me what's wrong."

Fletcher sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger. "I've done something bad, Val."

She smiled tentatively. "Is it something worse than when you opened the portal to the faceless ones?"

He took his hands away from his face and looked at her. "It is to me." He said in a dead voice.

"Wow. It must be _really_ awful."

"It is."

"Well now I'm a little scared."

"Don't be. You should be angry with me. You should _hate_ me."

"I could never do that, Fletch. Whatever you've done, we can fix it. We always do."

"Not this time, Val. You won't forgive me."

He couldn't bear it any longer. She was being so understanding, with her soft tone, and big compassionate eyes. She was so naive. She wouldn't be understanding once he told her. She would rip him to shreds and he wouldn't teleport away. He would stand there and let her punch him, and kick him, and throw fireballs at him, and he would take it all, because that's what he deserved. That's what he deserved for cheating on her.

Valkyrie could feel herself becoming a little nervous. This felt familiar in a distant kind of way. Like, she hadn't experienced what was about to happen, but she knew how it would go. However she couldn't quite grasp what it was that he was about to tell her. It was irritating at the very least.

"Well let's see if I'll forgive you." She said suspiciously yet calmly. "Tell me what you did."

Fletcher took a deep breath. "Val, I... I..."

"Yes?" She prompted patiently.

"Valkyrie, I cheated."

Valkyrie's eyes widened as her mouth fell open into a large O shape. There was a pain in her chest that made her whimper slightly. It was a ripping, tearing sensation that tore through her making her entire body shake. It was like her heart was really breaking. Like it had shattered and all the sharp little shards has fallen into the pit of her stomach, tearing up her insides along the way. She felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes and without her permission a few of them escaped and rolled down her cheeks.

"I... I... you..." She tried to speak but she trailed off.

"Val, I'm so sorry." He looked at her tenderly. "I never meant to hurt you. I'm a jerk."

"Well you've got that right." She murmured, her tone ice cold.

"I'm not going to ask you to forgive me."

"Clever boy."

"And I'm not going to ask that we stay friends – I don't even deserve that."

"Well at least you still have one brain cell still fighting for its life."

"All I'm going to ask is that you don't take this out on yourself." He stepped closer to her. "I'll take all the blows you want to give."

Valkyrie was crying now. "I don't want to hit you, Fletcher. I still love you."

He sighed again. "I know you do. And I really wish you didn't."

"Me too."

"Because I don't deserve you."

"I agree."

Fletcher pulled the sleeve of his jumper over his hand and raised it to Valkyrie's face. He gently wiped her tears for her. There was a moment of silence.

"Who is she?" Valkyrie asked slowly.

"You don't need to know that, why upset yourself any more than nessisa-"

"Who is she?" Valkyrie snapped, her pain and sorrow quickly turning to bubbling rage.

Fletcher shoulders sagged. "You know her." He mumbled.

"Let's not turn this into a game shall we? Just tell me who she is." She growled through gritted teeth.

"China." He whispered.

"China?" She echoed. "China? CHINA?"

The sheer animalistic fury hit her, burrowing under her skin and entwining deep into her soul, making her seethe in a frenzy. She suddenly lunged at him, slamming a fist into his jaw. He rocked slightly but held his ground. He was waiting for anther punch... so she gave it to him. She punched him in the stomach and pounded her hands against his chest. She struck him as many times as she could before the flood of tears came.

Fletcher gently pushed her away from him. "I think I would be best if I left now."

She nodded, looking at the floor.

He continued. "Val, I'll always love you, you know that right? You're still the most amazing girl I know."

"Okay."

"And I know you'll find someone who will make you happy. And I know he will treat you properly and care for you."

An idea hit her. Slapped her in the face. Knocked her sideways a little. She was going to hurt him like he had hurt her. She was going to make him pay. She was going to lie.

"I already _have_ found someone else." She spoke softly but menacingly.

He looked at her and slowly shook his head. "You're lying. You're better than that – you wouldn't stoop so low."

"You obviously don't know me very well then, do you?"

"Who is it, then? The vampire? The zombie? The scarred tailor?"

Valkyrie kept his gaze while her mind thought frantically for a guy's name. At that moment Skulduggery Pleasant walked through the front door, putting his hat and scarf on the side. He nodded to the kids, and then made for the kitchen. However he didn't get far.

"It's Skulduggery." Valkyrie said quickly.

"What's me?" Skulduggery asked her.

Valkyrie hurried over and took Skulduggery's hand which both surprised and intrigued him.

She looked at him and forced a smile. "I was just telling Fletcher about us."

Skulduggery cocked his head to one side. "What about us?"

Valkyrie's laugh was tense and edgy. "About _us_, Skul. You see, _Fletcher _has just been telling me about how he's been cheating on me –"

Skulduggery threw Fletcher a furious glance and the blonde-haired-boy crumpled beneath it.

Valkyrie continued. "– so I've just told him about _us_."

Skulduggery was confused. He was livid with Fletcher, but mostly confused. "Us?"

Valkyrie was getting impatient. She squeezed his hand. "Skulduggery... Honey... we don't have to hide it anymore! We can tell Fletcher that were dating."

Skulduggery looked into her teary, pleading eyes and he suddenly understood. He didn't condone it and he _certainly_ didn't approve of it... but he understood. "Oh... right... good."

"So glad you think so."

Skulduggery slid a hand around her waist and pulled her close to his side. "Yes, Fletcher. Me and Valkyrie are in l...l...love..." Wow that was difficult to say.

Fletcher shook his head. "I don't believe it."

"Well you should." Skulduggery replied. "Because I love her." It was surprisingly easier to say that that time.

Fletcher looked over to Valkyrie. "And do _you_ love him?"

"I do." The words came alarmingly easily to her.

Fletcher shook his head _yet_ again. "Prove it."

"Prove it?" She echoed.

"You heard me. _Prove it!"_

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. She tiptoed up and softly kissed his cheekbone. Skulduggery went rigid at her touch for some reason unknown to him.

"There." She said.

"Well I could have done that." Fletcher huffed.

"Please don't." Skulduggery mumbled.

"That was nothing." Fletcher frowned. "Kiss him properly."

"Properly?" She arched an eyebrow at him.

"Right on the lips... er... teeth."

Skulduggery laughed nervously. "We don't need to prove our love to anyone, right sweetheart?"

Valkyrie was ignoring Skulduggery. "Fine!" She snapped at Fletcher. "You want to see a real kiss?"

Before anyone could respond, Valkyrie was grabbing onto Skulduggery's jacket and pulling him towards her. She pressed her lips hard against his teeth with determination. Skulduggery was momentarily stunned, but after a few seconds one of his hands found the small of her back and the other was cradling her face. Valkyrie's arms had found their way around his neck. She was kissing him softer now, more tenderly. She found herself less tense and she willingly melted into his frame, not totally sure why at the same time.

They heard a soft popping sound, and from the corner of his eye socket, Skulduggery saw that Fletcher had teleported away. He tapped Valkyrie's arm.

"Val?" He murmured, though it was difficult with her lips in the way.

She couldn't hear him. She was a million miles away. She kept her lips clamped tight against where his lips _should_ be.

"Val? He tried again. "Fletcher is gone now... we can stop pretending.

She finally heard his words and quickly pulled away from him. Her hands lingered on his chest for a bit before she let them drop. His hands followed her example and fell from her waist.

"Oh... right." She said quietly. "Thanks for going along with that, Skul."

"No problem."

"That sure was a convincing kiss."

"It sure was..."

There were a few agonising moments of awkward silence.

"So..." Valkyrie said uncomfortably.

"So..." Skulduggery repeated.

More silence.

"Erm, I'm going to make a cup of tea. If you want to go sit down, I'll come and find you in a minute."

"Sounds good." Skulduggery nodded. He slowly went and sat down on the sofa, and picked up one of Valkyrie's magazines that was lying on the cushion beside him.

She watched him for a few seconds before scurrying off to the kitchen. She slumped against the wall in a daze. She remembered their kiss. "Wow." She mumbled.

Skulduggery put down the magazine and leaned back in the chair remembering how it had felt to kiss Valkyrie. "Wow." He breathed.

**Please let me know what you think. Your reviews mean the world to me. I'm still taking ideas if any of you have any.**

**Thanks :)**

**xoxo**


	23. Valduggery: Skuldugery Cries: Part 1

**This is part one of the story. There will be a part two up soon. Sorry about the deleting and re-uploading of this chapter, but I put it up on here before spell checking it. So sorry!**

**xoxo  
**

Valkyrie fought against the chains that were keeping her pinned to the walls by her wrists and ankles. She tried to feel the air against her palm but she was bound. She looked around at her surroundings, her eyes straining in the dark. She was clearly in some sort of a dungeon. It had cold, dank, stone walls with a floor and ceiling to match. The room was a cylinder shape with a diameter of about two meters, with just the one door opposite her. The air was musty and stale, making her gag.

The door opened and a shady silhouette came through the door.

"Who's there?" She croaked, her voice weak from the screaming, earlier on today when she was captured.

The figure walked towards her, the sole of his shoes making a clacking sound against the stones. She knew that sound from somewhere. She tried to remember but every time she got close, her memory clouded.

"I said, who's there?" She tried again.

"Don't panic." Said a smug Texan drawl. "It's only me, lil' darlin'."

"Sanguine?" Her voice was barely a whisper. "What do you want? What's going on?"

"Haven't you ever heard of: Hello, Billy-Ray, how ya doin'?"

Valkyrie growled. "Hello, Billy-Ray, how are you doing?"

"I'm fairly pleasant, thanks for asking."

"Wonderful. Now why are you keeping me locked up here? Who are you working for?"

"I aint workin' for no one, lil missy. This is purely for my own satisfaction. Just a lil somthin' for number one. I guess you could call it... _me_ time."

Valkyrie refused to give into the fear that was slowly working through her body from the feet up. Where the hell was Skulduggery? He _always_ shows up in the nick of time. He was definitely slacking.

"So what are you going to do to me? Torture me? Make me scream, and beg, and cry?"

Sanguine rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmm, torture. Now that _is_ food for thought."

"How noble of you, to take on a teenage girl who is shackled to the wall. How very brave and not cowardly of you at all, Sanguine."

He continued like he hadn't even heard her. "However, I've never been one for torture – I'm just too impatient, ya know? I like getting right to the killin'!"

"You talk too much."

"Can you think of a better idea for my lips, then?" He asked with a grin.

"I don't think I like where this is going." She grumbled.

Billy-Ray walked nearer to her until her was uncomfortable close. "Hello, lil darlin'."

"Er... hi... I could have sworn we've already done this part."

"I can think of something we haven't done before." He said menacingly quiet. His face was so close to hers she could feel his warm, sticky breath on her face.

"This is getting _really_ rather uncomfortable now." She said in a strained voice. Suddenly torture didn't seem so bad anymore.

Sanguine leaned in. Valkyrie anticipated what he was going to and turned her face away from him.

"Try that again," She snapped. "And I'll rip your lips off. I don't know how I'll do it – being shackled to the wall and all – but trust me, I _will_ find a way."

He laughed. "Big talk coming from the captive." He swiftly kissed her check before stepping back from her.

"Oh please, just kill me now." She muttered.

"You're just so eager to die today! It takes the fun outta having you as my prisoner."

"I don't care what you do anymore!" Rage propelling her. "Because, whatever you do – Skulduggery will come after you, and he _will_ kill you."

"Ah but he aint here right now is he, Miss Cain? Why do you think that is? He's bored perhaps? Tired of running after you every time you get yourself into these... predicaments."

"You followed me home one day, then threw a bag over my head, punched me senseless until I blacked out, and _then_ you dragged me back here. I in no way got myself into this _predicament_."

"You make a valid point." He went silent, going thoughtful again. "However, I will be killing you now, and it will soon be all over."

"Oh joy."

"You have the option of either being shot, stabbed, or brutally beaten to death. Ladies choice."

"Surprise me."

"Okay." Sanguine pulled out a gun from his jacket inner pocket and aimed it at her."

Valkyrie looked at the gleaming gun. She wasn't going to scream or cry or beg like he wanted. She wasn't going to waste her last words pleading with him. She swallowed her fear and pride, standing up as straight as she could despite how much her bones were aching. There was nothing to protect her as she hadn't been wearing her protective clothing. This was the end. Better go out with a joke.

"Ah." She nodded. "The gun – a classic."

"Thought you'd like it."

"I can hardly stand the excitement."

Billy-Ray raised the gun to her. "It's been a pleasure sparring with you. Any last requests?"

She thought about this. "Promise me you'll get out more. You _really_ need a girlfriend, mate."

He laughed and then pulled the trigger.

**DON'T WORRY! There will be a part two! Please dont bite your fingernails off while you wait.**

**xoxo**


	24. Valduggery: Skuldugery Cries: Part 2

**This is part 2 (the last part) of Valduggery: Skuldugery Cries.**

**Its actually quite tear-full - or at least I thought so - so tissues at the ready ...then again, I might just be a wimp :P**

**I hope you enjoy it :)**

The gunshot sounded and no matter how hard she tried not to scream, she couldn't help it, she cried out in terror. She shrieked again when the bullet made contact with her stomach as it tore though her gut. Agonising pain shot through her entire body burning with more intensity with each passing second. She instinctively went to put her hands to her wound but remembered her hands were shackled to the wall. She was aware she was crying. She tried blinking away the tears but to no avail.

Billy ray grinned in a wicked kind of way. "You'll be wantin' your privacy. I'll leave you now." He blew her a kiss before sinking into the ground.

Valkyrie tried to call out for help, but each breath brought a new wave of pain. She was dying. She could feel it. She remembered back to a few years ago when her reflection got shot. She had absorbed the reflections memories, including the one of being shot. However being shot for real was MUCH worse. Being shot for real was more than she could bear. Her life was draining away from her, and she was only sixteen. She wondered how many minutes she had left.

And that's when Skulduggery Pleasant burst through the door, accompanied by Tanith, Ghastly and Fletcher.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery yelled and ran to her. He looked at her white t-shirt that was collecting blood in the centre. She'd been shot. He quickly found anger and worry battling each other for the top spot in his mind. Worry won.

"Val!" Fletcher cried, running to her side and cradled her face. "What have they done to you?"

Valkyrie's eyes flickered slowly over to Fletcher's face. She tried to speak but her tongue felt just so heavy. She could feel herself slipping away.

Ghastly and Tanith strode over to them and got to work on unbinding the shackles. Fletcher started to break down. The first tear came, and then several more followed. No matter how much he wanted to be strong for her, he couldn't. However, he never let go of her hand – even though it was shackled.

Skulduggery looked at her and he felt dread build up inside of him. She was dying – anyone could see it. Then why was he denying it? Denying the fact she was slipping away from him? He could _not_ lose her. Not Valkyrie. He wanted to say something comforting to her. Say anything to her. He had so much to tell her. So much she should know. He just couldn't find the words.

The pain was becoming insufferable. Valkyrie didn't care that she was dying anymore. She just wanted the pain to end, and the peace to come and take her away. She looked at Fletcher.

"Fletch..." She murmured.

"Yes?" His voice cracked.

"I have something to tell you."

"I'm all ears."

"Your hair is really messy today."

He laughed weakly. "Yeah, I know."

She looked over to Skulduggery. "Skul..."

"I'm right here, Valkyrie."

"You're late." She spoke softly. "You're supposed to get here before I got shot."

"I know. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. You can't be good at everything."

Valkyrie felt her arms drop as the shackles released her. Her ankles were free now too. She found herself collapsing immediately. Skulduggery caught her and scooped her up into his arms.

"Fletcher!" Skulduggery barked. "China's library – now! If anyone can repair a bullet wound, it's her."

Fletcher obliged and grabbed Skulduggery's arm. Tanith and Ghastly put a hand onto his shoulders, and in the blink of an eye they were standing in the middle of China's library.

China turned to look at them and her eyes nearly widened in surprise. She also noticed that Valkyrie was dripping blood all over her pristine white carpet.

"China, we need you to heal Valkyrie right this minute." Skulduggery marched past her and towards her apartment.

She nodded. He was clearly in no mood for small talk. The others started to follow but she turned to them and raised her hand, like she was commanding a dog to halt. "You can't all come. I will need room for this."

Fletcher looked like he was about to protest but he dropped it.

Skulduggery laid Valkyrie on China's living room floor and kneeled beside her. He cradled her face in one hand and stroked her hair with the other one. "Valkyrie can you hear me? Please listen to me, Val. You just need to hold on for a little bit longer. Will you do that for me?"

She nodded lazily. China came and kneeled beside her. "I can fix this but it won't be easy."

"I don't care." Skulduggery didn't take his eyes off the dying girl. "Just fix her."

Valkyrie felt a jolt of agony slash through her and she cried out, tears falling again.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery panicked. He looked at China. "Hurry!"

China nodded. She began her work, rolling up Valkyrie's t-shirt and drawing symbols in red ink onto her stomach. She started to tap them in a specific order, making them glow.

Valkyrie could feel a new kind of pain now as the symbols glowed. It was like burning, horrible burning that was scorching her skin and cutting deep into her. She could feel the bullet in her gut shifting slightly. She screamed in anguish.

Skulduggery gripped onto her hand tight and tried to sooth her. "It's okay, it's okay. I know it hurts, it will be over soon."

Valkyrie didn't want to endure this any longer, and she started to give up the fight. Her eyelids fluttered as she allowed the black to cloud her vision.

Skulduggery realised what was happening. "No..." He said horror. "No! NO! Valkyrie Cain, you are NOT to leave me! Do you understand me? Valkyrie? VALKYRIE!"

China continued her work, chanting a spell in another language unknown to most, in hope to get the bullet out faster. She knew that by now the bullet would be slowly wriggling its way back to the surface, the muscle and organs gradually repairing themselves and the bacteria being burnt away. However, it would only work if Valkyrie had the will to continue, and by the looks of it... she didn't.

Skulduggery's tone was becoming desperate now. "Please, Valkyrie! Just hold on a little longer – PLEASE! I can't go back to life without you! I just can't! I need you!" His voice cracked, and China looked up at him in surprise, before quickly getting back to her work.

Good God. Skulduggery was going to cry. He could feel it, the build up of irrational emotions within him. Worry, despair, hopelessness, longing, each one tripping over themselves to be the first tear to fall. He didn't even know if her still _could _cry. The last time he cried was over 400 years ago when he saw his wife and child murdered, right in front of him. He certainly _sounded_ like he was crying, the short, rhythmic gasps ripping from his chest with an alarmingly regular pattern.

Valkyrie was just about to let go until she heard the quiet sobs. Who was crying? China? Never. That only left Skulduggery. Skulduggery was crying? Really? She opened her eyes a fraction to look at him. Her vision was blurry from the crippling agony she was in, but she could make him out. She saw how his shoulders were shaking slightly.

When she spoke it was with a great deal of effort. "Don't cry." She croaked. "I'm not dead yet."

Skulduggery almost laughed despite himself. However he only felt even more saddened by the way she was looking at him, and was suddenly aware of a huge tear rolling out from his eye socket and down his cheekbone. He had no idea where it had come from. Had it simply materialised from nothing? It was clearly the workings of magic.

The tear drop fell from his cheekbone and dropped, splashing against Valkyrie's cheek.

She frowned ever-so-slightly. "You're getting me wet."

"Sorry." He almost laughed again.

She tried to smile but every inch of her body ached so much she couldn't manage it. However she kept on fighting. She fought against the pain and terror and despair she was feeling and kept her gaze locked on the skeleton detective. Suddenly a wave of agony ripped through her and she screamed so loudly it hurt her own ears. Her entire body convulsed as her breathing accelerated.

"Is she supposed to be in this much pain?" Skulduggery asked China anxiously.

"Yes. She's coping well under the circumstances."

"Coping well? She's having a fit!"

"As she is expected to. I told you that this would not be easy."

"You weren't kidding."

Valkyrie shrieked again as the bullet shot out of her body. It hung in the air for a few moments before imploding in on itself. The wound in Valkyrie's gut was slowly healing all the way back to surface. The pain was gradually lessening, bit by bit. Her breathing slowed and she found her vision clearing.

"I'll leave you two alone." China stood up.

"Don't let anyone in just yet." Skulduggery instructed.

China nodded and left the room.

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie compassionately, even though without a face, you'd never be able to tell. "Can you hear me?" He asked softly.

She nodded. "Loud and clear."

"Oh good." He sighed with relief. "That's very good to hear."

"Can you help me sit up, please?"

"Do you think you're strong enough?"

"Let's find out."

He gently helped her up into a sitting position. She looked down at her white shirt that was covered in blood and bit her lip.

"What's wrong?" He asked her.

"My mum is going to kill me when she sees this."

He laughed. "I love how you think that your shirt is the key issue here."

Valkyrie looked at China's white carpet that was stained with her blood. "I've ruined the carpet." She noted. "China is going to be so mad at me."

Skulduggery sighed and cradled her face in his hands. "Will you please stop worrying about everyone else? You almost died. I almost lost you today."

She tilted her head to one side as she noticed how his cheekbone was glistening in the light. She reached up and touched it. It was wet. So he _had_ been crying. She wasn't imagining it. Skulduggery closed his hand around hers and kissed her fingertips with his teeth.

"You've been crying." She whispered.

"So it would seem."

"You cried over me?"

"I did."

"I didn't know that I meant that much to you."

He titled his head to one side. "Don't be absurd. You are the world to me."

"Really?" She smiled.

"Really." He pulled her into a hug, being gentle with her, but relishing at the idea of her being in his arms. "Don't ever scare me like that ever again, Val, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise me?"

"I promise."

"Good." He held her a little tighter.

There were a few seconds of silence while they embraced.

"One other thing." He murmured into her hair.

"Yes, Skulduggery?"

"Never tell anyone that I cried. I don't want them to think I'm going soft."

She laughed. "Deal."

**See? Its a happy ending! I would never ever let Val die for real :) we all love her too much!**

**Sorry about the huge-ness of this chapter! It was massive!**

**I hope you liked it, please let me know :)**

**xoxo  
**


	25. Valduggery: The Nightmare

**I feel like I should warn you, this chapter involves torture. Its not for the faint hearted. However, I shall give you one spoiler and it ends happily - keep that in mind while you're reading :)**

**This idea was inspired by Shimmertail :) I appreciate it muchly.**

**Enjoy xoxo  
**

Valkyrie was dreaming. She always knew when she was dreaming, because that's when the real fear came. She was scared of the secrets that she would discover that her subconscious had been purposely hiding from her. She was terrified of all the dark thoughts that leaked into her dreams turning them into nightmares. You can never run from a nightmare, never escape. They follow you and devour you with their disturbing images and dark spindly tendrils that pin you down. _That_ was why she was scared.

She was standing in a stone hallway that seemed to go on forever. Stone on the walls and ceiling – everywhere. She looked beside her to see a dead end. She only had one way to go, and that was into the dark abyss at the end of the dank hall. She figured she should start walking. The sooner she got this over and done with, the sooner she would wake up. Her skin crawled at the thought of what dark secrets Darquesse had in store for her tonight.

Her boot soles slapped against the wet stone floor. Valkyrie struggled to keep her balance on the slippery floor. She could fall over any second –

She fell over.

She fell forward and hit the hard floor with horribly ferocity and howled in pain as her chin collided with the ground. Stupid dream. She always ended up embarrassing herself in her dreams. She got up and speedily walked on, not caring if she fell again.

Valkyrie wasn't sure how long she'd been walking until she reached the end of the hallway. Rage bubbled up inside her when she found herself at another dead end. She was about to yell every curse word she knew, until she became aware that something was wrong. What was it? Why did she feel so weird? So... weightless? Slowly she looked down at her feet and realised what was so out of the ordinary. There was no ground beneath her feet.

"Bugger." She grumbled.

Suddenly she dropped and she was falling. She screamed, the sound of her shriek mixing with the noise of rushing air in her ears. She tumbled and hurtled through the darkness for minutes before she hit the ground.

The ground was hard – like more stone. She was getting fed up of stone. They were a lot unlike feathers. She hoped that the fall was enough to kill her, but she should have known better. Her dreams never killed her off to end her misery, they let her suffer instead. Stupid, _stupid_ dreams.

Slowly she rose from the ground, wincing as her bruised and battered body unwillingly moved.

"Hello?" She called out, her voice still surprisingly strong. "Is anyone there? If you're going to torture me, can we do it sooner rather than later please? I really would like to wake up ASAP."

Silence greeted her.

"Hello?" She tried again. "I really don't have time for this. Please just attack me or something so that I can go home.

There was more silence, but the lights flickered on. Oh what a surprise. She was in a room with walls of stone. She had no idea where the light came from, however. There were no light bulbs or torches. She noticed a door opposite her. She had two options: go through it, or wait for someone to come through. She decided to go through it.

However, the moment she stepped forward the door handle turned and the door slowly opened. Valkyrie held her breath, waiting to face whoever was coming through that door. She was welcomed by herself walking into the room. It was her – Darquesse.

_No!_ Valkyrie thought, angrily. _She is NOT you. She is Darquesse. You are not Darquesse, you are Valkyrie Cain. You are two separate people._

"Hello." Darquesse smiled.

Valkyrie didn't say anything.

Darquesse's smile turned into a huge grin. She was enjoying this. "You are scared."

"Very good deduction, Sherlock." Valkyrie muttered.

"You have a sense of humour. That's a trait we share."

"I don't share any traits with you."

"We are the same person."

"I am nothing like you. I may look like you, but I am in no way similar to you. You are evil and cold hearted and you only live to serve yourself. I'm not like that. I have the capacity to love others."

"The capacity to love others?" Darquesse spoke like the idea was new to her.

"Yes."

"But you don't do you? Not truly. You love one person and one person alone."

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Who do you love most in the world?" Darquesse challenged. "Apart from your parents."

"What has this got to do with anything? Why can't we just skip the mind games for once and get right down to the torture?"

"This _is_ your torture." Darquesse looked irritated. "Now be a good girl and don't interrupt me again."

Valkyrie was about to respond with a snarky comment, but soon saw there was no point. The dream always won no matter what she did. She just nodded in defeat.

"Answer me!" Darquesse barked, striding towards her. "Who do you love most, aside from your parents?"

"I don't know." Valkyrie mumbled.

"Tell me!"

"I don't know!"

"TELL ME!" Darquesse shrieked at her.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Valkyrie screamed back. "GOD, I DON'T KNOW! PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Darquesse instantly calmed and nodded her head. "Well I know."

"How can you possibly know when I don't?"

"Because I am your subconscious, my dear Valkyrie, and I like to keep things from you."

"Okay then, so who do I love most?"

Darquesse sneered at her. "Skulduggery."

Valkyrie nearly laughed. "Do be serious."

"You don't believe me?"

"Skulduggery is a good friend sure, but I don't love him. Well not like _that_ anyway. I love him like a friend."

"Wanna bet?"

"Not really."

"Tough."

Darquesse snapped her fingers and their surroundings changed. They were in a bigger room this time, however Valkyrie couldn't notice any of the specifics, as her attention was drawn to the skeleton detective shackled to a chair, about five meters away from her. He was drooping, like he was weak and injured.

When Valkyrie spoke it was barely a whisper. "What have you done to him?"

Darquesse ignored her. Instead she marched over to skulduggery. "Oit! Skeleton! Look alive, we have company." When Skulduggery didn't respond Darquesse growled with impatience and shot a side-kick into his skull.

Skulduggery groaned painfully.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Valkyrie screamed. "I'M THE ONE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HURTING, NOT HIM!"

"But dear," Darquesse turned to her. "By hurting him, I _am_ hurting you. That irrational tug of pain you feel in your heart when I inflict agony upon him? _That_ is your torture."

"What's this got to do with proving that I love him the most?"

"You'll see. Will the first captive come in please?"

Valkyrie saw a door on the far was open and China Sorrows came stumbling in.

"China?" She whispered.

Darquesse looked at Valkyrie. She pulled a gun from her pocket and tossed it at her. Valkyrie caught it.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Shoot China." Darquesse smiled.

"I'm sorry?"

"Shoot Miss Sorrows, here... please."

"What? No."

"Do it."

"No."

"DO IT!"

"NO!"

Darquesse shrugged. "Fine. Have it your way." She placed a hand on Skulduggery's skull. She sent waves of darkness ripping though his skeletal frame. Skulduggery screamed and writhed in pain.

"STOP! STOP IT!" Valkyrie screamed.

"Shoot China!" Darquesse snapped.

"No!"

"DO IT!"

"FINE!"

Valkyrie aimed the gun at China sorrows and pulled the trigger. The bullet hit her in the stomach and she collapsed. Valkyrie gasped and dropped the gun. Darquesse stopped hurting Skulduggery instantly.

"Good girl." Darquesse said but didn't take her hand away from Skulduggery's skull. "Bring in the next captive."

Valkyrie shook her head. "Not another. I can't kill another."

At that moment Ghastly and Tanith entered holding hands.

Valkyrie started to cry. "No." She sobbed. "No I can't."

"Do it or Skulduggery dies."

"No!"

Darquesse sighed. She started to agonise Skulduggery again. Valkyrie couldn't bear to hear him cry out like that, so she dropped to the floor and crawled over to the gun. She picked it up with shaking hands. She pointed the gun at her friends.

"Forgive me." She whispered before taking two more shots.

Ghastly and Tanith fell, lifeless and Valkyrie copied. Falling to the ground, anguished. She couldn't take this nightmare anymore. She wanted to wake up. She wanted to wake up to Skulduggery who she knew would be watching over her like he always did since she'd been having nightmares.

Darquesse roared with laughter and let the game continue. She forced Valkyrie to kill Fletcher and Caelan in turn, using the same blackmail: Do it or Skulduggery dies.

Darquesse smirked at the crying, snivelling, quivering girl, shaking on the floor, gripping the gun.

"Just one more person." She said in a dead tone. "And then I will let you wake up."

"Who?" Valkyrie croaked.

Darquesse giggled with wicked delight. "You!"

"What?"

"You heard me. Shoot yourself."

"But... but..."

"But what? Shoot yourself or I kill the skeleton."

"I just want to wake up." She cried. "I want to wake up and see all my friends. I want to know that they are okay."

"And you can do, once you shoot yourself. Do it now before I get angry."

Valkyrie pulled together all her strength and lifted the gun to her stomach. She looked over at Skulduggery. "I love you." She whispered. "I'm just sorry I didn't realise it until now."

Valkyrie pulled the trigger and screamed at the pain. Everything faded to black, then white light suddenly exploded into her vision. She opened her eyes, startled. She looked up and saw Skulduggery Pleasant. He was safe and, unharmed and... perfect. Just so perfect.

"Skulduggery!" She yelled, chocked by her tears.

Skulduggery took her into his arms and held her tight. "It's okay, Val, I'm here."

"Skulduggery, I just had the worst nightmare!"

"It's all over now. You're safe now."

"Are the others safe? Tanith and Ghastly and everyone else? Are they safe? Alive?"

"Yes, of course they are. Why wouldn't they be?"

Valkyrie cried into his chest even louder. "Because Darquesse made me kill them."

Skulduggery felt true sympathy for her. He buried his face into her soft, sweet-smelling hair. "It was only a nightmare. It's over now."

"Until I go back to sleep and it all starts again."

Skulduggery cradled her with one arm, and pulled the bed covers over them both with his free hand. "Well in that case I'm staying right here, all night long."

"Really? You're going to keep me safe?"

"Don't I always?"

"Yes, I suppose you do."

"Right then, get some well deserved sleep. I'll keep the nightmares away. I promise."

Valkyrie relaxed into the bed, aware of the fact he was still cuddling her. She was just dropping off when she murmured something to Skulduggery.

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"I really do love you."

"I know. Now go to sleep."

"Okay." She said happily and drifted off.

She slept peacefully for the rest of the night, with only the occasional Skeleton Detective popping into her thoughts every so often, making her smile in her sleep.

**So what do you think? I really hoped you liked it :)**

**Thanks again to Shimmertail :)**

**More soon to come :D**

**xoxo  
**


	26. Valduggery: The Beach trip, part 1

**This story is entitled Valduggery: The Beach trip, part 1. Obviously thins means there will be many more parts! :) Im not quite sure how many, be we will all soon find out!**

**I wanted to write a story that was really romantic and sweet, so I spent ages trying to think of a romantic situation to put them in. I considered locking them in a broom closet but decided against that when i realised that a mop and various cleaning products didn't just have the _romantic vibe_ i was looking for. I also thought of ridiculous things like being set up on a blind date - and many other silly things.**

**And then I came across _this_ idea. What could be more romantic than a holiday for two in France, in a villa, on a beach? Now There isn't much romantic happening in this first part as it is just setting up the story. But believe me when I say, there is a lot of romance on the way... along with many other things...**

**I've said too much. Enjoy :)**

Valkyrie looked around her bedroom in Gordon's mansion. It looked like she had everything she needed for her holiday with Skulduggery. They were going to catch a ferry to Calais, France, and then drive down to La Rochelle, where they would spend a week by the sea side. It was a long journey and it usually took two days to get there, but it was always worth it. It had become a sort of... tradition, over the last few years. Now that she was nineteen, her parents were okay with her going away on holiday with friends – or at least her mum was. Her dad however wasn't quite so enthralled on the idea. However, reflecting upon it, her mum was under the impression that she was going away with a group of girls – not her skeleton best friend. She figured that if her mother knew about _that, _she wouldn't be quite so lenient.

Just as she was putting her bag over her shoulder and slipping her converse shoes on she heard a wolf whistle from outside, just underneath her bedroom window. She walked over and looked out of the open glass pane to see Skulduggery Pleasant standing, resting against the bonnet of his Bentley. He looked up at her and titled his head to the side in an, _I'm smiling right now_ kind of way.

"Cheeky sod." She mumbled. She noticed how gloriously sunny it was outside. It was typical! The week she was finally getting away from haggard, it was going to be fair weather! "I'll be down in a second!" She called to him.

"Take your time." He called up. Today he was wearing a dark blue pin-stripe suit, with a dark blue hat to match, pulled low over his eye sockets.

Valkyrie ran downstairs with her bag and into the living room. Tanith and Ghastly were sitting on her sofa watching TV. Since Ghastly had retrieved Tanith for the remnants grip with the power from a necromancer, a sensitive and some very scary looking people, the two of them had been inseparable. They had agreed to look after the place while she was gone.

"I'm going now, guys."

Tanith craned her neck round to look at her. "Okay Val, I hope you guys have a good time."

"I _bet_ they'll have a good time." Ghastly mumbled with a snigger.

Tanith punched him in the arm. "Shut up!"

"Yeah, listen to your girlfriend." Valkyrie grinned at him. "I'll be back in about a week, so keep the place tidy and water my plants."

Tanith frowned. "You don't have any plants."

Valkyrie looked at the room around her, seeing a surprising lack of foliage. "Oh... you're right. I don't. Well feel free to buy me some and then look after them."

"Right." She nodded.

Valkyrie walked over to the door and grabbed her suitcase. "See you when I get back!"

"Bye!" Tanith and Ghastly called in unison.

Valkyrie grinned at them before opening the door and stepping outside. The sun hit her face and made her smile. She was glad she had decided to wear her denim shorts and light blue, strapless top. Her long, dark hair was tied up in a pony tail and she had a pair of sunglasses perched on top of her head. She was dressed unusually summery. However, she had been looking forward to this holiday for months.

Skulduggery took her bags for her and loaded them into the boot. "You look nice." He noted.

"Thanks, I know. Are we ready to go?"

"More than ready."

"Then why are we standing here looking gorgeous? Let's get to France!"

Skulduggery laughed. Her excitement amused him. They got into the car and looked at her. She really did look lovely. Then again – she _always _looked lovely. However, today she looked different. She was wearing bright colours and clothes that could actually be considered girly. He noticed her sunglasses as he started down the road.

"Those are _my_ sunglasses."

"They are." She nodded.

"Why do _you _have them?"

"You gave them to me, remember?"

"No, not really."

"Oh... well, their mine now anyway."

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Oh... okay."

They drove down to Dublin Port, where they docked the ferry. They drove off the huge boat at Calais and began the long journey down the south of the country to La Rochelle. Valkyrie laid the seat back and slept when the sun started to go down. Skulduggery watched her as she slept, even though he was supposed to be keeping an eye on the road. She breathed in rhythmic motions, her face the perfect picture of serenity. He didn't know why he found her quite so captivating. Maybe because she was human and he was not. Maybe because she was beautiful and he was a skeleton. Maybe because he had seen her grow up and change, becoming more breath-taking with everyday.

Valkyrie smiled in her sleep. "Skulduggery." She murmured.

Skulduggery suppressed his laugh, feeling awfully smug at the fact that she was dreaming about him. If he could dream, he knew there was no doubt he would dream about her. She was all he ever thought about lately, and he didn't know why. He reached out a hand and gently brushed a strand of hair off her face. For as long as he'd known her, she'd _always_ had that strand of hair falling down over her eyes.

She murmured again. "Skulduggery."

Skulduggery had to bite his knuckles so that he wouldn't laugh. She was so amusing to him. She was a _lot_ of things to him. She was his entire world now.

...

Valkyrie started to stir when she could feel the sun on her face. Her eyes fluttered and she slowly opened them.

"Hello, sleepy-head." Skulduggery glanced at her.

"Hello." She smiled up at him. "How long have I been asleep?"

"All night, all morning, and a large percent of the afternoon."

"Really?" She sat her chair up, frowning.

"Really." He nodded. "It's three in the afternoon."

"Wow."

"Wow indeed."

"So were almost here then?"

"No." He said.

"Oh." She was a little disheartened.

"We _are_ here." Skulduggery slowed the car to a stop and looked at her.

"Really?" She grinned. "We're at the villa?"

"Look for yourself."

Valkyrie looked out of the window and saw that he was right. They were in the driveway about ten yards away from the doorstep of the villa. She squealed with excitement and bounded out of the car, feeling delighted at the heat of the outside. Skulduggery got out of the car and opened the boot. He pulled out two suitcases, one his own – one hers. He followed her as she bounced all the way to the villa.

They got inside and took their bags up to their separate rooms. They had agreed to meet back downstairs, ready to go down to the beach, in ten minutes. Valkyrie ran to her room and opened her suitcase. She fished out her black bikini and quickly got changed, the thought of the sun and sea pushing her faster. She slapped on some sun cream, grabbed a beach towel and let her hair down, so that it was swinging over her shoulders. She ran back downstairs to where skulduggery was waiting.

He turned and looked at her, his jaw dropping open. Firstly, she was in a bikini – and he was feeling both nervous and awkward, as he found it hard to keep his gaze on her face. Secondly he felt like such a prat, and this was for two reasons. Reason one: for being so awed at her in a bikini, and reason two: for not realising how much she had grown up over the past seven years. She was beautiful, and mature, and ever so alluring. He realised his jaw was still hanging open and he quickly shut it.

"Are we ready to go?" She asked with a smile.

"Indeed." He nodded, focusing on her face. Nothing else. Just her face.

She frowned at him. "Wait... you're going to the beach in a suit?"

"Yes. What's wrong with my suit?"

"Nothing, it's grand. It's just... well..."

"Yes?"

"It's not very suitable is it? For the beach, I mean."

"I am a skeleton, Valkyrie. If I went out there in a pair of shorts – I think a few heads may turn."

"Use your façade."

"That only covers my face."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Yes, but that's not strictly true now is it?"

He tried not to panic. "I don't know what you mean."

"You do."

"I don't"

"I know the secret, Skulduggery."

"What secret? There is no secret."

"China told me about it."

"Damn." He muttered.

"Why didn't you tell me she'd improved your façade? I can't believe she's figured out a way to give you an all over one."

"The woman is a genius." He shrugged.

"So since you've got arms and legs – and the whole shebang – why don't you put it to good use?"

He clenched his fists uneasily. "W... what do you mean by... er... that?"

She looked at him curiously. He was acting weird. "I mean, go put on your full façade, get a pair of shorts on and let's go to the beach."

"Oh right." He nodded and quickly marched past her.

He came back five minutes later. Valkyrie looked at him and her eyes widened. He was human – or at least he looked it! Skin covering everything, muscular arms and legs, an impressively toned torso. He was wearing black shorts that came down to just above his knees. Today he had brown shaggy hair and piercing blue eyes.

"How do I look?" He asked her with a smile.

"Gorgeous..." She mumbled.

"Sorry?"

"Er... nothing. Let's go to the beach."

He nodded. "Let's."

Valkyrie glanced at him out of the corner of her eye as they walked. _Well,_ she thought. _This is going to be interesting..._

**I hope you ****liked it! Hands up if you want some romantic happenings to come. Well they are, very soon and in large quantities :)**

**Part two will be with us soon :)  
**

**xoxo  
**


	27. Valduggery: The Beach trip, part 2

**Wow! Big news! Derek Landy said on his blog that he will read ten fanfics this year over Christmas! OMG! I very, VERY reluctantly posted my name on a comment. I don't know where Derek stands on the whole Valduggery thing so I suggested to him some of the not so gooey mushy chapters. What do you guys think? Have I made a mistake? Reassurance would be wonderful ;) haha.**

**Anyway, back to the story! This is Valduggery: The Beach trip, part 2. I got some ideas for what the two of them could spend their time doing on the beach from Skulduggery Cain. Thank you very much! :)**

**I hope you like it :)**

Skulduggery watched Valkyrie as she stood on the end of the pier. A perfect specimen of the human race, if there ever was one. She raised her arms over her head and bent her knees. She dived off the pier and plunged deep into the water, the dark waves enveloping her immediately. A few seconds later her head broke above the surface and she was laughing with delight. She swam towards the shore until she could stand and walked the rest of the way out. She ran up to him, soaking wet, skin glistening in the sunlight.

"Hey." She smiled down at him.

"Hello. You look like you were having fun."

"I was." She agreed. "You should try."

"Me? No,no,no. I'm fine watching."

"Don't be boring." She frowned.

"I'm not being boring." He said defensively. "I just don't feel like it."

Valkyrie sighed. She leaned down towards him, and made her eyes as wide and pleading as humanly possible. "Please, Skulduggery?"

_Keep your eyes on her face, Skulduggery._ He thought to himself. Her hair was dripping and a drop splashed onto his cheek.

"Opps, sorry." She said, wiping it away. "So will you come and dive with me please?"

He sighed. "If I must."

She beamed at him and pulled him to his feet. She led him down to the edge of the pier. They dived for around half an hour, or so. Skulduggery was brilliant at it – like she had suspected – and she paled in comparison next to him. She got annoyed at him and pushed his head under the water. He grabbed onto her waist and pulled her down with him. They both stayed under the water for a bit, playfully tackling each other.

Skulduggery caught one of her hands and held it, lacing his fingers between hers. She smiled at him and he beamed back. She had to break the moment when she began to need oxygen again. She shot upwards her head crashing up into the open air, Skulduggery following, his matted hair stuck to his forehead.

"Can we go sit down?" She asked him. "I need to put on some more sun cream, I think I'm burning."

"We can't have that can we?"

"Of course not. Race you to the shore."

She swam as fast as she could, but she still didn't win. Skulduggery got to the sand in record time and even got her towel ready for her as she came up to meet him.

"Don't say a word." She warned him.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He wrapped the towel around her shoulders and rubbed her arms in an attempt to dry her faster. He didn't even realise what he was doing until he saw her staring at him. He abruptly stopped and let his hands drop. "I'll find the sun cream." He mumbled awkwardly and turned to find the beach bag. He found it and tossed her the sun cream, to which she proceeded to rub onto her fair skin.

_Keep your eyes on the sea, Skulduggery._ He thought quietly. His thoughts were broken by the sound of her voice.

"Skul, will you help me put some on my back please?"

"Sorry?" He looked over at her.

"I said, will you help me put some on my back please?"

He hesitated. "Erm... sure."

He walked over to Valkyrie who was lying on her belly on the sand, head lying on her folded up towel. Kneeling beside her, her picked up the sun cream and squirted some into his hand. He sheepishly put his hand to the middle of her back and began to massage the cream onto her skin. He liked having skin, he had decided while doing this. He's missed what it felt like to have skin touch skin. It was a nice sensation – warm and familiar. He stopped when he heard a faint snore.

"Valkyrie?" He said, amusement high in his tone.

No reply.

"Valkyrie?" He repeated.

He leaned in closer to peer at her face. He stifled a laugh when he saw that she was asleep.

"Oh, bless." He said quietly, brushing the hair out of her eyes yet again. He decided to let her sleep for a while.

...

When Valkyrie woke she was stiff. It was still light and warm outside. She looked over at Skulduggery who was sitting beside her. He had a pencil and pad of paper in his hands.

"What are you drawing?" She asked with a yawn.

"Nothing interesting." He tore out the page and stuffed it into his pocket and looked at her. "Did you enjoy your sleep?"

"Immensely." She paused briefly. "Can I have a go?"

"A go at what?"

"Drawing."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You can draw?"

"Let's find out." She sat up and took the pencil and pad from him.

"What are you going to draw?" He asked.

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Now hold still."

"But why me-"

"Hold still!" She demanded.

He did as he was told and she began to draw him. She got to drawing his torso and hid a smile. She liked having an excuse to look at his chest. When she was done she presented it to him. His eyes widened.

"Wow." He murmured.

"That bad, huh?" She laughed.

"On the contrary, Val. It's... really good."

She let her mouth drop open in mock surprise. "Mr Pleasant, did you actually just compliment me?"

"Shut up." He grinned at her.

They looked at each other for a few moments. Valkyrie suddenly felt the need to sit a little closer to him. She scooted over to him and was happy when she saw his smile widen.

"What are you thinking?" She asked, observing his face.

"Lots of clever little things."

"I'm being serious."

"So was I."

She punched his arm. "You know what I meant."

"I know."

"So what are you thinking?" She pressed.

He tilted his head. "You don't want to know."

"I bet I do."

"I doubt it."

"Try me."

He looked at her and sighed. "I was just thinking... I'm glad we did this. I like spending time with you."

She frowned. "Why wouldn't I want to know that? What so bad about wanting to spend time with me?"

"It's the thoughts that follow that."

She swallowed. "What kind of thoughts?"

"Thoughts about you, and me... about how if I were... oh never mind." He sighed again and looked away.

She looked at him with compassionate eyes. "If you were what?"

"Normal."

"You _are_ normal. Well to me you are anyway. Especially now with the all over façade and all."

He laughed, although it sounded pained. "I'm nothing but an oddity, Valkyrie. Oddities like me don't get what they really want out of life. If I were still human... maybe I would be able to have the only thing I've ever really wanted."

"And what do you want?"

He looked her in the eyes. "You don't need to ask me the answer to that, I think we both know."

Valkyrie knew exactly what he meant. He wanted to be able to tell her he loved her. He wanted to have his own body to take her in his arms and kiss her with his own lips. She knew that in this fake body – he would not do that.

"Yes I know." She said softly.

"Good." He mumbled. "That way I don't have to explain and embarrass myself even further.

There was a moment of silence.

"Maybe we should make sand castles now of something?" She suggested, desperate to change the subject and cheer him up.

He said nothing for a few seconds, but he soon began to smile. "Yeah, sure."

They built sand castles laughing and flicking sand at each other until it was time to walk back to the Villa. Valkyrie kept thinking about what Skulduggery had said. She felt empathy for him. How awful it must be for him to deny himself what he truly wanted, because he wasn't comfortable with the make-do body he currently occupied. She was puzzled at how he could think it mattered to her that he was nothing more than a skeleton in a façade. He was still him on the inside and that all that mattered to her. She made a promise to herself that night. She would make him understand that she didn't care what he looked like. She loved him, and she wanted him, and he would find out tonight.

She just prayed that he'd feel the same way...

**So have you noticed how the story is gradually getting more romantic as it goes along? By the time it's finished your computer screens will be flashing bright red with all the romance! I am almost laughing with devilish delight as I sit here and write! ;)**

**Don't forget to tell me what you think of the story, and also what you think about the Derek Landy thing - if you have time of course! :)**

**Thank you! **

**xoxo  
**


	28. Valduggery: The Beach trip, part 3

**Sorry I've been keeping you waiting, its been a busy Christmas! Did you all have a great Christmas? I hope you did :)**

**I've got my fingers crossed, hoping that I will be one of the lucky people who gets their story read by Derek Landy. Must stay positive!**

**Anyway, this is part three of Valduggery: The Beach trip, and you asked for romance, I give you exactly that! People, its about to get just a little bit hotter in here :P**

Valkyrie rummaged through her suitcase for something to wear to dinner. She needed something... elegant, however _elegant_ was never really her style. She didn't wear makeup, she didn't wear dresses and the only thing she ever did with her hair was tie it up in a pony tail. She stopped searching when she half uncovered an item of clothing she didn't recognise. Frowning she grabbed it and pulled it from the suitcase. She stood up and unfolded the fabric, quickly realising what it was. Valkyrie was holding a little, black, glittery dress. It was a halter neck and it had a low back, the hem coming just above her knees. A note fell from inside the dress.

_Val, thought this might come in handy, I hope you like it._

_Love Tanith._

_P.S. There's a tube of mascara and lip gloss in the front pouch of the suitcase along with a pretty hair clip – GO NUTS!_

Valkyrie laughed at her friend's note. She owed Tanith big time. Valkyrie squeezed herself into the dress, grunting with effort all the while. She found the mascara and the lip gloss putting it on, taking great precision not to smudge any of it as she so usually did on the rare occasions she wore makeup. She brushed her long, dark hair back and effortlessly pinned it up in the sparkling hair clip. She checked herself in the mirror. She was ready.

...

Skulduggery was waiting outside her bedroom door, leaning against the wall. He sighed. He'd been here for the last hour. He'd gotten ready in no time at all and she was taking an age. When he saw the door knob turn he instantly straightened up, fixing his hat.

Valkyrie sheepishly opened the door and smiled at him. Skulduggery's façade eyes bugged out of his head at her. He bit his lip. Wow, she really did look extremely pretty tonight. He realised he was staring and quickly regained logical thought.

"Hello." He smiled. "You look lovely."

"As I always do." She stepped out. "Are we ready to go?"

"Almost."

"What do you need to do?"

Skulduggery fished the little blue jewellery box out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Give you this."

"What is it?"

"Why do you always ask that question rather than just open it?"

"Be quiet." She mumbled and opened the box. Her features lit up when she saw what was inside. She was looking at a gorgeous, white gold necklace that cradled a blood red gem in the shape of a heart inside a border of tiny little diamonds. The chain was thin and delicate.

"Do you like it?" He asked nervously. "I know you don't wear much jewellery but-"

He was cut short when Valkyrie flung her arms around his neck. He instinctively wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close.

"I love it." She murmured, her head resting on his shoulder.

"That's good." He said absentmindedly, the smell of her perfume intoxicating him, making him dizzy.

They embraced in uninterrupted bliss for a long time.

"Are you going to help me with my heart then?" She asked, pulling away from him slightly.

Skulduggery stared at her. "I'm sorry?"

She pointed at the heart pendant in her hand. "Are you going to help me put it on?"

"Oh." He nodded. "Yes, of course."

He stepped closer to her, taking the necklace. He unclipped the latch and put his hands around her neck fastening the clasp behind her. His hands lingered, trailing down her neck, making their way to her shoulders. He suddenly realised how appropriate he was being and took his hands away – although he noted that she didn't seem to mind.

"How does it look?" She smiled. He noticed her lip gloss for the first time, sparkling when the light caught it just right.

"Beautiful." He whispered, not meaning the necklace.

Valkyrie understood what he meant and blushed deeply. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

There was another moment of welcome silence.

"Shall we go?" He smiled. She noticed he was wearing the same façade as earlier.

"Yup." She said, popping the P. She instinctively took his hand and was deliriously happy when he didn't pull away.

They began to walk down to the beach, heading towards the restaurant on the very end of the sand strip. The sun was setting, letting warm red and orange colours leak into the blue sky. Valkyrie looked out over the sea and smiled as it sparkled in the late day sun.

"What are you thinking?" Skulduggery asked.

"It looks beautiful here during sunset, doesn't it?" She turned and looked at the ocean.

Skulduggery gazed at her. "Yes... very beautiful."

She looked back at him. "Do you mind if we watch the sun set?"

"Not at all." He took her hand and led her closer to the shore. He took off his suit jacket and laid it on the sand for her to sit on.

They sat together and watched the sun set. Valkyrie shuffled closer to him and rested her head onto his shoulder. He smiled and put his arms around her shoulders. Skulduggery turned his face into her soft hair and inhaled deeply, scenting her strawberry shampoo. Valkyrie could feel what he was doing and turned her face to look up at him.

"I'm sorry." Skulduggery said quickly.

"Don't be."

"I shouldn't get that close to you."

"You can get even closer if you want." She said softly and reached up to kiss him.

He moved his to the side slightly, dodging her kiss. He felt awful when he saw how hurt she looked.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, face flushing. "I thought that I was supposed to kiss you there. It kind of felt like my cue."

"I guess it was." He agreed.

"And you pulled away."

"Um... yes I did."

"Because you don't want to kiss me."

"What?" He said in surprise. Nothing could be further from the truth.

"You don't want to kiss me." She sighed. "That's fine, I won't force you to."

"Valkyrie, I never said that I didn't _want_ to kiss you."

"You didn't have to."

"Valkyrie..."

"It's okay, I get it. You were trying to let me down gently. I get it."

"No, you really don't." He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head upwards so she had nowhere else to look, but at him. "Valkyrie... I _want_ to kiss you. There is nothing more I would love to do right now than kiss you. But the thing is, I can't."

"Why not?"

"It's... complicated."

"I think I can keep up."

Skulduggery looked at her and sighed. "I can't kiss you – or do anything else for that matter – because I'm not me. I'm not real, Val. I'm just a skeleton in a shell. Just because I'm wearing a façade, it doesn't make me a real man."

"You've always been a real man to me, Skulduggery – façade or not."

"As touching as that is, it doesn't dispute the fact that I am a living skeleton."

"A living skeleton who doesn't want to kiss me." She mumbled.

Skulduggery rolled his eyes. He pulled her face to hers and tenderly – quite gingerly – but nicely kissed her, pulling back before he got two carried away.

Valkyrie stared at him before a huge grin broke across her face.

"That settles that." Skulduggery nodded, trying unsuccessfully not to let it show how badly he wanted to kiss her again. "Now we will finish this discussion after dinner okay?"

"Okay." Her eyes sparkled happily.

"Good."

He helped her up and grabbed his jacket, dusting it down. They walked to the restaurant holding hands, each of them replaying the kiss a million times over in their minds.

**So, tell me what you think :) What do you think is going to happen? :)**

**Oh, and just to let you know, your lovely reviews mean the world to me - and I really do mean that :)**

**Thank you**

**xoxo**


	29. Valduggery: The Beach trip, part 4

**This is Valduggery: The Beach trip, part 4, and it's the final part. Its deliciously romantic - it even starts to get a little steamy!**

**I'm on the Valduggery facbook page and one of the group admins said they put my name forward on Derek Landy's blog to be one of the ten fanfics he choses to read - along with theirs, so thank you to them, you know who you are! Much appreciation.**

**I hope you all like the last part of Valduggery: The Beach trip! :D**

Valkyrie and Skulduggery finished off their dinner and made their way back down to the beach. Skulduggery hadn't eaten anything of course, and had politely told the waiter he wasn't hungry. They walked holding hands, barefoot in the sand. It was dark out now and the stars shone down on them like a million happy smiling faces. Valkyrie stopped walking again to look at the ocean. It was so beautiful.

"What's the matter?" Skulduggery asked her.

"Nothing, it's just so beautiful."

"Only the second most beautiful sight on this beach." Skulduggery stroked her hair.

She smiled to herself. "Thanks."

"I was talking about me."

She rolled her eyes. "No you weren't. Get over yourself."

Valkyrie stared at the waves and tilted her head slightly. It looked just so inviting. The waves reached out to her bare toes, just inches away from touching her, and then withdrawing back – like it was trying to entice her in.

"Do you fancy a swim?" She asked suddenly.

"I'm sorry?" Skulduggery arched an eyebrow.

"I'm going in the water, are you coming?"

"Swimming?" He checked his pocket watch. "At half past eleven at night? No thank you."

She turned to look at him. She let her hair down, dropping the hair clip and her shoes into to sand. "Well I'm going swimming."

"Take my blessing."

"Thanks."

She turned and headed towards the pier.

"Don't go too far out!" He called, sitting down on the sand.

"Okay!"

She ran to the end of the pier, eager to get into the water. She was about to dive when something stopped her. She looked down at her dress – or rather, _Tanith's _dress. She couldn't ruin her best friend's dress. Not wanting to waste time by going to get changed back at the villa, she decided to take of the dress and swim in her underwear – which technically more or less was like a bikini, what with there being a top and a bottom.

Without wasting any more time thinking about it, she whipped off the dress and dived deep into the water. It was cold but refreshing. She rose up and her head broke free of the water. She looked at Skulduggery who was staring at her, and smiled.

Skulduggery gazed at Valkyrie, not really believing what he had just seen. She really was testing his self-control today. Ignoring her beauty and charm and... curves... was becoming ever more difficult. _You are a friend to her and nothing more. She can do far better than you. She deserves a nice human boy. You are neither a boy nor a human. You are an adult and you are a skeleton – even when you are wearing this all over façade. _He though sternly to himself. _However, _the more lenient part of his mind mused, _you did kiss her today. And she told you she wanted you – skeleton and all..._

He shook his head, banishing such thoughts. He would not allow himself to be romantically involved with her, no matter how much he wanted to be. He was a mockery of a man at the most. He sighed and hung his head. It was only when he heard Valkyrie cry out did he look up.

"Skulduggery!" She screamed. "There's something out here!"

That was all he needed to hear. He quickly kicked his shoes and socks off, taking of his suit jacket off with it. He ripped of his t-shirt – exposing his temporary – yet muscular – chest, and pulled off his trousers, so he was running straight into the water in his boxers. He swam out to her.

"Valkyrie!" He called as he swam. "I'm coming, stay perfectly still!"

When he was about a meter away she turned and grinned at him.

He stopped swimming. "Why are you smiling? You're not supposed to be smiling, you're in grave danger."

"Am I?"

"Aren't you?"

She put a hand over her mouth. "Oops! Did I give you the impression that I was, Detective?"

Skulduggery frowned. "Yes you did! I was very worried about you – hence the reason I rushed out here to save you in my boxers!"

"But there _is_ something out here." She said with a sly smile.

"What's that?" He grumbled.

"You."

"How droll, Valkyrie."

They stayed there for a few seconds.

"Can I go now?" He asked.

"Do you have to?"

"Yes."

"Please don't."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Erm..." She wracked her brain. "Because I'm... drowning..."

"You're drowning?"

"Yes..."

"Right."

"Yup." She popped the P.

"Well you don't _look_ like you're drowning."

Valkyrie sighed. "Fine." She sucked in a deep breath and plunged under the water. She broke the surface a few moments later, thrashing her arms around. "Help!" She yelled. "Someone help me!" She submerged herself and then re-appeared again seconds later. "Please someone help! I need a hero!"

Skulduggery rolled her eyes. "You are _such_ a drama queen." He closed the difference between them and wrapped his muscular arms around her. "Happy now?" He asked.

Valkyrie stopped thrashing and looked at him. "My hero." She grinned, putting her arms around his neck.

"Naturally."

Skulduggery was using his manipulation over water to keep them happily bobbing in the water.

"Although we do have another problem." She grinned.

"What's that?"

"You can't let go of me or I'll start drowning again."

He laughed. "It's unlikely that I'm going to let you go."

"Good." She sighed happily and rested her head onto his shoulder. She liked Skulduggery having skin – even if it was slightly waxy. She was aware of one of his hands on the small of her back, the other cradling the back of her head, his fingers playing with strands of her hair.

"Skulduggery?" She murmured.

"Yes?"

"I... I really like you."

"I know. I really like you too."

There was a moment of silence until Skulduggery started humming softly.

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"What song are you humming?"

"The Girl Is Mine."

Valkyrie grinned to herself. "How comes your humming that? Have you got a special girl on your mind?"

"Maybe." There was a certain playfulness in his tone. He was giving into his longing for her. He could feel it. He was losing control and folding in on his craving for her.

"And who exactly is this girl?" She pulled away slightly so she could look at him, struggling to keep a straight face.

"She's very beautiful, with long, dark hair and the prettiest dark brown eyes I've ever seen."

"You sound very smitten with her."

"I am."

"Do you think she'll be mad if I kiss you?"

Skulduggery looked at her, torn for what to do. Should he do the right and honourable thing and refuse her, or should he allow himself this one small enjoyment and kiss her – properly this time? He sighed in defeat – weakness spreading within him.

"Valkyrie..." He murmured, cradling her face in his hands.

The moonlight caught her eyes, making them shimmer. He couldn't take this anymore. How much could one person bear? Skulduggery moaned in a low tone. He gently pulled her face towards him and tenderly touched his lips to hers. He parted his lips and they moved in rhythmic patterns with hers, moulding to the shape of each other, caressing and dancing with each other, fitting perfectly together. This was a new sensation to Skulduggery. He hadn't kissed like this since he was human. This wasn't like the peck he had given her earlier – this was something more. The kiss was building, becoming more urgent now. His hands greedily clutched onto her like a possessive child protecting their favourite toy. He never wanted to let her go. He never had to if he didn't want to...

Valkyrie's heart raced as he kissed her, but it was a nice feeling. All of her nerve endings were on fire as his hand traced over the contours of her back. No one had ever kissed her like this before. Not Fletcher, not Caelan, not _anyone_. She liked it. She liked how he was surrendering himself over to her. She liked how he was doing something to make himself happy for once. But mostly she liked the way his lips were eager to melt against hers.

She could feel how the two of them were moving now, ever so slowly towards the shore, as Skulduggery used the water to carry them. Once they were shallow enough to stand Skulduggery scooped her up into his arms – his lips never straying from hers once – and carried her onto the sand. Gently he put her down and reluctantly pulled away from her.

"Let's go back to the villa." He suggested.

"Okay." She smiled.

He used the air to catch her dress in a draught and carry it over to them. Valkyrie caught it and picked up her other belongings she had dropped into the sand. Skulduggery did the same and they put on their clothes and began to make their way back to the villa.

Skulduggery opened the front door and as soon as they were inside they dropped what they were holding and their hands found each other again. Lips were soon touching again and kissing with the same urgency as before. Skulduggery's arms wrapped around her and he flew them both across the room and up the stairs. They clumsily stumbled across the landing and through the bedroom door. Skulduggery shrugged out of his jacket and scooped Valkyrie up in his arms, leading her over to the bed. He sat her down and continued to kiss her. He kissed her lips, her cheekbones, her neck. Every part of her was beautiful.

Valkyrie laughed against his lips. "I can't believe we're doing this."

Skulduggery suddenly pulled away, looking at her with anxious eyes. "We don't have to if you don't want to. I'm not going to make you."

She nuzzled her face into his neck. "You misunderstand me. I meant, I can't believe we are _finally_ doing this. I've waited so long."

"I know the feeling." He whispered into her hair.

A few seconds passed.

"Skulduggery..." She said finally spoke. "Do you love me?"

He laughed. "I think we both know by now that I do, as do we both know that you love me back."

"Very good deduction, Detective." She leaned away from him slightly. "Now... where were we?"

"I think I remember." He said with a smile. He gently pushed her shoulders down to the bed and shifted his body so he was parallel above her.

They spent the night together, both of them thankful to China for coming up the brilliant idea of having an all over façade.

**Did you like it? Did it have the romance you were hankering for? I really hope so!**

**Don't forget I am still taking suggestions. If you have a story line you would like me to bring to life, or a specific character you have created and would like me to include, then just let me know.**

**I will update soon :)**

**xoxo  
**


	30. Valduggery: True Love's Bonds

**Happy new year to you all! I hope 2011 will be a good year for you all :)**

**This story is entitled Valduggery: True Love's Bonds, and I really hope you like it. The idea was brought forward to me by sneaky lunitic spy - so I thank you muchly for that!**

**Enjoy! :)  
**

Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain were in a situation that really didn't look very hopeful at all. They had been ambushed by one of Tesseract's fellow assassins who had taken it upon themselves to avenge him. This assassin's name was Bludgeon, and he was the next best after Tesseract.

Bludgeon had chosen that particular name for himself due to his tendency to kill his victims by beating them to death with particularly large and sharp objects. Usually he would give the poor idiots a simple blow to the head – knocking them unconscious – then drag them from possible watching eyes and... finish the job.

Bludgeon had gone to the Skeleton Detective's house hoping to find him alone; however the nineteen year old Valkyrie Cain was sitting on his sofa with them. He had ran up behind them silently and cracked them both around the back of the head with a dining table leg and watched with quiet delight as they both fell forward unconscious.

Now Bludgeon had them both as his captives in his underground cellar – or _dungeon_ as he liked to call it. They were both shackled by their hands. He had thrown them into the dungeon and left them to find consciousness on their own accord while he left to have lunch. Well now Skulduggery and Valkyrie were awake and more than disgruntled to realise what had happened.

"We're bound." Valkyrie sighed. "No magic allowed."

"He could have at least given us a couple of chairs to sit on. I hate sitting on the floor."

She looked at him and raised her eyebrow. "Can you hear yourself? We are bound, locked in a cellar and that mad man is about to come back and beat us to death any minute now! The comfort of your current seating arrangement is really not that important!"

"Serpine gave me a chair..."

"Skulduggery!"

"Sorry."

She tugged at her shackles. "What kind of shackles are these anyway? They feel different to the usual ones."

"I was just thinking that. They feel like there is something..."

"Extra?"

"Exactly."

"What do you think it is?"

Skulduggery looked over at her. "That is why they call it a mystery, Valkyrie."

"Shut up."

The conversation was cut short when the cellar door was crashed open. Bludgeon stood there, face twisted with wicked glee, a particularly thick table leg – the one from before – in his right hand.

"Let's get this party started, shall we?"

"I really do feel as though we have overstayed our welcome so we should be leaving you now." Skulduggery stood up.

Bludgeon closed the door. "You're not going anywhere." He snarled. "You're both going to die here today. I am going to turn your bodies into a pile of messy flesh and bones."

"Yes, about that..." Valkyrie stepped forward.

Bludgeon growled. "Only speak to me when I address you, girl!"

He swung the giant table leg and brought it down on Valkyrie's shoulder. She cried out and dropped to one knee. He followed up with a blow to the side of her head. Valkyrie screamed and fell face first to the ground. Her cheekbone had been shattered and blood dripped from her ear.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Skulduggery roared as he ran at him with the intention on ramming his shoulder into the assassin.

Bludgeon turned his attention briefly away from the girl so he could swing the leg against Skulduggery's torso in a baseball bat kind of way, knocking him across the room like a rag doll. Skulduggery heard his ribs crack as he slammed into wall. He fell in a heap and groaned. He tried to get up but he fell over again painfully.

Bludgeon looked back at the girl lying on the floor. No doubt her brain would be desperately willing her to move, but her body would be denying her as the pain flooded through her. Her raised the table leg high and then brought it crashing down onto her thigh and smiled with evil merriment as he heard the bone snap.

Valkyrie's thigh bone broke under the impact and she shrieked in agony. She realised she was crying now. She wanted to call out to Skulduggery to ask if he was okay, but she wasn't able to find her voice.

Skulduggery grunted as he got to his feet. He staggered over to Bludgeon, not quite sure what his next move would be, and tried in vain to lash a kick into his side. However Bludgeon sighed and grabbed Skulduggery's ankle. He wrenched and Skulduggery's leg ripped out of his socket. He hollered in agony and fell over due to sudden loss of balance.

"Ow." He mumbled.

There was a crash from upstairs that made Bludgeon stop. "That won't be good news, I can assure you." He made for the door. "I will be back once I've killed whoever has just tried to break into my house." And then he left, locking the door behind him.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery groaned from the floor. "Are you okay?"

"No. What about you?"

"No."

"Splendid."

Skulduggery propped himself up onto his elbows. He reached out and picked up his severed leg and fed it through his trouser leg, painfully re-attaching it. "We have to get out of here before he comes back." He slid over to Valkyrie and gently nudged her with his shoulder, helping her up into a sitting position. His heart – metaphorically speaking of course – sunk when he saw her face. Her cheek was dark purple with a large gash that was dripping blood going across it. Her face was tear stained and she had blood in her tangled hair – but she still looked beautiful to him.

"I agree." She mumbled.

"So the first move would be to get out of these shackles."

"Uh-huh."

"And to do so we must first find out how they are binding us."

"Go for it."

He sighed. She was in no fit state to do any logical thinking. He gestured for her to come closer to him and rest her head on his shoulder. "Sleep until I have figured this out."

"Okay." She snuggled into his side and closed her eyes.

"Right." Skulduggery said to himself. "The shininess of these shackles would suggest they are brand new, therefore he must have got them local quite recently just for us. Now the town of Haggard has only three back-street places you can get shackles from. Number one is from Crimson Darkblade who makes her shackles with a binding spell woven into them – but he would never go to her as she swore the next time she saw him she would kill him."

Valkyrie mumbled something in her sleep.

"Yes, good contribution Valkyrie. Now, the second place is where they make the shackles out of a material so strong that not even our magic could break through it. However that is the handiwork of Salamander Viper, but Bludgeon would never go to him as they have been mortal foes for over two hundred years."

Valkyrie began to snore quietly.

"Quite right. That indeed _does_ only leave us with one person – Melina Morelock – who also is the only person Bludgeon hasn't ticked off yet. However her shackles are made in a very different way. Her shackles are bound with something much stronger than magic or sheer power. She binds her shackles with true love. The only thing that can break the bond is... true loves kiss..."

Valkyrie was happily in the land of nod.

Skulduggery sighed. "If I kissed you... the shackles would break and we could get out of here. It's been one of my better kept secrets over the past years how I feel about you, but I think now is when the truth may have to come out." He sighed again, happy she was asleep. "Valkyrie Cain, I'm in love with you, and I wished you loved me back so I could kiss you and get us out of here."

She murmured again in her sleep. "Skulduggery..."

His imaginary heart fluttered behind his broken ribs. She was dreaming about him. Maybe... maybe she _did_ love him back! Well... there was only one way to find out. If he kissed her and the shackles broke then it would definitely mean she loved him back. He didn't know what he was anticipating more, the thought of being free or the thought of kissing her. He tilted his skull and ever so slightly leaned in towards her. He tenderly touched his teeth to her lips and let them linger there for a while. He pulled away and waited for the shackles to let them go. When they didn't he sighed.

That's when he heard a click. He would have loved to be able to smile as he felt the metal drop from his wrists. Valkyrie's hands were freed too, although she didn't stir from her slumber. Ignoring the agonising pain that ripped throughout his entire body, he stood up and scooped up Valkyrie into his arms, being gentle that he didn't hurt her.

He kicked the door down and sprinted for the far wall. It was only wood that these walls outside of the cellar were made of. He gritted his teeth and ran head-first at the wall. He crashed through it with ease – howling with pain all the same, but making sure that Valkyrie wasn't hurt in the crash. He was welcomed with the feeling of fresh air on his tired bones. He shot up into the air and flew off with Val into the sky, getting as far away from Bludgeon's lair as humanly possible.

He knew he should be thinking something along the lines of _'We really need to take down that guy sooner rather than later.' _ But in real truth all he could think of was _'She loves me back!'_

**So how was it? Did you like it? First fanfic i've written of the new year! :)**

**I'm still waiting to find out which people's fanfics Derek has picked to read, so to anyone who has put thair name forward like me - good luck! :)**

**I will update soon :)**

**Happy new year!**

**xoxo  
**


	31. Valduggery: I'll protect you

**This is Valduggery: I'll protect you**

**This idea was brought to me by Harmony-Rose Temptation, so thank you muchly m'dear!**

**I hope you like it.  
**

"Hello there lil' darlin'." Said a lazy Texan drawl.

"Hello Billy-Ray." Valkyrie muttered from where she was, tied to the chair, hands shackled.

"You're looking lovely tonight in this flickering candlelight."

"I hope you fall off a cliff."

"And I must say you do wear those shackles well."

"Go slam your head in a car door."

"And sweetheart, as much as you are working that fancy torture-proof coat of yours, am afraid yours going to have to take it off so that the... fun... can begin."

"I really do think that you should curl up and die."

Sanguine shook his head. "My, my, you're seeming especially angry today lil' missy."

Valkyrie frowned at him. "That's because I'm fed up of you kidnapping me. Every time you try to kill me I survive and Skulduggery finds you and knocks you senseless. Don't you think it's time you give it up?"

Sanguine laughed. "Oh you _are_ good for a laugh!"

"I try."

"However this time it will be different."

"Different... how?"

"This time I'm not going to try and kill you."

"What? So It's just going to be plain old torture?"

He nodded. "Got it in one."

"Oh joy." She rolled her eyes.

"Sarcastic gal, aren't you?"

"Everyone needs a hobby."

Sanguine marched up to her and sliced through the ropes holding her to the chair. He pulled off her coat and slung it onto the floor.

"You can take of the shackles too if you like." She grumbled

"Like I said, you're always good for a laugh."

He dragged her over to the wall – razor blade pressed to her neck – and attached her shackles to the steel chains hanging from the ceiling, so her arms were above her head but she was still standing on the floor holding herself up.

"You know, this is fairly uncomfortable." Valkyrie tried.

"And for that I really _do_ apologise."

"Your sincerity means everything to me."

He smiled at her. She took the opportunity to try and kick at him with her boot; however he caught her leg and wrenched it. She cried out in pain. Billy ray walked over to the corner of the little room and grabbed a baseball bat that resided there, propped up against the wall.

"It's nothing personal." He said as he walked back over to her. "I just don't want you doing that again." He swung the bat into her twisted leg and smiled with delight as he heard the bone snap. Her cry of pain only made his grin grow even bigger. He dropped the bat and stroked her hair. "Like I said... It's nothing personal."

Valkyrie gritted her teeth against the pain. She looked down at her right leg that was dangling lifelessly. Her other leg stood strong, foot firmly on the floor, but she didn't want to have both of her legs broken so she kept that leg where it was.

"Now." Sanguine circled her. "What to do first..."

"Surprise me." She muttered, sweat pouring down her face."

She felt his hands on her waist and she froze. He rolled up her t-shirt so her stomach was exposed.

"What are you doing?" She snapped.

Billy-Ray pulled out his razor blade again. He gently placed the tip of the blade on her stomach, just above her belly button. He applied pressure and she screamed as the razor easily cut into her flesh. He carried on cutting for what seemed like an eternity but when he finally stopped and stepped back she looked down at herself. Blood was dripping from the slashes in her skin but she could just about make out what he had done. Sliced into her torso were the initials B.R.S.

She glared at him with animalistic fury. "YOU SICK, EVIL FREAK!" She roared. "YOU NASTY, ROTTEN, PSYCHO!"

"Flattery will get you nowhere." He grinned at her.

"You've marked me with your initials for life! I hate you!"

"You'll have a little piece of me wherever you go."

"DIE!" She screamed at him. She lashed out a kick at him with her one good leg, but he was too quick. He snatched up the bat from the ground and smashed it into her shin. She cried out in agony. Now both of her leg dangled from their sockets lifelessly and being unable to support herself, all her weight was straining in her wrists high above her. Sanguine was overjoyed when she started to cry.

He stepped closer to her. "Now now, Darlin'. Don't cry. I will kiss it all better for you."

Valkyrie blinked at him. "What?"

Sanguine placed his hands on her waist and they gripped her firmly. "You heard." He mumbled as he leaned in towards her. She couldn't back away; all she could do was go rigid as a horrible coldness spread through her. He inclined his face into her neck and softly kissed her just above her collar bone.

"Get off me." She said between sobs.

"Make me." He trailed the kissed up to her jaw line and let his lips linger there for a while.

"Get off me." She repeated in a quiet voice.

He ignored her and brushed hip lips over her cheek.

"Please." She whispered.

Slowly he crushed his lips against her and held them there. She screamed against his lips, eyes wide and terrified.

That was the precise moment when Skulduggery Pleasant blew the door off its hinges and charged into the room. A snarl emanated from somewhere behind his skull and he lunged at Sanguine. He ripped him away from the screaming girl and threw him to the floor. Skulduggery slammed a foot down onto his chest and grabbed his arm. With an aggressively hard yank he dislocated Sanguine's shoulder. Sanguine howled in pain and howled again when Skulduggery lashed a kick into the side of his head.

"YOU DON'T _EVER_ TOUCH HER! DO YOU HEAR ME SANGUINE? _NEVER_!" Skulduggery roared.

Sanguine managed a laugh. "What's the matter, funny-bones? You jealous I got to have a go on her before you did?"

Skulduggery growled and stamped a foot down on Sanguine's nose, breaking it and relishing at the sight of blood streaming down his face. Billy-Ray cried out in pain, clutching his nose as he sunk down into the ground – and then he was gone.

Skulduggery stood perfectly still looking at the spot where sanguine had just been. The only part of him that was moving was his fists that were balled up and shaking with anger.

"Skulduggery?" He heard a soft cry from behind him.

Suddenly he came to his senses. He spun on his heel and looked at Valkyrie. Her wrists were supporting her weight and the metal was cutting into her. Her t-shirt was rolled up and blood dripped from the slices in her skin, B.R.S.

He noted how her legs dangled – mostly likely shattered and broken. Her face was tear-stained and she was trembling like a leaf. If Skulduggery had a heart it would have cracked. If he had eyes he would have shed tears. His poor little Valkyrie. He rushed to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. He undid the shackles with his other hand and she immediately collapsed into his arms. Gently he scooped her up and carried her over to the chair. Once she was seated he kneeled down beside her and cradled her face in his hands.

"I am so sorry I didn't get her sooner, Valkyrie." His voice was strangled with guilt.

She couldn't say anything she just cried.

He held her close and buried his face – or rather, skull – in her hair. "I am so sorry. I am just so, _so_ sorry."

"It's... o... okay." She stammered, trying to prove that she was still brave and strong. She pulled her t-shirt down over her blood-stained stomach. Skulduggery put on her coat for her and she tried doing up the buttons but her hands were shaking too much.

"Here, let me." He said softly and did up the buttons for her. He brushed her hair out of her eyes. Pulling out his pocket handkerchief and gently wiped her eyes for her. "Shh." He soothed. "It's okay, you're safe now."

He scooped her up into his arms and they walked out of the room and down the hallway Skulduggery had used to get in. She rested her head against his shoulder and her hand trailed up to the side of his skull where it stayed, her thumb brushing over his cheekbone.

Skulduggery had almost lost her today. The sheer thought made a little gasp whistle through his teeth, more following in a rhythmic pattern. It was his only way of crying now that he was a skeleton. It was crying without tears.

"Don't cry." Valkyrie whispered next to where his ear should be. "I'll protect you."

**So... was it okay? I hope so.**

**Deffinately going to write something cute for the next update. Something really cute and romantic...**

**OOH! the idea just came to me!**

**You will love it :)**

**Updating soon :D**

**xoxo  
**


	32. Valduggery: Ghastly is right

**This is the cute little story I had in mind before. I hope it meets all your Valduggery requirements :P**

**Its called Valduggery: Ghastly is right**

**Enjoy :)**

Skulduggery was bored. It was a few minutes past midnight and he was the only one awake in the infirmary. He'd been here for five hours after the incident with Spring-heeled-Jack. All the trouble had started last week when Skulduggery and Valkyrie heard about several murders happening all over London. Suspecting who the killer was, they jetted over to London straight away on the pursue for Jack. They had found him springing over the rooftops of the east-end and had gone after him. Jack had jumped from one ledge to one that was particularly far away. Valkyrie – being herself – was determined not to let him get away after how he had thrown her best friend off a moving car years before, and jumped after him without waiting for Skulduggery to fly them over.

Skulduggery had yelled her name as the leapt from the rooftop. He had watched her, horrified how she missed the other ledge by a meter or so. And he leapt after hers as she plummeted to the ground. He moved fast, but not as fast as her and he wasn't able to catch her. She crashed into a huge pine tree, every branch attacking her on the way down. She had hit the ground with a stomach-lurching thud.

Skulduggery was only a few seconds too late, but a few seconds was enough. He touched down beside her and gently scooped her up into his arms. He flew them back to the Bentley and they drove to the English Sanctuary that fortunately wasn't too far away. The administrator had shown them to the Sanctuary Infirmary and for the last five hours Valkyrie Cain had been sedated, sleeping peacefully. It was the longest she'd ever gone without talking for the whole seven years he'd known her.

She had escaped with only a broken arm, a fractured ankle, a shattered knee cap and a not-too serious bump to the head. She was very, _very_ lucky. However, she had to stay here until morning to re-cooperate and Skulduggery was staying with her. There was no way he was going to leave her, but he was just so bored. He paced the room, Ghastly in a chair in the corner, reading a book. He had found out what happened and had joined Skulduggery for moral support

"Stop pacing, you'll ware out the floor." Ghastly murmured, not looking up from his book, _How to make suits like a pro_.

Skulduggery skidded to a Holt. "You're right. Sorry. It must be getting annoying."

"Yes it is."

"I'm just so..."

"Worried?" Ghastly looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "I was going to say bored stiff."

"Whatever you say."

"Don't start with me, Bespoke."

"I'm not starting with you, I am merely stating the facts. Skulduggery, you are worried about her. There is no shame in that."

"No there isn't, but there should be shame in all the rest, right?"

Ghastly closed the book and placed it on the table beside him. "You can't help how you feel about her."

"I shouldn't feel anything more towards her than friendship. Anything more than that would be very bad on my behalf." Skulduggery sagged and dropped into the chair opposite his friend.

"But you still like her more than a friend don't you?"

Skulduggery hesitated. "Yes."

Ghastly nodded slowly, as if he was digesting this fact. "And why exactly do you feel guilty?"

"It's obvious isn't it? She's a human, I'm a skeleton. She's nineteen, I'm over 400. She's alive, I'm... dead. We're hardly a match made in Heaven."

Ghastly shook his head defiantly. "Not good enough reasons. Skul, you have never let being a skeleton stop you from doing anything before, age is but a number – if you were still human you would only look like you were in your mid-twenties, and, well... your more alive than most of us as the best of times. You're still a great catch, Skul and so is she. Go for it."

Skulduggery's smile was in his tone. "Do you really mean that?"

"I really mean that."

Skulduggery paused for a moment and looked over at Valkyrie who was still happily slumbering. "I thought I was going to lose her. I don't like that feeling, it seems to pop up too often. I don't know what I would do if I actually lost her for good. So much would be left unsaid. There's so much I ought to tell her..."

"Well," Ghastly said as he stood up. "I'm going out to get a coffee. You know, leaving you two alone. So you can chat. About things. Without me here. So you know, if there is anything you need to tell her you can while she's still sedated, you can. Something that may be weighing heavily on your mind." Ghastly walked over to the door but turned back before he left. "Just an idea." And then he was gone.

Skulduggery laughed. Sometimes Ghastly was just _too_ good a friend. Skulduggery walked over to Valkyrie and sat down on the edge of her bed. He looked at her, taking his time. He never wanted to forget just how beautiful she was. He swept her hair off her face, his hand lingering on her cheek. She was so soft and warm.

"You're really dumb, you know that?" He spoke quietly. "Only a complete imbecile would willingly jump off a building and hit a tree on the way down. But I'm glad you, er... didn't die. I'm really, really glad." He sighed. "I'm not very good at this kind of thing, Valkyrie, so you'll have to bear with me. You are... so... _special_ to me. I used to think of you, kind of as my daughter... but then you grew up. You stopped being cute and all of the sudden you were beautiful instead. You've blossomed into a stunning young lady and there's not one day that goes by when I don't think about you... and me..." He held her hand and kissed her fingertips with this teeth. "I like you, Valkyrie. I like you more than I should. I just wish I could tell you properly. I love you."

Skulduggery hung his head. Only when he heard a soft mumble did he look up. She wasn't awake, but perhaps she was dreaming. "Skulduggery..." She whispered in her sleep.

"Yes?" He stroked her sleeping face.

"Skulduggery..." She murmured again. "So sorry... never told you... so sorry... too scared..."

He cocked his head to one side. What was she talking about?

She continued. "Never told you... meant to tell you... so important..."

Skulduggery leaned forward in anticipation. "Yes?"

"Skulduggery... I love you Skulduggery... love you so much."

Skulduggery choked on his own surprise. Suddenly Valkyrie's eyes we open and her hands were reaching out and grabbing his jacket collar. She pulled him towards her and pressed her lips against his teeth. Skulduggery resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her and instead, tapped the tattoos on his collarbones, activating his façade. Valkyrie smiled as a pair of soft, perfect lips materialised next to her lips. Gratefully she kissed them.

Skulduggery pulled away a centimetre so that he could talk. "You weren't asleep at all were you? You were awake for my entire little speech."

"I was." She said in a silky voice. "I heard it all, and it's about time too!"

She pulled him back against her lips and he more than willingly complied. One hand snuggled under the covers and wrapped around her waist, the other cradled her face. He liked kissing her, he very quickly decided.

Ghastly walked back into the room and saw them. He grinned and left without saying anything. Out in the hallway he laughed. "I like it when _I'm_ right for a change."

**Well? Did you like it? I decided that since we had had such dramatic chapters lately we need something a little light hearted :)**

**I hope you thought it was as brimming with cuteness as I was trying to make it :)**

**I will update soon!**

**Hoping to hear your thoughts :)**

**xoxo  
**


	33. Valduggery: Admitting you are wrong

**This chater is called Valduggery: Admitting you are wrong, and I hope you like it.**

**I regret to amit that I had a review from someone who didn't like Valduggery - which is okay as we all have our own opinion - and I feel i should say to those who dont like Valduggery that I do not mean to upset or annoy anyone, and I appologise. And of course, if you don't like Valduggery, no one is making you read it.  
**

**Now thats over :) I hope you enjoy it.  
**

Valkyrie melted back into a comfy bean-bag cushion with a happy sigh. She had a large bowl of popcorn nestled into her lap. She grabbed the remote next to her and pressed play. 'Twilight' started to play. A grin spread across her lips. Edward Cullen was her guilty pleasure.

There was a knock at her front door.

"It's open!" She called, not taking her eyes off the screen.

The door opened and Skulduggery entered. He took off his jacket, folded it neatly and placed it in the back of the sofa along with his hat.

"Good evening." He said brightly. "What are we doing tonight?"

She craned her head round to look at him. "Movie night."

He visibly sagged. "Oh. Okay."

"What? What's up?"

"You always pick girly films."

"I don't!"

"You do." He sat down on the bean-bag beside her. "Last time we stayed in to have a movie night, you made me watch Mamma Mia."

"You loved it." She murmured.

"Bloody didn't."

"Hush. The films starting."

"What are we watching?"

"Twilight."

Skulduggery let his skull roll back as he groaned. Valkyrie threw a piece of popcorn at him. It was ten minutes into the film and skulduggery was already making snarky remarks.

"This film is ludicrous! We both know that Vampires are nothing like the Cullens, so why are they portrayed that way?"

"I don't know." Valkyrie muttered through gritted teeth.

"And how many real vampires do you know that sparkle in the sunlight?"

"I don't know."

"And it's not right to promote romance between a monster and a human girl."

"Please shut up."

" Now teenage girls everywhere will be running around thinking it's okay to date vampires."

Valkyrie shot him an acidic look. Skulduggery realised his fumble and changed the subject.

"And what's the big deal with this Bella girl? She's not strictly beautiful is she?"

"I think she is."

"Really?" Skulduggery cocked his skull to one side. "Why?"

Valkyrie sighed. "Well she's prettier than me."

"No she's not. She pales in comparison next to you." Skulduggery was talking to fast before he could stop himself. He shrunk back into the bean-bag.

Valkyrie didn't know how to reply. "Um... thanks."

They watched the film in silence for another twenty minutes before something else happened in the film that Skulduggery didn't agree with. It was the kissing scene between Edward and Bella. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"That's not right." He mumbled. "It's far too dangerous for her to be kissing him. He could rip her throat out at any moment."

"I can't hear what they are saying, Skulduggery."

"Not that a girl of her age should be kissing like that at all with anyone. A peck, yes that's fine. There is no need to practically suck someone's face off."

"I am going to punch you in a minute."

"_You_ didn't kiss the vampire like that did you?"

She growled and lunged at him, knocking him of the bean-bag. She pinned him to the floor, sitting on his ribs.

"I haven't heard a word of this whole damn film since you've been here! Why do you always find it so hard to just sit down and not talk for a couple of hours? Why must you make a comment at every little insignificant thing?"

"Valkyrie, it would appear that you are sitting on me."

She growled and flicked his skull in-between his eye sockets.

"Now are you angry because interrupted the film, or because I mentioned your kiss with Caelan?"

"I'm not angry."

"You fingers digging into my collar bone would suggest otherwise."

She suddenly realised what she was doing and jumped up, pulling him with her. "Sorry. I lost it for a second. Sorry."

"It's okay."

They both sat back down, on the sofa this time. Sighing Valkyrie turned the film off.

"Why did you turn it off?" Skulduggery asked her.

"You didn't want to watch it anyway. What does it matter?"

"I've upset you haven't I?"

"No." She looked away.

"I've touched a nerve."

"No you haven't."

"Sorry, Val."

"Don't be."

He gently put a hand on her shoulder. "I said it without thinking. I know you don't want to have to remember Cae – erm... him."

Valkyrie smiled weakly. He knew her so well. She didn't like thinking of Caelan, and how he was responsible for her breaking up with Fletcher last year. "I don't mind watching the film, Skul. Really I don't. I just know that you don't like it so I won't make you watch it."

He tilted his head to one side. "It's not _all_ bad."

"Really?"

"Really. I like the way... um..."

Valkyrie cracked a smile. "Yes?"

Skulduggery wracked his imaginary brain for an answer. "I like the way... um... they fall in love."

"What?"

"Erm, yes. I like the way they don't like little insignificant things get in the way of their love. Like the fact that he is dead, and she's alive. Or that fact that he's really old and she's a young girl. Or even the fact that he's done bad things in the past but she doesn't even care because she loves him for who he is..." Skulduggery trailed off. Something sparked in his mind and he suddenly realised how much of an idiot he had been. A stupid, oblivious idiot.

"Are you okay?" She asked him.

"I am such an idiot." He murmured, staring at her.

"I'm sorry?"

"You don't _care_ that I'm dead or that I'm over one hundred years old, or even that I have a dark past, do you?"

"Of course not." She smiled fondly. "I like you for who you are in here." She tapped where his heart was supposed to be."

"Oh good." Skulduggery said, something new in his tone. He activated his façade, letting the face appear. Today he had messy black hair – but messy in that perfect kind of way – and bright green eyes. He hesitated before putting his hand up to her cheek. "You like me just as I am?" He asked.

She nodded, a little too stunned by his handsome new face, and the way he was looking at her, to speak.

"That's all I need to hear." He slowly inclined his face towards hers, sort of nervously due to not having to do anything like this in so long. He lingered there, his lips centimetres away from hers. He could feel her sweet breath washing over his face. He thought about pulling away.

"Just kiss me." Valkyrie breathed.

Skulduggery complied, and gently let his lips find hers. He parted his lips slightly, delighted at how her own lips seemed to fit so perfectly with his. The kiss was building, hands were wandering, breathing was accelerating.

Suddenly Valkyrie pulled away and Skulduggery looked at her confused.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I get too carried away?"

She shook her head. "No. You can get as carried away as you like." Her voice was near panting.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I thought you said that girls my age shouldn't be kissing like that."

He smiled. "On this rare occasion I will admit that I was wrong."

Tenderly he pulled her back into the kiss, smug at how she was so happy to let him.

**Next up I think I will mix in some Ghanith with the Valduggery, as suggested by Misttyy.**

**Let me know what you think :)**

**xoxo**


	34. Valduggery: Introducing Ghanith

**This story is called Valduggery: Introducing Ghanith, and it was inspired by Misttyy - thank you for the grand idea :)**

**This story has a both valdugery and Ghanith in it and i really hope you like it.**

**In this story, Valkyrie is nineteen years old. Also the starting point is after Tanith has had the remnant magically taken out of her by some amazing people, and shes just waking u. :)**

**Lastly, thank you for my lovely reviews. You're support means everything to me :')**

**Okay! Okay! I'll let you read it now! :) Enjoy!**

Tanith lay in the infirmary bed, just beginning to stir after her operation where the remnant had been extracted from her. It was a lengthy and painful process that left a lot of scarring all over her torso, and it didn't have a very high chance of survival. But here she was, pulling through, eyelids fluttering open. Tanith was a fighter.

"She's opening her eyes!" Said a familiar girl's voice.

Tanith blurry eyes looked upwards at the ceiling. There were sketchy outlines of people leaning over her. She blinked hard and slowly the figures became decipherable. The person closest to her had long, dark hair, brown eyes and a pale complexion. She suddenly realised who it was.

"Val?" She croaked.

A tear caught in the corner of Valkyrie's eye. "Yeah Tan, It's me. Hi."

"Well don't just stand there looking pretty, help me sit up so I can hug you."

Valkyrie laughed. She took hold of Tanith's shoulders and gently guided her into a sitting position. She gingerly wrapped her arms around her weak friend, and suddenly the tears came. "I'm so happy you're back."

"Me too kiddo. How long have I been gone for?"

"Three years."

"That explains why you've suddenly grown up. So what have I missed?"

"Um... Valkyrie looked over her shoulder and to the far side of the room. Tanith followed her gaze and saw skulduggery leaning against the far wall. "Skul?" Valkyrie asked sheepishly.

Skulduggery walked over to where Valkyrie was standing and placed his hand around her waist. He looked at Tanith and nodded his greeting. "It's great to have you back, Tanith."

Tanith didn't respond, she just stared at skulduggery's hand resting on her friend's hip. Suddenly she grinned. "About bloody time!"

Valkyrie smiled broadly and snuggled into Skulduggery's side. Tanith was about to say something to them, when she heard someone clear her throat from her left. She looked over and saw Ghastly standing in the doorway. Her mouth gaped open and she could physically feel her palms sweating.

"Hello, Tanith." He smiled shyly. "You're looking... good."

She laughed. "I look awful and I don't need a mirror to know it."

"No you don't. You really do look lovely." He looked down at his pigeon toed feet. "You always look lovely."

There was an agonisingly awkward silence.

"I'm going to get something to eat in the canteen." Skulduggery said, leading Valkyrie by the hand to the door.

Valkyrie frowned at him. "You're a skeleton. You don't eat."

"Yes. And I don't sky dive either. Now let's go."

Suddenly Valkyrie understood why they were leaving, and she quickly followed Skulduggery out and shut the door. He began to walk down the corridor but when he realised that she wasn't walking beside him he turned around and saw Valkyrie with her ear pressed against the door.

"Valkyrie Cain, what are you doing?"

"Shhhh!" She frowned, straining to hear the conversation on the other side.

He walked over to her. "Eavesdropping is rude." He whispered.

"Don't care." She muttered.

Skulduggery activated his façade and pulled her round to face him. "Do as I say, Miss Cain." He murmured in his velvety voice.

"Don't think that just because you have a fancy new face on, I'm instantly going to melt and do whatever you say."

Skulduggery sighed. He pulled her closer to him and touched his lips to hers lightly. He trailed kisses down her neck. "Please?" He breathed against her collar bone.

Her mind scattered and she became powerless to resist. "Okay."

"Good girl." He kissed her lips again.

...

Tanith watched gratefully as Skulduggery and Valkyrie left them alone. Once the door closed, Ghastly made his way over to her and awkwardly sat on her bed.

"Erm... hello." Was all he could think of to say.

"Hi." She smiled.

"You look a lot nicer without the black lips and all the back veins."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

Ghastly wracked his brain for something to say. They both went to speak at the same time, but stopped and laughed nervously.

"I'm really happy to see you." Ghastly finally said. "I thought I had lost you forever. I didn't much like that feeling."

Tanith could feel herself blushing. "Thanks. That's so sweet."

"I... um... I've really missed you."

"I'm really sorry I missed our first date."

"It's okay. You had a pretty good excuse."

Ghastly looked at her hand that was outstretched towards him, palm face up, lying on the bed. She obviously wanted him to take it. Slowly, very slowly, he did.

"You hands are warm." She noted.

"Good circulation I guess."

"Everyone needs a hobby."

Ghastly took in a deep breath. He had to do this. He had to tell her he still loved her.

"Um... Tanith..." He began.

"Yes?" She replied, eager for him to continue.

"I... er... I really like you. I mean, you're funny, and pretty, and... special. The whole time you were gone... my feelings about you never changed. Not even for a moment. No matter how much it hurt, I just had to accept the fact that..." He voice started to shake out of nerves. "The... the fact that... I... I..."

"You love me." She said softly.

He avoided her eyes, aware he was going red. "Yes."

"Ghastly look at me."

"I'd rather not."

"I'm not _that_ ugly, am I?"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"Then look at me."

He sighed and looked up at her. She was smiling fondly at him. She shuffled closer to him, her arm stretching out to touch his cheek. The lightly traced a scar running down his face. Slowly, Tanith pulled him closer to her, wrapping her arms around his neck. Face inclined to his, she reached up and pressed her lips to his rather shyly. Glad when he didn't pull away she relaxed into his arms a little more. Ghastly wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. He let her guide the kiss, as this was a little new to him. However, he quickly relaxed and was overjoyed when he realised he was kissing her back. His lips parted and hers own lips seemed to fit perfectly against his, melting against each other.

Ghastly pulled away the slightest amount. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?" She breathed.

"Are you busy tonight?"

"No, why?"

He smiled against her lips. "Because I'm picking you up for our first date." He said before her resumed kissing her.

**So, I hope you liked it :) Next up i think we shall have some drama and romance because I know thats what you guys like :)**

**Once again, thank you muchly :')**

**xoxo  
**


	35. Valduggery: Vampire in the future

**Hello! I hope you're all well :) I'm certainly not! I've got my a-level exams this week!  
**

**Anyway, this little story is called Valduggery: Vampire in the future, and I wrote it after the lovely reader called val asked me to write something about Valkyrie and Caelan. I must say that while I found this exceedingly difficult, it was also fun and I appreciate the idea - so thank you! :)**

**I hope you all like it.  
**

Sweat ran down Valkyrie's forehead as the steam billowed around her; however Skulduggery was perfectly fine, standing behind her. They were standing in Cassandra Pharos' basement and she was showing them another one of her visions using the steam. She had called three days ago, saying that she had been having disturbing and alarmingly regular visions of Valkyrie, and that she thought they should both come over. And here that were.

The steam swirled in from of Valkyrie's eyes, and breathing became slightly difficult as the air became denser. Colours started to swirl in the haze and slowly they became figures. She saw herself, a few years from now, in her early twenties. She was strong and muscular. Valkyrie gulped, expecting the worst. Skulduggery put his hand on her shoulders and held her steady, ready to drive her back if she got too worked up.

They continued to watch. Future-Valkyrie was striding through a park, dressed head to toe in her usual black. The real Valkyrie noticed something was different from last time, instantly. Firstly she was jogging – almost skipping, and secondly she was smiling. Suddenly someone barrelled into her from behind and pushed her to the ground. Caelan was on top of her grinning.

"Got you." He said softly before kissing her cheek.

The real Valkyrie could feel Skulduggery's hands gripping her tighter as his own anger bubbled up inside of him.

"How dare he think you would ever let him kiss you again." He muttered.

"How dare, indeed." Real Valkyrie agreed.

"You're sure there's nothing going on between you two?"

"Very sure." She said honestly.

In the vision, the future Valkyrie laughed again. "Please, please don't hurt me!" Her tone mocking.

Caelan chuckled. Slowly he inclined his face towards hers and he proceeded to kiss her over and over on her lips.

Skulduggery roared at the vision before him and lunged. It was Valkyrie that had to hold him back.

"Relax Skulduggery!" She soothed loudly. "It's not real remember?"

Skulduggery said nothing for a while, then he calmed and relaxed, seeming his old self again. They both returned their gaze upon the vision. Suddenly the picture jumped and the future-Valkyrie was standing in Caelan's arms, his hands on her swollen belly. She was pregnant.

The real Valkyrie had to hold Skulduggery back again.

"How dare he! How dare he... do _that_!" He snarled.

"This hasn't happened yet!" Valkyrie reminded him.

Back in the vision, time skipped forward again. This time it was the future-Valkyrie standing in front of Caelan. Her pregnancy bump was gone, and instead she was holding a small, beautiful child. The child was a pale little girl, around the age of four, with curly dark hair and her mother's brown eyes.

"Say goodbye to daddy." Future-Valkyrie said. "You won't see him until morning."

The child pouted and looked unbelievably like her mother. "Why?"

Caelan answered this time. "Daddy has to go somewhere safe where he knows he won't get into trouble overnight."

"No." The girl said stubbornly. "You stay here."

Caelan laughed. "You grow more like your mother every day."

"Oi!" Valkyrie punched his arm.

Caelan leaned in and kissed his wife – as their matching wedding rings would suggest – then he kissed his child's forehead. After that he left them, and time shuffled forward again.

This time the image was darker. Caelan was running to get to his cage but suddenly he started panting. He made a desperate lunge but he was too late and his body twisted in midair. He dropped to the floor and howled in pain as the monster within him was fighting his way out. He grabbed the skin on his face and ripped his human skin off, revealing an ugly pale creature with small, beady, black eyes and jagged teeth. He sniffed at the air and caught the scent he was looking for. His head snapped in the direction of his prey. Then he started to stalk it.

The real Valkyrie that found watching this was twisting her insides. She clenched and unclenched her fists nervously, wishing they could leave now before she had to see the unpleasant bit.

The next scene in the smoke was of the chalky white beast that used to be Caelan climbing through the window of a child's nursery. It was Valkyrie's child. It was sleeping contently; unaware of the danger she was in. The monster snarled... and then it lunged.

The real Valkyrie screamed. "No!"

She tried to run forward, but Skulduggery wrapped his strong arms around her torso and restrained her.

"He kills our baby!" She screamed. "My husband kills our own daughter!"

Skulduggery spoke quietly into her ear. "This hasn't even happened yet, Valkyrie. And it never will happen. We both know that you will never go back to Caelan. The future has it wrong this time."

"But how could he do it?" She raged. "How could he be such a... a..."

"Monster?"

She sagged. "Yes."

The vision skipped ahead again and this time Caelan had his human skin back on. He was facing the enraged future-Valkyrie. There were tears streaming down her face that was twisted in pure hatred.

"Tell me it wasn't you." She growled. "Tell me that it was Dusk or Sanguine or... anyone else apart from you."

Caelan hung his head. "I... can't. I'm sorry."

"SORRY?" She screamed. "YOU'VE MURDERED OUR DAUGHTER AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS, YOU'RE _SORRY?"_

"I didn't get to my cage in time. I was so close. I will never forgive myself." His tone was dead.

"You won't live long enough to even _think_ about forgiving yourself." She growled.

Caelan looked up. "Pardon?"

That was the moment that future Valkyrie lunged at him, and where the vision ended. The mist began to drift away and Skulduggery's grip on her loosened. The real Valkyrie – the only Valkyrie that was in the room now – suddenly burst into tears.

Skulduggery went rigid. What did he do? Did he pat her on the back? Did he say some comforting words? Did he hug her? He couldn't pick one so he did them all together. He embraced her and she nuzzled her face into his chest.

"I know that was hard to see." He spoke gently. "But it will never happen. Caelan may still love you, but you don't love him. That will never _ever_ happen. I promise you."

She nodded. "Okay."

"Good girl. No more hanging around with old, dead guys, okay?"

She looked up and him and managed a smile. "Except from you?"

Skulduggery's smile was in his tone. "Except from me, naturally."

**I'm needing your help! I want to write an uber-romantic piece of Valduggery for my next update, but I don't know what to write about. Any ideas?**

**Thank you :)**

**xoxo  
**


	36. Valduggery: All that over a dream?

**I have mixed emotions over this little story, so I'm handing it over to you to decide for yourselves. It's called Valduggery: All that over a dream?**

**I hope you like it :)  
**

Skulduggery Pleasant was meditating. It was a deep state his mind went into, like sleeping – only he was more alert. More aware of his surroundings. Also, while he was meditating he could pick what he wanted to do. Sometime he chose to wander through his deepest and innermost thoughts, other times he rifled through his memories, and even sometimes he would amble across a dream he would have been likely to be having. That was the current case.

Skulduggery was walking around in his own mind, impressed as how marvellous it all was. There were posters of his favourite films floating by him, glass boxes drifted by in mid air with thoughts or things he had said in the past within them. Also people were always walking past him, nodding their head in greeting as he passed. Tanith, Ghastly, Valkyrie – the whole shebang. A song was playing: The Girl From Ipanema. He sighed happily.

That was when a sudden hole opened up beneath him and swallowed him whole.

"Buggar." He muttered as he fell.

He landed gently, using the air to slow his descent. He looked at is surroundings. He was in a dark, empty street.

"Must have stumbled across another dream." He murmured.

Skulduggery didn't mind having the occasional dream, except he couldn't talk to anyone. People couldn't see or hear him and he couldn't interact with real life objects. Then there was a scream in the distance. A girls scream. _Her_ scream.

"Valkyrie?" He called, even though he knew she wouldn't hear him.

There was another scream and gun shots. He heard his own voice shouting but he couldn't decipher what was being said. He looked in the general direction of the voices and saw figures running towards him. He realised he was looking at himself and Valkyrie sprinting. He began to wonder what they were running from... until he saw him.

Lord Vile was after them, coming at them fast, riding a wave of shadows. He was faster than they were. He was closing the gap easily. The real-Skulduggery froze in horror. He wasn't scared of most things. But lord Vile? Lord Vile _terrified_ him.

The dream-Skulduggery and Valkyrie were close to the real Skulduggery now. Just yards away. He flinched when then ran straight through him. He turned to watch them run away, then turned back to see Lord Vile coming at him.

"Oh hell!" Skulduggery grumbled.

He spun on his heel and began to flee the same way the others had, even though he knew that Lord Vile wasn't after him, or that he could even see him. Lord Vile snapped out a tendril of shadow and Skulduggery ducked out of it way, even though there was no need – the shadow wasn't designed for him.

"This is ridiculous." He muttered to himself as he jumped up from the ground and continued to run.

He saw the shadow shoot past him and ahead to the others. He gasped in horror as the tendril wrapped around Valkyrie's ankle and pulled her feet from underneath her. It began to drag her back ignoring her screams. The dream –Skulduggery made a desperate grab for her but missed.

"Valkyrie!" Both Skulduggery's yelled.

"Help!" Valkyrie screamed at dream-Skulduggery.

Dream-Skulduggery went to run after her, but he stopped and stared up at Lord Vile. He froze in place.

"Skulduggery! Help me!" Valkyrie screamed at him.

Lord Vile had her in his grasp now. His huge hands were pinning her arms behinds her. She kicked and struggled but it was no use.

Real Skulduggery looked at the dream version of himself, that was making no attempt to help Valkyrie. "What are you waiting for? Go help her!"

But the dream-Skulduggery just stared.

"Skulduggery, please!" She begged.

Finally he spoke. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I can't." The dream-Skulduggery turned on his heel and ran away, into the distance.

Real Skulduggery was the only living skeleton left now, and he was angry. He had just watched himself crumble under the pressure, and abandon his partner out of stupid fear. Valkyrie's cry of pain shattered his thoughts and his skull snapped over to her direction. Lord Vile was commanding the shadows to wrap around her. They were covering her, suffocating her, _agonising_ her.

Suddenly he started running towards her, although he knew there was nothing he could do. He got his gun out and shot all six bullets straight into Lord Vile's head. He cursed and put away the gun when they all soared through him without hurting him.

The shadows continued to smother Valkyrie and her shrieking became even more high-pitched. One shadow snaked around her throat and with a single wrench, it snapped her neck.

All the screaming stopped. The kicking stopped. The struggling stopped. Skulduggery's world stopped.

"Valkyrie!" He yelled and jumped for her.

That was when he woke up. He awoke from his meditation, breathing fast and his fingers digging into the arms of his chair. Then he heard her call his name.

"Skulduggery? Did I hear you wake up?" Valkyrie entered the room holding a cup of tea. She was tall, striking, with long dark hair and eyes even darker, aged eighteen. "Oh good you are." She could tell because she could hear his breathing again. When he was meditating he stopped breathing altogether – even though he didn't need to anyway and purely did it out of habit. The first time he had stopped breathing she'd though he was dead. Well... more dead than he already was.

Skulduggery was relieved to see her okay but he couldn't bring himself to reply yet.

"Hello?" Valkyrie waved a hand in front of his skull. "Yoo-hoo! Skulduggery, I know you're awake, there is no use in pretending." She frowned when he didn't respond. She put down the mug and crouched in front of him. "Hey... what's wrong?"

No reply.

"Skul?" She asked again. She saw how his fingers were digging into her arm chair and frowned. She tried to take one of his hands and pull it away from her poor chair. But his hand didn't budge. It was like he was a statue, refusing to move. That was the true sign that something was upsetting him. Whenever he was troubled he would go completely rigid and not talk. "Skulduggery, please tell me what's wrong."

Still nothing.

She sighed and straightened up, deciding what to do. She sat down on his lap feeling a little stupid and awkward being so close to him, and she had no idea where to put her hands – so she put them in her lap. However, she hoped her bold decision would help him snap out of his current frozen state.

"Skulduggery?" Her tone soft and appealing – something she'd learned to do from China. "Please won't you tell me what's wrong?" When she got no reaction she knew she had to go one step further. She placed one hand on the side of his face and allowed her thumb to brush lightly over his cheek bone. "Please tell me what's upset you. Please."

How on Earth was he supposed to ignore her when she was talking to him in such a way? Practically begging him. Plus she was sitting on his lap, stroking his cheek. What was she actually doing that part for, anyway? He couldn't take it. He gave in and looked at her.

"Finally." She smiled at him.

"Valkyrie... I'm so sorry."

Her smile faded a little. "What for?"

"For what I just saw in my dream."

"You were dreaming?"

"Yes. And I... watched you... die..."

She was stunned. "I died?"

"Murdered actually." His voice shook. "By Lord vile."

She frowned deeply. "Oh. Right. Can't say that I like that very much."

Skulduggery hung his head. "I'm so sorry."

Valkyrie put a finger under his chin and tilted his head up to look at her, like he had always done to her when she was upset. "I don't understand what you have to be sorry about."

"You didn't hear the rest of the story." Skulduggery said in a small voice.

"Tell me now then."

"I don't want to."

Valkyrie widened her eyes and bit her lip, trying to look as sweet and adorable as possible. "Please?"

Skulduggery sighed. "Fine. I..."

"Yes?"

"I was there, Valkyrie. I was there and I let Lord Vile kill you. I was too scared to save you and I ran away. I let you die."

Valkyrie went suddenly silent.

"And now you hate me." Sighed Skulduggery resting his skull into one of his hands.

Valkyrie frowned. "What? Hate you? How on Earth could I ever possibly hate you?"

"Because–"

She interrupted him. "Because of a stupid dream that isn't even real?"

"Yes. He grumbled sullenly.

"Don't be such a muppet."

He didn't say anything.

"Skulduggery?" She asked. "Skulduggery? Don't go all silent on me, please. Skulduggery?"

No reply.

She sighed. She had to snap him out of this mood. She did the only thing she could think of. She yanked back his shirt collar and pressed the symbols etched onto his collarbones. The façade activated and Skulduggery suddenly had a face with brown shaggy hair and warm, brown eyes. Before he could ask what she was doing, Valkyrie was planting a kiss on his temporary lips and it took a few moments... but then he started to kiss her back.

Suddenly she pulled away. "Feeling better now?"

"Much." He mumbled.

"Good." Valkyrie stood up, wishing she didn't have to and that she could carry on sitting with him – but this was for his own good. Well... at least she thought it was, however the smile on his face would suggest otherwise. "Now wipe that grin off your face and... and do something constructive, okay?"

He tried to hide his smile. "Sure okay."

"Good." She nodded. She picked up her cup of tea – now cold – and exited the room.

Skulduggery laughed. "All that over a dream?"

**So, was it good, bad, or just plain ugly? Love to hear what you think :)**

**And don't forget, I am still taking suggestions from everyone :)**

**~Sabrina**

**xoxo  
**


	37. Valduggery: The wedding, Part 1

**Okay, so here we are at the start of another many-parted, romantic story. I'm going to try and make it nice and romantic and dramatic and full of oodles of adorable moments... is that okay with all of you? :)**

**This is called Valduggery: The wedding, Part 1**

**Valkyrie is about 20 years old  
**

**Enjoy :)**

Skulduggery groaned with boredom and let his head loll backwards. He had his façade on as they were in a public shopping area, and today he had smart brown hair and dazzling green eyes. Valkyrie had dragged him into every dress, shoe and accessory shop they had passed today. He didn't want to escort her out today. Lord knows, he didn't want to. However, he had lost a coin toss to her, and ended up taking her out anyway.

Now he was in a dress shop, sitting in a chair in the dressing room, waiting for her to try on a handful of dresses and being obligated to give her his opinion on each one. He wouldn't have minded that part so much, except every opinion he gave her seemed to be wrong. _'What do you think?' 'I don't like the colour.' 'Oh what do you know anyway!' _or '_Do you like this one?' 'It's too short.' 'Give it a rest! I'm not a nun!'_

Skulduggery sighed. What was it about shopping that turned women into mini Godzillas?

Valkyrie emerged from behind the curtain wearing a different dress. Skulduggery was so bored he didn't even look up.

"I think this may be the one." She sounded excited. "I really like this one. What do you think?"

Skulduggery rolled his eyes. The last eight dresses she had tried on had been '_the one'_.

"It's great."

"You didn't even look, Skulduggery."

"Do I need to?"

"Considering I'm looking for my wedding dress, yes you do."

Skulduggery made no effort to look at her. "Why couldn't your fiancé bring you today?"

"Fletcher is busy."

"I wish Tanith were still with us. Then she could do this."

"Yeah, well, Tanith is currently an evil remnant so I guess I'm stuck with you. Now look at me!"

He sighed and slowly lifted his head to look, his eyes slowly trailing over to her. And then he saw her. So incredibly, inhumanly, heart-breakingly beautiful. She was wearing a strapless corset which was made of a satin type fabric and it was adorned with thousands of tiny sparkly beads. The skirt was also made of the silky fabric and the beads from the bodice continued down onto it, but the further down you got the more the sparkles lessened, until you were at the floor where there were none at all. The dress was the traditional crystal white, and it looked stunning on her.

Skulduggery forgot how to speak so all he could do was stare with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open.

She did a little twirl for him. "Do you like it?"

"I... I... I..."

She sighed exasperated. "You hate this one too, don't you?"

"Um..."

"Fine. I'll go change."

"No!" Skulduggery jumped up and grabbed onto her hands. "No don't change. Don't change, Valkyrie. You look... well, you look beautiful."

Valkyrie's glare turned into a grin. "Really? You think I look beautiful?"

Skulduggery squeezed her hands. "Drop dead gorgeous. Pun not intended."

"Thank you, Skulduggery."

"Not a problem."

Skulduggery looked at her with compassionate eyes. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. He saw how her dark brown eyes sparkled despite how deep the shade was, and how they matched her long dark hair that tumbled over her shoulders and swept behind her back like a black veil. He saw how her hair and eyes were in contrast to her snowy white skin.

"Skulduggery?" She arched her eyebrows at him. "You can let go of my hands now."

Skulduggery was suddenly snapped out of his trance. He quickly let go of her hands and took a step back. "Right... sorry, I was... right..."

She laughed and shook her head, walking back into the changing room. "You're such a goon."

Skulduggery forced a laugh and when she was out of sight he sat back down. He asked himself _'What just happened?'_ but he was unable to answer. All he could think of was how stunning she looked and how lucky Fletcher Renn was for being able to marry her.

**I'm sorry it's shorter than what I usually do, they wont all be like that :)**

**I will put up part two as soon as possible. I would love to hear your thoughts :)**

**xoxo  
**


	38. Valduggery: The wedding, Part 2

**I apologise for the wait! I've been a busy bee - but not too much for you all :)**

**This is called ** **Valduggery: The wedding, Part 2 ... I hope you like it.**

**Also thank you for the reviews :) They always put a smile on my face :) - see?  
**

Skulduggery took Valkyrie back to Gordon's mansion and then retired himself back to Bespoke's Tailors. He pushed open the shop door making the bell ring. Ghastly came out from the back room and smiled when he saw his friend. Skulduggery sighed and practically collapsed back into an armchair. Ghastly sat down in the chair opposite him after changing the shop sign to 'closed'.

"Wow." Ghastly grinned. "Was it really _that_ bad?"

"She tried on every bloody dress, in every bloody shop."

Ghastly laughed. "Well of course she did. She was shopping for her _wedding dress._"

"I know. I know. The wedding dress is a sacred thing and must be absolutely perfect. I know."

"Did she find the right one?"

"Yeah, she looked stunning in it too." Skulduggery sighed again.

Ghastly frowned slightly. "So why are you unhappy?"

"I never said I was unhappy."

"You don't need to. We're best friends – I can tell when something is bothering you."

Skulduggery hesitated. "It's just that..."

"Yes?"

"I think I might be... might be... _thinking..._ about her a little too much."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Ever since I saw her in that dress I just..."

"Can't get her out of your head?"

"Exactly. And now you see my problem. I don't want to go getting feelings for her. Not now."

Ghastly leaned back into the chair and laced his fingers together, resting his double fist on his lap. "Have you ever considered that you may have had feelings for her long before now, but you never actually realised it until now?"

Skulduggery tilted his head, thoughtful for a moment. "I'm not sure. When I saw her in that dress... it was like I was seeing her for the first time. Like all the sudden the rest of the world slipped away and there was just her... that's a bad thing right? To feel about her so strongly when she is just days away from being married?"

"You can't help how you feel."

"I suppose."

"So now you tell her how you feel, yes?"

Skulduggery was taken aback by Ghastly's comment. "What? No!"

"No?"

"Yes, no."

"Yes, no?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"NO! Ghastly, I'm saying no!"

Ghastly frowned. "Why not?"

"Because I said so. Valkyrie loves Fletcher and that is that. They're getting married and they're going to live happily ever after, okay?"

"What about _your_ happily ever after?" Ghastly looked tenderly at his friend.

"I'm a skeleton. I don't get a happily ever after. When was the last time you heard a fairytale ending that said _and so_ _the princess rode off into the desert with her beloved skeleton detective?"_

"I'll admit, I've never hear that one before. But it doesn't mean it can't still happen."

Skulduggery sighed and shook his head. "I won't do that to Valkyrie. I'm not ruining her wedding day. She is in love with Fletcher – end of."

"Are you in love with her?"

"Don't start with me bespoke."

"Answer me, Skul."

"Ghastly, no."

"Skulduggery!"

"Fine!" Skulduggery stood up and threw his arms up into the air, letting them fall exasperated. "Fine! I'm in love with her! Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Yes." Ghastly nodded with a slight smile.

Skulduggery sat back down sulkily. "Now what do I do?"

Ghastly's smile broadened. "You tell her. Before it's too late."

**Well, that was part two. Part three soon to come!**

**I have a whole heap of romance to come so do not fret :)**

**xoxoxo  
**


	39. Valduggery: The wedding, Part 3

**This is Valduggery: The wedding, Part 3, and I hope you like it.**

**I'm sorry for the delay, I've been at the dentist having root canal and they put me on loopy drugs for that and so I've been out of it for a little while! :)**

**But now I'm back, and ready to go! :)**

**Enjoy 3  
**

Valkyrie's hands were trembling. She stood still as a statue in her beautiful dress, fear rooting her to the spot, as China was fussing over her. It didn't feel right with China helping her get ready. It should be Tanith here; doing her hair and helping her to put on her makeup. Still she appreciated China's help – even though she was pretty sure that China was upstaging her with her natural beauty.

"Valkyrie Cain, if you don't stop shaking, so help me God I will tie you to a chair."

She looked over at China. "Maybe that would be best. That way I couldn't possibly chicken out and run away."

"There's no way you're running anywhere in those heels."

Valkyrie grimaced as she remembered the six-inch, high-heeled shoes she was wearing. "Why couldn't I just wear my converse?"

China led Valkyrie over to the vanity table. "I'm not even going to dignify that question with an answer."

Valkyrie sat down and China began to do her makeup. Valkyrie didn't really like makeup. She didn't like the way is felt, sticking to her face, clogging her pores. However, she had agreed to let China do whatever she wanted to her face today. After a painstaking hour of applying makeup, China moved onto Valkyrie's hair. After another monotonous hour China was done.

"Okay." China smiled at Valkyrie, beckoning for her to get up and follow her. "Come and look at yourself in the mirror."

Sighing, Valkyrie stood up and followed China. She stopped in front of the mirror and forced herself to look at her reflection. She gasped. She girl in the mirror was beautiful. The girl in the mirror was so unbelievably angelic and gorgeous that Valkyrie's jaw dropped open. Her makeup had been done to enhance her natural beauty by giving her smoky eyes and big, red, luscious lips. Her dark hair had been elegantly pinned up and it had two curls either side of her face dropping down, looking chic.

"Is... is that me?" She stuttered.

China grinned at her expression. "Of course it is. I've done well, have I not?"

"China... you've done... brilliantly."

"I know."

"You've almost made me forget how nervous I am."

"I guess I was just born brilliant."

Valkyrie's natural instinct was to hug China for her kindness, but she knew that China really wasn't the _hugging_ type of person, so she just smiled gratefully. "I've never felt so beautiful before. Thank you."

"Well, I must say, I _have_ outdone myself. Fletcher is going to have to keep a close eye on you. I can just see someone whisking you away at the last minute."

Valkyrie laughed. "I doubt that will happen."

China didn't seem to hear her, she just continued her chattering. "He'll especially need to keep an eye on that detective of yours."

Valkyrie stopped smiling. "Skulduggery? What's Skulduggery got to do with this?"

China's smile grew even broader. "Oh come now, you can't honestly tell me that you haven't noticed how he acts around you.

"He acts like himself around me." She countered.

"Exactly." China nodded. "He feels like he can let his guard down around you. With everyone else there is always that hint of suspicion in his body language – like he is never fully at ease. But around you, he is just so... comfortable."

"Well of course he is, we're friends."

"Are you now?" China raised one eyebrow.

"Yes we are!"

"Haven't you ever noticed how he stares at you?"

"Kind of hard when he's got no eyes."

"You know what I mean."

Valkyrie shook her head. This conversation was all too weird. "No I sincerely don't, China."

"Have you not noticed the way he always stands so close to you?"

"He doesn't stand _that_ close to me."

"What about the way he says your name? He says it with the softest, velvet voice."

Valkyrie pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. "He talks to _everyone_ with a velvet voice – because that's the way he speaks naturally."

China stepped towards Valkyrie. She put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "What about the way he touches you? Haven't you noticed how he has the gentlest of touches with you? He touches his fingertips to your face like you are the most delicate, fragile, beautiful thing he's ever seen. When he holds you hand he laces his fingers with yours like he never intends to let go of you. When he hugs you he not only embraces you with immense tenderness, but with a fierce protection – like he never intends to let anyone ever harm a pretty little hair on your pretty little head. Surely you've noticed that?"

Valkyrie stared at china, mouth agape. She didn't know what to say. China was right. Skulduggery _did_ do that. She hadn't noticed it, or even thought anything of it until now. Did that mean that he liked her? _Really_ like her? More than a _friend_? She was suddenly hit by a wave of hysteria. She had to sit down.

A frantic laugh escaped her lips. "You're... you're... so right. He... he does like me, doesn't he?"

China smiled smugly. "And the penny finally drops."

"I don't know what to say. What am I supposed to say to that, China? On my _wedding _day?"

"Just say how you feel."

"I don't know how I feel. Not anymore. I'm... confused."

"You love him too, don't you?"

"Yes I... wait! What?"

China sat down beside her. "There is no shame in it, dear."

"I can't love Skulduggery! I love Fletcher!"

"Do you really?"

Valkyrie frowned. "Of course I do!"

"Are you sure?" China arched an eyebrow.

"What? I... I... yes! Yes! Of course! I'm sure of it! I'm totally sure! I love... Fletcher."

China spoke in the gentlest voice Valkyrie had ever heard her use before. "Are you really sure? It's not too late you know."

Valkyrie held her gaze for five seconds before she crumbled and she let her head drop into her hands. "I don't know anymore China. I just don't know."

**Part 4 will be up soon, and I'm hoping you will love it :)**

**What do you think is going to happen then? :) heh heh :P**

**Thanks for the reviews by the way guys :) I love them 3**

**xoxoxoxoxo  
**


	40. Valduggery: The wedding, Part 4

**This is part 4 of Valduggery: The wedding, Part 4 - and it's most definitely not the last part. This ones turning out to be a big one! :P**

**I have included the valduggery romance that we all love, so I hope you like it :D  
**

China and Valkyrie's conversation was cut short when there was a gentle knocking on the door.

"Hello?" Came Skulduggery's voice from the other side. "Girls? Can I come in?"

Valkyrie's head snapped up towards the door. Her heart started beating irrationally fast. "Um... just a second."

China stood and pulled Valkyrie to her feet. "Tell him how you feel." China said in a hushed tone.

"What? No. I only like him as a friend."

"So why are you shaking?"

"I... I'm just cold. That's all."

"Then why are your palms sweating?"

"My hands are hot..." She said slowly.

China sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You are impossible."

"Thanks, that's my best quality."

There was another knock. "Girls?" Skulduggery repeated.

"Coming, Skul!" Valkyrie called. She turned her attention back onto China. "Okay, look. Maybe I _do_ like him. But this is _my_ wedding day, and I will deal with this in _my_ way. Now leave."

Valkyrie ushered China to the door. China opened the door and stepped out. "Fine. I guess I'll see you on the aisle." And then she was gone.

Seconds later, Skulduggery poked his head around the door. "Valkyrie?"

"You can come in, I'm decent."

Skulduggery stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He looked at Valkyrie in her wedding dress for the second time. She looked even more beautiful than the last time – if that were even possible. His thoughts scrambled.

"Valkyrie you look more than decent, you look... stunning."

She cracked a smile. "Thank you. You look pretty dapper yourself."

He shrugged, knowing full well how smart he looked in his tux. "I try."

There was a silence. Valkyrie spoke first. "So how many people are there downstairs? Have they packed out Gordon's garden yet?"

"Completely. They're all here to see you in your gorgeous dress. Your parents are here so before we go downstairs I'll have to put on my façade. Your dad has already found the buffet table."

She laughed a little nervously. "Lots of people? Oh God."

Skulduggery walked over to her. "Don't be anxious. As long as you have your four somethings you'll be fine. Something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue."

She nodded. "I have my old necklace from years ago, the dress itself is new, I've borrowed these shoes from China..." She hitched up her skirt and flashed a blue garter around her thigh. "And this is my something blue." She let the dress drop.

Skulduggery was stunned. He's just seen her thigh. Nothing _too_ big or even _remotely_ raunchy in today times, but it had seemed to stump him all the same. Valkyrie however was oblivious to this.

"Skulduggery, hello?" She waved a hand in front of his skull. "Earth to skeleton detective?"

He immediately snapped out of it. "Sorry."

"What's wrong?"

"I was... thinking..."

"What about?"

"Well... Your something blue."

"What about it?"

"I kind of bought you my own. Call it an early wedding present, if you will."

Valkyrie grinned. "You got me a present?"

"I did."

"Gimmie!" She held out her hand.

He laughed. "Close your eyes."

She did as she was told and squeezed her eyes shut. Skulduggery waved his gloved hand in front of her face to make sure she wasn't peeking. Once satisfied she couldn't see anything, he took the jewellery box out of his pocket, and from that took out a dainty silver bracelet that had a small, blue sapphire on it as a charm. He brought it to her wrist and fastened it. As soon as Valkyrie felt the cold chain around her wrist she opened her eyes. A gasp escaped her lips. Skulduggery didn't take his hands away when he had done putting it on her.

"Do you like it?" He asked.

"I love it, Skul. It's beautiful."

He spoke softly. "Much like the girl who is wearing it."

Valkyrie noticed how his hand still lingered around hers, fingertips still touching. Slowly he laced his fingers with hers. He gradually reached her hand up to his skull. With his free hand he activated his façade and tenderly kissed her fingertips.

"Valkyrie..." He murmured, closing his eyes.

She took a step closer to him and let her other hand close around his other free hand. He pulled her even closer to him.

"My Valkyrie..." He whispered, still not opening his eyes.

He buried his face against her neck. "Beautiful, lovely, Valkyrie..."

She didn't know what to say. She too closed her eyes, and sighed. "Courageous, kind, Skulduggery..."

One of his hands found the small of her back and the other one stayed connected with hers. Valkyrie's free hand trailed up to his chest where it rested happily against his torso. He sighed and brushed his lips against her neck. He sighed again in defeat. He was giving into her – he could feel it, and she was doing the same. He brought his lips round to her face and they stopped only a mere few centimetres away from her own lips.

"Valkyrie..." He repeated again, letting his velvety voice caress her name.

She exhaled and her sweet breath washed over his face. His hand in the small of her back became more urgent, pulling her even more impossibly closer.

Then there was a knock on the door.

Valkyrie went to pull away, but Skulduggery held her there – not viciously or forcefully, just pleadingly. "Leave it. Please just leave it." He whispered, his tone agonised.

"I can't." She whispered back, her voice equally as anguished.

He sighed and loosened his grip on her, finally opening his eyes as she gently pulled away. She walked to the door and smiled shakily as Erksine Ravel greeted her. "Valkyrie, you look gorgeous."

"Thank you." She smiled, trying to keep the guilt out of her tone.

"Are you ready?" He poked his head around the door. "Oh, hey, Skul."

"Erksine." Skulduggery nodded in greeting.

Valkyrie didn't answer his question she just stared at him. Was she ready for this? Was she honestly, truly ready?

"Valkyrie?" Erksine interrupted her thoughts. "Did you hear me? I asked, are you ready?"

Valkyrie looked back at Skulduggery, longingly. "Yes." She said, before turning to face Erksine again. "I'm... ready."

**Part five will be up soon :)**

**How are you liking it so far?**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews :D**

**xoxoxo  
**


	41. Valduggery: The wedding, Part 5

**Valduggery: The wedding, Part 5**

**Here is another part in the story - still not the last part! I'm really enjoying writing this and I'm glad you're enjoying reading it :)**

**Thanks :')  
**

Valkyrie followed Erksine down the grand staircase, her heart thumping loud in her chest. Skulduggery was right behind her with his façade still on. They reached the bottom and Erksine turned to them.

"Right, I'm going to take my seat. Skulduggery, are you to take your place as best man?"

Skulduggery tore his gaze away from Valkyrie who was purposefully not looking at him. "Yes, um... I'll be there in a second."

"Don't be long."

"Don't worry, I won't."

Erksine smiled at Valkyrie. "Don't be nervous, sweetheart. You've got a great guy waiting out there for you."

"Thank you." Valkyrie smiled weakly.

Erksine grinned. "See you out there."

He spun on his heel and headed for the back door. Valkyrie went to follow but Skulduggery grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him. She could have cried she felt so awful. She bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling.

"We need to talk." Skulduggery said softly. "Before it's too late."

Valkyrie didn't trust her voice; she knew it would give her away, so she shook her head.

"Please?" He asked, using his big brown eyes to try and soften her up.

She shook her head again, eyes squeezed shut. Sighing, Skulduggery placed both hands either side of her face and he leaned in close to her.

"Valkyrie, look at me."

"No." She mumbled.

Skulduggery could feel her tears rolling over his thumbs as they fell. "Please look at me" he begged.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because if I do I might not go through with this. I might not marry Fletcher."

"Then please just look at me."

She choked on her own words. She couldn't bear to speak to him so she pulled back, turning away from him. She wiped her cheeks dry with the back of her hand. "You're the best man, Skulduggery. Please just stick to your role and I'll stick to mine."

"But Valkyrie–"

"Please." She was pleading with him now. "Pleas just let me marry Fletcher."

"But you don't want that, Val. I know you don't."

"So what? I have to do the right thing. I have to marry him today."

"Why?" He asked gently. "Because you said you would? Valkyrie, you're still allowed to change your mind."

She laughed dryly. "How many stories have you heard where the ending says _and so the blushing bride left her groom at the aisle to run off with the best man_?"

"I always felt that Cinderella needed a re-write."When she didn't reply he regretted his joke. "Please just... don't go through with this." He was near to grovelling.

She looked over her shoulder at him with tearful eyes. "Like I said, you stick to your role and I'll stick to mine. Now if you don't mind, I have to go play the bride."

She looked away from him and strode out of the room. She saw China in the next room by the closed back door. She saw Valkyrie coming and frowned.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing." Valkyrie lied. "I'm just excited."

"Excuse me." Skulduggery marched into the room. He pushed past the girls and out of the back door, closing it again behind him.

China's frown deepened. "What's wrong with _him_?"

Valkyrie shrugged. "I don't know. I don't care. Please can we just get this show on the road?"

China nodded. She opened the door and poked her head around, whistling at the band. They started to play 'Here comes the bride' and that was when China opened the door fully. Valkyrie was looking directly down the aisle which was a long white walkway against the lush green grass. It was a nice day today. There were rows of people either side sitting on wicker seats. They all turned round to look at her. There was an archway at the end of the isle adorned with white roses and standing under it was Fletcher, beaming at her. To his right was Skulduggery, who was gazing at her with pained eyes.

"Go!" China whispered, nudging her in the back.

Valkyrie saw her dad waiting for her at the end of the aisle, with his arm ready. With shaky legs, Valkyrie walked over to him.

"You look beautiful." He grinned at her.

"Thanks, dad."

China went down the aisle first, attaining _oohs_ and _ahhs_ from the spectators, as she glided past them in her gorgeous blue bridesmaid dress. Valkyrie and her dad slowly followed. She looked at the man she was supposed to marry, saw how he was almost bursting with pride.

She stopped when she was level with him, her dad kissing her on the cheek before taking his seat.

"You're more gorgeous than I could ever have dreamed, Val." Fletcher said quietly as he took her hands.

Again, she didn't trust her voice, so she just nodded and smiled weakly.

The Vicar's voice rang out loudly, cutting all the conversation in the garden. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today–"

"I'm sorry!" Valkyrie blurted out.

Everyone looked at her in bewilderment.

"Valkyrie?" Fletcher looked at her anxiously.

"I'm sorry!" She repeated hysterically, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry I... I can't–"

She was cut short by a loud crash behind her. Everyone looked around and gasped when they saw what had caused it. Some screamed, others jumped to their feet prepared to fight. Valkyrie just stared. She stared at the pretty blonde lady with the muscular arms wearing an elegant black dress, carrying a sword.

"What's the big idea, Val? You didn't invite me to your big day?" Tanith Low grinned at them all.

**There is still more to come, but I hope you like what I've written so far :)**

**Part 6 will be up asap :D**

**Than you muchly m'dears :)**

**xoxoxoxo  
**


	42. Valduggery: The wedding, Part 6

**Here we are! Valduggery: The wedding, Part 6!**

**I'm sorry for the hugeness of it! Can you believe this still isn't the end! I was going to make this the final part but it just started getting so long I had to split it into two! So one more part to go! :)**

**Unfortunately I have some bad news - well for me anyway, not you. I wasn't one of the people who Derek picked. I was really disappointed, but better luck next time right? :) And well done to those who did get picked :) You were marvelous!  
**

**Well, enjoy :)  
**

Tanith grinned at Valkyrie. "What's the prob, Val? You look like you've seen a ghost!" She began to stride down the aisle slowly, toward Valkyrie. "Can't a girl show up at her best friend's wedding day? Oh that's right – of course I can't! Because I didn't get an invite did I? What was the deal with that anyway, Val? Did I say something to step on your toes?"

Valkyrie glared at Tanith and felt conflicted. She loved her best friend more than she could ever describe. However she hated the remnant inside her and what it had done to her. She couldn't bring herself to say anything. Tanith laughed at her silence and kept her steady advance towards her. When she was only about a meter away from Valkyrie, Skulduggery and Fletcher stood in front of her.

"Leave. Now." Skulduggery growled at her, aiming his gun at her head.

"You heard him." Fletcher added, face contorted in rage. "Get out of her and leave my bride alone."

Tanith took a step closer. "Calm down boys. Skulduggery put your toy away, you wouldn't dare shoot me."

"Oh really?" Skulduggery thumbed the safety off. "Try me."

Ghastly's head snapped over to Skulduggery's direction. "Are you _crazy_?"

Skulduggery – who was still wearing his façade – didn't take his eyes off Tanith. "Ghastly this is neither the time nor the place."

Ghastly marcher over to where he was standing. He positioned himself between Skulduggery's gun and Tanith.

"Ghastly," Skulduggery sighed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not going to let you shoot her."

"She is a remnant."

"She is also the woman I love."

"She has the _mind_ of a _remnant_."

"Inside the _body_ of _Tanith._ I can't let you kill what is essentially her."

Skulduggery's expression was hard for a few seconds, then it softened. He slowly lowered his gun. "Fine. I won't shoot her, Ghastly. You can move away."

"Thank you." Ghastly said tensely, stepping aside.

At that precise moment Skulduggery sent a wall of air slamming into Tanith. She was sent flying off her feet and she slammed into the side of the house. He used the air to keep her pushed against the wall. The mortals present gasped.

"Hey!" Ghastly yelled, infuriated.

"Skulduggery!" China snapped. "Civilians!"

Skulduggery suddenly realised his huge error and grimaced, but still didn't stop his hold on Tanith. He saw Valkyrie's family members gawping in astonishment.

"Stephenie... what's going on?" Valkyrie's dad stood up looking over to her.

Valkyrie suddenly snapped out of it. She looked over at her parents. "Mum, dad, please can you take all of our family and friends and leave? Please?"

"Steph, I don't understand." Her mum spoke in a worried tone.

Valkyrie looked at them, her eyes desperate and pleading. "I need you to trust me. Please, please just trust me."

"But..."

"PLEASE?"

"Fine." Her mother sighed.

"Fletcher." Valkyrie looked at him. "Get everyone mortal out of here, now."

He frowned "All together?"

"Yes. I'll use she shadows to connect them."

"Gotcha. Right, go ahead."

Valkyrie felt the ring, cold and menacing on her finger. She closed her eyes and focused on the electric energy that flowed through her. She began to draw shadows out from the corners of the garden where the sunlight couldn't reach. She dragged them to the centre of the grounds and weaved them through the alarmed mortals in the crowd, a shadowy tendril latching onto each and every civilian. The process was difficult and painful. Sweat beaded on her brow.

"I'm ready." She said through gritted teeth.

Fletcher placed a hand on her shoulder without haste. In the blink of an eye they were standing in Valkyrie's parent's back yard. The civilians blinked dazed. Some of the yelped with surprise, others were sick, some even fainted.

"Please stay here and don't go anywhere until I get back. And don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Valkyrie called over to her parents.

Fletcher put a hand on her shoulder and they were gone in an instant before her parents could protest. Suddenly they were back at Gordon's mansion. Skulduggery saw her appear out of thin air and he ran over to her, the façade's eyes filled with concern.

"Valkyrie." He breathed.

"I'm fine." She assured him. "So are the others. Where is Tanith?"

Skulduggery nodded over to where Ghastly was standing. He had a protective stance as Tanith stood behind him, almost delirious with how easy this was turning out for her. The other sorcerers were crowded around them, eyes blazing with hatred.

Valkyrie broke into a run, Skulduggery and Fletcher behind her. She reached the crowd and elbowed the mages out of the way. She broke into the circle of the crowd and stared at Ghastly.

"I won't let you hurt her." Ghastly said in a dangerously intimidating tone. "I don't care whether or not she's being possessed by a remnant, somewhere deep inside of her there is the real Tanith... _my_ Tanith."

Skulduggery stood beside Valkyrie. "Ghastly... Tanith is gone... she's just an empty shell with a remnant inside her now."

Ghastly looked like he might burst into tears at any moment. "You wouldn't be saying that if it were your wife, Skulduggery! What if it was your Larissa that was possessed by a remnant? Would you be so eager to destroy her then?"

Skulduggery went rigid at the sharpness of Ghastly's words. He spoke in a strangled tone. "Larissa is already dead, Ghastly."

"Fine then! What if it was Valkyrie who was possessed? Would you shoot her? Would you look into her eyes, put all your feelings aside and shoot her?"

"Ghastly..."

"No! Answer me, Skul! Would you kill her? Would you kill the person you loved most in this world? Because I sure wouldn't! No matter what she had become!"

"GHASTLY!" He roared.

"What?" Fletcher pushed past the angry mob to glare at Skulduggery.

Tanith laughed and shoved Ghastly out of her way with tremendous force. He fell to the ground, panicking as the other mages began to advance. However his panic rose when Tanith rested the blade of her sword against his throat, pinning him to the ground. Ghastly suspected as much, though. He still loved her for the person she used to be – but she was still a remnant and therefore incapable of having any real feelings towards him. The mob froze as soon as the sword touched his skin.

"If anyone moves, I'll kill him!" Tanith snapped. "I don't care that he was protecting me from you just a second ago, I really will kill him in cold blood!"

"Why are you here, Tanith?" Valkyrie called over the angry mumbles of the crowd. "If you're not here to kill me, then why _are _you here?"

"I wanted to come and visit you on your special day, hon."

"Try again."

"I was jealous that China got to be your bridesmaid."

"I'm fed up of this game now."

She laughed. "Fine. Val, do you remember that promise I made to you the last time you saw me? About four years ago?"

"You said you would keep pushing me until I turned into... well, you know."

"And that's exactly what I'm doing."

"By ruining my wedding day?"

"No. Well, yes I suppose. But my original plan was to go after the boy and kill him, which would drive you so mad with rage at the loss of your true love, you would... turn."

"Right. Carry on."

"However, I'm not so sure about that now. It seems you don't care for the boy as much as you used to."

"Of course I do. Don't be ridiculous. I'm marrying him today aren't I?"

"Are you, Val? Are you _really?"_

"Yes."

"So what was that you were going to say before I gate crashed?"

Valkyrie went white as a sheet. "I don't know what you're talking about." She stuttered.

"Oh you _so_ do."

Fletcher's eyes widened as the penny dropped. He turned to Valkyrie. "Yes... what _were_ you going to say?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

"I hardly think is the neither the time nor place for couple's counselling, Fletcher."

"I want an answer."

"Tough." Valkyrie turned her attention back to Tanith. "So now what happens? You're nasty little plan has been foiled. Now what are you going to do?"

She smiled. "I guess I'm out of here."

"Over my dead body." Valkyrie took a step closer to her.

Tanith pushed the blade a little harder against Ghastly's neck. "No, no. Don't do that. You would hate to see me kill your friend now, wouldn't you?"

Valkyrie faltered and stumbled back.

"Good girl." Tanith smiled. She pulled her mobile out from her pocket and dialled for someone's number. She had to wait briefly for an answer. "Hello? Hey, baby. I need to be picked up... no it kind of backfired... no she's in love with the skeleton now or something... I know, right? Okay, see you real soon."

As soon as she hung up the phone the ground next to her started to rumble. Billy-Ray Sanguine rose from the ground, smiling at the spectators.

"Sanguine." Skulduggery growled.

"Relax, funnybones! I aint 'ere to hurt nobody! I'm just 'ere to pick up my lady." Sanguine wrapped an arm around Tanith's waist.

"Oh dear God." Ghastly muttered.

"Bye, Val." Tanith grinned. "I didn't succeed this time, but I will in the future. I'll be back to push you in the right direction soon. You look gorgeous, by the way."

They both sunk back into the ground, Sanguine blowing Valkyrie a kiss before they disappeared completely. And then they were gone. The angry mob relaxed a little, all apart from Skulduggery, Ghastly, Fletcher and Valkyrie.

"Valkyrie..." Fletcher said through gritted teeth. "What the hell was that all about?"

**Sorry to stop it there! Just one more bit to go :D**

**xoxoxo  
**


	43. Valduggery: The wedding, Part 7

**Here it is! The last part of Valduggery: The wedding! :)**

**I sincerely hope you have been liking the 7-part story as it's been going, and I hope you like its ending :)**

**Here is Valduggery: The wedding, Part 7,**

**Enjoy :)**

Fletcher repeated his question. "I said, what the hell was that all about?"

Valkyrie stared at Fletcher. "I don't know, Fletch. She has it in for me I guess. I have no idea what she meant by _turn me _- I swear."

"That's not what I meant, Val, and you know it. I meant, what was she getting at about _you_ and what you were about to say before she arrived."

"Fletcher..."

"You were saying '_I can't'_. You can't _what_, Valkyrie? What can't you do?" His tone was becoming acidic.

Valkyrie felt helpless. What was she supposed to say? She tried to think of the right words, but they wouldn't come to her. "Please don't get mad." She said quietly.

"DON'T GET MAD?" He screamed. "VALKYRIE, I'M FUMING!"

"But–"

"BUT NOTHING! YOU WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE ME AT THE ALTER? YOU WERE WEREN'Y YOU?" His shouting had gotten go loud it was starting to hurt his throat. "YOU WERE PLAYING ME FOR A FOOL THE WHOLE TIME? IS THAT IT?"

"Stop yelling at me." Valkyrie said holding back the tears. "You're right I was, and I'm sorry. I just... fell out of love with you."

"OH, BECAUSE THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH BETTER!"

She couldn't help it, the tears started to fall. "I said I was sorry!" She yelled back. "I can't force myself to love you! Not when I'm in love with someone else!"

Fletchers face contorted with rage and jealousy. He slowly turned his gaze upon Skulduggery. "You!" He growled.

China gulped. This was something that should be going on without spectators. She cleared her throat. "Unless your name is Valkyrie, Fletcher or Skulduggery, get inside the house now." There were disgruntled grumbles from the crowd. "I SAID NOW!" She snapped.

The crowd reluctantly did as they were told and they shuffled inside the mansion, China ushering them to go faster. She herself went inside also, leaving just Valkyrie, Fletcher and Skulduggery on their own, outside.

"You!" Fletcher repeated, pointing an accusing finger at Skulduggery. "You've stolen her from me!"

Skulduggery shook his head, making his shaggy brown hair ripple slightly. "This isn't what it looks like."

"Oh really? Because it looks like you're stealing my bride from me on my wedding day."

"I haven't stolen anyone."

"But you were about to weren't you? I bet you were just waiting for my back to turn and then you'd swoop in and snatch her! You make me sick! You make me sick to my stomach, skeleton!"

Valkyrie tried to stop the tears that flowed freely down her cheeks and splattered onto her dress, for long enough to speak. "Fletcher, please–"

"Do you love her?" Fletcher asked him suddenly. "Ghastly said you love her. Do you?"

"No." Skulduggery said, face unchanging. "I am _in_ love with her."

Fletcher snarled and lunged for the detective. They collided and crashed to the ground. The men began to wrestle and grapple on the grass, firing punches at each other, each one wishing for the others complete and utter annihilation.

"STOP!" Valkyrie screamed, running over to them. "STOP IT! PLEASE!"

She grabbed onto Fletcher's tux collar and wrenched him off of Skulduggery. Skulduggery was on his feet in an instant. Both men were still in a battle stance with each other. Valkyrie positioned herself in between them.

"Please stop it! I can't bear to see you hurt each other! Please, just stop it!"

Slowly each man relaxed into a less tense pose. Suddenly Fletcher broke down. All his anger had evaporated and all he was left with was sorrow. Tears began to stream down his cheeks and he covered his face with his hands.

"Oh, Fletcher." Valkyrie sighed, rushing over to him.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly, letting him rest his head on her shoulder. He cried against her skin, huge sobs ripping from his chest, making his entire frame shake.

"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! Please forgive me, Fletch! I'm so sorry." She tried to sooth him.

"You're in love with him too, Val." He said in a weak tone. "I know you are. I can tell."

She sighed. "I am. I love him so much, Fletch, and I'm so sorry for putting you through this."

He began to cry even harder. "I don't want to lose you, Val. You might not love me anymore, but I still love you."

"I know you do."

"I don't want you to leave me, Val. Please don't leave me. Please."

Valkyrie began to cry too. She rested her head against his and let her tears fall against his hair. "I can't stay, Fletch. You have to understand that. I can't stay with you. I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything for a while. He suddenly pulled away from her. His eyes were red and puffy, wet tears still clung to his pale cheeks. He looked at her, longingly.

"You're all I've ever wanted, Val." He said in a barely audible voice. "From the moment I first saw you, I knew I wanted nothing more than you in my life. I didn't care whether the Faceless Ones came back, or whether Scarab was planning to blow up Croke Park... I just knew that I needed you, and that if I couldn't have you, I'd just... die."

"Fletcher." Valkyrie said, tone choked. "Please, stop."

But he continued. "And then we kissed, Val. It was like magic. It was more magical than any of the sorcerer's powers in the world. I knew right then that I was the luckiest guy in the world because I had you as my girlfriend."

"Please." Valkyrie begged. "Don't say anything more."

"But that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to make you permanently mine, Val. I knew that I had to have you as my bride. We could have gotten married, and honeymooned in the Caribbean. We could have lived in Gordon's mansion together. We could even of had kids together, Val. I've always wanted a little girl – did you know that?" Fletcher's tears became unstoppable.

"I can't take this, Fletch." Valkyrie sobbed desperately.

"You were always everything to me, Valkyrie Cain. I'm just sorry I couldn't be the same to you."

And then he was gone. He disappeared into thin air. Valkyrie couldn't help the cry of pain that escaped her lips. She went to crumple to the ground, but suddenly there were strong hands on her hips, holding her up. Skulduggery turned Valkyrie round to face him and she cried into his chest.

"It's okay." He soothed, gently stroking her hair. "You let him go. You did the right thing. It's okay, Valkyrie."

"I've hurt him so much, Skulduggery. I'm a horrible person."

He held her closer to him, tightening his grip around her. "No you are not. You are Valkyrie Cain. _My _Valkyrie Cain."

"No I'm not. I'm Darquesse."

"You are not Darquesse. You are you."

"And who exactly is that?" She spoke in between sobs. "I don't even know who I am anymore."

Skulduggery put a gloved finger under her chin and tilted her head up so that she had to look at him. "I've already told you. You are Valkyrie Cain. The Valkyrie Cain that I am madly in love with."

Her eyes widened. "You really _are_ in love with me?"

"Oh, Val."He murmured.

He leaned his face down to hers. He brushed away the tears on her cheeks with his lips, moving with the most gentlest of movements. One on his hand found the small of her back and he pressed her close against him. His other hand cradled her face, his thumb stroking her cheek. One of Valkyrie's greedy hands made their way around his neck and the other rested lightly against his torso.

"You don't know how long I've waited for you." He murmured into her hair.

"You don't have to wait for me anymore. I'm right here." She breathed.

"I've had to sit back and watch Fletcher have you all to himself for so long."

"Well I'm all yours now."

"For years I've wondered what it would be like to kiss you."

Valkyrie whispered next to his ear. "Then please just do it."

Skulduggery exhaled against her cheek, sending tingles all over her skin, before resting her head against the base of her throat. He could vaguely hear her heart beating. He started to kiss her collar bone, making Valkyrie's breathing quicken. Her hands knotted in the back of his hair. He began to trail delicate kisses up her neck to her jaw line.

"This is so much better than I ever imagined it would be." He murmured against her warm skin.

He continued to trail kisses up until he was almost at her lips. Slowly he pressed his lips against hers and parted them. He bit her bottom lip gently and tugged at it slightly. He pressed his lips against hers with more force, his need to kiss her becoming more urgent. Their lips melted together until it was impossible to decipher where one pair of lips started and where the other pair ended. They were so close to each other that they were more like one person than two. Eventually Valkyrie had to pull away and gasp for air.

"Sorry." Skulduggery panted. "I got... a little... carried away."

"Its... okay." She huffed in response.

They were still in the close embrace, just getting their breath back.

"So, now what happens?" Valkyrie asked when she was able to speak again.

Skulduggery smiled at her and brushed a strand of hair off her face. "Now is the moment when the story finally says, _and so the skeleton detective and his beautiful runaway bride live happily ever after."_

Valkyrie grinned at him. "I like that part."

"Me too." He whispered and pulled her back into the kiss, their lips melting together once again.

**So, they're together - finally! After all that drama! I hope you liked it.**

**Now, m'dears, I need you help! I don't know what to write about in my next update. I'm open to story suggestions :)**

**I will update soon :)**

**Thank you xoxoxo  
**


	44. Valduggery: The villain inside the Hero

**This story is called, Valduggery: The Villain Inside The hero**

**Now, I wrote this story with an amazing Fanfic authour here, called Harmony-Rose Temptaion. If you haven't read her stuff I strongly suggest you do! She writes beautifully and her Valduggery's are beyond compare! She came to me with the idea of writing a joint story and I loved it! I'm really happy with what we ended up with :')**

**This story is also on her account, so check it out if you like :)  
**

**I have noted who wrote which bit, so you can identify Harnomy's amazing writing, and I am sure you will love it as much as I do!**

**

* * *

**

**From Sabrina Sparrow's Mind:**

Valkyrie got out of the Bentley. She crouched and looked through the window at Skulduggery. She smiled. "Thanks for driving me home, Skul. I appreciate it."

His smile was in his tone. "Don't mention it. You know I'm always here to help."

She was grinning at him now. "I like having you at my beck and call. It makes me feel all important."

If he had eyes, he would have rolled them. "Yeah, yeah. Get over yourself, Miss Cain."

She laughed. "I can't believe you just said that to me. _You_. The most self-obsessed person on the planet!"

"Whatever you say! Just get inside, it's cold out."

"Okay, Skul. Thanks again."

"Like I said, don't mention it."

She smiled at him one last time before turning on her heel and walking up to her front door. Skulduggery watched her, to make sure she got in safely, and once she did he put his foot down and began to floor it down the road.

His own hatred began to bubble up inside of him. His hatred from hundreds of years ago, from all the people who had ever crossed him, filled every corner of his mind. He never forgot his Hatred for Serpine, and the Baron, and Lord Vile, even though they weren't worth thinking about. Every time he was alone his mind would start racing, and he'd start to feel his pain and sorrow from many years ago, but mostly he felt his anger.

Of course he never let Valkyrie see his anger, and of course why would he? When he was around her all his rage disappeared. When he was around Valkyrie the hero in him came out. All he cared about was protecting her and making her happy. However, now he was on his own, and he rage bubbled up again, turning him back into the villain.

He pulled into his driveway and parked up. He aggressively kicked the car door open and stormed out. He marched over to his front door and almost exploded with animalistic fury when he saw a man standing on his doorstep. It was Greg, the postman.

Skulduggery activated his façade and strode up to Greg. Greg turned round to him and smiled warmly – the poor guy was so unaware of how much pain he was about to be in. Skulduggery couldn't help it. He had all this rage wound up so tightly inside him he had to let it out.

He grabbed Greg by the collar and punched him square in the jaw. Greg let out a surprised yelp as his head snapped back and he saw stars. He tried to squirm out of Skulduggery's grip but it was impossible. Skulduggery punched him again and again and again, unable to stop himself. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to be the bad guy – but he wasn't in control anymore.

Then he heard a voice. _Her_ voice. He heard her voice and all his anger faded immediately.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie screamed from behind him. "What the hell are you doing to that poor mortal?"

**From Harmony-Rose Temptation's mind:**

Skulduggery dropped the unconscious postman and stood still. He was frozen to  
the spot.

Valkyrie marched up to him and punched his shoulder. "What had he done to you  
to deserve a beating? Huh? Nothing. That's what. All he did was post your mail  
through the door!"

"Valkyrie, listen…" Skulduggery was interrupted before he could say  
anymore.

"No! You listen. You can't just go round beating up postmen at your own free  
will. Or worse, what if one day you get wound up and start beating up your  
friends or even me Skulduggery." She fought off the urge to cry.

"I would never hurt you." He put his hands on her shoulders and bent down to  
her level. "You know that."

"Yes, I do but what if you did? What if you lost control? What if you couldn't  
help yourself?" The tears started to fall. "What if you killed me  
Skulduggery?" She whispered hoarsely.

"But I wouldn't Valkyrie. Even if I did, I would kill myself for actually even  
harming you." He pulled her into a hug but she pulled away.

"I… I don't want to take that risk though Skulduggery." Valkyrie turned  
quickly and ran down the driveway and rounded the corner.

Skulduggery never took his eyes from the corner. What have I done? He thought.  
I've lost the only person who has ever trusted me in years. She's never going  
to trust me again.

He stepped over Greg and headed inside. He threw his hat and coat onto a table  
and sat down. His head dropped into his hands.

Skulduggery's head shot up as he heard Valkyrie's laughter. "Dammit" He  
shouted. It was only his phone ring tone. He had recorded when he and Valkyrie  
were training at the beach which just turned into playful fighting. He loved  
the sound of her laughter.

"Hello?" His tone was flat and no longer had his usual velvety sound to it.

**From Sabrina Sparrow's Mind:**

"Hello? Skulduggery."

Skulduggery sighed. "Hello, Fletcher."

"Valkyrie rang me and asked if I could call you."

"Oh did she now?"

"Yeah, she said there was an unconscious man outside your door and that she needs me to come and get him and take him to Kenspeckle."

"Right. Okay then. So why are you running this by me?"

"She said she didn't know the best course of action to take. He might remember what happened and well, you know... freak out."

"Oh." Skulduggery grumbled. "Um, well take him to Kenspeckle, have him sedate the man and fix his injuries, wipe his memory, then take him to a bar and leave him asleep outside the door. Splash some rum on his shirt, and when he wakes up he will think he got drunk and won't be any the wiser."

There was a long pause at the other end of the line. "O...kay..." Fletcher said a little uncertainly.

Skulduggery sighed. "Just get it done, boy. And don't bother disrupting me when you arrive, I don't feel like talking to anyone."

"Um... sure, Skul. Okay."

"Good."

"Are... are you okay, mate?"

"Peachy." Skulduggery grunted.

"It's just that Val sounded really upset. It kind of sounded like she had been crying. Have you two fallen out of something?"

Skulduggery suddenly felt like the worst living being on the planet. He hated the idea that he was responsible for her tears. "Mind your business, Fletcher, please."

When Fletcher spoke he sounded a little hurt. "Oh... um, yeah sure, okay. So, I'll take care of the unconscious man now then."

"See to it that you do."

Skulduggery was about to hang up when Fletcher suddenly spoke again. "Skulduggery, wait!"

He sighed. "What is it now, Fletcher?"

"Look Skul, I don't know what's happened between you two, but may I suggest you fix it, please? Valkyrie is always a wreck when you two fall out. There is only so much of it she will take, trust me I know from personal experience. She's at Gordon's Mansion right now. Go and make up with her, Skul. She needs you."

Skulduggery thought about this for all of three seconds. "Okay." He agreed. "I will fix it."

Skulduggery hung up the phone and jumped to his feet. He put on his hat, grabbed his car keys and ran out of the door. The first thing he noticed was that Greg was no longer laying on his doorstep with blood smeared all over his face – therefore Fletcher must have already done his job.

He ran to his car and leaped inside. He turned on the ignition and the Bentley roared into life, sounding happy to have her owner behind the wheel again.

"Good girl." Skulduggery murmured.

He pulled out of his drive and proceeded to speed down the road. The sooner he got to his Valkyrie the better. He skidded to a stop on the drive of Gordon's Mansion. Bounding out of the car and to the front door he let himself in with the spare key Valkyrie had given him.

"Valkyrie?" He yelled, walking down the hallway. "Valkyrie?"

He walked past the kitchen, assuming she wouldn't be there, but a small little sobbing sound made him stop. He took a few steps back and poked his head around the kitchen door.

And then he saw her, sitting on the floor with her back against the far wall, next to the dishwasher. Why she had chosen to sit in here he would never know. His imaginary heart crumpled when he saw her with her hands covering her face, quietly crying.

"Valkyrie!" He sighed, feeling horrible yet relieved at the same time.

He rushed to her side and kneeled beside her. He tried to put an arm around her shoulders but she shrugged it off.

"Go away." She muttered.

"Valkyrie I'm sorry." He spoke fast, trying to get his apology out a quick as possible. "I am so, _so_ sorry. I'm sorry for being such an arrogant ass, and for beating that guy senseless, and for scaring you. I'm sorry for hurting you, Valkyrie. I never wanted to upset you and you know I could never harm you. Valkyrie, I am so sorry–"

"Please stop apologising." She moaned, her words muffled by her hands. "I'm not upset with _you_, I'm upset with _me_."

Skulduggery's voice was gentle. "Why? What have you got to be sorry about, Val?"

She finally looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "Because I didn't even give you a chance to explain. Because I was stupid enough to think you would never hurt me. Because I was too much on idiot to realise the obvious reason for what you were doing. Because I knew that the only reason you were hurting him is because you're past got to you. Because I wasn't understanding to you, even though you would never judge me. _That_ is what I've got to be sorry about, Skulduggery."

She let her face drop into her hands again.

"Oh, Valkyrie." He sighed and pulled her against his chest. "Don't you dare blame any of this on yourself. I won't let you."

"Skulduggery, I didn't trust you. I _judged_ you. You didn't judge me when you found out I was Darquesse. You stuck by me and I couldn't even return the favour. If I can fly off the handle so easily at something so stupid, imagine what it will be like when I really _am_ Darquesse?" The realisation of that though made her cry even harder.

He rested his head against hers, only realising when he felt the tingling sensation of skin touching skin that he still had his façade on. "Valkyrie, you will never become Darquesse. You are Valkyrie Cain. _My_ Valkyrie Cain. The good guy. If anyone is the real villain here, it's me for beating up a poor civilian."

She shook her head against his chest. Her arms found their way around his neck and she nestled against him.

"You're not a villain, Skulduggery." She said firmly. "You're my hero."

He looked down at her and saw she was looking up at him with a faint smile, despite the tears that still rolled down her cheeks freely. He kissed her forehead. "And you, Valkyrie Cain, are my precious little angel."

**Did you like it? I hope you did :) We worked really hard trying to make this perfect and it was a really fun projects :)**

**Thank you again to Harmony-Rose Temptation - don't forget to check her out :)**

**Also, this is just a note to you readers, I got lots of lovely suggetsions from you so thank you muchly :)**

**To Holly Swift - I wanted to talk to you about your suggestion and I tried to pm you but I wouldn't let me, is there anyway you could allow me to pm you? Or if not, is there a way you could drop me a little review so that I could get in contact with you about writing up your idea? Thank you :D**

**And to those of you who sent me a suggestion - thank you so much and I will be making them all into a story soon :)**

**Expect another update soon :)**

**xoxoxoxoxoxo  
**


	45. Valduggery:The remnant inhabiting Tanith

**Okay, so I have quite a few notifications, so here I go...**

**Firstly, to those who gave me suggestions - they will be turned into stories ASAP as they we're all brilliant! I just got quite a few and I'm making my way round them all in turn.**

**Secondly I know what my next update (well maybe not my next update, but definitely the one after that as this story might end up a two-shot!) shall be as the idea was brought to me by Holly swift (Holly I still cant pm you, it says your account has denied them?) and I LOVED this idea - and I'm sure you all will too! Also Holly suggested that I put myself into the story, which I agreed to as long as I could put some of my readers in as characters too. I already have two people lined up - but i really would like some others! So, if you would like to be a character in my story just let me know. Can you give me your characters name (probably your fanfic pen name so people can know who you are), a rough description of what you want them to look like, what their style is and lastly what their power is? I'm only looking for two more people, so to make it fair i will pick the two people who have come up with the most inventive power! (I need some tough fighters to make the story great :3 )**

**So let me know, yeah? Thank you :D**

**Last notification is this little message from Holly - I agreed to put this up as a simple little favour to her:**

**" Hey all, Holly here! Just a quick thank you to Powerofthekeepers for adding**  
**me as a favourite, and putting me on author alert, it means so much to me!**  
**I'll try to get stories up as soon as possible, my laptop is a little messed**  
**up at the moment! Alright Sabrina, I'll leave you to it! Bye guys, enjoy the**  
**story! Review, get alerts, love, the usual!"**

**Finally! Back to the story! This story was inspired by the book "The Host" By Stephenie Meyer - it's an amazing book! Here is: ****Valduggery:The remnant inhabiting Tanith**

* * *

The remnant that inhabited Tanith's body looked at her own reflection in the mirror. It regarded the body as its own now, however it was no longer called Tanith, it was just called 'Remnant'. Not _the_ Remnant – just Remnant. Remnant stared at itself in the mirror. This human had a pretty face and an appealing body. She was better at fighting than most and her magical abilities were beyond compare. So why was Remnant not happy?

Remnant knew why it was not happy. Remnant had a secret. A dirty little secret at the back of its mind that lingered there like a bad odour.

"_How dare you refer to me in such a way, Remnant!" _Tanith snapped in the back of Remnant's mind.

"How dare you overstay your welcome!" Remnant snapped back.

Remnant sighed. _This_ was its dirty little secret. It had an unwanted guest living in it's own mind. Remnant had never understood why the last inhibitor of this body – Tanith Low – had managed to stay. In all the other bodies Remnant had possessed, this hadn't happened. It was weird to have an extra voice talking to you in your head – at first Remnant had though it was going mad. No human had ever been able to remain conscious in its mind before. Obviously, this Tanith girl was particularly resilient.

"_You're damn right I'm resilient!"_

"Would you please shut up? You're giving me a headache!"

"_I'm giving you a headache? I'm the one trapped in my own mind here! I can't even talk out loud or move a limb! I definitely think I'm the one who has got it bad here!"_

"THEN LEAVE!" Screamed Remnant. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"_It's my head actually." _Tanith grumbled.

Remnant sighed and hung it's head. It didn't know how much more of this it could take. Remnant started to cry. It couldn't help it – it was just such a natural thing to do when you were miserable in this human body. Human emotions were strong and confusing.

Tanith sighed. _"Please don't cry. It's getting really annoying."_

"So is the sound of your voice in my head."

"_I'm sorry, Remnant, but I can't have any sympathy for you when you're evil."_

"I can't help what I am. My whole build up is evil. I was _designed_ to be evil. It's just how I'm made and I can't change it."

Tanith snorted sarcastically. _"What a load of rubbish! Of course you can change yourself! Everyone can! I mean, when was the last time you actually did something truly evil?"_

"When I took over your body I guess."

"_Hmm… I remember. Fun times."_

"Okay, okay. Sarcasm is the lowest for of wit, you know?"

"_I'm just making a point. Maybe you've changed."_

"Over my dead body."

"_Actually it's over _my_ dead body."_

Remnant growled. "I am so sick of this argument."

Tanith wished she still had eyes to roll. She suddenly felt sympathy for Skulduggery. _"Fine, just wallow in your own self pity. No skin off my nose – literally."_

"What else am I supposed to do? I'm the only of my kind left. I have no friends, no family and I have you stuck in my mind as my only companion."

"_Love you too, sweetie."_ Tanith's tone was acidic.

"What did I tell you about the sarcasm?"

"_What have I told you about your severe lack of a sense of humour?"_

"Like I said before, Tanith, how am I supposed to slap a smile onto my face when I am virtually all alone in this world?"

"_Go make some friends. Fall in love. Have an evil baby. I really don't care."_

"Liar. Of course you care."

"_Maybe."_

"So if I were to…make a… friend… what would you suggest?" Remnant's tone was hesitant. The idea of having friend was both bizarre, daunting, and yet somehow enticingly delightful.

Tanith couldn't help it. A memory of Ghastly's face, scars and all flashed into her mind. She missed him so much – not that Remnant would care.

"NO!" Remnant shouted at the image of Ghastly that had been shown to her. "NO WAY! NO!"

"_Why not?"_

"Because he is your… lover. You only want to use me to get close to him again. I wont do it. I don't _want_ to see him."

"_Yes, but I do."_

"I really couldn't care less."

Sighing Tanith, wandered into one of her own memories, showing it to Remnant at the same time.

Tanith is standing, ready to go out and battle the possessed. She is standing tall and strong, posed, arms tensed, clenching her sword. She feels as though nothing can break through her calm, serene mask.

Then Ghastly walks up to her. She turns to look at him, and suddenly her 'macho act' drops as her heart swells at the mere sight of him.

She notices he is wearing his façade, as he is ashamed of his scars. He shouldn't be embarrassed of his scars – they are _cool._ They are a sign of his character and make-up. To Tanith, each of Ghastly's scars was beautiful… in a manly sort of way.

"Um," Ghastly says to her. "Don't die."

With all other logical replies failing her she settles with "Okay."

"Um, Tanith?"

"Yes?"

"After all this remnant business is over, I'm making you dinner. You don't have to like it, you don't have to eat it, and well, you don't even have to be there. But that's what I'm going to do."

Tanith's heart races. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Um… yes. I think so. What do you say?"

Tanith senses her moment and knows this is her cue. She tiptoes up so that she is at his eyelevel. She gently taps the tattoos on the sides of his neck and the façade disappears, revealing his beautiful scars.

She smiles at him gorgeously before tenderly touching her lips to his. It was only a light kiss but it carried a thousand messages. _Be safe. Look after yourself. I'll be waiting for your return. I'll miss you. I need you. I love you._

Tanith stopped the memory there, and was pleased at how Remnant was so touched by it. Remnant quickly pulled itself together, shaking its head as is to shake out the memory.

"No!" Remnant snapped. "You can't fool me with your memories! You can't use your past to push your own feelings onto me."

"_Yeah, we'll see." _Tanith muttered as she flooded Remnant's mind with the same memory again.

Remnant had to watch Tanith kiss Ghastly again, and again, and again, except it was like it was watching itself kiss him. It was the body that Remnant inhabited that was kissing him. Remnant licked its lips, as if the tingle of Ghastly's scarred lips still lingered there. Remnant had to keep watching the replay in her mind of Tanith kissing Ghastly.

"ENOUGH!" Remnant screamed. "ENOUGH! I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LOVE HIM!"

"_Want to bet?" _Tanith sneered and replayed the memory again.

Remnant dropped to its knees. "STOP! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" Remnant began to cry, huge tears rolling down its cheeks.

Tanith sounded smug. _"You love him too. You love him just as much as I do."_

"Of course I love him! How can I _not_ love him when he is all you ever think about! You have poisoned my mind with thoughts of him! And now, yes, I am in love with him too!"

"_I think you loved him before. I mean, I loved him with both mind and body – well when I _had_ a body – and now that you have my body, it's obvious that you would love him too."_

"I know. I've always known that – I've just refused to admit it."

"_Remnant... I love him so much. How could you take him away from me like that? I know your evil, but that was just... beyond evil. It was hellish."_

"I know." Remnant's tears fell even faster. "I'm sorry, I truly am. But there is nothing I can do."

"_Well..."_

"Well, what?"

"You know."

"Oh no." Remnant groaned. "No, not that. That's the kind of thing that could get me killed!"

"_But I want to see him!" _Tanith wailed, started to sob now too.

"Please don't cry!" Remnant sighed. "It's hard enough to deal with my own real tears, let alone your tears that I can only hear in my head."

But Tanith couldn't stop crying. _"But I love him. I miss him so much."_

"I know. I do too."

"_Please lets go find him. Please."_

"He will see that I'm a remnant and kill me. That means killing _you _too."

"_But we can try! Please let us try! We know where to find him, and as long as Skulduggery isn't with him, it should be easy!"_

"And if Skulduggery _is_ with him?"

"_Then we're screwed. But at least we died trying."_

"No."

"_Please? Do it for me?"_

"No."

"_Do it for Ghastly."_

Remnant cringed slightly. It knew what it had to do. It knew that it had to find Ghastly. Not just for itself but for Tanith too. It seemed weird to be doing something nice for Tanith. Firstly Remnant was indeed a remnant and it wasn't ever supposed to be nice or kind in any sort of way. However, there had been a severe lack of evil doings in Remnant's life lately and it feared it was slowly becoming a more pleasant being. The second reason Remnant found it weird to be doing something nice for Tanith was because she had spent the last six months hating her for not simply vanishing like she was supposed to.

"_Love you too._" Tanith grumbled.

"See? Now that's the kind of attitude from you that I hate!"

"_Yeah, okay I'll lay off the sarcasm, if you do this one thing for me." _Tanith was begging now. _"Please lets go find Ghastly. Please."_

Remnant sighed. "Okay, fine." It agreed.

"_Thank you. Thank you so much, Remnant."_

"Don't mention it. Please."

"_Oh, and one other thing?"_

"Yes?"

"_Would you stop referring to yourself as an 'it', please? It's really annoying me now. You're in my body, therefore you are female. You are a she, or a her... not an it."_

Remnant thought this through. It made sense. "Okay." It... um... _she_ agreed.

"_Thank you."_

"Again, don't mention it."

There was a brief moment of silence that Remnant revelled happily in. Silence was a rare thing now days.

Tanith broke it. _"So we're finding Ghastly?"_

Remnant nodded. "Yes. We're finding Ghastly."

**So do you like the story? I really hoped you did! I was going to continue it originally, but I changed my mind. If you want me to continue it I will find a way :)**

**Don't forget to let me know if you want to appear in my next story (A Night to remember) - I'd love to hear from you.**

**Thank you my lovelys - sorry again for the masses of notifications!**

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxo  
**


	46. Valduggery:TheRemnantInhabitingTanith2

**WOW! You guys sure do have some brilliant character ideas! They were so good I ended picking far more than I intended, so here are the characters who will be in my next story: Holly Swift, Harmony-Rose Temptation, Amara Calla, Luny Bird, Raven Starlight, and Dusky Malice. These guys had some seriously wicked character ideas!**

**So here is the second (last) part part of Valduggery: The remnant inhabiting Tanith. - My story that is inspired by "The Host", by Stephenie Meyer.  
**

**I hope you like it! (also, sorry about the squished up title, i had to do that to fit it all in!)  
**

Remnant stood trembling from where she stood, hiding in a phone box on the other side of the road from Bespoke's' tailors. It was a dark and peaceful night, however, that just added to the eeriness of the situation.

"This was a bad idea!" She hissed. "He's never going to hear me out, and even if he does what are the chances he he'll believe me! All he will see is the remnant, not you inside of me as well!"

Tanith sighed, exasperated. _"We have to try!"_

"But what if he tries to kill me? Or send me to the Gaol? He _hates_ me, remember?" Remnant's voice was panicky.

"_That's a risk I'm willing to take. Oh and one other thing?"_

"_Another_ demand?"

"_It's only a small one. Do you think you can change your name from Remnant to something a little less... sinister? I mean, you're hardly the 'evil kninevil' you once were, are you?"_

"Change my name? To what?"

"_Oh I don't know! Must I do all the thinking! Maybe just an abbreviation of Remnant. Like... Remmie?"_

"Remmie?" She thought it over. "Okay, that shall be my new name."

"_Great. Now let's get going, shall we, Remmie?"_

Before Remmie could answer she felt a gloved hand wrap tightly around her from behind, pinning her arms to her waist. Another gloved hand clamped around her mouth, muffling her screams.

"_Buggar!"_ Tanith squealed.

Remmie, kicked and thrashed out, trying to shake off her attacker, but he was too strong, and Remmie no longer has her superior strength from before, due to lack of use. She no longer had her brilliant power to fight back. She had become weak and feeble. Then Remmie heard a familiar voice.

"The nerve of her showing her face around here! Disgusting remnant!"

"_Valkyrie!" _Tanith near screamed in excitement.

Another familiar voice spoke – it came from the one who was restraining her. "Yeah, well it was only a matter of time."

"_Skulduggery!"_

"What shall we do with her?" Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery sighed. "We have to take her to see Ghastly. We promised we would bring her to him if we ever found her."

"_Ghastly!" _Both Remmie and Tanith screamed together in thought.

"Right." Valkyrie agreed. "Let's do that now then."

"Hmm." Skulduggery mumbled.

"What?"

"Have you noticed how she has stopped struggling since I mentioned Ghastly's name?"

"_Ghastly..." _Tanith groaned, near crying.

"Actually," Valkyrie replied. "Yes, now you mention it I have. What do you think that means?"

"I think it means she was already on her way over here to see him."

"Why would she do that?"

"I don't know. Let's take her to him and find out. It's not exactly like we're far away, is it?"

Tanith was loudly sobbing in Remmie's mind now. _"Ghastly..." _She wailed.

The sound of Tanith's crying made tears spring to Remmie's eyes too. Her body went slightly limp in despair.

"Woah." Skulduggery had to prob her up. "She's a little bit flimsy."

"Is that a bad sign?" Valkyrie asked.

"Well it's not a good one." Skulduggery lifted Remmie up and slung her over his shoulder. "Right, let's go."

Skulduggery and Valkyrie crossed the road, heading to Bespoke's tailors, Remmie dangling over Skulduggery's shoulder, silently crying.

"There is a surprising lack of resistance coming from her." Skulduggery mumbled.

"Maybe she knows she has lost the fight?"

"Maybe."

"_Ghastly!" _Tanith kept on crying out his name, anguished. _"I want my Ghastly!"_

Skulduggery pushed open the door to Bespoke's tailors and let Valkyrie in before him. He too walked inside and they stopped inside the front room.

"Ghastly!" Skulduggery called. "Special delivery!"

Ghastly walked out from the back room. "Hi guys, what brings you here–"

"_GHASTLY!" _Tanith and I screamed silently at the sound of his voice.

Ghastly stared at the limp body slung over Skulduggery's shoulder and he stumbled back a little. "Oh... my... God..."

"We found her loitering across the street and we thought we'd bring her to you."

Skulduggery lifted Remmie off his shoulder and placed her feet on the ground. However she was in such a total shock at seeing Ghastly, that she couldn't hold herself up and she slumped, falling to her knees awkwardly.

"Ghastly..." She whispered between sobs.

"Well I didn't expect her to fall over." Skulduggery mumbled.

"Why have you brought her here?" Ghastly asked, not taking his eyes off Remmie. "And what have you done to her? She's all... wilted."

"I don't know. She doesn't seem to have much fight left in her."

Valkyrie frowned at her. "And she's crying... I didn't think that remnants could cry."

Skulduggery nodded his head. "It is very uncharacteristic... However, it's time we got some answers from her, and to make sure she doesn't try anything funny..."

Skulduggery pulled out his gun from his jacket and pointed it at Remmie's head. Remmie screamed and cringed away from him.

"Bizarre." Skulduggery cocked his head to one side. "It's like... it's like she's lost all the remnant characteristics that should be inside of her. It's like she has been... subdued."

Remmie cowered away from the gun, sitting on the floor, knees drawn into her chest, head in hands, sobbing.

Ghastly couldn't help but feel compassion for the helpless creature. "Skulduggery, put your gun away, you're scaring her."

"But–"

"Skulduggery!" Ghastly snapped. "She may be a remnant now, but she used to be to woman I loved and I will not have you hurt or intimidate her!"

Skulduggery sighed, putting his gun away. "Very well."

There was a brief moment of silence except from the pitiful sounds of Remmie's crying. Ghastly studied her, noticing how she looked so harmless and frightened. "I want to talk to her." He said suddenly.

"Be my guest." Replied Skulduggery.

"Alone, Skul."

"No way. She could attack."

"Oh get real! Look at her! She is recoiling in fear from us! I would hardly think of her as able to attack!"

"But–"

"I mean it, Skul. I would like the both of you to step outside. You can come in when I'm done."

Valkyrie and Skulduggery swapped anxious glances.

"As you wish." Skulduggery nodded, eventually. "Come on, Valkyrie. Let's leave them alone."

Valkyrie nodded and walked over to him. The left the shop and Ghastly locked up after them, drawing the blinds. He turned and looked at the sobbing girl on his shop floor. He had no idea what to do, so her walked over to her, and crouched down on the floor opposite her. He thought about reaching out a hand to her shoulder to comfort her, but he decided against it.

"Hello." Ghastly said sheepishly. "You don't have to be scared anymore, no one is going to hurt you."

Remmie slowly looked up at him, her heart swelling at the sight of his beautiful scarred face. She couldn't find her voice so she nodded.

Ghastly continued. "You're a remnant aren't you?" Remmie nodded. "You're not strictly Tanith... are you?" Remmie shook her head.

"_What are you talking about?_" Tanith screeched. _"I'm still here! Tell him I'm still here!"_

Remmie ignored her.

"Do you have a name for yourself, Remnant?"

Remmie cleared her throat. "Tanith likes to call me, Remmie."

"Tanith?" He was taken aback, eyes narrowing. "What are you talking about? Tanith is gone. You just said so."

Remmie cursed herself in her mind. Stupid, stupid Remmie. She pursed her lips and tried not to say anything else stupid.

Ghastly raised an eyebrow at her. "Remmie... what is going on? Be honest with me? Is Tanith still in there with you? It's not impossible – I've heard of it happening before."

Remmie said nothing, however Tanith was screaming loudly inside her head. _"GHASTLY! I'M STILL HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! GHASTLY!"_

"Is that why you've turned so timid, Remmie? Is it because you're sharing your head with someone else? Is Tanith in there? Has she turned your mind good?"

Remmie couldn't help it, she burst into tears. Unwillingly she nodded to Ghastly's questions.

Ghastly's eyes widened in shock. "Tanith is still in there? She is alive?"

"Yes. She's still with me. And she still loves you."

"And you've... been turned?"

"Yes... I think so. I'm not... like I was before. I'm different now. I have Tanith to thank for that. I love her for that."

"Remnants are able to love?"

"Of course. So much."

Ghastly suddenly understood her words. "Oh! Oh... this must be confusing for you."

"It is." She sniffled.

Ghastly reached out a hand to her face and wiped her tears for her. "Would you like to be out of this body, Remmie? Would you like your peace?"

"So much. More than anything."

"So how do we do that?"

"I'm not sure. I think you have to reach out to Tanith and pull her back to you. You have to pull her back to the surface so far that I won't even exist anymore."

"That sounds difficult. I don't know what to do."

"Me neither."

"_I have an idea." _Tanith said quietly.

Remmie's eyes widened in shock at Taniths words. Ghastly noticed this.

"What is it?" Ghastly asked, anxiously.

"Tanith has an idea."

"What is it?"

"_Kiss him."_

"She wants me to kiss you." Remmie said slightly embarrassed.

Ghastly was a little shocked. "Um... oh... right."

"I think she could be right."

"_I am right. Do it."_

"She wants us to do it."

Ghastly nodded slowly. "Um... Okay. So we should... kiss?"

"Um... yes..."

"Now?"

"I guess so."

He nodded once. "Okay." Slowly he closed his eyes and leaned his face in towards Remmie's. He stopped just inches away from her. "Tanith..." He whispered. "This is for you, darling. Please come back to me."

"_I'll try."_

Ghastly proceeded to incline his face towards her. His lips softly touched against hers and he pressed a little harder against her. Hesitantly he parted his lips and Remmie followed his lead. Ghastly gently bit her bottom lip and tugged slightly on it. Remmie could feel her body giving into him, although she wasn't surprised – humans were so easily ruled by their body's emotions. Her arms found their way around his neck and she shuffled closer to him. Ghastly tightly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her impossibly close to him. He crushed his lips against hers with more force now as the kiss grew and built, their lips tangling together.

Remmie could feel herself slowly slipping away as Tanith was coming back to her. The raw emotion flooding through the both of them was making Tanith stronger and Remmie weaker. Remmie didn't care, she just wanted to disappear. She wanted to fade away and forget about all her human experiences.

The kiss continued unimaginably strong and powerful. Tanith had taken control of her left arm and could feel the right one coming back to her. She used her new found grip to clutch onto Ghastly even tighter. Slowly the rest of her body came back to her and Remmie was nothing more than a discarded thought in the back of her mind, growing smaller and smaller.

Eventually, Remmie disappeared altogether and Tanith was finally herself again, and her own feelings and thoughts rushed back into her. Suddenly she was aware of the tingling in her nerve endings, the fire beneath her lips, and Ghastly's warm body pressed against her.

She pulled away from him and saw him staring at her. "Ghastly!" She screamed.

Ghastly knew it was her instantly. "Tanith!" He cried, embracing her close.

Both kneeling on the shop floor, they held each other tight in their arms. Ghastly brought one hand to Tanith's face and held onto it tight. He could feel the fresh tears that fell, brush against his hand and he began to cry his own tears too.

"Tanith!" He sobbed, pressing his face close to hers, his eyes locked onto hers. "Tanith, don't you dare ever leave me again! I've missed you so much!"

Tanith tried not to choke on her own tears. "I'm back now! I'm back to stay and I'm never going anywhere, do you understand me?"

"It's been horrible! I thought I was never going to see you again!"

"Well I'm here for good, baby. I thought I would be trapped inside Remmie's head for the rest of my life. Please don't cry, Ghastly. I really am here to stay."

"I can't help crying. I love you so much."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

Ghastly pulled Tanith into a kiss, and he knew that for as long as he lived, he would never let her go again.

**Sorry that story ended up so long! I hope you didn't mind!**

**So up nest will be the story with your character ideas in it! Really can't wait to start writing it!**

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxoxo  
**


	47. Valduggery: A night to remember part 1

**Valduggery: A night to remember: 1**

**So this is the story some of you will be appearing in! You only make a brief appearance in this first part, but don't worry you will each get your time to shine in parts to come! Speaking of which... so many of you wanted to be characters and I hadn't the heart to say no to any of you - however now that I've started the story I officially can't add anymore characters in, no matter how wonder full, non-sensically brilliant or down-right exciting they are - there simply is no more room for any other character, do you understand M'dearys? Heh-heh :')**

**Extras in this story include: Ashione Flare, Etheran Claw, Dusky Malice, Raven Starlight, Luny Bird, Amara Calla, Holly Swift... and, er, me! Like I said I don't go into detail about the characters now, as this chapter was just a way of setting up the story to come. You will each be described in as much detail as you gave me in the next part :)**

**This story idea was brought to me by Holly Swift - and I loved it! I'm sure you will all love it too!**

Valkyrie Cain stormed into Skulduggery Pleasant's living room, throwing her coat and bag aggressively to the floor before collapsing onto the sofa, burying her face into the couch cushion.

Skulduggery looked up from his paper at her, from where he was sitting in the armchair opposite. "Well you seem happy."

Valkyrie mumbled something that sounded like "Shut up."

Sighing Skulduggery put down his paper. He walked over to where her coat was lying on the floor, picked it up and folded it neatly before placing it on the coffee table. "Valkyrie, you are eighteen years old now, you shouldn't be having tantrums anymore."

Valkyrie grunted something like "I don't care."

"Valkyrie, sit up and talk to me."

"No."

"Valkyrie Cain, I am warning you. Get up."

"Make me."

He sighed. "Very well."

He crouched down and reached out to her. He grabbed onto her sides and began tickling like mad. Valkyrie screamed and writhed, gasping for air. She batted his hands away angrily and sat up.

"Get off me!" She snapped. "That was _so_ not funny!"

He sat beside her. "Are you going to tell me what's upsetting you yet?"

"Nothing's upsetting me! Don't be ridiculous!"

He sighed and started tickling her again.

"OKAY! OKAY!" She screamed. "I'll tell you! Get off me!"

He let go of her, his smile clear in his tone. "I knew you would come around, good girl. Now what is wrong?"

She sighed rolling her eyes. "It's a little embarrassing."

"Even better. It's more entertaining that way."

She punched his bony arm. "Shut up."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Now come on, tell me, I won't laugh."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Well... okay... my reflection went to collage today and... well... Ricky Blaze asked her to the prom tonight! Are you happy now?" She snapped, crossing her arms sulkily.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "I'm sorry... what?"

Valkyrie sighed. "Ricky Blaze, aka the most gorgeous boy in the year above me asked my reflection to prom and she said yes – and I don't even like him!"

"So? You don't have to go. Just let your reflection go."

"What? No! I'm not missing prom again! I missed it when I was sixteen because we were fighting a horde of Remnants, I missed it when I was seventeen because we were extracting the remnant from Tanith, this is the last time I'll ever get a chance to go to prom, and I'm _not_ letting the reflection steal it from me!"

"I see... wait, since when do you like prom?"

"I don't like it as a rule; it's just supposed to be a big part of a girl's adolescence. You know, she goes to prom, has that one special dance with that once special person, and then they kiss under the disco ball."

"And you can't do that because...?"

"I can't do that because Ricky Blaze is taking me."

Skulduggery shook his head puzzled. "I'm confused. Are you or are you not going to prom?"

"I am. I'm just not going to enjoy it."

"Right. I will pretend that that makes sense."

She sighed. "I wish Tanith was here. She would understand."

"Yes, well she and Ghastly are on their honeymoon – so you're stuck with me."

"Marvellous!"

"Sarcasm really doesn't suit you, Valkyrie." Skulduggery affectionately tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. This was such a natural move to him now. He always found himself doing those kinds of things now days, without even thinking. "It's not becoming of a girl as pretty as you."

She smiled. "Thank you. But unfortunately I _own_ sarcasm and I can use it whenever I wish to."

He laughed. "Cute. Very, very cute. Now come on, haven't you got a prom dress to buy?"

She grinned even wider. "Already got it sorted. I've had a dress ready for months."

"You were actually that excited?"

"I actually was!"

"Even though you now have to go with Ricky Blaze?"

"Even then."

"And you know that of course you will have to have a special team of experts to go with you and stand guard to make sure you don't get hurt."

"Yes of course– wait... what?"

"Valkyrie, you can't honestly think I will let you swan off to prom with some boy I haven't met, and risk you getting hurt?"

"Eew, gross, Skul! You totally just sounded like my dad! Stop it!"

"Well I'm sorry but it's true. He could be a creep for all we know, and I'm not letting you get hurt."

She sighed. "Okay you're keeping something from me. What is it and what has it got to do with this 'team of experts'?"

He hesitated before answering. "Well..."

"Yes?"

"Well, someone is after you, Val. I don't know who it is but they have made it abundantly clear they won't stop until your blood is shed. I need this team to go with you to keep you safe. Please just do as I say on this one occasion. Please?"

Valkyrie tried to pout at him, but she wasn't very good at it. She was always giving into him now days. "Fine!" She sighed.

"Great. Now you go get dressed at your house and I'll call them over to meet us there so you can meet them when you're done."

"Okay." She smiled at him. Then for some unknown reason to both of them she leaned over to him and kissed his cheek bone. She realised what she had done and blushed. "Oops... um... see you at Gordon's mansion in a bit." And with that she grabbed her bag and coat and ran out of the house.

Skulduggery was a little stunned. She'd never kissed him before. No one had ever kissed him since he had become a skeleton. Why had she done it? Was it a spur-of-the-moment thing? Was it out of gratitude for him always looking out for her? Why did she blush like that afterwards?

He pushed all these thoughts out of his head – they could wait until later. He pulled out his mobile and rolled down his contact list, looking at all the people he had to call: Ashione Flare, Etheran Claw, Dusky Malice, Raven Starlight, Luny Bird, Amara Calla, Holly Swift and Sabrina Sparrow. These sorcerers were some of the best Skulduggery knew, and he was sure he could count on them.

**The next part will be up soon, and If you are a character in my story - look forward to seeing yourself kick some seriously-bad-guy-butt!**

**Thanks for the reviews guys! :')**

**xoxoxoxo  
**


	48. Valduggery: A night to remember part 2

**This is Valduggery: A night to remember, part 2, and BOY did it take a long time to write! I had to put the descriptions of all your characters in - and it took me ages to try and make them as great as you described them to me. I tried to make them each a perfect copy of the descriptions you gave me and I hope you think that they do you justice.**

**I'm sorry that this part is mostly descriptions, but I added in some beginnings of some Valduggery romance just to wet your appetites for the parts yet to come!**

**And before you ask - yes, your characters will get to do more stuff at the prom when the action scenes kick in. So do not fret m'dears!**

**Also a secret sorry to Etheran - lol you know why :P**

**Sorry about the deleting and the re-uploading of this chapter, had some changes to make :)  
**

**I hope you like it!**

Valkyrie looked at herself in the full length mirror in her bedroom at Gordon's mansion. The house was legally hers now, but she always viewed it as still his. She twirled in front of the mirror and resisted the urge to giggle like a moronic child. Her dress was _gorgeous!_ It was a deep, rich, red colour that was not only sexy but it looked perfect on her. The style of the was a halter-neck that came in at a heart shape over her bust, then it came in tight at the waist and flowed to the ground clinging to her slender figure. The dress had no back and her slight back was on display, enhancing her elegance.

Her hair was curled and pinned up stylishly, with a few curls hanging down. She had done her make -up simple yet effective. She had given herself smoky eyes and glossed, red lips – making herself look sophisticated yet naturally stunning.

She had done a good job, she barely even recognised herself. Lastly she put on the diamond necklace with matching earrings that Skulduggery had gotten her for her seventeenth birthday last year, and sprayed some Dior perfume onto her neck. She slipped on her black heels and she was ready to go.

Skulduggery was waiting for her downstairs and she supposed she best not keep him waiting any longer.

"Skulduggery!" She called down to him. "I'm coming downstairs now, are you ready?"

"I'm ready!"

Grinning to herself she walked out of her room and across the landing. She rounded the top of the staircase and spotted skulduggery waiting for her at the bottom. She saw how his jaw dropped open when he saw her, and inside she jumped for joy. She descended the staircase, a permanent smile on her face, not taking her eyes off Skulduggery. She reached the bottom and grinned at him.

Skulduggery stared at her. My God, so _that's_ why she had been taking so long getting ready! She was turning herself into this beauty that stood before him right now! He didn't know what to say while this torrent off different and confusing emotions swirled around his mind. He didn't even realise that his jaw was still hanging open.

Valkyrie laughed and gently put a finger under his chin. She shut his mouth for him and the moment she did, he suddenly got his mind back.

"Do you like it?" She smiled, doing a little twirl for him.

"Valkyrie... You look so... beautiful! Dear God, you look stunning!"

Valkyrie couldn't help the high-pitched giggle that escaped her lips without her permission. "You really mean that?"

"I _really_ mean that, Val. I'll be surprised if they even let you into the prom looking like that."

"What do you mean?"

"This is a teenage prom. You look _far_ too sexy in that dress to–" He abruptly stopped himself from speaking. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! What an idiotic thing to say!_ "Um..."

Valkyrie looked down to hide her blush. "Er... thank you."

There was a moment of awkward silence. "Um... I got you a present." Skulduggery finally said.

Valkyrie looked up at him, not caring if her cheeks were still red. "You did?"

"I did. Close your eyes."

She did as she was told and closed her eyes. Skulduggery pulled out the back rose corsage from his jacket pocket and fastened it around her wrist. She opened her eyes when he told her she was allowed to and stared at the pretty little accessory on her wrist.

"I was told that every girl was supposed to go to prom with a corsage."

"Skulduggery, that was so thoughtful of you. Thank you."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, resting her head on his shoulder. Skulduggery eagerly wound his arms around her waist and embraced her. He nuzzled his skull into her neck and sighed happily. He loved Valkyrie's hugs. They were warm and familiar and they just felt like home, like he belonged there, with her in his arms. Reluctantly he pulled away when there was a knock at the door.

He looked at her, still holding onto one of her hands when he spoke. "I'll get it."

"Who is it?"

"My team of experts. I wanted you to meet them all before you go, just so you know who to be looking out for." He said, walking over to the door.

"Okay." She nodded. "That sounds reasonable. Oh and, Skulduggery?"

He turned before opening the door. "Yes, Valkyrie?"

"They do know we're going to a prom, right? They _are_ dressed for a prom... aren't they?"

"Um... sure." He opened the door.

Seven stunning yet slightly frightening female sorcerers and a strong male mage walked through the front door and into the living room in perfect formation. They all halted at the exact same moment – still in a perfect line – and did a ninety degree turn so they were all facing Valkyrie. Valkyrie's face went slack at the sight of them. These people were warriors, strong and independent. There was no way they would 'fit-in' in a prom setting!

Skulduggery went to stand beside Valkyrie, putting a hand on her shoulder. "Here they are, the best fighters this side of the continent."

When Valkyrie didn't say anything but instead just gawped at the fighters in front of them, Skulduggery decided to introduce each of them.

"Valkyrie, each of these mages are close, personal friends of mine and I have called upon each of them to help keep you safe tonight. Firstly we have Ashione Flare, a master fighter who has never lost a fight with any of her opponents. Being a master of all types of magic, she is practically unbeatable and anyone who wants to keep their head on top of their shoulders... really shouldn't annoy her."

Valkyrie looked at her. Ashione was pretty with bright, blazing blue eyes and long, thick, brown hair that fell past her waist. Her choice of clothing was simple but effective for fighting in. She wore fashionable black tracksuit bottoms that were easy to jump, run and fight in. To go with that she wore a blood red zip-up hoodie, with the hood up, giving her an air of mystery.

Skulduggery continued "Next we have Etheran Claw, whose powers excel in speed, telepathy, and visions. He is way up there with Tanith Low when it comes to sword fighting and that's why he always carries two anywhere he goes – along with two knives. People who cross him have a notorious habit of waking up dead."

Etheran had dark blue hair that was cut short, which contrasted with his twinkling grey eyes. He wore a coat black as sin that went right all the way down to his heels, however it was left undone so that Valkyrie could see the dark blue shirt and ripped black jeans that he wore underneath, that completed his look.

"Then we have Dusky Malice – the most dangerous one of the pack. You see, Dusky has the two different coloured eyes? Well they stand for the two different sides of her personality. The ice blue eye symbolises her darker side which is a cruel and dangerous murderer who enjoys torture and playing mind games, only killing her victims when she grows tired of them."

"What?" Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery incredulously.

"Let me finish! Let me finish!" He held up his hands defensively. "Now, the gold eye symbolises her 'good-guy' side who is a decent, honest, loyal person – who is scared of the other side of her personality which she has no control over. She tries to help her victims but isn't always strong enough and is easily overpowered by her dark side. Despite all this she is slightly cynical and incredibly sly but she is a good person on the inside and I trust her, okay?"

"Okay..."

Dusky waved at Valkyrie and gave her a bright smile, to which Valkyrie nervously returned one of her own.

"Dusky's power is manipulation, AKA If she tells you something, you have no choice but to do it. She makes her victims mutilate themselves just so she can watch – but don't let that scare you, she really is very sweet."

"Right..." Valkyrie studied Dusky warily. She was cute despite being a little bit intimidating. She was a short, thin girl with dark straight hair and mismatched eyes – like skulduggery had said. She had dark circles under her eyes and a perpetual smirk on her pretty face. She was dressed in a gray shirt under a black leather jacket, with blue jeans, and a black fedora with grey pinstripes on it. Her sleek hair was pulled up in a classy, low ponytail.

Skulduggery moved onto the next fighter. "This is Raven Starlight, from London, aged 17 and already a powerful Necromancer. Her mother died a few years back and her father is rarely ever home, however she lives with her older brother who is almost as skilled in dark magic as her. She carries a black onyx katana that sends dark magic to kill anyone using it that isn't its true owner."

Raven had a body that was build and curved with muscular biceps and strong running legs that looked perfect with her height of around 5ft 10. Her shiny, sleek, dark brown hair was short in an almost bob-style, making her look graceful yet strong.

"Next to Raven, there is Luny Bird who is... well bizarre in a simply brilliant kind of way. She is indispensible to the team as she is strong, determined and a truly magnificent fighter. No one has ever been hurt while she is defending them. She is adept like Tanith and rides a motorcycle and fights with a sword like her too."

Luny Bird was by far the one who stood out the most, wearing a neon yellow halter neck top that said on it: 'I'm not insane, you're just normal!' paired with black skinny jeans. To finish off her unique style she wore a red top hat with a black strip around it. She was wearing knee high boots that were so cool Valkyrie began to wish she had a pair like hers.

Skulduggery continued with the introductions. "And we also have Amara Calla – whose name means eternal beauty in Greek. She is adept and her power allows her to shape-shift, allowing her to look however she wants, including invisibility. Now there is something interesting about Amara that you should know, Valkyrie. She is actually one of your long lost relatives."

Valkyrie turned to look at him, shocked. "I'm sorry... what?"

Skulduggery coughed. "Well, um... Gordon asked me not to ever tell you this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Amara is the secret daughter that Gordon and China had together."

Valkyrie cupped both hands over her mouth. "Oh... my... God..."

"I know, right?" Amara laughed. "I guess we're, like... cousins or something like that?"

"I guess so." Valkyrie nodded slowly.

Skulduggery continued. "She fights with two small silver daggers with rubies in the hilt. Depending on what she's wearing, they're either hidden from sight in her sleeves or her belt – she hates having her opponents knowing what they've got coming to them, understandably."

Amara was true to her name, and was beautiful. She had waist length, blonde hair that swept behind her back like a gleaming, golden curtain, with bright red streaks going through it. Her tanned skin glowed in the light illuminating her pale blue eyes. She wore a white tiger striped vest with a tiny black tank top over it. To go with that she wore a red mini skirt with a black studded belt. Finishing off her look, she wore fishnet knee length tights, with high heeled black boots up to her ankles. The black fingerless gloves on her delicate hands gave her a tough edge.

"Now we have Holly Dawn Swift – but you can call her Holls – and despite the fact she is only fifteen she is one heck of a powerful elemental, as she has also adept powers that allow her to turn into a silver wolf. She can get _really_ hyper at times, but she is equally as brave and she stands up for herself due to her outgoing nature. Like me, she is a bit of a joker despite being quite random." Skulduggery smirked. "And she is _quite_ the Skulduggery fan. Turns out she knows just about everything about me during the war and all the fights I've been in. It's kind of cute really."

"Get over yourself." Valkyrie sighed at him. She looked at Holly and smiled – she was pretty with her big grey eyes, shoulder-length light brunette hair with a dark blue side fringe, and limited height. She was certainly dressed for prom wearing a dress that was near identical to the one the Red Queen wears in 'Alice in Wonderland'.

Skulduggery gestured to the last person in the line that he had not mentioned. "And this is Sabrina Sparrow. She is a powerful elemental who dabbles here and there in the necromancer and adept powers. She carries both a revolver and a sword but finds it much more satisfying to use her fists against her enemies."

Sabrina smiled at Valkyrie. She was simply dressed wearing ripped black jeans, scuffed biker-boots, a midnight blue top with the sleeves ripped off, and fingerless leather gloves. Her blond hair was tied back into a pony tail and her dark brown eyes sparkled in the light.

Valkyrie stared at them not really knowing what to say.

"Well?" Skulduggery said smugly. "Are you impressed?"

"Skulduggery... this won't do."

"What? What do you mean?" His arrogance quickly disappeared.

"Skulduggery! These people won't blend in with a crowd of teenagers at a prom!"

He tilted his head to the side in confusion. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that they're not the most inconspicuous bunch, are they?"

"I'm afraid I don't follow."

"Skulduggery... one of them is wearing a top-hat."

"Yes, and a very nice top hat it is too."

"I am so dead!" She sighed. "If I walk into prom with these guys I will look insane! I will stick out like a sore thumb!"

"They have a cover story! Calm down!"

"Really?" Valkyrie asked, hopeful.

"No. Sorry that was a lie."

She growled and punched his arm. She would have continued her argument, but she heard a car horn sound from outside.

"That will be Ricky." She sighed. She turned to the eight sorcerers and gave them a stern look. "Okay, you guys can come – but you need to be on your best behaviour! I'm especially look at you Dusky! No torturing my collage friends, okay?"

"Of course not." Dusky nodded.

"Well okay... I'll see you there then." She said, tightly.

Valkyrie turned on her heel and strode from the room, out of the front door and got into her date's car.

Skulduggery turned to his team of experts and said brightly. "Well, I think that went well!"

**Okay! Now that each of the characters has their background and appearance set up, we can get this action/humour/romance - packed story going! I'm really hoping that you like it so far and I will update it soon!**

**Thank you muchly, my lovelys! And again, sorry Etheran :)  
**

**xoxoxo**


	49. Valduggery: A night to remember part 3

**So here we are with part 3, entitled: Valduggery: A night to remember part 3**

**Your characters play a bigger role in the story in this chapter, but they make an even bigger appearance when the action breaks out! :D (which will be happening soon!)  
**

**I hope you all like it - thanks for the reviews guys! :3**

Valkyrie got into Ricky Blaze's car and together they sped off to the prom at am alarmingly fast speed. Valkyrie gripped onto her seat half-terrified. She only trusted Skulduggery to drive this fast. Ricky kept glancing her way when they spoke, which only intensified Valkyrie's nerves.

"So," Ricky smiled at her. "You look pretty hot tonight, Steph."

"Um... thanks. Don't you think you should slow down a little?"

"Na, I'm a pro driver, babe."

"Uh-huh."

Valkyrie studied Ricky carefully. He was fairly good looking, with spiky black hair and ice blue eyes. He was pale with light-pink lips that curled into a quirky smile. However, for all his good attributes there were to his face, he was also slightly intimidating – probably his emo hair that did that. Somehow he looked familiar but she couldn't put her finger on it.

They arrived at the hall where prom was being held. It was just a normal hall that the prom committee had hired out. Ricky opened the car door for Valkyrie and helped her out. He locked up and turned to Valkyrie.

"Ready to go inside, babe?"

"Yup." She said popping the P.

"Cool." He slid his arm around her waist and led her into the hall.

Valkyrie grinned as the stepped through the doors and took in her surroundings of the hall. It was decorated just like she had imagined. There were streamers and banners hanging from the high ceiling; balloons kicking across the vast, glittery, dance floor. There were chandeliers hanging everywhere and the colour schemed seemed to follow gold and black. There were people who attended the collage with her - well, with her reflection – dancing and sitting at the bar and hovering around the DJ in dresses and tux's equally as gorgeous as hers.

Ricky led her over to the bar. "Let's get a drink."

Valkyrie reluctantly followed. "Ricky, I don't drink."

"Steph, baby, of course you do! Everybody does!"

"Well not me."

"Come on." He tried dragging her to the bar.

"No." She said firmly. "Maybe later I'll have an orange squash, but not now."

He sighed rolling his eyes. "Fine. So what do you want to do instead?"

She looked over at the other kids her age dancing. "I want to dance."

Ricky's face lit up. "Sure, baby, sure."

She led him over to the dance floor by his hand. He eagerly wrapped his arms around her waist – even though a fast track was playing – and she had no choice but to put her arms around his neck. Ricky was a good dancer though; he could keep in time with the music and he spun Valkyrie effortlessly. However she had noticed that he was very _hands on_. Very _grabby_.

The song ended and Ricky was holding Valkyrie uncomfortably close, his face only inches from hers. He tilted his head to the left slightly and inclined his face towards her. Valkyrie realised what he was about to do immediately and panicked.

She quickly turned her face away from him and pointed to something on the other side of the hall. "Oh my God! What's that?"

Ricky frowned and followed her gaze. "Stephenie... that's a fire extinguisher."

"Oh!" She said, feigning surprise. "Oh yes! So it is! Fancy that!"

"You're such a goon sometimes, Steph. Now... where were we?" He put a finger under her chin and brought her face round to look at him.

"Um... I don't remember..."

"Here, let me remind you."

Valkyrie panicked again. _CRAP! _

Suddenly her prayers were answered when there was a distraction behind her. She heard gasps and laughter.

Valkyrie broke away from him and turned around to see what the fuss was being made over. She saw a bunch of people crowding around the doors. Before she could ask what was going on, the crowd parted, and to her utter horror, she saw Etheran claw, Dusky Malice, Raven Starlight, Luny Bird, Amara Calla, Holly Swift, Ashione Flare and Sabrina Sparrow glide into the hall.

"Bugger!" She muttered.

"Who the hell are they?" Ricky grumbled beside her.

"I have no idea." She lied.

"Why is one of them wearing... is that a _top hat_?"

"Um, shall we just go and have that drink now?"

"Steph, two of them are coming over to you."

"Which is why we should move away now!"

Raven and Ashione strolled up to them. "Hello." Raven nodded in greeting to them both.

"Hi." Ashione smiled.

"Val – um... Stephenie, we have now arrived." Raven affirmed.

"We felt like we should come over to you and confirm it so you wouldn't worry." Ashione stated.

"Um, yeah... I noticed. Er, thanks?" Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at them.

Ashione tilted her head to the side. "We know it seems patronising of us, but we're under strict instructions."

Raven nodded. "Yeah, it's just that we told Skul – um... Mr Pleasant, that we'd inform you of your arrival."

Valkyrie nodded. "Okay. Well, great you've done that. Now, um... Ricky and I have to leave..."

Ricky smiled at the two pretty girls. "Are you two friends of Stephanie's?"

"No. More like colleagues." Ashione replied.

"Yeah, we only just met her today." Raven was speaking too fast to stop herself.

"Raven. Ashione." Valkyrie warned.

They realised they had already said too much. They smiled politely and waved at Valkyrie and Ricky before turning and positioning their selves across the other side of the hall to stand in their allocated 'watching posts'.

"I thought you didn't know them?" Ricky asked her.

"I don't."

"You knew their names."

"Lucky guess?"

There were interrupted by another greeting. Etheran claw and Dusky Malice were grinning at them.

"Stephenie, are you enjoying your night?" Dusky asked. "No... trouble, yet?"

"Um... no, no. We're all good here, thanks."

Etheran smiled. "Well just let us know if there are any disturbances and we'll... sort it out for you."

"Thanks guys. You can go now. You know... enjoy the party."

"We're embarrassing her." Dusky noted. "We should let her be."

"Sure." Etheran grinned. "Challenge you to an arm wrestle?"

"You're on."

They walked of ribbing each other, playfully arguing over who was the stronger fighter over the two of them.

Ricky arched an eyebrow at Valkyrie. "So... you hired body guards...?"

"I know it looks like that, but it's really not–"

"Stephenie!" Luny Bird cried, rushing over to her.

"Lord, give me strength." Valkyrie sighed.

Luny Bird raised her top hat at them both, signalling her greeting. "Stephenie, Skul says: did you bring your... _you know what_, in case _you know who_ shows up?"

"What?" Ricky frowned.

Valkyrie knew she meant her ring. "Um yes I did. You really didn't have to check."

"Oh but I did! That partner of yours said that I have to check or otherwise he would take my top hat away from me and... well... it's a no-brainer really, isn't it?"

Ricky looked at her. "Yeah, er, why _are_ you wearing a top hat?"

Luny Bird glared at him. "I won't dignify that question with an answer, boy!"

"But, erm..."

"But _nothing_! You have made yourself a power enemy, boy! I'd watch your tongue in the future if I were you!" And with that she strode off to her watching post.

Valkyrie wasn't surprised to see Amara Calla, Holly Swift and Sabrina Sparrow sashay over to her.

"Steph!" Amara grinned, looking at Ricky. "And just who is this?"

"My date." Valkyrie tried to say it in a moderately enthusiastically tone.

Amara winked good-naturedly at him. "Well it's nice to meet you. Valkyrie's really been looking forward to tonight... and now I can see why."

Ricky grinned, his ego thriving. "Well thank you."

Holly joined in, embarrassing Valkyrie. "Steph also never told us just how handsome you are. Although I'm not surprised, she usually goes for the dark and mysterious types."

"Holly!" Valkyrie hissed.

Sabrina smiled at Ricky, placing a hand on his arm. "So tell me, do you have a brother?"

"Or three?" Holly laughed.

"Girls!" Valkyrie snapped. "Don't you have jobs to be doing? Like, now?"

Amara flashed Valkyrie a perfect smile. "Steph, are we embarrassing you?"

"Yes. Now go."

"Fine! Fine! We know where we're not wanted." Amara smiled at Ricky as she walked on. "See you around, handsome."

"Bye, hon." Holly followed after Amara. "Enjoy your evening."

Sabrina winked as she strolled past him. "Later, tiger."

Valkyrie sighed, cheeks burning red. "How about that drink now?"

"I thought you didn't drink?" Ricky smirked at her.

"Yeah well that was before I was mortified. Now let's have a drink."

She led him over to the bar. They sat down side by side on the bar stools.

"What can I get for you?" The barman gave Valkyrie a warm smile.

"I'll have a Bacardi and coke please."

"And I'll have a pint. Thanks, mate."

The bartender nodded and got them their drinks. He presented their drinks to them in fancy cocktail glasses. Ricky paid for the both of them. Valkyrie was about to take a sip when she heard someone shout her name. She looked round and saw her friend from class waving at her from across the hall. She waved back.

While her back was turned, and while no one else was looking, Ricky slipped the little vial of green elixir out from his tux pocket. He slyly emptied it into her drink and shoved the vial back into his pocket. Valkyrie turned and smiled at Ricky. She took a sip of her spiked drink and licked her lips.

"Thanks for buying me the drink, Ricky."

He grinned at her. "It was my pleasure."

**OOOH! We knew he was no good!**

**So, I will put up part 4 soon :)**

**I hope you like it so far :3**

**xoxoxo  
**


	50. Valduggery: A night to remember part 4

**Hello My lovelys :) I hope you're all good and well!**

**Here is Valduggery: A night to remember part 4, and I hope you like it :)**

**Enjoy xoxo  
**

Ricky watched with wicked delight as Valkyrie's eyes fluttered. She had finished off her drink and now the effects of the sleeping drug were working. She was slumping in the seat, her speech was slurred and her eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. And the best part? Everyone would only suspect she was drunk!

"Ricky..." Valkyrie garbled. "I don't feel so good."

Ricky put on his 'concerned' act. "Oh no! What's the matter, babe?"

"I feel weird"

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like I've been druuuuuugggsshhhhheeerrrreddd..." She slurred before blacking out. She lolled forward and slumped against the bar counter top.

"She's had a bit too much to drink." Ricky explained to the spectators who looked round at them when they saw Valkyrie passed out at the bar.

From across the hall, the team of experts noticed that Valkyrie was unconscious sitting next to Ricky. They nominated Holly Swift to go over and investigate, and scowling, she strode over to them. "What's going on here?" She demanded. "What's wrong with Stephenie?"

"Too much to drink." Ricky smiled innocently. "I think I better take her home."

Holly's eyes narrowed. "I don't trust you."

"Well, since I'm her only ride home, you're going to _have_ to trust me."

"You better take her straight home! No shenanigans!"

Ricky smiled devilishly. "You can come too if you like, if you want to keep a _close_ eye on me." He winked.

Holly recoiled from him. "Get real! Just get her home safe okay? Or else!"

His innocent smile returned. "What are dates for?"

He stood and put his arms around Valkyrie. He grunted as he lifted her up and heaved her limp body over his shoulder.

"Later." He winked at Holly before turning and carrying the unconscious girl out of the building.

Sighing, Holly's gaze flickered down to the ground, where she could have sworn she saw something catch the light. She caught sight of a tiny, glass vial on the floor beside where Ricky had been sitting. She bent down and picked it up. She sniffed the open top and registered the scent immediately. Venixia – an extremely powerful sleeping drug.

She ran over to the others to tell them of the news. This was not good.

...

Ricky Carried Valkyrie over to his car. He made sure no one was looking, before he dropped her body into the boot. He got behind the wheel and sped off to Serpine's castle. It was about time revenge was served.

He parked his car outside the castle and got out, his four servants – the hollow men – greeting him. Ricky strode past them. "She's in the boot. Get her out and take her to the dungeons unharmed. Tie her up and then leave. I will go down when I'm ready."

The hollow men couldn't speak so they nodded their understanding. They waited until their master had entered the castle doors before ripping the door off the boot and yanking the sleeping girl out of the car – hollow men didn't have a lot of finesse.

They each took a limb each and carried her inside the castle and down to the dark, depths of the fortress where the dank dungeons resided. Out of laziness they picked the closet cell and threw her inside. One of the hollow men lifted her onto a chair and another one shackled her to it with magic-bound chains. With that they all left, locking the door behinds her, leaving her to find her own way back to consciousness.

...

Ricky was finishing off the last of his banquet-for-one, before he started to hear the screams emanating from his dungeon. He grinned to himself, standing up from the table.

"Well, I suppose it's time I went and talked to my date for this evening."

He slowly strolled down to the underground prison whistling a cheerful tune. He found Valkyrie's chamber and let himself inside. She saw him enter and instantly stopped screaming.

"What do you want with me?" She hissed.

"Oh, come now." Ricky locked the door behind him. "That's no way to talk to your date, now is it, Valkyrie?"

All colour drained from her face. "You know my taken name."

"I do."

"But that means you're a... a..."

"Sorcerer? Yes I am."

"What do you want with me? Why am I here?"

"This is the after party."

"Try again."

He laughed. "Okay, what about: this is my pad – I wanted you to meet my parents."

"Try. Again." She growled.

He grinned at her with devilish glee. "Okay, fine, I'll tell you. I want payback, babe."

"Payback for what?" Valkyrie snapped.

"You killed my father!" Ricky roared, marching over to her. "You and your skeleton detective murdered him!"

"What? I don't even know your father!"

"You're in his old castle right now."

Valkyrie's eyes widened in shock.

"Your father is..."

"Serpine. Yes, my father was Nefarian Serpine."

It took her a few moments to digest this information and gather her thoughts. "Your father was a killer." She said in an ice-cold tone. "He killed my Uncle in cold blood." She growled at him, wanting nothing more than to leap up from her seat and punch him square in the face.

Ricky's temper flared. "Yes! And then _you _killed _my father_ in cold blood! But that doesn't make us even!"

"Serpine was a criminal. He deserved to die."

"SHUT UP!" He roared slapping her hard around the face.

Valkyrie yelped as his hand came down onto her face hard, making her cheek sting and tears form in the corners of her eyes.

Ricky crouched down until he was at eye level with her. With one hand he gruffly grabbed her chin and wrenched her face round to look at him. His face was inches from hers. "You and the skeleton killed my father, and now I'm going to kill you!" He planted a peck on her lips before standing up straight and stepping away from her. "But first... I think a little torture is in order."

He took off his black gloves and raised his right hand, pointing a single red finger at Valkyrie. That index finger was red where it lacked flesh, and the blood and muscle was showing beneath it. He had inherited it from his father whose whole right hand had been red. Ricky had also inherited his dad's impressive power and it was all stored in his index finger. He pointed at Valkyrie, crooking his finger at her... and that was when purple tendrils reached out to her, and she started to scream in agony.

**Okay, so the next part of the story is going to be the big one! Yes the next chapter is dedicated characters that you lent to me and its where we finally get to see them doing some but-kicking!**

**I cant wait to start writing it! I'll update soon - I promise! :D**

**xoxo  
**


	51. Valduggery: A night to remember part 5

**This, m'dears, is: Valduggery: A night to remember part 5**

**And, oh yes... here is where the action starts ;)  
**

"How could you let this happen?" Skulduggery roared, slamming his fist down onto the grand table in his dining room. "I thought I could trust you!"

Sabrina gently put a hand onto his shoulder. She spoke with a soft tone. "We're sorry Skulduggery. But it was an easy mistake to make. It could have happened to anyone."

"Except that it happened to you! To Me! To _my_ Valkyrie!"

"And we are sorry, Skul." Holly put a hand on his other shoulder. "But you too could have made the fault. I mean, did _you_ even consider that Ricky could be the enemy?"

Skulduggery sighed and slumped into his chair. He looked at the team of experts sitting around the table looking at him, waiting for instructions. They were all here: Ashione Flare, Etheran Claw, Dusky Malice, Raven Starlight, Luny Bird, Amara Calla, Holly Swift and Sabrina Sparrow. Raven had changed into a netted dress with a tight corset, adorned with cool army boots and black necromancer arm bracelets. The rest were still looking as attractive -yet slightly intimidating- as before.

"This is all my fault!" Skulduggery grumbled. "I should have bothered to find out more about Ricky. I should have come to prom with her. I should have... I should have..."

"Skulduggery!" Luny Bird barked, firmly. "Stop blaming yourself! This is no one's fault! Now sit up straight. Shoulders back, and give us our instructions on what action to take next! Come on man! I'm in the sixth grade and _I'm_ having to give _you_ a pep-talk!"

Amara Calla gave Luny Bird a slight grin. "Yes, dear, but you _did_ skip grade and graduate collage already. Technically you're already a genius."

"I won't argue with that." Luny Bird smiled.

Amara continued. "Skulduggery, please don't worry. We will fix this. It's our speciality. Please don't worry, old friend. Please?" she sent a beautiful smile his way.

Skulduggery couldn't help but relax at her words. He trusted Amara completely and it wasn't just because of her good looks. "Okay. Okay, so we need to take action. Who has any ideas?"

Raven Starlight stood up. "We need to act immediately. We don't know what Ricky wants Valkyrie for and we don't know what he's got planned. As much as I hate to say it, we should prepare ourselves for the worst. We always work most efficiently when under pressure."

"I agree." Dusky Malice nodded. "We should act now before anything truly awful happens to her. We need to storm into wherever Ricky is holding up and fight until he is dead. Until his evil corpse is lying twisted and mutilated on the floor. Drenched in his own filthy, rotten blood..."

"Dusky...?" Skulduggery looked at her warily. "Are you feeling alright?"

She shook her head sharply, banishing all the bad thoughts from her mind. "Yes. Yes, sorry I'm fine. I'm back."

"Good." He nodded.

Etheran Claw held up his hands diplomatically. "Okay, okay. Let's be realistic here, guys. Say we _did_ find Ricky and beat him into a mushy pulp. It's a good plan –"

"It's a very good plan." Skulduggery mumbled.

Etheran continued. "However, who here actually knows where Ricky's head quarters are? Until we figure that part out, we're screwed."

Ashione Flare jumped up from her seat and stood on the chair, desperate to get her point across. "I will not rest until we find her! Valkyrie has been a dear friend to me for years. She saved me when I was kidnapped by Venomous DarkShadow, and now I'm returning the favour! Now I refuse to sit down until one of us comes up with a plan!"

There was an 'ahem' from the darkened corner of the room and from out of the shadows, stepped Adrasdos Dark. All eyes fell onto her. She was a necromancer vampire with long blonde hair and striking green eyes.

"Sounds like you're all in a bit of a pickle." Adrasdos grinned.

Skulduggery tilted his head at her. "Detective Adrasdos... I haven't seen you in years..." A smile appeared in his tone. "It's about bloody time! How are you keeping?"

"Still awesome. Still a genius. Still tall."

"Adrasdos, we need you."

She nodded. "Yes I know."

"You do?"

"I _am_ a detective."

"Touché."

She copied him and tilted her head. "You need to know where Ricky Blaze is. I can tell you."

"Where is he?"

"Skulduggery, do you actually _know_ who Ricky is?"

"Not really." Skulduggery admitted.

She slowly walked over to him. "Ricky blaze is the adept sorcerer _spawn_ of his evil father, none other than the notorious Nefarian Serpine."

All the faces in the room went slack. Slowly Ashione sat back down in her seat.

"No...way." Luny Bird finally broke the silence.

Adrasdos smiled and nodded. "Yup. So he will be at none other than–"

"Serpine's castle!" Skulduggery jumped up from his seat. "Come on! We might be able to get there before it's too late!

...

Valkyrie was slumping in the chair she was shackled to. Her breathing was shallow and strained. Whenever she tried to move a limb or twist her body into a more comfortable position her muscles would cry out in protest and she couldn't bring herself to do it. The only part of her that she could muster up the strength to move was her head, and she looked up when Ricky started his goading taunts.

"If it's any consolation, you still look hot under torture."

"Shut... up." Valkyrie talked in gasps.

"That's no way to talk to your prom date, is it, now?"

"You won't... get away... with this...Skulduggery... will stop... you."

Ricky crouched down in front of her. "But, baby. He's not here right now is he?"

"He's coming... I know... he is."

"That may be so, sweet cheeks. However, the real issue is whether he gets here quick enough."

"I... hate... you." She spat in his face.

He growled, wiping his face clean with his sleeve. He punched her hard in the side of her face, cracking her cheekbone – making her scream in pain, for her crude behaviour. He stood up and stepped away, keeping his enraged stare fixed onto her.

"You die now!" He roared.

He pulled out a gun and aimed it at her head.

And that was when the dungeon door was blown off its hinges and Skulduggery pleasant burst through the door flanked by Ashione Flare, Etheran Claw, Dusky Malice, Raven Starlight, Luny Bird, Amara Calla, Holly Swift and Sabrina Sparrow – each of them brandishing their weapons, ready to fight.

Ricky grinned at them. "Skulduggery, Etheran, gorgeous Ladies, how nice of you to drop in."

"Step away from Valkyrie." Skulduggery growled.

Ricky threw back his head and laughed maniacally. "Oh how cute! Minions! Attack!"

**So I hope you all liked it :)**

**By the way, for those of you who are missing out on the Valduggery lurve, it will be coming up very soon :)**

**xoxoxo  
**


	52. Valduggery: A night to remember part 6

**Here it is! You wanted but-kicking? I give you exactly that :) So much so that I should warn you that there are some gory bits!**

**This is the last time your characters will be popping up in the this little drabble - so make the most of it, and thank you so much for letting me use your characters, it has been an honour :')**

**So, here I give you:**

**Valduggery: A night to remember part 6**

Suddenly, a pack of nine infected descended upon Skulduggery and the team of experts, dropping from overheard shafts in the ceiling.

"Buggar." Skulduggery muttered.

The infected lunged at random people, relying on their savage brutality now that the element of surprise was out of the bag. Their jagged teeth tried to rip through the skin of their opponents, they tried to swipe and lash out at them.

But their opponents were just that little bit better.

"TEAM!" Skulduggery roared over the snarling infected. "ATTACK!"

And on that word, the sorcerers were in action.

An infected with blood dripping down her chin pounced at Ashione Flare. She ducked under its swipe laughing at its pathetic attempts to harm her. As if someone of Ashione's intelligence could be thwarted by a mere infected! Ashione spun on her heel and lashed out a side-kick into the infected's side and it stumbled back. Ashione jumped high into the air and thrust her legs out in front of her, the heels of her boots slamming into its face. The infected stumbled back and sprawled awkwardly onto the floor. Ashione walked over to it smugly and crouched beside it. She grabbed onto its head, and with a sickening _crack _she wrenched its neck one hundred and eighty degrees, and killed it.

However the infected kept on coming. Etheran Claw saw one of the infected tearing its way through the crowd to get to him, so Etheran used his super-speed to run straight at him. The infected was momentarily stunned to see his attacker coming straight for him and skidded to a stop. One he pulled himself together, he continued to charge at Etheran who teleported so he was standing behind the infected. He grabbed onto the crazed near-vampire by the scruff of its neck and yanked him back. He pulled out a sword from his scabbard and plunged it into the infected's back so it was poking through the other side. Etheran withdrew his swords and put it away, watching happily as the monster fell forward in a heap on the floor and died.

Another infected attacked, aiming its advance onto Raven Starlight. Raven jumped high, dodging out of the monster's swipe. She flipped in the air, sailing over the infected's head and landed gracefully behind it. The infected turned to her and snarled.

Raven laughed. "Are you coming on to me? Sorry, pal, I don't date anyone outside my species!"

With that, Raven kicked the near-vampire's legs out from beneath him and he clumsily fell to the ground. Before he could even make a move, Raven was bringing down her black onyx katana on him and with a clean, swift motion, she had decapitated him and the headless body fell limply – the head rolling off somewhere into the darkness. Raven promised herself she would find it later and take it home with her, as some sort of a... battle trophy.

Luny Bird stood in the mist of the fight, giggling with devilish glee, trying to decipher with infected to strike down in its prime. She saw one – a female – staggering towards her and decided to go for that one. Luny Bird bounded up to one, drawing her sword. She wanted to toy with this creature – to mess with its head a little before killing it. She swiped at it, and sliced of its arm, smiling as the infected screamed in pain. She twirled and lashed out at the creature with her trusty sword again, taking a chunk out of its thigh. Luny Bird giggled as she continued her deathly dance, hacking away at the infected. Once she began to grow tired of the lethal ballet, she sighed and plunged the sword deep into the monster's belly. When she withdrew it, the infected collapsed, already dead.

Another creature-of-the-night saw what Luny Bird had just done, and lunged at her. However before it could make contact, Amara Calla jumped into its path. The infected stopped dead in his tracks, beguiled by the beauty of Amara – a trait she had inherited from her mother, China Sorrows. She smiled at the monster before drawing the daggers from her sleeves, and settling into a battle stance.

"Come get some." Amara dared.

The infected growled, enticed by the offer and powered towards her. Amara threw one of the daggers and it sliced through the monster's foot and into the floor, pinning him to the spot. He tried to tug away but the pain made him weak and he became helpless. Amara laughed at the sitting duck before her and threw the other dagger straight at his forehead. It stabbed him straight in the head, and after a few seconds of frantic twitching, he fell to the floor dead. Amara strolled over to him and took back both of her daggers, wiping the blood on the dead body's tattered clothes before stashing them up her sleeves again.

Sabrina followed suit, like the rest of her companions and picked a near-vampire to kill. She saw one on the other side of the room with its back to her and she decided to lunge at it. She soared across the room, leg angled out, and ready to slam into the back of its head. Her heel connected with the infected and it stumbled forward. Sabrina Landed in a crouch position and watched the infected get back onto its feet, copying its slow movements. The infected staggered towards her and Sabrina cart-wheeled out of the way, drawing her revolver from the holster strapped to her thigh as she did. She stood tall and shot five bullets into the monster's chest, smiling as it fell dead before her.

Adrasdos Dark took it upon herself to pick out an infected and finish it off. She saw one limping towards her and almost laughed at how easy fighting it would be. She leaped at it, pushing it to the ground forcefully and sat with her knees pinned down onto his chest. She started off the attack by punching him in the face several times just to disorientate him. Next she decided to humiliate him further by fiercely raking a hand across his face and half ripping it to shreds with her long, strong fingernails. It cried out in agony and Adrasdos jumped off of his chest and stood over him.

"Time to finish you off." She told him. "You shouldn't have been one of the bad guys."

Adrasdos grunted with effort as she kicked him in the head, the sheer force allowing her foot to sail through his skull and crash through the other side. With his brain kicked out of his head, Adrasdos knew the creature was dead.

Holly Swift was impressed at how her friends were handling the fight. She saw the infected army falling like flies around her. She admired how Skulduggery had grabbed an infected by its hair and yanked it backwards. She watched as Skulduggery beat the creature senseless, and when it felt to the ground dizzily, and Skulduggery shot it twice in the chest, Holly couldn't help but grin.

However, her smile faded when she saw the last infected of the pack sprinting at her. She waited for the creature-of-the-night to get just close enough so that she could jump up and kick it square in the face. It stumbled back, eyes wide with surprise.

"You're going to have to do better than that, mate! That was pathetic!"

The infected roared with anger and ran at her again. Holly sighed at him, and clicked her fingers, summoning a flame into her hand. She hurled a fire ball at the monster's chest. The infected shrieked in pane and tried to smother the flames.

"Here, let me help." Holly growled at him.

She slammed a wall of air into him, blowing out the flames and sweeping him of his feet at the same time. He flew across the room and smashed into the wall with a gut-wrenching thud. Holly could practically hear his spine crack and splinter as he hit the stones and she knew he was dead.

And just like that all the infected were dead and only one villain stood.

Ricky Blaze.

They all made a move towards him, but Dusky Malice stepped in front of them and halted her friends. They all looked at her.

"No." She told them, looking straight at Ricky. "He is _mine_."

The others nodded, respecting her wishes and took a step back.

"You may want to leave now." Dusky warned them.

The others knew what was coming, and so Ashione Flare, Etheran Claw, Adrasdos Dark Raven Starlight, Luny Bird, Amara Calla, Holly Swift and Sabrina Sparrow left the dungeon, leaving only Skulduggery, Valkyrie – still tied to the chair, watching the violent scene, completely horrified – and Dusky Malice, looming over Ricky in the large cell.

Dusky glared at Ricky, and before he could even try to make a run for it, Dusky pointed a finger at him and instantly both his shin bones snapped and he fell to his knees. He screamed in agony and curled into a ball on the floor, clutching his broke legs, desperately biting back tears of pain.

"Skulduggery!" Dusky called to the skeleton detective, not daring to tear her gaze away from Ricky. "You take care of Valkyrie... I'll see to this one."

Ricky whimpered at her words, knowing full well what Dusky was planning on doing to him. However, Skulduggery nodded at her instructions and turned to Valkyrie who was shackled to the chair, eyes wide with fright.

**Okay guys, drop me a review if you want, let me know what you thought - they really make me smile, and I could do with some cheering up right now as I've broken my toe! Clumsy me!**

**The next part will be the last part of the 'Valduggery: A night to remember' drabbles, and I cant wait to put it up here and let you all read it :D**

**And in case you were wondering... yes, the next chapter will have lots of VALDUGGERY ROMANCE! ;)**

**xoxo**


	53. Valduggery: A night to remember part 7

**This is it! The last part, and its called Valduggery: A night to remember part 7!**

**Ive decided the next chapter will be a nice, short, one-shot little drabble. LOL!  
**

**Speaking of which, I'm sorry this part is so long, I had to pack in lots of... romance! ;)**

**I hope you like it!**

**(P.S. I added Kenspeckle into it because... well, just because :) heh heh)  
**

Skulduggery ran to the chair where Valkyrie was shackled. Crouching beside her he used sheer force fuelled by his own seething rage to rip the chains off of her. Now that there was nothing keeping her sitting up she slumped forward and he caught her in his willing arms. She trued to mumble something to him along the lines of 'It's good to see you' but her heavy tongue couldn't make the words coherent.

"Shh." He soothed her. "It's going to be okay. I'm here now; it's going to be okay." He looked over at Dusky who was standing over the helpless Ricky Blaze. "Dusky, go ahead… do your thing."

Dusky nodded and stared at Ricky. She felt the coldness deep inside of her and began to let it flow effortlessly though her body. "Come on." She called softly to her dark side. "Come on, come out to play. We have work to do."

At those simple words the evil side of Dusky Malice ripped its self out of the small cage it was locked in at the back of her mind. Dusky smiled a deliciously wicked smile and intensified her glare onto Ricky.

Skulduggery leaned in closer to Valkyrie and whispered into her ear. "Don't look."

Valkyrie complied and squeezed her eyes shut tight.

Ricky looked up at Dusky and he knew what was coming, his eyes widening in fear. "No!" he yelled. "NO!" He screamed, trying to crawl away from her.

"You pathetic little worm!" Dusky snapped.

She glared at Ricky and he froze, all of his muscles tensing up, incapacitating him. He tried to scream but his throat was closed up and all he could manage was to gag, dribble rolling down his chin. Then he began to feel the pain. He began to feel the agony when his bone simultaneously cracked and snapped, caving in on them selves. He writhed in anguish as his organs burst and his blood boiled. His own flesh began to peel from his body and within a mere ten seconds it was all over. Ricky was dead. Dusky had mutilated him.

The good side of Dusky quickly reeled her evil side back in, ignoring how it mentally grappled and scrambled to stay in control. Dusky dropped to her knees and screamed as her evil side was unwillingly locked back inside its little cage in the back of her mind. She kneeled on the floor panting, clutching her chest.

Etheran ran back into the cell when he heard a scream. He saw Dusky on the floor, gasping for breath. He crouched beside her and scooped her up into his arms. Lifting her from the ground he looked back at Skulduggery.

"We're off now Skul – all of us."

Skulduggery looked at him and nodded "Okay. Thank you Etheran. Thanks to all of you. I am forever in you're debt."

Etheran smiled. "Hey, we're the heroes, it's what we do. Now call us if you ever need us again, okay, mate?"

"Yeah, sure thing, pal."

Ethan nodded at Valkyrie. "Look after that one. She's special." And with that he left, carrying Dusky with him.

Skulduggery looked back at Valkyrie who still had her eyes clamped tight. "Val, you can open your eyes now. The worst is over."

Valkyrie slowly opened her eyes and saw the messy pile of flesh and guts that used to be her prom date, Ricky. She couldn't help it, she started to cry. She wasn't sure what she was upset at most: The fact that she was in pain, the fact that she was terrified, the fact that her 'date' had betrayed her, or simply the fact that she had missed prom. Her hair and make-up that she has spent ages perfecting had been ruined, her gorgeous dress had been ripen and torn to shreds, and she didn't even get to have that one special dance, with that one special person and kiss them under the disco ball.

Skulduggery lifted her into his arms so that he was cradling her against his chest. She turned her head in towards him and buried her face against his torso, her ragged tears that ripped from her chest, flowing freely from her mascara-smudged eyes, soaking through his shirt and damping his breastbone.

He carried her out of the dungeon, down the stone hallways, and up the many stone stair cases, until they were at the castle doors. He kicked them down, making a special effort not to jolt the sobbing girl in his arms too much. He walked over to his Bentley and gently slid Valkyrie into the passenger seat, buckling the seat belt round her. He got in behind the wheel and they sped off as far away from Serpine's castle as fast as possible.

Valkyrie was curled up in the seat beside him in the foetal position, her hands covering her face, crying softly. Skulduggery felt his imaginary heart shatter at the sight of her and reached out his hand to hers. She took it and laced her fingers between his.

After ten minutes of driving and having to endure Valkyrie's heart-crippling tears, Skulduggery pulled over and turned to look at her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

She shook her head, not looking up at him. "No."

"Are you in any pain? Are you hurt?"

"Everywhere."

"Would you like me to take you to go and see Ken speckle?"

"No."

When he spoke next it was with the utmost tenderness. "Would you like a hug?"

She didn't answer, instead she just looked up at him and held her arms out. Skulduggery was lightning-quick to scoot over to her and take her into his arms. He clutched onto her and shifted her so that she was sitting on his lap on the driver's side of the Bentley.

Valkyrie curled into his chest, nestling her face into his shoulder, her arms entwining around his neck. He returned her embrace by wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling his skull into her hair.

"It's okay, it's okay." He soothed. "Please don't cry, you're safe now."

"Skulduggery," She choked out. "I look awful!"

"You've been kidnapped and tortured. Under the circumstances I think you've done very well."

"That's not what I meant."

He inched her back by her shoulders so that he could look at her. One of his hands cradled her face, his thumb brushing over her delicate, tear-stained cheek. "Then what _did_ you mean?"

Her tears fell even faster, landing on his thumb and trickling down his gloved, bony hand. "Because this was supposed to be my _prom_ night! This was supposed to be the most special night of my life! I had the perfect dress, my hair and makeup looked great, I was having a fun night, and now it's all ruined! Every prom I've ever tried to go to has been out of reach and the one I actually get to go to is spoilt–"

Skulduggery pressed a finger to her trembling lips. "Calm down." He said softly. "You're getting yourself into a state."

"I can't help it." She mumbled. "For once I just wanted a normal evening, with normal people, where I could at least try to look beautiful."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Skulduggery tiled his head at her. "Don't you ever say that ever again, Val. You already _are_ beautiful."

She looked up at him, big brown eyes sparkling. "You… you think I'm… _beautiful?"_

"I _know_ you're beautiful, Valkyrie Cain."

For the first time that evening she smiled at him, and she knew that if he could, he would be smiling back.

There was a pause.

"Come on!" Skulduggery suddenly said very cheerfully. "We better get going before it's too late!" He carefully slid her back into her seat."

She pouted at him. "I said I didn't want to go to see Kenspeckle."

He sped off down the road, one hand still affectionately holding onto hers. He glanced at her sideways. "We're not going to Kenspeckle's."

"Where _are_ we going, then?"

"You'll see." A smile in his tone.

After half an hour Skulduggery pulled up outside the hall where the prom had been held. It had obviously finished hours ago and Valkyrie wondered what god-awful time it was in the morning.

"What are we doing here?" She frowned slightly. "The proms over. End of."

"Don't be so pessimistic!"

He got out of the car – putting on a façade that gave him shaggy, light, brown hair and matching brown eyes – and walked round to her side. He opened it and lifted her out, kicking the door shut behind them. He carried her into the prom hall and heard her audibly sigh when she saw how 'over' it really was. All of the kids were gone; the only people left were the bartenders, the DJ and a clean-up crew that had arrived.

"Please can we just go?" Valkyrie groaned closing her eyes.

Skulduggery set her down on a chair and crouched in front of her until he was at eye level. She looked deep into his gorgeous brown eyes, suddenly feeling a little beguiled by the way they were transfixed on her.

"Valkyrie." He said firmly. "You wanted to enjoy your prom, and you're going to do just that. Now sit here and stop complaining, okay?"

She pouted as he stood up straight and walked away from her, over to the DJ. Skulduggery nodded at him when he looked up.

"Hello." Skulduggery smiled.

"'ight, mate." The DJ replied in an East End London accent.

"Listen," Skulduggery leaned on the mix table, looking at the DJ straight on. "How would you like to do me a favour?"

"Depends on what it is, don't it, mate?"

"I need you to play this song for me." Skulduggery handed him a slip of paper with his handwriting on it.

"Naa! No way, mate. I'm closed, init."

Skulduggery took out his wallet and pulled a £20 note from it. He waved it in front of the DJ's face. "Are you still closed?"

The DJ snatched the note from Skulduggery. "Okay, fine you got one song."

The DJ looked at the scrap of paper in his hand. He put on the song written on it: Matt Cardle's version of "The First Time" and Skulduggery nodded at him in thanks. He turned and began walking back to Valkyrie who was staring at him, smiling. He nodded at the bartender who dinned the lights and put on the ceiling spot lights.

Valkyrie watched him, stunned, as he walked over to her. He held out his hand to her and she took it. Slowly he beckoned her to her feet and led her out to the middle of the dance floor. He stopped under the biggest spotlight and smiled as he twirled her once, slowly. Once she was facing him again he smiled radiantly at her. Today's façade was particularly handsome.

His gloved hand lingered, closing around hers, and ever so gently he laced his fingers with hers. He pulled her closer so that her body was pressed against him. Her free hand automatically rested against his chest at the same time his free hand found the small of her back.

"I know I'm not you're ideal prom date," Skulduggery began. "But I'm afraid you'll just have to settle for me. Do you want to dance?"

"I... I can't dance." She stammered, her eyes locked onto his.

He chuckled softly. Effortlessly, he lifted her and placed her feet on top of his. "You can now." He smiled, and they began to waltz.

She grinned as they spun and pirouetted to the beautiful song. "This is my favourite song you know." Her voice quiet.

"I know." His voice equally as hushed. "I heard you playing it in your room before."

"You notice _everything._"

He shrugged. "Well... most things."

Sighing happily she let go of Skulduggery's hand and instead wrapped it around his neck, resting her head against his chest. His free hand went to the back of her head, gently stroking her hair.

He started singing to her, in his gloriously velvet voice.

"_The first time,_

_Ever I saw your face,_

_I thought the sun,_

_Rose in your eyes."_

Valkyrie stared at him, hypnotised. She didn't know he could sing. Not like _that. _He continued.

"_And the moon and the stars,_

_Were the gifts you gave,_

_To the dark,_

_And the empty skies."_

Skulduggery took his hand away from her hair, and when she looked up at him he delicately pressed it to her breastbone, feeling her heart beat.

"_The first time,_

_Ever I lay with you,_

_I felt your heart,_

_So close to mine."_

Valkyrie closed a hand around the one that was resting gently on her chest and she too could feel her heart beat. Their dancing started to slow until eventually they stopped.

"Valkyrie..." Skulduggery murmured. "You look _so_ beautiful tonight."

"Even with a torn dress and messy hair?" She whispered.

"Even more so." He whispered back.

There was a few seconds of silence while they looked intently at each other.

"Do you remember what you said to me today before you went to prom? About the perfect prom date?"

She nodded. "I said: 'she goes to prom, has that one special dance with that once special person, and then they kiss under the disco ball'. Why?"

He pointed upwards. She looked up and saw the glittery disco ball above them.

"Val, I'm sorry I can't be that one special person, but we've already danced tonight, and we _are_ standing under the disco ball, so..."

Before he could continue she put both hands either side of his face and crushed her lips against his, enjoying the feeling. She pulled away and looked at him, smiling. She bit her lip nervously.

"Sorry." She mumbled. "I just... I couldn't leave it at two out of three."

"Two out of three?" He echoed, raiding an eyebrow.

"Yes. I _danced_ with the _perfect guy_ and _kissed him _under the _disco ball._"

"Perfect guy?"

"That's _you_, stupid."

He grinned at her. "Oh."

She laughed. "Please stop standing there looking gorgeous and kiss me."

He didn't need telling twice. He took her in his arms and pressed his lips against hers, taking great joy in how she folded so perfectly into his arms and how their lips seemed to melt together.

Oh yes. This certainly was a night to remember.

**So I hope you enjoyed it. I have a cute idea for my next drabble and I'm sure you will love it!**

**... or at least I hope you will! :')**

**Also I was thinking of starting a new songfic story (as well as keeping this one going of course!) What do you think? Good idea or bad idea? Let me know :)**

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxo  
**


	54. Valduggery: The Broom Closet

**Here we are my lovelys! A typical Valduggery drabble with a cheesy title - I hope you all like it, let me know if you do :)**

**I'm not going to lie to you - it ended up a little bit longer than expected... um, oops!**

**This idea was planted in my brain by Holly Swift - so a round of applause for her :)  
**

**Just to let you know, it gets a little... er, steamy... towards the end. Take that as you will :P**

**Also, do you remember the all-over-facade from my 'beach trip' drabbles? Well I've used it here again :)**

**Enjoy!  
**

Skulduggery peered inside the broom closet looking for his hat. Valkyrie had hidden his favourite hat out of pure spite, for not letting her accompany him on an extremely dangerous mission and now he had been left to his own devices to find it. He sighed heavily. She was eighteen now, and her temper tantrums should have stopped years ago. Then again – like he had said before – Valkyrie was not your typical teenager.

"It's not in here either!" He groaned.

He was about to turn and walk away, when someone shoved him hard from behind, and he clumsily fell into the broom closet. He turned to look at his attacker but the door had already closed and been locked with a soft _click._

He jumped onto his feet and dived for the door handle, yanking at it to open. It didn't budge. He pounded his fists heavily on the door. Whoever was out there had him right where he wanted him. Locked up. Helpless. Vulnerable.

And Valkyrie….

Whoever was out there was alone with her! His poor Valkyrie. He began to curse himself for making this door impervious to magic.

"OPEN UP!" He roared, smashing his fists against the door. "LET ME OUT IMMEDIATELY! WHO ARE YOU? STATE YOUR CASE!"

He heard a devilishly angelic laugh from he other side that he knew oh-so-well.

"Valkyrie?" He asked. "Is that you? What are you playing at? Let me out this instant!"

She laughed even harder.

"Valkyrie Cain, what is the meaning of this? Why have you locked me inside of my own bound broom closet?"

She laughed so hard, he could hear her crying with laughter.

He sighed. "I'm really not finding this funny."

"I am." She giggled.

"Why have you locked me in here?"

"Why do you _think?_"

"We're playing a very realistic game of assassins and hostages?"

"No."

"You've turned to the dark side and are trying to imprison me inside a closet?"

"Try again."

He chuckled softly to himself. "Is this all because I went on a mission without you?"

Silence of the other side of the door.

"Well is it?" He probed.

"Maybe." She muttered.

"Look, Val, You have to understand – or at least, you have to _try_ to understand."

"Do I?"

"Please, Val. It was a dangerous mission – more dangerous than usual. An army of fallen angels hell-bent of destroying the country, ripping to pieces anything or anyone in its path."

"So?" She snapped sulkily.

"So," He continued. "When I get pulled apart I can put myself back together… you cant. I don't want you to get hurt… I don't want to lose you."

There was silence on the other side of the door.

Skulduggery sighed. "I'm sorry, Val. Please, open the door."

There was a few seconds of silence before he heard the door unlock and the handle turn. Valkyrie opened the door and stood in the doorway smiling.

Skulduggery tilted his head so that she knew he was smiling.

Then before she could say anything, he was grabbing her wrist and yanking her into the closet with him. He quickly pulled the door shut behind her and leaned on it.

"What are you doing?" She looked at him furiously.

"Giving you a taste of your own medicine." He said smugly.

"Do you realise what you've done?" She said through gritted teeth.

"_Really_ annoyed you?"

"You've just locked us in here!"

He nodded. "I know. And now you can't get out."

"Yes! And neither can _you, _you idiot!"

Skulduggery went silent for a few moments. Then he very quietly cursed.

"Well this is just brilliant!" Valkyrie snapped. "We're locked in a magic-bound broom closet, there is no one else in the house, neither of us has our mobiles and nobody knows we're here! This is just _peachy_!"

"Look on the bright side." Skulduggery offered, cheerfully.

"What bright side?"

"You always say that we never spend time with each other anymore. Who knows how long we're going to be stuck in here! We could have a whole _night_ of socialising in here!"

"If it wasn't so dark in here and I could see you, I would so be punching you right now."

Skulduggery laughed. "As if there was enough room in here to do that. Take one step forward and you'll collide with me as it is."

It was true. The closet was incredibly cramped. There was barely enough room in here for one person, let alone too. Valkyrie shifted uncomfortably.

"Ow." She mumbled.

"What is it?" He asked.

"There's something digging into my back."

"A broom, perhaps?"

"Yeah, you're not funny." She tried to shift out of its way again, but was unsuccessful. "I think it's a fishing rod."

"A definite possibility."

"Since when do you go fishing?"

"On occasion."

She growled in frustration, getting annoyed with the way the angular object was making her back twinge in pain.

Skulduggery sighed. "Come over here."

"What? No there's no room!"

"Well we're going to have to make do."

He wrapped his hand around her wrist and tugged her over to his side of the closet where they squished up together in a corner. Valkyrie was pressed against him, and with nowhere to put her arms she rested them against his chest. Skulduggery felt weird with his arms hanging limply by his sides so he gawkily placed them on her shoulders.

"Well." Valkyrie mumbled. "This is... cosy."

"Um... Yeah. Very... snug."

There was a painfully awkward silence that followed.

"So..." Skulduggery said. "How are... things?"

"Um... things are good."

"Good. Good."

There was more silence.

"This is really awkward." Valkyrie whispered.

When Skulduggery spoke, he sounded offended. "You... feel awkward around me?"

Valkyrie frowned. "No, that's not what I meant."

"What _did_ you mean?"

"I meant that it felt weird being this close to you. You know, physically."

"Good weird, or bad weird?"

That was an odd question. "Um, well it's not... bad. I mean, I've been thinking about something like this happening for years, but–" She began talking too fast and couldn't stop herself quick enough.

_Stop talking! _Her mind screeched.

She felt Skulduggery go rigid against her.

There was a pause where the only sound that could be heard was Valkyrie's nervous breathing.

"What were you about to say, Valkyrie?" He asked, very quietly.

She decided to lie. "Um. Nothing."

"Tell me the truth."

"I am."

"You're a bad liar."

"No I'm not."

"So you admit you were lying?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Wait – no!" She quickly added, shaking her head.

When Skulduggery spoke, there was something different in his voice. Smugness, perhaps? "Valkyrie, do you... _like_ me?"

"Um..."

"Tell me the truth, Val."

His hands were slowly trailing down her bare arms, giving her skin goose bumps. Logical thought was becoming a harder process for her. His hands stopped when they reached her own delicate hands. He laced his fingers with hers and squeezed gently, and suddenly all her defences shattered.

"Well..." She gulped. "Um... yes."

"Well then, thank God we're locked in a broom closet."

He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her impossibly close. He waited for her to make a move so that he knew it was okay to continue. When she entwined her arms around his neck, he knew she was comfortable and laughed gently. He lifted her and sat her on a low shelf that was, roughly, at the same height of a kitchen counter, so that they were eye level – knocking what was sitting on there out of the way.

Valkyrie pulled off his tie and began to undo his shirt buttons – but only the first few. She slipped her hands under his shirt and tapped the tattoos etched into his collar bones. The all-over-façade appeared over his skeletal frame and Valkyrie smiled when she felt warm skin under her palms.

Skulduggery pressed himself against her, putting his hands on her hips, pulling her towards his frame, feeling her legs wrap around him. His hands trailed up to her waist where they lingered for a while before wandering up to her collar bone, where his fingers lightly traced her skin. One of his hands settled for her shoulder while the other made it all the way up to her cheek where it cradled her face.

Valkyrie allowed her hands to rest against his toned torso so that she could feel his breathing pick up pace. She resisted the urge to sigh happily when she felt his skin brush against hers.

Skulduggery inclined his face towards Valkyrie. He leaned in and lightly kissed her neck. Valkyrie bit her lips so that she wouldn't make any involuntary noises. He began to trail gentle kisses up her neck to her jaw line. He continued his kisses at the edges of her lips, savouring the moment.

Valkyrie grabbed onto his shirt collar and impatiently clutched him closer to her. "Just kiss me." She whispered.

He pressed his lips to hers without anymore haste, and they both felt the fireworks that went off inside both of them. The kiss built and grew, emotions spiralling out of control, breathing becoming more ragged, and heartbeats accelerated.

Valkyrie pulled away, panting. "How long before you think someone finds us?"

Skulduggery replied, also out of breath. "I don't know. We could be in her for hours yet."

"Oh, I hope so." She mumbled.

She grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him back against her and their lips crushed together again.

Neither of them cared if they were ever rescued from this wonderful broom closet.

**Well, how was it? Did you like it?**

**I hope you did!**

**Also, I'm taking story suggestions from anyone - so all your ideas are more than welcome :)**

**Thank you!**

**xoxo  
**


	55. Valduggery: The Broom Closet part 2

**Okay, so Sneaky Lunatic Spy suggested that I do a part two, and her it is: Valduggery: The Broom Closet part 2!**

**And for everyone else who gave me a suggestion - yes I will get round to writing about ALL of them :)**

**I hope you like this story :)**

Valkyrie tugged her shirt back on as Skulduggery did up his shirt buttons.

"Well," Skulduggery's eyes flickered over to her, a sly grin bursting onto his face. "That certainly killed a few hours."

Valkyrie laughed. "It did. Would I be killing the moment if I said I would like to be found now, though? I'm _really_ hungry."

She was still sitting on the low shelf and Skulduggery put his hands on her hips, and pulled her against him again. "Yeah, it kind of does." He kissed her neck. "But don't worry, I'll forgive you."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. She liked Skulduggery having a body. She liked the feel of his skin, and the softness of his hair, and she sparkle in his eyes even if it was all technically fake. He kept kissing her neck with tender pecks, until her stomach growled loudly.

Skulduggery laughed. "You and your _human moments_!"

"I know, right?" She rolled her eyes sarcastically.

She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips to his.

That was when the door was yanked open and Tanith Low stood in the doorway. She saw the mysterious man with his hands all over Valkyrie. She saw red and lunged on the man with blind fury. She grabbed onto his shirt collar and yanked him off her best friend, flinging him to the ground. Pinning him to the floor with her foot on his chest, she withdrew her sword from its scabbard and held it to his neck.

"Who the hell are you and what were you doing in there touching up my best friend!" Tanith snapped.

Valkyrie ran out of the closet and dropped to her knees beside Skulduggery. "Tanith! Stop!"

"Sorry, Val. You need to step aside and let me take care of this _perv_!"

"Tanith!" Skulduggery grunted, rubbing his sore head. "What the hell are you doing? It's me!"

Tanith's eyes widened. She dropped her sword and it fell to the ground with a clatter. "OH MAN!" She squeaked. "OH MAN–OH MAN–OH MAN–OH MAN–OH MAN!"

"Tan, chill out!" Valkyrie stressed as she helped Skulduggery into a sitting position.

"Valkyrie, we _need_ to talk!" Tanith snapped.

She grabbed onto Valkyrie's wrist and yanked her to her feet. She dragged her best friend all the way up the stairs and into the guest bedroom in Skulduggery's house. Tanith stormed into the room, ushering Valkyrie inside and shut the door behind her. Valkyrie looked at her friend nervously.

"Um," Valkyrie mumbled. "Now, I know what you just saw may have shocked you. And I know you may think that I'm being reckless, and irresponsible, and downright stupid... but–"

"Valkyrie!" Tanith barked, interrupting her. "Enough with the excuses!"

"Sorry." Valkyrie looked down at her feet. She noticed she only had one sock on. Where had the other one gone? She thought of the possibilities and almost giggled. She looked up at Tanith again and saw that she was beaming at her.

"Why are you smiling?" Valkyrie asked, unsettled. "I thought I was in trouble?"

Tanith's grin grew even bigger. "You will be if you don't dish every little morsel off gossip you have right this instant!"

Valkyrie laughed, throwing her head back. "That is such a relief! I thought you were mad at me!"

"No way! I couldn't be happier!"

"Really?"

"Yes! I've been waiting for this for years! Now tell me _everything!"_

Valkyrie blushed a deep red. "Uh, everything?"

"Why, what did you do?"

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at her friend who cupped both hands over her mouth.

"OHMYGOSH!" Tanith squealed. "You didn't!"

Valkyrie was too embarrassed to answer so she just gave her a knowing look.

"Oh my God, Val. Like, seriously, oh my God!" Tanith grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"Okay," Valkyrie held her hands up defensively. "Well, we were stuck in there for hours!"

"Oh, Val." Tanith laughed as she shook her head. "That is priceless!"

"It's really not that funny." Valkyrie sighed.

"Oh it's _hilarious!_ I mean, I've heard of seven minutes in heaven but that is just so funny!"

Sighing again, Valkyrie reached out and flicked her best friend in-between the eyes.

"OW!" Tanith snapped, frowning.

Valkyrie was about to discipline Tanith, but that was when there was a knock on the door. Skulduggery popped his head inside of the room; he was still wearing the façade from earlier.

"Well hello, Mr Lucky." Tanith winked at him and Valkyrie groaned at her rubbish joke.

"Hi, Ladies." Skulduggery smiled at them. "Um, Tanith, Ghastly called. He said there was an emergency at the shop and he needed your help."

Tanith jumped up to her feet, already in her fighting mode. "Emergency? What kind?"

"I'm not sure, he didn't say. You'd better go check."

Tanith nodded. "Right. Thanks, Skul." She headed for the door. "I'll see you guys later."

"Bye, Tan!" Valkyrie called, but she was already gone. She got to her feet and started towards Skulduggery who was shutting the bedroom door behind him, and walking further into the room. "What do you think the emergency was?" Valkyrie asked him, concerned.

Skulduggery walked over to Valkyrie and swept her up in his arms. "Oh, Val. You really are _so_ naive."

Suddenly the penny dropped and she grinned. "There's no emergency, is there? You just wanted to get rid of her, didn't you?"

"And the great Valkyrie Cain finally gets it!"

She laughed. "So now were all alone, I take it?"

"Completely alone." Skulduggery grinned.

"Now _that_, is what I like to hear."

Skulduggery kissed her neck. "I know what _I'd_ like to hear." He mumbled against her skin.

She giggled and wriggled free of his grip. "Wait a second. I need to show you something."

She walked over to the bed and reached under the pillow. She pulled out a navy blue fedora and waved it at Skulduggery.

"My hat!" he exclaimed.

Valkyrie put his hat on and laid down on the bed, slightly propped up on the pillows. She pulled the hat low over her eyes and smiled at him. "Skulduggery Pleasant, I am officially holding your hat hostage. If you want it back... you're going to have to come and get it!"

Skulduggery grinned. "With pleasure."

**It was a little cheesy and a little bit... suggestive, but I hope you liked it :)**

**I will update soon :)**

**Thank you muchly my lovelys :)**

**xoxo  
**


	56. Valduggery: Remembering torture part 1

**This was one one the brilliant ideas brought forward to me, and it came from the amazing mind of the one and only Harmony-Rose Temptation.**

**Thanks again, m'dear!**

**This story is goint to be in two parts, and this is just part one, entitled: Valduggery: Remembering torture part 1**

**Just something to remember - Valkyrie is in her twenties, and her and Skulduggery are already a couple.**

**Enjoy! :)  
**

Skulduggery Pleasant let out a long, exasperated, sulky sigh. Once again he had managed to end up in a right pickle. Once again, he had landed in the middle of a big mess. Once again he was captured, shackled to a chair in a pitch-black room. And now of course he had to wait. His capturer had him right where they wanted him, and now they were making him wait for them to put in an appearance. Skulduggery sighed again. He hated it when people weren't punctual when it came to torture.

He heard a soft click from the far side of the room, followed by a door handle being turned. There was a creaking sound, as a door slowly opened and someone turned the light on. Skulduggery looked up to see the face of today's enemy...

Skulduggery faltered.

If he had eyes they would have bulged out of his head. If he had a heart it would have raced. If he had a brow, sweat would have beaded there. Oh dear God.

"No." Skulduggery whispered. "No. No, this can't be true. You're dead."

"Well, as you can see, my old enemy... I am not dead. I am here in the flesh."

"But I killed you."

"Yes you did. Bloody well, thanks a bunch for that too, by the way!"

"How are you here? How did you come back? You're supposed to be a pile of ash!"

"But I'm not."

"You. Are. Supposed. To. Be. Dead." Skulduggery growled.

"Says the skeleton." Serpine stepped into the light and grinned down at Skulduggery. "Let's get this party started, shall we?" He rolled up his sleeves.

"How the hell did you come back?" Skulduggery snapped.

"Temper, temper!" Serpine wagged his finger in Skulduggery's face. "Getting angry won't help your situation."

"HOW DID YOU COME BACK?" Skulduggery roared.

Serpine threw back his head and laughed. "I'm not giving away any secrets, Detective. However I will just say this, you're not the only one whose spirit didn't move on after he died. You're not the only one who was tied to the Earth because of their hatred. And you're not the only one who has ever required help from a necromancer!"

"Necromancy brought you back?" Skulduggery scoffed. "So, what, a random necromancer was walking by one day and randomly stumbled across your ashes?"

"In a round-a-bout way, I guess you could say that."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't have to. Because all that matters right now is that I'm back, you're shackled to a chair, and we have a very special guest visiting us."

"A guest?" Skulduggery asked, sounding a little nervous.

At that moment, the door to the cell opened a second time, and a hand-cuffed Valkyrie Cain was shoved into the room. She was badly injured and could barely walk. She dropped to her knees, and sat there, gasping for breath.

"Valkyrie." Skulduggery whispered. Fear and anger shot through him, each one trying to overpower the other.

Valkyrie looked up, lifting her head with a great deal of effort. "Skulduggery!" She breathed. She smiled the slightest of smiles at the sight of him.

"You will only speak when I give you permission to, girl!" Serpine cried, slapping her cheek hard, making her topple from her knees to a heap on the floor.

Skulduggery roared so loud that it made Valkyrie jump in fright from where she lay, curled up on the cold ground. He wrestled against the chains that were restraining him.

Serpine laughed at him. "What's the matter, Detective? Don't you like it when I hit the girl?"

"Don't touch her!" Skulduggery snarled. "Don't you _dare_ touch her! Hurt her again and I will kill you, Nefarian. And I'll make it so you can't come back this time!"

"Big talk from the one in shackles."

Serpine turned to face Valkyrie. He strode over to where she was laying. He reached down and grabbed a fistful of her hair. She screamed in pain as he dragged her across the cell to a chair. She kicked and struggled as she was hauled to the other side of the room.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER YOU WORTHLESS MONSTER!" Skulduggery thundered.

Serpine ignored Skulduggery and threw Valkyrie into a chair opposite him. He roughly sat her up in it and shackled her to it. She wasn't looking at him, but Skulduggery could hear her quietly sobbing. His metaphorical heart shattered.

"Val." He whispered. "Are you okay? Please look at me."

She looked up at him and he could see her bruised face. She had two black eyes, a broken and bloody nose, and her bottom lip was busted.

"Oh, Val." His voice cracked. "What have they done to you?"

Serpine cleared his throat. "It's not about what I've done to her; it's about what I'm _going_ to do to her."

"Keep your hands off her, Nefarian. I swear to God, you better not lay a finger on her."

"Okay." Serpine looked at him calmly. "I won't touch her. Promise."

Skulduggery didn't expect him to fold quite so easily. "You won't?"

"You have my word, Detective."

"Really?"

"Of course." Serpine smiled wickedly. "Who needs to touch her when I can to this?"

Serpine pointed his right red hand at Valkyrie, and purple tendrils of smoke shot out from his fingertips. The purple vines wrapped around Valkyrie's body, and their dark magic consumed her. She screamed as agonising pain shot through her entire body, rattling her bones, constricting her heart, burning her muscles.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery cried. He watched her convulse as the pain overtook her body, and for a split second... he saw his wife sitting the in the chair instead, going through the same torture like she once had a long time ago. Of course he was only remembering this, but it seemed so real.

Serpine let the tendrils drop, and Valkyrie's body slumped in the chair.

"Ow." She mumbled barely audibly.

"Valkyrie are you okay?" Skulduggery cried.

She didn't reply. She only gurgled something in response.

"What's say you, Detective? Does this bring back any painful memories?" Serpine sneered.

Skulduggery remembered back 400 years ago, to when he had been in the same position, watching the woman he loved be tortured by Serpine in front of him. Except this woman... was his wife. His beautiful wife with her wavy golden hair that tumbled over her elegant shoulders and stopped at her waist. He remembered her bright, blue, sparkling eyes that shone like stars when the light hit them. He reminisced over how utterly beautiful and angelic she looked, and how she always wore the same, gorgeous smile on her pale pink lips.

"Belle." He whispered. If he was still human, a tear would have escaped the corner of his eye at that particular moment.

"Your beloved Belle." Serpine nodded. "She went through something similar to this, didn't she?"

"Oh Belle." Skulduggery groaned, miserably.

"Shall we really take a trip down memory lane?" Serpine leered.

He walked over to Valkyrie and drew a knife from his belt. He held it against her neck. Valkyrie went rigid at the feel of the blade pressed against her skin, her eyes widened in fear.

"NO!" Skulduggery begged. "Don't hurt her! Please don't hurt her!"

"Why, does this bring back memories?"

Skulduggery thought back to when his wife had been the one with Serpine's knife against her neck. He remembered the fear in her eyes, the tears on her cheeks. He remembered how she had screamed when Serpine had slashed her neck wide open, and how quickly her scream turned into a gargle as blood spilled from the corners of her mouth. And he certainly remembered far too well how her eyes had rolled back in her head as her body slumped forward in the chair. And then she was dead.

Skulduggery heard his own cry of pain rip from his chest.

"Yes, it hurts, doesn't it?" Serpine teased. "Well just you wait until you see this." He pushed the blade into Valkyrie's neck a little deeper and she shrieked in pain as blood trickled down her neck.

Skulduggery snarled in animalistic fury and fought in vain against the chains binding him. "LEAVE HER ALONE!"

"It must get tiresome," Serpine shouted over Valkyrie's cries of pain, "to keep having to watch the woman you love die. If I were you, I would say your goodbyes now."

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery shouted. "Valkyrie Cain, look at me!"

Her eyes trailed over to him. "Skulduggery..." She gargled.

"Valkyrie, I am so sorry. Do you understand that? I am so, _so_ sorry!"

"S'okay, Skul."

"No it's not. I always promised myself I would never let anyone die like my wife did. I promised I would never let someone I loved die the same way. I broke my promise, Val. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'm just so sorry."

"S'not your fault."

Skulduggery's tone was agonised. "Valkyrie, I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you too."

Serpine sighed. "Are we done here? Can I finish her off now?"

Skulduggery was now aware of the sobbing sounds emanating from behind his skull. He was crying without tears. "Valkyrie... do me a favour, darling."

She was panting now, all her energy leaving her, her body slowly failing her. "What... is... it?"

"Please close your eyes when it happens."

She tried to smile. "Sure... thing."

"Oh and one last thing?"

"Yes?" Her eyelids fluttering.

"Marry me, Valkyrie?"

Despite all her pain and sorrow, she smiled. She actually, genuinely smiled. "Yeah, sure. Why not."

Skulduggery almost laughed. "That's it. Be _real_ enthusiastic."

She chuckled faintly, although her eyes were somewhere else, far away. She seemed so distant.

"Close your eyes, sweetheart." Skulduggery whispered.

She did as she was told, and squeezed her eyes shut tight. Skulduggery was unable to tear his gaze away from her.

"Finally!" Serpine grumbled. "I was starting to lose my patience." He pressed the blade even deeper into Valkyrie's neck and she winced. "Night, night, poppet."

**So, I hope you liked part one, part two will be up soon.**

**Let me know what you think if you want :)**

**I always love hearing from you!**

**Also, this is just a heads up, I will be starting a new story soon. I don't want to give too much away, but it will be a Twilight spoof, but with Skulduggery characters. I intend it to be uber funny and full of Valduggery romance. And don't worry Twilight lovers - I'm not going to be too harsh as I am indeed a fan of Twilight myself :)**

**So I'll let you know when it goes up!**

**Also A songfic story will be going up soon.**

**And! One last thing - and then I will let you go - PROMISE! With these other stories going up, don't go thinking I wont go carrying on with these drabbles, because I will! :) I love writing them and they are here to stay! :)**

**Thanks guys! :D**

**xoxo  
**


	57. Valduggery: Remembering torture part 2

**This is part two, entitled Valduggery: Remembering torture part 2**

**I hope you like it :)**

**Oh! And thanks so much for the reviews m'dears :')  
**

"I love you, Valkyrie Cain." Skulduggery shouted, so that would be the last thing she heard before she died.

However she was screaming so loudly he doubted she could hear him. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. He turned away and tried only to focus on the sounds of his own cries ripping from his chest.

That was when he heard another scream. A different one to Valkyrie's. It was a lower pitch, still doused with the same amount of pain as hers. Their screams mingled and danced together in the dank air, and Skulduggery knew that he had to look at what was going on.

He turned his skull and saw Serpine still with the knife against Valkyrie's throat. He saw blood still pouring down Valkyrie's neck. Then he realised that Serpine was the other person screaming. His was the other shriek that filled the air. But why?

Then Skulduggery saw it. He saw the shadows emanating from Valkyrie's necromancy ring, reaching up from where her hands were shackled behind her back, twisting round her to find Serpine. He saw how the shadows were twisting round his hand holding the knife to her flesh, stopping him dead in his tracks.

Wait. Skulduggery paused. How is it possible She was using magic? His shackles were bound, surely hers were too? Unless Serpine didn't think of her as a threat. Unless he thought she was still a timid, powerless little girl. Oh how wrong he was.

That was Serpine's first mistake. His second mistake had been not taking the ring from her. And his third mistake, had been his gloating which had made him oblivious to the shadows that were now curled around his torso and legs, restricting him from moving, gluing him to the spot.

Valkyrie still had her eyes squeezed shut as she trained all her focus, and energy, and magical power into her ring. It took all her strength to make the shadows obey her. And yet she was still doing it. She was using the shadows to hurt Serpine, to keep him from killing her, screaming in agony all the while.

And then, something most horrific yet brilliant happened.

The shadows started to burn Serpine. Not in the scolding sense. Neither in the sense of flames licking at his skin. It was more a case of how the shadows touch seemed to be blistering his flesh. The shadows seemed to be boiling away his skin from his bones, incinerating him, engulfing him.

Obliterating him.

The shadows didn't stop. They snaked all over him, destroying ever bit of flesh in its path. And it only took a few minutes before he had no skin at all. Then the shadows started to rip away at his muscles, tearing out huge chunks of him, devouring him. Soon, Skulduggery could see bone. Then, all that was left of Serpine was bone. His bare skeleton convulsed under the shadows like they were giving him an electric shock.

Finally Serpine gave out an ear-splitting scream, and his skeleton imploded on him. With a bang he exploded altogether, his bones disintegrating into ash that fell lifelessly to the floor.

And all in the matter of a few minutes. Serpine was nothing but a pile of ashes again.

Valkyrie slumped forward in her chair with a painful groan.

"Valkyrie… are you okay?" Skulduggery whispered, his voice shaking.

No reply.

"Val, please say something."

Silence.

"Val?" His voice cracked.

All that could be heard was his own anguished gasps radiating from somewhere behind his skull.

"Oh, Valkyrie." He hung his head.

He sat, motionless for a few moments before he heard a soft groan from the girl opposite him.

"Val?" His head snapped up to look at her.

He saw her fingers twitch just the slightest amount, and the shadows picked up again. They floated round to her face, as if waiting for her orders.

"Go… untie… Skulduggery…" She gasped quietly. "He… needs… help…. His…. Shackles… magic… bound." Her instructions only just about making sense.

The shadows obeyed her like a loyal pet dog, and shot over to Skulduggery. The shadows sliced though his chains in one easy, clean swipe. As soon as he was free the shadows crashed to the ground lifeless, and Skulduggery jumped up. He ran to Valkyrie and crouched in front of her. Cupping her face in his hands he lifted her head to look at him.

"Oh, Valkyrie." His thumbs brushed lightly over her cheeks. "Oh, my poor, little, Valkyrie. I'm so sorry."

Her eyes struggled to focus on him. "That's… okay." She panted.

"No it's not. I love you so much, and I almost lost you. I'm so sorry."

She smiled weakly. "But… I'm…still… here."

He laughed despite himself. Then he noticed the large pool of her own blood on the floor beneath her. He saw how her clothes were drenched in red. "Come on, darling. Let's get you out of here. We need to get you seen to." He tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, so he wouldn't worry her. "We'll take you to see Kenspeckle Grouse."

He undid the shackles around her hands and ripped the chains that were strapping her to the wooden chair. He scooped her gently into his arms. She nestled into his hest and closed her eyes. He ran from the cell and through the hallways outside. He had been here many times before; he knew where he was going.

"Get keep holding on for me, Val, okay?" Skulduggery whispered. "Don't let go. Don't leave me."

"Can't… leave… yet." She breathed.

"That's right." He murmured and he ran for the exit, taking special care not to jostle her too much. "You're not going anywhere."

"No." She shook her head. "Cant… leave… yet…. Have… to… marry… you… first."

He let out a weak laugh. "So you do."

"Where's… my… ring… then?"

He skidded to a stop. "I'm sorry?"

She tried to smile, opening her eyes to look at him. "Can't … marry… me… without… a… ring… can… you?"

He actually, genuinely laughed. Holding her with just one arm, he fished around with his other hand, inside his inner jacket pocket. He pulled an elegant ring out, which had a modest sized diamond attached to it. He tenderly slipped it onto her finder.

"This was my wife's ring." He whispered, holding her close. "It belongs to you now. I know you will look after it."

"Kiss… me." She murmured.

He smiled. "You didn't have to ask, sweetheart."

Skulduggery used his free hand to tap the tattoos etched into his collarbones, and a façade with black curly hair and warm brown eyes appeared. He slowly inclined his face down to hers and lightly kissed her blood-stained lips. He pulled away and smiled.

"Time to get you fixed up." He said softly.

He found the exit and made not hesitation in taking off, flying up high into the clouds. He soared high above the treetops, holding onto Valkyrie tightly, who had by now, slipped into the realms of unconsciousness. He came to a stop and made an emergency landing when he spotted Kenspeckle's infirmary. He strode through the Hibernian cinema, looking for the professor. He found him in his lab.

Kenspeckle saw them and his mouth fell open, making an O shape. "Oh dear God."

"Can you fix her?" Skulduggery asked anxiously, laying her down on a hospital bed.

"Of course I can. Without a shadow of a doubt."

"So what's the matter then?

Kenspeckle sighed. "I was referring to that damned ring on her finger."

Skulduggery smiled. "Oh right. Want to be the best man?"

Kenspeckle gritted his teeth in frustration. "Just leave so I can start healing her."

Skulduggery walked over to Valkyrie and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll come back in when I'm allowed. And then I can marry you, Sweetheart. I promise."

**So, round of applause for Harmony-Rose Temptation for coming up with this story idea :) Thank you muchly!**

**I was given a great story by Sky Fireheart, and that will be my next update :)**

**I will update soon - promise!**

**xoxo  
**


	58. Valduggery: Kiss of life

**This story is called, Valduggery: Kiss of life**

**The idea was inspired by the brilliant Sky Fireheart! Thank you so much!**

**Also m'dears, I have a new story out - it's a songfic called, Valduggery Songfic friendshipromance - check it out if you like :)**

**I hope you all like this little drabble :)  
**

There were only two non-magical things in this word that Valkyrie Cain was truly and utterly terrified of. These things were swimming, and heights. It may seem completely absurd that she should be so scared of such trivial, insignificant things, but in her defence she had some pretty decent reasons.

She was terrified of swimming as she had been chased by a man impervious to fire, a clan of the infected, and even a remnant through the water. If those were the kinds of monsters that followed her into the water, she shuddered to think of what was already waiting in the water for her.

She was petrified of heights due to the fact that she had fallen out of a particularly high tree, being hunted by a vampire all the while, Dusk had thrown her of a building, and also because Scapegrace had thrown her off a parapets.

Since she was so scared of both of these things, it had made no sense to Valkyrie why Skulduggery had brought her to a particularly high cliff, that overlooked a nasty, cold-looking, raging sea. She hung back far away from the edge.

"Why are we here, Skul?" Valkyrie asked, uncomfortably.

Skulduggery was standing alarmingly close to the edge. "This is designed to help you."

He was wearing the façade, so to not attract any attention to himself. Today he had wavy blonde hair, big brown eyes, and a dazzling smile.

"Combining my two biggest fears is going to help me?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're going to face your fears today, Valkyrie."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"Tough. I can't have you being scared of such ridiculous little things, now can I?"

She scowled at him. "I'm not being ridiculous."

He cracked a smile at her. "You've fought evil sorcerers, monsters, vampires and even a God... and you don't think that being scared of heights or swimming even seems just the tiniest bit ludicrous?"

She huffily folded her arms. "No."

He rolled his eyes. "Look, just come and stand at the edge with me. You will be fine – I won't let anything hurt you."

"No."

"Please? I promise you will be okay."

"No."

"Do it for me?"

She laughed once. "No."

He sighed. "Fine." He started to stroll over to her.

Valkyrie backed away from him a little. "Skulduggery... what are you doing?"

"Making you cooperate." He held out a hand to her.

She batted away his hand. "Get lost."

"Come with me."

"No."

"You don't really have a choice."

"Leave me alone! You can't make me!"

He arched an eyebrow at her. "You want to bet?"

With one swift movement, he lunged at her. He scooped her up easily in his arms. She kicked and trashed against his restraints but to no avail.

"Skulduggery!" She snapped. "Let me go! Now!"

"Trust me; I know what I'm doing."

They neared the edge and Valkyrie's tone went up an octave. "No! Skulduggery! NO!"

"Stop squirming. We're just going to stand at the edge."

They stood at the very edge of the high cliff.

"Please, Skulduggery!" She screamed. "Put me down! PUT ME DOWN!"

"Stop kicking, otherwise I might drop–"

Valkyrie kicked his shin, and his leg buckled. His arms flinched at the pain and she slid through his grip. She screamed as she felt herself slip out of his arms. She thrust her arms out to him, hoping his hands would be there to catch her... but they weren't.

"SKULDUGGERY!" She screamed as she fell.

Skulduggery dropped to his knees and made a mad grab for her. He missed. "VALKYRIE!"

He watched, agonised as she plummeted, getting further and further away from him. Why the hell wasn't she using the air to slow her descent? He sighed. He knew it was because she was scared – too scared to think. And now he knew he had to go after her. He couldn't fly, because he wouldn't get to her soon enough. He had to jump.

Skulduggery kicked off his shoes and tore off his jacket. Without haste he launched himself off the edge off the cliff.

Valkyrie screamed again when she saw Skulduggery throw himself of the edge of the cliff. He was falling fast, just like her, but would he make it? Get to her before she crashed into the water? She tumbled and turned, hurtling towards the open sea, the sound of the wind rushing past her roaring in her ears. She was scared stiff.

And that was when she crashed into the ice cold water, her muscles seizing up at the touch of the water piercing her skin. She smashed past the waves and plunged deep into the dark blue. She went to scream and salt water filled her lungs, burning her insides. She kicked and tried to swim back up to the surface, but she was panicking and her clumsy movements were just allowing the current to pull her even deeper under.

She realised how heavy her limbs were getting. She realised how dark her vision was clouding. Suddenly the burning started to go away to be replaced by a numbness. A peaceful numbness. She shut her eyes and let the deadness take her.

Skulduggery fell, cursing when he saw her reach the water before he could catch up with her. He plunged into the water, and once under, spotted her instantly. She was sinking! Oh God, she was sinking! He used the water to propel himself towards her. He outstretched his arms and snatched her up, cradling her against his chest.

He manipulated the water to help him shoot upwards towards the surface. He had to get her out of here and into the open air as fast as possible. They broke the surface, shooting out of the water like a bullet. Skulduggery flew high in the sky, soaring over the waves, looking for a safe place to land. He didn't like the way Valkyrie was hanging limply in his arms, eyes closed, lips blue. He spotted a deserted bit of shore and made an emergency landing.

He touched down as fast as he could, dropping to his knees upon impact. He tore off her coat and laid Valkyrie down gently on the sand beside him. He checked her pulse.

Nothing.

Was her chest moving? No, it wasn't. Frantically, he ripped open her t-shirt and pressed his hands against her torso. He did fifteen compressions against her chest, performing CPR on her.

Still nothing.

Time for the big guns. Skulduggery bent over her and crushed his lips to hers, breathing life into her empty lungs. One breath. Two. Three. Four. How many would it take?

That was when she coughed and spluttered back into life, her chest heaving and mouthfuls of water gurgled past her lips, dribbling down her chin. Skulduggery sat her up and patted her back. Once she had spat out all the water she flopped back down to the ground, looking up at Skulduggery who was leaning over her, blonde hair stuck to his wet forehead.

"Valkyrie, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" His hand cupped her face.

She looked up at him, dazed. "You saved my life."

"I know I did."

"You... kissed me." Her eyes widened.

"I was giving you the kiss of life."

She grabbed onto his soaked shirt and pulled him closer to her. "Well I didn't say stop."

Their lips melted together and as the kiss heated up, as did the rest of her body, and she curled herself into his frame. It was at that moment she realised she had overcome both of her fears.

**I hope you all liked it - especially you Sky :)**

**I will update soon :D**

**Don't forget to check out my new story, Valduggery Songfic friendshipromance, if you want to :)**

**Thanks my loverleysss :3**

**xoxo  
**


	59. Valduggery: Give the dog a bone

**So, this little story is called, Valduggery: Give the dog a bone, and the idea was inspired by Sneaky Lunatic Spy - so thank you very much for the idea :)**

**I just felt like making this story very light hearted, fluffy, and cute!**

**So I hope you like it!  
**

Skulduggery Pleasant was the most stubborn person Valkyrie had ever met! He was supposed to be the great skeleton detective! Fearless, powerful, daring, adventurous, a hero… Valkyrie was now seriously doubting all of these opinions she had of him.

"Get that thing away from me, Valkyrie" Skulduggery warned from the other side of the room, one finger pointing to what she was cradling in her arms.

"Oh come on!" She rolled her eyes. "He is _so_ cute!"

"It's a _devil_!"

"It's harmless!"

"Say's the person who's not made out of bone!"

Valkyrie sighed. "Just stroke him!"

"No."

"Stroke the damn puppy!"

"NO!"

Valkyrie sighed and looked at the adorable little creature in her arms that was affectionately licking her fingers. "Hear that, Patch?" she cooed. "The big bad skeleton is afraid of you!"

"I'm not afraid of it!" Skulduggery shouted from the other side of the room, behind a table.

Valkyrie tickled under Patch's chin. "The detective is terrified of you, you adorable little thing!"

"I'M NOT TERRIFIRED OF IT!" Skulduggery bellowed, angrily.

"Then get out from behind the table!"

"No!"

"Now!"

"Fine!" He snapped.

Skulduggery sheepishly stepped out from behind the table. He stood there awkwardly.

"Great." Valkyrie nodded. "Now why don't you try coming within a five mile radius of the puppy?"

"Yes, yes, very funny, Valkyrie."

Sighing, Valkyrie – still holding Patch – strode over to Skulduggery who recoiled at her, and backed up against the wall.

"Valkyrie!" He snapped. "Stop! Don't come any closer! You don't think I will hurl a fireball at a helpless puppy? Because so help me God, I will!"

"Don't be a baby!" She marched up to him and held Patch out in front of her. He squirmed and yapped playfully in her grip.

"Keep. It. Away. From. Me."

She held it up to his face. She bit her bottom lip to stop her from laughing when Skulduggery flinched away from him. Skulduggery was about to bat her hands away, hopefully making her drop the puppy in the process, but before he could make a move the puppy shot its head forward at him.

"Oh God!" He yelled. "Valkyrie, it's attacking! It's trying to devour me... it's... its..." Skulduggery paused when he felt the puppy's soft tongue brushing over his cheek bone. "He's ... licking me?"

"See?" Valkyrie said, smugly. "He likes you!"

Valkyrie Held Patch out so that Skulduggery could hold him. Skulduggery held the little angel in his arms and tickled his tummy, as the puppy yapped with delight.

"Oh he's so sweet!" Skulduggery fussed over him.

"I told you so."

"Aw, Val! Can we keep him?"

"No, he's my cousin's new puppy. I'm just borrowing him."

"Well that's a shame, isn't it?" Skulduggery was speaking more to the puppy than to her now, his voice turning a little babyish.

"Well, you've gotten over your fear at last!" She smiled triumphantly. "And you didn't have to be thrown off a bridge or anything."

Skulduggery sighed. "You're never going to let that go are you?"

"No."

He looked up at her. He set Patch down on the floor gently. "Well thank you. I'm not afraid of dogs anymore."

"And you don't think they're going to eat you?"

"Not anymore."

"So are you ready for the next step?"

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side. "Next step?"

Valkyrie turned back to the door she came through. "REX!" She whistled at a high pitch.

"Who's Rex?" Skulduggery asked, nervously.

"My cousin has another dog. I think you'll like him."

"Is he a puppy too?"

"Um... not exactly."

Skulduggery was about to question her, but then he heard running footsteps of a dog, he heard them getting closer. He could hear it panting. At that moment, a Great Dane, bigger than any other dog he had ever seen came bounding through the doorway.

"Uh-Oh." Skulduggery muttered.

The dog lunged and leapt on top of him, pinning him to the ground. It proceeded to chew on his leg bone.

Skulduggery growled. "Valkyrie..."

But she wasn't listening; she was too busy rolling on the floor, dying with laughter.

**I know this story had Skulduggery totally out of character, and what -not, but I just felt like we all needed a bit of a laugh :)**

**I hope you liked it!**

**I'm working through all the suggestions you gave me, and trust me I will write all of them.**

**Thanks for all the support with this story and with my other story.**

**I mentioned before about the TwiSkul Saga? It will take a while, but eventually the story will be up :)**

**I'll update soon, my lovelys!**

**xoxo  
**


	60. Valduggery: We will survive part 1

**This is a short little chappie called, Valduggery: We will survive.**

**The Idea was inspired by Adrasdos Dark and it was an absolutely AMAZING idea! So thank you muchly m'dear!**

**This chapter is just a little set up for what is to come, and I hope you like it!**

**P.S. Valkyrie is nineteen years old and the current setting is Skulduggery's house!**

Valkyrie and Skulduggery sat in front of the TV, watching Lee Evans. All the while Valkyrie was laughing, Skulduggery sat in silence, all the humour going over his head.

Valkyrie looked over at him. "What's the matter? You don't get the joke?"

He looked back at her. "Not in the slightest."

"Bats are blind, and they only come out at night, what's the difference? Understand?"

"Nope, still don't get it."

She rolled her eyes. "You're such an idiot sometimes."

"I'm an _amazing_ idiot!"

She patted his shoulder. "Whatever you have to tell yourself to keep the tears away." She winked at him before getting up off the sofa. She walked out of the room.

"Where are you going?" He called after her.

"Getting a cup of tea." She called back from the kitchen. "You want one?"

"Very amusing!"

Five minute later she walked back into the living room and sat back down next to Skulduggery holding a cup of tea in one hand, and a slice of toast in the other.

Skulduggery nodded at the toast. "Did you get me a slice?"

Valkyrie put on a stupid voice. "Yeah of course – NAAAAGGGHHHT!"

He shoved her shoulder good-naturedly, making her spill some of her tea. She gasped. "You complete and utter _douche_!"

"Language!"

"I'll show you bloody _language_!" She set the tea and toast on the table and lunged at him. She pinned him down onto the sofa. She straddled his hips and put all her weight on him, making escape impossible.

Skulduggery sighed. "Must we go through this every day?"

She leaned down and touched her lips lightly to his teeth. "Yes."

That was when there was a loud rumble and the whole house shook. Valkyrie's eyes widened in shock.

"Please tell me that was your stomach growling." Skulduggery whispered.

Valkyrie shook her head, too scared to speak.

"Buggar."

And that was the exact moment when the ground shook for a second time and the house came tumbling down. The walls crumbled, the furniture tipped, the ceiling caved in, and just like that, Skulduggery and Valkyrie were trapped under the rubble from the earthquake.

**Right, well now that we have the back-story set up, lets go wild right? :D**

**I will update soon :)**

**Thank you so much for all of the support my lovelys :3**

**xoxo  
**


	61. Valduggery: We will survive part 2

**Here it is, special delivery just for all of you! Here is, Valduggery: We will survive part 2 :)**

**However, on a more sincere note, when I posted the first part of this story up, the day after - as I'm sure you already know - the was a huge earthquake/tsunami in Japan. This is what I would call a coincidence of epic proportions. The reason I am mentioning this is so that we can all take a minute to empathise with the poor people of Japan, and let them know that they are in all of our thoughts. For any of you who have friends or family in Japan, you too are in my thoughts, and my prayers. It would only seem apt that I dedicate this story to them. God Bless 3**

**Now, on to more cheerful things, I hope you enjoy the story :)  
**

Valkyrie heard a scream, loud and piercing in her ears. It took her a few seconds to realise it was her own scream. All around her the house was coming down. A wooden beam came smashing down on her, knocking her off of Skulduggery and smacking her against the floor, sending her sliding to the other side of the room. She tried to roll up and get to her feet, except a pile of rumble came crashing down on her pinning her to the floor. She groaned painfully.

Skulduggery went t jump up and run to Valkyrie, but the moment he tried to move he found that he couldn't budge. He looked down at his leg and saw a chunk of metal piping stuck on his leg, crushing the bone, restricting him from going anywhere. And that was when the pain hit.

"Ohhh..." Skulduggery moaned miserably. "That's going to leave a mark."

Slowly the violent shaking started to slow and lessen, and eventually the tremors stopped completely. He looked around himself at his surroundings. His poor house had been turned to rubble. He couldn't see anything past the walls of debris. A dusty, powdery kind of mist hung in the air, making it hard to see much.

Skulduggery called out to Valkyrie. "Val? Are you okay?"

"Wonderful." She called back. "Apart from the mountain of bricks and wood on top of me, I'm just peachy."

"Sarcasm will get us nowhere. What can you see around you?"

"Nothing, just piles of wreckage. You?"

"Same."

"So what do we do?"

Skulduggery sighed. "Now _that_, is a very good question. Can you move at all?"

"Not an inch. What about you?"

"Only my leg is restricted. Perhaps I can blast our way out?"

Valkyrie tried to stay optimistic. "Okay. Sure give it a go."

Skulduggery thrust his arms out in front of himself, sending a gust of air into the debris surrounding him. The wall of rubble was blown to smithereens and he opened a little passageway. He could see Valkyrie, lying under a ton of bricks.

She lifted her head – the only art of her she could move – and looked at him. "Oh, hello."

"So you're really and truly stuck I see."

"Indeed." She nodded. "As are you. Any ideas how we can get out of here? I think I'm slowly being crushed. It's remarkably painful."

"Give me a little while to think."

But they didn't have a little while, because that was when the next tremor hit. And the house shook again, building a brand new wall of wreckage between them. Valkyrie screamed, as more falling beams came down. Skulduggery cursed as rubble crashed down onto him. He looked up and swore. They were in the living room, and directly above the living room was the guest bedroom. There was a gaping hole like an open wound in the ceiling above him and he could see the wardrobe in the room balancing on the edge of the hole. He went to blast air at it to knock it back into the room, but there was too much wreckage on him to free his arms. The wardrobe tilted over him. _Please don't fall! Please don't fall!_

And then another tremor sent the house shaking, unbalancing the wardrobe that fell straight onto Skulduggery Pleasant.

Skulduggery howled in pain as the huge, oak closet smashed into him, the strong wood not breaking – not even splintering – crushing his skeletal frame beneath. And then he blacked out.

Valkyrie heard him cry out. "Skulduggery!" She called in alarm. "Skulduggery? Are you okay?"

No response.

"I thought I heard a crash. I thought I heard you scream. Are you okay? Are you in pain? Skulduggery?"

No response.

"Right." She sighed. "Brilliant. Now it's up to me to get us out of here. Terrific."

**This chapter was short, I know, but don't worry, part three will be up soon :)**

**Thanks for the reviews m'dears :3**

**xoxo  
**


	62. Valduggery: We will survive part 3

**Well, well well, aren't we all impatient, asking for updates! ;) I am of course JOKING! You're all LOVELY, and I love the reviews m'dears, so thank you muchly!**

**Okay so this is: Valduggery: We will survive part 3, and I hope you like it!**

**Also, a very important message from Adrasdos Dark. She has this Fletchyrie/Valduggery war going on on her page - it's just a bit of totally harmless fun, and by all means check it out because its cool :) However, for those of you who already know about this, she has a special message for you that I have agreed to her to pass on: In relation to the current natural disaster in Japan, she has personal issues linked with this and she is bust worrying about that at the moment (I wont go into details) and that is why the news on the 'war' is a bit slack lately. She is just taking a break m'dears. It will all be peachy soon!**

**There, just had to pass that on for her. Sorry to any of the people who have no idea about what I was just talking about! LOL!**

**But anyway, enjoy the story :)  
**

Valkyrie felt the necromancer ring, cold as ice on her finger and drew strength from it. She called up the shadows and they swirled around her free hand that was the only part of her without rubble on it. She willed the shadows to give her limp arm some power. The shadows curled around her wrist and travelled up her arm to her shoulder blade. Although she couldn't move her arm no matter how hard she tried. Probably broken. She was in enough pain for it to be broken.

Time for plan B. She splayed the hand of her broken arm and send shadows lashing outwards. She commanded them through the power of thought to wrap around as many of the nearest sturdy things possible. Tendrils of black snapped out and found random objects to latch on to. One went for the last bit of stair banister that was standing; another bit went for a lone wooden beam that hadn't collapsed yet, another made for the bathroom door frame that consequently didn't have a door in it anymore.

"PULL!" She shouted at the shadows and they obliged. The tendril became taught as she held the ends of them in her hand like big black ropes. "Come on! Pull! Pull!" She screamed. The tendrils pulled harder, and just when she thought her plan was doing no good, she felt herself shift slightly under the wreckage. "Yes!" She hissed.

Slowly, little by little, the tendrils pulled her completely free, and she had to grit her teeth and try her best to ignore the pain. When she was free she let the tendrils break and shatter to the ground instantly. She curled into a tight ball on the floor and bit her bottom lip to stop her from crying out. She suddenly felt like crying.

"_Get up, Valkyrie." _A soft voice inside her head. _"This house won't stay upright for much longer. Find Skulduggery and get out now!"_

She groaned at the truth behind her mind's own words. With agonising effort, she rolled to her knees so she was in a kneeling position, panting with exertion. She forced herself onto one knee, and then made herself stand up. She wobbled a little on her feet. Well at least her legs weren't broken It was just her arm that was shattered.

She staggered over to a wall of rubble that was separating her and Skulduggery. "I'm coming, Skulduggery!" She shouted, weakly. She held out her good arm to the wall and outstretched her hand, splaying her fingers. A gust of air slammed into the debris, and the wall crumbled before her. She would allow herself to smile once this was all over.

The first thing she noticed around her surroundings was that she was in a cave of sorts. It was a little hollow made out of fallen debris. The second thing she noticed was the upstairs bedroom wardrobe lying on the crushed sofa.

And then she noticed the exposed skeletal arm lying limply out from underneath the underside of the wardrobe.

And then Valkyrie started screaming.

She dove towards the wardrobe, all her previous pain and wariness dissolving in her worry. "Skulduggery!" She screamed, picking up the skeletal hand and squeezing it tight. "Skulduggery, can you hear me?"

No response.

Desperation flooded through her like a poison, making tears spring to her eyes. She tried to shift the wardrobe off of him, bit was too heavy, plus she only had one mobile arm. She started to panic. She curled the shadows around her hand and commanded them into a huge, black fist. With a single thought – _strike_ – the shadow-fist swung back, and then forwards, into the wardrobe, punching it right off of Skulduggery, sending it slamming into the wall. The wardrobe hardly even splintered on impact. The wall had more damage than the damn closet.

Valkyrie burst into tears when she saw Skulduggery lying limply on the flattened sofa. She could see how flattened and crushed his bones were, only their magical properties just about keeping him together. She crouched beside him and clutched his skull in her hands, her fingers caressing the huge dent in his cranium. "Skulduggery!" She sobbed. "Tell me you're okay. Please say something! Anything!"

Nothing.

"Oh please, Skulduggery!" She bent over him, her eyes closed, her forehead just lightly resting against his. "Just say something!"

Nothing.

She cried out loudly, tears streaming down her face. Her whimpering was interrupted by a huge tremor. Valkyrie dived on top of Skulduggery, clutching him close, protecting him from any more falling ceiling. A huge piece came crashing down onto her back and she cried out.

The shaking slowed and Valkyrie, leaned away from Skulduggery to make sure he hadn't been hurt anymore than he already was. She sighed with relief when she saw she had taken most of the blow.

But that wasn't the end of it. That last tremor had shaken the house to its very core and now it couldn't take anymore. The walls were shaking, the ceiling crumbling, the poor old house shaken to smithereens. It was going to fall down to the ground completely.

And somehow she had to get them both out of here before it was too late.

**Part 4 will be up soon. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what you think so far, or on what you think is going to happen.**

**I'm just generally happy to hear from you :)**

**Thanks again!**

**Until the next update! :)**

**xoxo  
**


	63. Valduggery: We will survive part 4

**And here we have it :) This is Valduggery: We will survive part 4 - and I hope you like it! :)  
**

Valkyrie looked around desperately, as if she were expecting something to jump out at her and save them. But of course that wasn't going to happen. She had to get them out of here. She scanned the room for a quick exit. There was none. Terrific. She looked up at the ceiling, to make sure nothing was going to fall on her.

And she saw their escape.

There was a huge hole in the ceiling, and in the room above, there was another hole in the ceiling – _and above that_ there was a crack in the roof, suggesting it was weak and crumbly.

"Yes!" She hissed. Then she frowned, realising she had no idea how to get up there. And how would she do it if she had to carry Skulduggery? With a broken arm! And then the horrible idea occurred to her. "Oh no…" She groaned. "No… no not that. I _hate_ that!" She looked at Skulduggery, as if he were saying something to her. "But I guess I have no choice, do I?"

Valkyrie was going to have to fly. She hated flying. When Skulduggery was flying and holding her in his arms it was very fun. When it cam to flying for herself, it was a whole different story all together! Flying buy yourself was scary and dangerous and it took a lot of concentration that was currently a little swayed in her mind at this present moment in time.

But she had to do it.

She stood directly under the hole and looked straight through it. It was pretty big, big enough to get through. It was a pretty easy flight path, just straight up two floors… until she got to the roof, when she would have to crash through. She sighed and stumbled over to Skulduggery. She crouched beside him. "You _so_ owe me!"

She looked at him, wondering how she was going to do this. She guided him up into a sitting position, being careful not to hurt him or break any bones. She wrapped an arm around his chest and tried to heave him up, but he was too heavy. She sighed again. She had to drag him as gently as she could to the middle of the room, so they were underneath the hole. She laid him down again.

How on Earth was she going to carry his weight? She only had one weak arm to carry him – there was no way she could do it! If only she could distribute his weight. She considered pulling him apart and carrying him as a bag of bones, but she knew that when he came round he would find that so undignified, he would never forgive her.

She ran through the trembling house, searching for something – _anything_ – to help her. Seeing nothing she screamed in frustration and kicked a wall. She tried to calm down and shoved her shaking hands into the loops of her belt.

Her eyes widened. The belt! She whipped off her leather belt that Ghastly had made her and tested it for its strength. It had super-human strength like all of Ghastly's clothes, of course, and Valkyrie found herself smiling. She ran to Skulduggery and crouched beside him. She whipped off his belt too and strapped the two together to make it one only strip of practically indestructible leather. She tugged either end and grinned when it didn't snap. "Thank you, Ghastly." She mumbled.

Leaning over Skulduggery again she ripped open his shirt buttons, exposing his ribcage. She fed one end of the double-belt through a few of his ribs and round the back of his spine, then coming back forward and around his sternum. She pulled on the other end, so the leather fed through a little more, meaning the straps coming from either side of his ribcage were an equal distance.

She pushed his legs apart from each other a little bit and sat in-between them, in the newly made V-shape. Facing away from Skulduggery, she pulled him up, via the belt and guided him into a sitting position where he was leaning against her back – practically draped over her. She fastened the belt around herself, one strap under her left arm, on over her right shoulder and meeting in the middle of her chest where they were fastened together. She tested its strength and was satisfied that it wasn't going to break.

Slowly, very slowly, with Skulduggery strapped to her, back she rolled forward onto her knees. She grunted with strain as all of Skulduggery's full weight was put onto her. She struggled, balancing his weight as she got to one knee, panting for breath. She already ached all over, without his mass added onto it.

Valkyrie braced herself before getting up onto her feet, counting down from five. On the count of one she gritted her teeth and stood with very shaky legs. "You're so heavy for a skeleton!" She grumbled. She had to stay hunched over so that she wouldn't loose her balance and tip over backwards. She noticed how Skulduggery's feet dragged behind her on the ground.

She positioned herself under the hole, craning her neck up at it, preparing herself. She was going to take her time about this takeoff, make it precise, account for the transfer of weight now that she was carrying an extra person, and how she would have to adjust the air around her to allow her to fly, just as Skulduggery had taught her… however, the tremors then roared back into life and the house shock and crumbled before her eyes once again, wreckage falling all around her.

Without haste, she drew her arms down by her sides, bent her knees, detected how the air was moving around her, and shifted it so that it was supporting her weight…

And then she leaped high into the air. She commanded the air to lift and carry her and to shoot her upwards.

She propelled high up into the air at an alarming speed, shrieking in fright. She used her non-broken arm to reach out for Skulduggery behind her, and she grabbed hold of his bony hand.

Valkyrie rocketed up through the first hole, and headed for the next one, dodging bit of falling debris on the way. She cleared the second floor and headed for the next gaping hole in the ceiling. She got through it barely unscathed and headed for the crack in the roof. She held her good arm over her head and used the shadows from her necromancer ring to make a shield for her and Skulduggery.

"Hold on tight!" She yelled to him and they crashed through the roof and out into the open night air. "YES!" Valkyrie screamed, letting the shadows die away. She continued to fly up high, and looked down just in time to see Skulduggery's house fall down to the ground completely, seconds after they had escaped.

Valkyrie laughed deliriously as she soared through the clouds. She knew where the next stop would be. The next stop would be at the Hibernian Cinema, to pay a much needed visit to the newly restored Kenspeckle Grouse. She barely even cared how much pain she was in under Skulduggery's incredible weight.

Valkyrie stumbled into Kenspeckle's infirmary, Skulduggery on her back, his feet dragging along the ground. She looked up and spotted Kenspeckle looking at them incredulously.

"Don't tell me you were caught in that Earthquake!" He gasped.

"Yeah," She panted staggering over to a hospital bed. "We were. Do me a favour and be ready to catch him when undo the strap."

Kenspeckle stood behind her with his arms out ready to catch Skulduggery. "Ready." He said.

She undid the strap and sighed with relief as all of Skulduggery's weight fell from her back. She turned and saw Kenspeckle struggling to hold him.

"Good God! He weights a _ton_!"

She helped him carry Skulduggery, one armed, to a hospital bad. "You're telling me." She grunted as they lifted him onto the bed.

"I told him there was going to be an attack on all the magical community's houses on his road tonight!" Kenspeckle stormed as he checked over Skulduggery's unconscious form. "I told him that there was someone after him, who could control natural disasters, who was going to send and Earthquake down his road! But he didn't bloody listen, did he?"

She sat down on a hospital bed opposite Skulduggery's. She smiled weakly at Kenspeckle. She had missed him while he had been gone. Her and Skulduggery had found him, dead in the infirmary where Clarabelle had left him, and had been insistent on reviving him. They had forced Scapegrace to bite him and turn him into a zombie, then once Kenspeckle had come round and stopped yelling about he fact he was one of the living dead, he had used his science-magic ability to turn himself back into a human again.

Quite ingenious really.

"She sighed and laid back on the bed. "No. He never listens. You can tell him that once you've fixed him and he's awake again."

"Yes." He nodded. "I'll make a point of it that I do just _exactly_ that."

She groaned painfully as she rolled onto her side. "Then will you do me a favour, please?" She mumbled.

"What is it, Valkyrie?" He asked, kindly.

"Fix me afterwards."

"Of course."

"Thank you." She smiled faintly again before promptly blacking out.

**So, how was that? I know it was mostly action scenes and not much dialogue but the next part will have lots of dialogue as we will be having some serious Valduggery romance going on :D**

**Thank you guys muchly!**

**xoxo  
**


	64. Valduggery: We will survive part 5

**Here it is, the last chappie to the "We will survive" saga, entitled: Valduggery: We will survive part 5**

**You wanted some romance? You got it :)**

**Be warned, it gets a little steamy here... :$ LOL!**

**Remember that 'all-over-facade' from before? Well, it makes an appearance here too :)**

**Don't forget that at the beginning of this little saga, Val and Skul were already together... just bear that in mind :)**

**Enjoy!  
**

When Skulduggery woke he was staring up at the ceiling. At first he was confused, and then all of the memories of the last few hours came flooding back to him. There was an Earthquake, he was trapped, he couldn't get out, there was something to do with a wardrobe, and... oh! Valkyrie! She was there when it happened too! Is she okay? Where is she?

Skulduggery sat up straight, far too quickly, and a wave of dizziness washed over him. He flopped back down, his head crashing softly against the pillow. "Valkyrie?" He croaked weakly.

Valkyrie was standing the moment he had moved, and she rushed over from her bed to his. She leaned over him and grabbed his hand. "Skulduggery?" She breathed, on hand on the side of his skull. "Honey, are you okay?"

She couldn't tell if he was conscious yet, what with his big hollow eye sockets never changing. She begged him to answer.

"Skulduggery?" She whispered his name again.

"Valkyrie..." He groaned.

"Oh, Skulduggery!" She threw herself over him like she had done before earlier that day when she was protecting him from the falling debris. Her forehead rested against his and her hands gripped either side of his skull. She cried softly. "Oh, Skulduggery! You're okay!"

He lifted his weak arms and put them around her. "Oh, Valkyrie. I'm so glad you're okay. Are you hurt?"

She pulled away a little so he could see she was smiling despite the tears. "I was. Kenspeckle fixed me though. I had a broken arm, two broken ribs, a bump to the head, a shattered knee cap, and I dislocated three of my toes and slipped a disk in my back carrying you; but I'm okay now. Just a little sore."

Skulduggery laughed softly. "You carried me home?"

"Flew you actually home actually." She smiled sheepishly.

He reached a hand up to her face. "You wonderful little angel. Thank you, Valkyrie." A big glossy tear rolled down her cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb. "Please don't cry he whispered."

"But I thought I lost you." Her voice cracked. "I thought you had d..." Her breath caught in her throat as she choked on the last word.

"Oh, Valkyrie!" He sighed. He sat up carefully and pulled her onto his lap. He pulled her against his chest and rocked her backwards and forwards, soothingly stoking her hair. "Please don't cry, sweetheart, please don't cry."

Her arms winded around his neck and she refused to let him go. She would never let him go again. "Never leave me." She cried into his shoulder. "Please, never leave me."

He nestled the face of his skull into her hair. "I will _never_ leave you, Valkyrie Cain."

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too."

She felt him pulled away, and looked at him, puzzled. He slipped his fingers under his collar and activated the façade. He had curly black hair and violet-grey eyes. Skin flourished and materialised all over his body. The all-over-façade. Valkyrie understood and smiled. She crawled under the covers with him and snuggled up close to him. They laid together, facing one another.

"Kiss me." She said, simply. "Right here, right now."

"I don't need to be told." He smiled back, heart-breakingly gorgeously.

He leaned his face towards hers and their lips met, fireworks going off instantly. He tried to savour the moment, but like always, he was overcome by an undying urge to ravish her. The fire burned between their lips and the kiss spiralled out of control, but in the best kind of way possible. He rolled on top of her, careful not to hurt her fragile body and trailed kisses down her neck, the fire following his delicate pecks. His hands grabbed onto her t-shirt, bunching up the fabrics in his hands, wanting to rip it away from her.

They were interrupted by the sound of the infirmary door opening, and then an elderly voice saying, "Oh my!"

They both sat bolt upright, pushing the covers off them. Valkyrie went red when she saw Kenspeckle standing in the doorway, looking flustered.

"Um..." Valkyrie and Skulduggery said in unison.

"I see you're both feeling much better." Kenspeckle muttered, curtly. "I'll come back and check up on you later." He hurried out of the room, red-faced.

When he was gone Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery and bit her lip. "Oops."

He laughed. "Never mind, he's gone now."

"Do you think we'll be interrupted again?"

"I bloody hope not." He grinned.

She laughed, and pushed his shoulders back down on to the bed and leaned over him. "Good." And her mouth descended on his again.

**Righto! Well, that was the ending to that little saga.**

**I will update soon with a brand new little chappie with a brand new little story :)**

**I hope you liked it.**

**Look out for a chapter update! :)**

**xoxo  
**


	65. Valduggery: Violent love

**Dear lovely fanfic-ers :) I apologise for not posting up in a while, I have been in mourning for my Guinea pig. Yes, go on laugh! But I've had that little critter for eight and a half years! RIP Squeak!  
**

**But I'm okay now, ready to write LOADS! :)**

**Now, this little drabble is set just after Mortal Coil when Evil-Tanith and Billy Ray hook up. Be warned, this gets a little raunchy :$ And as much as I don't want to moan... *sigh* make sure you're age appropriate, blah blah - sorry I have to say that part! ;) It's not actually that bad it's just a little suggestive, and it has a bit of innuendo :P**

**But all things aside, I hope you like it :)  
**

Tanith Low held her sword high as she crept up behind Billy Ray Sanguine. The remnant inside her squealed with delight at the thought of the oncoming bloodshed. He had his back to her, standing out on the balcony, looking out over Dublin. It would be so easy, to kill him, to stab him straight through the lower back. It would be so damn easy, and she was being _so_ quiet! She drew back the sword, ready to pierce his torso with it, when he spoke.

"Honey-bun, if ya'll are expectin' to stab me with that fancy sword of yours, I'm afraid ya'll are quite mistaken." He turned round to face her. "Ya'll just have to try again tomorrow, sweet-pea."

Tanith smiled and lowered the sword. "Sorry, baby, just thought I could catch you off guard."

He kissed her on the cheek as he walked past her and back into their apartment. "I appreciate the attempt, sugar-bell."

Tanith grinned and growled, "Well, maybe you'll appreciate this!"

She lunged at him again, but he turned at the last second and the sword merely clipped his arm. He looked at the blood trickling from his bicep and snarled.

"Ya'll are gonna regret that, angel!" Sanguine sunk into the ground with a rumble.

"Buggar." Tanith grumbled.

Sanguine broke free of the ground behind Tanith, and as she wheeled around to look at him, he already had his arms around her waist. However, it was not in a romantic or tender way, he was restraining her. Her shock made her drop her sword and she cursed.

Sanguine pecked her cheek. "Miss me?"

Tanith growled and kneed him square between the legs. Sanguine gasped, doubling over, and stumbled away from her. "You… cheated!" He panted.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, _honey-bun!_" She mimicked his Texan drawl.

Tanith lashed a kick that was mean to send the boot of her heel smashing into his face, but instead he grabbed her ankle and wrenched her leg, making her drop to the floor. Sanguine was on top of her in an instant, his body laying on her, forcefully pinning her to the ground, one hand at her throat.

Tanith grinned devilishly at him. "Pinning me down, Billy Ray? You gonna force me to stay here? Should have brought some shackles with you, you know, _really _made it official!"

"I have no other interest in you than to kill you, darlin'." He snarled quietly inches away from her face.

She laughed at him scornfully. "Oh come on! You're _dying_ to kiss me. To touch me, to… well, I'll leave the rest up to your imagination. Can't we just pretend that we don't hate each other for a few moments and make like were in love?"

Now it was his time to laugh. "I don't think so. This is lust not love."

"Come, on Billy Ray. I know you want to. Just kiss me. You _want_ to."

"Oh? And how would ya'll know that?"

She grinned at him. "Curiosity. That growling inferno inside your mind that won't go away until you kiss me. I know you want to do it. Go on, you want to know how it feels to kiss a girl like me. You want to _taste_ it. You want to–"

She was stopped by his mouth crushing down onto hers and sure enough, she was right – it did feel good. It felt great in a deliriously evil kind of way. His lips forcefully caressed hers, without any trace of gentleness or affection. His mouth was hungry, and by kissing him back, she was giving into him and satisfying his appetite.

He moaned against her lips. When was the last time he had kissed anyone like this? His kisses trailed from her lips, over her jaw line, and down her neck, until he was brushing his lips over her collar bone.

Tanith saw how weak he was and took hold of the opportunity. She kneed him in the stomach and when he howled in pain and rolled off of her, she was instantly on top of him, in the exact same position he had been on her.

He was looking at her in bewilderment. "Why in the _Hell_ did you do that?"

"Sorry, baby." She brought her face close to his. "But I was lying. This just isn't going to happen. Sorry to get you all excited for nothing."

He laughed at her. "You're not going to leave."

She smiled in a lusciously wicked way back. "And why is that?"

"_Curiosity._" He mimicked her English accent. "Ya'll are going to leave here and wonder what it would have been like to go the whole darn way with me. Ya'll are gonna regret it. When ya'll are lying in bed all alone, ya'll would be wondering what it would have been like. Ya'll want to know how it feels to get with me. Ya'll want to know what it… _tastes like…"_

There was a brief pause before Tanith's lips descended on his, and the violent kisses began again. His lips tangled with hers, and his hands found her lower back, and they lingered there. He caught her bottom lip between his teeth and tugged on it, making Tanith moan.

Without hesitation, Sanguine was on his feet, hauling Tanith by her neck with him, his lips never leaving hers. He forced her backward, slamming her into a wall and broke off the kiss. He had her trapped now, up against the wall, hand against her throat, no weapons, and just brute strength. However, she wasn't struggling, just panting – gasping for air. He realised he was doing the same. And suddenly he had an overwhelming urge to kiss her again.

So he did.

He hesitated. Not in the wary way, but in a more normal way – in the human way. He almost felt… vulnerable? His empty eye sockets looked into her eyes with bewilderment. He realised she had brown eyes. His eyes had used to be brown once upon a time, too.

And then slowly, ever-so-slowly, he let his hand drop away from her neck and he kissed her. His lips met hers this time, not angrily, but tenderly – softly. He gently applied pressure, letting his mouth mould against hers, their lips melting and dancing together. When he felt her hands slip around his neck, he responded by wrapping his own arms around her waist and pulling her closer.

This was new to him. This was no longer lust, it was… something _else?_ He heard Tanith sigh against his lips and his hold on her tightened, as if he suddenly couldn't get her close enough. Tanith lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist, he carried her weight effortlessly. He carried her over to the sofa where he laid her down and assumed the position next to her, so their lips would never have to part.

Finally he pulled away and his hand caressed her delicate cheek. "Oh, Tanith." He sighed. "Why is it that all of our arguments end this way?"

She smiled up at him. "Because secretly you love me."

"And secretly you love me back." He smiled back at her.

She sighed, one of her hands running down his chest. "And forever we will participate in this violent love."

And the kisses began again.

**Okay! Okay! Didn't I warn you it got a little steamy in here? ;) Unless you disagree and just think I'm a total goon :P**

**Well, I hope you liked it :)**

**I'd love to hear from you!**

**xoxo  
**


	66. Valduggery: The chase part 1

**Okay, well, this little drabble is called Valduggery: The chase, and it was a lovely little story suggested to me by Dusky Malice - and we all love her for that, don't we? :)**

**This is only part one, Part 2 will be up soon!**

**Sorry if the chapters are coming a little bit few and far between lately, but fanfic seems to be having some trouble letting people get onto their stories at the moment. Anyone else having trouble with that?**

**Anyway! Onto the story!  
**

Valkyrie looked at the plane tickets in her hands. A return ticket to America. She looked up at her parent's smiling faces in bewilderment.

"You're trying to get rid of me?" She asked them.

They laughed. "It's a present, Val." Her mum smiled.

"You're shipping me off to another country... as a present?"

Her dad rolled his eyes. "We're giving you a holiday break. Your boyfriend Fletcher has a place out there and he said you're more than welcome to visit him whenever you want. Well, we got you a return ticket so you have to be back in a month. You could spend all summer out there if you wanted. There's an extra ticket for a friend of your choice."

Valkyrie sighed. "What on Earth did I do to deserve this totally amazing present, which I probably don't actually deserve at all?"

Her parents looked at each other dumbfounded for a second, then back at her. He mum frowned when she spoke. "Darling, you got you University Masters Degree."

Valkyrie should have known this, However she didn't. Not with her faulty reflection who kept hiding things from her. She plastered on her false smile. "Oh, right, right. Yeah, so I did."

"Do you like it?" Her dad grinned. "Are you going to go?"

Valkyrie's smile turned genuine and she laughed. "Of course I'm going to go!" She dived forwards and hugged them both, kissing their cheeks in turn. "And Fletcher's not my boyfriend anymore, remember?"

"Oh, yes, of course." Her mum nodded.

Her dad was nodding too. "Yes. There is obviously nothing going between you two."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "There isn't! And you two can sit here and debate this while I go home and pack my bags!"

She picked up her car keys from the coffee table and dashed out the front door. The car that was waiting outside was 1958 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud. Valkyrie jumped into the driver's seat, and drove off to Gordon's Mansion – or rather, _her_ mansion.

Skulduggery Pleasant pounded his fists against Valkyrie's front door. She had sent him a triple-red-alert-emergency text message; he had sped over here as fast as possible and was now practically knocking her front door down.

Valkyrie finally opened the front door and leaped into his arms. Skulduggery stumbled back a little bit, and awkwardly put his arms around her.

"Um," He stuttered. "What's the emergency?"

She jumped back from him and grinned. She waved two small, rectangular pieces of paper in his face. "Not an emergency!"

"Excuse me?"

"I have good news!" She grabbed onto his hand and pulled him inside the house, kicking the door shut behind them. She led him into the living room.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery wished he could frown. "You sent me a triple-red-alert-emergency text message, for _good news_?"

"Well I needed you to get over here fast."

He sighed. "Putting up with you is not easy."

She punched his arm. "Oi! Be nice, or I won't ask you to come with me!"

He cocked his head to one side. "You won't ask me to come _where_ with you?"

Her grin grew impossibly bigger. "I've got two tickets to America!"

He didn't say anything for a while. "Who from?"

"My parents."

"What for?"

"Getting my masters degree"

"Where _abouts_ in America?"

"Florida! The happiest place on Earth!"

"I see..."

She frowned. "Jheeze, Skul! Calm down! No need to sound so bloody excited about it!"

"I don't really know what to say." He mumbled.

She stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. "Say you'll come with me. There's no one else I'd rather take."

He brushed her hand off. "Valkyrie... I... I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I... it's where... and I..." He sighed. "I just can't."

Valkyrie crossed her arms. "Cant? Or _wont_?"

"Don't start with me, Valkyrie. I'm not in the mood."

Her temper suddenly flared. "No, well, neither am I. Not anymore, anyway. I was in a great mood until you brought me down."

"I'm sorry I'm such an inconvenience to you." He mumbled.

Valkyrie's expression was a cross between dismay and anger. "What? I would never say that! Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"I'm just saying the words you're thinking."

"I .AM. NOT. THINKING. THAT!" She exploded. "How on Earth can you think I am thinking that? I'm actually thinking: _Wow, I wonder why he doesn't want to come on holiday with me? I'm I really that horrible to be around?_ That's what I'm thinking!"

"And apparently _I'm_ putting words in _your_ mouth?"

Valkyrie gritted her teeth. "Stop being so childish!"

"Stop acting like a spoiled little girl! Your twenty one years old! Why don't you grow up?"

"You're over four hundred years old, why don't _you_ grow up!"

"Oh, very mature, Valkyrie, I'm sure."

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you!" She jabbed a finger at his chest.

"Oh, and I suppose it suits you?"

"I _own_ sarcasm, and I certainly don't give you permission to use it!"

Skulduggery's hands balled up into fists. "Why are you being so difficult?"

"Why are _you_? All I want is for you to go on holiday to me, and you're going all 'Godzilla' on me!"

Skulduggery laughed cruelly. "Says the girl who's destined to destroy the world!"

A horrible, heavy silence fell upon the two of them. The atmosphere was so tense it could have been cut with a knife. Skulduggery suddenly felt awful.

"Valkyrie..." He began quietly.

"Get out."

"But, Valkyrie–"

"I SAID GET OUT!" She screamed.

There was more silence.

"Okay." Skulduggery finally said, nodding. "Okay, I'll go now." He backed out of the room.

Valkyrie said nothing. She didn't even look at him.

"Bye." He mumbled, before turning and leaving.

Once he was gone, Valkyrie couldn't help the solitary tear that rolled down her cheek.

**Yes, yes, it had a sad ending! But there will be a part 2, and it will be up here soon! :)**

**Oh, and thank you for the amazing reviews! You're all absolute angels! :3  
**

**xoxo  
**


	67. Valduggery: The chase part 2

**OHH! You guys were angry at what Skulduggery said in the last chappie! Haha, I love your reviews! I seriously do m'dears! :')**

**So! This is Valduggery: The chase part 2, and I was thinking that this would be the last part, but it would appear that a part three is needed - so be on the look out for that!**

**I hope you like it! :D  
**

Skulduggery left the house and started towards the car. He unlocked the Bentley and grudgingly got inside. Speeding down the road he was left to his own thoughts, and he realised what and idiot he had been. Surely he could have told her? He could have told her why he didn't want – or rather, couldn't – go to America with her. America just held too many memories for him to relive. Admittedly they were good memories, but he always found that right after you remember the good… you remember the bad. Also, admittedly, these memories didn't take place in Florida – they actually took place in Forks Washington – but the principle was still the same.

He couldn't go to America though. He just couldn't.

But then again, was it worth losing his best friend? The only person in this world who really understood him? The only one who 'got' him? The only one who was willing to forgive him for the atrocious thing he did all those years ago during the war?

He didn't want to loose her. Not now, not ever. Especially not since…

Skulduggery realised he hadn't been paying attention. He had gone off in a daze, and verged off the road completely. Now he was driving, deliriously oblivious to his surroundings, through a field of startled sheep. He swerved to miss a lamb. He slammed on the brakes, and slumped forward in the driver's seat. He folded his arms atop the steering wheel and rested his head on them, like a teenager would when bored at school.

What had made him go off in a daze like that? Oh yes… Valkyrie Cain. He was thinking about her. He was thinking about how he… _liked her?_ Well that was silly, of course he liked her! She was his best friend! But, no that wasn't what had made him drive into this sheep paddock, but what had? It just seemed that every time he thought of Valkyrie, a ray of sunshine glowed from within him, warming his tired old bones, and bringing a laugh to the surface. Whenever he thought of her pretty face, with the big brown eyes, rosy cheeks, and full pink lips, his knees went weak. Why was this happening and what on Earth did it mean–

"Oh dear God." He muttered sitting up straight. "How could I have been so stupid?" Skulduggery shook his head in disbelief as he was only just realising his true, undying affection for the girl.

At this realisation, he put the car in gear, reversed out of the meadow, back onto the road and floored it back down to Valkyrie's Mansion.

…

Skulduggery pounded on Valkyrie's front door. "Valkyrie! Open up! Please! We need to talk! Look, I'm sorry, okay? I _really_ am! But please just open up because I _need _to talk to you!"

There was a voice from behind him. "Who you looking for buddie? Valkyrie?"

Skulduggery spun round. "Yes! Where is she?"

It was Valkyrie's next door neighbour, Michael. "Aint no Valkyrie who lives there, mate. That's Stephenie Edgley's Mansion, that is."

"Um, yeah." Skulduggery pulled his disguise closer around himself. "That's what I meant. Where is she?"

"Already left, mate. Going on some fancy holiday, like. Suit cases and everything! Gone with some posh kid. Tall, pale, kinda scary looking too. Weird name, Chan-Fan, Cake-land or something like that. They're gonna be gone for a whole month, she said. So I'm being in charge of watering her plants, collecting mail, and such like."

"She's already left?"

"Yup."

"How long ago?"

"Oooh." He looked at his wrist; despite there was no watch there. "Gone past half an hour ago, I reckon."

Skulduggery didn't even bother to respond. He just bolted for the Bentley.

...

Valkyrie and Caelan boarded the plan and took their seats. Her parents had sprung for first class and they were sitting in a lovely cabin that had a flat screen, extra large seats with tons of leg room and round the clock service with a smile, and the plane hadn't even taken off yet.

And although Valkyrie had all this, and one of her dearest friends Caelan beside her, and she was on her way to Kissimmee, Florida... she still wasn't happy.

She missed Skulduggery. Despite all he had said to her, she missed him. Not just in the usual way when they were apart. It was something more. Her chest physically ached, like there was a gaping hole in it that could only be filled by seeing him.

So imagine her surprise, when the plane was speeding down the runway at 600 miles per hour, and just leaving the tarmac and taking off, she saw the great flying Skeleton Detective tapping at her window!

**So, this was a little short, and a little... erm how shall i put this... daft? LOL! :P But I hope you liked it!**

**Oh! And thanks to Holly Swift for suggesting that they go to Kissimee in Florida :) You're a star! :D  
**

**Part 3 up next!**

**I'll update soon!**

**Mwah!  
**

**xoxoxo  
**


	68. Valduggery: The chase part 3

**Wow! It feels like ages since I've popped by to say hello - even though it's probably only been a couple of days!**

**Anyway, I finished my "The Chase" story and here is the last part, entitled Valduggery: The chase part 3 :)**

**It's quite long, and cheesy, but I needed to cheer myself up! So here we are! I hope you like it!**

**Thanks again Dusky Malice 3**

**xoxo  
**

Valkyrie nearly screamed when she saw Skulduggery at her window as they were taking off. She clamped a hand over her mouth and peered out of the window. She thought he was standing on the wing, but instead he was actually flying next to the plane. What the Hell was he doing? He was going to get himself _killed._

He was mouthing her name to her. Then Caelan turned to her and she pulled down the blind.

"Are you okay?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Um… Yes… I'm fine."

"You sure? Don't you like take off?"

"Err, no… I hate it."

He patted her hand. "It'll be fine."

She waited for him to turn away before pulling the blind back up a few inches. When she couldn't see him she panicked and pulled up the blind fully. He was gone! Valkyrie felt herself physically go a shade whiter. She pressed her face to the window and looked for him. He was nowhere. She could have cried.

There was a crackle from above and the pilot's voice sounded from the intercom. "Ladies and gentleman. We are going to be making an emergency landing, due to some idiot who has strapped himself to the front of the plane –"

Valkyrie eyes widened and her breath caught in her mouth.

"–so could everyone please get in the crash landing positions shown to you by the air hostesses, it's going to be a bumpy next ten minutes. Thank you."

Valkyrie almost laughed despite herself, but she didn't relax. He was still outside, in danger, and he would be for the next ten minutes.

The plank banked left, veering away from the water below and the trees and headed back for the runway. After an agonising ten minutes on clenching an unclenching her fists, chewing her lip, and tapping her feet against the chair in front, all the while huddled over in the emergency crash landing position, they landed – sort of.

The wheels under the belly of the plane came down and hit the tarmac. The plane bounced and jolted, throwing the people inside about. There was a manic atmosphere among the passengers as they screamed and yelped in alarm, sitting in the brace position, waiting for the plane to stop rocking down the runway.

Valkyrie kept trying to get out of the brace position, but every time she lifted her head, Caelan pushed her back down to her knees. He mumbled something about 'safety first'.

Eventually the plane slowed, the shaking stopped. With a groan the aircraft rolled to a stop. At that precise moment, Valkyrie was jumping out of her seat, dashing through the aisle, heading for the exit. Caelan made a grab for her but he missed.

An air hostess stepped in her way. "Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to sit down, thank you." Her plastered on smile didn't falter one bit.

"No." Valkyrie said, bluntly. "Get out of my way." She tried to push past the air stewardess.

The stewardess put a hand on Valkyrie's shoulder and firmly pushed her back, her glossy smile remained. "Please, Miss, go and sit back down. It's not safe for you to be wandering around.

Caelan called over to her. "Val, come on. Come and sit back down."

She looked back at him. "No." She turned back to the stewardess and tried again to shove past her. "Let me through."

The hostess gritted her teeth, the smile wavering a bit. "Please. Sit. Down."

"NO!" She pushed her shoulders.

The smile suddenly dropped. "Listen, you spoiled brat! I've just worked a double shift, I've been on this plane for fourteen hours, my shoes are killing me, I've got a cat with diabetes to tend to when I get home, I think my hair is falling out from stress, I'm on a new slim fast diet which is starving me, and I want you to sit down RIGHT NOW!"

Valkyrie blinked in astonishment. She looked at the panting stewardess. "Are you done now?"

The stewardess nodded. "I think so, thanks."

"Good." Valkyrie nodded slowly. "Well, bye."

Valkyrie barged past the hostess and bolted for the exit. She reached the emergency door.

"Hey!" A different air hostess marched over to her.

"Valkyrie!" Caelan stood up.

"Sir! Sit down!" Shouted the stewardess.

Caelan sat down again, sheepishly.

Valkyrie grabbed the door handle ad wrenched it upwards. The door opened outwards and swung out sideways to the left, revealing the outside. Valkyrie looked down. The drop to the ground was further away than she had anticipated.

"Miss! This is totally inappropriate!" The hostess stood at her elbow, please go and sit down, you're putting yourself in danger.

Valkyrie turned to her. "Trust me; it's not the first time." And then she jumped.

Valkyrie heard the air hostess scream as Valkyrie plummeted to the ground. Not even caring that there were mortals were around, Valkyrie used the air to slow her descent. As soon as her feet touched the ground she was running round to the nose of the plane. She craned her neck upwards and saw Skulduggery Pleasant shackled to the gigantic, and incredibly strong, windscreen wipers.

Valkyrie sighed. "Oh dear God, this is ludicrous." She jumped and used the air to carry her upwards and onto the nose of the plane. She looked at the skeleton detective.

Skulduggery Pleasant was wrestling with the shackles trying to free himself. He hadn't even noticed her. Valkyrie was pleased to see that he wasn't visibly harmed, but she was still furious at him.

"What the _Hell_ do you think you're playing at?" She snapped.

Skulduggery turned round to see her. "Valkyrie!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I've come to stop you from leaving."

"Yes, evidently."

"We need to talk, Val."

"You had to make a plane crash to do that?" She raised an eyebrow.

Skulduggery gave the shackles one final sharp tug, and it ripped away from the plane. He was free. He walked over to her. "Val, I had to say sorry before you left. I said some things. Bad things. If I could take them back I would, but I can't and I'm sorry."

Her mouth fell open. "Skulduggery..." She shook her head in disbelief. "Do you really think I even care about that? You could have just killed yourself! I'm just glad you're still all in one piece!"

"Oh, Val." He walked towards her with open arms.

She raised a hand to stop him. "Um, I don't think so."

He stopped. "I'm sorry?"

"Well, you have just reminded me of how mad I am at you."

"Oh."

She nodded, and folded her arms. "Yes. _Oh._"

"Valkyrie, I'm sorry! I crossed the line and I'm so, _so_ sorry! I wasn't thinking and I just said something stupid, and I've regretted ever since. Please forgive me."

She pouted a little more. "Why didn't you want to come on holiday with me?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you want to come to America with me?"

He looked down at his shoes. "Oh. Right. Well..."

"Yes?"

"I have certain... memories with America."

"Memories?"

"Yes, memories..."

"Care to elaborate?"

He sighed and looked up at her. "Memories of my wife before she died. Valkyrie, America was where I met my wife. It's where I met Belle."

Valkyrie felt her face slacken. "Oh."

"I didn't want to remember the good times... because, well, then I would have to remember the bad. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. But I couldn't even bring myself to think of it."

There was a brief pause. Valkyrie strode over to him and punched his arm.

"Ow!" He grumbled. "What was that for?"

"For being an idiot and not telling me about this before!"

"I'm sorry."

She punched him again. "Stop apologising! I'm the one who should be apologising!"

"How do you figure that one out?"

"I wasn't being a good friend to you."

"Yeah, well with the stuff I said to you, neither was I. I'm sorry, Val."

"I'm sorry too."

They practically fell into each other's arms. Valkyrie buried her face into his shoulder, Skulduggery nestling the side of his skull into her hair.

Skulduggery pulled away. "Valkyrie, I need to explain why I came here today."

She put a hand over his mouth – or at least where his mouth should be. "You don't need to explain."

"I don't?"

"No, I understand."

He tilted his head to one side. "How long have you known? Have long have you known that I love you?"

She grinned. "A very long time. How long have you known that I love you too?"

"Like, since the day we met."

She laughed. "Don't be a douche."

She slipped her fingers under his collar and activated the façade. Today he had bronze hair and violet-grey eyes. He smiled down at her as she put her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Well." He spoke softly. "What do we do now?"

"Well... I was on a flight to Kissimmee..."

"Yes?"

"So maybe you should... kissy – me..."

Skulduggery laughed. "I don't need telling twice."

He cradled his face in her hands, and his lips descended upon hers. The chase was over. And he had won.

**Told you it was a long story... and quite cheesy! And I sincerely hope you'll forgive me for that cheesy "kissy-me" line! ;) Thank you Holly Swift for implanting the idea in my brain! :) Joking, ly really little sis-starrr! ;)  
**

**I will update soon! Promise! :)**

**xoxo  
**


	69. Valduggery: Human again part 1

**This cute little idea, which I though was amazing, was brought to me by Ominous DarkFlame - so thank you muchly! :) Round of applause! :D  
**

**Also - and I know she will kill me for this - I missed a friend's birthday, because she didn't tell me when it was (you turnip!) and so I am dedicating this multi-part drabble to her, HARMONY-ROSE TEMPTATION! Haha! I'm evil! Sorry harmony, you have permission to kill me later! ;) Happy (late) birthday sweetie 3**

**And, onto the story, Valduggery: Human again part 1  
**

Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain stood outside Nye's warehouse. Valkyrie had one hand on his arm for support. _His_ support. _He_ was the patient today. Not Valkyrie. He stood there, staring at the building. Valkyrie realised he was shaking.

She turned to him, her long dark hair sweeping behind her like a veil. She spoke softly. "Don't be scared."

He looked at her. "I'm not scared."

"Skul, you're shaking."

"I'm okay. I'm fine – grand even."

"You don't have to do this. You'll be my friend regardless."

He pulled her into a tight hug. "I know. But now you've got to be a good friend and let me do this. It's the only way."

She buried her face against his chest. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I wont."

"Please stop shaking, you're going to make me cry."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." He stroked her hair. "I'll try."

She looked up at him with watery eyes. "You _are_ frightened aren't you?"

He sighed. "Valkyrie… I am _terrified_."

She nestled back into his chest. "Promise me you won't let your guard down in there for one second. I can't go in there to back you up, and Nye is sneaky. I know you won't be as dead and stupid as I was in there… but… but…" her voice cracked.

"Please don't cry." He whispered. "Oh God, Valkyrie, please don't cry."

"I'm sorry."

He put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. She was eighteen, but he was still miles taller than her. "I'm coming back. I'm coming back to you, okay? Wait for me, and I'll be back."

"Okay." She sniffled.

"Good girl." He stroked her cheek. "I'll see you in a few hours."

And then he turned on his heel and walked through the door to the warehouse without looking back.

Waiting for Skulduggery inside was Doctor Nye. The doctor smiled, its gaping mouth like a freshly opened wound, its beady black eyes glistening in the dim light, its long arms dragging by its sides.

When it spoke, its voice was breathy and cracked. "Detective Pleasant. I've been looking forward to seeing you."

Being already dead, his mind didn't go numb like other peoples who came in here. He tried to control his visible trembling. Strange as it was, this thing terrified Skulduggery. It was a sick, evil, twisted freak after all. Skulduggery also wanted to smash Nye's face in for what he did to Valkyrie. But despite all this he couldn't bring himself to move. He could barely just talk.

"Let's just get this over with, shall we?" Skulduggery said in a tight voice.

"Now, now, Detective. If I remember correctly, it is me doing you a favour today, is it not?"

"It's hardly a favour when I'm paying you."

"I'm taking time out of my busy schedule to see you. I think that is classified as a favour."

"By 'busy schedule' do you mean: keeping people prisoners here while you perform your own sick autopsies and experiments on them?"

"If we're going to get into semantics, then yes. That is what I do. Your friend Valkyrie didn't seem to mind."

Skulduggery's hands balled into fists. "You held her here hostage."

"And I was a gentleman the whole time. Talked to her through the whole operation to keep her mind at ease. I was really kind."

"You held her prisoner." Skulduggery snarled. "And words whispered through prison bars loose their charm."

Nye laughed. It was a wheezing, coughing sound. "I didn't need to charm her. She was practically defenceless. I could do anything I wanted to her and she wouldn't have been able to stop me–"

Nye was cut off by Skulduggery's hand closing around its throat and driving him backwards. Skulduggery smashed Nye into the wall and held it there. Choking it.

Skulduggery growled. "Don't provoke me, Nye. Talk about her like that again and I _will_ kill you. Operation or no operation."

Nye squirmed under Skulduggery's grip. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Ow, you're hurting me!"

"Good! And if you ever hurt Valkyrie again… I'll leave you with a fate worse than death. Do you understand me?"

"Yes! Yes!"

Skulduggery hesitated before putting him down. "Okay."

"Now if, you'll just lie down on the operating table, we can get started."

Skulduggery looked at the surgical room and suddenly his fear crept back up on him. He looked back at Nye. "Nothing holding me down? No straps?"

"No straps."

There was a pause. "Okay."

And so, the operation began.

**I hope you liked it! Part 2 will be up soon :)**

**Again, rapturous applause for Ominous DarkFlame!**

**Happy birthday Harmony!**

**Look out for the next update m'dears :)  
**

**xoxo  
**


	70. Valduggery: Human again part 2

**So, here we are with part two, entitled, Valduggery: Human again part 2 .**

**This will have a part 3 and so on, btw! :)**

**Also, i'm planning some twists and turns for this story... mwah ha ha ha! ;)  
**

Skulduggery groaned and opened his eyes. Straight away he knew this was wrong. He was a skeleton, he couldn't _open his eyes._ He groaned again as he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Again, this was wrong. He had no hair to run his hand through. Something was definitely wrong. He looked around himself at his surroundings. He was in some sort of dank operating theatre. Where the Hell was he?

"Awake, finally." A croaky voice crowed from behind him.

Skulduggery snapped his head round and spotted Nye, and suddenly all the memories of before he had fallen asleep came back to him. He quickly jerked his hands up in defence, expecting them to be tied down, but he found that he was free. No straps. No shackles, no anything. He also realised he was only partly dressed. He still has his trousers and shoes on, but his shirt, jacket, hat and tie were in a pile on the floor.

And then the biggest shock. Skulduggery was looking down at himself and he was seeing skin. All over his chest was soft, warm skin. He run his hand over his torso and gasped at the sight of his own hand, that was covered in flesh and so were his arms, and legs and well, everywhere else.

"You are please with the results, yes?" Nye smiled his open-wound smile.

Skulduggery leapt off the bed and ran to the other side of the room, to where Nye's full length mirror stood. Skulduggery stood in front of it and gazed at the tall, toned body of the handsome man, with the square jaw and high cheekbones looking back at him. His face was just as he remembered. His loose, dark brown hair shaped his chiselled features, hanging just above his green-blue eyes.

And then, for the first time in over 400 years, Skulduggery smiled. And then he was laughing, running his hands through his hair again and again. Oh, he'd missed his hair so much. He turned to Nye who was still behind him.

"You actually did it!" Skulduggery laughed. "Oh my God, I'm human again!"

"Yes, with all the normal human functions. You're organs work, you age, you can eat and sleep. You have blood, skin etcetera, etcetera."

Skulduggery picked up his shirt and began to put it on, marvelling at his fingernails in the process. "Well thank you. I hate you, Nye, but you've done well – I have to at least give you that much."

"You have to _at least_ pay me too."

Skulduggery picked up his jacket and reached inside the inner-pocket. He pulled out several notes and handed them to Nye. "Here! Take it! Take it all! I really don't care anymore!" He put on his jacket and then his tie and hat. "I'm human again – something I never thought that I'd have for the rest of my life – so nothing really matters anymore!"

Nye smiled in a sickly way. "You're forgetting one thing."

"What's that?"

"There's a dark-haired girl waiting for you outside."

Skulduggery's eyes widened. "Oh God! Valkyrie!"

He bolted out of the room and ran through the corridors in the warehouse. He made a bee-line for the exit and ran into the door leading to the outside world, smashing it open. He stepped out into the sunshine and felt the sudden warmth on his skin, and breeze on his face. He could smell the scent of the pine trees from the near-by forest. He was laughing again. Then he spotted her. She was standing by the Bentley with her back to him.

"Valkyrie!" he called, loudly, running to her.

She turned and saw the tall, handsome stranger running towards her with open arms. She summoned a fireball into her hands and held it up at him. "Stop!" She shouted. "Who are you? Do I know you?"

Skulduggery stopped running immediately, but he couldn't stop himself from grinning. "Val, it's me!"

Valkyrie's eyes narrowed at him. He certainly sounded familiar, but she'd definitely never seen him before - although there was something familiar about his face. The jaw line was familiar… so were the cheekbones… and he was dressed so impeccably…

The fireball dissipated from her hand. "Oh… my… God…"

"It's really me, Val." He grinned.

"OHMYGOD!" She screamed and ran to him.

She ran and practically leapt into his arms, throwing her arms around his neck. He wrapped his muscular arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet. He spun, swinging her round with him. She buried her head against his warm neck and laughed softly. Skulduggery nestled his face into her soft hair, and for the first time he could smell how sweet it was. Like strawberries, but even more delicious.

And then another sensation hit him. Touch. He instantly put her down and pulled away from her, looking at her in wonder. She looked at him in bewilderment. Hesitantly he put a hand to her face, his fingertips brushing lightly over her skin. It felt amazing. The feeling of skin touching skin was incomparable. It was like all of his nerve endings were on fire, prickling beneath his hand.

"Oh…God…" He whispered. "This is… its just incredible…"

She closed her hands around his that were resting on her checks, and squeezed gently. More fireworks went of against his skin. "What is?" She asked softly.

"Being able to touch again." He murmured. "I've… well, I've missed it. You have no idea how good this feels."

She laughed. "I think I do."

His hands went from her face to running through her soft hair. It felt like satin trailing through his fingers. "Oh my…" he shook his head in amazement. "This is brilliant, Valkyrie. I don't even know how to explain it."

She laughed even harder. "Oh, bless you."

He grinned at her. "So…what do you think?"

"What do I think of what?"

"How do I look?"

Valkyrie bit her lip. There was no denying that he looked good. He looked _handsome_ in fact. But telling him that, would only inflate his ego. "You're looking pretty dapper." She admitted.

He smiled even wider. "Thanks, I know."

"Is that how you looked before?"

"Yes, Valkyrie, this is how I looked before I was turned into a skeleton."

She smiled up at him. "Well you look good. I really mean it, you look _really_ good."

"Thank you."

"So," She looked at him devilishly. "What's the first thing you want to do now that you're human?"

His stomach growled and he chuckled softly. "Let's go get something to eat. I haven't eaten in over four hundred years."

She laughed. "You've got a deal."

**Let me know what you think so far :)**

**Part 3 will be up soon!**

**Thank you muchly! :)**

**xoxo  
**


	71. Valduggery: Human again part 3

**Ta da! Valduggery: Human again part 3 at your service! I hope you like it, and yes there is a twist...**

**Well, you didn't expect it all to keep going so well did you? ;)  
**

Valkyrie put the plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, fried bread, cherry tomatoes, sausages and chipolatas in front of Skulduggery. She put an apple-banana-pineapple smoothie next to it.

She nodded at the food proudly and sat opposite him on the table. "It may be the only food I know how to make, but I bet this will be the best fry-up you'll have ever tasted."

He grinned up at her. "We'll see about that." He picked up a fork and shovelled some scrambled eggs onto it. Slowly he lifted it to his mouth. Looking at it, he licked his lips before putting it in his mouth. His eyes widened. "Oh my God…"

Valkyrie's face slackened. "Don't you like it?"

"Good God, Val, of _course_ I like it!" He scooped more food into his mouth.

Valkyrie threw back her head and laughed. "Try the smoothie."

Skulduggery complied and took a huge gulp of the drink. When he looked up at her he had a smoothie moustache. "This is _really_ good!"

"I know." She grinned reaching over to wipe his mouth with a tea-towel for him.

Skulduggery went back to his breakfast and finished it off in record breaking time. He looked up at Valkyrie and smiled. "That was amazing."

And it was. He hadn't eaten in over 400 years! He had forgotten what it was like to taste, or what it was like to have a full belly. It was almost as good as touch. He licked his lips appreciatively.

Valkyrie giggled and batted her eyelashes, not aware she was doing it. Skulduggery's heart stuttered at this point and he had absolutely no idea why. Without even giving himself permission to do it, he reach out to take her hand. Touching her this time felt just even more amazing, for some reason, and like fire to gasoline flames liked against his skin where his hand touched hers. He was looking at her and he saw she was blushing. He quickly snatched his hand away and felt his own cheeks heat up. Blushing – that was something he hadn't missed.

Valkyrie saw his blush and laughed. She got up and walked over to him. She sat on his lap and hugged him like she would have done when she was younger.

"You make me laugh, Skul."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh do I?"

She grinned at him wickedly. "I wonder if you're ticklish?" Her hands went for his sides.

He caught her wrists. "No, Valkyrie."

She giggled again and sent his heart racing. For a split second he lost himself in her big brown eyes and he let his grip loosen. She yanked her hands out of his clutch and they went straight to his waist, and she started to tickle him.

Skulduggery laughed and tried to squirm away from her, so he straddled him and carried on tickling.

"Valkyrie! No! Stop!" He near-shrieked.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" She smirked.

"Valkyrie stop! Please I'm begging you!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Don't make me pin you down!"

"I'd like to see you–"

Within a split second he had wriggled out of her grasp, slid her off his lap and onto the floor, and was now straddling her, pinning her hands to the ground above her head.

"–try..." She trailed off.

"Gotcha." He winked.

Valkyrie just looked up at him with wide eyes, the air of lust about them. Her lips were slightly parted and Skulduggery had never noticed quite how soft and pink they were before now. His smile vanished and he barely even realised he was leaning his face down towards hers. He was suddenly wondering what her lips tasted like. He left his face inches away from hers and he could smell her sweet breath tingling against his face. He hung there for a few seconds before wrenching his face away from her.

"I'm going to go and have a shower." He said indifferently. "It's been a while."

He jumped up off her and speedily walked out of the room. Valkyrie laid on the floor for the next few minutes panting to herself. What had just happened here? Then she closed her eyes and laughed incredulously.

The door bell rang and she was forced to get up. She walked to her front door and opened it to six old acquaintances.

The man at the front of the group spoke first. "Hello, lil darlin'."

**Okay! Don't say I didn't warn you! Three gueses for who has just turned up at the front door ;)**

**Part 4 will be up soon!**

**Thank you muchly for the amazing reviews m'dears! :')**

**xoxo  
**


	72. Valduggery: Human again part 4

**Hello m'dears! Sorry about the delay in updating, I don't really have an excuse except that I've been busy this Easter holiday! I hope you're all enjoying your time off too! :)**

**Here is part four, left on a cliffie - so I'm sorry! But there will be a part five up soon! :D**

**Enjoy!  
**

Skulduggery hummed 'The Girl From Ipanema' happily to himself as the hot water cascaded over his body warming his skin. This felt good. This definitely felt good. He groaned blissfully just thinking about it. His skin seemed to be tingling happily under the water, elating his senses. He found his thoughts trailed back Valkyrie. What had happened back there? Why had he just felt the sudden urge to kiss her and hold her and... well all the rest? He was letting himself drift off into the realms or daydreaming when he heard Valkyrie scream from downstairs.

Quick as a lightening he bolted out of the shower, pulled on his boxers and trousers, and was running downstairs, dripping wet. He burst into the living room to see Valkyrie shackled to a chair, and six evil sorcerers around her: Sanguine, Dusk, Spring-heeled Jack, Scapegrace, Thrasher, and most heart-breaking, Tanith Low – the Remnant.

Dusk was standing behind Valkyrie, knife to her throat. Scapegrace and Thrasher stood either side of her. Tanith and Sanguine stood before them, arms around each other in some form of a disgusting display. Jack was coming round behind Skulduggery to block him in.

Sanguine looked at Skulduggery. "Well, well, well! The rumours are true! Ya'll really are all fleshy again!"

"Let Valkyrie go." Skulduggery said in an even tone.

"Now why in the _Hell _would I do a thing like that?"

"Because if you don't, I'll rip your head off."

"Now, now, Detective. Let's not forget how vulnerable ya'll are now, what with ya'll being all covered in skin, and filled with blood and guts and that kinda mush, again."

"Who told you I was human again?"

"Who do ya think?"

Skulduggery's voice turned ice cold. "Nye."

"Yup, we paid him off. Didn't have to persuade him much though. He seemed kinda eager to have you dead." Sanguine looked back at Valkyrie. "Well, that is of course if we agreed to hand over this pretty lil' lady to him in return."

Valkyrie visibly paled.

"Over my dead body." Skulduggery went to march over to Valkyrie to be by her side, when he heard a gun snap from behind him.

"That can be arranged." Jack said from behind him.

Skulduggery didn't have to turn to know that there was a gun aimed at the back of his head.

"Ah, so ya'll are finally gettin' it detective." Sanguine grinned. "We can actually kill ya'll now."

"Let Valkyrie go." Skulduggery demanded. "Kill me, by all means – I really don't give a damn – just let Valkyrie go."

"NO!" Screamed Valkyrie. All eyes went to her. "Don't hurt him. Please." She whispered.

"Why shouldn't we?" Dusk snarled next to her ear. "He's tried killing us plenty of times in the past."

Valkyrie trembled at him being so close to her. "Skulduggery doesn't deserve this."

Dusk trailed his fingers across her neck. "He does. Just as you deserve to be shipped over to Nye so he can play about with you. It's fun."

Valkyrie whimpered.

Skulduggery felt his heart thud particularly hard in response to her fear. He started towards her again but he heard the gun snap again behind him.

"That was your second warning, Detective." Jack growled. "There won't be a third."

Skulduggery snarled angrily.

Scapegrace went and got another chair from the dining room and Thrasher produced some shackles. They put the chair in front of Skulduggery and stood beside it.

"Take a seat, wont ya, Detective." Sanguine smiled wickedly.

Grudgingly – and only because he had a gun pointed at his head – Skulduggery sat down, and Scapegrace and Thrasher proceeded to chain and shackled him to the chair. He was magic bound, just like Valkyrie. They were now sitting opposite each other, her face only showing her despair, and Skulduggery mirrored it.

Throughout this whole exchange, Tanith was seeming to look more and more unsettled, her black lips pressed together in a hard line.

She tapped Sanguine's shoulder. "Um, honey-bear?"

He looked at her and smiled like a love-sick puppy. "Yes, sweetums?"

"What was that about Valkyrie being taken to Doctor Nye?"

"What about it?"

Tanith frowned. "Well, it's not true is it?"

"Well... yeah."

Her frown deepened. "We never discussed that."

He started to look irritated. "Sweetie-pie, what in the Hell does it matter if we didn't discuss it?"

"We're supposed to talk about all evil plans before we put them into action – you know that."

"Oh Hell, not this again."

"I don't like this. Valkyrie isn't supposed to die, how is she going to become Darquesse that way?"

"Your crazy fantasies aren't my concern, lil' darlin'."

"They will be if I say they will. Do you want to sleep on the couch again tonight?"

Sanguine groaned and run his hands through his hair. "Can we please talk about this later, sugar-bell?"

"No, I think we're going to talk about this right now!"

Dusk snarled. "For heaven's sake! Can you two have your domestic later? This is a hostage situation for Christ's sake!"

Tanith wheeled round to face him. "Um, _you_ can stay out of this! This is between my fiancé and me!"

Sanguine bit his lip. "Honey, please don't make him mad."

"Oh yes!" Tanith exploded. "That's it! Side with your friends like you always do!"

"Why do you hate all of my friends?"

"Because you always spend more time with them than you do me–"

"ENOUGH!" Jack roared and held the gun at them both. "Stop arguing or I'll blow both of your brains out! I'm crazy enough to do it – you know I am!"

Tanith gave Sanguine a side-ways glance. "_This_ is why I don't like your friends." She muttered.

Scapegrace made a sound like a whining dog. "When are we going to get to the torture?"

"Yeah! When?" Thrasher groaned.

Sanguine pulled out his straight razor and strode over to Skulduggery. "Right now." He growled.

"No!" Valkyrie screamed but it was too late. Sanguine was already slicing the blade across Skulduggery's chest.

Skulduggery screamed out in agony. Oh God that hurt. He had forgotten how much that could hurt. He gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. He could feel his own warm, sticky blood trickling town his toned torso giving him a sickly feeling.

"STOP! STOP!" Valkyrie screamed desperately. Don't hurt him! Please stop! _Please!"_

But Sanguine continued to cut and slice into Skulduggery's new, fragile body. He sliced his abs, his torso, his shoulders, his back, each time making Skulduggery cry out in pain. Tears came to his eyes, partly from the pain, partly from hearing Valkyrie's screams. Mostly the pain though he decided. The pain was unbearable. He refused to let one tear fall, so he didn't open his eyes.

Suddenly, the slices stopped coming, and making sure he wasn't going to betray his own words and cry he slowly opened his eyes. Sanguine was frowning at him. "This stopped being fun. Killin' is more fun than torturing." He turned to Dusk. "Kill the girl–"

"NO!" Skulduggery and Tanith roared in unison.

"–slowly." Sanguine finished like he hadn't heard them.

"No!" Skulduggery shouted. "You can't hurt her! Don't any of you dare hurt her! I'll kill any of you who even so much as _touches_ her!"

He was ignored.

Tanith piped up. "You can't kill her! I need her! The remnants _need_ her!"

Sanguine glared at her. "Sweet-pea, ya'll are really gettin' on my nerves today!"

"You cannot kill my saviour!"

"I'll do whatever the Hell I like!"

"NO!" She practically shrieked in his face.

Sanguine growled. "One more outburst from you today and you will regret it!"

Tanith slapped him hard across the face, leaving a red imprint of her hand against his cheek. Sanguine roared with animalistic fury and punched her square in the face. Tanith's head snapped back upon impact. She swayed a little bit before passing out, falling into a heap on the ground.

Sanguine rubbed his cheek. He looked back at Dusk. "Proceed with killing the girl."

All Skulduggery could do was scream, "NO!"

**Okay! Okay! Don't get mad at me! I will update soon!**

**Heh heh - but seriously, I hope you're liking it so far :)**

**xoxo  
**


	73. Valduggery: Human again part 5

**M'dears, I am sorry for leaving the story on a cliffie and then leaving it so long before updating! I know - I'm just so rotten :P**

**This is the Last part of the 'Human Again' saga and I really hope you like it!**

**Just a little note - I really enjoyed writing this story because I had a lot of ways to go where the story line was concerned. I had a lot of possibilities for Skulduggery and his new-found humanity. Of course I knew there had to be some Valduuggery! it would be mean to let him be human again and not let anything... happen... ;) But, seriously, writing this last part was difficult - a real challenge - but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I wanted to get just the right amount of Valduggery romance without going overboard, and I wanted to make it a little camp without making it too cheesy - and I wanted to make it suggestive without making it overly steamy (and that part was particularly hard to find the right balance) but I hope I've done a good job and I really hope you genuinely like it :)**

**Why am I so chatty today? Well, It's 2:40 in the morning right now and I'm extremely lonely and slightly delirious from the sleep deprivation!**

**And without further delay, I give you, Valduggery: Human again part 5!**

**Enjoy!  
**

Dusk brought his fangs down onto Valkyrie's neck and just as the tips of his teeth scraped her skin; he was knocked back by an almighty fist smacking him square in the face. Dusk looked at his attacker.

Tanith Low.

"Tanith, what the _Hell?"_ Dusk screeched, clutching his broken nose.

"No one," Tanith growled, "and I mean, _no one_, lays a finger on my saviour."

"You're insane! Sanguine, you're woman's insane!"

"Bloody Hell, Tanith!" Sanguine snarled. "I thought I knocked you out!"

"Ever heard of acting, sweetheart? I practically have to do it every nig–"

"OKAY!" Sanguine held up his hands. "That's enough!"

Scapegrace and Thrasher giggled like schoolboys who had just overheard an adult joke, from where they were standing.

Dusk was getting impatient. "Just knock her out for good and then we can kill the girl!"

"No one is killing Valkyrie Cain tonight!" Tanith snapped.

"Oh, I'm so fed up of this!" Sanguine said and lunged at her.

Tanith anticipated his move and lashed a kick into his stomach and he went flying backwards into a wall. Spring-heeled-Jack jumped for her, but her hand snapped up at him, grabbing a fistful of his hair and violently bringing his head down to smash into her knee. Sanguine was running at her again hands outstretched, so Tanith withdrew her sword and chopped of three of his fingers on his left hand and the thumb of his right. He wheeled back, screaming at where his digits used to be.

She looked at Jack. "Do you wanna try that again? Because come and have a go if you think you're hard enough."

Jack stood his ground for a few moments, before turning on his heel and sprinting from the house, Scapegrace and Thrasher following, grizzling with fear. Sanguine sunk into the ground, grumbling with pain and anger. Tanith had almost forgotten about Dusk who had been standing behind Valkyrie the entire time, clutching onto her shoulders possessively. Skulduggery sat from where he was shackled to the chair, watching Valkyrie helplessly.

Dusk cleared his throat. "Forget about me, Miss Low?"

Without warning Dusk lunged for the hollow of Valkyrie's throat and sunk his teeth deep into her flesh. She screamed and cried out as Dusk ripped and tore at her neck.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery screamed, becoming choked.

Tanith leapt at Dusk, pushing him off Valkyrie who was now sitting limply on the chair, head hanging, and pushed Dusk to the ground. Tanith put her hands either side of his head, and wrenched his neck 180 degrees and with a stomach-lurching _crack _he was dead.

Skulduggery was trembling where he sat, chained to the chair, whispering Valkyrie's name over and over again. Tanith ran to him first and untied him, and then together they darted back over to the unconscious and barely alive Valkyrie, untied her and laid her down on the carpet.

Skulduggery was cradling her face in his hands, his voice barely a whisper now. "Oh, Valkyrie."

Tanith spoke with great control and calmness. "She's infected now, but I can cure her and fix her wound."

Skulduggery clutched Valkyrie to him possessively. "Why would I trust you?"

"Because I just saved you both. And I don't want her to die any more than you."

"Only because you want her to become Darquesse at some point in the future."

"We're still fighting for the same side, Pleasant."

Skulduggery sighed and reluctantly put Valkyrie into Tanith's open arms. He kept holding one of her hands the entire time. He gave Tanith a stern look. "If you _dare_ hurt her..."

"You'll kill me, I know. Change the record, dude."

Tanith put one hand to Valkyrie's wound and closed her eyes. She started muttering in an ancient Remnant language used for healing. She started off by extracting all of Dusks venom out of her through the palm of her hand against the infected area.

"Come on, Valkyrie." Skulduggery begged. "Please pull through. _Please_."

Next Tanith started to heal her wound, repairing the damaged muscle, mending tissue cells, replacing lost blood, killing bacteria, making the skin grow back over it.

Tanith took her hand away. "Done."

Skulduggery practically tore Valkyrie out of Tanith's clutches and cradled her in his arms. He looked at her menacingly. "Why isn't she waking up?"

Tanith frowned. "I didn't say she would wake up. I said I could _heal_ her. It doesn't mean she might not still die."

"_WHAT?_" He roared.

"Hey! I tried my best! Now you've just got to wait to see if she wakes up!"

"So she might be in this coma state forever?"

Tanith looked down. "Possibly."

"Get out." He said deathly quiet.

"But–"

"GET OUT!"

Tanith stood slowly. "Okay."

"Take the vampire with you."

Tanith nodded and walked over to Dusk. She slung him over his shoulder as if were a rag doll. As she passed Skulduggery and Valkyrie she said in an even tone, "Goodbye, my saviour. I hope you don't die."

"OUT!" Skulduggery bellowed.

Once Tanith was gone Skulduggery wasn't afraid to let his emotions out. He clutched Valkyrie's limp body to his chest and rocked her back and forth. And then, for the first time in 400 years, Skulduggery began to cry. He forgot how the tears pricked the corners of your eyes making your eyes sting. He forgot how they tickled your skin when they ran down your cheeks. He forgot how salty they tasted. And he certainly forgot how much they made everything feel that much worse and how they seemed to weigh your heart down.

"Oh, Valkyrie." He sobbed into her hair softly. "Oh, my sweet, precious, angelic Valkyrie."

And then as if she had been jolted awake by an electric shock, her eyes snapped open and she took in a huge breath.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery choked out. Instantly he enveloped her in an embrace, crushing her against him. All he could was quietly cry her name. "Valkyrie, Valkyrie, Valkyrie."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and buried her face into his shoulder. "Oh, Skulduggery! I thought I'd lost you!"

"I thought I'd lost _you_!" he pulled away and held her face in his hands. "God, Valkyrie, you're so beautiful."

She was crying now too. "And you are the most astonishing, kind, handsome man I've ever met."

He brushed her tears away with his thumbs. "Valkyrie, I have something to tell you."

"Say it." She whispered. "Tell me, you can tell me anything."

Skulduggery could feel his palms sweating and his heart rate accelerating. He hadn't had to do anything like this in years. "Valkyrie... I... I..."

"Yes?" She breathed, closing her eyes."

Skulduggery closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. "Valkyrie, I love you so much." The words brought tears back to his eyes.

She suddenly burst into tears again. "Oh, Skulduggery! I love you too! So much!"

He stroked her face. "I've been in love with you for so long, but I didn't realise how strong the pull I have towards you was until I was in my human body again. I've never know love like this Valkyrie. You drive me crazy – but in a good way. And, God, do you have any idea just how gorgeous you are? I love you so much."

Her tears came so fiercely now that her vision were blurring. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that."

"I..." Skulduggery looked like he was blushing a little bit. "I... just wanted to try something." He leaned into her a little bit. "Now, I haven't done this in a long, long time... so bear with me..." He took her face in his hands again and ever so slowly inclined his face towards hers. He hesitated an inch away from her lips and just enjoyed the feeling of her breath washing over his skin – even _that_ caused him to moan blissfully.

"Just kiss me." She whispered.

Without anymore hesitation, he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to hers and held them there tenderly for a few moments before he let his lips part. His hands found Valkyrie's waist and pulled her closer to him as her arms snaked round his neck and her fingers knotted into his soft hair. Skulduggery felt fireworks go off under his lips as his skin tingled. And like flames to gasoline, the kiss escalated and spiralled and Skulduggery realised his kisses were trailing. They continued over her jaw line, down her neck, around the hollow of her throat, skimming across her collar bone, and making their way all the way up to her lips again.

Skulduggery pulled away panting. "Sorry." He gasped. "I got carried away."

"Don't talk." She breathed and pulled him back to her.

He put his hand on her shoulders and gently guided her down the floor, making sure he didn't break of the kiss. He laid over her careful not to hurt her and continued with the trailing tender pecks over her shoulders. Valkyrie sighed, elated. She put her finger under his chin and tilted his head up to look at her.

"Let's go to the bedroom." She suggested.

He tilted his head- old habits die hard. "Valkyrie... it has been a while."

She smiled. "That's okay. I'll guide you through it."

"I don't know, Val. You're so young..."

"I'm eighteen."

"Still, I don't know..."

"Don't you want to?" She frowned.

He chuckled softly. "Trust me, I want to."

She laughed. "Come on, you can't say you haven't missed it."

"Well..."

An idea occurred to Valkyrie. "Oh I get it..." She pulled a false patronising look. "You're not very good..."

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Not very good?" he repeated her words sceptically. "Valkyrie, that was a low blow."

She winked at him. "What are you going to do about it?"

He stood and bent down to scoop her up in his arms. "I'm going to prove you bloody wrong, aren't I?"

She laughed as he carried her to his bedroom.

As it turned out... Skulduggery indeed _did_ prove her wrong.

God bless being Human Again!

**So, tell me what you thought :) Did you like it? Happy to hear your honest thoughts :)**

**Did you see what I meant by my little ramble beforehand? Lol :P**

**And now, I'm off to bed!**

**Thank you my lovelys :3**

**xoxo  
**


	74. Valduggery: Dear Skulduggery poem

**Hello my lovelys! Did you all have an amazing Easter? I hope you did :)**

**Okay, well here's a new one for you! This is a poem I wrote about Skulduggery, and it's meant to be from Valkyrie's point of view, writing a letter to Skulduggery. I wrote this a while ago, and only just thought of putting it up to see if you liked it. If you do, I have plenty more where that came from :)**

**Interesting fact about this poem, I wrote a letter to Derek Landy once, just one of those typical fan mail ones, but I included this at the end of it. Just thought you might like to know :$ Heh heh!**

**Random note, today is the day of the Royal Wedding here in England - I'm actually watching it right now - so Congratulations William and Kate! :3  
**

**And now, on to the story!  
**

Dear Skulduggery,

All swagger and bone,

A smartly dressed skeleton,

With a cocky tone.

You have a habit of being a hero,

Saving people like it's a charity,

You come up against the most awful villains,

With alarming regularity!

I like the way you make me laugh,

And how you always talk to me gently,

I like the way you're cool and brave,

But mostly I like your Bentley.

You have a knack of saving the world,

And beating the bad-guys senseless,

I guess you're a pretty good detective,

Even though you're boasting is relentless!

You've saved my life many times,

But don't forget – I've saved yours too!

You've showed me the ropes to magic,

Soon I'll even be better than you! (Well, maybe not.)

You're arrogant and funny,

You're clever and you're kind,

A master of dirty tricks,

With a superior mind.

I think I should go now,

Before your monstrous ego thrives.

But on a more sincere note

I'm always happiest by a dead man's side. (That's you!)

...

Love Valkyrie

(P.s. Don't let this go to your head; I won't be this nice to you every day! Tomorrow it's back to plain old disrespecting your authority, and winding you up!)

**So, how did you like it? I actually wrote this during my biology lesson some time ago lol! Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed it - this poetry stuff is all new to me!**

**I'll update soon with a nice, fluffy, action-packed, Valduggery-filled drabble next!**

**Thanks again, M'dears!**

**xoxo**


	75. Valduggery: Be safe, part 1

**Sorry for delay in updating, I've not been in a particularly good mood over the past week and if I wrote anything it would probably** **have some horrible and depressing ending.**

**However! I am back, and happy, and ready to write!**

**This idea was from the brilliant mind of Adrasdos Dark - so I thank you muchly! 3**

**This is only part one of the story, part two will be up soon :)**

**Enjoy the story all!**

"Be Safe."

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery who was leaning against the Bentley, standing opposite to her. "Relax, I will."

"You've go to walk a whole four blocks to meet him."

"It's not that far. And I'm meeting Fletch in a busy area – practically right outside the club."

"But it's dark out, Val. People might be... lurking."

Valkyrie laughed and patted his hand that was nervously clutching onto her arm, like a child who didn't want their mother to leave them the first time she was dropping them off at day care. "I'll be fine. I have my mobile, I'll call you if anything gets freaky, okay?"

"Well... okay." Skulduggery shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

She laughed again, light-heartedly. "I'm nineteen Skul, you've got to let me out some time."

This time he laughed too. "I know, I know. I just worry about you, Valkyrie."

"Well you needn't." She gave his hand one last encouraging squeeze. "I'll see you later." She turned and began to walk away from the Bentley.

"Don't come in too late!" He called out to her. "I'll be waiting up for you!"

She called back over her shoulder, "Yes _Sir!" _She winked and carried on walking.

"Have fun!" He looked at her and sighed before getting back in the Bentley. He drove off back down the road, deciding to pop in to see Ghastly on the way.

Valkyrie walked – or rather, strutted on account of the high heels she was wearing – down the street. She looked good – at least she was pretty sure she did. She was wearing a little black dress, with a hem that came to halfway down her thigh, came in tight at the waist, and did up like a halter around the back of her neck. Her heels were _very_ high and shiny black, making clacking sounds against the pavement. She carried a glittery black clutch-bag and a matching glittery black rose in her hair – which was curled and nearly hanging down to her waist, which really finished her look. She looked _classy._

She turned a corner and saw the club: Poison. She smiled walking over to the huge line forming outside. She saw Fletcher waiting in the line, standing next to a petite, pretty girl, a couple of years younger than Valkyrie, with cherry red hair that tumbled over her shoulders in ringlets that looked good with her slightly sun-kissed skin. She had pretty big brown eyes and full plump lips that were slicked with gloss as red as her hair. She was wearing a golden strapless dress that was about the same length as Valkyrie's. She too was wearing high-heels, but hers were shining gold. There was no doubt about it. She was gorgeous. Valkyrie would have felt self conscious if the red-headed girl was with Fletcher, but thankfully it didn't look as if they were talking–

And then to Valkyrie's utter horror, the beautiful girl turned to Fletcher and tiptoed up to him. She ran her hands through his golden hair, pulling his face down to hers and planted a big, romantic, Hollywood kiss upon his lips. Valkyrie was so shocked she had stopped walking. She was just standing there staring. The nerve of that girl! Thinking she could get away with kissing Valkyrie's boyfriend! Fletcher didn't even know her–

And then Fletcher wrapped his arms around the girl – more like a young Goddess than a girl – and was kissing her back, just as passionately.

Suddenly Valkyrie broke into a half-frantic run over to them. "Hey!" She snapped. She grabbed a fistful of the girl's fiery hair and yanked her back, off of her boyfriend. "What in the _Hell_ do you think you're doing?"

The girl yelped in pain and wrenched her hair from Valkyrie's grip. "What the Hell is wrong with you, psycho-tramp?" She snapped back.

"You were kissing my boyfriend!" Valkyrie raged. "You stupid tart!"

"What the Hell? No I wasn't! Roy is _my _boyfriend!"

"Roy? _Roy?" _Valkyrie, frowned. "Who is Roy?"

The girl pointed at Fletcher. "Him! He is Roy! And my name is Annabelle. Roy is_ my_ boyfriend!"

Valkyrie near laughed. "I don't know what you're on, chick, but his name is Fletcher. And he is _my _boyfriend!"

The girl called Annabelle scowled. "What? Why are you lying? His name isn't Fletcher! It's _Roy!_ And we've been together for the past two years!"

Valkyrie jabbed a finger into Annabelle's chest. "I hate to break it to you, sweetie, but that's how long I've been with him. And in case you haven't gotten the gist of what I'm saying: HE. IS. MY. BOYFRIEND!"

"Why are you starting on me? I've never even met you before today! All I wanted to do tonight was go out on a nice date with my boyfriend and then you started _attacking_ me!" She tilted her head at Valkyrie. "Are you on something?"

Fletcher was trying to silently slip away, but Valkyrie heard him and held up a hand to him. "_You_, don't go anywhere." She pointer her finger back at Annabelle. "_You, _keep talking."

Annabelle was starting to look hurt. "Look, all I know is that Roy is my boyfriend, he has been for the last two years and that we are in love. Why are you ambushing us?" It was hard not to believe those big puppy-dog eyes, and her bottom lip that trembled.

Valkyrie stepped up to the quivering girl, looming over her. Her tone was deadly. "You better be telling me the truth, Little Red. Because if you're not, I so swear I am going to slap you into the next dimension!"

Annabelle looked genuinely quite frightened. Tears welled up in her irresistible eyes and she looked for a second like a very scared little girl. Valkyrie suddenly realised that this girl wasn't to blame and felt bad for threatening her.

Annabelle looked helpless. "Roy! Help! She is scaring me!" A tear rolled down her cheek.

Now Valkyrie felt terrible. This girl was clearly harmless and innocent of any crimes here. She was as timid and afraid as a kitten. But what shocked Valkyrie more was the way Fletcher responded to this.

Fletcher rushed to her side in an instant, enveloping her in a protective embrace. "It's okay, Anna, it's okay. Roy is here."

Valkyrie's mouth fell open making a huge O shape. "Fletcher! What the Hell?"

He looked at her and his face suddenly clouded with guilt. "Uh... um... yes... Hi Val."

Annabelle was too busy snuggling into Fletcher's side to take any notice of this. Valkyrie however was fuming.

"What is going on, Fletcher?" Valkyrie said through gritted teeth.

"Now, Val I can explain..."

"You can explain that you've been cheating on me?"

"It not like that."

"Oh, so you're not dating this girl?"

"Well, I am, but–"

"That's what I thought!" Valkyrie snapped. "Where the hell did you pick her up, anyway? She only looks about seventeen!"

"Well, she's sixteen actually..."

"Fletcher! You are twenty! Going on twenty-one!"

Fletcher rolled his eyes. "Yeah, don't pretend like that's the real reason you're upset here!"

"No!" Valkyrie practically screamed in his face. "You're right! I'm upset because you're cheating on me, you dip-shizz!"

"Val, you've got to understand how sorry I am."

"Like Hell I _don't!_" She growled. "You are a little prat, Fletcher Renn! I don't know why I wasted a single second on you! But I wish we never even met!"

"Oh, Valkyrie, be reasonable!"

"You, my dear _Roy_, are a big steaming pile of DONKEY HONK! And this is here-by, me _dumping _you!"

"Val..."

"GOOD. BYE!" She stepped up to him and slapped him hard round the face, Annabelle squealing with horror, clutching Fletcher closer.

Valkyrie turned and strode away from the traitor and his piece of arm-candy and stalked down the street. She was _infuriated. _Nothing could make this night worse!

And then she turned a corner and bumped into Billy-Ray Sanguine.

"Oh, Hell." She muttered.

**So I really hoped you liked this. I'm sorry about all of the ridiculous names like "Dip-shizz" in here and stuff like that. I would have used real cursing... but obviously I can't lol :)**

**Part two will be up soon :)**

**Thank you again Adrasdos Dark! Round of applause!**

**Oh, and one other thing - I'm about to put up a brand new Valduggery story. Well, not all of it's Valduggery, but a portion of it is. It's a little different from my other stories but I think you will like it. It was inspired by Harmony-Rose Temptation who is a dear friend to me and who is an amazing writer - check out her stories too! XD**

**Thanks m'dears!**

**xoxo**


	76. Valduggery: Be safe, part 2

**Well hello m'dears! How are you? I trust that you're all good? Well I hope you are :)**

**Also, I'm guessing that you have all seen the SP Book 6 cover on Derek Landy's Blog? Omg it is AMAZING! XD If you haven't seen it, take a look :)**

**About this story - I only indented it to be a two-part, but then my brain started going at a mile a minute, and I got all these different ideas and... and... well, lets just say, there are going to be a few parts yet!**

**Adrasdos** **I hope you don't mind that I've taken your story suggestion and practically run away with it? ;)**

**And now, Enjoy the story :)**

"Well, hello lil' darlin'." Billy-Ray Sanguine leered at her.

"Bugger." Valkyrie sighed.

"Look at you! All dressed an' nowhere to go!"

"I don't want trouble, Sanguine. Not tonight."

"What's the matter, sugar-bell? Bad night out?"

Valkyrie gritted her teeth. "Get out of my way. Now."

Sanguine flashed Valkyrie his 250kilowat smile. "I don't think so." He lunged at her, making a swipe for her throat with his straight razor.

Valkyrie stumbled back, tripping over her own feet in those damned heels. Immediately she kicked them off. Sanguine charged her again, so Valkyrie snatched up one of her shoes and cracked it against his nose. He reeled back, screeching curses at her in every language he knew.

He looked up at her taking his hands away from his broken nose that was streaming with blood. "You nasty little bi–"

She threw her other shoe at him. It smacked into his face.

Sanguine howled in pain. "What the Hell? What is wrong with you _bloody_ women and your _bloody shoes?"_

"I told you to leave me alone!" She broke into a frantic run.

Sanguine growled. "They always run." He sunk down into the ground and rose up in front of her. He caught onto her wrists and grinned at her. "Hello, Poppet."

Valkyrie involuntarily screamed. She spat in his face. He reeled back in disgust but didn't let go of her wrists. He wrestled her to the ground – she was practically defenceless without her special work clothes and instead wearing that teensy tiny dress, and without Skulduggery for backup or her fancy black magic ring – and he straddled her hips, pinning her hands to the ground with just one hand, his other choking her.

"Let me go!" Snapped Valkyrie. "Someone is going to come round here and see us!"

He let go of her throat – making sure she wasn't going anywhere and pulled a small spherical object out of his pocket. It was the same magical instrument used by Skulduggery on their battle of Liffey Bridge a few years back when they didn't want any of the mortals to see or hear them. He waved it in front of her face.

"How did you get that?" She snarled.

"I stole it from the Sanctuary. Ya'll know how it works. Nobody outside of the perimeter can see us or hear us. Ya'll in some deep dung now, aint ya, Sweet-Cheeks?"

"You won't get away with this!" She practically screamed.

Sanguine gasped dramatically and looked around himself with mock fear. He returned his gaze upon her with menace. "Well, I don't see anyone in this fancy sphere's perimeter to save you, lil' darlin'–"

"Except me."

Sanguine looked round at the velvety voice that interrupted him. "Pleasant." He growled.

Valkyrie sighed with relief. "Skulduggery."

"Get off the girl, Sanguine." Skulduggery stood a few meters behind Billy-Ray and Valkyrie, gun pointed at his head. "Do it now before I have to make you."

Sanguine's mock-scared-act started up again. "Whoa sheriff! I don't want any trouble!"

"Then get off my partner."

"Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure thing, Detective."

He started to get off Valkyrie slowly. Valkyrie warily sat up and leaned away from Sanguine sheepishly. Sanguine was now standing next to Valkyrie; hands raised defensively, a perpetual smirk on his ruggedly handsome face.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery was still holding the gun at Sanguine but he now had one arm held out for her. "Valkyrie, come to me. Quickly, now."

Valkyrie leapt to her feet. Expecting some horrible catch, she bolted towards Skulduggery. But she was right, there was a indeed a horrible catch, as Sanguine reached out to her as she darted past him, grabbed a fistful of her hair and dragged her back to him. Valkyrie screamed in pain. Sanguine wrapped one arm around her waist, pinning her arms to her side, and held his razor blade to her neck with his free hand.

Skulduggery almost lost his mask of calm. "God! Valkyrie!" He made a step towards her, letting his gun hand waver, before correcting himself and putting on his tough stance again. "I said let her go!" His voice laced with venom.

"Now now, Detective!" Sanguine was enjoying this. "No need get so aggravated!"

"I'm not here to play games, Billy-Ray. Give her back to me."

"But we were having so much fun."

"I'll shoot you."

"I'll slit her throat."

"Not before I fill your brain full of bullets."

"Are you willing to take that risk?"

Skulduggery paused. "What do you want with her? She's just a girl."

Sanguine smiled wickedly. "Oh, now _that_ takes me back..."

"I'm being serious. What did you want her for?"

Sanguine's smile widened so much it looked like it might split his face in half. "I needed her as leverage, Funny Bones."

Skulduggery tilted his head to one side. "Leverage?"

"If I had her held hostage, just think of all the b-e-a-uuuuutiful blackmail I could get you to partake in."

"Like what?"

Sanguine's smile suddenly faded. "You have something that I want, Pleasant."

"Which is?"

Sanguine's grip on Valkyrie tightened and she yelped in pain. "I want my father outta the Gaol."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"When my father's plan to blow up **Croke**Park Stadium backfired, ya'll put him in prison! I want him out!"

"Why would you want him out? You two didn't even get along."

"I have my reasons. I want to see him again. I guess ya'll could call it... Father and Son time. Now get out that fancy mobile of yours, call your lil' buddy Erskine Ravel – the Grand Mage, and tell him to get my Dear Daddy outta jail, otherwise, I'll kill the girl."

"I can't do that, Sanguine."

"And why in the _Hell_ not?"

"Well, apart from all the obvious moral reasons, getting him out would take a lot time."

"Time? What the Hell? Did you fed-ex him back to Texas or something? Just call Erskine now or I'll slash Valkyrie's throat! And then I'll kill you too!"

"You'll kill Me?"

"Yes."

"Will that be before or after I get your father out of prison?"

There was a pause. Sanguine's left eye twitched. "Just do it."

"Give me Valkyrie first."

Sanguine laughed. "Yeah right, like I'm going to hand over the only thing that I could use to blackmail you. No, Mr Funny Bones, no. I think I'm going to keep Valkyrie with me for a while."

And then Sanguine sunk back into the ground, taking Valkyrie with him.

**Even I didn't expect that to happen. Like I said, I'm sort of running away with this story! :P**

**But I hope you liked it :)**

**Oh! Btw my new story is up now. Its called: "Valduggery Letters friendshipromance" - take a look if you want :)**

**Untill the next update :)**

**xoxo**


	77. Valduggery: Be safe, part 3

**Here we are, part 3 :)**

**Um, just a little note, Fanfic wont let me reply to any of your reviews at the moment, so sorry if I'm not replying - I really want to! D:**

**I'm so glad you guys really liked the last update! :3 I hope you like this one too :)**

Skulduggery made a mad dash for Valkyrie as she was dragged into the Earth with Sanguine, screaming. He swiped for her hands before they disappeared, and missed. He cursed. _Very_ loudly.

He resisted the urge to shoot at the ground where the Texan had just been, and instead he turned on his heel and ran back to the Bentley. He jumped in behind the wheel, and drove at an alarming speed to The Sanctuary, calling Ghastly on the way and telling him to meet him there.

Skulduggery reached the Sanctuary, bolted past the waxwork of Phil Lynott, and the Administrator inside. He ran to the Great Hall where the Grand Mage and his Council Elders resided, and barged inside. However, Erskine was alone in there at this present moment in time.

Erskine looked up. "Hello, Skulduggery." He beamed at his friend. "Nice of you to visit. What brings you here?"

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery blurted out. "It's Valkyrie!"

Erskine's brow furrowed. "What about her? Skul, you seem upset, what's wrong?"

"I'm not upset, I'm angry!" Skulduggery snapped. "He's taken her, Erskine!"

"Who's taken her?"

"Sanguine! He's kidnapped her! Erskine, we have to get her back _right now_!"

"Okay, okay, calm down!" Erskine got off his throne and walked over to his friend, He put a reassuring hand on Skulduggery's shoulder. "Tell me what happened, from the top, _slowly._"

"Sanguine showed up, put a knife to Valkyrie's throat, took her underground with him and off to wherever his little hideout is, and he won't give her back until we give him what he wants!"

"And what does he want?"

"He wants us to free Dreylan Scarab."

There was a brief pause before Erskine burst into laughter. "He wants me to release one of the country's most notorious criminals from the Gaol, when he's only just begun his new life sentence for trying to kill over 80,000 innocent civilians on live T.V.? He's off his _nut_!"

"This isn't funny!" Skulduggery bellowed. "He's being serious!"

"He can't be serious! He would know that I could never do that."

"But you have to!"

Erskine looked at Skulduggery with knitted eyebrows. "Skulduggery, I can't do that."

"What do you mean you can't do that? In case I haven't made myself clear enough _he has got Valkyrie_!"

"Yes, I realise that. However, I can't release Scarab."

"WHY THE HELL NOT?" Skulduggery bellowed.

"Because, Skulduggery, It's against protocol."

"Since when have you _ever_ followed protocol?"

"Since you elected me the new 'Dumbledore' of Ireland. Now, I understand you want Valkyrie back – I'm very partial to the girl myself too–"

"_Too_ partial, actually, Erskine."

"–but we have to go through the motions. We have to play our cards right, get an army of cleavers ready, move in on where Sanguine is hiding, take things nice and slow..."

"Valkyrie will be dead if we take things 'nice and slow'!"

"Skulduggery, listen..."

"NO! _YOU_ LISTEN! VALK YRIE IS GOING TO _DIE! _SANGUINE WILL _KILL HER_!" Skulduggery thundered. He strode across the room, frustrated, and punched the wall. "God, Erskine, he's going to kill her." His tone hushed now. He held his head in his hands. "He's going to kill Valkyrie."

Erskine walked over to his friend and tentatively put both hands on his shoulders. "It's okay Skulduggery. We all know how you feel about Valkyrie." He said gently.

Skulduggery shrugged Erskine's hands off him. "Don't go all 'psychologist' on me, Erskine. I want to save my partner. _That is all_."

"You've got to admit your feelings sooner or later."

Skulduggery spun round to look at Erskine. "My feelings? My _feelings?_ When the Hell did this turn into an episode of 'How I Met Your Mother'?"

"Come on, Skul. You like her more than a friend. It's not a crime. She's a young woman now, gorgeous, funny, intelligent, sexy; you're letting this cloud your better judgement."

"I don't _have_ a better judgement, Erskine. Now you either hand over Dreylan Scarab or I will have to do something I'm not going to be proud of."

"I'm sorry, Skulduggery. But you know where I stand on this one."

Skulduggery sighed. "Okay. Goodnight, buddy."

"Goodnight?"

Skulduggery pulled out a tranquiliser gun that was attached to his belt, cleverly concealed by his overcoat, aimed it at Erskine's neck. He shot one dart and it hit him right on target. The dart sunk into Erskine's neck and after a few seconds of wobbling, the Grand Mage fell to the floor in a deep sleep.

Skulduggery looked down at him. "You have no idea how sorry I am. But I had to do it. You'll wake up in fifteen to twenty minutes. By then I will be gone."

And with that he stole Erskine's master keys from his jacket pocket and made his way down to the Gaol.

**So what do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts :3**

**I'll update soon my lovelys!**

**xoxo**


	78. Valduggery: Be safe, part 4

**Here it is, my lovely little lovelys! Part 4! I don't know what was with the cooshie name just now, I'm feeling all gooey and happy. Why? It's Pirates of the Caribbean 4 in two days! XD Thats why! So expect some overly-happy updates! :) Mmm, Captain Jack Sparrow!  
**

**I hope you all like this!**

Valkyrie sighed as she paced her prison cell.

"Ya'll are gonna wear the floor out if you're not careful, sugar-bell."

"Shut up, Sanguine."

"Love you too, sweet-cheeks."

Valkyrie strode over to the prison bars and rested her elbows on them. She looked out at Sanguine who sat in a big armchair on the other side of the room, with his feet up on the coffee table. He smiled at her with his 250 kilowatt smile.

"Let me go." She said it in neither a pleading nor a demanding way. Her tone was more persuading than anything else. "Come on. You don't really want me here, Billy-Ray. I'm a dust collector. Tell me what you really want and I'll see if I can give it to you."

"I want my dear Daddy, lil' miss."

"I don't buy it."

"Then that's your problem."

Valkyrie tilted her head sideways. "What do you need him for?"

"Who says I need him for anything."

"I do. Come on, Sanguine. We've known each other for a long time, now–"

"–Too long, actually."

"So I know when you're up to something. So tell me. What is it?"

Sanguine got up and strolled over to her. "Oh, lil' darlin'. That's for me to know and you to... dot, dot, dot."

Valkyrie couldn't keep her mask of cool up for any longer. She growled and lunged for him through the bars.

He laughed and stepped away. "Tut Tut, Valkyrie! Manners! This here is _my _lair!"

"I'll bloody kill you Sanguine. I swear it."

"Right, so when exactly were ya'll planning on doing that? Because from where I'm standing... ya'll are locked up in a prison cell."

"Skulduggery will find you. And he will keep his promise."

"To 'fill my brain full of bullets' as he so eloquently put it? No, I don't think so, honey-bun."

"And why not?"

"Because Skulduggery – even as much of a brute he is – couldn't bring himself to kill someone you care about."

Valkyrie tilted her head back and laughed. "I do _not_ care about you."

Sanguine leered at her. "You should. I am your fiancé after all."

Valkyrie's jaw dropped open. She spoke with great difficulty. "I... I'm sorry... what?"

Skulduggery ran through the Sanctuary hallways and down to the Gaol. He shoved the skeleton key in the lock – not taking time to laugh at the pun – and wrenched the huge iron door open. He ran inside and a snarky cheer erupted for the prisoners inside, hanging in their cages.

"Well well, if it isn't Jack Skellington!" Yelled one man.

"Come to party, funnybones?" Hooted another.

"Looking for a good time, sexy?" Called a woman.

Skulduggery shuddered at the last one and hastily made his way through the Gaol. He stopped at aisle S, looking for Scarab. He ran along the hallway until he found him. He saw Scarab, hanging in a cage a few meters off the ground. Skulduggery used the air to lift him up so he could see Scarab. He was lying on the floor, wallowing in his own pathetic self-pity.

"Dreylan." Skulduggery barked. "Get your sorry hide over here."

Scarab lifted his head. "Pleasant?"

"Yeah, it's me. Now get up off your arse and come here."

"Why should I? Ya'll the reason I'm locked up in here anyway!"

"Yeah, well, I'm breaking you out."

There was a brief pause. Scarab suddenly sat up. "What did ya'll say?"

"I'm breaking you out. Now hurry up before anyone catches us!"

Another pause. "What's the catch?"

"No catch. I'm breaking you out for your son."

"So there _is_ a catch! Well you can tell that boy of mine that he can stick it where the sun don't shine. I aint goin'!"

"You don't have a choice."

"Tough."

Skulduggery sighed and got out his gun, aiming it at Scarab's head. "Come quietly or I'll shoot you."

"How would I be able to help you then?"

"Well you say you're not going to help me either way, so if you're no use to me I may as well shoot you anyway since I'll be no worse off. But, hey, it's your choice." Skulduggery cocked his revolver.

Yet another pause. "Okay, sure thing."

"I can't let you do this Skulduggery." Said a familiar voice behind them.

Skulduggery turned to see Erskine Ravel hovering in the air behind him. "Oh, so you're awake?"

"I mean it, Skulduggery."

"Erskine, _please_! I have to do this!"

"I can't let you release a dangerous criminal back into the world!"

"Please! I'm begging you!"

"Give me one good reason why I should!"

Skulduggery groaned. "Oh, Erskine, don't."

"Say it."

"Please don't"

"Say it."

"For God's sake! No!"

"_Say it!"_

"OKAY!" Skulduggery roared. "You want me to say it? Okay, I'll say it! I love her! I love Valkyrie!"

"I'm sorry, what was that? I didn't quite catch it."

"I SAID I LOVE VALKYRIE, DAMN IT!"

Slowly, Erskine smiled. "Oh, is that all? Then, yeah, of course I'll help you, buddy."

Skulduggery was silent for a few moments. "I really do hate you sometimes."

**So, let me know what you thought :)**

**Btw, fanfiction still wont let my reply to your reviews :(**

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxo**


	79. Valduggery: Be safe, part 5

**Well, here we are, right on time with part 5!**

**I hope you like it m'dears :)**

**Enjoy!**

"Come on, baby" Sanguine grinned at her. "What do you say? Fancy being Mrs Billy-Ray Sanguine?"

"Hell no."

Sanguine pulled out a little ring box. He went down onto one knee and opened the box, revealing a gorgeous diamond ring that caught a beam of light and held it there, making the rock sparkle. Valkyrie was momentarily stunned, then she realised that Sanguine had probably stolen it and all wonderment over the sparkly object disintegrated.

"Ahh come on!" He flashed his 250kilowatt smile. "Don't you want to just _try_ the ring on?"

"Sanguine," Valkyrie said, exasperated. "Why are you doing this? You don't really want to marry me. What is the diabolical plan behind all this?"

"No diabolical plan at all, sweet-pea. I just want to walk ya'll down that aisle and give ya'll a big old smooch at the end!"

"Oh don't make me gag, please."

Sanguine shrugged. "Well, you'll either do it… or your buddy Tanith will die."

Valkyrie looked at him sharply. "Tanith is a remnant."

"Don't mean she can't die."

"I thought you two were together now. You wouldn't kill her."

"Oh, honey, she was just leverage."

Valkyrie frowned. "I thought I was the leverage."

Sanguine shrugged. "She's leverage for the leverage."

Valkyrie paused for a moment. "I don't believe you have her. Prove it."

Sanguine rolled his eyes. "Fine! Fine!" He walked across the room, which was more like a sheriff's office from the old western movies and pulled back a curtain that was in front of another cell.

And inside that cell was Tanith Low – The Remnant – magically bound, chained to the chair by shackles, gagged, all skin and bone, face gaunt and yellow, eyes sunken into her head, hair dead and lifeless, clothes torn and looking less like a remnant than she had in years.

Valkyrie ran to the bars of her own cell, face pressed against them. She couldn't help trembling. "Oh, Tanith…" She whispered. "What has he done to you?"

Tanith didn't even seem to hear her. She just sat like a lifeless doll in her chair.

Valkyrie looked at Sanguine. "You sick, evil, freak!"

"Compliments won't get ya'll anywhere, darlin'."

"Let her go! You're killing her."

Sanguine put on his best Irish accent: "Oh, but, but, Tanith is just a, just a Remnant now!" He went back to his usual Texan drawl: "Why should you care about saving a filthy remnant?"

"Because inside she is still Tanith." Valkyrie's voice cracked. "She's still my friend..."

Sanguine smiled sweetly at Valkyrie. "Oh, baby-doll, don't get all upset. I aint gonna kill her! I might shoot her and punch her a whole lot... but aint gonna kill her."

Valkyrie couldn't help it, and as much as she really didn't want to, she began to cry. "Let her go." She was pleading now. "Please. I'll marry you and you can use me for whatever diabolical plan you want. But just let her go."

Sanguine paced the little room, stroking his imaginary beard. He pulled the curtain back over the cell, hiding Tanith again. "Hmm... well, I hate to see my future wife get all upset, and besides – I didn't like the dirty little remnant anyway..." He turned to face Valkyrie. "I'll tell you what, I'll let her go. After we get married, I'll release her back into the wild... or whatever it is she came from – providing she doesn't go screaming 'Remnant' through the town square – and then you me and Daddy Dearest can all go on our little trip to continue with my – how you so nicely put it – diabolical plan."

"What _is_ the diabolical plan?" She sniffled.

"I'll tell you after you agree to marry me."

Valkyrie swallowed her pride and ignored all her gut instinct to reject him. She was doing this for her friend – even though they actually weren't friends anymore and Tanith probably still hated her... But she had to do this. With tears rolling down her cheeks, she held out her left hand to Sanguine. "I'll do it. I'll marry you."

Sanguine grinned like the Cheshire Cat. He slipped the diamond ring onto her finger. "I can't wait to make you Mrs Billy-Ray Sanguine!" He kissed her hand.

She snatched he hand back. "Stop with the mushy crap, will you? I've said I'll marry you, isn't that enough?"

"Mmm, I love it when you play hard to get, baby!"

She rolled her eyes. "You are such a complete perv."

"Don't act like you don't _love _it!"

She sighed. "Just tell me your plan!"

He smiled brilliantly and retired back to his chair. "You see, Dear Fiancé, it goes a little something like this. I need Tanith here to make you do as I say. I need you here so Skulduggery will do what _I_ say, because he knows that I will kill you if he doesn't. What I need you for, is to marry me, and that is so that when I take you away with me and my daddy I can keep using you as leverage against Skulduggery, _plus_ you won't always be trying to escape, because you'll be soooo in love with me."

Valkyrie laughed. "I'm not in love with you. So this wedding is pointless. You'll take me on the road and I'll still try to run away, married or not."

"Ahh! But what if you really _were_ in love with me?"

Valkyrie frowned. "I don't follow."

The 250Kilowatt smile was back in place. "Valkyrie, what happens at the end of a wedding?"

"The bride and groom kiss." Valkyrie shuddered at the thought.

"Exactly!" He pulled a little glass vial filled with red liquid out of his jacket pocket. "Now you see this liquid? It makes you irresistible to other people! I'm going to drink this, and the first person I kiss will fall in love with me instantly. That's you by the way – you're going to kiss me at the end of the wedding."

Valkyrie laughed hysterically. "I am _not_ kissing you!"

Sanguine's smile dropped. "Oh yes you are. Or I'll kill Tanith."

Valkyrie stopped laughing and visibly paled. "You wouldn't"

"Oh, lil' darlin', be both know that I would!"

Valkyrie shook her head, confused. "But why a wedding? Why not kiss me now – not that I'm suggesting it at all in any way shape or form."

"It's like you don't know me at all!" He leered at her. "Besides, how narked off would Mr Funnybones be if I married you?"

Valkyrie raised one eyebrow. "Oh, so this is all about getting one up on Skulduggery?"

"No, this is about the Skeleton getting my father out of prison so we can commence phase two of my diabolical plan."

"Which is?"

"Why don't I tell you that once Skulduggery and my father are here? It'll save me having to explain it all again."

"Tell me _now!" _She practically screamed.

Sanguine looked like he was blushing for a second. "No."

"Why the Hell not?"

"Um... because..."

"Because, what?"

"Because... I said so..."

Valkyrie violently shook the prison bars with anger. "God, Billy-Ray! Anyone would think you don't actually have a plan at all!"

There was dead silence. Tumbleweed could have passed through the little office like in the old movies.

Valkyrie tilted her head at Sanguine. "You... You don't actually have a plan... do you?"

"Of course I–"

"DO YOU?"

Sanguine seemed to explode with rage. "I don't bloody well _need_ a plan! Me and my Dad, two evil rogues running wild through the city doing whatever the Hell we bloody like! All we'll need to do is kill, scheme, drink, womanise, and pilfer our weasely black guts out! And the Skeleton Detective won't lay a hand on us, because we'll have you, my precious little damsel in distress! We'll be unstoppable! Is that a problem with you, _honey?"_

Valkyrie shook her head in disgrace. "You won't get away with this."

Sanguine smiled again, like he hadn't a care in the world. "Of course I will! I'm William Raymond Sanguine!" He walked over to his desk and pulled out a black sack. He walked back to Valkyrie's cell and pushed the sack through the bars. "Now put this on. We have a wedding to partake in!"

Valkyrie pulled the little outfit out of the black sack. It was a white dazzling little Vegas showgirl outfit with sequins, feathers, and rhinestones everywhere, the fabric only covering the bare essentials. Valkyrie stared at the outfit, disgusted. "You expect me to where _this_?"

"Indeed I do."

"Where's the rest of it?"

"That's all of it."

"Sanguine, I've worn more than this in the _shower_!"

"Hmm, very funny!" Sanguine grinned. "Now you put that on, while I go and kidnap a priest to marry us." He winked at her. "See you at our wedding, _angel_."

**Yes, yes, I know. It's all getting a little complicated! Im sorry!**

**But I hope you like it so far :)**

**xoxo**


	80. Valduggery: Be safe, part 6

**Ahh so here we are with Part 6 :)**

**I really hope you're all enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it :)**

**xoxo**

Valkyrie squeezed herself into the snug little showgirl outfit. It was like wearing a swimsuit with tassely bits, and feathers and sequins on it. Her hair was still curled from earlier this evening with the sparkly black rose in it, and she still had her shiny black heels on. She sighed miserably but refused to let any more tears fall. That was what Sanguine would want. He would relish at the sight of her tears.

She decided to try and call out to Tanith. "Tanith, can you hear me? I know you're gagged so just groan so I know you're okay?"

From behind the curtain there was a muffled groan.

Valkyrie sighed with relief. "Oh, God, okay you're still alive. That's good. Tanith are you dying? Groan once for yes, twice for no."

Only one moan of pain. Yes.

Valkyrie bit her lip. "T… Tanith? Is… is the remnant still with you? Once for yes, twice for no."

Two groans. No.

"Has he starved it out of you?"

Two groans. No.

"Did he extract it from you?"

Two groans. No.

Valkyrie thought about it for a few moments. "Tanith…are you fighting the remnant off?"

There was one long drawn out groan, symbolising an anguished yes.

"Oh, Tan. It must be agonising for you."

There was mumble of something that sounded like a muffled "Uh-huh."

Valkyrie had to be strong for her friend. "Well, don't worry, Tan, I'll get us out of here… somehow… and don't worry – I am _not_ marrying Sanguine!"

A noise like gagged quiet laughter.

But before Valkyrie could actually stay true to her promise, Sanguine burst through the door, dragging a shackled and gagged priest behind him, a gun pointed at his head. He threw the poor man onto a wooden chair in the room and chained him down to it.

Sanguine looked over at Valkyrie who suddenly felt very self-conscious in her revealing outfit. He grinned. "Lets get this show on the road!"

Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel dragged Dreylan Scarab through the dark corridors of the Sanctuary. Back here the halls were empty and void of any human life as they were taking the back entrance out. Scarab was gagged and magically bound with shackles both around his wrists and ankles. They reached the back exit and just as Skulduggery was about to kick it open, the door was blasted off its hinges from the other side with displaced air. Standing in the doorway was a huge, muscled, broad man.

"Ghastly!" Skulduggery and Erskine chorused.

"My oh my, what the Hell are you both up to now?"

"We'll tell you on the way." Skulduggery promised. "Thanks for coming."

Ghastly shrugged. "You called me and told me to meet you here. How could I say no?"

Skulduggery tilted his head to show that he was smiling. "Thank you, old friend."

"Think nothing of it."

Erskine rolled his eyes and spoke up. "Look, this little quaint little exchange of thanks and all other things non-manly is very touching, however I do believe we have a Damsel in Distress to be rescuing, and a very dangerous criminal here to be retaining – so can we please get to the Bentley?"

Ghastly, Skulduggery and Erskine all shared a look. Then they nodded, and commenced to drag Scarab out to the car.

In Sanguine's little Sheriff room, everything was set for the ceremony. Tanith was still shackled to her chair but out of her cell and sitting in the open like she was the only person sitting in the audience. All furniture was move to the sides of the room so Sanguine could lay out a crude wedding aisle which consisted of a long scrap piece of white fabric. The priest sat, shackled to his chair, at the end of the aisle, gag gone and crying with fear. Valkyrie was out of her cell too, but with magic-bound shackles on. Sanguine was holding her tight round her waist, gun to her head.

Sanguine leaned in close to Valkyrie so he could whisper next to her ear. "Shall we, Future Mrs Sanguine?"

Valkyrie ignored him. She tried not to tremble but she couldn't help it.

He laughed, his hot breath washing over her throat. "Oh and BTW – that means, by the way – ya'll are looking _ravishin'_ in that little get up!"

"I hate you!" She snarled.

"Not for long!" Sanguine pulled the little vial of red liquid out of his pocket. He popped off the lid and swallowed its contents in one gulp. He grinned at Valkyrie. "Pretty soon, ya'll are gonna be _madly_ in love with me!"

Skulduggery was driving the Bentley faster than most thought was even humanly possible. The entire situation had been explained to Ghastly who was sitting in the back seat with Scarab to keep him under control. Every time the criminal got a bit too cocky, Ghastly punched him square in the face. After a few punches, Scarab was behaving remarkably well. Erskine sat in the passenger seat up front, nervously cracking his knuckles.

"So what you're saying," Skulduggery said to Scarab, "is that you have no idea where your son is hiding?"

"That is _exactly_ what I am sayin'."

"You're lying."

"Perhaps."

Skulduggery sighed. "Ghastly , keep punching him until he gives us an answer."

Ghastly raised his fist, but Scarab suddenly spoke up. "Wait! Wait! I know where he is!"

"Oh? Do you? Splendid!" Skulduggery said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Now where the bloody hell is it?"

"In the ruins of the old Sanctuary in Dublin. Billy Ray has been building it up again, but underground. There's a whole maze down there! He's probably in his office, I can lead you there."

"How do you know all this?" Erskine asked suspiciously.

Scarab almost sounded proud of his son. "Billy-Ray aint no fool! He had this whole plan B thing all figured out when we were planning to blow up the Sanctuary together."

Ghastly raised one eyebrow. "What 'plan B thing'?"

Scarab swallowed nervously. "Well, um, there might be a bit of a... scheme... currently going on..."

Skulduggery's temper flared. "What kind of a _scheme?"_

"Um, well," Scarab started to speak fast as Ghastly was threatening him with an almighty fist, and all his words came out in a blur, "one that involves Billy-Ray drinking a potion, that will make Valkyrie fall in love with him, when they kiss at the end of the wedding which was designed to hurt you, that Billy-Ray is making Valkyrie do by threatening to kill Tanith, which will make Valkyrie less of a nuisance, when we take her away with us, so that you won't try to come after us, because you care for her too much to hurt her!" Scarab took in a huge breath and panted crazily. "Yeah... that's about... it."

Skulduggery's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "What did you just say?"

**So, how did I do?**

**I hope you liked it :3**

**Oh - and I really do just have to say this! I saw Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - if you havent seen it, then get it done! It's A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! :D Litterally!  
**

**That is all :)  
**

**Untill the next update!**

**xoxo**


	81. Valduggery: Be safe, part 7

**Here we are with part seven!**

**Wow this is tunring out to be one long story - I hope you all don't mind? :)**

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews and support m'dears! You're all loverley :)**

Sanguine started to drag Valkyrie up the aisle, arm round her waist and gun at her temple. They took the slow, dramatic steps like you do at a real wedding. Sanguine hummed 'Here Comes The Bride' as they walked.

The priest sat were he was, at the 'alter' that was Sanguine's desk, crying and begging to be let go. He had a massive gash on his forehead that was dripping blood all over his robes.

Tanith sat in the 'audience' slumped in her chair, barely breathing.

Valkyrie was in total panic mode. She was trying to think of a plan to get out of here safely with the priest and Tanith – but if she made a run for it Sanguine would kill them both.

They reached the end of the aisle and Sanguine roughly turned Valkyrie round to face him. He brushed her dark curls out of he face and flashed his 250kilowatt smile. "Ready to spend the rest of your life with me, precious?"

"Bite me!" She snapped.

"Oh, trust me, soon I will – and ya'll are gonna _love_ _it!"_

Valkyrie gagged. That was _not_ a pleasant thought. Oh, where the hell was Skulduggery?

Sanguine looked sharply at the priest. "You! Fancy-boy! Start with the ceremony! My blushing bride and I are getting impatient!"

"Oh, p-p-please d-don't make m-me do this!" The priest sobbed. "P-please let m-m-me g-g-go! I just w-want to g-go home!"

"Marry us first, and then I'll let you wander free." Sanguine said in a sickly sweet voice.

"You m-mean it?"

"Scouts honour! Well, figuratively speaking of course, since I was never actually a scout."

"And w-what about t-t-the g-girls?"

Sanguine suddenly turned very sour. "They're none of your business, are they?"

He gulped. "N-n-no, s-sir."

"Then start with the damn wedding! And stop with the twitching, it freaks me out!"

The priest began. "D-dearly beloved, w-w-we are g-gathered here today, t-t-o w-witness the m-marriage of t-this man and this g-girl. D-do you have t-t-the r-rings?"

Sanguine held out Valkyrie's hand which had the diamond on it. Then he held up his own hand with an old Aztec gold ring on it.

The priest nodded, terrified of upsetting the angry cowboy and continued. "N-now for the, um, v-v-vows–"

"We've written our own." Sanguine interrupted.

Valkyrie raised on eyebrow. "We have?"

"Well I have." He winked at her. "Valkyrie, I can't promise you a whole lot. But I do promise to drug you into loving me, to kidnap you after this is over, to take you away from everything you care about, to give you no better life than one that is constantly on the run, to trick and deceive you, to be a selfish lover, to make you regret the day you were born, and possibly kill some of your friends and family along the way."

There was complete and utter silence. Valkyrie finally broke it. "You complete and utter Psychopath."

"Now, now, lil' Darlin', the time for pet names is later. For now, I want you to read out your vows."

"I didn't write any, you idiot."

He pulled out a piece of crumpled paper and held it out to her. "I got you covered, Sweetie."

Valkyrie took the paper and reluctantly started to read the words. "My Dearest William-Raymond Sanguine, I promise to love you unconditionally for the beautiful human being that you are – okay I can't ready this crap!" She tried to give the paper back to him. "At least give me something reasonable to say."

Sanguine held the gun out to Tanith. When he spoke, all traces of humour or politeness where gone. "I said _do it_."

Valkyrie hurriedly snatched the vows back and continued to read the paper. "I promise to be your loving wife and give you all you need and ask for. I promise to–" A lump caught in her throat. She coughed to get rid of it. "I promise to love no other man but my one and only you." She started to cry, no matter how hard she was fighting back the tears. "I promise to leave everyone and everything I love behind to be with you. I give you my body, mind and soul, for as long as I shall… love you."

Sanguine wiped away her tears with the barrel of his gun. "Now, now, lil' Darlin'. Don't be crying. I'm just as moved by that as you are."

She slapped his hands away from her face. "Don't touch me!"

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, gun barrel prodding into the small of her back. One shot here would go right though her spine, kill her instantly. Valkyrie knew better than to struggle.

Sanguine looked sharply at the priest. "Get on with it, choir boy!"

The sobbing priest stuttered on. "I-is there a-anyone p-p-present who k-know a r-reason why these t-t-two shouldn't b-be w-wed, speak n-now or forever h-h-hold your p-peace."

Sanguine held his gun out to Tanith. "Don't even move or I'll blow your brains out."

Tanith didn't even look capable of moving. She just sat slumped in her chair, barely breathing, like before.

The priest was quick to continue. "T-then by t-the p-p-power invested in m-me, by t-the C-c-city of D-Dublin, I now p-p-pronounce you m-man and w-wife, you may k-k-kiss the b-bride."

Sanguine gripped Valkyrie tighter. "Get ready to fall in love with me!"

And his mouth began to descend towards hers.

**Uh oh. Yes, I will admit that I have written myself into a preverbial corner here.**

**Don't worry, I'll figure something out... I hope :O**

**xoxo**


	82. Valduggery: Be safe part 8

**Here, a nice quick update because I felt bad about leaving you on that cliff hanger :)**

**Oh, and thank you so much for the reviews guys :)**

**Enjoy!**

Valkyrie closed her eyes and waited for the kiss that would cast her to her own eternal damnation. He was so close she could feel his hot breath on her face. She tried not to cringe away in disgust. She heard the gentle sound of his lips parting and her heart thundered loudly in her chest. Oh God, this was it. She was going to fall in love with him.

As if to ruin the imperfectly perfect moment, the door was blown off it hinges and in the doorway were three silhouettes and some sort of messy heap being held up by two of the people.

"I object." Said a velvety voice.

Valkyrie looked over at the silhouettes and at the tallest one, the shape of a fedora around his head. "Skulduggery!" She breathed.

He strode forward into the light. So did Ghastly and Erskine. The messy heap they were holding up was Dreylan Scarab, gagged and bound.

"Let the girl go." Skulduggery said in a dead tone, gun held out to Sanguine. "_Now!"_

Sanguine grinned at Skulduggery. "Ah, how nice of ya'll to make it! Did you bring us a weddin' gift?"

"I don't have time for your games, Sanguine. I've brought you your father, now give me back Valkyrie."

Sanguine's stance over Valkyrie didn't falter. He was still clutching her close, gun still at her temples. "Bring him over here. Untie him."

Erskine looked at Skulduggery who nodded. He untied Scarab and took the shackles off. He shoved him over to where Sanguine was standing.

Skulduggery's gun hand didn't waver. "Now give Valkyrie back!"

Sanguine leered at them. "Oh yeah, sure! Sure thing! Just let me do one little itty-bitty thing first."

And then before anyone could stop him, Sanguine was kissing Valkyrie, who fought and struggled against him.

"NO!" Skulduggery roared, Erskine and Ghastly holding him back.

Suddenly Valkyrie stopped resisting. She gave into Sanguine and started to actually kiss him back. He arms wound around his neck as she folded into his arms. Skulduggery watched, horrified, as Valkyrie kissed his enemy.

Sanguine pulled away from her and grinned. "So, how do you feel, Mrs Sanguine?"

"I love you." She said simply. "More than anyone else in the world!"

"NO!" Thundered Skulduggery.

Sanguine smirked. He pointed at Skulduggery. "More than that thing over there?"

Valkyrie laughed cruelly. "Who could love such a hideous beast as him? He doesn't even have lips!"

"Oh, Valkyrie, no." Skulduggery whispered.

"Dirty pile of old bones!" Valkyrie spat. She turned back to Sanguine. She held his face in her hands, thumbs brushing over his cheek bones. "You are all I'll ever need, my love. We can go away together. You, your father and I. We will only need each other!"

Sanguine flashed his 250Kilowatt smile. "Sounds good to me, Darlin'."

Skulduggery shook his head, he was still being held back by Ghastly and Erskine. "Sanguine, You evil son of a bi–"

"When can we leave?" Valkyrie interrupted Skulduggery like he wasn't even there. "Baby, when can we go away and leave all these people behind?"

"I got a car out back. We can go now if that's what you want?"

"That is all I'll ever want!"

Erskine frowned. "A car? Do you mean that ice-cream truck that was parked outside?"

Sanguine looked at him sharply. "It was all I could find on such short notice!"

Valkyrie tuned his head to look back at her. "Shh," she soothed, "ignore him. We don't need any of them. Just kiss me!"

Sanguine complied and Skulduggery groaned miserably.

She broke off the kiss and looked at Skulduggery with a stare that could kill. "Oh shut up, you miserable excuse of a life form! Why are _you_ moaning? Why are you even _living?_ No one wants you here. You're not human, your not dead, your not anything. You're just a sorcerer's spell gone wrong. Why don't you do us all a favour and shoot yourself?"

Skulduggery could have fallen to his knees. No one had ever spoken to him like at before. Not even his worst enemy. And now the words were coming from Valkyrie. From her beautiful pink lips.

"You don't mean that." He said in a weak tone.

"I do!" She snapped. "You're dead to me! Pun not intended!"

"B…but he doesn't even _love_ you! And you don't love him! Not _really!_"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes impatiently. She looked at Sanguine. "Baby, can I borrow your gun?"

Sanguine gave her a deliciously wicked smile. "Of course you can, Mrs Sanguine." He gave her his revolver.

She took the gun with a loving smile. She turned to Skulduggery, aiming the gun square between his eyes.

Ghastly made a noise of disgust. "Valkyrie! How could you?"

She ignored him and looked directly at Skulduggery. "Be brave." She muttered.

**Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge! If you just got that!**

**Let me know what you thought if you like :)**

**Oh, and Harmony, that ice cream truck was just for you XD**

**xoxo  
**


	83. Valduggery: Be safe, part 9

**Gosh! Finally here we are with the last part of the 'Be Safe' saga! I've enjoyed writing this story so much and I really hope you've enjoyed reading it too!**

**Thank you again to Adrasdos Dark for the original idea - you are beyond EPIC! XD**

**Enjoy the last part - sorry it is so long! :$**

Valkyrie aimed the gun square between Skulduggery's eye sockets. No one dared move. No one even dare to breathe. Valkyrie prepared to shoot her victim. She had never shot anyone before in her life. This would be an interesting experiment.

"Do it." Sanguine hissed in her ear. "Kill him!"

Valkyrie whispered back to him. "Do you really want me to do it, baby. Kill the man I don't love? Kill the man in this room that I truly and utterly despise?"

"Yes." He purred. "Right now."

She grinned like a Cheshire Cat. "As you wish."

Valkyrie pulled the trigger at the man she didn't love, at the man she despised most in the room. He fell to the floor dead and everyone in the room apart from her gasped. Valkyrie just sighed with relief. She had been waiting years to see that thing dead. She had wanted to fill him with bullets since they'd first met. And now she felt like dancing on his grave.

The dead man lying on the floor was William-Raymond Sanguine. In all the confusion, no one had seen her shoot him until it had happened. Valkyrie had shot the person she hated the most: Sanguine. She had followed his own instructions, turned on him quick as lightning, after fooling him into thinking she was going to shoot Skulduggery, and shot the Texan in the head. Now Billy-Ray lay on the floor in his own pool of blood.

Skulduggery knew it had been a bluff as soon as she had said those two all important words. _Be Brave._

More silence followed for the next couple of minutes as everyone stared at Sanguine.

Scarab was the first to break the silence. "What the in the _Hell_ have you done, little missy?"

Ghastly spoke up. "What's going on? I thought you loved him?"

Valkyrie shook her head. "Not a chance. His potion didn't work. I don't know why."

"I do." Scarab growled. "The potion doesn't work if you're already in love."

Valkyrie's gaze flickered over to Skulduggery quickly, then back to the ground. "Oh." She mumbled.

"Oh indeed!" Scarab snapped. "Which brings us all the way back round to you killing my son!"

"Um," Valkyrie, chewed her lip. "It was an accident..."

Scarab took a step toward her. "Say your prayers, little missy. Because I'm sending you straight to HELL!"

He lunged at her but first someone leapt in front of her. It was Skulduggery, flanked by Erskine and Ghastly.

"Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?" Skulduggery growled.

"That's not fair, Detective. You're a good foot and a half taller than me."

"I'm going to enjoy this." Ghastly hissed, cracking his knuckles."

Scarab held his stance. "And there's three against one – that isn't exactly an even playing field!"

Erskine licked his lips. "Allow us to introduce you to death, Dreylan."

All Scarab could say was, "Oh hell."

Skulduggery lunged at him, punching him square in the face. Ghastly followed up with a kick to the stomach, Erskine coming in with an elbow to the back of his head. Scarab howled in pain and lashed out a desperate kick, missing his opponents.

Skulduggery, being the organised one shouted out orders. "Ghastly! Go and release Tanith. She is with us not against us. That much is plain to see. Take her out to the Bentley. Erskine! Release the priest, wipe his memory, and set him back out into the town square. Leave Scarab to me. He is _mine!"_

Erskine and Ghastly went ant did their jobs, leaving Skulduggery and Valkyrie in the room with Scarab. Skulduggery continued to beat Scarab senseless, Valkyrie ran to him to flank him.

She threw a fireball at Scarab the followed it up with a kick to the head. Skulduggery punched Scarab in the stomach, the sent a wall of air hurtling into him, sending him flying across the room.

While they had a few moments spare, Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie. "Val, there is something I need to tell you!"

"Can't it wait?"

Scarab got up and charged at them. Skulduggery threw a fire ball and Valkyrie punched the back of his head.

"Not really!" Skulduggery shouted.

Scarab got up and made a lunge at Valkyrie but she slammed him back with a sharp kick to the chest.

"Well, I'm a little busy at the moment!" She shouted back.

"But it's really important!"

Scarab ran up behind Skulduggery and punched the back of his skull. So Skulduggery turned and set the man's hair on fire. Scarab proceeded to run around the room screaming, trying to douse the flames.

Valkyrie gestured to Scarab. "I don't think that now is hardly the right time!"

Skulduggery grabbed her hands. "If I don't tell you now, I might not ever tell you at all!"

She sighed. "Okay, fine, what is it, Skulduggery?"

"Valkyrie, I..."

"Yes?"

Scarab ran screaming into Skulduggery, hair still on fire.

"Bloody idiot!" Skulduggery roared.

He sent another wall of air at Scarab which blew out the flames at the same time. Scarab went hurtling across the room and hit the wall. Unstably he got back to his feet. Skulduggery let out an irritated sigh, drew his gun and shot Scarab dead without a second thought. Scarab fell dead to the floor bathed in his own blood, just like Sanguine.

"Like father like son." Valkyrie murmured. When Skulduggery didn't laugh, she knew something what was wrong. "What's the matter?" She asked. "You're all tense."

Skulduggery didn't look at her. "He interrupted what I was about to tell you."

"Tell me now then."

He still didn't turn back to her. "Valkyrie..."

"Yes?"

"Valkyrie... I..."

"Yes, Skulduggery?"

Erskine burst into the room. "You guys, we need to get going."

Skulduggery hung his head and muttered a soft curse. Before anyone could say anything, he was marching over Erskine and jabbing a skeletal finger into his chest.

"That," Skulduggery hissed, "could have been my opportune moment! And you _ruined_ it!"

"What?" Erskine asked, bewildered. "That in no way was your 'opportune moment'!"

"I was finally alone with her!"

"In an underground room filled with blood and two corpses? You really want to discuss your deepest emotions _here_?"

"Shh!" Skulduggery snapped, in a hushed tone. "Will you lower your voice, please?"

"Look," Erskine put his hands on his friend's shoulders. "You go and wait outside, prepare yourself, and I'll send her out to you in a second."

Skulduggery cocked his head to one side. "Why do you want to talk alone with her, Erskine?"

Erskine sighed. "Skulduggery, I have made it no big secret that I care for the girl too. Of course I'm letting you have her, but at least let me have a last goodbye.

Skulduggery paused. Thinking about this, it was quite a reasonable request. "Fine." He muttered. "But send her out soon. I'll be waiting across the road."

Skulduggery trudged out of the room leaving Valkyrie and Erskine alone.

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow. "What was that all about? What exactly did he mean by 'the opportune moment'?"

Erskine strolled over to Valkyrie, who was still in the sparkly little white number. "You will find out all in good time, Valkyrie."

"What's gotten into him lately?"

"Well, he has been out of his mind lately with worry."

Valkyrie bit her lip. "All because of me?"

Erskine laughed. "Don't sound so guilty. It wasn't your fault you got kidnapped and forced into a marriage."

"Well, technically I'm widowed now." Valkyrie tried to laugh of the disturbing fact.

Erskine laughed uncomfortably too. "Yeah... Yeah, that is, um, quite weird..."

Valkyrie wracked her brain for something to change the subject. Suddenly something occurred to her. "Hey, why did you want to talk to me alone? What did you mean by a 'last goodbye'? Are you leaving, Erskine? Oh please don't leave! I'll miss you!"

He walked over to Valkyrie and stroked her cheek delicately. "Oh, Valkyrie, that's not what I meant."

"Um, Erskine?"

"Valkyrie, I'm not going to try to steal you, or whisk you away in the night, or seduce you – not anything like that. I just need you to know before I hand you over to your true knight in shining armour how I feel. Valkyrie, I think, you are the most beautiful, sweet, intelligent person I've ever met. And if you weren't already betrothed to another, I would be snapping you up faster than you can say your own name."

Valkyrie smiled gently and genuinely. "Oh, Erskine, that is so sweet. Thank you, I appreciate the honesty."

"It's quite alright."

Valkyrie suddenly picked up on something Erskine had said. "Hold on, what was all that about me being betrothed? And having a true knight in shining armour? Should I know about this?"

Erskine laughed and took her hands, gently squeezing them. "Come now, Valkyrie. You must know what I mean. The only reason that potion of Sanguine's didn't work is because you were already in love with another person."

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow. "That could be anyone."

"Ah, but it's not is it?" Valkyrie didn't say anything so he continued. "Go on. He's waiting for you. Go get him."

Try as she may not to give the game away, a grin exploded onto her face. She kicked off her heels and ran to the door. Then she skidded to a holt, turned and ran back to Erskine. She took his face in her hands and planted a kiss on his lips.

Erskine was shocked. "What was that for?"

"I was just thing thank you."

"Oh... well then you are more than welcome!"

She giggled and winked at him good-naturedly. She ran out of the room and through the corridors, working her way through the maze back to the surface. She broke free of the darkness and into the daylight. She saw Ghastly and Tanith sitting in the back seat of the Bentley, getting 're-acquainted' with each other. She saw Skulduggery waiting down the road just a little bit away standing on the Cliffside.

She ran to him calling his name. "Skulduggery! Skulduggery!"

Skulduggery turned and saw a dark-haired beauty running towards him, with barely any clothes on – apart from that ridiculous little white number that Sanguine had her wear – with open arms. Who would he be to not open his arms for her?

She smashed into his arms and he enveloped her in an iron-grip embrace.

"Oh, Skulduggery!" She cried into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry I said all those horrid things! I didn't mean any of them! I just had to say them so I could fool Sanguine! I'm so sorry!"

"I know, Val, I know. I knew you were bluffing as soon as you told me to be brave."

Valkyrie suddenly went rigid.

Skulduggery pulled away from her just a little bit so he could see her face. "What? What's wrong?"

"You didn't know that I was bluffing before that?"

"Well... no."

"Oh, God." She murmured. "You must have thought all those horrible things I was saying were sincere. You must have... _hated_ me."

Skulduggery spoke in a very low and serious tone. "Valkyrie, I could _never_ hate you."

"Not even when you thought that _I_ hated _you_?"

"Not even when you were kissing Sanguine."

She laughed. "Oh, God, that was horrible!"

Skulduggery noticed her shiver in his arms. He realised she was wearing next to nothing. He shrugged out of his jacket and draped it round her shoulders.

"Better?" He asked her.

"Much, thank you."

He took her back in his arms for another hug. "Valkyrie, can I ask you something?"

"Anything at all."

Skulduggery gathered all his courage. "Valkyrie, Sanguine's love potion will only not work if the person it's used upon is already in love. Why didn't the potion work, Val?"

"You can ask me anything but that." She mumbled.

He pulled away from her slightly so he cool look into her eyes with his big empty eye sockets. "Who are you in love with, Valkyrie?" He murmured softly.

Valkyrie's voice trembled. "Who do you want me to be in love with?"

"Well, I would like it if you said you were in love with me."

"Why, are you in love with me?" Valkyrie asked him, nervously.

"I asked you first."

Valkyrie felt her cheeks burning red. "Well... I... Um... I..." She sighed, hanging her head. Slowly she looked back up at him. "I am in love with _you_, Skulduggery Pleasant."

Skulduggery wished he could smile. "Oh that's a coincidence, because I am in love with _you_, Valkyrie Cain. I'm sorry I never told you before."

Valkyrie smiled. "You really love me?"

"More than I can ever say."

Without further ado, Valkyrie was wrapping her arms around his neck and tiptoeing up to his lips.

Skulduggery put a finger on her puckered lips. "Hold on." He said. He activated his façade and was given a handsome face with loose black hair, shining green eyes, and perfect pink lips for kissing. "Okay." He smiled. "Now we can continue."

Valkyrie smiled. She reached up to his lips and kissed him tenderly, and was amazed at how the fireworks went off under her skin. Skulduggery held her closer than he thought he would ever be able to and kissed her back, relishing every moment.

At that moment Erskine Ravel emerged from the ruins behind them and saw Skulduggery and Valkyrie. He smiled happily for his friends. "Now _that_ is what I call a true opportune moment."

Now that Skulduggery had his Valkyrie in his arms, He knew she would always be safe.

**And there we have it! A nice, happy, Valduggery ending :)**

**I can't say thank you to Adrasdos Dark enough! Round of applause for her!**

**I have a great idea for a brand new story next!**

**I'll update soon m'dears! :)**

**xoxo  
**


	84. Valduggery: Mistake, part 1

**A brand new story. It is gonna be a two-part story, so look out for part two.**

**This is a sensitive subject by the way, just to let you know.**

Valkyrie's hands shook as she poured herself a cup of tea. How was she going to tell him? Would he understand? Would he _leave_ her? Would he realise that he was just as much to blame as she was?

She sighed. Of course he wouldn't understand. He was Fletcher Renn.

Valkyrie walked out of their kitchen and into the living room. She put the tea down in front of Fletcher on the coffee table.

He looked up at her. "Aw, thanks, Val."

She just smiled shakily back at him. "It's fine."

He patted the seat beside him. "Sit down, watch some TV."

"Fletch, we need to talk."

"You can't talk sitting down?"

"I need you to take me seriously."

"And I can't do that while you're sitting down?"

Sighing she sat down beside him. "There. Happy?"

"Unimaginably." He smiled, boyishly. "I'm always happy when you're around."

"Oh, God." She sighed and rested her head in her hands.

For the first time, Fletcher noticed that she was upset. It sounded like she was crying behind those hands. "Hey, what's wrong, Val?"

She didn't look up at him. "I have something to tell you. And you'll probably hate me afterwards."

"I doubt that."

"No you will. My mum and dad will hate me. You'll hate me. I even think Skulduggery will hate me."

Now he was getting worried. He put an arm around her. "Baby, what's wrong? Tell me."

"Oh, I can't."

"Yes you can. Come on, tell me what's wrong. Please don't cry, Val."

"You'd cry too if you knew."

"Please just tell me, love."

Finally she looked up at him. "Fletcher… I'm pregnant."

Fletcher's eyes widened. His breath caught in his throat. His arms snapped back away from her like she was some sort of a horrible disease. "No." He whispered. "No, you can't be!"

"I am. I took a test. I'm pregnant."

"But… _how?"_

"I think you know how, Fletcher."

"But we were always so careful!"

"I know! But obviously something went wrong, didn't it!"

Fletcher went silent for a very long time. Then he hung his head in shame, his hands gripping onto his hair. "Oh, God." He moaned miserably.

"Fletch?" Valkyrie reached out to touch his shoulder.

He jerked away from her. "Don't touch me."

"But, Fletch…"

He snapped his head up to look at her. "Are you going to get rid of it?"

She frowned. "What?"

"That thing inside of you. Are you going to get rid of it?"

"You mean our unborn child? You know I couldn't do that, Fletcher."

He turned very dark. "It's either me or it, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie felt like she hand just been punched in the gut. "W… what?"

"You heard!" He snapped, jumping to his feet. "Either you terminate it, or I walk out that door right now!"

"You can't make me chose!" She stood up too. "Please, I love you."

"If you loved me, you'd get rid of it."

Valkyrie felt sick. "Fletcher, that is so totally unfair.

"Valkyrie, _please!"_

"NO!"

More silence.

"Fine." He muttered. "But don't expect me to be there for you."

"But, Fletcher, I need you!"

He started to walk towards the door. "Tough."

She followed after him. "I need your help!"

"I don't care."

"But you're the father!"

He turned back to her. "I wish I wasn't!" He hissed. And without further ado he turned on his heel, opened the front door and left.

Valkyrie stood there for a few moments before she burst into tears. Slowly she got out her mobile and pressed the number 1 on speed dial. She held the phone to her ear and waited for a response.

"Hello?" Skulduggery's voice rang through the speaker.

"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie cried.

"Valkyrie? Valkyrie, what's the matter?"

"Can you come over here please?"

"Of course I can. Of course, I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Okay." She squeaked and hung up the phone.

True to his word, Skulduggery was there, banging on her door, ten minutes later. She opened the door and he was greeted by a crying, dark-haired beauty.

"Valkyrie, what's wrong?" He asked, dismayed.

She didn't say anything, she just turned and walked back into her living room, signalling for him to follow – which he did, shutting the door behind him.

She turned and faced him. "Oh, Skulduggery." She cried.

He took a step towards her. He wasn't too sure what to do in this situation. "What's happened?"

"I've done something really stupid."

"You can tell me, Val. You can tell me anything."

"You might hate me like Fletcher does."

"I expect he doesn't hate you."

"He does. He left me."

Skulduggery tilted his head to one side. "What? Why?"

Valkyrie hung her head miserably. "Please don't judge me."

"I would never do that, Val, you know that."

She looked up at him with watery eyes. "Skulduggery, I'm pregnant."

"Oh, God."

"And Fletcher's the father."

"Oh, God."

"And he left me when he found out."

"Oh, God! Valkyrie, come here!" He stepped forward and held her in a tight embrace.

She held onto him tight and cried into his torso. "I don't know what to do. I _have_ to keep it."

"I'll be here for you the entire way, Sweetheart."

"Skulduggery, I'm so scared."

"I'll look after you."

"Thank you."

She cried into his chest uncontrollably. Skulduggery just held her. He didn't know what else he could do.

**Part 2 up soon.**

**xoxo**


	85. Valduggery: Mistake, part 2

**And here we are with part two :)**

**I hope you like it!**

**Expect bundles of Valduggery lurve :3**

**xoxo**

"Oh... GOD!" Valkyrie screamed.

"Okay! Okay!" Skulduggery panicked. "What can I do? Tell me what to do!"

"GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!" She shrieked.

"I'm not sure I'm entirely qualified to do that, wouldn't you rather just hang on till we get to the hospital?"

"Oh God, someone kill me please!" Valkyrie writhed in agony.

Skulduggery was driving the Bentley to the hospital, Valkyrie was sitting next to him in the passenger seat, going into labour. They were still half an hour away from the hospital and Valkyrie couldn't hold on any longer. With an almighty groan he pulled over into a lay-by.

He looked over at Valkyrie. "You _so_ owe me for this!"

He got out and ran round to her side of the car. He scooped her up and put her back down in the back seat. He helped her get into a comfortable sitting position on the seat, propped up against the inside of the car door. He slid in next to her and shut the door behind him.

Valkyrie moaned in pain. "Oh dear Lord, why can't somebody just shoot me?"

Skulduggery shifted uncomfortably. "Um... what can I do to help?"

"Have this baby for me."

"Um, anything else?"

"Get Fetcher here. He should be here."

"Right." Skulduggery nodded pulling out his phone. He dialled Fletcher's number and waited patiently.

"Hello?" – Fletcher at the other end of the phone.

"Fletcher! Fletcher, hello!"

"Skulduggery? What do you want? I'm busy!"

"Yeah, well I'm a little busy right now, with the mother of your child who is currently in labour!"

"You say that like I should care."

Skulduggery exploded. "YOU SHOULD CARE!"

"Look, I told her I didn't _want_ this baby!"

"Shouldn't have got her pregnant then, should you?"

Valkyrie was in far too much in pain to even bother listening to what was being said.

Fletcher snapped, too. "It's not like I was trying to do it!"

"Fletcher, it takes two to tango, so please don't act like you haven't had a dance. Now get your arse over here right now!"

Fletcher laughed, spitefully. "Not going to happen, mate."

"But, you're the father." Skulduggery spoke very low and slowly, trying to contain his anger.

"Listen to me very carefully, Skulduggery. Tell Valkyrie this for me: Yes I lied to her, no I don't love her, I find her the most unattractive person in the world now that she is up the duff, I wouldn't want a baby with her if she was the last woman on Earth, that I've found someone else, and that all this pales in utter significance in the light of the fact that I'm not coming over there to be with her – do you understand me?"

"GO TO HELL!" Skulduggery roared and crushed the mobile in his grip.

"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie panted. "What did he say?"

Oh, God. How was he going to tell her? He turned to her and gently took her clammy hands in his. "Val, he's not coming. He's with another girl now. I'm so sorry."

"That little bas – OW! OH DEAR GOD!"

"Valkyrie? Valkyrie what is it?"

"Oh, God, here we go!"

"Right here? Right now?" Skulduggery panicked.

"I don't think we have a choice!"

"But... but... but I have no idea what to do!"

Valkyrie glared at him. "You don't have to do anything, you nob! You're not the one who is giving birth!"

"Language, Valkyrie."

"I'll give you bloody language! OW!" She groaned.

Skulduggery held her hands tightly. "Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"I swear if anyone else ever does this to me I will kill them!" She clutched onto his hands tighter.

"Valkyrie, could you ease up on your grip there?"

"I'm going to murder that boy! I'm going to murder Fletcher! I swear it!"

"Valkyrie, dear, you're crushing my hands!"

"Oh Hell, this is awful!"

"I share your pain!" Skulduggery squeaked, his hands being crushed.

Valkyrie started to cry. "Oh, Skulduggery it hurts."

He cupped her sweaty face in his hands. "I know, baby, I know."

"How did I get into this mess?"

"You fell in love with an idiot."

She looked perplexed for a moment. "Skulduggery, you're not an idiot."

"Me? When did I come into this?"

"Oh, Skulduggery, you honestly don't know how I feel?

"I... well... no, I had no idea."

"I was only dating Fletcher so you wouldn't notice how I felt."

"But, Val, you're so young."

She laughed through the tears. "I'm nineteen years old. Old enough to make these kind of mistakes and learn from them."

He laughed softly and stroked her face. "I meant, you're so young, how did you fall for an old bugger like me?"

She smiled weakly. "Who knows? Maybe I just have a thing for older men?"

"Hey, do you want to know a secret?" He asked.

"What is it?"

"I think I really like you, Valkyrie. I think I might... well... you know."

She smiled. "Yes dear, I know. You don't have to say it. I know you love me."

"I really do."

I love you too, Skuldug – OW!"

"Valkyrie!" He gripped her shoulders.

"Skulduggery, I need you to help me have this baby!"

"I really don't know what to do!"

"Just be there for me! Like you promised you would, when you first found out I was pregnant! Be the first person my baby see's when it's born."

He almost laughed. "A skeleton?"

"You're more of a man than Fletcher Renn."

Skulduggery was about to thank Valkyrie, but that was when she really started to scream. This baby was coming, and it was coming now. It was up to Skulduggery to deliver this baby. And so, nearly two hours later, in the back-seat of Skulduggery's once-beautiful Bentley, Valkyrie Cain gave birth to a healthy baby girl...

"It's a girl, Valkyrie! It's a girl!"

Valkyrie, looked up, exhausted. "Can... I... see... her?"

Skulduggery shrugged out of his suit jacket and wrapped the beautiful new born baby in it. He handed her over to her mother. "She's an angel, Val."

Valkyrie took the baby in her arms. She looked at the little baby's angelic face. She was pale with rosy pink cheeks and plumps little lips. She had dark brown eyes that were thickly lashed like her mothers. Thank God they weren't like her fathers.

Valkyrie couldn't help but start crying again. "Oh, Skulduggery, she's perfect. She's just beautiful, and lovely, and just so perfect."

"Just like her mother." Skulduggery said softly. He tucked a strand of hair behind Valkyrie's ear. "You are the bravest person I know, Val. I'm always going to be here for you."

"Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me, Skul."

The beautiful little baby looked over at Skulduggery and let out an amused little gurgle. She reached out a stubby little arm at him.

"I think she wants you." Valkyrie smiled and handed her baby over to him.

Skulduggery took the little angel in his arms and held her close. When was the last time he'd held something as small and fragile as this? He knew the answer to that. It was the last time he had held his beautiful little girl before she was murdered. He missed her so much.

"What are you going to call her?" Skulduggery asked Valkyrie.

Valkyrie thought about this. "What was your little girl called?"

"Rosabel." He whispered. "It means beautiful."

"Then that's what I'm calling her. You're holding little baby Rosabel."

He looked up at her. "Valkyrie, you don't have to do that."

"I know." She smiled. "But I want to."

Rosabel reached up and touched Skulduggery's cheekbone. She giggled at him.

Skulduggery laughed, very strained. "Oh, she's lovely. Thank you, Val."

"You're welcome."

Skulduggery couldn't help it. It was all too much. He missed his wife and child more than anything, but all he had to do was look round him and see that he had Valkyrie and Rosabel. And as much as he didn't want to allow himself, he started to cry. His shoulders shook as his chest heaved. Strangled little gasps whistled through his teeth, and almost as if by magic, a huge, glossy tear rolled out from his empty eye socket and down his slender cheekbone.

Valkyrie noticed this and her heart melted. She scooted over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Skulduggery."

He turned away from her, still cradling Rosabel. "Valkyrie, I don't want you to see me like this."

"Do you really think I wanted you to see me like I just was?" She laughed.

"I don't want you to see me cry."

"Oh, Skulduggery, you're only human."

He turned back to her. "But that's just the thing. I'm not am I? I'm a skeleton."

"You're more of a man than anyone I've ever met."

"I'm a dead man."

"The dead man that I love."

He looked at her, with a pained expression that could not be seen. "Valkyrie..." He murmured.

"You don't have to say it back, I know It's difficult for you to say."

"Valkyrie, I love you so much." Skulduggery simply said. "I'll shout it to the world if I have to. I am in love with you."

"I'm in love with you too." Valkyrie leaned forward and took his skull between her hands. She tenderly kissed him where his lips should be. She pulled away less than an inch and whispered against his teeth: "Skulduggery, will you be the father to my little girl? Will you be Rosabel's daddy?"

He looked down at the little bundle of joy in his arms. "It would be my honour."

Valkyrie closed her eyes. "You know, when I first found out I was pregnant, I thought it was a mistake. But now I realise, that my real mistake was loving Fletcher..." She opened her eyes. "...and realising that I didn't love you."

He chuckled gently. "No dear, that was _my_ mistake, for not telling you that I loved you sooner than now."

Valkyrie smiled and kissed him again, holding onto Rosabel's little hand, who was happily slumbering in her father's arms.

**I hoped you liked it.**

**Let me know what you thought :D**

**Don't forget, I'm taking suggestions!**

**xoxo**


	86. Valduggery: I was only gone 15 minutes!

**This is just a silly little chapter to make you laugh. It's overly cheesy and very slap-stick-humour, but I hope you like it :)**

**Enjoy :)**

"Okay, I'm only going to be gone for fifteen minutes." Valkyrie said, rummaging around in her handbag for her car keys. "Maybe twenty."

Skulduggery looked up from his newspaper, from where he was sat on the couch. "Okay, honey."

"Um, I need you to feed Einstein for me."

Skulduggery stroked the cat on his lap. "I will, dear."

"Oh, and I need you to get the chicken out of the oven in five minutes otherwise it's going to burn."

"Yes, love."

"And don't forget to turn the oven off, please."

"Whatever you say, darling."

Valkyrie sighed and looked up at him. "Can you at least pretend that you're listening to me?"

He looked up at her. "I am!"

Valkyrie found her keys, and pulled then out of her handbag. She walked over to Skulduggery and pulled the newspaper out of his hands. "Yeah, well, just remember what I said. Chicken. Oven. Five minutes." She kissed his cheekbone. "I'll be back soon."

"Okay, gorgeous." He held her hand and squeezed it.

She smiled at him. "Look at us, acting like a married couple."

He cocked his head at her. "Honey, we _are_ a married couple."

"Yeah, but who would have thought we'd actually be acting like it?" She kissed his cheek again. "I'll see you later." She turned and made for the front door. "Love you!" She called back.

"Love you too."

And then she was gone.

Skulduggery looked down at the tabby cat in his lap. "Well, Einstein. We've got the house to ourselves. I wonder what we should do?"

Einstein yawned and jumped off Skulduggery's lap. He trundled over to his cat bed and settled down.

"Boring git." Skulduggery grumbled. He got up from the chair and walked over to the stereo and turned it on. An old fifties rock 'n' roll song was playing so he cranked it up to full volume. "Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" He started to play air guitar. He didn't know the actual lyrics so he made up his own ones. Up came the guitar solo. "Oh! I love this part!" Skulduggery bellowed. He jumped up onto the coffee table and played his air guitar like a madman. He didn't realise that her was kicking the coffee mugs of the table, smashing them and spilling coffee over Valkyrie's pristine white carpet. He didn't notice when he kicked the vase and it smashed all over the floor. He didn't even blink a proverbial eyelid when his shoe came flying off and went hurtling across the room, hitting a portrait of him and Valkyrie, smashing it to the ground.

The song finished and Skulduggery jumped off the coffee table and rather than landing smoothly like he had planned, he tripped over his own feet and stumbled into the arm chair, knocking it backwards as he fell into it. It was only as he was sitting up, rubbing his skull that he realised the chair hadn't tilted back at all... he had ripped the back off it.

Skulduggery looked around him at the mass of broken glass and stains on the carpet.

"Uh-oh." He squeaked.

He jumped up and started trying to clear up the mess, but there was just too much, so he decided to work on the stains first. He ran to the bathroom and grabbed the stain-remover spray from the supplies cupboard. He ran back to the stained area of carpet and poured have the contents of the bottle on the brown stain. He sighed with relief as the stain started to dissolve.

"Yes!" He hissed.

But he was cut off short when something else started to happen, instead of the stain being brown, it started to go bright pink, the actual carpet material fizzing. Skulduggery looked at the bottle in his hand. In his haste, he had grabbed not the stain-remover... but bleach. He had just _bleached_ Valkyrie's carpet... and now it was going pink.

"Bugger." He mumbled. He felt something tapping at his leg. He looked round and saw Einstein. Damn! He was supposed to feed him! "In a second, Einstein." Skulduggery shooed him away.

Skulduggery sat and panicked about the pink blob on the carpet, and trying to wipe it away but to no avail. It was only when he could smell something burning, he stopped what he was doing. What on earth was that awful smell? He looked sharply as Einstein. "Oh God, I forgot to get her chicken out of the oven!"

He ran to the kitchen and wrenched open the oven door. Billows of black smoke poured out of the oven. Skulduggery fanned the smoke away and pulled the chicken out. To his horror it was black. Charcoal back. "Oh Fu–"

Einstein meowed. He was hungry. Skulduggery looked at him. "Shut up! I'm in a crisis here!" He slammed the oven door shut and tossed the burnt chicken on the counter top. He ran to the phone on the kitchen wall and dialled the number for the restaurant down the street.

"Hello?" Said a man's voice, at the other end.

"Hello!" Skulduggery shouted. "Oh, hello! I need your help!"

"How can I help you, Sir?"

"I need a chicken."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a long time. "A chicken?"

"Yes. A chicken."

"Sir... we're a restaurant... not a take away. You call here to make reservations only."

Skulduggery sighed. "Yes I know that! I just need a damn chicken!"

"But we don't do take away–"

"GIVE ME A CHICKEN!"

More silence. "Yes Sir, of course, when would you like your chicken?"

"Now. Can you deliver it to the big house at the end of Cemetery Road right now?"

"Um, yes Sir, okay."

"Great, thanks, bye." Skulduggery hung up. He turned round to see Einstein eating the burned chicken. "NO! Bad cat! Bad Einstein!"

He pulled the cat away from the chicken, and put him on the floor. But Einstein wouldn't give up quite so easily. He leapt for the chicken but skulduggery got there first and grabbled the chicken first. Unfortunately his hand went 'inside' the end of the burnt chicken. He tried to pull his hand out but it was stuck. "BUGGER! BUGGER! BUGGER!" He shouted.

He lifted his hand and the chicken was still attached. He frantically waved his arm around in the air, but it was still stuck inside the chicken. Einstein saw the chicken attached to Skulduggery's hand and lunged for it again. He caught it, his claws digging into the chicken, hanging from it, still attached to Skulduggery's hand.

"Oh for God's sake!" Skulduggery snapped and tried to shake the cat off, but to no avail.

The doorbell rang and Skulduggery ran to it, putting on his façade on the way and opened the door.

The man in the chef's uniform stood looking at Skulduggery, with a cat attached to a chicken stuck on the end of his arm.

"What?" Skulduggery snapped. "You've never seen a man with his hand stuck inside a chicken before?"

"Sir, it's none of my business what you get up to in your... personal life."

"Just give me my goddamn chicken, boy."

The man pointed to a box at his feet. "It's in there."

Skulduggery looked at the box. "Why has it got air holes?" He asked suspiciously.

The man frowned. He spoke very slowly. "So it can _breathe_, Sir."

"Breathe? What in the world?" He reached down with his good hand and opened the box, and out fluttered a live chicken. It flapped past Skulduggery and into his house. Einstein let go of the burnt chicken and ran after the new live one instead. Skulduggery looked at the man incredulously. "It's alive!" I bellowed.

The man nodded. "Yes. Well done."

"I didn't want a live chicken! I wanted a friggin' dead one, you twat!"

"Sir, you didn't specify that you wanted a dead chicken."

"What? WHAT? When people come into your restaurant and ask for chicken do you assume they want it dead or do you hand them a live chicken too?"

The man looked faintly disguised. "Sir, that is just ridiculous!"

"Oh, sod off!" Skulduggery snapped and shut the door on him.

He looked at the chicken clucking around the living room, Einstein stalking it. He picked up a lamp from the table in the corner and held it high with his one good hand. "Here Chiky-Chicky-Chick. Come to Uncle Skulduggery. Time to die!" He lunged at the chicken which dodged out of the way at the last minute. Instead, Skulduggery landed on Einstein who wailed loudly. Skulduggery jumped up and saw the unconscious cat on the floor.

"NOOOO!" Skulduggery half-screamed and picked up the cat with his good hand. "Einstein! Speak to me, buddy! Speak to me! Meow! Please, say something! Anything! Einstein!"

Nothing. The cat was out cold. At least it was still breathing.

"AH CRAP!" Skulduggery groaned. "I've assaulted the cat!" He put Einstein back down on the floor.

Then the smoke alarms went off. Skulduggery ran to the kitchen and saw that the oven was on fire. Damn! He had forgotten to turn it off! He ran to the hallway and grabbed the fire extinguisher. He sprinted back to the kitchen and began to douse the fire in white foam. Finally the fire was out but, there were white bubbles everywhere!

He tried to stop the fire extinguisher but it was out of control, more foam spouting from it. He ran frantically out of the kitchen and into the living room, battling with the fire extinguisher to stop, getting the foam everywhere in the process.

Finally the fire extinguisher quit... and that was the exact moment that Valkyrie walked through the front door.

She saw the smashed vases and photos scattered all over the floor. She saw the armchair with its back ripped off. She saw the gigantic pink stain on her perfect white carpet. She saw the burnt kitchen covered in foam like the living room. She saw the unconscious cat on the floor. She saw the random chicken as it walked past her. And then, lastly, she saw Skulduggery on the floor wrestling with a fire extinguisher, his hand crammed inside a burnt chicken.

She Screamed: "I was only gone for fifteen minutes!"

**Okay, so Skulduggery was totallly out of character through all of that! LOL! But I was just trying to make it really stupid :')**

**I hope you liked it!  
**

**xoxo**


	87. Valduggery: Things left unsaid

**Warning, this story is a little bit sad.**

**It's set in the Sanctuary Hospital.**

**Valkyrie is about 20 years old.**

**I hope you like it.**

Skulduggery ran down the hospital corridors, frantically searching for room 118B. He turned a corner and bumped into Ghastly.

"Skulduggery! You're here!"

"Yes! Yes! Where is she?"

Ghastly pointed to a door at the end of the corridor. "In there. She's not stable yet, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery gave Ghastly an acidic look – not that you'd ever know. "I don't care. She's in there and that's all that matters."

"I'm just telling so that you won't get your hopes up. She's not in a good way, Skul."

Skulduggery tone was dripping with venom. "You say that like it matters."

Skulduggery sprinted down to room 118B and burst through the doors. What he saw made him drop to his knees. There she lay, the dark-haired angel, unconscious, in the hospital bed. Tubes protruding from her nose, on a drip-feed that was attached to her inner-elbow, heart rate being monitored and displayed on the screen.

He forced himself to his feet and stumbled over to her side. He looked at the pale, gaunt face, blue lips, closed sunk-in eyes with purple rings under them. Her black satin hair was tangled and wet from the sweat beading all over her face.

He reached out a bony hand and delicately stroked her check. "Oh, Valkyrie." He whispered. And then every emotion poured out of him, each one like words tripping over themselves for be the first one to be spoken. He bowed low over her, so his forehead was touching hers. "Oh God, Valkyrie! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I should have been there! This is all my fault! I'm so sorry!"

He heard her groan beneath him. He stood up straight, like a lightning bolt and clutched onto her hands. She moaned again, her eyes fluttering.

"Valkyrie!" He cupped her face in his hands. "Valkyrie! That's it, baby. Wake up, come back to me, baby girl."

Her eyes opened a fraction. She saw the slim figure of a man standing over her. She smiled weakly. "Skulduggery."

"It's me, angel. It's me."

She laughed softly. "You've never called me an angel before."

"Well I should have. I should have always told you how beautiful you are."

She laughed and it turned into a cough. "Don't mess with me."

He squeezed her hands. "I'm not. You are _stunning._"

"Thank you." She smiled.

"I bought you something." Skulduggery fished around inside his coat and pulled out a single red rose. He handed it to her. "I know how you like them."

Valkyrie put the petals to her nose and inhaled deeply. She beamed up at Skulduggery. "It's beautiful. Thank you."

Skulduggery paused before speaking next. "Um, Val?"

"Yes, Skulduggery?"

"I'm really sorry."

She frowned slightly. "What for?"

"Well this is all my fault. I should have been there for you when you went to fight Dusk."

"You had Sanctuary business, Skul, it's okay."

"No it's not, Valkyrie. You got hurt because of me."

She shook her head, determinedly. "No you didn't. _Dusk_ hurt me, not _you_."

He hung his head. "I still should have been there."

"Skulduggery, listen to me."

"But Val–"

"No, listen." She said firmly, in the strongest voice since she had woken up. "This is not your fault. Don't blame yourself. All your life, you've been carrying around this guilt of what you did in the war, well fair enough. But I'm not going to let you bear the guilt of things that weren't your fault, okay?"

"I still feel like I'm responsible."

She sighed. "Would it help if I said that I forgive you?"

"Yes."

"Well then I forgive you. Even though there is nothing to forgive, I still forgive you."

He wished he could smile. "You do know that I love you, don't you?"

"Of course I do, sweetheart. I love you too."

He leaned down towards her and she tenderly kissed his teeth.

He pulled back. "If you don't mind, there is something really important I'd like to say."

Valkyrie yawned. "What is it?"

He chuckled softly. "That's okay. You sleep. I'll tell you when you wake up."

She snuggled down into her covers. "Okay."

He stroked her hair. "Goodnight, darling."

"Night night. I love you."

"I love you too."

Valkyrie closed her eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep. Skulduggery went and sat on a chair the far side of the room and began to meditate.

What was that God awful noise? It was like a constant ringing in Skulduggery's proverbial ears. No, not quite... ringing... more like a... a ... beep? A long continuous beep?

Oh dear God.

Skulduggery woke from his meditation immediately and was greeted by his worst nightmare. There Valkyrie lay, her heart monitor not rapidly beeping to show her beating heart. Instead there was just one long line, indicating her still, unmoving, lifeless heart.

"NO!" He roared. He ran to Valkyrie's side and grabbed her hands. "Valkyrie! Valkyrie! Come back to me, baby! Come on! COME ON! VALKYRIE!

The door to the room burst open and three doctors ran in. Two male doctors and a female.

"Excuse me, Sir." The female pushed past Skulduggery and crowded Valkyrie like the other two.

Skulduggery couldn't even see Valkyrie anymore, he could only hear the doctors shouting orders to each other.

"I need fifty CC's, stat!"

"Do you think that is wise?"

"Her heart's given out, we'll have to try resituating her."

"She's very weak, I don't know if her fragile state can take it."

"She's dying! We have to do something!"

"VALKYRIE!" Skulduggery screamed, falling again to his knees. "HELP HER! SAVE HER! DO SOMETHING FOR GOD'S SAKE! VALKYRIE!"

Ghastly burst through the door. "What's going on? Skulduggery?" He took in the scene before him, then he saw his best friend kneeling on the floor. "Oh... God..." He whispered.

"VALKYRIE!" Skulduggery wailed. "VALKYRIE!"

One of the male doctors looked back at Ghastly. "Can you get him out of here please?" He nodded to Skulduggery.

Ghastly clutched onto his best friend's shoulders and pulled him to his feet. "Come on, let's get you out of here."

"NO!" He shouted. "NO I WON'T LEAVE HER!"

But he didn't have a choice, as Ghastly was wrapping his huge arms around him and dragging him out of the room. Ghastly shut the door behind them and pulled Skulduggery further down the hallway.

"Skulduggery, calm down!" Ghastly shouted.

"NO!"

Skulduggery tried to escape but Ghastly pulled him back and held onto his shoulders firmly.

"Listen to me, Skulduggery!" Ghastly snapped. "There's nothing you can do! You'll only be in the way in there!"

"But she's going to die!"

"You don't know that!"

"Yes I do! You didn't see how she looked! She's going to die!" His voice cracked. "Oh God, Ghastly, she's going to die."

Ghastly pulled his friend into a tight hug. "It's okay. It's okay."

Skulduggery's chest heaved and his shoulders shook. "She's going to die. And I'll never have asked her. There were so many things left unsaid."

"She's not gone yet." He reminded him.

"I was going to ask her to marry me."

"You still can."

"Mr Pleasant." A voice from down the corridor. It was the doctor. He walked over to Skulduggery and Ghastly. He put a hand on Skulduggery's shoulder. "I'm sorry." He said gently. "It's not good news."

"No..." Skulduggery whispered.

"There was nothing we could do, Mr Pleasant."

"NO!" Skulduggery screamed. He broke free of Ghastly's grip and ran back to Valkyrie's room. He burst through the door and he saw her. Lying dead and cold on the hospital bed. "Valkyrie!" He cried, running to her side. He gently sat her up and held her to his chest. "Valkyrie, you're not dead are you? You're fine. You're just fine. You're just trying to get me back for that time I tricked you in the faceless ones world aren't you? You're still here, baby girl, you're still here."

Ghastly walked into the room. He saw Skulduggery cradling the dead girl. "Skulduggery..." He began.

But Skulduggery ignored him. He kept on talking to Valkyrie. "We'll get married, shall we? We'll go to the Caribbean, or some nice place like that and we can get married. And we'll have a magnificent party and all of our friends will be there. It will be lovely, just you wait and see."

"Skulduggery..."

"We could live in Gordon's mansion, maybe get a couple of dogs. Maybe even have some children. We'd have to adopt, of course, but that would be fine. You'll be a great mother. I'd love to be a daddy again. We'll be the perfect family. It will be wonderful."

Ghastly wrapped his arms around Skulduggery. "Skulduggery it's over." He gently pulled Skulduggery away, making him let go of Valkyrie who's shoulders gently fell back onto the bed. "It's over, Skulduggery."

"I know." Skulduggery cried. "But I can't leave it all unsaid."

"It's time to go." Ghastly said softly, dragging Skulduggery from the room.

"No." He moaned miserably. "No, I don't want to leave her."

"I know you don't. But you have to."

"NO!" Skulduggery started to scream again."NO! VALKYRIE! I WON'T LEAVE YOU!"

"Come on." Ghastly was steadily dragging his friend out of the room and down the corridor.

"VALKYRIE I LOVE YOU! VALKYRIE! I'D STILL MARRY YOU, DARLING! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

It was all that Skulduggery could scream to her, what with all the other things left unsaid.

**I told you it was a little bit sad - sorry about that!**

**I'll update soon**

**xoxo**


	88. Valduggery: From Skulduggery's POV

**Hello everybody in the land of Fan Fiction! I have a new story out! It's called "His Scars Run Deep" and it's a crossover story between Skulduggery Pleasant and Edward scissorhands. It was an idea suggested to me by the wonderful Harmony-Rose Temptation, so I thank her muchly for that :3 Please go take a look at it if you want :) If you don't know the film "Edward Scissorhands" then you MUST go watch it! It's amazing! All you need to know is that Edward Scissorhands is an uncommanly gentle young man who just happens to have scissors for hands. I would be soooooooo appreciative if you would take a peek at my story :)**

**And now, onto the story! This is a poem written from Skulduggery's point of view, about Valduggery.**

**I hope you like it!**

You were just a young girl,

When we first met,

You're childish features and cute smile,

I surely shan't forget.

You were quite stubborn,

You still actually are!

But you were also happy and cheerful,

My own personal little star!

We worked well together,

Solving mysteries and crime,

You fighting beside me,

Me protecting you all the time.

Every time you got hurt,

I could barely forgive myself at all,

Every time that you cried,

I would wipe away the tears that would fall.

We were best friends, Val,

You and me – the dream team!

With an unbreakable bond tying us together,

Perfect partners we would seem!

I love the way you make me feel,

You bring laughter back to these old bones,

You make me feel like I'm human again,

For that I give you my gratitude to own.

But then you started to grow up,

Body changing, becoming more beautiful,

And no matter how hard I tried not to notice,

Your loveliness was far too unbelievable.

I tried to push my feelings aside,

Ignoring my fondness for your dark eyes and soft hair,

I knew you could never love a skeleton back,

But inside my imaginary heart, my love for you was still there.

Then one cold night, standing on the pier,

I felt you shiver in the breeze next to me,

I put my coat around you and cuddled you close,

Having you pressed against me was near ecstasy!

I felt your arms wrap around my waist,

As your head nuzzled into my chest,

But getting to stroke your soft hair,

Was the part I liked the best!

I looked down at you and saw you staring up at me,

"Valkyrie" I couldn't help but whisper your name,

The way you were looking at me with true affection,

Is it possible you felt the same?

Touching my collarbone and calling up my façade,

You proceeded to tiptoe up to my face,

You placed a tender kiss upon my temporary lips,

And my imaginary heart raced!

Our lips melted and danced together,

As the kiss built and grew,

"I love you, Valkyrie" I whispered,

"Skulduggery, I love you too."

Now I have you all to myself,

You're my Valkyrie and I'm your Skulduggery,

I'll never ever let you go,

As this is pure Valduggery!

**I hoped you liked the poem :)**

**Don't forget to check out my story "His Scars Run Deep" if you want to, of course! :)**

**Thank you again m'dears! I love you all!**

**xoxo**


	89. Valduggery: From Valkyrie's POV

**And here we have a poem about Valduggery written from Valkyrie's point of view.**

**That is all :)**

I was only twelve,

When we first met,

It was a good night for many reasons,

A night I shall never forget.

I was under attack,

Death was uncomfortably near,

Then _you_ came along,

Rescuing me without any fear.

After saving my life,

You cared enough to make sure I was okay,

But when it was time for you to leave,

I wanted you to stay.

Eventually we reached a compromise,

You let me tag along,

Many thought it was a bad idea,

But we proved them wrong!

After that I never left your side,

I became your partner in crime,

Saving the world like it's a hobby,

Acting like hero's all the time!

You became my very best friend,

I trusted you more than the others,

You were the friend I couldn't live without,

I shouldn't be surprised we became lovers.

While you were the same unchanging skeleton,

My features started to shift,

And by the time I was nineteen,

My child-like features began to lift.

I was a woman now,

Able to finally accept my emotions,

I fell deeply in love with you,

And along came this hopeless devotion.

However, I knew I would never tell you,

These feelings couldn't possibly be good,

To expect you to love me back was irrational,

As I knew you never could.

Then, one bitter cold night,

After Sanguine had raked his razor across my neck,

You were adhering to my wounds with a gentle touch,

Not even realising you were charming me like Heck!

Afterwards you held me close,

You wiped away the tears that spilled,

Letting me curl into your chest,

And yet, I still wasn't fulfilled.

Reaching up and tapping your collarbone,

I called up your temporary face,

Dark hair and dark eyes formed,

And my fragile heart began to race.

My wandering hands snaked around your neck,

And knotted into your hair,

My head tilted back, exposing the slash on my neck,

Indicating I wanted you to kiss me there.

Nothing happened at first,

And I thought you were going to reject,

You'd give me some speech about it "being wrong",

But then I felt you lips press against my neck.

Letting out a sigh of sheer bliss,

I sat back up to look at you,

"Skulduggery," I began nervously,

"Can... can I kiss you?"

I'll always remember the way you laughed at me then,

Your bony hands cupped my face,

"You don't need to ask" You whispered,

Holding me in a tight embrace.

Without hesitating a second longer,

My lips finally met his,

Crushing together with urgency,

I'd never known love like this.

I pulled away slightly and looked up at you,

"I'm in love with you, Skulduggery Pleasant",

"I'm in love with you too, Valkyrie Cain",

This love is true and not evanescent.

So now we're the perfect couple,

I'm your Valkyrie and you're my Skulduggery,

With an endless love and burning passion like ours,

How could anyone not like Valduggery?

**I hope you liked it :3**

**Don't forget to check out my new SkulPles/EdScissorhands story if you want :)**

**Thank you my lovelys!**

**xoxo**


	90. Valduggery: Cry baby part 1

**Wow-wee! Do I have a LOT so say here! LOL! Well, firstly, hello, I hope you're all good!**** Secondly, I would like to talk about this chapter, and the string of parts that are going to be following it! This multi-chapter story is based on a film called "Cry Baby". It will be the story plot for "Cry Baby" played out with the Skulduggery characters, so you do not have to have watched the film to read these chapters! _- _That part there is very important! Anyone and everyone can rad this and understand what is going on :)  
**

**"Cry Baby" is an amazing film. It's so funny, and cheesy, and over-the-top. If you havent's watched it, I seriously suggest you do m'dears! I've tried to capture it's camp-ness and cheesy-ness all through this chapter. It's litterally written word-for-word, so the dialogue is pretty accurate. Let me just note (because I have to) that I do not own the film "Cry Baby". However, it has Johnny Depp in it, and I would most deffinately like to own him ;) Well I can dream, can't I?  
**

**Things to remember for this film: It's a musical, so there will be random song lyrics popping us when they would be in the film. Skulduggery has been made to be human again. Ghastly suddenly has foster parents as his actually died, so it says in the SP books. Speaking of parents, all of the characters are aged about seventeen, so in this most of them have parents. I know It's weird to make all the character's younger but I had to do it to fit the characters in with the story. And, Hey, it's fanfic - so go NUTS right? ;) There will be lots of Valduggery, too! Also it's set in Baltimore, America in about the fifties.  
**

**Lastly, I hope you like it. I mean, I REALLY hope you like it. because this is gonna be a bloody difficult multi-chapter story to do! LOL! :)**_  
_

_Doo wop, doo doo wop, doo doo wop, doo doo wop  
Shoobeedoobee wa.. doowop doo wabby wabby _

_Doo wop, doo doo wop, doo doo wop, doo doo wop  
Shoobeedoobee wa.. doowop doo wabby wabby _

_Doo wop, doo doo wop, doo doo wop, doo doo wop  
Shoobeedoobee wa.. doowop doo wabby wabby _

_Cry-Baby! Cry-Baby! Cry-Baby! _

Valkyrie was lined up with all the other 'Squares' in the Sanctuary infirmary, waiting patiently for her turn. It was annual flu-shot day for all the Mages today and Valkyrie was reluctantly waiting for her shot. Her Square boyfriend Fletcher Renn, stood beside her, arms around her shoulders. He kissed her cheek and she couldn't help but giggle.

_My baby, whoa-ho! He's such a cry baby! Ho, ho! He's such a cry baby, cryin' all the time _

_Cry-Baby... Cry-Baby _

_My baby, ho ho! He's such a cry baby, whoa ho! Hes such a cry baby, cryin all the time. All the time!_

_Oh when the rain drops start to fall, tears fall from my eyes.  
Then my heart starts to fall, don't you realize, oh realize! _

_My baby, ho ho! He's such a cry baby, whoa ho! Hes such a cry baby, cryin all the time. _

That's what they were called, those good Mages, the goodie-two-shoes sorcerers, the ones who followed all the rules – they were called 'Squares'. The line opposite the line of Squares, was the line of 'Drapes'. Drapes were the people who worked for the Sanctuary, but played by their own rules. They were sort of freelance employees. Because of this, they broke the rules, wore leathers, and mixed with other gangs and got away with it.

_When the bad boy looks at me, everybody knows.  
Ooo Ouch, my blood turns hot, right down to my toes. To my toes! _

_Shoobeedoobee wa.. doo wop doo wabby wabby _

_Shoobeedoobee wa.. doo wop doo wabby wabby _

_Shoobeedoobee wa.. doo wop doo wabby wabby _

_Cry-Baby! Cry-Baby! Cry-Baby! _

_My baby, ho ho! He's such a cry baby, whoa ho! Hes such a cry baby, cryin all the time. All the time! _

_Oh when they tell me hes no good, oh what do they know!  
Whats bad to them is good to me  
He sure makes me glow, he makes me glow!_

Squares and Drapes do not mix. That was the rule. That was the solid, written in stone, lawful (well not real, but metaphorical) rule.

_My baby, ho ho! He's such a cry baby, whoa ho! Hes such a cry baby, cryin all the time. _

_Time... _

_Time... _

Sometimes... these rules get broken...

_You big ol' cry baby!_

In the Drape's line, there was a curvy, blonde, Drape girl named Tanith Low, recently nicknamed "Hatchet-Face". This was because, after having the remnant extracted from her, it had heft her face all botched and scarred. She wasn't quite the beauty she once was. Three other Mages behind her were staring at the back of her, where all that could be seen was her perfect figure and long tousled blonde hair. One of the Drape boys – feeling cocky – squeezed her bum. Tanith turned round to face them, whipping her sword out. The three boys saw her disfigured (blatantly quite ugly) face, screamed and jumped back, clinging onto each other for safety.

Tanith just grinned at them and turned back round.

Ghastly was making his way through the line of Drapes. He saw his girlfriend, Tanith, ran up to her and pulled her into a kiss, before standing in line with her and his fellow Drapes. He didn't care how ugly she was now, he still loved her! Also in the Drape's line was China Sorrows. Every time a square looked her way, admiring her beauty, she gave them an acidic look and growled, scarring them off.

Ghastly went up to get his flu-shot, followed by Tanith, both of which seemed to actually enjoy the pain of the shot! Next up went China, who distracted herself from the pain by flirting with the man giving her the shot, sending kissy-faces his way, making the poor man fall in love with her.

Next up from the Drape's line was Melancholia, who was currently pregnant with her Drape boyfriend – Caelan's – baby. She was standing there in line, knitting little booties for her baby when it would arrive. The nurse went over to get her and noticing she was pregnant put her hand on Melancholia's baby bump, but Melancholia – being one of the toughest in the gang – shoved the nurse out of the way and strolled over to get her flu-shot by herself.

Next up from the Square's line was Fletcher Renn, at the same time, in the chair opposite him, Clarabelle went up from the Drape's line to get her shot too. There were two shot chairs, one for each the Squares and the Drapes. Like I said, Squares and Drape aren't supposed to mix – ever!

Clarabelle's recent run-in with a remnant had had the oddest effect on her. It hadn't made her loony like everyone had thought it would – well, loonier than she already was! Instead it had turned her into a big fat _tart!_ This was why that when she saw the hottest Drape Boy of them all walk through the infirmary door, she practically leapt off her seat and ran to stand by his side.

This Drape Boy was of course Skulduggery Pleasant. After Recently undergoing an operation to become human again, he had forgotten about his neat and tidy act, and now he was a hot, bad-ass Drape. He was young, good looking, and just _totally_ _super cool! _Nobody called him Skulduggery anymore though. His new nickname was "Cry Baby" as he had the amazing ability to shed one single tear whenever he wanted, although no one quite knew for what reason he did this.

Skulduggery was being dragged across the hall by the Cleavers to get his flu-shot, that he was adamant that he was "too cool" to get. In the end he got fed up of the Cleavers, deciding to get the shot after all, and shook them off of him. He strolled up to the Drape's Flu shot chair, pushing past Clarabelle who was standing in front of him, batting her eyelashes.

Valkyrie heard all the commotion behind her and turned. She saw Skulduggery strolling past her and she blushed a deep crimson red. She had always had a secret crush on him. He sat in his chair and Valkyrie realised that it was her turn too to get her shot, and sat in the chair opposite him.

While getting the shot, they both looked up sheepishly at each other, holding their gaze for a few moments, and then they both hurriedly looked back down at the floor. The both looked up again and Valkyrie saw the huge single tear rolling down Skulduggery's cheek. She wondered to herself what the tear was for, but she couldn't think of a reason as she never could whenever he shed his single tear.

All that she knew was that she was completely falling for him.

And like that, their flu-shots were over. Their moment was over.

The day was over, and all the Sorcerers were filing out of the Sanctuary. The Cry Baby Gang all stuck close together. This gang consisted of Cry Baby himself (Skulduggery), Tanith Low, Ghastly Bespoke, China Sorrows and Melancholia. Melancholia's boyfriend, Caelan, got on well with the gang, although he wasn't and official member yet.

Across the road, were Tanith's parents who owned a cigarette stand on the other side of the road to the Sanctuary.

Tanith's dad was shouting out to all the Mage's, "Get your cigarettes! Ten a piece, six for a nickel!"

One young sorcerer ran up to Tanith's mother and tried to buy a cigarette off her.

She shook her head as she took a puff of her own cigarette. "Uh! You owe me from yesterday young man!"

The boy was desperate. "Look, look, I'll pay you tomorrow!"

Tanith's mother waved her cigarette in his face. "Oh, wouldn't you like to have one?"

"Oh, come on! Just a drag! Just a drag!"

She shoved him out of her way. "No cash, no tobacco! Go on! Scram!" She saw her daughter Tanith coming out of the Sanctuary. "Hey! Tanith! Get over here and help your poor mother!" She broke into a coughing fit from the nicotine in her system.

Tanith simply ignored her parents, as she always did.

The Cry Baby Gang went to cross the road, but they had a crossing guard, which just so happened to be China's mother, who stopped them. China's mother was a prim and perfect Square, so naturally China was embarrassed of her. She held up her stop sign to the gang.

"Hi kids!" She said cheerfully. "Remember, always look both ways before crossing."

"Mother!" China snapped, mortified.

China's mother looked at her daughter. "We're having your favourite supper tonight, China: Potatoes Au Gratin!"

The rest of the gang made fun of China with over-exaggerated "Mmm" sounds.

China's mother, now happy with how the gang was behaving, decided to let them cross the road. She stepped back and turned round her stop sign so it said "Go".

"Now walk." She smiled.

The gang went to walk but China's mother stopped them again. "Look left. Look right." She reminded them.

They did as they were told, looking left, looking right.

China's mother smiled and finally let them cross. "That's right! _Then_ walk! Good teenagers!"

They walked over to the Bentley, Skulduggery leaning in through the window and turning on the radio. The song "The Flirt" came on.

Clarabelle was watching Skulduggery from a safe distance, admiring him.

A school bus pulled up beside the Bentley, being driven by China's geeky Square father. He opened the doors via a lever on his dashboard and smiled out at his daughter. "China, honey, do you want a ride home with dad?"

China took her lolly pop out of her mouth. "I got a lift. Thanks anyway."

"We can count out of states licence plates! I saw one this morning all the way up from Virginia!"

"Dad, would you just leave me alone?" China whined, exasperated.

China's dad smiled cheerfully and waved. "Bye, honey!" He shut the bus door and drove on.

Valkyrie and Fletcher walked out of the Sanctuary doors, arm in arm. Skulduggery looked up and saw Valkyrie looking his way. Doing his coolest trick he could to impress her; he got out a match and struck it against his front teeth, lighting it.

Valkyrie indeed _was_ impressed. She looked at Skulduggery with lust. "I'm so tired of being good!" She murmured, and began to walk over to the Cry Baby Gang.

**See what I meant by cheesy?**

**But seriously this film is H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S! You MUST watch it XD**

**I hope you like it so much. Wow, I really do! LOL! :P**

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxo**


	91. Valduggery: Cry baby part 2

**Here we are with part two!**

**Just a couple of small thing to keep in mind:**

** - Echo-Stone-Gordon is in this, but I've made it so that he can interact with real life objects and people again. Modern science, eh? LOL! ;)**

** - Skulduggery and Melancholia are related. They are Half-brother and sister. Yes, this may seem weird but it does explain how they became like this at some point in this chapter. I had to do it so it would fit in with the story :)**

** - Remember, Skulduggery is nicknamed "Cry Baby" because of his ability to shed one single tear whenever her wishes, and Tanith is nicknamed "Hatchett-Face" due to her botched and ugly face after having the remnant extracted from her :)  
**

**And now, we continue with the story...**

Valkyrie made her way over to the Drapes. He gaze never left Skulduggery's big brown eyes. Clarabelle was starting to look flustered at what was going on before her very eyes. How on Earth could that Square even _think_ of going over and talking to the baddest Drape of them all?

Skulduggery put out the flame for fear of it being so close to the quiff of his dark brown hair that hung down in front of his face while the rest of it was all slicked back. He touched the match to his tongue, extinguishing the flame immediately. Then he chewed the matchstick up and spat it back out again.

"Hi!" Valkyrie said as cheerfully and confidently as possible, flicking her dark ponytail off her shoulders.

Skulduggery stopped leaning against the Bentley so that he could circle Valkyrie. "Well, you're a pretty little Square." He resumed leaning back against his car. "Wanna hang out with us Drapes tonight?"

Upon eavesdropping on this, Clarabelle let out a frustrated growl and stormed off through the crowd, other people sniggering at her.

Before Valkyrie could answer Skulduggery, a white car pulled up beside her.

The man inside the car had sandy blonde hair and almost looked unreal, like his form was flickering.

"Valkyrie Cain, get in this car!"

Valkyrie knew it was her echo-stone Uncle Gordon. She cringed, but even more so when Fletcher ran to her side and put his arms around her shoulders.

"What's the trouble, Honey? These Hoodlums bothering you?" Fletcher asked, defensively.

Valkyrie sighed. "No, no, we were just talking. Gordon, Fletcher, this is Skulduggery Pleasant."

Skulduggery grinned, eyes twinkling from behind his huge dark shades. "They call me Cry Baby, this here is my sister Melancholia."

"Greetings Grampa!" Melancholia snarled at Gordon.

Fletcher glared at Skulduggery. "Valkyrie's _my_ girl! So _hands off_, Cry Baby!"

Skulduggery took of his shades, angrily. "You coulda fooled me, Square!" Skulduggery looked over at Gordon. "Mr Gordon Edgley, I hear you're having a talent show at your charm school today."

Gordon scowled at Skulduggery. "I can barely imagine what _you_ would call music!"

Skulduggery grinned. "I can sing pretty good."

"_Well_. Not _good._ Haven't you ever heard of the English language?"

"Don't pull a flip-out Daddio!" Melancholia snapped protectively of her brother.

"Yeah!" Tanith joined in. "Sometimes, shook up old men..." She got out her sword and licked the tip of its blade. "... get _cut_!"

Poor Gordon looked terrified.

"Come on, Honey!" Fletcher led Valkyrie into the passenger seat of the car and got in himself just behind her. "They're just bums!"

"Mr Puniverse wants a fat lip!" China growled at Fletcher.

Valkyrie looked up at Skulduggery. "I'd like to hear you sing." She smiled.

Skulduggery nearly blushed – but that would be _so_ not cool!

"I will say this once," Gordon threatened. "And once only. Stay away from my Niece, you common juvenile delinquents!"

Fletcher smirked at Skulduggery from where he was sitting comfortably.

"It was nice talking to you all." Valkyrie couldn't take her eyes off Skulduggery.

Gordon slapped her arm for persisting to talk to the Drapes, then promptly drove off, leaving the Drapes standing by the Bentley.

Valkyrie looked back as they drove away and smiled at Skulduggery. He smiled back at her, too.

Skulduggery shrugged it off. "Let's go." He announced to the Cry Baby Gang.

The rest of the Gang cheered and whooped as they got in the car, Skulduggery behind the wheel, Melancholia in the passenger seat, and China, Ghastly and Tanith in the back seat.

Meanwhile, driving home in Gordon's car, Gordon and Fletcher were scolding Valkyrie for her behaviour earlier.

Gordon was still moaning at her. "The prettiest and most talented girl in school, and yet, she socialised with _Drapes!"_

Fletcher leaned forward. "We're Squares, Valkyrie. And Squares gotta stick together."

Valkyrie frowned. "Yeah, but Drapes are people too, they just _look_ different! Maybe Cry Baby _can_ sing! Something cool! Something... hip!"

"And where did you learn those vulgar jazz words?" Gordon snapped. "Your poor dead parents would turn over in their graves!"

"It's those jukebox records she listens to." Fletcher said, primly. "Honey, his kind of music isn't even on the Hit Parade!" he began to massage her shoulders.

Valkyrie shrugged his hands off her shoulders. "How can I think when you're always _touching_ me?"

Gordon was getting angrier by the second. "I have told you, Fletcher! A young Lady does not like to be pawed!"

However back in the Bentley, which was only a couple of cars behind Gordon's, the complete opposite was going on. Ghastly was kissing Tanith all over and she was _loving_ it!

China was drinking booze in the back seat next to Ghastly and Tanith, and enjoying it all the while.

Skulduggery was singing along with the radio in the front seat with Melancholia. He loved his sister. Well, his long-lost-half-sister. It turned out, that before Skulduggery's mother had died, she had an affair with Melancholia's father, and presto, nine months later, Melancholia was born. However, both of her parents died in a car crash and she went to live with Skulduggery and his parents. Unfortunately both of Skulduggery's parents were now deceased too, so now they were both orphans and the only family that each of them had left.

Melancholia turned down the radio so that she could speak. "I Think Cry Baby's got a girlfriend!"

Skulduggery laughed and shook his head.

Ghastly started to sing. "Cry Baby and Valkyrie, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Shut up, Ghastly!" Skulduggery laughed.

China turned to Tanith. "Hey, Hatchet-Face? You think Cry baby's got _blue-balls_ for the chick?"

Tanith grinned. "Valkyrie's a Square, China. Cry Baby don't dig _Squares_!"

"No!" Melancholia giggled. "She's a Scrape. Part Square, part Drape." She looked over at Skulduggery. "I think she's pretty."

China held up her drink to Skulduggery. "Cry Baby, want some hooch?"

Skulduggery batted her hand away. "I don't drink and drive!"

However, he did go over the speed limit. He sped off down the road and over took a couple of cars. He pulled in just behind Gordon's white Cadillac.

Back in Gordon's car...

Gordon glanced over at Valkyrie. "You're too young to know the shameful truth about the Pleasant boy's family. But let me warn you, evil is in his blood!"

There was a sound of a car horn behind them. Valkyrie turned and saw the gleaming black Bentley with Skulduggery behind the wheel. Skulduggery rammed into the back of the white Cadillac, infuriating Gordon and Fletcher, but only making Valkyrie giggle. They drove round so they were diving next to the Cadillac, but driving on the wrong side of the road.

All of the Drapes started to sing to the Squares through the open windows:

_O-o-o-o-o please, listen to me, hear-hear-hear my plea _

Fletcher growled. "Move up now!"

"It's not funny!" Gordon snapped.

_Why I love that girl_

_Hold me, Baby, squeeze me_

_Never let me go_

_I'm not takin' chances _

Fletcher pointed a finger at Skulduggery. "You're a dead man, Pleasant!"

_Because I love her, I love her so-o_

_O-o-o Gee, yes I love her, Yes I need her_

There was a car coming at the Bentley in the opposite direction, on a collision course with them.

"Car!" Fletcher shouted at Skulduggery.

Gordon near shrieked in panic for the Drapes who didn't even seem fazed at all.  
_  
Why I love that girl, love that girl_

Skulduggery blew a kiss to Valkyrie before yanking at the wheel and pulling in front of the Cadillac and out of the other car's way at the last minute. They proceeded to speed off down the road and out of sight.

Fletcher and Gordon were enraged at the Cry Baby Gang. Valkyrie however was smitten.

**Let me know if you're liking it so far :)**

**xoxo**


	92. Valduggery: Cry baby part 3

**I'm really enjoying writing this multi-chapter story.**

**And, no, it's not just because I get to repeatedly watch "Cry Baby" and drool at Johnny Depp...**

**Just some new things to keep in mind:**

** - Prepare for good old Scapegrace and** **Thrasher to be human again, and guess what? They are squares now! Isn't that nice? ;)**

**- This part has a rather long song in it. You don't have to read all the lyrics to great detail. Just read around them if you want :)**

**Obviously I don't own any of the songs used in this story :)**

**And now, time for part 3!  
**

Gordon Edgley drove up to his huge mansion, Valkyrie and Fletcher in the car, behaving like good little Squares. As soon as Valkyrie got out of her car, she was whisked away by her other Square friends, up to her bedroom to get dressed in her white full length dress.

Fletcher went and sat down with his band members in the Grand Hall where the talent show was being held. Fletcher's band members included Geoffrey Scrutinous, Scapegrace and Thrasher. Scapegrace and Thrasher had recently been turned human once again by the help of Dr Nye, and Gordon had agreed to rehabilitate them to be good wholesome Squares. They were still complete and utter wimps – but Squares nonetheless.

All of the seats were already filled and the show was ready to start, but first Gordon was prepared to make a speech.

Gordon tapped the microphone to check it was on. "Good afternoon ladies and Gentlemen. And welcome to the annual RSVP talent show."

"Good afternoon Mr Gordon Edgley." The audience of Squares chorused.

Gordon continued. "First, I must apologise for my frazzled nerves. However, this afternoon we were attacked by a gang of Juvenile Delinquents."

Fletcher and his band members (The Whiffles) shared a look of hatred for the Drapes, and partook in their super-special-secret-Square-handshake.

"It's all right!" Gordon announced. "No one was injured. Juvenile Delinquents are _everywhere_! Right here, in _this_ community! Boys with long hair, and tattoos, who _spit_ on the sidewalk!"

A disgusted murmur flew around the room.

He continued. "Girls who wear tight slacks! Hysterectomy pants, I call them!"

More displeased murmurs.

"And if one of these creatures ever approach you on the street, you are to silently repeat to yourself the four B's you learn here at RSVP. And what are they children? The four B's!"

The entire audience cheered the four B's with Gordon. "Beauty! Brains! Breeding! Bounty!" The crowd applauded.

Gordon applauded with them. "Yes! Yes!"

...

Meanwhile, back with the Drapes...

Skulduggery drove the Bentley to the hottest Drape hot-spot – Turkey Point. He parked up and got out with the rest of the Cry Baby Gang.

Turkey Point had everything a Drape Gang could ever need. A stage to perform on, a dance floor, a swimming point at the lake, a cafe and even a make-out point!

In the car park where the Cry Baby Gang was walking through, there were a husband and wife. They were Squares, and not only that, they were strict church-goers. They always showed up in Turkey Point to try and convert the Drapes into God-following little Squares.

And they just so happened to be Ghastly's parents. They were not his real parents of course; his real parents died a long time ago. This couple were his foster parents of a very long time. However, Ghastly did not like them one little bit.

Ghastly's dad was shouting. "Teenagers everywhere! Repent! Let Jesus Christ be your Gang Leader! Get out of Turkey Point before it's too late!"

Just over the road from them was The Torment, well known Drape. Well known for being a raging pervert. He was taking photos of girls on his car, and paying them for their shots. Currently there was one ginger Drape girl sitting on his car bonnet in her pink swimsuit, posing with a beach ball.

The torment was speaking while taking the photos. "Oh! Take it easy, honey! I'm not getting any younger here, you know! Oh! That is what I call a real _Drape Shape_! Knockers up, Sweetheart! Oh! Here it is! Beautiful! Alright, here you go Honey-Pot." He handed her the money for the photos. "Thanks for the pictures."

The girl took her money and walked off, taking her beach ball with her.

"Mmm!" The Torment watched her as she walked away. He turned back round to the crowd of girls. "All right! Who's up? The Torment's art photography right here. Be a nudie cutie, make good money to bootie!"

A few girls walked past and cringed at him.

The Torment grinned at them. "Hey, I'm paying three bucks a shot! You got it, what the Hell, why not show it, right? Hey, you!" He pointed at China. "Yeah, you! The looker with the class A sealed beam headlights! You wanna pose for The Torment?"

China scowled at him. "Beat it, creep!"

Ghastly's parents were still shouting out their bible-talk through a megaphone to the crowd.

Ghastly's mother saw her son and his girlfriend and hissed. "There he is now! With that devil woman!"

Tanith knew she was talking about her, so she smiled as sweetly as she could. "Hi Mother Ghastly!"

Ghastly's father spoke through the megaphone. "Imagine our shame! Our only child and he carries illegal weapons, drives fast cars, and wears clothes honestly designed by homosexuals. But he knows better! Jesus is _still_ in his heart!"

Ghastly walked past them with the rest of his Gang. "Please Mum and Dad, go home! You're embarrassing me! I'm a teenager, I wanna live!"

The Cry Baby Gang were walking through the cafe, all the other Drapes who past, acknowledging them with a wave or a high five.

Clarabelle was sitting in the cafe with her friends. She had been sitting out in the sun with her pink bikini on, and on her leg, she had put on strips of tape that spelled out the initials of CB. She then allowed herself to get sunburnt, so that when she ripped off the tape she would have a red thigh with the white initials CB on her leg. She ripped off the tape and saw that it had worked – sort of.

She saw Skulduggery passing by and ran up to him in her little pink bikini. She stopped in front of him and posed in a way where she tried to show off all her curves.

Skulduggery saw her coming and tried to turn back and walk away, but it was too late. He just looked at her, embarrassed for her that she was barely dressed.

"Looks like somebody lost their laundry." Ghastly sniggered.

Clarabelle, showed Skulduggery her burnt thigh with the white CB on it. "Look Cry Baby! You've scorched me, man!"

Skulduggery was looking anywhere but at her legs. "Later, Clarabelle." He muttered.

"Oh, but Cry Baby! I need a date for tonight's Jukebox jamboree!"

"Well, I'm solo, Sugar."

Clarabelle played with her bikini bra straps. "Wanna see these gunboats? I _give_, Cry Baby! I give _bare second_ on the first date!"

Skulduggery got right up in Clarabelle's face. "Use your mentality to _cool down_!" He snapper. With that, he walked right past her.

China followed, walking past Clarabelle too. "Yeah, Clarabelle! Your bosoms aint nothing!"

Tanith followed, Ghastly at her side. "Better watch it Bozo! You might catch a cold!" She snorted.

Melancholia passed Clarabelle too. "My brother wouldn't touch your titties with a ten foot pole! He likes his women _bad_, Clarabelle. Not _cheap!"_

...

Meanwhile, back at the Square's RSVP talent show, Fletcher and the Whiffles were up to sing.

_Hey nonny ding dong, alang alang alang  
Boom ba-doh, ba-doo ba-doodle-ay_

All the girls in the room swooned as soon as they started to sing.

_Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)_  
_If I could take you up in paradise up above (sh-boom)_  
_If you would tell me I'm the only one that you love_  
_Life could be a dream, sweetheart_  
_(Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again)_

They were surely the most talented Square Band in all of Baltimore?

_Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)_  
_If only all my precious plans would come true (sh-boom)_  
_If you would let me spend my whole life lovin' you_  
_Life could be a dream, sweetheart_

Valkyrie watched them perform from backstage where she was getting ready to sing next.

_Now every time I look at you_  
_Something is on my mind (dat-dat-dat-dat-dat-duh)_  
_If you do what I want you to_  
_Baby, we'd be so fine!_

Gordon looked proudly up at Fletcher. He surely would make a fine husband one day for his Niece!

_Oh, life could be a dream (sh-boom)_  
_If I could take you up in paradise up above (sh-boom)_  
_If you would tell me I'm the only one that you love_  
_Life could be a dream, sweetheart_

Fletcher was the lead singer, Geoffrey, Scapegrace and Thrasher were the back-up singers.

_Sh-boom sh-boom Ya-da-da Da-da-da Da-da-da Da_  
_Sh-boom sh-boom Ya-da-da Da-da-da Da-da-da Da_  
_Sh-boom sh-boom Ya-da-da Da-da-da Da-da-da Da, sh-boom!_

_Sh-boom sh-boom Ya-da-da Da-da-da Da-da-da Da_  
_Sh-boom sh-boom Ya-da-da Da-da-da Da-da-da Da_  
_Sh-boom sh-boom Ya-da-da Da-da-da Da-da-da Da, sh-boom!_

Admittedly, Neither Fletcher or the Whiffles were good dancers... but at least they were trying...

_Every time I look at you_  
_Somethin' is on my mind_  
_If you do what I want you to_  
_Baby, we'd be so fine!_

Thrasher was really going to town with his dancing, throwing in the goofy facial expressions too!

_Life could be a dream_  
_If I could take you up in paradise up above_  
_If you would tell me I'm the only one that you love_  
_Life could be a dream, sweetheart_  
_(Hello hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again) boom sh-boom_

All the while Fletcher was singing, he was thinking about his beautiful girlfriend, Valkyrie, and how he would rather die than see her in the arms of a Drape.

_Hey nonny ding dong, alang alang alang (sh-boom)_  
_Ba-doh, ba-doo ba-doodle-ay_  
_Life could be a dream_  
_Life could be a dream, sweetheart!_

Valkyrie knew she was supposed to be focusing on her boyfriend singing, but all she could think of was how much she missed Skulduggery.

_Life could be a dream_  
_If only all my precious plans would come true_  
_If you would let me spend my whole life loving you_  
_Life could be a dream, sweetheart_

_(dee-oody-ooh, sh-boom, sh-boom)_  
_(dee-oody-ooh, sh-boom, sh-boom)_  
_(dee-oody-ooh, sh-boom, sh-boom)_  
_Sweetheart!_

Fletcher and the Whiffles finished the song and took their bows, the crowd applauded immensely.

Valkyrie smiled, now it would be her turn to sing!

**I literally can't stop writing this story! It's addictive! XD**

**If you still haven't watched "Cry Baby" - DO IT! ;) I joke I joke :)**

**Untill the next update :)**

**xoxo**


	93. Valduggery: Cry baby part 4

**Time for part 4. I hope you're all likeing it so far :)**

Meanwhile, over at Turkey Point, there was a little old fix-em-up type of houses that inhabited the owners of Turkey Point. These two people were business partners called Anton Shudder and Solomon Wreath, and they just so happened to be the legal guardians of Skulduggery Pleasant and Melancholia. They had felt bad when they heard the news of both of the kids being orphaned and having nowhere to go, so they invited them move in at Turkey Point. Now they were like some weird, alternate family, but they all loved each other anyway.

While Solomon Wreath was inside, on the shop floor of their house where they sold various bits and bobs, Anton Shudder was outside in the front yard... taking a bath in a little tin tub... out in the open...

Not that he or anyone else minded in the slightest.

So when the Cry Baby Gang strolled into the garden, no one was fazed at seeing Anton naked, having a bath outside.

Skulduggery grinned at him. "Anton!"

"Wow-wee!" Anton laughed. "You caught me in my birthday suit! _But-naked_!"

"Solomon!" Melancholia called out. "We're home!"

Solomon was inside with a customer, a nice young Drape man called Erskine Ravel. He was sitting down, playing darts when Erskine came up to him holding a gun muffler he wanted to buy.

Erskine held the muffler up to Solomon. "How much?"

Solomon looked up at him. "That muffler? Erskine, for _you_... fifteen bucks, take it or leave it."

Erskine frowned. "Come on, Solomon! Ten! This things hotter than a pistol!"

Solomon stood up from his chair and got in Erskine's face. "You guys wanna do business with Solomon Wreath, or would you rather shop at Sears?" He threw the last dart at the dartboard, it barely missing Erskine. "Now give me the bread and keep your trap shut!"

Erskine shook his head at him and handed him the money. "You're a hard man."

"I'm gonna see you in Hell, Erskine!" Solomon snapped. Then suddenly he burst into fits of laughter, signalling he was only joking around. "Go on! Get outta here!"

Erskine grinned at him and ran out of the shop floor. Two little kids saw him and ran outside with him, holding up their toy guns at him pretending to have a shoot out with him. This little boy and little girl just so happened to be Melancholia's children that she had of a young age. Like the baby she was currently carrying, they were both Caelan's too.

Melancholia saw her kids with Erskine and went over to them. "You been bothering Solomon all day? He has customers."

"Hell no!" Anton called from his bath tub. "They helped me steal a car!"

The little boy smiled at his mum. "It's a 51 old, it's _really_ cool!"

Melancholia pinched his cheek. "That's my little Snare-Drum!" – No really, that was his name!

The little girl was smiling too. "And Ma! I swiped six hub-caps like a big girl!"

Melancholia laughed. "Way to go Susie-Q!" – Also her real name too!

Snare-Drum and Susie-Q ran over to Tanith.

"Make those monster faces, Hatchet-Face!" Snare-Drum begged.

"Please!" Susie-Q pleaded.

Tanith grinned and started to pull scary faces with her hideous features, making monster noises, and chased the two kids around the garden.

At that moment, Solomon jumped out of the front door to the house, brandishing a gun. He made a shot at a gofer that was running across the garden.

He growled. "God damn gofers digging up my front yard!" He looked over at the Cry Baby Gang. "What are you teenagers waiting for? Turkey Point is open for business! Let's celebrate! Ye-haw!"

The rest of the Gang cheered and ran into the house with her and the newly cleaned and clothed Anton Shudder.

Anton was beckoning them all into the house's game room. "Come on! Come on, everybody! Come on in!"

Everybody rushed in and took a seat at various places around the room.

Anton grinned at them. He put a hand on Solomon's shoulder. "Today's a special day for me and Solomon! We've been business partners for ten whole years!"

Everyone whooped and cheered vigorously.

"Oh, I'm just so proud of all my Drape children!" Solomon shouted. He looked at China and walked over to her. "Oh, China, sure is pretty in them tight clothes, all painted up like trash!"

"I wish you and Anton were _my_ parents!" China grinned.

Solomon laughed and turned to face Ghastly. "Now, Ghastly, boy you are everything a man should be. You're young, stupid and _mean_!"

Ghastly beamed at her over his comic book that he was reading. "Were gonna play some cool music for you tonight, Solomon."

Solomon looked over at Tanith. "And Hatchet-Face. Oh, Honey. You're just like me! Now you put the T in Tough! So hard that you could have been eating nails for breakfast!" he put a hand on her shoulder. "But that's the way a woman's got to be these days."

Tanith put her hand on Solomon's arm. "I'd kick a Square's arse for you in a _minute_, Mr Wreath!"

Solomon stepped back and threw his arms up in the air. "Oh! This is the best day my Cry Baby could ever have!"

Melancholia looked over at Solomon. "Solomon, I'm so happy all knocked up! I wish I was having _triplets_!"

Solomon smiled at her. "Well, we got a little surprise for your youngen in your oven." He looked over at Anton. "You show her, Anton."

"Sure will." Anton nodded. He walked over to the other side of the room, the rest following him. He pulled on a little skull lever hanging from the ceiling, and a homemade baby high-chair made out of bones and animal fur, adorned with little girly ribbons and flowers was lowered down. It looked like it had just come from an episode of "The Flintstones".

Skulduggery laughed. "Aw! Melancholia, aint that _cute_!"

"It's beautiful, Solomon!" Melancholia gasped.

While the rest of the Gang was admiring the high-chair, Solomon and Anton took Skulduggery aside.

"Cry Baby," Solomon smiled. "When you was a boy, you had to be the man of this 'family'."

"But I taught you how to dress, didn't I, Cry Baby?" Anton nudged his shoulder.

"You sure did, Anton." Skulduggery replied.

Solomon continued. "Yeah, well, you're the future now, boy!" He gripped onto Skulduggery's leather jacket lapels. "You're the only future for this God-forsaken family! Now I want you to go out there tonight and sing, boy! I want you to sing your heart out!" He looked over at Anton. "You can show him now, Anton."

Anton nodded and ran over to the far wall. He turned a dial on the wall and like a secret passageway, the wall with the bar attached to it swung round, revealing what was on the other side: a brand new, shiny red motorbike – just for Skulduggery!

"This took a _lot_ of hub-caps, Cry Baby!" Solomon laughed.

Skulduggery saw the bike and for a second it looked like he might cry for real. But then he laughed and walked over to the bike to inspect it. He ran his hands over it, admiring the beautiful thing. By now everyone else had gathered round to stare at the motorbike, all _ooh-ing_ and _ahh-ing_.

Skulduggery got on the bike and looked at his 'family'. "Solomon, Anton, you've made me the happiest juvenile delinquent in Baltimore! And guess what?" He revved the engine of the bike. "I met a girl!"

**The best is yet to come :)**

**xoxo**


	94. Valduggery: Cry baby part 5

**I present to you, part 5 :)**

**Obviously I don't own any of the songs used in this part :)**

**Enjoy!**

Back at the Square's RSVP talent show, Valkyrie was up on stage singing.

_My friends all know it  
How I adore him  
I whisper to angels  
What I'd do for him  
He is the answer  
To a teenage prayer _

Fletcher watched her sing, eyes glued to her, bopping his head along with the music.

_He won't go steady  
The crowd has told me  
But I keep waiting  
To have him hold me  
Why won't you listen  
To a teenage prayer? _

By this point, Fletcher looked like he was having a boner.

_I await by the window at seven  
And chill when my thrill passes by _

Fletcher looked at Valkyrie and imagined her in a wedding dress as his bride one day...

_His kiss could send me to heaven _

Valkyrie looked at Fletcher and the Whiffles. They all turned into visions of Skulduggery.

_Into his arms I would fly _

Meanwhile, while all this was going on, Skulduggery was on his motorbike on his way over to the Squares RSVP talent show...

_My girlfriend Betty tells me he's lazy  
But I know Betty loves him like crazy  
He is the answer  
To a teenage prayer _

_Yes  
He is the answer  
To a teenage prayer_

Before Valkyrie could finish her song, the bomb sirens went off all over town. This was only a drill but everybody still took it very seriously and panicked, ducking under the tables.

Gordon had to bring some calmness back to the situation, so he stood up on stage and gave out orders. "Boys! Girls! This is... This is unfortunately a red alert. So please take your duck and cover positions immediately! It is only an air raid drill, there are no atom bombs actually being dropped!"

Fletcher took Valkyrie's hand and dragged her to safety, hiding under the piano.

He looked at her. "You were _incredible_, honey! Where did you learn to sing like that?"

Valkyrie smiled. "Just practising."

Fletcher kissed her but she hastily pushed him off of her.

She cringed. "Fletcher!"

The drill sirens began to die down, and Gordon was the first to get back up from underneath the table. He stood up and smiled. "Alright, boys and girls. That's the all clear signal. You can come out now."

Everyone got out from under the tables and Valkyrie and Fletcher got out from under the piano. Everyone retired to their normal places like good little Squares.

Gordon continued. "Everyone is safe and sound!"

Outside of Gordon's mansion, Skulduggery was sitting on his motorbike looking at the huge house. People inside started to be able to hear the rumble of the engine and became alarmed again. All of the girls ran over to the window and looked out, squealing with excitement when they saw the gorgeous Skulduggery Pleasant outside. Even the boys started to run over to the windows to take a look!

"Stay in your places!" Gordon instructed. "Stay in your places!" But no one listened to him. Eventually he had to go over to the window as well to take a look.

Fletcher looked sternly at his band members. "Whiffles!" He instructed for them to follow him.

They all watched Skulduggery get off his bike.

Gordon pushed to the front of the window. "Make some room!" He snapped.

Skulduggery fixed his hair and his... 'package', making the girls squeal again.

Valkyrie pushed through to the window and looked out, her heart thumping erratically. Skulduggery looked at her and smiled. Valkyrie blushed and hid her face behind the curtain. She peeked back out at him and saw the single tear rolling down his cheek. She sighed wistfully at him.

Skulduggery began to make his way up to the front door, scraping the heels of his boots across the concrete as he went. Valkyrie followed Gordon as he hurried to the front door. Gordon opened the door and stormed out to face Skulduggery followed by Fletcher and the Whiffles and Valkyrie.

Skulduggery looked up at Gordon. "I'm sorry about this afternoon Mr Gordon Edgley. Is Valkyrie home? Because, um, I'm gonna sing tonight and I thought she might like to hear me."

Upon hearing this, Fletcher ran forward with his drink. He threw the glass of water over Skulduggery who shrieked at the prospect of his hair getting wet.

"Fletcher!" Gordon shouted. "Mind your manners!"

Fletcher got up in Skulduggery's face. "This is what we think of your type of music!" Then he punched Skulduggery in the stomach, laughing as he watched him double over in pain.

Valkyrie was seething at Fletcher. Gordon had to hold her back. "How dare you hit him!" She snapped. "You don't _own_ me, Fletcher! I have the right to hear Cry Baby sing!"

Fletcher turned to look at Valkyrie. "Don't get all worked up, Honey. The punk got what he deserved!"

At that point, Skulduggery grabbed Fletcher by the scruff. He turned the blonde-haired-Square around and punched him right in the face. Fletcher fell back and the Whiffles had to catch him and give him support.

Skulduggery outstretched his hand to Valkyrie. "Come on!"

Valkyrie grinned and took his hand, letting him lead her to his motorbike.

Gordon ran after her. "Valkyrie! Valkyrie!"

"Hop on, Honey." Skulduggery smiled at her.

He got on and so did she behind him, her arms around his waist.

Gordon persisted. "Just one minute, young lady!"

Skulduggery looked up at Gordon. "Listen, I'll take good care of her Mr Gordon Edgley, I _promise_. And its okay about my face, it don't hurt much."

"Please!" Valkyrie begged. "It's not a school night, and I've been a good girl! Just one night of happiness, that's _all_ I ask!"

Gordon bit his lip, nervously. "But... what if you get your dress dirty?"

Valkyrie beamed at him. "Thank you, Uncle Gordon!"

Without wasting another second, Skulduggery revved the motorbike engine, and they were off, speeding down the road and out of sight.

**Let me know what you though of it :)**

**xoxo**


	95. Valduggery: Cry baby part 6

**Hey m'dears, here's more from** **the Cry Baby Gang!**

**There is another lovely little song in her the I do not own:)**

**Enjoy!**

At Turkey Point, a party was starting. Couples danced together trying to be better than the rest. Skulduggery was riding, with Valkyrie on the back, up to Turkey Point. Thunder sounded above them and Skulduggery prayed that it wouldn't rain and ruin his hair. Valkyrie was enjoying herself already, and it wasn't just because she had her arms around Skulduggery. Clarabelle was standing around at Turkey Point, checking out all the men on the dance floor, keeping an eye out for Skulduggery.

It was during a slow dance at the Turkey Point party that Skulduggery and Valkyrie pulled up on the motorbike. Melancholia saw her brother arrive and clicked her fingers to the other Cry Baby Girls to follow her over to Skulduggery.

Skulduggery helped Valkyrie off the motorbike. "You okay?" He asked her. "I didn't get no axel grease on you did I?"

Valkyrie smiled at him. "No, no I'm fine."

"You been to Turkey Point before?"

"My Uncle wouldn't let me." Valkyrie cringed a little. "He calls it the 'Red-Neck-Rivera'."

"It's where I live." Skulduggery said proudly, almost nostalgically. "Beautiful, aint it?"

Valkyrie nodded. "It's really wild." She saw Tanith, Melancholia and China walking over to her and panicked a little. She looked up at Skulduggery. "But, I'm... I'm afraid I'm not gonna fit in here. You know, with your friends and stuff."

Skulduggery looked at her seriously for a second. "You're cool, Valkyrie. You just _look_ Square. Underneath it all I think you're really _hip_!"

The Cry Baby Girls stopped in front of Skulduggery and Valkyrie.

"Well, what have we here?" Tanith said.

"First Square to ever set foot in Turkey Point!" China added.

Melancholia smiled at Valkyrie. "Hey _fine mama_ welcome to the Jukebox Jamboree!" She high fived Tanith and China.

Skulduggery nodded his head in the direction of the girls. "These are the Cry Baby Girls." He pointed at the dark-haired-beauty. "That's China."

China winked at Valkyrie. "Dig it, babe, you need a new look!"

Tanith frowned at Valkyrie. "Don't you got tits? Stick 'em out for God's sake!"

Skulduggery nodded at Tanith. "That's Hatchet-Face, she don't mean no harm."

Melancholia grinned at Valkyrie. "First thing a Cry Baby Girl learns, our bosoms are out _weapons_!"

Skulduggery pointed at his sister. "That Melancholia is pregnant, but she can fight like a man!"

Valkyrie looked at her and no doubted that Melancholia could _indeed_ fight like a man!

"I wouldn't be caught dead in a full skirt." China snorted.

"Hey, Girls." Melancholia looked at the others. "What do you think? Let's give Valkyrie here a bad girl beauty makeover!" She looked at Valkyrie. "You _game_?"

"Sure!" Valkyrie tried to say as confidently as possible and strolled over to stand with the Cry Baby Girls. She looked at them and stuck out her chest and pouted. "Think I got what it _takes_?"

The three girls looked at her chest. "Whoa-ho-ho!" They all chorused.

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie seriously again for a moment. "You got it, Valkyrie! You got it _raw_!"

Valkyrie was taken off the get her makeover and Skulduggery had to go off to prepare for the show.

. . .

Back up on the Turkey Point stage, Solomon Wreath was speaking into the microphone, introducing the Cry Baby Gang to the stage now that they were all ready and prepared backstage.

Solomon shouted out to the masses. "Hey, hey, hey! Dig it all you hip cats and cool chicks! You know me, Solomon Wreath!"

The crowd of Drapes clapped and cheered.

He continued. "Now let me introduce to you, the Cry Baby Combo! Ghastly! Melancholia! China! Hatchet-Face!"

The four of them ran from backstage onto the stage and picked up their instruments. The crowd was still screaming and whooping. Ghastly was on the cello, Tanith was on the saxophone, China was playing the triangle and Melancholia was on the drums. They started to strum a beat.

Susie-Q and Snare-Drum waved to their mummy on stage. Melancholia blew them a kiss back.

Solomon carried on with his introduction. "And now, the baddest baby of them all! The man you came here for! The big boo-hoo! The _terrible teardrop_! Oh! Ladies and Gentlemen, my boy, Cry Baby!"

He ran off the stage and went to stand with Anton at the front of the audience. Cry Baby walked through the curtains and the crowd went wild. Then they saw the beautiful, newly-made-over Valkyrie Cain at his side accompanying him onto the stage and they cheered even more at her new Drape look. The only person who didn't cheer was Clarabelle who scowled and crossed her arms. Skulduggery pointed to where Anton and Solomon where standing in the front of the audience, telling her it was okay for her to stand with them. She nodded her head and went to stand with the two men, who were more than welcoming to her.

Skulduggery walked up to the microphone and picked up his guitar.

And then he started to sing!

_Well, one for all and all for one  
And all we want is to have some fun  
Owh, squares beware of our property  
Yeah, if you're lookin' to rumble  
You're lookin' at me  
'Cause I'm the king (king cry-baby)_

Susie-Q and Snare-Drum were dancing along in the audience.

_'Cause I'm king (king cry-baby)  
Yeah, I'm the king (king cry-baby)  
A king cry-baby with a tear in my eye  
and if you mess with the king, you're gonna cry, baby cry  
Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry, wow!_

Clarabelle took off her French undies she was wearing and threw them at Skulduggery. They landed on Skulduggery's shoe. He cringed and kicked them away from him, which didn't impress Clarabelle in the slightest.

_Well, I was born on the wrong side of the tracks  
In the backseat of a stolen Cadillac  
I had my first cigarette before I could walk  
And I was strummin' this guitar before I could talk _

Caelan winked at Melancholia from where he was standing in the audience. He truly loved her more than anything else in the world.

_'Cause I'm the king (king cry-baby)  
Yeah, I'm the king (king cry-baby)  
Oh, I'm the king (king cry-baby)  
A king cry-baby with a tear in my eye  
If you mess with the king, you're gonna cry, baby cry  
Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry_

Now it was time for Tanith's saxophone solo – and she _rocked_ it!

_Well, I'm a lonely king who needs a queen  
Yeah, you're the sweetest hunk of sugar that I've ever seen  
Ain't got a ring or crown for you  
Well, if I had your love  
I'd lose these cry-baby blues _

Skulduggery pointed at Valkyrie and beckoned for her to join him on stage. After a bit of persuasion from Anton and Solomon, she finally got up on the stage and began to sing with Skulduggery.

_She's the queen, she's the queen, she's the queen  
well, let people talk, I don't care  
let me prove to you daddy that I ain't no square  
You'll be my queen and I'll be your king  
yeah, but if you leave my hive, you're gonna feel my sting  
'Cause you're my queen (queen cry-baby)  
You're the king (king cry-baby)  
King and Queen (cry-cry baby)  
A king cry-baby with my queen by my side  
and if you mess with us man, you're gonna cry, baby cry  
Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry  
cry Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry  
cry Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry _

_A king cry-baby with my queen by my side  
and if you mess with us man, you're gonna cry, baby cry  
Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry  
cry Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry  
cry Baby cry, baby cry, baby cry_

After the song was over the crowd cheered and applauded like crazy. Everyone on stage took their bows. Skulduggery grinned at Valkyrie. He put an arm around her waist and kissed her on the cheek making her blush.

After that, Skulduggery had plans to take Valkyrie to the make-out-point...

**Waiting to hear your thoughts :)**

**xoxo**


	96. Valduggery: Cry baby part 7

**I give to you, part 7. It's probably the funniest part in the whole film! XD**

**I hope you like it :)**

Skulduggery and Valkyrie were lying down on a picnic blanket on make-out-point. It was dark outside and all the stars were twinkling in the sky. Skulduggery was stroking Valkyrie's cheek, making her blush more than ever.

He began to kiss her cheek, then he pulled away from her breathing heavily.

"Kiss me!" He whispered. "Kiss me _hard_!"

Valkyrie crushed her lips to his with urgency, but quickly broke it off. Skulduggery looked at her with bewilderment.

She looked at him through her eyelashes, embarrassed. "I've never given a French kiss before." She admitted.

Skulduggery almost laughed. "Well, watch, it's easy. You just... open your mouth..." He licked her top lip. "...And I open mine..." He licked her bottom lip. "...And we wiggle our tongues together..." He licked her tongue. "And it feels _real sexy_!"

"I won't get mononucleosis, will I?" Valkyrie asked, nervously.

"No, Valkyrie. Just try it. If you don't like it, I promise I'll stop."

Valkyrie had heard enough. Once again, her lips met Skulduggery and she had her first French kiss.

Back at the Jukebox Jamboree everyone was getting their fair share of French kisses, although not everyone was as good a teacher as Skulduggery...

What none of the Drapes knew, that was while all this 'socialising' was going on; the Squares had snuck into Turkey Point and were vandalising the Drape's cars. Written over Skulduggery's Bentley in white paint was the words "DRAPES MUST DIE!" On another car was "I HATE DRAPES!" This whole little camaraderie was being led by Fletcher and the Whiffles.

"Break the window!" One boy shouted.

Fletcher saw Skulduggery's beautiful motorbike standing in the car park all pretty and he laughed, thinking up awful plans of what to do to it.

Back at make-out-point, Skulduggery was on top of Valkyrie, the French kissing continuing at a fast pace. His hand's started to wander, making it all the way up to her breasts. Automatically she pulled his hand away, regretting it instantly.

Skulduggery broke of the kiss and looked at her, panting. "I'm sorry, Valkyrie. It's just that you're _so beautiful!"_

"I want to let you, but I can't. For my parent's sake." She sat up and looked into his eyes. "Cry Baby, they're both dead, I'm an orphan."

"I'm sorry, Valkyrie." Skulduggery gulped. "But no wonder we're together, Honey. I'm an orphan too."

Valkyrie's eyes widened. "You are?"

"Yes." He looked at her. "And orphans have... _special needs_!"

She smiled at him and put his hand back to where it had been before she pulled it away. "Just on the outside of the shirt, okay?"

"Is it okay with you?"

"Yes." She laid back down and pulled him onto her again. "Oh, yes!"

Skulduggery began to kiss her neck.

Valkyrie continued, her mind slightly scrambled from the way Skulduggery was kissing her. "My parents were... they were good people... and... and they loved me..."

Skulduggery pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. "I want you. I need you. I love you too, Valkyrie!" He immediately went back to passionately kissing her neck.

Still – no matter how distracting Skulduggery was – she carried on with her story. "They had to go on a business trip together... it was their first aeroplane ride ... oh, Cry Baby, your fingers feel so _good_!"

Skulduggery murmured against her skin. "I've been saving it up for a girl like you, Honey!" And went back to kissing her neck.

"Mummy and Daddy took separate planes for safety... you know... in case one plane crashed I'd still have a living parent... but, Cry Baby, both planes crashed and I never saw my parents alive again!"

Right then, there was a crack of thunder and a bolt of lightning came down, hitting a nearby tree, making it crash to the ground. Both Skulduggery and Valkyrie yelped in alarm.

Then, Skulduggery realised it was only lightning and he was seething with rage. He jumped to his feet and threw his arms up in the air in frustration.

"God damn!" He yelled. "Lightning!"

"What's the matter, Cry Baby?" Valkyrie asked him from where she was sitting.

"Everything's the matter!" He snapped.

"It's just a thunderstorm! Heat! Lightning! It's sexy!"

"It's not sexy! Electricity makes me _INSANE_!"

"Why, Cry Baby, why?"

"Here's why." He ripped open his shirt, revealing a tattoo of an electric chair on his toned chest. "Electricity killed my parents!"

Valkyrie gasped. "They died in the electric chair?"

"That's right, Valkyrie. My father was the Alphabet Bomber." He sat back down beside her. "He may have been crazy, but he was my Pap. Only one I ever had."

"God." Valkyrie whispered. "I heard about the Alphabet Bomber! Bombs exploding in the airport, in barbershops!"

"That's right! All in alphabetical order! Carwash... Drugstore... I used to lay in my cradle and hear him scream in his sleep: A... B... C... D... E... F...G... BANG! BANG!"

"But, you're mum?" Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery stood up again in aggravation. "My mother tried to stop him! She couldn't even spell for Christ's sake but they fried her too! But I'll pay them all back, Valkyrie. And that's why every day I've got to do something rotten for my parent's sake, and I'll _cry_ for what I have to do!" Slowly, he sat back down beside her again. "But not much though. One single salty tear... is all they'll ever suck out of this _Cry Baby."_

A single tear rolled down his cheek and Valkyrie brushed it away for him with her tongue. Then he guided her back down to the ground by her shoulders and started kissing her again...

**This is a lot hotter when it's Johnny Depp teaching the girl how to French kiss... ;) LOL!**

**Untill the next update, m'dears :)**

**xoxo**


	97. Valduggery: Cry baby part 8

**Presenting to you part eight :)  
**

**By the way, you're going to have to imagine the impossible and beleive that Fletcher could actually beat up Ghastly. I know, impossible! But trust me, just roll with it :)**

**I hope you like it! (Beware for an overly cheesy line from Skulduggery towars the end!) :)**

What Skulduggery and Valkyrie didn't know, was that while they had been getting 'better acquainted' the Squares had stolen Skulduggery's motorbike, taken it to the top of the hill that overlooked the Jukebox Jamboree, and were now setting it alight. They pushed it down the hill and it crashed into the Jamboree party, making all the Drapes panic.

Melancholia had seen the flaming bike as it was coming at them and yelled out to Skulduggery. "CRRRYYY BAAAABBBYYY!"

Skulduggery pulled away from Valkyrie upon hearing his name and looked over at the hill overlooking Turkey Point and watched as his beautiful bike crashed into the party in flames. He was on his feet like in a flash, growling with rage.

The bike zoomed across the dance floor and crashed into the jukebox, making it explode, sparks flying everywhere. The Drapes were horrified. The bike just lay on the floor in flames.

The Squares all charged down the hill, led by Fletcher and the Whiffles, and they ambushed Turkey Point. Fights broke out all over the place. Boys and girls everywhere, beating the life out of one another. Fletcher went straight for Ghastly, punching him several times in the gut.

Susie-Q and Snare-Drum saw Fletcher beating up Ghastly and got out their toy guns. Susie-Q fired a toy dart at Fletcher's head and it stuck to him. She poked her tongue out at him and ran off with her brother.

However, now Fletcher wanted revenge on the two little kids, so he went after them. He grabbed them both by the scruff and lifted them into the air. Solomon saw this and he snarled at Fletcher with rage. He picked up a dustbin lid that was lying on the floor and chucked it at his head. Fletcher dropped the kids and fainted.

Susie-Q and Snare-Drum kicked him a few times before running away.

Sanctuary police cars started to pull up at Turkey Point; however, no one really noticed them and just carried on fighting. Skulduggery saw one on his fellow Drapes being beaten up by two Squares and he ran over to help him, kicking the other two Squares senseless.

Skulduggery ran with Valkyrie through the crowds of fighting gangs, pushing down anyone who got in his way. Clarabelle ran towards him, arms outstretched, but he just pushed her down too. Valkyrie felt bad for her and stopped to help her up.

Clarabelle looked up at Valkyrie. "I'm going to have his baby."

Valkyrie felt like a knife had just been plunged through her chest. She left Clarabelle where she was and ran off to find Skulduggery to yell at him.

However Skulduggery was in the remains of the Jukebox Jamboree. He saw his poor motorbike lying on the floor, no longer on fire, but blackened by the flames. Again, he could have cried for real.

Valkyrie was about to run over to Skulduggery, until she heard her voice being called from somewhere behind her. She turned around and saw Fletcher lying on the floor, just coming back to the realms of consciousness.

"Valkyrie!" He called to her, putting on a fake 'frail' voice.

Valkyrie gasped and ran to him. "Oh my God! What have they done to you?"

Fletcher kneeled up and took her hand. "Valkyrie, come home! They beat me and kicked me... all because I love you!"

However, not everyone was putting on this fake little show like Fletcher. Others were actually fighting, even Tanith and China, who were beating a couple of Squares senseless, even taking the time to look at their selves in their hand mirrors in between punches to check that their makeup hadn't smudged.

One Square was choking Melancholia. Caelan saw this and ran over to them, punching the Square in the face. He took Melancholia in his arms and kissed her passionately.

While all this fighting was going on, Skulduggery was still standing, looking at his bike. Slowly he picked it up off the floor and got on it. He kick-started it, amazed that it actually still worked. He looked out over the crowd of people and saw Valkyrie and Fletcher. Fletcher was kneeling on the ground, holding Valkyrie's hand.

Skulduggery went ballistic.

He revved the engine and tore through the crowd, stopping at Valkyrie's side.

"Get on!" He said to her, sternly.

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery, then down at Fletcher.

Fletcher said in a pleading tone: "Don't do it, Valkyrie."

But for Valkyrie there was really no doubt in her mind who she should go with. She loved Skulduggery. So she let go of Fletcher's hand and hopped on the bike behind Skulduggery. Skulduggery put the bike in gear and drove off with Valkyrie, leaving Fletcher lying in the mud.

"NOOOOOO!" Fletcher wailed and dramatically fell back down onto the ground.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie thought they were going to make it. They thought they could escape. But unfortunately, at the Turkey Point entrance were six cleavers all holding their sheaths at them.

They were going to get arrested, evidently. All the Drapes were. The Squares were taken aside and their wounds were adhered to by the ambulances that had turned up, and all the Drapes were being carted off in high-security vans by the Cleavers to the Sanctuary.

As the Drapes were being taken away, they all chanted their Gang Anthem:

_Too smart to work!_

_Too cool to care!_

_Come to Turkey Point, man, if you dare!_

Fletcher saw Valkyrie struggling as the Cleavers were trying to put her in the Van. Beside her in a different van, other Cleavers were trying to shove Skulduggery into the vehicle too.

Fletcher shouted out to them. "Wait! Let her go! She's with me! Her name's Valkyrie and she's a nice girl!"

Skulduggery fought against the Cleavers and reached out to take Valkyrie's hand.

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery shouted over the roar of the crowd. "I'm sorry to get you locked up! But tonight... well... you were the _coolest date I ever had_!"

Valkyrie looked at him, frowning slightly, fighting off the Cleavers too. "But, Cry Baby, who was that girl? Why didn't you tell me you already had a lady friend?"

"Hey, Clarabelle aint nothing to me, I swear on my daddy's grave!" And it was the complete truth as well. He had never even gotten _close_ to Clarabelle. Before he was shoved into the back of the van he shouted his last words to Valkyrie. "I'M BURNING INSIDE TO TOUCH _YOU_ BABY!"

And then he was pushed into the back of the Van, and Valkyrie was pushed into the other. All of the Drapes were being taken to the Sanctuary to stand in front of the courts.

Things were not looking good.

**Did you spot the overly-cheesy line? ;)**

**Part nine will be up soon :)**

**xoxo**


	98. Valduggery: Cry baby part 9

**Hello my lovelys! How are you all? I trust that you're all well? Well, I hope you are anyway :)**

**Here we are with part nine XD**

**Just two things to bare in mind:**

**- Don't forget that Ghastly's parents are only his foster parents and that they were the church-goers who crashed Turkey Point. Also, don't forget that Tanith's (Hatchet-Face's) parents are that couple that owned the cigetete stall opposire the Sanctuary.**

**- There is one use of strong bad language in this chapter, so make sure you're age appropriate :)**

**Enjoy!**

Gordon Edgley was _not_ impressed upon being called into the Sanctuary Court in the middle of the night through his niece's doings. He was not impressed _at all._ He pulled up outside the courtroom in his white Cadillac, gingerly getting out of it and trying to sneak inside the building without being seen.

However, _everyone_ saw him and started snapping photos of him

"Mr Gordon Edgley! Picture please?"

He held his hands up to hide his face. "Please, no pictures!" He ran inside the courtroom and luckily for him, the paparazzi couldn't follow. He went inside and sat down with the other kid's parents, who – despite their children were Drapes – were also Squares like him. Some of them were even playing cards!

At that moment, the Cry Baby Gang, plus Valkyrie, Solomon and Anton were roughly ushered into the courtroom to stand in front of the judge. The honourable judge: Madame Mist. Gordon caught Valkyrie's eye and mouthed at her to _fix her hair_ which was all messy from the hectic night she'd had. China's parents looked up from their card game and waved at her, but China pretended not to notice them.

Madame Mist banged her gavel. "Order! Order in this courtroom!" Her eyes skimmed over the Cry Baby Gang in from of her. "What a sad vision of today's youth! The juvenile authorities have had it with Drape Gangs!"

Gordon looked like he might faint at the thought of Valkyrie being part of a Drape Gang.

Madame mist continued. "Ghastly Bespoke. China Sorrows. Tanith Low – also known as 'Hatchet-Face'. You are _blights _on this community! Are the parents here?"

Ghastly's Square foster parents – the ones who were preaching earlier on that day at Turkey Point – stood up.

"Yes your Honour." Ghastly's dad said. "We've been praying all night for our son."

"Praying so hard we got _headaches!" _His mother hissed.

Ghastly didn't even look at his foster parents, he was so embarrassed of them.

China's dad – who was a Square – stood up. "Hi, China, Honey!"

Her mother – who was also a Square stood up too. "You were on the _radio_!"

China turned around to her parents in frustration. "Would you just get me the fuck outta here?"

China's mother turned to her father. "What's _fuck_ mean, dear?"

China's father laughed. "Oh, Honey, it's just a teen nonsense word China uses to make herself feel all _grown up_!"

China's mother chuckled. She turned to Madame Mist. "Your honour, could we take China the _FUCK_ home?"

Everyone in the courtroom burst into fits of laughter apart from Madame Mist who was furious and China who was _mortified_!

Madame Mist started to bang her gavel again. "Oh! Order! Order in this courtroom!"

Upon hearing the foul language, Ghastly's mother started to speak in tongues as if to shield herself from the sinful words. She almost looked like she was having a fit.

Ghastly's father was on his feet again, pointing at his wife. "You hear that, your honour? It's a sign! She's speaking in tongues! God's in her Gullet! And he's in yours too!" He turned to his wife. "Let 'em out! Let the words of the Saviour be heard!" He put his arms around his wife and shifted her so that she was sitting on his lap. He was trying to sooth her to make her quiet.

Madame Mist banged her gavel _yet again_. "Order! Order! No wonder your children are in trouble!" He looked at Tanith. "And you? Miss Low? By the way, that's a shame about your face."

Tanith glared at him. "There's nothing the matter with my face! I got character!"

Madame Mist arched an eyebrow at here. "I see that your parent's haven't taken the trouble to come and get you?"

The doors at the back of the courtroom opened and in entered Tanith's mother and father – both Drapes – who were the people selling cigarettes outside the Sanctuary earlier on today.

"Oh yes we did!" Tanith's father snapped. He was wheeling Tanith's mother in on a contraption formally known as an 'iron lung'. It was a device used when one of your lungs collapsed and it involved you to lay down horizontally inside this long iron tube which rested on a trolley type of mechanism, with only you head sticking out one end so you could breathe, and you were on wheels so you could be pushed about everywhere.

Tanith groaned when she saw them.

Her father looked at her. "You happy now, Tanith? Huh? You finally did it! You put your own mother in an _iron lung!"_

Despite the fact one of her lungs had collapsed from all the smoking she did, Tanith's mother still had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth at that very moment.

"Ms!" Madame Mist glared at Tanith's mother. "There is no smoking in this courtroom!"

Tanith's father took out the cigarette from her mouth and put it in his own.

Tanith's mother began to talk in a scratchy voice. "Why not? I pay taxes on cigarettes, don't I? And what do I get for those taxes? Happiness? HELLO NO! I GET TERBURKULOSIS!" One of her trolley tires exploded and she sunk down unevenly on one side. "Ah, Christ! Now I got a flat tire!"

Tanith's father started to fix the flat tire before he was yelled at to do it.

Madame Mist stood up and looked at Ghastly, China and Tanith. "I am going to release these delinquents to their parent's custody. And if they were mine... I'd give them a _bare-arsed whipping_!"

China's mother giggled at the swear word used, despite her unintentionally bad language earlier.

"Oh they can sing your honour!" Solomon stepped forward. "You should hear 'em! It's new! It's exciting!"

Anton nodded vigorously. "We don't know what to call it! It sorta _rocks_ man! It _spins_! Let me throw words at you... it _twirls_! It _twirls_!"

Madame Mist looked at Solomon and Anton. "Solomon Wreath and Anton Shudder, I find you guilty of disturbing the peace and I fine the both of you, one thousand dollars."

Solomon was horrified. "But... that's all we have!"

"How are we supposed to live?" Anton grumbled.

Susie-Q frowned at Madam Mist and spit-balled her. It got her right in between the eyes.

Madame Mist growled in anger. She pointed at Susie-Q and Snare-Drum. "Damn you! Handcuff those _brats_!"

"Don't touch my children!" Melancholia snapped, furiously. She was going to jump to their aid, but suddenly she was being restrained by a Cleaver, and just had to watch as her two little children were handcuffed.

Madame Mist looked at Melancholia. "And you, Melancholia, I am going to have your two children put in the custody of the 'Chatterbox Orphanage', until they are adopted by God-fearing parents, who will at least give them Christian names!"

"Not my children!" Melancholia screamed, trying to fight off the Cleaver and get to her kids. "They're my flesh and blood! They're all I have!"

Madame Mist called in the Orphanage Owner. "Mrs Tadlock!"

A witchy old woman came scuttling into the room. She looked up at Madame Mist with expectant eyes. Madame Mist nodded at the two children and Mrs Tadlock ran over to them immediately. She grabbed them both by the scruffs of their necks and hauled them away, out of the courtroom, ignoring how much they screamed and cried. The Cry Baby Gang were shouting and protesting like mad, but to no avail.

"I love you, children!" Melancholia screamed as her kids were whisked away.

Madame Mist banged her gavel for what must have been the hundredth time. "Skulduggery Pleasant!"

Skulduggery stopped fighting against the Cleaver's holding him back.

Madame Mist continued. "Better known as _Cry Baby_. What a _sad_ and _silly_ name for a young man. You were the ring leader in tonight's Gang War."

Valkyrie looked back, desperately, to her Uncle Gordon. "Uncle Gordon, help him!" She begged. "We were just singing together!"

Gordon saw the anguished look in Valkyrie's eyes and knew he had to help her and Skulduggery but he didn't know how to.

"Madame Mist, let Valkyrie go and I'll take the full blame!" Skulduggery blurted out. He turned to look at Gordon. "I didn't mean no harm Mr Gordon Edgley. I may be a Drape, but I love your niece. If that's a crime... I'll stand convicted, Sir."

Finally Gordon knew he had to stand up and say something on the boy's behalf. "Your Honour! I am Valkyrie's Uncle, and... um... if Mr Pleasant _does_ have musical talent... _I_ am willing to give him a second chance. Won't you? The boy is _at least_ polite!"

"Mr Gordon Edgley, are you aware that Negros were present at tonight's disturbance?" Madam Mist was saying.

"My niece is fond of _all kinds_ of music!"

"I am going to release Valkyrie this one time. Because you are a handsome and fine man, Mr Gordon Edgley." She pointed a finger at Skulduggery. "But not you, Cry Baby Pleasant! The only place you're going to sing is in jail!"

"NO!" Valkyrie screamed, having to be held back by a Cleaver.

Madame Mist continued. "I find you guilty of rampant juvenile delinquency, and I hereby sentence you to the Maryland Training School For Boys until your twenty first birthday!"

"HA!" Skulduggery screamed in her face.

Madame Mist banged her gavel for the last time. "Court dismissed!" Lock him up!"

"YOU CAN'T LOCK UP HIS MUSIC!" Solomon shouted at Madame Mist.

The Cleavers began to drag Skulduggery out of the courtroom. Valkyrie tried to break free of her Cleaver's grip but it was no use.

"I'll get out, Sugar-Dumpling!" Skulduggery shouted to Valkyrie. "I'll get out if it's the last thing I do! I swear!"

"CRY BABY!" Valkyrie shrieked as he was dragged out of sight.

**Ah! So just when everything was going right, it all goes wrong!**

**Stick around to find out what happens next :)**

**xoxo**


	99. Valduggery: Cry baby part 10

**Part ten here, just for you :)**

**Enjoy!**

Outside the Maryland Training School For Boys, the Press were waiting with Clarabelle who had tipped them off that Skulduggery was being locked away here and would be passing at any moment. She had herself all dressed up and had her fake pregnancy story ready.

The cop car that was holding Skulduggery pulled up outside the prison. Two Cleavers got out and pulled Skulduggery out with them, who was desperately trying to break free. Some of the Press members ran over with their cameras as soon as they saw Skulduggery. The swarmed him and the Cleavers.

Clarabelle looked at her crew of reporters. "Boy, do I have a story for you!" She ran over to Skulduggery and started to fight her way past the crowd to get to him.

"How does it feel to be a Juvenile delinquent?" One reporter asked

"It feels good man! I've never been so happy in my whole life!" Skulduggery snapped, angrily.

At that moment Clarabelle pushed through the crowd and threw her arms around Skulduggery.

Skulduggery franticly tried to shove her away from him. Eventually a Cleaver ripped her away from him so that they could take him inside the prison.

"Clarabelle you filthy hag!" Skulduggery roared back at her as he was being hauled away. "I wouldn't let you shine my boots! Valkyrie's my girl! V-A-L-K-Y-R-I-E fellows!"

And then he was dragged inside the prison doors which slammed shut beside him. Now all the reporters attention went from him back to Clarabelle.

"When did he propose?" One reporter asked, shouting over the others.

"Just last night!" Clarabelle lied easily. "You see, I'm _pregnant_ with his child! You know that Cry Baby is an orphan, he wants his baby to have a _real family_ – the family that he himself _never had_!"

Inside the prison, Skulduggery was shoved into a large cell with about twenty other guys. He noticed that one of them was Erskine.

The Warden for this cell was recently demoted from being a High priest. His name was Auron Tenebrae. He roughly shoved Skulduggery into the cell.

"SHUT UP!" Yelled Tenebrae over the squabbling prisoners. "SHUT UP, DELINQUENTS! HIT THE SACK!"

Tenebrae took Skulduggery to his bed in the cell. It was next to Erskine's.

Tenebrae talked directly to Skulduggery. "Strip down, ass-hole! It's beddie-bye time!" He lifted Skulduggery up and chucked him onto his top bunk bed, slapping his back-side in the process.

Skulduggery started to change into his prison pyjamas.

Tenebrae carried on talking, addressing everyone in the cell. "Now, don't forget to say your prayers! God bless my probation officer!"

Everyone on the cell repeated his words in a monotonous tone. "God bless my probation officer."

"God bless the draft boards!"

"God bless the draft boards."

"God bless the juvenile authorities!"

"God bless the juvenile authorities."

Tenebrae made his way back round to Skulduggery who was lying in his top bunk. He got right up in his face. "We're gonna give you a haircut tomorrow pretty boy. You ever heard of a _whiffle_?"

Skulduggery thought back to Fletcher and his band and remembered their geeky haircuts. He was almost sick and had to clamp a hand over his mouth. There was _no way_ he was going to lose his beautiful head of hair – especially not when he had only just gotten it back after 400 years of previously being a living skeleton.

Tenebrae grinned at Skulduggery. "Well that's what you're gonna get! You big old _Cry Baby_, you!" He burst into fits of laughter but stopped them as abruptly as they had started. He went back to addressing the entire cell. "God bless... Nefarian Serpine!"

"God bless Nefarian Serpine." Everybody droned.

"God bless... Baron Vengeous!"

"God bless Baron Vengeous."

"God bless... The Faceless Ones!"

"God bless The Faceless Ones."

Tenebrae stepped out of the cell and locked the door behind him. He turned out the lights. "Nighty night boys!" He walked off down the corridor and out of sight.

All the inmates grumbled angrily.

However, back at Gordon's mansion, Valkyrie was lying in bed crying her eyes out. "Cry Baby..." She groaned miserably. Every time a tear fell she caught it and kept it in a jar for him.

Back in the cell, Skulduggery had burst into song...

_Teardrops are falling  
Teardrops are falling _

The rest of the inmates joined in.

_Cry go on Cry, Cry go on Cry_

Skulduggery had been handed a makeshift guitar. There was a shoebox as the main part of the guitar, it had a wrapping paper tube sticking out of the top of it as the guitar's neck, and it has six pieces of strings attached from top to bottom of the 'guitar' to act as the guitar strings. Skulduggery started to strum them as he sang.

_Teardrops are falling_  
_Out My Eyes_  
_Teardrops are falling_  
_I wonder why_  
_Teardrops are falling_  
_For you made me cry_

All of the inmates, who were once tough and burly, were all in tears now as they sang.

_My heart is aching_  
_Almost breaking_  
_If you hear me_  
_Come back to me_  
_Teardrops are falling_  
_And you made me cry_

Erskine stepped up to sing this part:

_Yes, teardrops are falling_  
_Falling from my eyes_  
_Yes yes yes_  
_You made me cry_  
_When you went away_  
_You stayed away so long_  
_Come back my dear_

Skulduggery took over the vocals again:

_My heart is aching_  
_Almostbreaking_  
_If you hear me_  
_Come back to me_  
_Teardrops are falling_  
_And you made me cry_

Skulduggery just wanted to be with Valkyrie so he could hold her and kiss her again.

_Cry don't cry, Cry don't cry, Cry don't cry, Cry don't cry..._

Skulduggery finished the song and snuggled down into his covers. A single tear rolled down his cheek. He wiped it away with his finger, licking it off his finger, before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep in an attempt to escape all this horror for a few hours.

Valkyrie was doing the same back at the mansion. She put her jar of tears to her lips and took a swig, before promptly falling asleep. It was like a sleeping drug to them because they both fell into a deep undisturbed sleep.

**Gosh I love this film XD**

**I hope you're liking the story so far :)**

**I'll update asap!**

**xoxo**


	100. Valduggery: Cry baby part 11

**Oh gosh! This is the 100th chapter! I feel like I'm about to make some oscar speech or something! I just want to say a big thanks to all you you who read my stories! Thank you for all the lovely reviews! Thanks to those of you who have supported me from the very begining! I have all of your reviews printed off and stashed away in a folder because I'm just that sad! I love writing and I don't ever want to stop! Thank you so much! I love you all! The updates will just keep on coming!  
**

**And I'd like to thank my mum, my dad, my dog... I'M JOKING!  
**

**But now, here we are, with chappie eleven! I hope you all like it!**

**(Note: I do not own the song used in this chapter)**

**Enjoy!  
**

The following morning was bright and sunny, and someone somewhere was playing some infectious music. It turned out to be Fletcher and the Whiffles leading a marching band and hundreds of Mages, dancing down the street. They were dancing all the way to Gordon Edgley's mansion.

Back in Gordon's mansion, he and Valkyrie were unaware of what was to come. Gordon was sitting in the dining room eating a modest breakfast. He looked over his morning paper... and gasped at the headlines. There were lies printed all over the paper about Clarabelle being pregnant with Cry Baby's child.

Valkyrie was in her room, still dressed up in her Drape clothing, listening to the radio. A report was playing on the same lies that were in the news papers:

"_Call these Drape Gangs bold, call them brazen, but whatever you do, DON'T CALL THEM SQUARE! Yes, mothers, you should be worried! Following last night's disturbance at Turkey Point, Cry Baby Pleasant was convicted had the nerve to announce his engagement to fellow Gang Member, known hussy, Clarabelle Frigid, father to be of her child!"_

Suddenly, Clarabelle's words were floating back to her:

"_Cry Baby is an orphan, and he wants his baby to have a real family. The family that he himself never had..."_

Valkyrie was furious. She was so blind with rage that she couldn't see that all these stories were complete lies. She rummaged through her wardrobe full of Square's clothing and pulled out a dainty little yellow flowery dress that came down way past her knees. Next she went over to her vanity table and neatly tied back her silky black hair like a lady. She scrubbed off all her Drape makeup too and just looked at herself in the mirror.

She was a Square again.

The radio report continued:

"_Skulduggery pleasant, defiantly entering the Maryland School For Boys, had this to say:"_

And then, twisting his words to make the report seem like it was valid, the reporter used what Skulduggery had said in response to the question _"How does it feel to be a juvenile delinquent?" _ as his 'quote' on his 'relationship' with Clarabelle.

Skulduggery's voice:

"_It feels good, man! I've never been to happy in my whole life!"_

Valkyrie also couldn't see that this wasn't real and that Skulduggery's words had been twisted, and she was even more angry, wishing she had never met Skulduggery and stayed with Fletcher.

Meanwhile, Fletcher and the Whiffles were still leading their parade all the way to Valkyrie's house. Melancholia, Anton and Solomon were just walking by, on their way from town back to Turkey Point. Fletcher and the Whiffles saw them coming and instantly got out their ammo to fire at any Drapes they should pass: rotten tomatoes.

They pelted Melancholia, Anton and Solomon with the stinking tomatoes, laughing them as they ran away. Te worst part was, the Drapes weren't even doing any harm, they were just walking down the street. It was the Squares who were the real villains here!

Back in Gordon's mansion, Gordon was bursting into Valkyrie's room, knowing that the Press were on their way to bombard her.

"Hurry, Valkyrie! Hide!" He was hollering, running round her room, franticly. "The newspapers have blown this completely out of–" He looked round at Valkyrie, sitting at her vanity table and saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. "–proportion." He finished his sentence meekly. Instantly he was at her side, hugging her.

"He lied to me, Uncle Gordon." She sobbed. "And the whole world knows that I'm just a Drape fool!"

Gordon sighed into her hair. "Heavy hangs the head, that last night wore the crown."

However, Fletcher and the Whiffles – and their little parade of Square Mages and the Press – were still dancing their way to Gordon's mansion, and they were so close now that Valkyrie could hear their music from her room.

Intrigued to see what was going on, she rudely pushed away from her Uncle to get out of his hug, and ran to her bedroom window.

"Valkyrie!" Gordon snapped, appalled at her behaviour.

Valkyrie saw the huge parade down in the front garden led by Fletcher and the Whiffles.

And then Fletcher started to sing. It was an awful song. And he sang it awfully too. However, Valkyrie was so swept up by the huge crowd, that when the song had finished, she was ready to rush off down into Fletcher's arms. Gordon caught her arm and stopped Valkyrie in her tracks.

"Valkyrie Cain!" He ordered. "You don't have to decide today! Give your heart some time to think!"

Valkyrie sighed and looked back down at Fletcher. He was no Skulduggery... but at least he wasn't in prison...

Valkyrie grinned, and while her Uncle wasn't looking, she ran past him and re-emerged moments later at the front door. She pushed past the dozens of reports and ran to Fletchers side. Gordon tried running after her but it was no use. He was in no fit state to run _anywhere!_ He didn't particularly like Fletcher after the way he had treated Valkyrie, and dare he say it... he almost preferred the Cry Baby boy.

I did say _almost!_

Valkyrie skidded to a holt beside Fletcher and held his hands. All the news cameras were focused on her and Fletcher. She kissed him lightly on the lips for all the world to see.

"Valkyrie," Fletcher began. "would you sing with me today?"

Fletcher was anticipating the answer, and this was mostly because he knew, that locked up in prison somewhere, Skulduggery would be listening.

In fact, Skulduggery was listening.

He was sitting in the prison workhouse, making licence plates. However, every licence plate he made spelled out _Valkyrie_.

Erskine ran over to skulduggery, a frenzied look in his usually calm eyes. "Hey, man! Your old lady's on the radio! There's trouble, Cry Baby! Big trouble!"

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery breathed.

Erskine pulled Skulduggery off his seat and ran with him over to where the radio was.

This is what could be heard:

_Fletchers voice – "There's a new place opening! It's... sorta wild! Kinda cool! It's called a 'Theme Park' and it's the only one in the state of Maryland!"_

_Valkyrie's voice – "I'd be proud to, Fletcher!" _(Sing with him)_ "Cry Baby walker, I hope you're happy with Clarabelle! And I only have one thing to say to you: I think you're a liar... and a cad... and I SPIT ON YOUR TEARS!"_

_Fletcher's voice – I can sing better than Cry Baby Pleasant ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!_

Skulduggery heard this and he was seething. He wasn't mad at Valkyrie – he knew that Fletcher or someone must have tricked her. He was livid at Fletcher. So livid, with that famous rage of his, that he could have screamed!

Or... sing...

_Well, I ain't here 'cause I drive too fast  
And I'm too young to have a criminal past  
Some good behavior would be all right  
But I don't seem to qualify  
Im just out for a little fun  
But I'm guilty till I'm twenty-one  
I guess I'm doing time for being young _

Everyone else joined in with Skulduggery, singing and dancing to get their rage out of their system.

_So cut these shackles off of me_  
_(Let me go, let me go)_  
_This kind of suit don't set me free_  
_(Set me free, set me free)_  
_Well, I can't live if I can't ride_  
_(Let me ride, let me ride)_  
_And I want my baby by my side_  
_(I want my baby by my side)_  
_Im just out for a little fun_  
_But I'm guilty till I'm twenty-one_  
_I guess I'm doin' time for being young_

However, all the singing and loud noises had attracted the attention of the nearby guards. They rushed to the workhouse and saw all the inmates singing and dancing - led by Skulduggery – and they were infuriated.

_Now, I can't let the right thing stand in my way_  
_Someday, maybe, I'll know better_  
_But right now I'm making them pay_

They chased Skulduggery, trying to restrain him, but he was too fast for them, plus he had all the other inmates trying to protect him.

_What do I do, who do I thank?_  
_(What can I do?, What can I do?)_  
_To get me out of this stinking tank_  
_(Stinking tank, stinking tank)_  
_It's heartbreaking to be this age_  
_(Stuck in a cage, stuck in a cage)_  
_Locked in a prison of teenage rage_  
_(Stuck in a cage with teenage rage)_

The guards soon realised that Erskine was also to blame for this horrendous outburst and they tried to restrain him too.

_Well, I was out for a little fun_  
_I guess I'm guilty till I'm twenty-one_  
_I must be doing time for being young_  
_(Stuck in a cage with a teenage rage)_  
_I don't want to be doing time for being young_

The inmates were doing a good job at keeping the guards away from Skulduggery and Erskine, but alas they were not enough, and before they knew it, both Skulduggery and Erskine were back in shackles, and were being carted off to solitary confinement.

**Will the Valduggery ever return?**

**You'll find out soon :D**

**Thanks again to all of your for reading my 100th chapter :) It's lovely of you :')  
**

**xoxo**


	101. Valduggery: Cry baby part 12

**Hey there! I hope you're all well!**

**Just one thing to keep in mind for this chappie, there is a Swedish character in this, and she repeatedly says the word "Ja" which means "Yes" in English and it's pronounced "Yah" :)**

**And thank you so much for all the lovely messages on account of my last chapter being my 100th chappie :')**

**Enjoy!**

Back at China's house, she was walking down the stairs, lugging two suitcases with her. She saw her Square parents sitting in the living room with a complete stranger. She was a girl, around China's age, but the way she was dressed... well she certainly wasn't from around here.

"Who the Hell is this?" China snapped, getting to the bottom of the stairs.

China's mother got up and walked over to the blonde stranger. "This is Inga! She's from Sweden! She's and exchange student and she's going to be staying with us for a while!"

China's father stood up. "Inga, this is our daughter, China. Say _hello!"_

Inga looked perplexed. "Ja?"

China rolled her eyes. "I'm blowing this joint."

"Inga doesn't understand English very well." Her father explained. "Inga, say _hello_ to China!"

"Ja?" Inga repeated, still as confused as before.

China's mother decided to try getting through to her. "SAY _HELLO_ TO OUR DAUGHTER!" She said, very loudly and very slowly.

Now Inga was getting frightened. "Ja?"

China's father led China over to the sofa and sat her down. "Um... Honey, why don't you come and sit down? Get to know one another?"

China very huffily sat down on the couch and crossed her arms.

China's father continued. "Look at all the wonderful presents she's bought us from her native land!" He was rummaging through a cardboard box and pulled out a boat cap, putting it on his head.

China's mother put one on too. "Let all put on a boat cap and learn something about a different culture!" She squealed.

China groaned in embarrassment.

"Do we have a surprise for you, don't we dear?" Her father chimed.

Her mother continued. "We sure do!" She turned to China. "All this silly trouble you've been having lately, China honey, you're going to Sweden! This afternoon! At three 'o' clock!"

China's face visibly paled. "You mean you _swapped_ me? FOR A MILK MAID?"

"Oh, Honey!" Her father laughed. "Inga's mother and father will treat you just like one of the family! Right Inga?"

"Ja? Ja? Ja?" Inga was absolutely bewildered by all this conversation.

That was the last straw! China stood up and strolled over to Inga. "You want to learn about America, Inga? In America, we like _boys! _We like _hot boys!_ Boys with roaming hands, and rustling fingers!"

China's mother smiled, still in a perfect world of her own. "China, honey, want some Ovaltine?"

Inga knew what that word meant! "JA!" She practically shouted. "JA! JA!"

But now China was on a roll! "Yeah! I'm just a BEE-BOP-BABY! And I don't take nothing from no one! See you later daddios! Have a cool Yule and a frantic first!"

And with that, China picked up her two suitcases and walked out the front door. She ran over to the curb, hitched up her already short skirt to flash off her thighs, and began to hitch hike. It was only a matter of moments before a car pulled up beside her. The windows rolled down and China peered in. To her utter disappointment, the man driving the car was the local Turkey Point pervert – The Torment.

"Hey!" The Torment wiggled his eyebrows at her. "You going my way?"

"Oh." China grumbled, unenthusiastically. "It's you. You ever heard of something called a _Theme Park?"_

"Yeah! There's a big opening over there today!"

China put on her best pouty face. "Well, that's where I'm going, _Stallion!"_

The Torment grinned. "Well, hop on in!"

China picked up her suitcases and got in the car. The Torment proceeded to drive her to the grand opening of the Maryland Theme Park.

However, not everyone was having a good time. Back in prison, Skulduggery and Erskine were in solitary confinement – or as it was called there: The Hole. In The Hole, Erskine was using a sowing needle he had stolen from the workhouse and ink from a pen that one of the guards had dropped to give Skulduggery a tattoo of a small teardrop just under his left eye.

"Hold on, homeboy." Erskine was saying softly so that the guards outside wouldn't hear him. "Almost done. I know it hurts, but being this cool is _always_ a pain."

Skulduggery sighed. "Ah, the pain aint nothing, Erskine. I've been hurt all my life, but real tears wash away."

Erskine pushed the needle in too far and Skulduggery jerked away in pain.

"Ow!" Skulduggery hissed. Then he sighed again. "This one's for Valkyrie, and I want it to last forever!"

Erskine carried on with the tattoo, but was soon finished. He sat back and looked at his work. Pure genius. "There you go! It's a beauty! You'll never have to cry again!"

At that moment, the door to The Hole swung open and a guard burst in, flashlight in hand. "I heard talking in here!" He held the flashlight up to skulduggery's face and saw his new tattoo. "What's that on your face, blubber boy? A booger?" He put the flashlight down on the bench beside Skulduggery.

"Are you blind?" Skulduggery snapped. "It's a lonely teardrop!"

The guard laughed. "Now aint that cute? That will go good with your new haircut!" He slapped Skulduggery round the back of his head.

Skulduggery looked up at the guard and growled. "I aint getting no _haircut_!"

"You wanna bet? You're next sniffle-snot!" The guard laughed again, maniacally, at Skulduggery. He was laughing so hard he forgot to pick up his torch on the way out and left without it, locking the iron door behind him.

However, while that guard had been making fun of Skulduggery, Erskine had been standing quietly in the corner. He had stepped back on something and felt it move under his feet. He looked down and saw that he was standing on a manhole cover that was not bolted down, which meant only one thing! This was an escape route! He waited for the guard to leave before saying anything.

"Cry Baby!" Erskine whispered. "Look!" He pointed to the manhole cover. "It's your only chance, man!"

Skulduggery was on his feet in an instant, grabbing the flashlight in the process. He crouched by the manhole and helped Erskine pull the cover away, revealing a dark tunnel below them.

Skulduggery grinned at his friend. "They're never gonna turn me Square, Erskine! I want my girl! I want my family! And I want my Gang!" He lowered himself into the tunnel. "Thanks for the tattoo!" He shouted up as he plunged into the darkness.

He landed in what he knew was the prison's sewage pipes. Undignified as it was, he began to wade through them, knowing it was his only chance of escape!

**I'll update asap :)**

**xoxo**


	102. Valduggery: Cry baby part 13

**Time for part 13!**

**Enjoy :D**

Back at Turkey Point, Ghastly and Tanith were hatching out plans on how to break Skulduggery out of prison. They had decided to dress up all in black clothing, sneak into the Square's end of town, steal one of the rich people's helicopters and get into the prison grounds that way.

So that's exactly what they did.

They were sneaking around in local Square billionaire's back yard and spotted the helicopter immediately – well, how could you miss it?

"Oh _maaaan_!" Tanith squealed, excitedly, when she saw it.

She looked around the Square's garden checking no-one was watching and noted that next door to them was a large paddock with a Jersey Cow in it. Tanith had always had a soft spot for animals and couldn't help but _ooh _ and _ahh_ over it.

However, the cow took one look at Tanith, let out a startled _moo_ upon seeing her disfigured face and ran away in the opposite direction.

Tanith's expression fell and she sighed unhappily. She missed her old face. The one that she used to have before her operation getting the remnant out of her. She missed being beautiful.

Ghastly saw his girlfriend, looking like she might burst into tears. He kissed her on the cheek. "Come on, gorgeous." He murmured into her ear.

He took her hand and led her over to the helicopter. He got in the pilot's side and she got in the passenger's side. Ghastly had no idea how to fly this thing, but he had a pretty good guess.

And then, a very dodgy 'lift off' commenced...

Skulduggery was still wading around in the sewage pipes, his dim flashlight not really providing much light. He saw a tunnel leading upwards with a built-in ladder inside it. He decided to take his chances and climb it – well, it was better than striding through all this sewage! As he climbed the ladder, his trouser bottoms got snagged on something and were whipped off him, leaving him climbing up the ladder in just his shirt and underwear.

He sighed and sat down on the ledge he had just managed to get onto. There was a tunnel to his left, another tunnel to his right. Which one to take? He picked one at random and carried on with his poorly constructed escape plan.

By now, Ghastly and Tanith were flying high in the sky – and not very well at that! Ghastly looked like he might be sick.

Tanith looked at the building directly below her. She nudged Ghastly's arm. "Look! Is that the prison?"

Ghastly nodded, too sick to even speak.

Tanith rolled her eyes. She knew that if they were ever going to get down into those prison grounds, _she_ was going to have to get them there herself. "Move over, Ghastly!" She instructed. "Let _me_ try!"

Ghastly willingly swapped places with Tanith, who was now the new pilot. She took to flying the helicopter like she had been doing it her whole life.

"JURANAMO!" She cried as she prepared to land.

She landed the helicopter in the prison quad with remarkable precision. The prisoners who were working out outside were baffled at this new arrival. Tanith and Ghastly jumped out of the helicopter and stared at all the prisoners with determined expressions. Put together, they were positively terrifying, and all the prisoners shrunk away from them.

"THIS IS A JAIL BREAK!" Tanith shouted, at the top of her lungs.

The Cleavers had already spotted Tanith and Ghastly and already were firing shots at them from their posts. Ghastly grabbed Tanith's hand and they made a break for it, running for cover inside the prison.

Skulduggery was still crawling around in the sewers. He could see light up ahead and he hurried towards it. However, he was disappointed to find that it was just an dead-end crawl space that had a barred up man hole which led to the outside quad, the light filling in from in between the bars. He looked out onto the quad and sighed.

Then as if form out of the blue he saw Tanith and Ghastly run past him, Cleavers firing shots at them. He realised they must have come to break him out.

"Ghastly!" Skulduggery yelled. "Hatchet!"

But they couldn't hear him, and he had to go back to frantically crawling through the sewer tunnels.

Ghastly and Tanith were now in the prison running around like headless chickens trying desperately to find Skulduggery. They were in the Gaol section running past the prisoners hanging in the cages.

"Cry Baby! Where are you? Cry Baby!" The called out together in unison.

One prisoner pointed down one hallway. "He's in the library!"

Another one pointed in a completely different direction. "No! No! He's in the cafeteria!

"No, man! He's in The Hole! Come on, man!"

"No! This way! He's in the movies! That way!" One prisoner pointed them in yet another direction.

In the movies there were about fifty prisoners watching a horror film in 3D. They were all terrified by it despite being fully grown men. At the point where the monster showed up, Ghastly and Tanith burst through the screen. The prisoners saw Tanith with her hideous face and screamed their heads off! Some jumped out of their seats into other's laps, others ducked for cover underneath the seats – it was _mayhem_!

Ghastly and Tanith ran past all the screaming prisoners knowing that the Cleavers were hot on their heels. They burst though a fire exit and suddenly found they were on the outside of the prison on the top level. Below them was a garbage truck that was just getting ready to leave. Knowing it was their final chance to get out of here without being shot down by the Cleavers, they jumped from where they were straight into the open-top garbage truck and landed in with all the filth.

The truck was put into gear and drove away from the prison. Tanith and Ghastly had escaped, but unfortunately, not with their Gang Leader, Skulduggery.

**I'll update asap!**

**Oh, by the way, I'm going on holiday this Sunday to the Caribbean for two weeks, so I'm trying to get as many chapters up as possible in case I can't get to a laptop while I'm out there!**

**xoxo**


	103. Valduggery: Cry baby part 14

**Part fourteen at your service :)**

Skulduggery was crawling along a tunnel and he couldn't help but notice it was going down a slight slope. Then suddenly, the tunnel angled downwards at an incredibly steep slope and he was falling, screaming like a girl the whole way.

He landed in some sort of a pit with a sickening thud. Groaning in pain he sat up to look at where he was. He was in a dank little hollow underneath the prison. There was hay strewn across the floor, making him wonder who or what exactly it was there for. He noticed, with a yelp of alarm, that sitting in the corner opposite him was a skeleton with a prisoner's uniform on. The poor bugger must have gotten himself trapped down here trying to escape. Skulduggery gulped. He hoped that wasn't _his_ fate too.

And then Skulduggery saw something small and furry moving around by his foot... and he realised what the hay down here was for. He reached down and grabbed the furry thing before it could bite his toes, and lifted it up to his face to look at it.

It was a _rat_. A big, fat, hairy _rat_.

Skulduggery screamed girlishly and tossed the rat away from him. He saw another one trying to get close to him and he flicked that one away too. Then he realised that there was no point in trying to keep the rats at bay... as there were dozens of them all around him.

He looked around frantically, searching for an escape route. He noticed another tunnel on the other side of the pit. When he looked closer, he saw a lone rat sitting in the mouth of the tunnel, staring at him.

Inspired by the rat's human-like gaze – and from the severe lack of clean air down in the sewers making him a tad delirious – he decided to take a chance on the rat, and go over to it.

The rat saw Skulduggery coming and began to scuttle down the tunnel, looking back at Skulduggery to check he was following.

"What's down here?" Skulduggery wondered aloud. He looked at the rat that was leading him. "This way?" He asked it.

The rat was leading him through the tunnel that was sloping upwards. It stopped when there was a man-hole just above their heads. Skulduggery looked up, seeing the bright light shining through the metal bars and grinned at the prospect of freedom, and of finally getting out of these mouldy sewers.

He looked back at the rat. "Thanks, pal!"

Skulduggery kneeled up and put his hands on the man-hole. He pushed upwards and almost jumped for joy when he felt the cover move. He hefted the cover up and pushed it up onto the ledge above him. He lifted himself up into the light, relishing at the feeling of clean fresh air on his sweaty face. He had his eyes closed and only opened them once he heard rapturous laughter from all around him. His eyelids snapped open and he saw all the prison guards around him, anticipating his arrival, cackling their heads off.

Skulduggery sighed. He knew there was no point trying to escape and he let the guards pull him out from the sewers and restrain him.

The next stop for Skulduggery... the prison hairdressers... to get his very own _whiffle_.

Gross!

He could have sworn that he could hear the rat laughing at his expense as he was dragged away.

Meanwhile, at the Chatterbox Orphanage, Melancholia, Solomon and Anton were all dressed up as Squares, and hatching out their plan to get Melancholia's two beautiful children back.

Mrs Tadlock – the mean and nasty Orphanage owner – was showing the three Drapes around, thinking they were genuine Squares. The actual orphanage itself was horrendous. The children were dressed up in prissy little frocks they, and shut up in little glass boxed rooms like animals on show at a pet shop.

"Just come right this way." Mrs Tadlock was saying as she led them around. She pointed at one girl in her glass enclosure. "Now, this is Sheila. She's Caucasian, but that's about all I can recommend. Bad table manners!"

"Um, we were thinking of two children, actually." Solomon was saying in his best 'posh' voice.

"About six or seven years old." Melancholia added.

"With some spunk!" Anton chipped in.

She moved onto the next child – a little boy. "Well, now... what about him? Little Joey. Mummy's little helper! He not only vacuums, he does windows... irons..."

Melancholia was bored of this charade. She wandered off in hope of finding her children. She was passing by a window that had some Siamese twins in it, but stopped when she caught a glance of them out of the corner of her eye. Her head snapped round to look at them and she saw the beautiful two little children in there.

They were _her_ children! Susie-Q and Snare-Drum! Someone had taken them and put them in a little gown that had two head holes in a pathetic attempt to pass them off as Siamese twins so that no one would ever pick them to adopt.

Susie-Q and Snare-Drum saw their mum and went mad laughing and cheering.

Melancholia squealed with delight. "Here! These are the ones we want!"

Anton came over and saw the 'Siamese twins' realising they were Melancholia's children straight away. However, he decided to play along. "A double header!" He put on his best 'astounded' voice.

Solomon joined in too. "Oh, they're adorable! We'll take them!"

Mrs Tadlock never intended to let these children find a home though. She shook her head. "Uh-oh! Now that's the thing with _two heads_! Absolutely not! Siamese twins are a financial burden! Sowing all those old school clothes together!" She shook her head again. "You're not psychologically equipped!"

Melancholia had heard enough. She whipped out a gun she had been hiding in her dress and aimed it at Mrs Tadlock's head. She ripped off her disguise, Solomon and Anton doing the same. Mrs Tadlock realised the familiar faces of her Drape enemies and scowled.

"Mrs Tadlock!" Melancholia snapped. "These are my children and I'm taking them with me!"

"That's right, sister!" Solomon hissed.

"YOU!" Mrs Tadlock growled.

Melancholia just smiled at her. The three of them grabbed Mrs Tadlock and restrained her. They shut her away in one of the window boxes that she had been keeping the poor children in. Then they set all the children free, Melancholia colleting her own two little angels in the process.

All the newly freed children ran out of the Orphanage cheering and whooping in triumph.

"Let me out of here!" Mrs Tadlock screeched. "Help!"

But she was gladly ignored.

Melancholia, Solomon, Anton, Susie-Q and Snare-Drum all worked together to high-jack a Mrs Tadlock's car. They tore off down the road, Melancholia constantly telling her children "Good job! I'm so proud of you!"

They all knew where their next stop was. They were going to the new Theme Park in town (called The Enchanted Forest) to steal back Valkyrie again, and turn her back into a Drape!

"Come on!" Yelled Solomon. "We've got to get to The Enchanted Forest! Turn left!"

"No! Turn right!" Anton yelled back, knowing a shortcut.

They were going to get Valkyrie back to help them get Skulduggery out of prison. She was singing with the Squares today... well that means she would soon be singing with the Drapes too!

**Finally! Things are getting back to the way they should be! XD**

**xoxo**


	104. Valduggery: Cry baby part 15

**Oh, now we're getting close to the end!**

**I'm rushing to finsh uploading this story before I go on holiday! LOL!  
**

**- Obviously, I don't own either of the songs used in this chapter :)**

At The Enchanted Forest Theme Park, Valkyrie was onstage singing with Fletcher and the Whiffles. While singing with them, she couldn't help but feel that she had made a _huge_ mistake...

_Mister Sandman, bring me a dream  
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen  
Give him two lips like roses and clover  
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over_

Fletcher was so busy performing he was completely ignoring Valkyrie, instead of trying to harmonise with her.

_Sandman, I'm so alone_  
_Don't have nobody to call my own_  
_Please turn on your magic beam_  
_Mister Sandman, bring me a dream_

Fletcher and the Whiffles were purposely trying to overpower Valkyrie while singing.

_Mister Sandman, bring me a dream_  
_Make him the cutest that I've ever seen_  
_Give him the word that I'm not a rover_  
_Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over_

Valkyrie noticed that while she was singing, Fletcher was making goo-goo eyes at the newly transformed Clarabelle who had recently been turned into a Square. Valkyrie saw this and 'accidentally' slapped him in the face while doing a particular dance move.

_Sandman, I'm so alone_  
_Don't have nobody to call my own_  
_Please turn on your magic beam_  
_Mister Sandman, bring me a dream_

Valkyrie was in the middle of singing when she noticed Tanith, China and Ghastly in the audience in mascot disguises.

_Mister Sandman, bring me a dream_  
_Give him a pair of eyes with a come hither gleam_  
_Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci_  
_And lots of wavy hair like Liberace_

Valkyrie also noticed that Solomon, Melancholia, Caelan, Susie-Q and Snare-Drum were also here, standing with her Uncle Gordon. But... where was Anton?

_Mister Sandman, someone to hold_  
_Would be so peachy before we're too old_  
_Sp please turn on your magic beam_  
_Mister Sandman, bring us_  
_Please, please, please_  
_Mister Sandman, bring us a dream_

Just as Valkyrie was finishing her last note, Anton came swooping out of nowhere on a rope, he grabbed Valkyrie round the waist as he swung past her and lifted her into the air with him, carrying her to higher ground.

They landed on the top of a high up stadium parked right in the centre of the audience. All of the Drapes present cheered with delight, all the Squares cowered in fear.

"DRAPES!" Fletcher and the Whiffles chorused.

"Valkyrie Cain!" Ghastly shouted over the roar of the crowd. "The decision is yours!"

"You sang with the Squares, now sing with the Drapes!" Anton cheered.

The Drapes applauded – including Gordon! The Squares booed and hissed.

"CRY BABY NEEDS YOU!" Yelled a Drape bystander, from the audience.

"We can get married and live in Suburbia!" Fletcher called out to her, a goofy smile on his face. "I love you Valkyrie!"

Valkyrie cringed at his words. "I don't want to hurt you Fletcher..."

Clarabelle could tell that Valkyrie was going to go running back to Skulduggery. She suddenly remembered her fake pregnancy story from before. There was a little girl in the crowd next to her, holding onto a toy doll. She snatched it out of her arms and held it up to Valkyrie.

"I had my baby!" Clarabelle crowed. "Isn't he cute? I'm a Square now!" She looked down at the obviously fake doll. "Wave to Valkyrie!"

"You may be a Square, Clarabelle," Gordon spoke up. "But you're still a _tramp_!" He looked proudly at his niece. "Valkyrie, pick the man who loves you the most."

Valkyrie smiled at her Uncle. She knew what she had to do. She had to sing with the Drapes. It was the only way she was going to help Skulduggery get out of prison.

And that was how she ended up standing on the bonnet of the Bentley, outside the prison gates, singing for Skulduggery's freedom.

_Please Mr. Jailer, won't you let my man go free?  
Please Mr. Jailer, won't you let me man go free?  
He don't belong in prison, though he's guilty as can be,  
But the only crime he's guilty of is simply loving me.  
Please Mr. Jailer, won't you let my man go free?_

Valkyrie's singing was starting to draw attention from the Judge, Madame Mist who sat in her office in the prison. She walked over and looked out the window, spotting Valkyrie, but more importantly, spotting Gordon too...

_Well I know it won't be long now,_  
_'Till they cut his hair off too._  
_Still I'm hoping there's one favor_  
_That I could beg of you. So..._

Skulduggery was in the prison Hairdressers, in the line to get his beautiful head of hair shaved off. He too could hear Valkyrie's singing and ran over to the barred windows. He was almost bursting with pride when he saw her dressed up as a Drape once more, singing for his freedom.

_Please Mr. Jailer, won't you let my man go free?_  
_Yeah yeah yeah_

Skulduggery's turn to get his hair cut was getting dangerously close...

_Please Mr. Jailer, won't you let this jailbird free?_  
_Whoa ho ho_

Madame Mist and Gordon just couldn't take their eyes off each other...

_Just look into his eyes, open up that door._  
_Just listen to his guitar, you'll know the score._

Valkyrie knew that Skulduggery was close to having his hair shaved off and she knew she had to do something. She ran inside the prison gates, and up to the guards demanding she be let in to see Skulduggery. After some persistence, the guards agreed to take Valkyrie, Melancholia, Wanda, Solomon and Gordon in to see Skulduggery.

_Please Mr. Jailer, let an honest man go free._

They were taken to the visiting room where prisoners and their visitors could talk through a pane of glass over the phone. Hardly romantic.

_Yeah yeah yeah_

Just as Skulduggery was being shoved into the barber's chair to get his haircut, a guard came and got him, mumbling something about a 'visitor'. Skulduggery's hair had been saved just in the nick of time!

_Please Mr. Jailer, don't you make no lifer outta me._  
_I'm innocent, I swear it. Let my woman testify,_  
_She'll tell you where I was that night,_  
_And I'll be satisfied._

Skulduggery was shown to the visiting room where Valkyrie was waiting on the other side of that pane of glass for him.

_Please Mr. Jailer, won't you let my man go free?_

He ran to the glass, pressing his hands against the glass, desperate to get out to her. Valkyrie was doing the same on the other side.

_Well I'm tired of pressing liscense plates down in this rotten hole,_  
_I gotta reach the outside before I lose control._  
_Please Mr. Jailer, don't you make no lifer outta me_

Madame Mist heard that Gordon was down in the visiting rooms and was on her way down there to grab herself the man of her dreams!

_Yeah yeah yeah_

Skulduggery started pounding on the glass, trying to get out.

_Please Mr. Jailer, let me out of this penitentiary  
(Whoa, let me out)  
Please Mr. Jailer, don't you make no lifer out of me._

Erskine started to join in, helping him crack the glass pane.

_Please Mr. Jailer, won't you my man go free?_

Skulduggery was tired of playing games. He just wanted his girl back. He pushed a wall of air into the glass, and it smashed instantly upon impact. He and Erskine were now free! 

_Whoa ho ho oh, whoa ho, let my man go free._  
_Whoa oh oh, don't make no lifer out of me._

Skulduggery ran to Valkyrie immediately, wrapping his arms around her, tenderly kissing her.

At that moment Madame Mist ran into the room. She saw Gordon and swooned. Gordon ran across the room and caught her in his arms. They looked into each other's eyes and saw a mutual understanding: Gordon would only date her if she agreed to let Skulduggery and Erskine go as free men.

Of course, Madame Mist had to agree to that one!

**Get ready for the last chapter of the Cry Baby Story! XD**

**xoxo**


	105. Valduggery: Cry baby part 16

**Woop! Here we are! The last part of the Cry Baby series! Thanks for reading and reviewing it m'dears! :')**

**Now, just some news, I'm going on holiday to the Caribbean this Sunday for two weeks, and this will be the last chapter I post before then. Unless I can manage to get to get to a computer while I'm away, no more updates until I'm back!** **When I'm back, brand new story! Any ideas?**

** - Naturally, I don't own the song used in this chapter - :)**

**Enjoy!**

And so, Madame Mist released the Drapes! Skulduggery – newly dressed and looking dapper – walked out of the prison gates, hand in hand with Valkyrie – also in a new outfit – to a crowd split down the middle – half Drapes, half Squares – waiting for him. Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked onto a stadium that overlooked the crowd where Madame Mist was waiting for them.

Skulduggery kissed Valkyrie affectionately on the cheek.

Madame Mist stepped up to the microphone. "Cry Baby Pleasant, society has given you a second chance! You are re-habilitated now! Here's three dollars and fifty cents, and a pair of clean underwear!"

Skulduggery smiled and nodded politely, taking his money and pants from Madame Mist. Madame Mist went to go stand by Gordon in the Audience who put his arms around her.

"YOU THINK YOU'RE A BIG MAN, CRY BABY?" Fletcher shouted from the crowd. "BUT YOU'RE LOWER THAN YOUR DEAD FATHER! AND GUESS WHO PULLED THE SWITCH ON THAT JERK? MY GRAND-PAPPY! THAT'S WHO! AND EVERY CHRISTMAS SINCE, MY WHOLE FAMILY GATHERS TOGETHER, AND HE RE-TELLS THE STORY OF THE DAY HE ELECTRICUTED YOUR DADDY! AND WE JUST LAUGH!"

Skulduggery looked like he might rip Fletcher's head off. Valkyrie was horrified that she had ever been associated with Fletcher. Tanith was _seething_!

"LET ME PUNCH HIS UGLY FACE!" Tanith screamed.

All of the Drapes cheered at this idea.

Skulduggery just shook his head. "It's okay, Hatchet." He smiled at Tanith. "You're beautiful, baby!" He looked back at Fletcher. "But I'll take care of this _maggot_! Do you know how to play the automobile game called _Chicken_?"

Fletcher laughed. "Sure. My car and your _jalopy! _We head towards each other at full speed, first one to turn the wheel before we smash is a _chicken_!_"_

Fletcher started making chicken noises at Skulduggery, all the Squares joining in.

"Is that _legal_?" Madame Mist enquired, out loud.

"STOP THIS INSANITY!" Gordon cried out, but he was ignored.

"I got some new rules, sucker!" Skulduggery snapped at Fletcher. "How about you and me... _on top of the car_?"

Fletcher snarled under his breath. "I'm man enough! You big Cry Baby!"

"THAT'S MR BABY TO YOU!" Skulduggery roared. He took a breath, calming himself. "Members of the press, this Chicken race tonight is for my Daddy, and I'd like to sing something in his memory. Something... hillbilly! Something... coloured! Something my daddy would have _loved_!"

Uproar went up from the Drapes, drowning out the Square's _boo's._

Skulduggery kissed Valkyrie before getting his Bentley and driving round to the road where the Chicken Race would be soon starting. He got out of the car and climbed up onto the roof of it, laying down flat on his stomach. Anton got in the car behind the wheel, Solomon and Melancholia in the back seat. Valkyrie, Madame Mist, Ghastly, Erskine, China and Tanith were standing in the crowd along with Caelan who was with Susie-Q and Snare-Drum.

At the other end of the track were the Squares, their car facing Skulduggery's, ready to drive and smash into each other. Fletcher got on top of his car, one of the Whiffles behind the wheel. The other two Whiffles pulled Gordon from the crowd and shoved him into the backseat of the car with them as their hostage.

"Fletcher!" Gordon cried from the backseat. "Be a gentleman and call off this race! It's too dangerous!"

Fletcher laughed cruelly at Gordon. "Mr Gordon Edgley, you were born a Square, and you're going to die a Square! You're coming with me!"

The race started. Both cars with Skulduggery on one and Fletcher on the other began to speed head on at each other down the long track.

Skulduggery began to sing the song he was telling the crowd about earlier in honour of his late father while they drove, him on top of the car.

_You call us hubs  
and say we have gone bad  
cos we feel so good when were being bad_

The dangerous game had started, both boys determined not to be the one to chicken out and scream "C_hicken!"_ to the driver, signalling for them to turn the wheel before they crashed.

_Were highschool hellcats_  
_On our ownl_  
_were high school hell cats_  
_almost grown_  
_come on and pick a fight we wish you would_  
_we love being bad cos it sure feels good_  
_WOW!_

Bad timing! Melancholia started to go into labour! Solomon had the horrible job of helping her with the birth!

_Stand back look out we're renagade teens_  
_friends of the devil but twice as mean_  
_We're looking for kicks we want them now_  
_We're gonna get em and we dont care how_

There was only a few hundred yards in between the two cars now, still neither of the boys would give in.

_High school hell cats_  
_on our own_  
_high school hellcats_  
_almost grown_  
_come on and pick a fight_  
_we wish you would_  
_we love being bad cos it_  
_sure feels good_

Poor Melancholia was screaming in pain. Poor Solomon was almost puking in the revulsion of childbirth.

_Hey Wow Come on! come on Woooh!_  
_wooh! wooh come on come on!_

Finally Melancholia's baby was born – a healthy baby girl!

_You locked us up in your schools_  
_We werent born to live by the rules_  
_We say yes you say no_  
_when you say stop i say go cats go!_

As they drove past Caelan in the audience, Melancholia held up their baby to him. He could have almost cried with joy and pride. He took the opportunity while she was passing to hold up a huge cardboard sign that said "Marry Me, Mel!" on it. Melancholia had just the time to scream "YES!" out of the window before the car was too far ahead for her to be heard. Caelan roared with happiness!

_Where high school hell cats_  
_on our own_  
_high school_  
_almost grown_  
_come on and pick a fight_  
_we wish you would_  
_we love being bad cos it sure feels good_

Poor Gordon was still hostage in the Square's car. He couldn't take any more. He opened the door as they were speeding along and jumped out. He thought he would fall to his horrible bloody death on the side of the road, but to his surprise, he landed on the back of a huge black spider.

_Woah Woah!_  
_Yea high school hell cats_  
_on our own_  
_high school hell cats_  
_almost grown_  
_Come on and pick a fight_  
_we wish you would_  
_we love being bad cos it feels_  
_GOOD!_

Gordon got off the spider and the gigantic black beauty turned back into Madam Mist. Gordon kissed her, and hand in hand, they ran back to the sidelines to, once again, be part of the crowd.

_U.S.A is the land of the free_  
_We should be want we wanna be_  
_Everyone says just to be like them_  
_But We're high school hell school hell cats and well never fit in_

There was only about fifty meters between the cars now, and none of them would give in. Skulduggery was fearless. Fletcher was crapping himself.

_Where high school hell cats_  
_on our own_  
_high school hell cats_  
_almost grown_  
_come on and pick a fight_  
_we wish you would_  
_we love being bad cos it sure feels good_

Finally, Fletcher couldn't take the tension of it anymore. Fletcher yelled "CHICKEN!" at the top of his lungs. The Whiffle driving the car yanked the wheel to the side and the car swerved. The Squares car with Fletcher on top went out of control and they went off the road and crashed into a tree.

_Were high school hell cats_  
_HIGH SCHOOL_  
_High school hell cats_  
_HELL Yea_  
_Come on and pick a fight_  
_we wish you would_  
_we love being bad cos it sure feels good, we love being bad cos it sure feels good, we love being bad cos it sure feels good!_

Anton pulled the Bentley to a holt with a loud screech. The Drapes had won! Skulduggery stood up on the bonnet and cheered. He looked over at Valkyrie and beckoned for her to come over. Erskine hopped onto his motorbike and Valkyrie jumped onto the back of it with him. They began to speed over to Skulduggery.

However, Valkyrie couldn't wait that drive up the race track to be in Skulduggery's arms. She took a chance and stood up in the back of the bike. She drew in her arms by her sides, feeling the air gather around her. She jumped and used the air to catapult her though the open sky to Skulduggery.

Skulduggery held out his arms to catch her. Naturally he did, cradling her in his arms. She looked into his big brown eyes, and saw that instead of crying one single tear, he was trying several big glossy tears. He was crying tears of happiness. She realised that she was too.

Skulduggery brought Valkyrie's lips to hers and kissed her tenderly.

Love really does conquer all!

**And there we have it! A happy ebding after all! I really hopes you liked it!**

**Thanks for reading my lovelys! :)**

**I'll update whenever I can, although that may be in two weeks time!**

**I'll miss you all!**

**xoxo**


	106. Valduggery: The Caribbean, Part 1

**I'M BACK! Wooo! It's great to be back, my lovelys! I've missed you all so much m'dears! I had an amazing time, but now I'm totally ready to start writing again :D**

**This is the first of my stories that I've updated to far. I will update the others soon, promise!**

**In this story, Valkyrie is nineteen and the setting is in the Dominican Republic in the Caribbean. I miss the place so much I just HAD to write about it :3 Also, in this story is the mention of the Riu hotel corporation - just note, I _obviously_ don't own this! LOL! Although I sometimes wish I did!**

**A guy called "Rocky" is mentioned in this. Yeah, he's a real guy who worked at the Hotel. Take that as you will.**

**Enjoy!**

Valkyrie laid out flat on her back on the hot sand. The scorching Caribbean sun felt glorious on her tired skin. She needed a holiday. And Skulduggery had generously taken her on one. She couldn't ever thank him enough for everything he did for her. He was the best friend she could ever ask for. She sighed happily.

"You're going to burn." A velvety voice carried over to her.

She turned her head to the side and opened one eye. Skulduggery was sitting on the sand next to her, in a dark blue pin-striped suit and marching blue fedora. His façade had loose brown hair and emerald green eyes.

"You're going to get heat-stroke in that outfit." She retorted with a grin.

His eyes twinkled. "Stop trying to be cute."

"I don't have to try. It just comes naturally to me."

"That aside, put some sun cream on, young lady. Now."

Valkyrie groaned and sat up. "Bloody Hell! Do this! Do that! Who are you? My mother?"

He looked at her. "Don't be ridiculous. I could never live in the same house as you. Now that would just be _too_ much."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. She dug her sun cream out of her beach bag and proceeded to slap it onto her skin. She wanted to _tan_, not go back home just as pale as she came out here.

She held out the SPF 30 to Skulduggery and rolled over onto her belly. "Do my back, please."

Skulduggery smiled. "Sure."

He took off his gloves and squirted some of the cream into his bony hand. He turned to face Valkyrie, hands at the ready... and stopped dead in his tracks. He looked at her back and realised he couldn't do this. It was such a simple task, and yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. How was it that he only just realised how small and cute her little blue string bikini was? How had he not even paid attention to how perfectly shaped and toned her body was? He bit his lip. He had always been a back man. Some guys like legs, some liked stomachs... he however had always had a thing for girl's lower backs.

Valkyrie looked over her shoulder at him. "Hello? Burning over here. Fancy slapping that stuff on me anytime soon?"

Skulduggery hesitated. "Um... um..."

"Yes?"

"I don't... I don't know... if I can." He stuttered.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Excuse you?"

"Well, you're more or less half naked... and you're asking me to rub my hands all over you..."

She frowned. "Oh, great. Well, when you say it like _that!"_

"Sorry." He mumbled.

She sighed. "It's okay; I'll ask Rocky to do it."

Rocky was the name of one of the guys who worked on the animation team at the hotel. He was undoubtedly gorgeous. Dark skin, dark eyes and a perfectly cheeky smile. Married of course but no less a flirt. Valkyrie saw him walking down the hotel beach, waving and winking to all the guests. She waved and he began to make his way over.

"Um..." Skulduggery began. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

But Rocky was already sitting beside Valkyrie. He was topless, just wearing his red Riu shorts. "Hey, baby." He said in his luxurious Spanish accent.

Valkyrie smiled. "Hey, Rocky. You alright?"

"Yeah, baby, you?"

"I'm _burning!_ Help me put some sun cream on my back?"

Skulduggery cleared his throat. "Um, Rocky, I don't really think you're needed here. I've got this under control..."

But Rocky was already massaging the cream onto her back. Valkyrie giggled when he hit a ticklish spot.

Rocky leaned over so he could whisper into her ear. "My bad!"

Valkyrie burst out laughing.

Skulduggery couldn't take anymore of this. He snatched the bottle of sun cream off Rocky. Rocky looked up at Skulduggery, confused.

"I can take over from here!" Skulduggery snapped.

"Um... okay. Sure, no problem." He looked at Valkyrie. "I'll see you later, baby."

"Bye, Rocky."

Bewildered, Rocky got up and left Skulduggery and Valkyrie, continuing with his walk down the beach.

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow at Skulduggery. "Well, that was rude."

Skulduggery took over where Rocky left of and continued to awkwardly rub in the sun cream on Valkyrie's back.

"Just be quiet and sunbathe." Skulduggery muttered.

**Oh I've missed you all so much!**

**Can't wait to hear from you all!**

**Let me know how your summers are all going XD**

**xoxo**


	107. Valduggery: The Caribbean, Part 2

**Okay! Here we are with Part 2 m'dears!**

**I hope you are all having an amazing summer :D**

**All of my stories have been updated now, btw :)**

**OOOOH! Big news! You know AAAAAAGGGGEEEESS ago I said I would write a Twilght spoof with the SkulPles characters, and make it all about Valduggery? Yes, well, you probably dont - lol! - but I have! *does a happy dance* I have finally written it and posted it up, with two chapters ready for you to read if you want to :) It's called... um... it's called... um... "The Twiskul Saga, A Twilight Spoof With Valduggery" ... I think. I'm, like, 90% certain lol :)**

**So check it out if you want :)**

**And now, onto the story!**

Valkyrie looked at herself in the bathroom mirror, inspecting the dusty rose coloured dress she was wearing. It was a pretty little halter-neck dress that came in tight just under the bust, and floated out to just above her knees. Her dark hair was hanging past her shoulders in loose curls.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" She called.

Skulduggery poked his head round the door. They were sharing an apartment in the hotel. Two separate bedrooms and one bathroom to share – not that Skulduggery had any need for a bathroom, anyway.

"Are you nearly ready?" He asked. "We need to go soon, otherwise you'll miss dinner."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm almost done. Skulduggery?"

"Yes?"

She turned to face him. "What do you think of this dress?"

He tilted his skull to the side. "It's very nice."

She pouted. "You hate it, don't you?"

He leaned against the door frame, arms folded across his chest. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't need to. You gave me that _look_."

"What look? I'm a skeleton. I don't have a _look_."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "You tilted your head to the right."

"So? May well have been smiling for all you know."

"When you tilt your head to the _left_ you're smiling. When you tilt your head to the _right_ is when I know something us up. Now spill."

He sighed. "I'm just not keen on you in pink."

She pouted again. "It's not pink. It's dusty rose."

He shrugged. "Same thing. Why don't you just wear the black one? I like the black one."

She rolled her eyes and groaned. "Fine!"

She reached round her neck and undid the halter. She shimmied out of the little dress, and kicked it aside on the floor, so she was wearing nothing more than her lacy black bra and matching French knickers. Skulduggery turned around lightning quick. Valkyrie couldn't help but laugh.

"You don't have to look away, Skulduggery." She was still giggling as she spoke. "We're best friends, you shouldn't be embarrassed."

Skulduggery didn't turn back to look at her. "I know that, Valkyrie. It's just not becoming, is all."

She arched an eyebrow. "Meaning?"

"Meaning, that I am from a time where it was not acceptable to see your lady friend in her underwear. Hell, we were lucky if we even got to see a girl's ankles, let alone anything else. A flash of the _knees_ was like all your birthdays and Christmases come at once!"

Valkyrie tilted her head back and laughed. "What a load of bull! Come on, just turn around."

"No."

"Do it."

"No way."

"For God's sake, Skulduggery! It's not going to turn you into dirty old pervert by seeing your partner in her underwear! Just turn around!"

Skulduggery paused, and then let out a long sigh. "Alright! Alright!" Slowly he turned around. He saw her standing there, in her lacy black lingerie, and for reasons unbeknown to him, he became weak at the knees.

"See?" Valkyrie laughed. "Now, was that so hard?"

"No." Skulduggery said meekly.

"Good." She smiled and squeezed past him, and out into the apartment hallway, into her bedroom. She emerged again moments later in an extremely flattering, strapless, little, black dress. She turned her exposed back to him, where it needed to be done up, and simply said: "Will you do me, please?"

Skulduggery's jaw dropped open. "You want me to do _what?"_

She looked over her shoulder at him. "My zip. Will you do it, please? I'd do it up myself if I could reach."

Skulduggery laughed, getting his thoughts out from the gutter. "I'm sorry. I just thought... well, I just thought... and you..." He laughed again. "Oh, never mind. Yeah, I'll do you up."

He strode over to her and took hold of the little zip, starting at her lower back, on the back of her dress. He banished any impure thoughts from his mind, and began to zip her up. It got snagged halfway.

"Uh-oh." He murmured.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Your zip is stuck. Hold on, I think I can get it up."

Valkyrie looked back at him. "Excuse you?"

"I said, think I can get the zip up."

Valkyrie blinked. "Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, of course."

"I just need to, get a good hold of the base..." He held onto the base of the zipper at the small of her back. "And I just need to give it a quick yank..."

Skulduggery sharply tugged on the zipper, and the zip budged, doing all the way up to the top. However, in the process, Skulduggery had managed to pull her backwards, pressing her against him, at the same time his hand had slipped and moved down her back a little bit, and onto an area a little more _off-limits_ to people who were 'just friends'. They both stood there for a seconds, too shocked to move, before Skulduggery jumped away from her.

Valkyrie turned round to face him. She gave him a perplexed look, even though she was more confused by the way her heart was pounding against her ribcage. Skulduggery returned her gaze, trying to control how much his hands were shaking.

There were a few more seconds of awkward silence, before Valkyrie finally broke it.

"So..." She said, slowly. "How do I look?"

"You look..." He paused. "Beautiful."

She smiled. "Thank you."

Another brief moment of silence.

"Um, so, do you want to go down to dinner now?" He asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds great."

He nodded and activated his facade, waxy skin, blonde wavy hair, and sparkling blue eyes forming over his skull.

He smiled. "Let's go."

**Yes, there was a lot of inuendo used in this** **chapter, I know ;)**

**I hope you liked it :)**

**xoxo**


	108. Valduggery: The Caribbean, Part 3

**Hello my loverrrrlyyys! have here the next chapter in the story!**

**But first I have an announcement! I have a blog now! Yeah, I know right? I've actually joined the 21st century! I'm going to use it as a way for you all to keep up with all my stories and what updates are going on, and for whats going on with me in my life :) If you want to check it out, I'm at: .com**

**And now back to the story! Just one thing to keep in mind, I am a Michael Jackson fan - regardless of what Skulduggery says...**

Once Valkyrie and Skulduggery had finished dinner – or rather, when Valkyrie had finished – they made their way over to the stage to sit down and take their seats for tonight's entertainment. They had stopped by the bar on their way here and Valkyrie had a glass of white wine in her hand.

Skulduggery looked over at her. "Don't go mad with that stuff."

"Skulduggery," Valkyrie gave him a look. "I'm nearly twenty, remember?"

"That doesn't mean you're incapable of getting drunk."

Valkyrie laughed. She prodded a finger gently into his chest. "Listen, you, Mr Pleasant. I am on holiday and I can drink as much as a see fit. And if that means I will get absolutely smashed, then so be it."

"Yes, Valkyrie, but I am your partner and your friend, and that means I am responsible for your well being. That includes preventing you from getting rat-arsed."

She winked at him. "We'll see."

They had to stop talking as the show was starting. Tonight there was a Michael Jackson tribute act playing. Valkyrie had always been an MJ fan and that's why she was dragging Skulduggery along to see the show tonight, even though he really couldn't stand Michael Jackson.

The show began, the lights went down, and the Michael Jackson impersonator started his performance. It was just under ten minutes into the show when Skulduggery started complaining.

"How the in the _Hell_ can this be called entertainment? Where's Frank Sinatra when you need him?" Skulduggery grumbled.

"Shh!" Valkyrie flicked the side of his skull.

"I mean, sure Michael Jackson was a good dancer, but he was always showing off some funky moves – and not in a good way either. If I went out and tried doing that backwards shuffle thing; everyone would think I'm an idiot."

"You already _are_ an idiot."

"And how on Earth does he sing that high? It's like he is a helium junkie."

"For God's sake! Shut up!" Valkyrie hissed.

Skulduggery shook his head. "Have you ever noticed how Michael kind of looked like a girl?"

"I am _so_ going to punch you in the façade in a minute if you don't shut up."

"I mean, he's not exactly the most masculine fellow in the world, is he?"

Valkyrie pinched the bridge of her nose. "Lord, give me strength."

"And I want to know why he always cried when he sang that song _'She's out of my life _'? It's like, he knows that girls can't resist a sensitive man who cries, so he just does it to make all the girls go crazy. Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with him? You'd say one little thing he doesn't like, and he'd burst into tears. What a wuss."

Valkyrie turned round to face Skulduggery, with a menacing look. "Skulduggery Pleasant, if I hear one more word from you, I swear to God I am going to sit somewhere else, you hear me? One. More. Word."

Skulduggery said nothing, and just nodded.

"Good." She snapped and turned her attention back onto the show.

Skulduggery couldn't resist. He leaned over to her and whispered into her ear: _"Hee-hee!"_

"Right! That's it!" Valkyrie stood up. "I'm sitting somewhere else!"

Skulduggery burst into fits of laughter. "Oh, come on, Val. I was just joking!"

"Well, joking or not. You're pissing me off. I'm sitting somewhere else. I'll see you after the show."

"Oh, don't pout, Val, it doesn't suit you."

"I'll see you later." She turned and began to walk away. She stopped and looked back over her shoulder. "Don't follow me."

And then she walked off, leaving Skulduggery where he was, in fits of laughter.

**Sorry about the MJ jokes! I am a HUUUUUGE MJ fan, so no offence to him intended :)**

**Don't forget to check out my blog if you want :D**

**I'll update asap :)**

**xoxo**


	109. Valduggery: The Caribbean, Part 4

**More chapters here just for you :)**

**I hope you're liking the story so far! :)**

**I'm going to the Death Bringer book signing at Bluewater, London, on the tenth (this Saturday). Are any of you planning on going? I will be there, the tall blonde girl, decked out with my Skulduggery stuff, standing with a short dark-haired girl. I will probably have "Sabrina Sparrow" on the back of my t-shirt. So if you're there and you see me, give me a shout, come say hi :)**

**Oh, please no Death Bringer Spoilers in the reviews please! :)**

After the show had finished, Valkyrie was no longer angry with Skulduggery, and was more than willing to forgive and forget. She had never really been angry at him in the first place – she just liked him to think she was. She stood up, straightened her little black dress down, and tried to spot Skulduggery.

She couldn't see him; however she did spot Rocky making his way through the crowd, wearing his evening uniform, a crisp red shirt and black slacks. She caught his eye and he smiled and waved. She waved back. She was almost beside herself with giddiness when he started making his way over to her.

"Hello, Baby." He kissed her cheek.

She smiled. "Hey."

"Did you like the show?"

"I loved it."

Rocky smiled, flashing his perfect white teeth. "So, what are you up to now?"

She brushed her hair back behind her shoulders and smiled. "Well, I was going to find my friend…" She batted her eyelashes. "But I think I'd rather stick around here for a while."

Rocky laughed. "In that case, would you like to dance?"

Valkyrie couldn't help the giant grin that sprung onto her face. "I'd love to."

Rocky took her hand and led her to the dance floor. He was an excellent dancer, specialising in just about every kind of dance under the sun, and right now they were doing salsa. Valkyrie found the dancing pretty easy to pick up. All you had to do was press against your partner, sway your body and wiggle your hips in time, and your pretty much had the dance down.

Skulduggery was making his way through the crowd, looking for the beautiful dark-haired girl in black. He spotted her on the dance floor and began to make his way over to her. Then he saw who she was dancing with and paused.

Rocky.

Skulduggery sighed. The guy was nice enough, and he was sweet and kind. But it pained Skulduggery that Valkyrie couldn't see through his trick. He was probably sweet and kind and utterly _charming_ to every girl in this resort. It was his job to make all the girls feel special, like he would do anything for them, like he was falling for them.

Skulduggery had half a mind to yank Rocky off her by the scruff of his neck, throw him to the floor and show Valkyrie how to _really_ salsa. Then he realised she would probably never dance with him like that. She wasn't attracted to Skulduggery like that. Not like the way she was attracted to Rocky.

He sighed again. It was her holiday too. She was having a good time, and that was the important part. Who was he to spoil the fun she more than deserved? He turned on his heel and walked away, back to the room. He would wait for her there. He just prayed that Rocky would let her down gently.

The song ended and Rocky lifted Valkyrie's hand and kissed it. Valkyrie giggled, like an idiot. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a flash of silver.

She looked at his hand. "Rocky, what is that?"

He frowned. "What is _what_, baby?"

She grabbed his hand and lifted it, looking at the silver band on his finger. "Is... Rocky, is this a _wedding_ ring?"

He flashed a smile that would usually have flattered her. "Baby, baby, baby, it's not important. Let's just go for a walk or something. I could take you for a walk along the beach, show you the stars, it will be amazing."

She raised an eyebrow. "Except from the fact that you're married."

He frowned in confusion. "Well, baby, it's not like anything was going to happen."

"Well, you sure seemed like you liked me."

"I do. You're a nice kid."

Her mouth fell open, making a wide O shape. "A nice _kid?"_

"But, there was no way I was ever going to get involved with you. Not like that." He continued.

Valkyrie laughed once, humourlessly. "Well of course not, you're married!"

"I'm sorry if I was leading you on."

She laughed again, a little more hysterically this time. "You might have well been leading me down the aisle, for all the flirting you were doing! Then again, you've already done that, haven't you?"

Rocky sighed. "Baby..."

"And another thing. Stop calling me that! I'm not your baby! I belong to me and I'll choose who calls me baby. You got that?"

Rocky shrank away from her. "Uh, yeah. Yeah I got it."

"Awesome." She said. She turned on her heel and marched away from him. Then she paused, and said over her shoulder, "Oh, and by the way, you're dancing really sucked." With that she walked off.

She went to the closest bar on the resort and sat down on one of the stools. A handsome barman came over to serve her and smiled.

"Hello, gorgeous." He beamed. "You here all on your own?"

She gave him an acidic look. "Oh, shut up and give me a vodka and coke."

The barman was taken aback. He didn't even say anything, he just went and made her a drink, presented it to her, then left her alone.

Valkyrie was feeling lower than she had in a while. You weren't supposed to feel depressed on holiday. She had been tricked, humiliated, and for some bizarre reason she really missed Skulduggery's company.

There was clearly only one thing left to do. Get utterly smashed.

**I hoped you like it! The real Rocky was never a douche like this lol!  
**

**If you want to review, please remember no spoilers :)  
**

**It would be great if I met some of you at the signing! Can't beleive I'm going to meet Derek Landy! XD**

**xoxo**


	110. Valduggery: The Caribbean, Part 5

**OMG! Big News! I met Derek Landy at his book signng in Bluewater! Me and my best friend were possibly the most hysterical people there, holding a HUGE pink and purple "I love Derek" banner that me and my best friend gave Derek. It was the best day of my life! It was sooo worth the five hour wait, being laughed at because of the banner. I had everything planned out, I was going to act cool and smooth and be totally relaxed... and then it all went pear shaped! I don't usually babble like I did that day, but it would seem that upon meeting him I was only able to speak fluent gibberish! He signed my book, did a little drawing of Skulduggery inside, took a photo with us, AND gave us both a hug! He gave me advice on writing, helping me out with my aspiring writing career. He took a picture of all the Skulduggery personalised stuff we had on (t-shirts, bags, banner)! I gave him a poem, drawing, and story which he said he would read and get back to me on. I was so excited about meeting him I was practically in tears, and I could have sworn I was going to faint! Best day of my life!**

**Thank you to Sugarcoating for saying Hi at Bluewater :) It was great to meet you :)**

**Now, please know that this chapter is a bit of a sensitive subject. Also, there are some instances of bad language. So I guess what I am trying to say is, make sure you are age appropriate m'dears.**

**Enjoy!**

Valkyrie slapped the bar counter. "Another gin and tonic, please, m'good man!"

The barman looked at her. "Miss, I think you have had enough."

He frowned and pointed an accusing finger at him. "Hey! Don't you tell me when I'm drunk enough! I'll tell me when I'm drunk enough!"

"Miss, would you like me to call one of the other members of staff to help you back to your room?"

"What? You're throwing me out? But we were just getting to know each other!"

The barman just smiled politely. "I'll see you tomorrow, Miss." Rocky was walking past and the barman waved at him. "Rocky? Will you help escort this young Lady back to her room please?"

Rocky smiled. "Of course. Come on, Valkyrie. I'll take you back to your room."

Valkyrie unsteadily stood up and wagged a finger at Rocky. "Oh no! I am _not_ going anywhere with you, Mr I've-Already-Got-A-Wife!"

"But I just want to take you back to your room."

"Oh, I bet you would, you sleazy, rotten, womanizing, dick!"

Rocky looked hurt. "Val, I'm trying to help you."

"You want to help me? Drop dead, you worthless pile of crap." And with that, she pushed past Rocky and flounced away.

She went to the only place where she knew would be deserted, the beach. She sat down on the sand and let out a huge sigh.

"Hey sexy." She heard a voice behind her.

She looked round and saw the unfamiliar man behind her. "Who are you?"

"Hey, baby, I'm just looking for a good time." He grinned.

She stood up, "Well, you can do it without me." She went to walk by him, but he stopped her. "Let me go." She said, her voice wavering a little.

"Baby, what's the hurry?"

"Leave me alone." She shoved his hands away, the world swaying with her as she did so.

His arms encircled her waist and held her there forcefully. "But don't you want to meet my friends?" he looked over his shoulder. "Guys! I found one!" He looked back at Valkyrie. "We are all going to have so much fun together!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She roared.

She pushed him away, knowing she was _far_ too drunk to even consider using magic, and had to rely on her strength. Unfortunately she was so drunk she virtually had no strength left in her either. She went to run for it, but the stranger grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her back. She cried out and fell to her knees in the sand. The man viciously kicked her in the side, knocking her flat onto her back. He brought his boot across and kicked her in the side of the head, making tears spring to her eyes.

Valkyrie lay on the ground, stunned, wanting nothing more than to curl up and cry to herself. But she knew she had to get up and try to get away from him. Before him and his 'friends' did unspeakable things to her.

She rolled up onto her knees and launched forward onto her feet, and made a break for it. She crashed into something solid and fell painfully back down. She looked up and saw that she had crashed into a person. He was leering down at her, two other people flanking him. This must have been the other man's 'friends'.

The man looked down at her. He reached down, closed his hand around her throat and hauled her too his feet. He grinned, "Hey, man, she's pretty. Where'd you find her?" He looked at Valkyrie. "Hey, sweetness, you got a name?"

"Bite me!" Valkyrie hissed, and spat in his face.

The man wiped his face clean with his sleeve and glared at Valkyrie. "You little _bitch_!" He punched her in the side of her head, his fist connecting with her cheekbone. Valkyrie did a little twirl before falling to the ground in an agonizing heap.

"Enough of this!" One man snapped. "We're wasting time. Who's going first?"

"I am." Said the man Valkyrie had spat at. "Hold her down."

Valkyrie's head snapped up to look at him. "No!" She cried. "No! No! Please!"

She tried to make another run for it, but she was kicked back down to the floor. The men circled her, holding her down. She screamed, a raw, terrified scream, but a hand was clamped around her mouth. And just when she though all hope was lost...

"Get the Hell away from her, you sick, evil, bastards," Said a voice from behind them.

The four men looked up and saw the tall, slender man in the incredibly tailored suit. His black hair was hanging low over his dark blue eyes. His face was full of animalistic fury.

"Who are you?" Asked one of the men.

"I'm Skulduggery FREAKING Pleasant, and I'm about to blow your bloody brains out. Who the Hell are you?"

"What's it to you?"

Skulduggery tilted his head. "What's it to _me_? Did you miss the part about me blowing your brains out? Now, you have three seconds to get your sorry asses away from the girl or I _will_ kill you."

One man stood up and walked over to Skulduggery. "Oh yeah? You and what army?"

Skulduggery got out his gun and held it up to the man's face. "Me and this army"

The man's face paled. "Yo! Dudes! He's got a gun! He's got a gun, dudes!"

The other three men looked up in alarm.

"Run!" One of the hollered.

They all suddenly bolted, sprinting away in the opposite direction of Skulduggery, leaving Valkyrie curled up in a ball on the ground. Skulduggery saw her and his imaginary heart shattered. He ran to her and kneeled beside her. He could hear her choked sobs.

"It's okay, Valkyrie. It's okay. I'm here. It's okay."

She didn't answer, she just continued to cry.

He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her. He scooped her up in his arms, growling softly when he saw what they had done to her face. He carried her back to the room, only thankful that he got to her in time.

**I'll update as soon as I can.  
**

**I hope you liked it.**

**xoxo**


	111. Valduggery: The Caribbean, part 6

**More Valduggery goodness for you all :)**

Skulduggery set Valkyrie down on the bed. She was still trembling from head to toe, her body slowly going into shock. She shrugged off Skulduggery's jacket and tried to unzip her dress, but her hands were shaking so much, her numb fingers could only just about fumble with the zip.

"Here, let me help." Skulduggery said, softly. He put his hands on her to pull the zip down and he felt her go rigid under his touch. He looked at her, concerned, although you'd never be able to tell. "It's only me, Val. I'm just trying to help, okay?"

She nodded silently, a tear rolling down her cheek. Skulduggery brushed it away for her and went back to the zip.

"Do you need help getting out of it?" He asked, gently.

She nodded again.

He put his hands on her dress and gently tugged it over her torso, past her hips and down her legs, leaving her sitting there, in her black, lacy, matching underwear. He folded the dress up and laid it on a nearby chair. He rummaged through Valkyrie's dressers and pulled out her black, silk camisole that she slept in. He helped her into that and sat down with her on the bed.

"How does that feel?" He asked. "Are you comfortable? Are you okay?"

She nodded yet again.

"I'm going to go get an ice pack from the freezer to put on your cheek okay?"

Another nod.

Skulduggery disappeared into the tiny kitchen they had in their room and appeared minutes later with an icepack. He sat back down next to her.

"This may sting a little." He warned.

He put the ice against her face and she cried out in alarm, jarring away from him.

Skulduggery reached out and took her hand. "Shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay. I know it hurts, but it will make the swelling go down."

When she shuffled back, closer to him, he put the ice pack back against her cheek. She winced the moment it made contact, but stayed put. Skulduggery squeezed her hand, comfortingly. After a few minutes he took the ice pack away.

"Any better?" He asked.

She nodded.

He sighed, softly. "Valkyrie, please say something. Anything. Please, I'm begging you. Just one word so I know you're going to be okay."

She looked at him. "I hurt, Skulduggery." She whispered.

He tilted his head. "Where? Where does it hurt?"

She burst into tears. "Everywhere. It's hurts everywhere."

Skulduggery took her into his arms immediately, cradling her against his chest.

"It's okay." He soothed. "It's okay. It's alright. I'm here now; everything's going to be alright."

"Can I have a bath?" She asked, in a small voice. "Can I use some of Kenspeckle's healing crystals and have a bath?"

"Of course you can." He shuffled her off his lap and laid her back down on the bed. "Of course you can. I'll just go run it for you."

He disappeared into the bathroom, ran a bath, dissolving the healing crystals in it – making lots of bubbles, and returned back out to her five minutes later.

"It's all ready for you in there." He said, kindly.

Valkyrie tried getting off the bed, but her legs wobbled and gave way beneath her. She would have fallen if it were not for Skulduggery, darting over to her, scooping her up in his arms. He carried her into the bathroom and set her down on the side of the bath.

He was about the leave, when a thought occurred to him. "Um…" He began. "Do, uh, do you need help?"

Valkyrie looked up at him. "No, no, not if it's going to make you uncomfortable."

He tilted his head. "It won't make me feel uncomfortable – I'm not even going to look – I just… don't know whether it's wise to leave you alone in here…"

She smiled the tiniest of smiles. "Then, yes please. I'd like some help."

She lifted her arms and Skulduggery gently pulled the silk camisole over her head, leaving her – once again – in her lacy black underwear.

"Um…" Skulduggery said, awkwardly. "Do you need me to, uh…?"

"No, I think I got this."

"Excellent," Skulduggery said, turning around. "Just let me know when it's okay to turn back."

Valkyrie slipped off her bra and French knickers, kicking them aside, and slid into the bath. The hot water felt delicious against her skin. The bubbles submerged her, coving al the bare essentials.

"Okay," she said, "you can turn around now."

Skulduggery turned around and saw his beautiful partner in the bath, the odd thought that the only thing between her naked body and him was a thin layer of bath bubbles made him a little weak at the knees. He sat on the edge of the bath and looked at her in what he hopes she could tell was his way of smiling.

He picked up a sponge, squirted some bath soap onto it and massaged it until it was frothing with scented bubbles. He took Valkyrie's hand, holding her arm out of the water and gently scrubbed her skin. He did the same with her other arm and her legs when she held them up out of the water for him.

She had her chin tilted back, head resting against the edge of the bath enjoying every relaxing moment.

Skulduggery scrubbed her back for her too, and when she dunked her head underwater and came back up, he proceeded to shampoo and condition her gorgeous, silky, black hair.

She dunked under the water again, washing all the bubbles out of her hair and reappeared again.

"Ready to get out?" He asked.

She nodded, her expression looking much calmer than it had been an hour ago.

Skulduggery went over to the other side of the bathroom, got a warm towel, and went back to the side of the bath opening it wide before him.

He turned his head away. "You can stand up, I'm not looking."

Valkyrie stood up and took the towel, wrapping it around herself. "I'm decent." She said.

Skulduggery looked back at her. "Marvellous. Are you feeling any better?"

"A _lot_ better."

Laughing quietly, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her out of the tub.

"I'm going to wait out there; you think you can get all this back on by yourself?"

"Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem."

"Oh, good. I'll, uh, I'll just be out there."

"I'll be out in a minute."

Skulduggery nodded once, turned, and disappeared back into the bedroom. Minutes later, Valkyrie joined him back in her underwear, her silk camisole on over the top.

Skulduggery stood up from where he was sitting and helped her back over, onto her bed. He laid her down and pulled the covers over her. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, taking her hand.

"Thank you for everything you've done tonight." She smiled, softly.

"Don't mention it." He replied. "How are you feeling? Are you comfortable enough? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine. Really."

He nodded and patted her hand. "Okay then. I'm going to let you get some sleep." He stood up. "Good night, Valkyrie."

He went to leave but she grabbed his hand.

"Wait." She whispered. "Please don't go."

**I'll update soon :D**

**xoxo**


	112. Valduggery: The Caribbean, Part 7

**Hello my little darlings! Here is another chapter update for you. Sorry about the delay, I was ill all of last week - bummer - but now I am back and better than ever!**

**Now, this is the last chapter in the "Caribbean" series**. **However, this is very important. This chapter gets extremely STEAMY if you know what I am saying. Yes, I know, all you Valduggery extreme-ists out there are jumping for joy, but please remember to be 'age appropriate' when you read this. This is for TEENS. This chapter certainly ain't for kiddies! ;)**

**And now... enjoy!**

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery's voice was pained. "No. I can't."

"Please." She whispered. "Just stay the night."

"You know what happened last time I stayed the night with you. There was cuddling, and touching and caressing..." He shook his head clear. "We both made a mistake. I can't let that happen again."

She gripped his skeletal hand tighter. "Please don't leave me."

He sighed. "Val, I shouldn't _feel_ this way about you. I'm not _supposed_ to feel this way."

She sighed and let go of his hand, her gaze falling down into her lap. "Do you ever feel like there isn't one person in the world who loves you?" She suddenly asked.

He tilted his head at her. "Valkyrie... there are many people who love you. Your mum, dad, cousins, uncle–"

She cut him off. "Not that kind of love." She looked up at him. "I'm not talking about unconditional love from your family. I'm talking about the kind of love you earn. When somebody falls _in_ love with you." Tears formed in her eyes. "I don't think there is a single person on this Earth who feels that way about me, Skulduggery. Not one person."

She burst into tears and Skulduggery was beside her in an instant. He enveloped her in a tight embrace, stroking her hair.

"Don't be so silly." He said, softly. "That's absolute _gibberish_."

"How do you know that?" She sobbed.

"Because I know one person who is deeply in love with you, Valkyrie." He looked into her eyes with his hollow eye-sockets. "I know one person who loves you so much... it almost hurts him."

She frowned slightly. "Who's that?"

Skulduggery sighed and held Valkyrie's face in his hands. God, she was beautiful – even crying. He brushed the hair off her face, his fingers trailing lightly across her cheekbones.

"Oh, Valkyrie." He groaned. "I think you already know the answer to that."

Valkyrie's eyes widened. Slowly, she reached a hand up to gently touch his cheekbone. "Skulduggery..." She whispered.

He sighed. "I can feel that, you know – when you touch me. My skeleton form is very sensitive. I can still feel your touch."

"How does it feel?"

"Magnificent."

Valkyrie hesitated before making her next move. She leaned in close to him and pulled back his collar, exposing bone. Slowly, she brought her lips down onto where his neck would be, tenderly kissing the side of his spinal column. She felt him shiver with delight at her touch.

She drew back and looked at him.

"Don't stop." He whispered.

Valkyrie reached up to him and put both of her hands either side of his skull. She slowly inclined her face towards him and hesitated, her lips inches away from his teeth.

"I love you." He whispered, barely audible.

Without wasting and more time, Valkyrie pressed her lips to his teeth. It was an odd sensation. She didn't know how to kiss him when he had no lips. It didn't feel weird or bad – it actually felt quite nice, it was just peculiar. Instead of having lips beneath hers, there were cold, smooth, teeth. She pressed her lips to him with more determination.

Skulduggery felt fireworks go off inside him. There were no words to even describe how this felt. He trembled with pleasure from her touch. His arms wound around her waist, clutching at the edges of her tiny silk camisole.

Valkyrie pulled away from him and put her hands on his shoulders. She guided him down so that he was lying on his back. Straddling his hips, she leant down and kissed him again. She pulled away from him once more.

"I love you too." She said, softly, smiling. "I love you so much."

Her hands went to his shirt buttons, and slowly she began to undo them. She opened his shirt, revealing his empty ribcage. Almost seeming ashamed of his body, Skulduggery gently pushed her hands away and sat up.

"No, Valkyrie." He begged. "Stop, please. I can't control myself around you. I don't want to take advantage."

She kissed his spinal column again, talking between kisses. "You're not..." _Kiss_. "Taking advantage..." _Kiss_. "I want this..." _Kiss._

Skulduggery sighed again, but this time it was a sigh of defeat. He lay back down and Valkyrie smiled. She moved her hand over to his torso, her fingertips brushing over his collarbone. Her hands trailed across his breast-bone, down his ribs, inside his ribcage, up his spine – anywhere she could get to. Skulduggery shivered beneath her and groaned.

"You have no idea how that feels." He whispered.

"Good or bad?" She asked.

"So good."

She laughed gently and he sat up. He rolled her over so that he was lying on top of her. His hands ran up her legs, skimming her inner-thighs, tracing over her hips, griping desperately at her waist. Valkyrie bit her bottom lip, resisting the urge to groan at his touch.

She reached up and grabbed his collar bone, pulling him closer to her, accidentally activating his façade in the process. He had black hair that hung low over his green eyes. He was _extremely _handsome.

"Oops." She giggled.

Skulduggery, however, seemed to tense up.

She looked at him. "What's the matter?"

Then she noticed something. Where his skeletal hand had been resting on her leg before, it felt different now. And warmer. Almost like...

_Skin?_

Valkyrie looked down at his chest, expecting to see his open ribcage, and instead saw a toned, muscular, torso.

His façade covered all of him. She was amazed. She ran her fingers down his perfectly sculpted body.

"Oh... my... God..." She whispered. "You're façade gives you a body now?"

He cleared his throat, uncomfortably. "Um, yes, China fixed this up for me. Now my façade gives me a fully working body. Well, not just _any_ body, I suppose." He paused. "She gave me _my_ body back. This is what I used to look like, Valkyrie. Back when I was human."

Valkyrie gasped. "Skulduggery, you're... beautiful."

He laughed, softly. "Um, thank you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He looked uncomfortable again. "Because... well..." He sighed. "I didn't think you'd like me. You're used to me as a skeleton, I didn't think you'd like the old me."

She ran her fingers through his beautiful head of hair. "Skulduggery, I love you. End of. I wouldn't care if you were a _smurf_, okay? I'd still love you."

He laughed. "Well, that certainly puts my mind at rest."

She grinned. "Plus, with a body you can do this..." She kissed his neck "And this..." She bit his bottom lip. "And _this_..." She tenderly kissed him.

Skulduggery gently moaned against her lips. "Oh, God, I love you so much."

She pulled away and looked at him, lovingly. "Take me."

He arched an eyebrow at her. "What?"

"Please." She whispered. "Now that we can, I want to do everything I possibly can with you. I need to show you how much I love you."

He bit his bottom lip, not even realising how sexy it made him look. "Valkyrie, I don't know..."

"Please. I want this. I love you. I _need_ you. Please, Skulduggery."

Slowly, a smile crept over his lips. His moth descended upon hers, making Valkyrie giggle against his lips. Their bodies crushed together, hands caressing each other.

It was a magical night. Not one they were ever likely to forget.

There was never a better place to Skulduggery and Valkyrie than the Caribbean.

**Don't say I didn't warn you. Told you it was steamy! LOLOLOL!**

**Hope you liked it m'dears!**

**Honest reviews would be loooooooovely! :D**

**Until the next update... I am Sabrina Sparrow!**

**xoxo**


	113. Valduggery: Games Night

**Hellooooo my lovelys! I hope you are all well!**

**This idea was inspired by the amazing Adrasdos Dark!**

**In this story Valkyrie is about 18 years old, and her and Fletcher have broken up years ago.**

**I really want to start writing chapters with Death Bringer spoilers - but I don't want to ruin it for the peple who havent already read it yet! So, hows this for a deal, what about if I give it another month before the spoilers start coming ourt? Let me know what you think!**

**And now, the story!**

"Okay," Valkyrie said as she sat down in the circle with the others, putting a bowl of popcorn in the centre, "what are we playing now?"

It was a Saturday night. There were no cases on. And everyone was BORED. They were all there: Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Tanith (the remnant freshly extracted from her), Ghastly, Fletcher, and Erskine.

And tonight they were having a games night.

"Well," Fletcher began to count on his fingers, "so far, we've played truth or dare, Balderdash, Pictionary, charades, would you rather, Disney Trivia, Scrabble, Twilight scene-it, Cluedo, Guess Who, Monopoly, and a rousing game of wink murder – thank you Skulduggery for punching me in the face, by the way."

Skulduggery shrugged. "I can't help it if I got too carried away. You tried to murder me."

"It wasn't real!"

"I still feared for my life."

Fletcher frowned. "You're a skeleton! You're already dead!"

Skulduggery tilted his head. "And your point is…?"

"Enough gentleman." Erskine grinned. "I know what we can play."

Tanith rolled her eyes. "Erskine, I swear to God, if you suggest we play "What was your first" I _will_ punch you in the face. So help me God I will."

Erskine laughed. "What's wrong with it? It's great fun!"

"Yeah, until someone asks you, what was your first sexua–"

"I said I was sorry!" Fletcher snapped. "I won't ask again!"

Ghastly held up his hands. "Okay, okay! I say we play the game, but we start off with something simple. Like… what was your first word?"

"Oh!" Fletcher thrust his hand in the air. "I know! Boobs!"

Valkyrie looked at him. "Fletcher, your first word was _boobs?"_

He shrugged. "I am a man of simple pleasures."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "You're a douche."

"Oh yeah, what was your first word?"

Valkyrie blushed. "Oh, um…. It was… um…"

"Yes?" He prompted.

"Barbie." She cringed.

Everyone in the circle fell about laughing.

"You used to play with _Barbies_?" Fletcher scoffed.

"Better than playing with boobs, num-nutts!"

Fletcher laughed and looked over at Erskine. "What was your first word?"

Erskine sighed. "Must I say?"

"Yes." Everyone said, simultaneously.

He sighed. "Oh fine. My first word was… bra."

Again, everyone fell about laughing.

"Erskine," Valkyrie laughed, "what the _hell?"_

He shrugged. "I was a flirtatious toddler."

"Who played with bras?"

Erskine grinned. "My older sister was secretly a burlesque dancer. When she was supposed to be babysitting she'd take me to the club she worked at and left me with all her beautiful work-friends while she was performing. I learned _lots_ of saucy words from those girls when I was young."

Fletcher and Ghastly high-fived him.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Ghastly grinned at him. Then he saw the look Tanith was giving him and immediately shut up.

"You're all so odd." Skulduggery said. "My first word was positively normal."

"What was it? Valkyrie asked.

"World-Domination."

Valkyrie blinked. "That is so not normal."

Tanith laughed. "It's better than me. My first word was _assassinate_. Where on earth does a toddler learn the word _assassinate_ from?"

Ghastly put an arm around her and kissed her hair. "That's my girl."

"Ghastly, what was your first word?" Fletcher asked, eagerly.

He smiled, sheepishly. "Rum"

Skulduggery laughed. "Wonderful! So in our little camaraderie here we have a pervert, a Barbie fanatic, a womaniser, an evil overlord, an assassin and an alcoholic!"

Fletcher frowned. "Wait… which one was I?"

Valkyrie grinned. "Okay, new question. Who was your first kiss? Fletcher?"

Fletcher smiled. Gosh… there have been _so many. _ I don't know where to start…"

"It was me, wasn't it?" Valkyrie asked.

Fletcher sagged. "Yes."

She patted his shoulder. "It's okay; you were my first kiss too."

"Really?"

"Good _God_ no!" She laughed. "My first kiss was with Josh Snivell, class geek in a game of spin the bottle, at my thirteenth birthday party. It was _rank_ – he had nacho breath!"

"That sucks." Erskine laughed. "My first kiss was with Nancy Hartman, headliner at my sister's Burlesque club, where I ended up working in once I'd turned sixteen. God, she had legs like you wouldn't _believe!_ She was nineteen years old and kinky as hell. She lured me into the backroom… and well… you get the idea."

Fletcher was practically drooling. "Tell me about her legs again!"

Skulduggery slapped the back of his head. "Dirty-minded little twit."

Fletcher looked over at him. "Okay, Romeo, who was your first kiss with?"

Skulduggery's tone sounded like he was smiling. "My wife. I met her when we were both seventeen. I fell in love instantly and spent all my time agonising over whether or not it would be improper of me to kiss her. I finally did and three year later, we were married."

"Skulduggery, that's beautiful!" Squealed Tanith. "Oh, that is so much better than my first kiss!"

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad." Skulduggery replied.

"It was with a girl."

"Okay so maybe it _was_ that bad."

Ghastly looked at her. "Hold on! Hold on! What were you doing, going around kissing a load of girls?"

She shrugged. "I was fifteen. I was curious. It was a confusing time. Sue me."

Ghastly pouted. "Well, yeah, adolescence was a confusing time for me too, but you don't see me pouncing onto Skulduggery and kissing him!"

"To which I am very pleased!" Skulduggery interjected.

Tanith raised an eyebrow at Ghastly. "Okay so who was _your _first kiss?"

Ghastly blushed. "Um…" he mumbled. "Well, it was with you, Tanith."

Tanith grinned. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Ghastly! That is so sweet!"

"Hold on a minute!" Fletcher frowned. "How comes it wasn't sweet when _I'd_ only ever kissed one girl?"

Skulduggery looked at him. "Because no one cares about you."

Tanith tenderly kissed Ghastly. "I'm going to be the only woman you're ever going to kiss again."

Ghastly grinned and kissed her back. "No objections."

Tanith pulled away and looked at the group. "Okay, new question. Who was the first person you ever fell in love with?" She looked at Ghastly. "Because for me it was this man right here."

Ghastly smiled. "And for me it was this woman here."

Erskine rubbed his chin, thoughtfully. "Gee… I don't know. There have been so many beautiful women… Oh! I know! Her name was Cindy Lu, and she was a girl who lived down my street when I was twelve years old. It was love at first sight. She was the only girl who I liked enough not to put gum in her hair. Good times."

"Ah, puppy love." Skulduggery laughed.

Fletcher looked at Skulduggery. "Yeah, well, we all know who _your_ first love was." He started to do a really bad impression of Skulduggery. "I love my wife so much! She is so beautiful and perfect! I'd take a bullet for her! Blah blah blah!"

Skulduggery slapped him round his head again. "Shut your face you manga character reject."

"But I'm right aren't I?"

Skulduggery paused. "Well _duh."_

Valkyrie elbowed Fletcher in the ribs. "Oit! Manga reject! Your first love?"

Fletcher cringed. "Oh, you're not going to make me admit to it, are you?"

"Of course I am."

"You're a cow."

"Point taken. Now admit it."

Fletcher rolled his eyes. "Oh fine! Listen world, my first love was Valkyrie Bloody Cain – even though she broke my heart! Happy now?"

She nodded. "Immensely. Okay! Next question–"

"Hold on a minute!" Erskine grinned. "You never told us who _your_ first love was, Miss Cain!"

"Uh…" Valkyrie's eyes flickered over to Skulduggery and he caught her looking at him. She quickly looked away. "Okay!" She clapped her hands together. "Let's play a new game!"

**Hoped you liked this story muchly m'dears!**

**Thanks again to Adrasdos Dark - you're EPIC!**

**Let me know about the spoilers thing :)**

**Have a great weekend guys!**

**xoxo**


	114. Valduggery: Gentlemen's Night Out Part 1

**Here we are! Another story!**

**This is only part one - there will be a part two!**

**Note: I do not own the song used in this chapter :)**

**WARNING: This is a HIGHLY suggestive chapter. Please be age appropriate - this aint for kids ;)**

**Thank you Adrasdos Dark for the Coach-a-bowers idea :D You're legendary!**

Due to the recent events of Tanith having the remnant extracted from her via the coach-a-bowers – upon stepping inside it she was instantly dead, and when she stepped out of it she was instantly re-born again – her and Ghastly had been together for the last four years. Ghastly had finally popped the question. It had taken him all the courage he had to get down onto one knee, present her with a ring and ask her to marry him. Tanith had said yes in the form of a passionate kiss.

They were getting married tomorrow morning, and Skulduggery and Erskine were taking Ghastly out for his last night of 'freedom'.

This was how the three of them had ended up in a burlesque club, one starry night in Dublin.

Skulduggery had his façade on; today his face was just as handsome as any other day. Perfect skin flowed over his high cheek-bone and square jaw. His bronze-brown hair was tousled and perfectly imperfect, his eyes were such a dark brown they were nearly black. Tonight he was definitely a 'ladies man'.

All the guys had agreed to put masquerade masks on – the ones that only covered their eyes – for the night, so that if they got drunk and caused too much trouble they wouldn't be identifiable. Skulduggery's mask was black and velvety to match his voice.

Ghastly too had his façade on, covering his scars, making him look so good-looking he was almost unrecognisable. His mask was made of grey silk. Erskine was looking as gorgeous as ever, more of a model for Prada than a Grand Mage, wearing a midnight blue mask that matched his eyes.

All three of them went into a burlesque club called " Naughty But Nice" and were shown to a table by a cute girl in her early twenties, in a tiny little waitress outfit. The girl gave the boy's a wink and a giggle, making them all grin like mad, before she took their drink orders. She came back five minutes later with a pint each for Erskine and Ghastly, but of course nothing for Skulduggery.

The girl sat down on the arm of Skulduggery's chair. "Are you sure there's nothing I can get for you, sugar?"

Skulduggery smiled. "No thank you, darling." He fished around in his pocket and pulled out a couple of bank notes. "But here you go, treat yourself to something, on me."

She took the money and winked at him. "Thanks. Later, tiger."

She walked off and Erskine and Ghastly gave Skulduggery a look.

"What?" Skulduggery asked, innocently.

"When did you become the ladies man?" Ghastly asked with a laugh.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Erskine laughed. "Oh, come off it, Skulduggery!" He began to imitate Skulduggery's voice: _"Here you go, darling, treat yourself to something on me!"_

Skulduggery grinned, devilishly. "Gentlemen, just because I am a living skeleton, it doesn't mean that the ladies find me any less irresistible."

Before either Ghastly or Erskine could retort with anything, the lights went down, signalling the start of the show.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN – OH, WHO AM I KIDDING? GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE _NAUGHTY BUT NICE_ BURLESQUE CLUB! TONIGHT WE OPEN THE SHOW WITH OUR FAVORITE LITTLE LADY – MISS VALERIE, PRINCESS OF THE POLE!"

A spotlight came on, illuminating where a beautiful girl with long legs and waist-length black hair was standing like a goddess on the stage. She was wearing a tiny, red and black show-girl outfit, adorned with feathers and sequins, just covering the bare-essentials. She was wearing a matching black and red masquerade mask that just covered her eyes. Her glossed, red lips were pulled into a dazzling smile.

Both Erskine's, Ghastly's and Skulduggery's jaws all dropped as they each breathed a simultaneous, "Woah!"

The music to _'Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend'_ came on.

_The French are glad to die for love..._

The beautiful girl began to sing.

_A kiss on the hand may be quite continental,  
but diamonds are a girls best friend.  
A kiss may be grand, but it  
won't pay the rent on your humble flat,  
or help you feed your mrowr, pussy cat._

Valerie started to dance to the sexy music, making her way through the crowd. She stopped at one wealthy-looking man, and sat on his lap, stroking his chest. He whispered something into her ear before shoving a bill into the garter around her thigh. She got up and continued to dance and sing through the crowd.

_Men grow cold as girls grow old,_  
_and we all loose our charms in the end_  
_But square cut or pear shaped_  
_these rocks dont lose their shape._  
_Diamonds are a girls best friend._

She stopped at one man who was walking past her. She grinded up and down him, earning another note in the process.

_Come and get me boys._

She climbed up onto one table and danced some more, swaying her hips in time with the music. A cheer went up from the crowd, men grabbing at her, chucking notes at her.

_There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer._  
_But diamonds are a girls best friend._

She let the men help her down off the table and she wiggled her way through the crowd. She suddenly spotted the three men in the crowd who were wearing masks like her. She grinned and made her way over to them.

"Oi oi." Erskine grinned. "Look lively, boys. She is coming this way."

The three men sat in their chairs trying their best not to grin like idiots.

_There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer._  
_Thinks your awful nice._  
_But shake that ice or else no dice._

Valerie went to Erskine first. She sat on his lap and ravished him with her hands, ripping open his shirt and running her hands over his toned body. By now, Erskine's smile was so big he looked like he might swallow his own head. He stuffed a bill in her bra, and Valerie kissed his cheek before getting off him and moving onto Ghastly.

_He's your guy when stocks are high,_  
_but beware when they start to descend_  
_Diamonds are a girls best,_  
_diamonds are a girls best,_  
_diamonds are a girls best friend._

Ghastly – who was usually quite shy when it came to intimacy – had no qualms about taking Valerie onto his lap as she gave him a very thorough lap dance. He held a bill in-between his teeth and Valerie grinned at the fact she had to near-kiss him to get it. She safely tucked it away in her bra and moved onto the last man – Skulduggery.

_Lets make love._  
_Oh yes!_

Valerie didn't know what it was, but she found herself quite attracted to this man – whoever he was, and decided to give him the best show. She started off my standing over him, suggestively dancing, making him laugh. She slowly sat down onto his lap and ran her hands through his hair. She leaned in to kiss him all over his perfectly chiselled face. She shimmied on his lap, wiggling her hips in a playful way.

Skulduggery laughed. She had definitely earned the couple of notes he was giving her. He went to stuff the bill in her garter, but paused when he saw the elemental magic tattoo on her thigh. There was only one girl in the world that had that tattoo.

He reached up and ripped off her mask. Valkyrie looked back at him and blinked, confused.

"Valkyrie?" He roared.

Her eyes widened as she realised who this man was. "Skulduggery?" She screamed.

**Like I said... it was HIGHLY suggestive!**

**I hope you like it!**

**Part 2 will be up soon!**

**xoxo**


	115. Valduggery: Gentlemen's Night Out Part 2

**Part 2 is here!**

"Oh my God!" Valkyrie screamed. "OH MY _GOD_!"

"OH MY GOD!" Skulduggery yelled.

"HOLY CRAP!" Erskine shouted.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Ghastly bellowed.

"OH MY FREAKING' GOD!" Valkyrie screamed again. "WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? SERIOUSLY?"

Skulduggery's façade frowned. "What am _I_ doing here? I'm a guy – we have needs – that's why I here! What are _you_ doing here?"

"Earning a living!" She realised she was still sitting on Skulduggery's lap. She jumped up and shuddered. "Ew! Oh my God, I can't believe I gave you a _lap dance! _Ewww_!"_

"Oh dear God…" Skulduggery groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Valkyrie pointed an accusing finger at Erskine. "And _you_! You stuffed money into my _bra!"_

Erskine cringed. "Yeah, please don't remind me."

She turned her glare onto Ghastly. "And you! Don't even get me started on _you_! I almost _kissed_ you!"

Ghastly went bright red. "In our defence, Valkyrie, We didn't know it was you underneath that mask."

"Yeah." Erskine added. "_You _came onto _us_!"

Valkyrie was seething. "BECAUSE I DIDN'T BLOODY WELL KNOW IT WAS YOU!"

Skulduggery just groaned and repeated. "Oh dear God…"

Valkyrie slapped him upside his head. "I don't know what you're moaning about! I just gave all you a bloody lap dance! Jheeze! I actually _grinded_ you! Eurgh!" She shuddered again. "Oh God, this is just too weird! I'm getting changed for my next number – you three need to leave before I next go onstage! _Bye!"_

With that, she turned on her stiletto heel, and marched away from them, not nearly as sexy as the way she had walked over to them.

Skulduggery scowled after her. "What? No! Come back here – I'm not done with you yet, young lady!"

Erskine cringed again. "Not something you really want to say in here, Skul."

Skulduggery rolled his eyes and strode off after Valkyrie.

Ghastly sighed, still blushing. "Oh God, I was _not_ expecting that."

"I know." Erskine murmured. "Who knew Valkyrie could sing, eh?"

Ghastly shook his head. "That is _so_ not the main focus here, Erskine."

"Oh, right." He nodded. "So… so are we staying for her next dance then?"

Ghastly looked at Erskine incredulously. "_Dude?"_

Erskine hung his head. "Sorry. Sorry that was a stupid question."

"_Jheeze_, Erskine."

There was a pause. Then Erskine said, "So, just to be clear, that was a _no_ right?"

Ghastly groaned, "Oh my…"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Skulduggery followed Valkyrie into her dressing room. She turned round and glared at him.

"What are you doing here?" She snapped. "I need to get ready for my next song!"

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery said, voice low and stern, "you are _not_ going out onto that stage again."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Um, excuse me? I'm nineteen now! Who do you think you are? My _father_?"

"I'm your friend of seven years who doesn't want to see you being ogled at by overly-horny men!"

"Um, you were in the crowd, Skulduggery – you are one of the _'overly-horny'_ men _'ogling_' me."

"Yeah, that's because when I was ogling you, I didn't know that Valerie, Princess of the bloody pole was my best friend!"

"Look, just leave please. I need to get changed."

"I'm not letting you objectify yourself like that again, Valkyrie, you're worth more than that." He suddenly realised he was staring at her cleavage. He shook all impure thoughts from his head, and uncomfortably looked away from her. "And for the love of _God_, put some clothes on!"

"Well I'm trying to get changed and you're keeping me."

He looked over at her, suspiciously, making sure he was looking at her eyes and nothing else. "What exactly are you wearing for your next number, may I ask?"

Valkyrie rummaged around in her dresser and pulled out a pair of gold French knickers and nothing else. "This."

Skulduggery felt his eyes momentarily bug out of his head. He blinked hard and pushed his libido back down. "You're going _topless?"_

She blushed slightly. "You can see why I don't want you here."

"Oh, trust me; I'm not going to be here."

"Good."

"And neither are you."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Excuse you?"

Skulduggery said in his firmest tone, "Valkyrie Cain, put your damn coat on and get your barely-covered arse out of this place and into the Bentley, _right now_!"

Valkyrie put her hands on her hips. "No."

"I said _now."_

"I said _no_."

"Valkyrie, don't make me _make you._"

She laughed, once, humourlessly. "I'd like to see you try."

Skulduggery paused. "Very well."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What?"

He strode over to her, grabbed her by the waist, lifted her up, and slung her over his shoulder. "Time to go, Princess."

She kicked and fought against him. "Skulduggery! Skulduggery, put me down!"

"Sorry, what was that? I can't hear you past all the strategically placed feathers and sequins."

"That's not funny! Now put me _down_!"

Skulduggery ignored her and made for the dressing room door. He was stopped when a tall, gaunt man in a black suit and black mask like Skulduggery's stepped through the doorway into Valkyrie's dressing room.

"Shudder?" Skulduggery was surprised.

Shudder's smiled as he recognised the man's voice. "Oh Skulduggery – it _is_ you! I'm sorry I was late. I just got here and I spotted the boys as was going to go over and see them, when I thought I heard your voice, so I thought I'd come and see you first." He smiled again, brilliantly, unaware of the situation. Then he frowned slightly. "Who's the sexy lady over your shoulder?"

"Shudder? It's me, you twat!" Valkyrie called, over her shoulder.

"Valkyrie?" Shudder was faintly horrified.

"As if this could possibly be more awkward..." Valkyrie sighed.

**Part 3 will be up soon!**

**xoxo**


	116. Valduggery: Gentlemans Night Out Part 3

**The final part in the Gentleman's night out series!**

**Just a quick note, I have updated my blog with a new post, completely dedicated to The Lion King. The link to my blog is on my profile page :) Read and comment if you want :)**

**Back to the story - remember, this stuff ain't for kiddies! ;)**

"OH MY GOD!" Shudder yelled. "OH MY GOD, VALKYRIE!"

Valkyrie sighed. "Oh, please not again." She squirmed out of Skulduggery's grip and stood firmly back on the ground. She turned round to face Shudder. "Anton, I hate to break it to you, but you're all leaving. I have a topless number next and none of you are seeing it."

But Shudder wasn't paying attention anymore. His eyes were suddenly drawn to her cleavage.

"Uhh..." He murmured.

Valkyrie sighed and pointed to her face. "I'm up here, Anton."

Skulduggery shifted uncomfortably. "Anton, remember your decorum."

Shudder blinked hard. "Sorry. Uh... I... uh... I'm sorry..."

Valkyrie sighed again. "Up here, Anton, I'm up _here_."

Skulduggery stepped up to Shudder. "Anton can you please stop staring at my best friend's breasts?"

"EW!" Valkyrie groaned. "SKULDUGGERY!"

He looked round at her. "What?"

"Don't say that!"

"What? Breasts?"

"YES! THAT! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE REFFERING TO MINE!"

"Hey, Val?" Shudder interrupted. "What dime did you say your next show was?"

"ANTON!" Skulduggery roared.

Shudder shrank back. "I'll um... I'll just find the boys shall I?"

Shudder turned n his heel and speed-walked back the way he had came.

Valkyrie went to push past Skulduggery, but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked, sternly.

"My curtain goes up in 3 minutes and I'm not even dressed."

"_Un-_dressed, you mean."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh _ha-ha_, very funny."

"I don't want you going out there. Please."

Valkyrie sighed. "This is my decision. You can't stop me. As my friend I'm asking you to respect my wishes."

"But–"

She shook her head. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing. This is my life. If you had any respect for me, you'd let me live it."

Skulduggery hung his head. "But... I don't _like_ this. It's not right. You're a prize, Valkyrie. Not a worthless piece of eye candy."

Valkyrie sighed and brushed off the conversation. "Whatever. Will you hand me my gold pants please?"

Skulduggery cringed and chucked them over to her.

"Turn around so I can get changed."

Skulduggery sighed and turned around. Valkyrie got changed into her 'costume'. She crossed her arms over her bare torso, coving herself.

"You can turn around." She mumbled

Skulduggery turned around but kept his eyes on the floor.

"Stay here." She instructed. "I don't want you to see the show any more than you want to watch it."

She turned on her stiletto heel and strode from the room, arms still over her chest. She walked round to the stage wings and picked up her prop – a huge feathery fan – and used it to cover her chest. She waited patiently and when the music started, she stepped out onto the stage.

Skulduggery tried to do as he was told, but the moment he heard the music start up, he was running. He ran to the side of the stage, ripped off his suit jacket and ran onto the stage. Just as Valkyrie was about to lift the feathery fan from her chest, revealing all, Skulduggery was slamming into her and wrapping his jacket around her.

Before she could protest, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her offstage, ignoring the audience's irritated reaction. He let her back down once they were in the wings.

Valkyrie pulled his jacket tighter around her, making sure she was covered from him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" She snapped.

"I'm going to let you degrade yourself like that!" He hissed.

"Well it's not your decision to make!"

"The Hell it is!"

Skulduggery scooped Valkyrie up into his arms, despite all her kicking and squirming.

"Let me down!"

"I'll never let you down. I'm your friend. I'll never let you do this to yourself."

Skulduggery made his way to the fire exit behind the back of the stage. He kicked open the door and strode out into the night with Valkyrie. He made his way to the Bentley, unlocked the door, holding Valkyrie with one arm, and shoved her inside the passenger seat. He got in his own side and was soon speeding down the road.

Valkyrie sulked the entire ride home, clutching Skulduggery's jacket tight around her.

"You're an ass." She snapped at him.

"Thanks." He grumbled.

"I meant that as an insult."

"I was being sarcastic."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Why do you always treat me like a kid?"

"Because you always act like one!" He snapped.

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

"You're acting like one right now!"

Valkyrie laughed once, humourlessly. "Why do you even care about this so much? You're my partner, my best friend, not my _father!"_

Skulduggery said nothing.

"What?" Valkyrie frowned. "What is it? What are you not telling me?"

"Nothing." He grumbled.

She sighed. "The truth, Skulduggery?"

He paused. "Do you remember the day we first met?"

She sighed again. "What has this got to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question."

She shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. We were at Gordon's house, the day of the funeral. I was twelve."

"Wrong." He mumbled

She arched an eyebrow at him. "I'm sorry?"

He sighed. "That was not the first day we met."

"What do you mean?"

"Valkyrie, I was a close friend of your uncle's. You were Gordon's favourite niece. He loved you more than anything else in the world. Do you not think that when you were born he wanted to show you off to everyone that he could? Valkyrie, I first met you when you were three months old. I used to _babysit_ you. I used to take you out to the park when you were a little girl. I used to take you to the zoo, to the amusement parks. I took you on your first carousel ride; I took you on your first pony-ride. I even taught you how to fly a kite. It was me Valkyrie! It was all me!"

Valkyrie frowned in confusion. "But... but... I don't remember any of that."

"Of course you don't. I had to leave you when you were five years old. Otherwise you'd be at risk of remembering me. I remember the day I told you I was leaving. You cried so much, Val. You told me you loved me and begged me not to leave."

"We were best friends before I met you when I was twelve."

He glanced over at her. "We're Soul Mates, Val. We always have been. We always will be."

She suddenly felt awful. "And that's why you didn't want me to go out on stage tonight."

"I love you, Valkyrie. You're my best friend, my Soul Mate, my reason for being. I love you."

"Stop the car." She suddenly said.

"I'm sorry?"

"Stop the car."

Skulduggery pulled over and looked at her. "Why did you want me to stop?"

Valkyrie leaned over to him and wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you." She whispered.

He returned her embrace. "What for?"

"For saving me."

**N'awwww! Valduggery Goodness!**

**Don't forget to check out my blog if you want!**

**Will be starting a brand new story next chapter! :D**

**xoxo**


	117. Valduggery: Simple Things

**Boy do I have a treat for all you!**

**So! This chapter took me AGES to write so I really hope you all like it! It was suggested to me by Carma Bain Bentley, and it was such an epic idea! I _loved_ it! So naturally this chapter is dedicated to you, m'dear! ROUND OF APPLAUSE! XD**

**So, basically this chapter is written around famous sayings and famous book/film quotes. There are 26 of them all together! Anyone who can tell me what all of them are - or whoever guesses the most - will be in my next update with Skulduggery and the gang!**

**I hope you like it!**

"Everyone!" Skulduggery said, standing and raising his champagne glass in the air. "I would like to make a toast!"

Everyone stood and raised their glasses.

Skulduggery took Valkyrie's hand in his and beckoned for her to stand. "To my beautiful wife."

Valkyrie blushed. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her wedding dress was made of white silk. It was strapless and hugged her tight at the waist and down to her knees, where it fish-tailed out in gentle ruffles. Her hair was pulled back in a classic French pleat, with a few thin curls hanging down by her face. Her makeup made her even more unbelievable beautiful, smoky eyes, lightly bronzed cheeks and luscious, glossed lips, giving her the air of sophistication.

Skulduggery didn't look so bad himself. Because _himself_ was what he was. For one day only, Skulduggery had his body back. His own body from before he was a skeleton. China had cast a spell on him, allowing him to have his old, human body back for one day, working and everything – and he had chosen his wedding day to use this.

Skulduggery continued, "There isn't one day when I don't wake up and thank God for bringing me to you." He grinned. "But hey, I guess the stream of Death carries us where it may, eh? Valkyrie, every day I'm with you I am reminded to embrace my inner lunatic! I remember always looking at you and thinking to myself _God, how am I gonna get her?_ Then I remembered some very wise words from a friend of mine: _The best way into a girl's bed is through her parents – have sex with them and you're in!" _He paused for laughter. "Val, in every good relationship there are a few bumps along the road, but like they say, it's not so much the destination but the journey." He squeezed her hand. "And Darling, I love where we've ended up. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than with you."

Skulduggery tenderly touched his lips to Valkyrie's.

She smiled. "I have a few words too if you don't mind. This man," she gestured to Skulduggery, "this man right here is all I'll ever need. There were times when I would seriously doubt him – I mean he would carry his gun around with him everywhere – and guns tends to make me nervous – but he was always an odd one, especially when we were dating. On our first date, the first thing he said to me was: _Oh, what large teeth you have! I mean, white sparkly teeth! I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something, 'cause that's one dazzling smile you got there! And do I detect a hint of minty freshness__?_ He then went on to tell me about his childhood, and I swear to God this is what he told me: _My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope?" _She Laughed. "But a wise man once said that if you enter this world knowing you are loved, and leave it knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with." She looked at Skulduggery. "I know this man loves me. And I love him. And that's all that matters."

A rapturous round of applause went up from the crowd once more when Valkyrie and Skulduggery kissed again.

Skulduggery looked back at their guests. "And now, I humbly invite you all to get utterly rat-arsed!"

Another cheer went up and there was no delay in people rushing to the open bar.

. . . . .

It was three hours later and nearly everyone was stinking drunk – Erskine Ravel particularly. He stood at the bar – next to Tanith and Ghastly – trying to chat up a tipsy Eliza Scorn. However, a drunken China Sorrows saw what was happening and marched over, insistent on getting the gorgeous Erskine for herself.

"Oi! Super-tramp!" China slurred. "Hands off my man!"

"He's not your man, Psycho-skank!" Eliza snapped.

China's eyebrows shot up in disapproval. "Call me that again and I will punch you right in that snarky little face of yours!"

"Don't talk to me like that, you little wench!"

"Why will you mascara run if you cry?"

"No!" Eliza huffed. "I just don't like to be intimidated... it makes me feel _icky!"_

China grinned. "Well then prepare to feel disgusted, sweetie."

Erskine groaned and held up his hands, diplomatically. "Ladies! Will you please shut it? Listen to me. Yes, I lied to you. No, I don't love you. Of course it makes you look fat. I've never been to Brussels. It is pronounced _"egregious"._ By the way, no, I've never met Pizzaro but I love his pies. And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is once again gone. Savvy?"

China arched an eyebrow at him. "Your _ship?"_

He shrugged. "I heard it in a movie once."

Eliza scowled at him. "Wait! So you lied when you said you loved us? You dirty little _liar!"_

"I wasn't lying!" Erskine said, defensively. "I was just writing fiction with my mouth!"

"LIAR!" Eliza yelled and slapped him across one side of his face and marched off.

"USER!" China shouted, and slapped him across the other side, and stomped off in the opposite direction to Eliza.

Erskine frowned. "I don't think I deserved that..."

And then he promptly passed out.

Ghastly looked at Tanith and shrugged. "Woah! Man down!"

. . . . .

Fletcher was talking to Valkyrie's cousin, Crystal, who was flirting with him like mad, obviously not picking up the vibe that he was not interested.

Crystal was telling a terribly boring anecdote "...I like it when the waiter asks you if you want parmesan cheese on your dinner, yeah, give me essence of puke all over me tea..."

Fletcher groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked up at her, about to beg her to stop talking. He frowned when he realised her eyes – that he was used to seeing as bright green – were now a dull blue.

"Crystal, what happened to your eyes?" He asked.

"Oh, I took out my contacts." She explained, batting her eyelashes.

Fletcher recoiled a little. "Crys, I think your... I think your eyelids are falling off...?"

"Woops! That's just my false eyelashes. They must be falling off." She peeled off her eyelashes and smiled obliviously at him.

"Um..." Fletcher began, uncomfortably.

"Hold on." Crystal interrupted. She reached round the back of her head and pulled her blonde hair extensions out. "Sorry, those where driving me nuts!"

"Uh..."

"Come to think of it..." She began to pull off all her false nails. She dumped them in her purse and looked back at Fletcher. "You were saying?"

Fletcher tried not to gag. "Baby, so far you've taken off your hair, your eyelids, your eyeballs, and your nails. What part of you _don't_ I have to buy at the mall?"

Crystal's mouth fell open. "Excuse me? Dressing like this makes me feel good about myself! It isn't _easy_ having a good time! Even _smiling_ makes my face ache!"

"Yeah well, what do you expect when you've got all that make-up on it?"

She gasped. "You _dare_ you insult me, Fletcher Renn? You're not the man I thought you were!"

"Yeah," he nodded, "and you're not the woman I thought _you_ were! Half of you is in a pile on the floor over there!"

Crystal threw her drink in Fletcher's face and stormed off.

. . . . .

The other side of the room stood Caelan with his date – Valkyrie's other cousin – Carol.

Caelan was trying to break up with her.

"It's not you." He explained. "It's me."

"You don't have to do this!" Carol pleaded.

"What choice have I? I cannot live without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

Carol frowned. "What?"

"I bring danger to all those who I encounter. Take my ex, Bella, for example."

"What about her?"

"Well, I kissed Bella... and she broke her hand... punching my face..."

Caelan felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and realised he was looking into the face of a sparkly boy around his age, with huge copper-coloured hair and brooding lines on his forehead.

"Cullen?" Caelan frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"YOU STOLE MAH STOREH!" Edward roared and punched Caelan in the face.

Caelan twirled once before falling to the floor in an awkward heap.

Edward kissed Carol's hand before disappearing into the night.

. . . . .

Valkyrie and Skulduggery were the only two people at the party not drunk. They were slow-dancing on the vast dance floor, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes.

Valkyrie smiled up at him. "Do you ever think about the future?"

"If I knew a little more about how I ended up living as a skeleton with a impeccable dress sense, I could give it a try." Skulduggery smiled.

"I'm being serious."

He laughed and held her closer as they danced. "My future is with you. I love you Val."

"I love you too."

Fletcher came stumbling by them, absolutely smashed, and singing to himself. "...I'm stuck at a wedding, getting smashed off my face, girl getting on my nerves. I'm going out of my mind, I thought she was fine, don't know if her body is hers..."

Valkyrie frowned at him. "Fletch, you alright?"

"I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT!" He roared, drunkly before passing out.

Skulduggery shrugged, pulling Valkyrie back into the dance. "Simple things entertain simple minds."

**So, come on, what quotes did you spot? ;)**

**Thank you again to Carma Bain Bentley - couldn't have done it without you!**

**Until the next update, I am Sabrina Sparrow!**

**Don't forget to check out my blog! Look on my profile for the link! :D**

**xoxo**


	118. Valduggery: Tiny Terrors Part 1

**Happy Halloween m'dears! I hope you've all eaten so much candy you've puked ;) That is what I would call a _respectable_ Halloween! I'd love to hear what you've all been up to :)**

**This story is written for the winner of my contest in my last chapter, the winner being Evangeline Evergreen! Well done you! You are in this story! Now, since this is going to end up as a multi-chap story (and I wasn't planning that in the slightest, but there you go) you have only made a small appearance in this chapter, but in the next chappie - it's all about you!**

**And to my Dearest Rosalie Storm, bless you, you were such a close second with your entry, I couldn't leave you out. You wont be appearing in _this_ multi-chap story, but in my next story update on here, you will be guest starring!**

**SO! In this story, Valkyrie is about 19 years old, Tanith is back on the good guys team (I don't know how, I'm sure you can all make up something wonderful), and therefore she is no longer evil, and is back in Ghastly's arms!**

**And about the Wonder Woman thingin here? Um... that is for you, Derek...**

"Valkyrie!" Skulduggery called up the stairs. "We're going to be late!"

"It takes time to look this good!" She called back down.

"You'll look beautiful regardless!" Ghastly and Tanith looked at Skulduggery, questioningly, but he ignored them. "We're going to be late for the party!"

In the living room of Gordon's mansion stood Skulduggery, Ghastly, Tanith, Erskine, China and Fletcher, all waiting for Valkyrie to come downstairs so they could leave for the Halloween party that was being held at The Sanctuary, in its Underground Ballroom.

Skulduggery had his façade on, and was going as Captain Jack Sparrow, Tanith was going as a puppet on strings in and Ghastly was her Puppeteer, Erskine was dressed as Sweeny Todd, China was an Ice Queen – quite fitting – in a gorgeous fitted, silk, blue, floor-length dress, with sparkles all over her skin, snowy makeup on her perfect features, and a diamond tiara in her curled hair. Fletcher was by far the funniest of them all, dressed in a pink fairy outfit.

Valkyrie rounded the corner at the top of the stairs. Everyone looked up at her and their mouths fell open. Skulduggery's jaw fell off.

Valkyrie was dressed as Wonder Woman, wearing nothing more than a strapless swimsuit-like outfit that just about covered the bare essentials, giving her more cleavage than she had ever had before in her life. Her legs were so long, she could make Keira Knightly herself feel self-conscious, and she was wearing a pair of blue, leather, high-heeled boots. Her dark hair had been curled and fluffed and a gold tiara was nestled in it. Her makeup consisted of big smoky eyes, bronzed cheeks and glossed red lips.

She looked amazing.

Valkyrie descended the staircase. Skulduggery fixed his jaw back on. Everyone else just stared. She reached the bottom and gave a little twirl.

"See?" She asked, her question directed at Skulduggery. "I _told_ you it takes time to look this good!"

"You weren't kidding." He muttered.

Erskine arched an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, should we leave you two alone?"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Oh, very funny."

"No, he's right." Skulduggery said, not taking his eyes off Valkyrie. "You guys go, we'll catch up."

"_Ohhhh!"_ Tanith and Ghastly chorused together.

"Not like _that_!" Skulduggery sighed, exasperated.

The others left, leaving Skulduggery and Valkyrie alone. There was a bit of an awkward silence.

"I love your outfit." Valkyrie offered, helpfully. "Captain Jack Sparrow is my favourite Disney character, ever."

He laughed nervously. "Um, thanks. You look stunning, by the way."

She giggled apprehensively. "Thanks. So... so, um... oh yeah, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Skulduggery dragged his gaze back up to her eyes. "Um... I have genuinely forgotten."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You're such a goon."

. . . . . . . . .

Skulduggery and Valkyrie arrived at the Halloween party a little after the others. The cleavers opened the gold double doors to the Ballroom and they stepped inside. The Ballroom was filled with mages all dressed in wonderful, scary, and hilarious costumes. However, everyone stopped and stared at their arrival.

"Bloody Hell..." Someone murmured. "Look at those _legs_..."

"Strangest celebrity couple I've ever seen!" Someone else laughed, good-naturedly.

"OHMIGOSH!" A girl shrieked. "IT'S THE REAL JOHNNY DEPP!" She promptly fainted.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie walked into the crowd, and slowly, the crowd went back to normal, dancing, mingling and drinking.

Ghastly and Tanith were dancing in a close embrace on the dance floor. Fletcher was at the bar with Erskine, getting a round of drinks in, and China was moving through the crowd, being unbelievably polite and courteous to everyone she encountered, flirting with the guys, air-kissing the girls.

A handsome guy a few years older than Valkyrie brushed past her. "Oh, sorry, Darlin'." He smiled. "My mistake."

Another guy, across the hall winked at her. One guy ever gave her the 'call me' signal.

Skulduggery grinned at her. "You seem to be getting a lot of male attention."

Valkyrie shrugged. "A girl puts on a sparkly little outfit and fluffs her hair and suddenly she's the Belle of the Ball!"

"You are _always_ the Belle of the Ball."

She grinned. "Yeah?"

"Uh-huh." Skulduggery whispered next to her ear, "I think it annoys China that you're getting more attention than her."

Valkyrie tilted her head back and laughed. "You really think so?"

"Oh I know so. I–"

He was interrupted by a loud roar of music blaring through the speakers all around them.

"_I was working in the lab, Late one night, When my eyes beheld an eerie sight..."_

Valkyrie gasped and clutched Skulduggery's hand. "MONSTER MASH! Oh, I love this song! Dance with me!"

"Um, yeah, no." He replied.

She frowned. "What? Why not?"

"I can't dance."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"Yes you can!" She insisted. "I've _seen_ you!"

"But..." He faltered. "But, that was slow dancing."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "I saw you dancing at Ghastly and Tanith's wedding. That was in _no way_ a slow dance."

Skulduggery paused. "Touché."

She began to pull him over to the dance floor. "So come on! Let's dance!"

"Oh..." He sighed. "I really don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because... uh... because you're not a good dancer."

She gave him a venomous look. "Excuse you?"

"You're all flimsy and uncoordinated."

"You weren't saying that at the wedding."

He paused again. "Okay, so that was a lie."

"Exactly! So come and dance with me!"

He sighed. "Oh, very well!"

She grinned and dragged him over to the dance floor, and they took each other's hands and began to dance magnificently.

. . . . . . . .

Fletcher was feeling like a complete moron. Valkyrie had talked him into wearing this poxy fairy outfit, and reluctantly he had agreed. Every time he glanced around, there were guys all around him dressed in _cool_ costumes.

And he was a bloody fairy!

He couldn't take it anymore. He was leaving! He marched out of the ballroom and burst into the fresh air outside. The street outside was full of little kids in adorable little outfits. There were little Draculas, witches, zombies, pirates and even a few toilet-paper mummies.

Wait. Something was... off.

Usually, on Halloween, you'd see children skipping up and down the street. You'd hear them giggling and laughing into the night air. You'd smell the scent of pumpkins and cotton candy, and caramel apples in the air.

None of this was the case tonight.

The children were limping, no _staggering_ down the street. Instead of laughing they were moaning and groaning, gurgling in pain and confusion, and the only smell that filled the air was that of rotting flesh.

Fletcher was about to run over to the nearest kid and ask him what was wrong, but the moment the sole of his shoe touched the pavement, he screamed in pain and doubled over, collapsing to the floor in agony.

. . . . . . . . .

Skulduggery and Valkyrie were still dancing. _The Monster Mash_ had finished, and now they were slow-dancing to _Can You Feel The Love Tonight._ Her head was rested on his chest, his chin resting on the crown of her head. Her arms were wrapped around his waist and he had his hands firmly rested on her... hips...

"This is nice." Valkyrie said, a little awkwardly.

"Um. Yeah. It's... nice."

They weren't planning on slow dancing. It's just that the other song had finished, this song had started, and they felt weird just... stopping. So now they were slow-dancing.

"Funny old world, isn't it?" She continued. "Captain Jack Sparrow and Wonder Woman dancing, I mean."

Skulduggery laughed. "I have to admit, this is not something you'd see every day."

Skulduggery's hand slipped and he was quick to pull it back up to her hips.

"Oops." He mumbled, embarrassed.

Valkyrie pretended she hadn't noticed. "So, um, nice weather we're having."

Skulduggery frowned. "We're inside, Valkyrie."

"Oh." She mumbled. "Oh yeah, right."

There was an awkward silence. They both went to speak at the same time, then stopped and laughed nervously.

"Valkyrie..." Skulduggery began, quietly.

She looked up at him. "Yes, Skulduggery?"

He said nothing; he just sheepishly inclined his face down to hers. He stopped, anxiously, and bit his lip.

"Don't stop." She whispered.

Slowly, they both leant in for the kiss. Their lips were only centimetres away–

"_VALKYRIEEEEEEE!"_

Valkyrie drew back and frowned. "Was that you?"

Skulduggery frowned. "No."

"Well who the Hell just said that then?"

"IT WAS ME!" A tiny voice squeaked next to her right ear. "ON YOUR SHOULDER!"

She looked down at her right shoulder and frowned. Standing on her shoulder was a _...fairy?_

"What the...?" She frowned.

The fairy had blonde spiky hair and was wearing a garish pink dress with matching wings.

"Is that a _fairy?"_ Skulduggery asked, bewildered.

"IT'S ME!" The fairy shrieked, mortified. "IT'S FLETCHER!"

Valkyrie and Skulduggery paused for a few moments, then the flood gates opened, and they both doubled over with laughter.

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Fletcher the Fairy screamed. "I'M A FAIRY, DAMMIT!"

"That's what makes it so funny!" Valkyrie laughed.

"Good _God_, Fletcher, how did you turn into your costume?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Fletcher snapped. "ASK THE DOUZENs OF KIDS OUTSIDE WHO HAVE TURNED INTO THEIR COSTUMES TOO!"

All laughter stopped.

"What?" Skulduggery asked.

"GO LOOK! BUT DON'T STEP OUTSIDE! THAT'S WHAT SETS IT OFF!"

Skulduggery and Valkyrie bolted for the door, Fletcher the Fairy fluttering behind them. They pushed open the door and saw hundreds of children outside, all turned into their costumes.

They were little Tiny Terrors.

"Someone must have hexed the street." Skulduggery murmured. "Anyone who steps onto it now is instantly cursed."

"What do we do?" Valkyrie asked. "If we go out there to help, we turn into our costumes too!"

Skulduggery got out his phone and dialled a number. "There's only one person who can help us now." He paused, waiting for an answer on the other end of the line. "Hello? Evangeline? It's me, Skulduggery. I need your help."

**More wonder, mystery, Valduggery and Evangeline Evergreen to come!**

**I'll update ASAP!**

**xoxo**


	119. Valduggery: Tiny Terrors Part 2

**Dear Evangeline, this is where you start to kick butt! I hope you don't mind, but I really went to town on creating your character...**

**Enjoy everyone!**

Evangeline Evergreen strode down the hexed street, the curse having absolutely no effect on her at all. She had been around a while, although she was only physically about 23 years old, and this gave her the advantage of been an extremely powerful sorcerer. She was only one of the few mages out there in the world whose elemental powers actually rivalled Skulduggery's, even though since she, as of late, only used her fire powers, becoming impervious to it and quite terrified of water as it could kill her. This was the reason the curse was having no effect on her. She was simply so powerful, the curse couldn't infiltrate her Soul.

She was about 5ft 5, with medium auburn hair that hung at a medium length too, and had striking green eyes. She was pale, but no less beautiful, and that added to her extreme powers, giving her the unnerving ability to charm people whenever she wanted to – however she chose not to do that unless she absolutely had to, as her line of work as a private detective/informant involved a certain amount of discipline.

Evangeline was wearing black skinny jeans, black converse, and an 'I HEART NY' t-shirt. When it came to her makeup, she wore the bare minimum as that was all she needed, of mascara and red lipstick.

Evangeline was always professional while working. She was a straightforward kind of person, and never let anything throw her off her game. She was witty and sarcastic, with a huge ego that challenged even Skulduggery's. She was never hesitant to drop a dirty comment now and then, and certainly wasn't afraid of telling someone off, or being rude.

However, she wasn't all discipline and witty remarks;she loved autumn and getting caught in the rain. She had a female German shepherd named Rocket, who was at her side as she strode down the street.  
**  
**She'd worked with Skulduggery before and knew he would only call if it was an emergency. She was also looking forward to seeing Erskine, even though they were _just friends._

A few times, she had ran into Sanguine, who had given her a long scar running all the way from the base of her neck to the small of her back, and another smaller scar following the shape of her collarbone – but she saw these was her 'war wounds'.

She was the ultimate mage.

She marched down the street, her auburn hair blowing back in the breeze. Every time one of the Tiny Terrors got close to her, she – not unkindly, but sternly – pushed them out of the way. They were, of course, only kids. Albeit, they were scary, cursed, murderous kids, but kids nonetheless.

She reached the Sanctuary and kicked the door down. Skulduggery and Valkyrie looked around in surprise.

"That wasn't totally necessary; I would have opened the door for you, Evangeline." Skulduggery frowned.

"Nonsense." Evangeline said. "This way was much more fun." She smiled at Skulduggery. "It's good to see you old friend, even when you have got that ridiculous fake face on. Oh, and nice costume by the way." She winked at him. Looking over at Valkyrie, she said, "Ah, you must be Valkyrie! The lovely young lady who has got just about every mage in this room besotted with her! Then again with those legs, how could I blame them?"

Valkyrie blinked. "Um... thank you?"

"So!" Evangeline said, unusually brightly. "What is the plan?"

"We _never_ have a plan." Skulduggery replied.

"No plan?"

"Not-a-one."

"Are you insane? Or perhaps just incredibly thick? Jheeze, Skul, you think you'd have learnt by now that planning is _everything_? Or have I taught you nothing? Good God, I swear I–" She suddenly paused, seeing the pink fairy hovering over Valkyrie's shoulder. "Um... is that a _fairy?"_

Valkyrie nodded. "Yeah, he went outside and got turned into his costume."

"Sucks to be you." Evangeline muttered.

"We know who's going out to fight." Skulduggery offered, helpfully. "We obviously can't take people out who are dressed in evil costumes, for obvious reasons, however, myself, Valkyrie, Ghastly, Tanith, China and Erskine can all go."

Valkyrie frowned. "But... Erskine is Sweeny Todd! He'll chop all the little kids to pieces! We don't want to kill them; we just want to hold them off while Evangeline breaks the curse."

"Good thinking." Skulduggery nodded. "Erskine, you stay behind and keep Fletcher the Fairy company."

Both Erskine and Fletcher scowled but said nothing.

"Great!" Evangeline smiled. "We're all set! Let's go kick some cursed butt!" She turned and sprinted into the middle of the street. "Come on, beasties!" She called out. "Come get some!"

The Tiny Terrors began to swarm her.

Ghastly looked at Tanith. "Ready to fight?"

She smiled back. "I always am."

Hand-in-hand, they stepped outside together. The moment their feet touched the pavement, they were both crippled in pain.

Tanith screamed and fell to the ground. Her skin started to peel and flake. He body contorted as her flesh started to turn into wood and she began to shrink to half her size. Her joints, like her knees and elbows, were suddenly on hinges. Her blonde hair was synthetic and her face was painted on. And just like that, she was a puppet, with strings protruding from her head, arms and legs. She was The Blonde Puppet.

Ghastly roared in pain, writhing on the floor. He began to morph and change. Suddenly he was no longer Ghastly Bespoke, he was a creepy-looking puppeteer. He stood up straight and grinned. He still looked somewhat like Ghastly Bespoke, there was just an air of eeriness about him now. He was The Puppeteer.

He looked down at The Blonde Puppet lying lifelessly on the ground.

"Pick me up then, you idiot!" She snapped. "I can't move without you!"

The Puppeteer picked up The Blonde Puppet, via her strings and attached them to his fingers. He moved his fingers in intricate ways, and brought The Blonde Puppet to life.

China took a deep breath and stepped outside. She braced herself for the pain... but nothing happened. She looked back at Skulduggery and arched an elegant eyebrow.

Skulduggery shrugged. "Well, you're already and Ice Queen, so the curse probably has no affect on you."

She glared at him. "You'll pay for that one later, Pleasant."

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. "Ready to go?"

He looked at her, nervously. "Uh... not quite..."

"What's up?"

"Um, I just want to do something, you know, in case we... uh... die..."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Right...?"

Skulduggery anxiously bit his lip. "Feel free to slap me if I'm over-stepping my mark here..."

He put his bony hands either side of her face and slowly brought his lips to her, kissing her tenderly. He pulled away and smiled sheepishly at her.

"Time to fight crime." He murmured and stood up.

**More to come!**

**xoxo**


	120. Valduggery: Tiny Terrors Part 3

**Here is part three!**

**Enjoy!**

Skulduggery stepped out onto the pavement. Instantly he shrieked in pain, his body contorting, and he dropped to his knees, panting.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie screamed.

She ran out to help him and was stopped dead in her tracks by the unbearable anguish that swept over her. She cried out in agony, and collapsed to the floor, curling up on the ground in a crying, shaking ball.

Skulduggery groaned and his facial features changed. Skin flooded over his bones, organs, muscles and blood forming and fixing into their rightful places underneath. Suddenly he was human again. He was absolutely gorgeous, with long black hair that fell past his shoulders in dreadlocks. His eyes were of the darkest black and filled with nothing more than absolute mischief.

He stood up. He was Captain Jack Sparrow.

Valkyrie gasped for air on the ground as her body morphed and transformed. She was becoming a whole new person. When she stood up, she was no longer Valkyrie Cain. She was Wonder Woman. And she was positively _dazzling._

She stood up and noticed the handsome pirate to her left. "_Hello."_ She murmured to herself.

Captain Jack saw Wonder Woman and grinned. "Oh, hello."

"Cute." Wonder Woman noted to herself. "Very, very cute."

"HEY GUYS!" Evangeline called over to the flirting mages. "Fancy giving me a hand rounding up these Tiny Terrors?"

Wonder Woman winked at Captain Jack. "Later Tiger." She flew up into the air and landed by Evangeline, China, The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet.

Jack blinked twice before running – very camp – over to the others. He dodged the Tiny Terrors. One Little Vampire attached itself to his leg and he hopped around shaking it off. He reached Evangeline and the others, smiling boyishly.

"I'm here!" Jack said. "What is the plan?"

"Well," Evangeline began. "You guys are going to round up the Tiny Terrors here, while I go look for the evil mastermind behind his plan. Chances are, whoever did this wanted to stick around to watch their master plan. I'm going to find them, kick the crap out of them, and get them to break the curse."

Jack paused. "I like that plan."

"Good. Get to it." Evangeline nodded at them before running off, into the night, in search of the true criminal behind tonight's events.

Jack drew his sword and held it up. "Come on beasties. Come get some Captain Jack Sparrow!"

He dove into the sea of Tiny Terrors. A Little Axe Murderer ran at him, swinging a meat cleaver. The cleaver and the sword clanged against each other, equal amounts of strength behind each weapon.

"For a little person, you're pretty strong." Jack murmured. "But how do you like this?"

Jack kicked the Little Axe Murder's feet from beneath him. The little one fell hard against the ground, and the child in him came out. The Little Axe Murderer started crying.

Wonder woman saw this and called out to the others. "Look! They're essentially just still kids! All you have to do is upset them and they are practically _defenceless!"_

Jack picked up the Little Axe Murderer by the scruff of his neck and hauled him over to where China was standing.

China had drawn symbols into the pavement in the shape of a circle, and now they glowed bright red.

"Throw them in there." She instructed. "It's enchanted; they won't be able to get out."

Jack tossed the Little Axe Murderer into the glowing red circle and was impressed to see that China was right. The Tiny Terror couldn't get out and therefore cried even louder. Jack turned back to the sea of little demons and continued to round them up.

Wonder Woman flew up into the air, and picked a few apples off a nearby tree. If she was dealing with _real_ criminals, and not just children playing 'villain' for the night, she would go _bad-ass_ on them. However, like she had realised, these Tiny Terrors were technically just young children, and to combat them, all that was needed was a bit of bullying.

She landed on the ground with armfuls of apples. The moment the little creatures started to come at her, she would pelt them with apples. Every time an apple hit one of the little Witches or Vampires, they would stop their advance and burst into tears, at which point, Wonder Woman would round them up and toss them into the glowing red circle.

China was taking a much less appropriate approach, simply wrestling the Tiny Terrors to the ground and then once she had them detained, sling them into the circle. Ever the Ice Queen.

The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet moved together as one. The Puppeteer had no special powers of his own, but The Blonde Puppet had them all. She was simple scaring the Tiny Terrors into running straight into the circle. The Puppeteer controlled her movements, making her slash her sword at the little demons, not hurting them but making them scream and cry, and run away.

They worked together as the perfect superhero team, rounding up all the little beasts of the night...

. . . . . . . . . .

Evangeline Evergreen ran through the streets, dodging Tiny Terrors. She knew the mastermind behind this crime had to be around here somewhere.

She suddenly stopped running. Something felt... odd. She was being followed. She took a sweeping glance around her. She saw no one on the street with her, which could only mean one thing. She was being followed underground. And the only person who could do that was–

The ground rumbled behind her, and she spun around in time to see Billy-Ray Sanguine rise up from the concrete.

He smiled at her. "Well, hey there, lil' darlin'."

"Sanguine." Evangeline growled. "This is all _your_ doing?"

His grin broadened. "Guilty as charged."

"You're turning little kids into monsters! You're such a _psycho!"_

"Compliments will get you nowhere."

She rolled her eyes. "Same old Billy-Ray. Arrogant. Evil. A complete _ass_."

He pretended to swoon. "Enough with the sweet nothin's, darlin', ya'll are gonna make me faint!"

Evangeline rolled her eyes. "Can we just skip the small talk and get right to the part where I kick your arse?"

Sanguine shook his head. "So eager to die! Have you forgotten about those pretty lil' scars I gave you the last time we met?"

"Of course I haven't. That's why I'm getting my revenge."

He pretended to act offended. "Revenge? You mean ya'll are still mad at me? After all these years?"

"Call me crazy for having a grudge against you, but I _hate _you."

"But, Evangeline, I _like_ you!"

She shook her head and grinned. "Come get some."

Billy-Ray grinned. "My pleasure."

He lunged at her, his straight razor flashing in the moonlight. She anticipated his advance and moved into him, driving an elbow into the side of his head. He howled in pain and wildly lashed a kick into her shin.

Evangeline swore and stumbled back. She conjured up handfuls of fire and hurled it at Sanguine. He sunk back into the ground before the fire could hit, giving Evangeline another reason to curse.

He rose up behind her and put her in a choke hold. She jumped high into the air, and dove backward down to the ground. Billy-Ray cushioned her fall as he was slammed into the concrete beneath him. She jumped up and turned to face him.

He slowly got to his feet, and glared at her. She was about to make a witty remark, but stopped when she saw the shadow of someone standing behind her fall over her.

"Oh crap." She muttered.

**Part 4 will be up soon!**

**xoxo**


	121. Valduggery: Tiny Terrors Part 4

**Here's part 4!**

**This part is dedicated to Raea Macabre (Alana Core) my wifey ;) heh heh...**

**Enjoy!**

Evangeline turned slowly to see the woman standing behind her. She had long, white-blonde hair that reached her waist and dazzling green eyes. She was dressed all in black apart from her pristine white converse. Evangeline knew her. She was a dear friend of hers.

She was Raea Macabre.

Raea was an Adept – as powerful as Evangeline, therefore she too wasn't affected by the curse on the street. An amazing part of Raea's magic was that she could become invisible at will. Her weapon of choice was a bow and arrow, and she had symbols carved into them to ensure she always hit the mark.

She had a sarcastic sense of humour despite the fact she was a bit introverted, however she was always willing to make friends with anyone, so long as they proved themselves worthy.

She was a life-long friend with Evangeline.

Evangeline grinned. "It's about time you showed up!"

"You wouldn't _believe_ the traffic there was!"

"Babe, you _walked_ here."

Raea grinned. "Okay, so maybe _traffic_ wasn't the right word. Perhaps I should have said... _distraction..._"

"Are you referring to Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"Good _God_ he is delicious!"

"You realise that he is really Skulduggery, right?" Evangeline arched an eyebrow at her.

"Yeah, well... back in the day, Skulduggery was a little bit delicious too." She winked.

Sanguine held up his hands. "Alright! Alright! Since when did this fight to the death turn into a God-damned episode of _gossip girl_?"

"Gee, Billy-Ray." Evangeline imitated his Texan drawl. "You're just so eager to die today!"

He frowned. "That don't work on you, darlin'."

Raea scowled at him. "And I suppose you think that shirt works on _you_?"

"Sweet-pea, I know for a _fact_ this shirt works on me. Just like I know a fact I'll be killing you both now."

Raea laughed. "Yeah, that's _so_ not what's gonna happen here."

"You have a better idea?"

Raea nodded. "Actually yes I do. We're gonna beat up your sorry ass, drag you back to the others, and then you can break whatever curse it is you've put on the street, and then – if you're a good boy – we might not kill you."

"Oh, I like that plan!" Evangeline grinned. She looked back at Sanguine. "It's go-time."

Evangeline broke into a run, jumping high into the air, swinging her legs out and slamming both heels of her boot into Sanguine's face.

He was sent sprawling backwards. Evangeline crashed to the ground, rolled, and was back up in her feet.

Raea strode over to Sanguine. As he was getting to his hands and knees, she slammed her knee into his chin, sending him flying backwards once again. He groaned as he sat up, seeing Raea coming for him again. She kicked him square in the face, his nose crunching against his shoe.

Sanguine blindly swiped at her with his razor-blade, catching her converse. Raea stopped dead in her tracks, looking down at her food. Not only had he cut through her shoe, but he had cut into her foot underneath. Blood rushed to the surface, staining the white converse.

"Oh... my... God." Raea mumbled.

"Oh God, you really shouldn't have done that." Evangeline told Sanguine.

"He's ruined my white converse." Raea said, quietly.

"You're in for it now."

Raea looked at Sanguine, malevolence in her eyes. "HE RUINED MY CONVERSE!" She shrieked.

She ran at him, colliding with his body, crashing them both down to the ground. She sat on his chest, pinning him to the floor, straddling his hips.

"No one stains my converse and gets away with it!" She snarled, aiming her bow and arrow at his face.

Evangeline panicked and ran over to them. "Raea! Babe! No, you can't kill him!"

Raea looked up at him. "What? Why not?"

"We need him to break the curse!"

"Fine! I won't kill him! Just let me mess up his face a bit!"

Sanguine looked at them, incredulously. "Is this for real?"

Raea slapped him across the face. "Quiet, you!"

"Ow!"

She slapped him again. "I said, be _quiet_!"

Evangeline helped Raea up. When Sanguine tried to get up, she kicked him in the head, dazing him. "Go" She said to Raea. "Find the others. Help them round up the Tiny Terrors. I'll finish off Sanguine."

"Oh _goodie_!" Sanguine grumbled.

"Okay." Raea said, reluctantly. "But I want you to smash up his face a bit for me. If he's recognisable when I get back, I shan't be happy."

Evangeline turned her glare upon Sanguine. "Oh, trust me, you don't have to worry about that."

Sanguine gulped. Raea grinned at him before turning on her heel and running off to find the others.

**Part 5 will be up soon!**

**xoxo**


	122. Valduggery: Tiny terrors Part 5

**Here is part five :)**

**I did this in my lesson today at collage rather than doing my coursework... uh, whoops? ;)**

**My new blog post is up if you want to take a look :) The Link is on my profile page :D**

**Enjoy!**

Raea ran through the street, dodging the Tiny Terrors. She spotted the others and frowned, trying to figure out who was who. Well, Skulduggery was obviously Captain Jack Sparrow – who else would pull off that swagger? China was an Ice queen – no change there. Ghastly and Tanith were obviously The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet.

Wait. Who was Wonder Woman? Something clicked in Raea head.

"Ah, yes." She murmured to herself. "She's his _friend._" She grinned to herself. "Valkyrie Cain. Yeah, just friends my _ass_."

Raea ran into the battle, copying the others, disarming the Tiny Terrors and tossing them inside the glowing red circle where they couldn't escape and therefore were crying their eyes out.

. . . . . . . . .

Wonder woman was in the middle of pelting apples at a herd of tiny little zombies when Captain Jack ambled over to her.

"Hello." He smiled, charmingly.

"Jack, I'm a little busy at the moment." She replied.

"I just want to talk."

"Can't we talk later?"

"There's no time like the present."

She sighed. "Go ahead."

He took Wonder Woman by her wrist and pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Now we're talking." He grinned.

Wonder woman blushed. "I… I… Oh, Captain Jack…"

"Oh, Wonder Woman."

She snapped out of her trance. "No. No, Jack, we can't. We have to fight."

"I would rather do a little something else, if I'm being entirely honest, darling'."

A Tiny Zombie ran at them, screeching a battle cry. Wonder Woman chucked an apple at his head and he fell to the floor crying.

She turned back to Jack. "Captain Jack, I find you very alluring, but this is hardly the time or the place."

Jack looked at her seductively. "It's _always_ a good time for romance."

A Tiny Gargoyle ran at Captain Jack. Jack tripped him up and the Tiny Terror started screaming, rolling around on the floor, clutching his grazed knee.

"Now that you mention it." Jack mumbled. "I think this _can_ wait."

They both nodded in agreement and went back into battle.

. . . . . . . .

The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet were in battle with a clan of Tiny Vampires. The Blonde Puppet lashed out wildly at them. Her puppet strings got caught round the branches of a tree behind her and when she went to attack, she realised with horror that she couldn't move.

She was trapped.

The Puppeteer's eyes widened in terror as he realised the girl he loved was stuck. He frantically tried to free her, but the curse on the street had spread to _everything._ The tree was hexed too, and it wrapped its branches tighter around her strings.

The Puppeteer had no special powers and had to way to get the tree to release her. The Tiny Vampires were getting closer, their fangs dripping with saliva, their lips curling into a snarl. The Puppeteer clawed at the branches trying to free his one true love.

"It's no use." She said, softly. "I'm not going to escape."

"But I have to save you." His bottom lip quivered. "I love you."

"I love you too. But you can't die. Not like this. Run. Run far, far away. Forget about me."

He cupped her wooden face in his hands. "Never. I will never leave you."

"I don't want you to die."

"I don't want to leave you to the mercy of these _things_. If I have to die, I'll die with you."

The Blonde Puppet looked like she might be crying if she could. "Hold me."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Until the end of time."

They stood in their embrace, ready to die in each other's arms when the Tiny Vampires attacked.

Raea Macabre saw this and gasped in alarm. Ghastly and Tanith had been friends of hers for years and they were _not_ going to die.

She ran to them and protectively stood in front of them. "Get the Hell away from my friends, you creepy little kids!" She snarled.

**Part 6 will be up soon XD**

**I love you all muchly!**

**xoxo**


	123. Valduggery: Tiny Terrors Part 6

**Here is the final part in the Tiny Terrors series! I hope you all like it! A huge thank you to Evangeline Evergreen and Raea Macabre! Rosalie Storm, if you're out there m'dear I am writing your story next!**

**OMG I JUST SAW BREAKING DAWN! IT WAS FREAKING EPIC! ... Ahem ... Sorry about that, I just had to get that out of my system ;)**

**This chapter is dedicated to _BBC Children In Need_. Children of the world out there who need our help, tonight is all about you, and I am in full support of you all. Keep on going little survivors 3**

**Enjoy!**

The Tiny Terrors closed in on Raea who was loyally protecting her friends Ghastly and Tanith – or as they were at the moment, The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet.

"I said; _get the hell away from my friends, you SICK EVIL FREAKS!"_ Raea snarled.

The Tiny Terrors continued their advance and Raea had no choice but to fight them off. She pulled out her bow and arrow and aimed it at the Little Monster's faces. Then suddenly she paused, realising they were essentially just children underneath. She cursed under her breath and put her weapon away. Damn Billy-Ray Sanguine for being so smart and cursing little kids! He _must_ have known that none of them had the heart to hurt innocent little children.

She wracked her brains for something to do. How could she keep them away? Then the idea came to her. She had to become a bully. She had to become the biggest bully these Tiny Terrors had ever been. It was totally against her nature as even the mere _thought_ of bullying _anyone_ made her skin crawl – but what choice did she have? She had to pick the lesser of the two evils.

"Come get some." Raea snarled at them.

Like they were following her orders, they all pounced, teeth gnashing, eyes wild, nails clawing. Raea moved into one of the Tiny Terrors. She used a move that she had seen other kids use on each other in school all those years ago when she was a student. She grabbed a fistful of its hair and wrenched – not really harming it, but causing it enough pain to fall to the floor crying.

She walked over to another one kicked it into the mud, making it burst into tears. She chucked a stone at another, making it shriek with upset. A couple of Tiny Terrors were clinging onto each of her legs, so she ripped them both of am made them butt heads. She dropped them both on the floor and they sat there looking at each other for a few moments before erupting into huge sobs.

Raea continued to defeat the Tiny Terrors and by the time she was done, there were a dozen or so Little Monsters all sitting around her, crying. Raea's heart practically melted, and she suddenly wanted to go to each child and sooth them, calming them and brushing away their tears. She had to physically stop herself. They may have technically been children, but they were still dangerous.

"You asked for it." Was all she said to them.

She herded the Tiny Terrors over to the glowing red circle where they could not escape. Raea looked around at the other sorcerers there who were all staring at her with wide eyes.

"Oh, Hey, I'm Raea Macabre." She panted, nodding at them in greeting.

They all just continued to stare at her, so she shrugged and walked back over to where The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet were stuck. She jumped high into she air, thrusting both legs out in front of her and smashed the soles of her shoes into the tree trunk.

The tree practically shrieked in pain and let go of The Blonde Puppet's strings. She fell loose and crashed into The Puppeteer's arms. He cradled her petite wooden body against his and buried his face onto her synthetic blonde hair.

"I love you so much." He whispered. "I don't know how to even explain how much I love you. But I do."

"I love you too." She whispered back. "More than I'll ever be able to say."

Suddenly, there was a noise behind them all. It was like a long continuous, deep-voiced shriek. They all pulled together as a group and faced whatever was coming at them. They were the strangest gang of sorcerers anyone had ever seen: Captain Jack Sparrow, Wonder woman, The Puppeteer, The Blonde Puppet, China The Ice Queen and Raea Macabre.

"Who do you think that is screaming?" Wonder Woman asked.

Raea grinned. "I think I can guess who."

From somewhere in the distance a figure appeared. This person was clearly female and she was dragging something alongside her. No, not a _something…_ a _someone._ They got closer and the woman came into view. She was Evangeline Evergreen and alongside her she dragged the kicking and squirming body of Billy-Ray Sanguine.

"LET ME GO YOU LITTLE SHE-BEAST!" He roared.

"Sorry, what was that?" Evangeline asked as she strode along. "You want me to keep dragging you?"

"I SAID LET GO, YOU DAMN IDIOT!"

"Keep dragging you?"

"LET GO!"

She nodded. "Okay, I'll keep dragging you."

She dragged Sanguine over to where the others were standing and threw him onto the floor at their feet. "I brought you all a present!" She said brightly.

Sanguine tried to bolt but Evangeline kicked him in the face, breaking his nose. He howled in pain and writhed on the ground, blood streaming from his nose.

He snarled. "You little bit–"

Raea kicked him in the side of his head. "Don't you dare insult my friend!"

Sanguine groaned, clutching his head. "Sweet baby Jesus! You god-damn women! This isn't what I mean when I said I liked dominant lovers!"

"Hush." Evangeline snapped. "Tell us how to break the curse or we'll be kicking you in a much more tender place."

He glared at her. "You wouldn't dare."

Evangeline sighed. "Raea, be my guest."

Raea grinned evilly and raised her foot ready to kick. However Captain Jack Sparrow put a hand on her shoulder.

"Please don't do that." He murmured. "I know he's evil and everything…but darlin' you just don't do that to a guy. I can practically _feel_ what your about to do."

Ghastly nodded. "Yeah, it makes me want to cross my legs too."

Raea sighed and kicked him in his side instead. "Better?"

Jack nodded. "Oh, yes, much."

Evangeline crouched down by Sanguine. She loomed over him and closed a strong hand around his throat. "Start talking."

Sanguine grinned up at her. "Not gonna happen, lil darlin'."

Evangeline looked up at the others. "A little help here?"

The others nodded and loomed over Sanguine with her. Jack drew his sword and aimed it at Sanguine's face. Wonder woman hovered over him, fists clenched. The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet stood close by, ready to strike him at any moment. China exposed all the symbols on her arms, prepared to touch them if necessary. Raea got out her bow and arrow and grinned with wicked delight.

Sanguine gulped. "Now… now this is slightly unfair. It's seven against one!"

Evangeline arched an eyebrow against him. "And I suppose you think that hexing an entire street is fair, do you?"

"Well… I suppose… in retrospect it was a little _uncalled_ for…"

"Which is why you're going to tell us what we want to know." Evangeline smiled sweetly. "How do you break the curse?"

Sanguine growled. "I don't take kindly to your terrible hospitality."

"I don't take kindly to your face."

"Can't we make a deal?"

"No."

"Then I'm not telling you."

"Then you are going to suffer a great loss."

Sanguine raised an eyebrow at her. "Meaning?"

Evangeline looked up at Jack and The Puppeteer. "I suggest you gentlemen look away now."

They both gave her a questioning look but when Raea aimed her bow and arrow at the one area Sanguine could not loose and keep his manhood, they both cringed and spun round.

Sanguine looked panicked. "You wouldn't do that!"

Raea winked at him. "Wouldn't I?"

Evangeline nodded. "I think you'd make a very pretty girl."

Sanguine looked like he might actually cry. "But – but no! You can't!"

Raea nodded slowly. "Oh, but I can!"

"Please!" He cried. "I'm begging you! Don't!"

Evangeline tightened the grip around his throat. "Then tell up how to break the curse!"

"My arm!" Sanguine finally lost his nerve. "My arm! It's my arm!"

Evangeline looked at him, sceptically. "It's your arm?"

"It's on my right arm!"

"What's on your right arm?"

"A symbol! It's what seals the curse! As long as it's written on my arm the curse will hold!"

"So…" Evangeline frowned. "All we have to is wash this symbol off your arm and everything will go back to normal?"

Sanguine looked a little flustered. "Uh… uh… well, it isn't quite as simple as that…"

Evangeline glared at him. She grabbed his right arm and pushed the sleeve of his shirt up. There, on his arm was a symbol. It was intricate and it was tiny. And it had been tattooed on.

"You _tattooed_ this onto your bloody arm?" Evangeline shrieked at him.

"Sanguine!" Raea growled. "You bloody idiot! Haven't you heard of a magic marker?"

"I wanted the curse to last forever!" He snapped. "Excuse me for thinking ahead!"

"Now what do we do?" Raea groaned.

Evangeline smiled as a wickedly delicious idea came to her. "Jack, can I borrow your sword please?"

He looked back at her. "Um… what for?"

"You'll see."

Jack handed her his sword and Evangeline held it with a steady grip. She looked down at Sanguine.

"It's nothing personal." She assured him. "I just need to be home in an hour – I need to feed my cat you see, and X-Factor doesn't watch itself – so I have no choice but to do this the hard way. I am deeply sorry… okay, well, maybe not."

Evangeline raised the sword high above her head and before Sanguine could ask what she was doing, she brought it down with one clean sweep and cut his right arm off.

Sanguine screamed in agony, his eyes bulging out of his head, blood gushing from his severed arm. He tried to shout at them, but all that came out were barely understandable cries of pain.

Everyone stared at Evangeline. She looked back up at them, wondering what they'd all think of her slightly irrational behaviour.

Wonder Woman nodded slowly. "Dude, that was _cool_."

Sanguine tried to say something but it came out as a muffled gargle. Evangeline stood up and they all took a step away from him.

"I'm giving you three seconds to get out of my sight or you're losing the other arm too." Evangeline Evergreen snarled at him. "One… two…"

He had already sunk into the ground, taking his arm with him.

All around them, everything began to change. The Tiny Terrors in the glowing red circle slowly turned back into the harmless children they were. The trees down the street stopped moving of their own accord and stiffened, becoming just ordinary trees again.

"Look!" Captain Jack Sparrow gasped. "Everything is turning back to normal!"

China pointed at The Puppeteer and The Blonde Puppet who were slowly turning back into Ghastly and Tanith.

Once they were back to their normal selves they looked at each other for all of two seconds, before finding their way into each other's arms and into a passionate kiss.

Jack quickly realised what he had to do. He gripped onto Wonder Woman's shoulders.

"Kiss me!" He said.

She frowned in confusion. "What?"

"Kiss me! Now! Before the curse wears off and I lose this body!"

Wonder woman didn't need telling twice. She practically leapt into his arms, her lips finding his instantly. He gripped at her waist, pulling her so close their hips were touching. Her arms snaked up and around his neck, making escape from this embrace impossible. Their lips caressed each other, their tongues tangling, hands wandering.

They both felt it when they started to change. They both began to change back to their normal forms. Suddenly they were no longer Captain Jack Sparrow and Wonder Woman. They were Skulduggery and Valkyrie in their costumes.

Valkyrie suddenly pulled away from Skulduggery, looking at her lipstick smudged all over his temporary lips. There was a horribly awkward silence.

Skulduggery shrugged. "Oh what the hell." And pulled her back to him.

Her lips found his again with ease, making a perfect end to a bizarre night.

**Big thank you's to Evangeline and Raea 3 Rosalie, thank you for being so patient. You are a star :')**

**More chapters up soon!**

**Oh, I've updated my blog too :D**

**Laters Taters!**

**xoxo**


	124. Valduggery: Timeless Part 1

**Hello my lovelys! How are you all? Thank you for being patient -sort of (LOL!) - with this update.**

**Now this story is dedicated to Rosalie Storm for being the runner-up in that quotes competition I did - you, my dear, are awesome :)**

**Be warned, this story has major Death Bringer spoilers - in fact, from now on all of my updates will have DB spolers! Heh heh...**

**Warning - This chapter has one instance of bad language!**

**This multi-chapter story is inspired from one of my most favourite books, _Passion._**

**And lastly, I have updated my blog, if you're interested :)**

**Enjoy!**

In an attempt to figure out more about what triggered his subconscious into coming back as Lord Vile, Skulduggery had to go back. He had to go years back. He had to search through the decades he'd been on this Earth for. That was the reason for him being at Cassandra Pharaoh's today, the just turned twenty-one year old Valkyrie at his side.

Skulduggery looked over at Valkyrie. "I don't know about this, Valkyrie. Maybe you should leave?"

She frowned. "And leave you to face the demons of your past alone? Hell no."

"Exactly my point. You're young, care-free; you don't want to have to sit through an old Skeleton's suffering."

"Skulduggery, you're my best friend. I'm hardly going to let you face this alone."

"Cassandra is just going to conjure up some of my old memories. It's not going to be that interesting."

"I don't care."

Turning to face her, he placed his hands upon her shoulders. "Valkyrie, you're not understanding me. I don't want you to see me from the past. I was not always the suave, dashing, charming man that I am today."

"Shocker."

"What I'm trying to say is…" He tilted his head at her. "I want you to see me as the good guy… not the bad guy."

She smiled, gently. "I'll _always_ see you as the good guy, Skulduggery."

He sighed, looking away from her. "We'll see."

Cassandra Pharaoh's had everything she needed set up. She turned to Skulduggery. "This is a very difficult task you're asking of me, Detective."

"I know." Skulduggery nodded.

"You're asking me to see into the past rather than the future. This is the complete opposite of the way my magic is supposed to work."

"I trust you can do this, Cassandra."

She frowned, grumpily. "Well, let's hope you're right. But let's get one thing straight. I'm not staying around to see this catastrophe happen. I'll get the steam going, I'll do the spell, and then I'm leaving."

Skulduggery nodded. "I understand."

Cassandra nodded once, curtly, and strode over to the platform where all this would take place. She pulled on a rope that hung from the ceiling, and on a built-in water fountain against the far wall, water gushed down into the drain below and steam rose up. She did this a few times until the entire room was filled with steam. She began to chant an ancient spell over and over again into the billows of steam.

When she was done she looked at them both. "The steam will show you whatever you want to see. I'll be upstairs."

Skulduggery nodded once. "Thank you, Cassandra."

Cassandra left without saying another word.

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

She smiled up at him, encouragingly. "Let's confront some demons."

Skulduggery looked into the steam clouds. "I'd like you to show me some of the darkest moments of my past, please."

Colours and shapes began to swirl around inside the steam. Pictures started to form and within a few minutes the pictures were so clear it was like they were watching TV.

There was a cell. Inside the cell there was a skinny man shackled to the stone wall. He was wearing a grey fifties-style suit and a matching fedora. His head was hung, but when he looked up, Valkyrie saw his skull and she gasped.

She looked over at Skulduggery. "What were you doing in a cell?"

"Being rather unlawfully tortured."

"That's _horrible_!"

"That, my dear Valkyrie, is _life_."

Valkyrie looked back at the vision. She saw a door to the cell open. A man stepped inside, an eerie smile on his face. He reached into his jacket pocket and slowly pulled out a gun.

Valkyrie looked away from the vision and up at Skulduggery. "Please don't tell me he is going to shoot you."

Skulduggery sighed. "I wish I could."

Looking back at the vision, Valkyrie saw the man point the gun at Skulduggery. And then he fired.

Valkyrie screamed. Forgetting it was only a vision, a memory of the past, she ran towards it.

"VALKYRIE! NO!" Skulduggery roared, trying to grab her but missing.

Valkyrie lunged into the steam, desperate to save the Skulduggery of the past. The last thing she remembered after that was blacking out.

Valkyrie was thrown out of the cloud of steam and thrust into one of Skulduggery's memories. She hit the ground with a loud thud and groaned. Slowly she sat up, rubbing her elbow that she had landed awkwardly on. She Looked up and took in her surroundings. At first glance, she would have said that she was outside the Sanctuary – the old one in Dublin. But she had to do a double take.

What the Hell was everyone _wearing?_

All around her, men and women were laughing and walking by in leather jackets, woolly jumpers, poodle skirts, and tons of other horrendous clothes. One girl was wearing a white, knee-length, flared polka-dot dress. One boy was dressed like Danny from Grease. People were driving round in brightly-coloured, old-fashioned cars that had gaudy designs and gigantic headlights.

"Where in the _Hell_ am I?" She wondered aloud.

"That's exactly what I was about to ask." Said a voice from behind her.

Valkyrie looked around and found that she was looking up at a tall, slender, pretty girl with gloriously tanned skin. She had dark hair with multi-coloured tips and bright-blue eyes that had smoky makeup around them, giving her an air of mystery. She was wearing a leather tunic with protective shoulder plates over them underneath an electric blue hoodie that matched her eyes. She wore baggy trousers that tucked into her pirate boots. She had a sword and a gun strapped to her belt.

"Who are you?" Valkyrie asked, warily.

"Rosalie Storm." Said the girl. "Sanctuary agent, specialising in natural disasters, and assigned to watch your ass while your go on this little time-travel adventure of yours. Thanks for that by the way. It's not like I had country in a drought to go and send rain to or anything."

Valkyrie frowned, getting to her feet. "Time travel?"

"Look around you, love. You didn't honestly think you were still in the year 2011, did you?"

"Well, no..."

Rosalie frowned. "And what's the deal with you anyway? You think its fun to travel back in time through people's memories? You could mess up the _entire_ future! Not to mention Skulduggery's _mind!_ Good thing you've got me here to save your bacon!"

Valkyrie pinched the bridge of her nose. "I think I'm getting a headache."

"Look, kid, you must have come here for a reason. I'm here to guide you. What can I help you with?"

Valkyrie's eyes widened. "Skulduggery! It's Skulduggery! I saw him! He was being shot! I have to go to him!"

Rosalie held up her hands. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, buckaroo! You can't just go around re-arranging the past!"

"Fine. Then just let me see if he is okay!"

Rosalie thought about this for a moment. She slowly nodded. "Well... I think I can manage that. But first we need to get you some new clothes. You're going to stick out like a sore thumb dressed like that."

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow at her. "Oh, and you don't?"

"Sweetie, what do I care what other people think of me? If anyone pisses me off I'll throw a hurricane their way."

Valkyrie nodded. "Fair enough. Let's go."

**Part two will be up soon :)**

**Thank you Rosalie Storm, this is all for you Chikka!**

**Also, what do you think about me doing youtube blogs for you guys to check out? Let me know :)**

**xoxo**


	125. Valduggery: Timeless Part 2

**Here we are with part two :)**

**Enjoy!**

Valkyrie looked at herself in the mirror and didn't recognise her own reflection. She was wearing a knee-length, halter-neck dress that came in tight over her bust, clinging to her waist, and then fanned out at her hips. It was pink and white checked, unfortunately. She looked cute. But Valkyrie didn't really do _cute._

Rosalie had forced her to wear a pair of hot pink heels that she had trouble walking in. Her hair had been curled into tight black ringlets, her makeup consisting of smoky eyes and lusciously pink lips.

"I look like a Barbie doll." Valkyrie said, miserably.

Rosalie shrugged. "So what? You look like you're from the fifties. That's all that matters."

"Skulduggery will laugh when he sees me in this."

"Skulduggery doesn't meet the less-girly you until the year 2007, so no he won't. Plus, it's the fifties, and he had a real thing for the baby-dolls like you."

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow at her. "You say that like it would matter to me."

Rosalie merely shrugged. "Whatever. I don't have time for an unrequited love story. Let's get going."

Rosalie grabbed Valkyrie's hand and in the blink of an eye they were standing back outside the Sanctuary.

Valkyrie looked at her, shock. "Whoa! Wait! You can _teleport?"_

"Yup." She said, popping the P.

When she didn't further explain, Valkyrie said, "Care to explain how?"

Rosalie smiled. "It comes with the job, kid. You didn't think that every time I need to go and deliver a natural disaster to a country for Mother Nature, I just hoped on a plane and flew there, did you?"

Valkyrie frowned. "There's such a person as Mother Nature?"

"Yep, she's my boss."

"Seriously? What's she like?"

"Total bitch." Rosalie said. "Shall we get this show on the road?"

Valkyrie nodded. "There's no time like the… uh… present…" She trailed off. "Never mind. So what do I do?"

Rosalie swept her hand towards the Sanctuary. "Go find him. I'll be waiting out here. Come and find me once you've finished screwing up the future and ending life as we know it."

She nodded. "Will do."

Valkyrie walked towards the Sanctuary, becoming used to the heels. Everyone she walked past stopped and stared at the dark-haired beauty in the pink dress. She reached the doors of the Waxwork museum where the Sanctuary was hidden inside. She had to flirt with the doorman to let her into the museum for free. She made her way to the secret entrance where the waxwork of Phil Lynott should be and instead saw that a waxwork of Elvis Presley was there, instead.

She opened the secret entrance with her pass-key that she had from 2011, marvelling at how they hadn't updated their security system since the fifties. The secret passageway slid open revealing the hidden Sanctuary. She slipped inside and strolled through the hallways, confidently, hoping no one would stop her.

She made it all the way to the holding cells before she actually started having to hit people. She knocked out three guards, amazed at the fact they didn't have Cleavers in here back in the fifties.

Once everyone was knocked out, she began checking the cells, looking for the one where Skulduggery resided. She finally found him, in the final cell, lying on the floor.

"Skulduggery!" She yelled.

Using the keys she has stolen from the guard, she wrenched the door open. Skulduggery sat up and looked at her, and although he didn't have a face, his eyes would have bugged out of his head at the sight of her.

She rushed in and helped him to stand. "Skulduggery, are you okay?"

He smoothed out his suit before answering in a smooth American accent. "Never better, now that you're here, doll-face. Say, how'd you know my name?"

Valkyrie almost laughed at his accent. "You're American?"

"I just moved here from America, sweet pea. How do you know my name?"

"Um…" Valkyrie frowned, trying to think of an excuse. "Well, I mean, you're Skulduggery Pleasant. _Everyone _knows you."

He sounded like he was smiling. "Oh _really_?"

"Yeah."

He stepped closer to Valkyrie, his hand finding her hip. "What exactly have_ you_ heard about me, darling?"

Valkyrie backed away from him, slightly flustered. "I heard you were shot."

Skulduggery seemed to withdraw a little bit. "Yeah, but it's not a big deal. It's not like I have a body anymore."

"Yes but you can still feel pain, can't you. Show me where he shot you."

Skulduggery laughed. "You're trying to undress me? Honey, I think we skipped a few bases here."

She sighed. "Just show me."

He tilted his head at her, seeming perplexed. Then he sighed and took off his hat, revealing a huge hole in the side of his skull.

"Jesus, Skulduggery!" She gasped. "How can you honestly pretend like that's not a big deal? That's probably going to fracture some part of your conscience!"

Skulduggery nodded slowly. "Yeah probably. But it's not like anything's ever going to unhinge me or anything."

_Apart from The Faceless One's World._ She thought miserably. She realised that this was just one of the small things that must have happened in his past leading for him to becoming unhinged and having his own consciousness getting up and walking around as Lord Vile in 2011.

"Let's get out of here." Skulduggery suddenly said. "I've never been to Ireland before. I've never seen the sights. You could show me around."

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow at him. "Detective, are you flirting with me?"

"That depends, is it working?"

She laughed. "Why don't you buy me a drink and we'll see?"

"It's a date."

Valkyrie sipped her milkshake, sitting on her barstool in _Joey's Diner_. This was a Diner aimed specifically at Sorcerers and there was no need for Skulduggery to wear his scarf and sunglasses disguise.

He got up from his stool beside her and patted her knee. "I'll be right back."

He walked over to the Juke Box and put some money in, selecting a song. _Do You Love Me_ by The Contours came on and Skulduggery turned back to her. She knew that he would be giving her a devilish grin if he could.

He walked back over to her and took her hand. "Wanna dance?"

"I don't know how."

"With me, baby, trust me you won't need to."

She laughed. "Oh fine!"

She got up and let him lead her to the dance floor. They began to swing dance, Skulduggery being naturally amazing at it, spinning and lifting her. The dance ended and Valkyrie was laughing in his arms.

"Hey, doll-face." He looked at her. "I never did catch you name."

"It's Valkyrie."

"Weird name."

"Speak for yourself."

He laughed. "Well it was swell to meet you, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie was about to answer but someone grabbed her from behind.

Rosalie storm.

"Come on!" Rosalie was saying as she pulled Valkyrie away. "We need to leave."

"Hey!" Skulduggery called. "Where are you going?"

"Rosalie! Get off me!" Valkyrie yelled.

Rosalie dragged her outside and out of sight. "Are you out of your _freaking mind_?" She snapped.

"What?" Valkyrie frowned. "What did I do?"

"Val, if you make a past Skulduggery fall for you, he's going to end up falling for you in the present day!"

"Well, I wasn't trying to do that!"

"Well you were doing it anyway!" Rosalie sighed, calming herself. "Look, it's not important, we're leaving anyway."

"We are? Where are we going?"

"Further back. You want do find out what things in Skulduggery's past made him become Lord Vile again in 2011?"

Valkyrie nodded. "Well, yeah."

Rosalie held out her hand. "Then let's go."

Valkyrie took her hand and suddenly she blacked out again.

**Any clues where they're off to next? ;)**

**I'll update soon :)**

**xoxo**


	126. Valduggery: Timeless Part 3

**Part 3 :)**

When Valkyrie woke up, the first thing to hit her was a bundle of clothes. She realised she was lying down on the ground looking up at Rosalie Storm.

"Get changed." Rosalie said. "You're wearing clothes that are thirty years out of date."

Valkyrie sat up slowly, rubbing her aching head. "Where are we?"

"We're in a dressing room in the Four Aces – the hottest Sorcerer-only club in all of Chicago's during the 1920's – and you're still dressed like you're in the fifties."

Valkyrie clambered to her feet. "Is this another one of Skulduggery's memories?"

"Honey, they all are."

Valkyrie looked at the dress. "It was a black, knee-length, silky dress that was embroidered with sparkling beads, with tassels all around the hem. "I'm going to be dressed like a flapper?"

"Darling, you _are_ going to be a flapper."

"Oh dear _God_ no!"

"Get changed. Come on! Chop chop!"

Sighing, Valkyrie stripped down and pulled on a pair of opaque tights Rosalie handed her, slipped into the dress and pulled on some black heels she was presented with. Rosalie guided her over to the dressing table and began wiping off her old makeup, replacing it with fresh cosmetics. She gave Valkyrie lightly bronzed cheeks, pouty red lips and Cleopatra-style eye makeup with dainty eye-flicks.

As for doing her hair, Rosalie elegantly pinned back all of Valkyrie's dark curls. She put a glittery black feather in her hair for emphasis. Dropping some black pearls around her neck she was finished.

Valkyrie stood up, and although she didn't want to admit it, she looked pretty. This era suited her.

She turned to Rosalie. "Okay, so now what do I do?"

"You go out through that door, along the corridor, up the steps, through the curtains and find Skulduggery."

Valkyrie nodded and disappeared through the door. She followed Rosalie's instructions, going along the corridor and up the steps. She burst through the curtain in front of her–

And she froze, her mouth hanging open.

She was standing onstage, looking out at a sea of faces.

"Buggar." She muttered. "Rosalie I'm going to _kill_ you."

Music from the brass band to the left of the stage started up and instantly Valkyrie recognised the tune. It was _"Blue-lipped Baby". _It was not a famous song, it was not a song played in the charts or on the radio. It was a song played by the band in this club constantly. It was the song Skulduggery had told her about frequently and always walked about singing. Valkyrie knew the lyrics as he had sung them to her so many times.

So with nothing else to do, she walked up to the microphone and started singing.

"_Your lips are so cold_

_Baby they're turning blue_

_Your lips are so cold_

_Let me warm them up for you…"_

The crowd quite literally went insane. As she was singing, Valkyrie skimmed the crowd, looking for Skulduggery. He was nowhere.

And then a voice joined hers from behind. She turned in time to see someone join her onstage. He was tall, dressed in a black tux and a matching fedora, and he quite simply had a skull for a head.

Skulduggery Pleasant.

He was walking towards her singing.

"_Your arms are so cold_

_Baby I know what to do_

_Your arms are so cold_

_Maybe I should hold you…"_

They sang together, harmonizing with each other. The song finished and they bowed, applause coming at them from all sides. The exited the stage together and Valkyrie was surprised by Skulduggery hugging her, lifting and spinning her. He put her back down onto the ground and tilted his head at her in a way that she knew meant he was smiling.

"That was great, baby!" Skulduggery said in a heavy American accent.

Valkyrie was so shocked she was speechless.

"I'm Skulduggery Pleasant." He continued. "And who are you, baby?"

She finally managed to find her voice. "I… uh… I'm Valkyrie Cain."

"Well, Valkyrie, you're an amazing singer! How comes I've never seen you in here before? Are you new?"

"Um, well, I guess you could say that…"

"Well, baby, I think you're just _ring-a-ding-ding_! Can I buy you a drink?"

"Um… sure."

Skulduggery led Valkyrie out to the club and escorted her over to the bar. They sat down on the bar stools and a bartender came over.

"Hey, kid." Skulduggery said, his tone always alarmingly cheerful. "I'll have a martini and my friend here will have…" He looked over at Valkyrie.

"Um… the same?" She meant to say it as a sentence but it came out as a question.

The bartender nodded and disappeared. Momentarily he came back and presented them each with a martini.

Skulduggery picked up his glass and clinked it with Valkyrie's. "To a good show."

Valkyrie couldn't help but smile. "Naturally." She sipped her drink and tried to keep it down.

"So," Skulduggery began, "tell me a little bit about yourself."

_I'm your partner from the year 2011 and I've travelled back in time in order to discover why you have become the infamous Lord Vile once more._

She shrugged. "There's not much to tell. I'm just new around here and a _friend_ of mine kind of tricked me into going onstage tonight. You?"

"Oh, I'm a detective around these parts. Have been one for quite some time actually. I've got some down-time right now so I decided to take a load off and perform in my favourite club. And then I met you – which has been the highlight of the whole night by the way."

Valkyrie laughed. She was about to reply when she heard a voice from behind her.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the _infamous_ Skulduggery Pleasant."

Valkyrie turned and saw China Sorrows strolling towards them in a dress that made Valkyrie feel significantly unimportant. If it weren't for China's strong American accent, Valkyrie may have recognised her voice.

"China." Skulduggery addressed her without enthusiasm.

"Darling, how are you?"

"Fine. Grand. I'm aces, baby, you?"

"Me, darling? You know I'm tops."

Skulduggery put a hand on Valkyrie's shoulder. "China, may I introduce you to Val–"

"Don't know her. Don't care about her." China said, curtly not even looking at Valkyrie. "I just came here to warn you. Scar is looking for you."

"Scar?" Skulduggery scoffed. "Why does he want me?"

"Apparently you fooled around with his wife."

"How? I'm a _skeleton_."

"Don't shoot the messenger." China winked at him before turning and gliding off the way she had come.

"Who's Scar?" Valkyrie asked, an image of _The Lion King_ flashing into her mind.

Skulduggery nodded at a huge, muscle-bound man who was pushing his way through the crowd over to them. "_That's_ Scar."

The man called Scar pushed Valkyrie aside and glared down at Skulduggery.

"Excuse me." Skulduggery growled. "But that is no way to treat a lady."

"YOU SCREWED MY WIFE!" Scar bellowed, completely ignoring what Skulduggery had just said.

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side. "How would I do that, buddy? I'm a skeleton."

"YOU DID IT BACK WHEN YOU WAS HUMAN!"

"Scar, I didn't even _know_ you or your wife back then."

"SHE JUST TOLD ME THAT YOU TWO USED TO SLEEP TOGETHER!"

"Have you ever considered the possibility that she wasn't telling you the truth?"

Scar laughed cruelly. "It's okay. I got my revenge on you anyway."

"What? When? If she's only just made this up, then when could you have possibly gotten revenge?"

He smiled evilly. "The way I see it, something I did a long time ago would serve as revenge if I told you what it was now."

Skulduggery sighed. "Okay, fine Scar, so what did you do?"

"Do you remember that pretty wife of yours?"

"You mean the dead one?" Skulduggery asked, bitterly. "Yes, I do."

"Well, we did some... things..."

Skulduggery laughed once, humourlessly. "Okay, don't try telling me she cheated on me with you. She slept with you I suppose?"

"Actually, yes, she did. She wasn't willing but technically she still did."

And suddenly everything stopped. The music stopped. People stopped talking and looked around at them, their mouths hanging open. Valkyrie gawped at Skulduggery, waiting for him to explode.

"What did you just say?" Skulduggery asked, deathly quiet.

"Well, you know how it is. You were away at war, and there was no one at home to look after Belle and your darling little daughter Bonnie. You weren't there to protect them. So I went round to... _visit._" His smile turned acidic.

"I hope for your own sake you're making that up." Skulduggery was speaking at just above a whisper.

Scar shrugged. "I would have done the little one too, but she was just so damn fast! Couldn't ever catch her!"

That was it. Skulduggery let out a raw, animalistic cry of rage and lunged at Scar. He wrestled him to the ground and began to punch him senseless. Anyone who tried to pull Skulduggery off him got a sharp, furious punch in the face.

And there it was. Another bombshell that had tricked Skulduggery's conscience into coming back as Lord Vile.

Skulduggery reached inside his jacket pocket and aimed it at the man's head. Mercilessly, Skulduggery pulled the trigger and shot the evil man dead. But Skulduggery didn't even stop there. He carried on smashing the dead man's face in until it was just an unidentifiable bloody mess.

All around him, nobody moved. Nobody panicked or screamed or threatened to call the police. They just watched as Skulduggery stood up and strode from the club, wiping Scar's blood from his skull.

Rosalie appeared by Valkyrie's side. "We should probably get going."

Valkyrie shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Skulduggery is about to have a complete breakdown."

"Exactly. I'm his best friend – even if he might not know it in this time – and I'm not about to let him go through that on his own."

Rosalie shrugged. "Fine. You know where to find me. Just try not to mess up the future."

Valkyrie nodded once before turning and running off in the direction Skulduggery had left in. She exited the club and found him sitting in an alleyway outside. He had his head in his hands and didn't look up at her as she came over.

She sat down on the cold ground beside him. "Hey."

He looked up at her. "Baby, what are you doing out here?"

"Checking you're okay."

"Me? Why would you do that? You don't even know me."

She smiled. "I bet I know you a lot better than you think I do."

He shook his head. "You're lucky you don't know the real me."

"I'd still be out here with you regardless."

"I've done worse things than shoot a man in the head, you know. What you just saw was only the tip of the iceberg.

"I don't care."

He tilted his head at her. "You're an odd one, you know that."

She smiled. "You're the living skeleton and _you're_ calling _me_ odd?"

He laughed. "I like you, baby."

"Good. Because I like you too."

He sighed and looked away from her. "I can't believe I wasn't there for my own wife and child."

"Hey." She soothed, putting an arm around his shoulders. "You weren't to know what was going on."

"It feels like every single bad thing that happened to them was my fault. It's my fault Scar attacked them, It's my fault Serpine captured them, tortured them, killed them. If I had never had met Belle, she could have lived a happy life with someone else. It feels like I always wind up hurting those I love the most."

Valkyrie rested her head on his shoulder. "I don't ever want to hear you talk like that. I think you're the most amazing person I've ever met. I want you to remember that for the rest of your life. You won't understand that now. But you will soon. I promise."

He turned his head and looked down at her. "Baby, what _are_ you talking about?"

She laughed gently and leant up to kiss his cheekbone. "You'll know soon enough." She stood up. "I have to go now. But I'll see you again soon."

He looked up at her. "How do you know that?"

"Because I just do."

She turned to leave but he stood up and said, "Wait!"

She turned back to him. "Yes?"

"Why do you have to go?"

She smiled. "Because I do."

"But..." He tilted his head to the side. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too. But it's time for me to move on. Remember me. Never forget, okay?"

"Okay."

She turned and left him, walking inside the club. She found Rosalie, grabbed onto her hand and said, "Let's roll."

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxo**


	127. Valduggery: Timeless Part 4

**I'M SORRY! I'm so sorry for not updating in so long! But here, it can be my Christmas present to you all! Here is a Christmas related update! It's a little depressing, so I do regret that... HOWEVER! I have done a Christmas/Disney blog update to make up for it for you all! So we're even. And I put the first hints of Valduggery into this story for you to soften you all up so you wont be as mad at me for the delayed updates, lol!**

**So, enjoy!**

This time, when they travelled through Skulduggery's memories, Valkyrie didn't pass out. Although she was still so dizzy she fell flat on her face, the grass tickling her cheek.

"Ow." She mumbled.

"Wait there." Rosalie instructed.

"It's not like I'm going anywhere."

Rosalie strode off in search of what Valkyrie could only guess was more appropriate attire for this time period. Valkyrie sat up, rubbing her sore head and looked at her surroundings. Luckily no one was around. She quickly realised she was in an apple orchard. Then something else hit her like a brick. It was _freezing_ out here. Valkyrie drew her knees into her trembling chin and tried to contain some warmth.

Eventually, Rosalie came trundling back, holding armfuls of clothes. Valkyrie could see piles and piles of ruffles.

"Oh... _God_." Valkyrie groaned.

Rosalie dumped the clothes at Valkyrie's feet. "Come on Princess. Get dressed. Time to go to the Ball."

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow. "The _Ball_?"

"Yep, the Christmas Ball."

"_Christmas Ball?_ It's Christmas?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "No, it's Easter – of course it's Christmas!"

"Who's Ball is this?" Valkyrie asked, stripping off her 1920's costume.

"It's the Sanctuary Christmas Ball. It's being held at Pleasant Manor."

"Pleasant Manor?"

"Skulduggery's current home."

Valkyrie found herself grinning. "Is it nice?"

"Darling, it makes your Uncle Gordon's Mansion – well, _your_ mansion – look like a pile of shi–"

Valkyrie held up her hands. "OKAY! I get it! Skulduggery was a rich little sod." Valkyrie paused. "Wait, what country are we in?"

"England." Rosalie replied. "Devon to be more precise."

"Skulduggery was English at one point in his life?"

Rosalie laughed. "Chick, you live for over 400 years and you tend to get around a bit."

Valkyrie nodded. "Right, right." She looked at the pile of frills and ruffles at her feet, then up at Rosalie. "Fancy helping me into this?"

Rosalie helped Valkyrie get into the dress. She started off with tightly pulling on the corset over Valkyrie's undergarments, pulling Valkyrie's waist in unbelievably tight, giving Valkyrie more cleavage than she had ever owned before in her life.

Next on went the actual dress. It was a pretty dress in a pale blue. It came in tight over her bust and pinched in at the waist. Then the skirt of the dress bloomed out, stretching down to the floor, coving her plain white heels she was wearing. The dress had white ruffled sleeves that covered the tops of Valkyrie's arms stopping at her elbows.

Then Rosalie got set on doing Valkyrie's hair. She elegantly pinned back Valkyrie's hair putting a pale blue flower in it. Rosalie let a few of Valkyrie's previous curls hang down by her face to make the do more elegant.

Next Rosalie pulled out a wet flannel from her pocket and scrubbed Valkyrie's face clean of makeup.

The new fresh-faced Valkyrie frowned. "What did you do that for? I actually looked quite pretty with that makeup on."

Rosalie grinned at her. "Only hussies wore makeup back in these times, kid. And besides – you're beautiful already."

Valkyrie couldn't help but grin back at her. "Well, you do have a point there."

Rosalie linked arms with Valkyrie "Ready to go to the Ball, Cinderella?"

"I'm ready to see Skulduggery." She nodded.

In a blink of an eye, both of them had teleported from the cold orchard into an enormous Ballroom. Valkyrie opened her eyes and looked around her, gasping. She was standing in the biggest Ballroom she had ever seen – including all the Disney films!

The floor beneath her was wooden and polished to a gleam – so much so she could see her reflection! The walls around her were a pale blue that matched her dress, decorated with paintings in solid gold frames, the stretching all the way to the ceiling that was meters and meters above their heads. The ceiling itself was beautiful, covered in intricate illuminations, several crystal chandeliers hanging from it, catching the candlelight that shone from candelabras placed all around the room.

The Ballroom was packed with sorcerers talking and dancing to the beautiful waltz music that someone was playing on a grand piano. Everything was just so elegant and perfect. It was absolutely dazzling.

"Oh my God..." Valkyrie gasped, awe-stuck. "This place is beautiful."

Rosalie nodded. "Well, Skulduggery's always had good taste."

"I can't ever imagine Skulduggery living here. It's seen too exuberant – even for _him_."

"Yeah well, back in these days, Skulduggery was a rich Englishman so it's quite befitting of him."

Valkyrie looked around her, noticing everyone was staring at her. She nudged Rosalie's side. "Rose... why is everyone staring at me? Do I look okay?"

"Everyone is just awe-struck by you. The women are horribly jealous that you are out-shining them and the men are all practically drooling over you."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Please."

Rosalie shrugged. "Well, you are currently the most gorgeous woman in the room – well, you know, apart from me obviously, but hey."

Valkyrie laughed. "Gee, thanks. Look, Rose, I don't care what anyone here thinks of me apart from the one man that counts. Where is Skulduggery?"

"The one that is making his way over to you."

Valkyrie followed Rosalie's gaze, and sure enough a suave skeleton detective in a sharp black tux was making his way over to her. For some unknown reason to herself, Valkyrie's heart did a little back-flip as her legs turned to jelly.

Rosalie nudged Valkyrie forward. "Well, go on then! Do your thing! I'll be here if you need me."

Valkyrie swallowed and nodded sheepishly. She walked over to meet Skulduggery.

"Hello, Miss." Skulduggery said in a formal accent. "I don't believe we've yet had the pleasure of meeting. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Skulduggery Pleasant."

"Valkyrie Cain." She replied, remembering to alter her speech to this time period. "Charmed."

Skulduggery caught her hand and kissed it with his teeth. "The pleasure is all mine."

Valkyrie couldn't help the girlish giggle that escaped her lips or the blush that rose to her cheeks. "Mr Pleasant, you are quite the charmer."

He laughed. "Well, I had to come over here and make an impression on you before anyone else stole you away." Skulduggery leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Between you and me, you are the most enchanting woman in this Ballroom." He leaned back away and laughed. "Even my brother has his eye on you, and that just won't do! I adore the man, but when there's someone as lovely as you in the room – it's just silly not to want you all to myself!"

Valkyrie's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You have a brother?"

"Oh yes, a twin brother. Heath Ryder." Skulduggery nodded at a guy the other side of the room who was tall and handsome with jet black hair and eyes as dark as ebony. "He's that handsome devil over there. Back when I was human we used to be identical. However, I like to think that I was the more dashing of us both."

Valkyrie smiled at him. "You still are."

Skulduggery laughed and held his hand out to Valkyrie. "And on that delightful note, it is my cue to ask you to dance with me. How about it, Miss Cain? May I have the pleasure of this dance?"

Valkyrie took his hand, not even caring that she knew nothing of dancing. "I'd be honoured."

Skulduggery led her to the centre of the dance floor. He held her close to him and they began to waltz – him leading her, making the dance effortless. Valkyrie laughed as he spun and twirled her, making her dress fan out, giving the impression that they were gliding around the Ballroom.

The dance ended and Skulduggery dipped Valkyrie low. He brought her up slowly in a wide arch. When she was standing up straight, her face was only centimetres from his. His arms only tightened around her, keeping her close to him.

"Skulduggery..." She whispered.

"Miss Cain, you are absolutely radiant." Skulduggery said softy.

"Please just call me Valkyrie."

"As you wish, Valkyrie."

She bit her lip; all her emotions were muddled up inside her mind. He was her friend. He was her best friend. They were partners. Then why was her heart pounding at his touch? Why was her breath caught in her chest?

"Are you okay?" Skulduggery asked her. "You're looking quite pale."

"I'm just... thinking." She murmured.

"What about?"

"Would it be to bold of me to kiss you on the cheek?"

Skulduggery laughed. "Is that all? Valkyrie, I would be quite flattered."

Valkyrie tiptoed up to him and kissed him upon his cheek bone. This was a test to see how her body would react to such an action, and the butterflies in her stomach were defiantly an answer.

She _liked_ Skulduggery.

Before she could further process her emotions there was a scream from behind them. A woman screaming. Then there was the sound of something whooshing through the air. Then a man screaming. Valkyrie and Skulduggery both spun round in an instant and were horrified at the scene before them.

Valkyrie could quickly decode what had happened. There was a man wielding a dagger. A man lying dead on the floor, and a woman kneeling by him, helplessly sobbing. It was obvious that the woman had seen the man holding the dagger and screamed. The whooshing sound was the dagger slicing through the air on its way to meeting the dead man's heart. The dead man had been the one to scream last.

And then it was Skulduggery who was screaming. _"HEATH!"_

And then, with sick horror, Valkyrie realised who the dead man was. He was Skulduggery's brother. He was the last family member Skulduggery had... and he was dead now too.

Skulduggery ran to the man holding the dagger. With a sickening crack, Skulduggery had wrenched the man's head a whole 180 degrees and he was dead. Then Skulduggery ran to his brother's side. It was obvious he was dead, but Skulduggery was still shaking his shoulders, begging for him to wake up.

Valkyrie was about to run to be by his ride when a hand landed on shoulder from behind.

"It's time to go." Rosalie said softly.

Valkyrie realised she was in tears. "But... but I can't leave him."

"You have to. Otherwise we're going to mess up the past. Come on, now, we need to go."

A tear rolled down Valkyrie cheeks as she watched Skulduggery break down into huge heart-wrenching sobs, trying desperately to stem the blood flow of his dead brother. "Okay." She whispered.

Rosalie took Valkyrie's hand and within an instant, Valkyrie blacked out.

**If you need some cheering up, check out my blog lol ;)**

**SO! A very Merry Christmas to you all! And a Happy New Year. I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful day, and let me me tell you that I absolutely adore you all, my loyal little readers, from the bottom of my heart. Translation: YOU'RE ALL AWESOME!**

**Season's Greeting from Sabrina Sparrow :3**

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	128. Valduggery: Timeless Part 5

**Happy New Year, my lovelies! Let's start off the New Year well!**

**OOOH! News for all _Tangled_ fans! I have a new story up. It's called _Becoming Flynn Rider_ and it's the story of how little Eugene Fitz-Herbert became Flynn-Rider, escaped the orphanage, rescued Rapunzel, fell madly in love with her and lived happily ever after, etc! Check it out if you're a _Tangled _fan :)**

**But I digress. Enjoy the story!**

Valkyrie and Rosalie left behind Skulduggery and the year of 1864 and were thrown into another memory set in the time of 1810 in a Mansion Drawing Room. Valkyrie was so numb from what she had just seen, she barely even noticed Rosalie slip away to steal Valkyrie some time-period-appropriate clothing.

She ran through what had just happened in her mind. She had seen someone assassinate Skulduggery's twin brother. Skulduggery had crumbled before her very eyes, begging for him to come back. She imagined how her own mind would snap if she had to watch someone kill Alice. She shuddered. It shouldn't even be _thought_ about. It was vile. It was disgusting.

No wonder Skulduggery had finally snapped back in the present, his conscience becoming Lord Vile again. That year in The Faceless Ones World had unhinged him, opening the lid on all these repressed memories. It was enough to drive _anyone_ insane.

She couldn't believe Skulduggery had lived through this much pain. She really didn't want to see anymore. But she didn't have a choice now. She was lost in Skulduggery's memories and the only way to get out was to get to the very source of what had first caused him to become Lord Vile.

And so she had to continue.

Whenever she even though about these new, strange feelings for Skulduggery she cringed away from them. She was Skulduggery's partner, his _friend_. Nothing more. Right...?

Rosalie re-appeared, carrying a lemon-coloured sarsnet dress, embroidered with roses. It had a white lace drapery with train that fastened down the front with topaz snaps. Obediently, Valkyrie put the dress on and slung the rich red scarf carelessly across her shoulders. She slipped her feet into some dainty yellow shoes and put on some lacy white gloves. Rosalie finished off the outfit with a topaz necklace, and earrings.

Valkyrie's hair was then done up in loose ringlet curls, divided by a topaz comb. She wore no makeup, as was not the way in these times. Valkyrie didn't even bother looking in the mirror. She just didn't care anymore.

Rosalie looked at Valkyrie sympathetically and squeezed her hand. "Hey, cheer up, kid. It's not all bad."

"I'm watching Skulduggery's life fall apart before my eyes." Valkyrie choked out. "This is beyond bad. It's horrible."

"But you're helping him, really. You're helping him remember who he is. He needs you, Valkyrie. More than he'll ever let you know. Skulduggery doesn't like to show people his emotions – he doesn't like to feel vulnerable. You have to understand that. He wants to cry out for you help – but he's too scared." She sighed. "In fact, he's crying out for a lot more than that from you."

Valkyrie looked up at Rosalie, sharply. "Excuse you?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Oh, come _on_, Val, you must know how he feels about you by now. And even if you don't, well, all the 'acquainting' you've been doing in his past memories is enough to make him smitten with you by the time you return to the present."

Valkyrie frowned. "You... I... okay, so what you're saying is... Skulduggery is going to _love_ me by the time I get back home?"

Rosalie shook her head. "No that's not what I'm saying at all."

"Oh."

"I'm saying he's going to love you more than he already does."

There was the unmistakable sound of a velvety voice outside the room. Both Rosalie and Valkyrie looked up in alarm.

"You're on your own kid." Rosalie winked at her before promptly teleporting away.

"ROSALIE!" Valkyrie hissed to the thin air.

The door to the Drawing Room opened and a sharply dressed skeleton wearing an 1810 horse-riding style outfit strolled in. He looked positively dashing.

Skulduggery said goodbye to his friends, shutting the door on them. He turned around and sighed heavily. He suddenly noticed Valkyrie, standing in the middle of the room, looking very melancholy and he froze.

"My my." He near-gasped. "What a delight. You know, usually I would be furious at finding a complete stranger in my house, but since you are such a beautiful young thing, I don't think I'd have the heart to usher you out. However, we are still in need for introductions, Miss. I am Skulduggery Pleasant. And you are...?"

Valkyrie just stared at him, unable to speak.

Skulduggery frowned and continued. "Are you lost? Do you need help? You look frightfully tired and I haven't yet seen you smile once. Is everything okay?"

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

This startled Skulduggery more than anything. "Dear Lady, you are crying? Whatever's the matter? Are you ill? Hurt? Has someone upset you?"

Suddenly all of Valkyrie's defences broke down and she was running to him. She flung herself into his arms, not caring what he thought. Surprisingly enough, Skulduggery seemed to return her embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

"Oh, Skulduggery!" She cried into his shoulder. "It's me, Valkyrie. I've missed you so much!"

Skulduggery soothingly rubbed her back. "We've met before? Are you sure?"

"Oh, you don't know me, but I know you! And I wish you knew me, God knows I wish you knew me! It would be so much easier if you knew who I was!"

Skulduggery pulled away from her slightly so he could test her forehead for her temperature. "My Dear, are you feeling alright?"

"No. No I feel awful."

"Come on." Skulduggery said, lifting her up and carrying her over to the sofa where he gently laid her down. "Dry your eyes." He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed away her tears. "Now, why don't you tell me all about what's bothering you and I shall try my best to help."

"You can't help me." Valkyrie cried even harder.

Skulduggery tilted his skull to the side. "Why ever not?"

"Because I'm in love."

He laughed and cradled her face. "Oh dear, is that what all the fuss is about? There's nothing wrong with being in love, Valkyrie. Who is the lucky gentleman, if you don't mind me asking?"

Valkyrie bit her trembling lip. "You, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery was taken aback. "With _me_? But... but we've only just _met_."

Valkyrie reached out a hand and softly stroked his cheekbone. "If only you knew."

Before Skulduggery could reply, there was a thunderous crash from behind them as three male Necromancers crashed through the door, each of them wearing black flowing robes, shadows coiling around them like black cobras.

Skulduggery pulled Valkyrie to her feet and positioned her protectively behind him. He already had fire blazing in each of his hands.

"Iniquity, Sin, Wickedness." Skulduggery snarled at them. "The ShadowKnife brothers. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"We've come back to finish you off, Pleasant." Sin snarled.

Skulduggery laughed, darkly. "Well, I hate to break it to you, gentleman, that's just not going to happen."

Wickedness grinned, evilly. "That's what you think. Iniquity, why don't you show Mr Pleasant here you special... _talent_."

Iniquity smiled. "My pleasure."

Iniquity flung out both his arms in Skulduggery's direction, shadows shooting after him. They wound round Skulduggery's arms and yanked him away from Valkyrie.

Rosalie appeared from behind Valkyrie. She put her hands on her shoulders and whispered, "You won't want to see this, trust me."

Valkyrie watched with horror as Iniquity used the shadows to curl in between Skulduggery's ribcage, making him fall to his knees shrieking and gasping, begging for mercy.

And then, they teleported away, Valkyrie screaming Skulduggery's name all the while.

**I hope you liked it!**

**Check out my new story if you want :)**

**xoxo**


	129. Valduggery:Timeless Part 6

**Since you all seem to love this story so much, here is a super-quick update :)**

**You lucky ducks ;)**

**OH! I've updated the blog for anyone who want to take a look :)**

**Enjoy the story!**

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie shrieked as they teleported back through time. As they were plunged into the year of 1782 Valkyrie was still screaming his name. "Skulduggery! Skulduggery!"

Rosalie gripped onto Valkyrie's shoulders and shook her violently. "Valkyrie! Valkyrie! Calm down!"

"No! No, I have to go back and help him! We have to go back!"

"And do what? What's in the past has already happened. Those three Necromancers ripped his bones apart and left him there in unbearable agony to put himself back together again. Do you really want to see that?"

"I want to save him, dammit!" Valkyrie snapped.

"You can't save him! You can't meddle with the past! You'll mess everything up! Nice job telling him you loved him, by the way!"

Valkyrie frowned. "It's how I feel."

"Yeah, well, I hope Skulduggery from the present was ready to hear that declaration. The last thing he needs is another bombshell hitting him."

"You said he was already in love with me."

Rosalie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Yes, I realise that, but what I'm trying to get at is the fact that he might not be ready to hear you declare your undying love for him. He's been through a lot in his life, in case you haven't quite noticed."

Valkyrie's face fell slack. "Oh…" She looked around her. "Where are we?"

"France in 1782. We are in the garden of Monsoir Pleasant's Grand Mansion. You see that huge white gazebo over there? He's holding an afternoon tea party."

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow at Rosalie. "Skulduggery was French? And he held _tea parties_?"

Rosalie nodded and pulled Valkyrie to her feet. "You wait here. I'll be right back."

Rosalie disappeared momentarily and was back minutes later, clinging onto a frightened looking young woman with blonde ringlets wearing a Cinderella-style dress.

"What's going on?" The frightened woman asked.

"What do you say, Val?" Rosalie asked. "You like this dress?"

Valkyrie frowned. "I… I guess so. Um… why?"

"What do you think? She look like your size?"

"I… suppose?"

Rosalie nodded. "Oh good." She teleported away, leaving Valkyrie and the blonde woman awkwardly looking at each other, and seconds later she was back, holing a frying pan. Without saying a word, she swung and hit the back of the woman's head with the pan, watching happily as she passed out, falling to the ground. "Ta-da!" She said.

"ROSALIE!" Valkyrie hissed.

Rosalie frowned. "What?"

"You just knocked her out!"

"Yeah… and? You needed an outfit – I just got you one."

"Did you have to _knock her out_ though? And what's with the frying pan?"

Rosalie shrugged. "I got the idea from Tangled. Nevertheless. Strip down. I'll get the dress off her, and then you can put it on."

Sighing, Valkyrie did as she was told, shrugging off the lemon yellow dress. Rosalie took the Cinderella dress off the woman and handed it to Valkyrie along with her shoes which Valkyrie put on.

Valkyrie pointed to her hair. "What about this?"

Rosalie took out the ornate turquoise comb and let Valkyrie's ringlets fall loosely around her shoulders. "Perfect. Now, you start making your way over to that gazebo and I'll dress blondie here in your old clothes and teleport her a few miles away from here."

Valkyrie nodded obediently and turned to walk away.

"Oh, and Val?" Rosalie called.

Valkyrie looked back at her over her shoulder. "Yeah?"

"You look absolutely gorgeous, by the way."

Valkyrie couldn't help smiling. "Thanks."

Valkyrie began her walk over to the white gazebo. Upon stepping inside it she was stunned to see all the beautifully dressed women and men around her. However they all stopped and stared when she entered. A waiter walked up to her and offered her some tea in a dainty little china tea cup, but she declined, instead asking where she might find Monsoir Pleasant. The waiter smiled and pointed over to a tall man with their back to them at the other end of the gazebo. She smiled her thanks and made her way over to Skulduggery.

Just ask she was about to tap his shoulder and talk to him, music from the orchestral band started up.

"It's time to dance!" A voice rang out over them. "Gentleman, pick your ladies."

A man grasped Valkyrie hand from behind her and turned her to face him. He was a cute young man with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was dressed in a red prince-style outfit and looked absolutely lovely.

"May I have this dance?" He asked her in a French accent.

"Uh…" Valkyrie looked over her shoulder to see Skulduggery was gone, already picking out his dance partner – a red haired girl in a blue dress not nearly as nice as hers. She turned back to the man. "Um, I don't really know how to dance."

He smiled, kindly. "It's fairly easy. You'll pick it up."

Valkyrie smiled. "Oh, alright then."

The man led her to the platform where everyone was lining up with their partners. "I'm Lexon, by the way. Lexon Banks."

"Valkyrie Cain." She smiled back.

They both took their positions, Valkyrie standing in the women's line facing Lexon who was standing in the men's line. The music started and Lexon bowed to her, so she curtsied back. They stepped up towards each other, then took a step away. They stepped back up to each other and Lexon held out his arms to her. Valkyrie waked into his arms, taking her position, and they began to waltz.

All the couples waltzed gracefully around the platform, each carefully following the rules of the dance, doing the right steps.

"Change partners!" The voice that had ordered them all to dance called out.

Lexon kissed Valkyrie's hand. "I'm afraid this is where it ends, Miss Cain."

Valkyrie smiled. "Thank you for asking me to dance."

She turned around, seeking another dance partner and bumped straight into someone. He was tall and thin, and impeccably dressed. If she was Cinderella, he was surely Prince Charming. Valkyrie looked up and realised she was looking into two big empty eye sockets.

"Oh!" She gasped.

Skulduggery tilted his head at her. "Bonjour, Madame."

"Um…" Valkyrie laughed, nervously. "Pardon?"

Skulduggery laughed. "English?" He asked in a French accent.

"Irish, actually."

"Of course! My mistake, Miss. I am Skulduggery Pleasant. And you are?"

"Valkyrie Cain."

"Well, Valkyrie Cain, it looks like we are dance partners." He held out his arms to her. "May I?"

Valkyrie easily made her way into his arms. "Of course."

They began to waltz around the platform, Skulduggery making everything so effortless. He looked down at her and tilted his head to the side as they dance, so she knew he was smiling. She smiled back.

He dipped her low and brought her back up, twirling her, making her laugh. By now, everyone else had stopped dancing, making room for them as they danced, watching them, chattering excitedly.

The dance ended and Skulduggery lifted Valkyrie as if she weighed nothing, spinning slowly with her, and then placing her gently back on the ground. Everyone around them gave them a round of applause.

Valkyrie laughed, looking around her. "What is everyone getting so excited about?"

Skulduggery laughed. "I think they have realised I have found my suitor."

Valkyrie arched her eyebrow. "Suitor?"

"Yes, but of _course_. This is, after all, a party where I am expected to find a lady I intend to propose to."

Valkyrie almost fainted and had to grip onto Skulduggery so she wouldn't fall.

"Are you okay?" Skulduggery asked, concerned.

"Yes… yes… I'm fine."

Skulduggery looked out to his audience. "I think I have made my decision." He looked back at Valkyrie. Slowly, dramatically, he got down on one knee. "Miss Valkyrie Cain, will you do me the honour of being my wife?"

Valkyrie didn't know what to say. This was a time where you were expected to believe in love at first sight and marry early upon first impressions – but she was merely a visitor in this time period. She couldn't say yes. She wouldn't say yes. It was just ridiculous. Then why was she almost nodding her head?

"NO!" Someone – a woman – yelled from the crowd. It was the red-head that Skulduggery had first danced with. "You should pick me! You chose _me _to dance with you first. You should pick _me_ over _everyone_ here – especially not that pathological little _flirt_."

Valkyrie half-arched an eyebrow. "Excuse _you_?"

Suddenly a man standing next to the woman became enraged. "WHAT? _WHAT?_ Pleasant, you were going to propose to my _wife_?"

Skulduggery tilted his head to the side. "I assure you, good man, I was _not_."

"Then why did you ask me to dance?" Asked the red-head.

"I was being polite. You looked bored. And I didn't know you were married."

The husband looked angrily at his wife. "And _you_! How dare you try to get another man to propose to you!"

"Not that I would." Skulduggery muttered.

The husband looked back at Skulduggery. "What? What did you just say about my wife?"

"I was saying that I wouldn't ever propose to her. Not for all the tea in China. Not even if I were dying miserably on the garden patio."

The husband strode over to Skulduggery, pushing Valkyrie out of the way. "DON'T YOU DARE SAY A BAD WORD AGAINST MY WIFE!"

Skulduggery sighed. "Okay, firstly, don't ever push a lady out of the way – it's just brutish. Secondly, I can say whatever the damn I bloody well like as this is _my_ party. And thirdly – and this really is the most important one – were you not just raging at your wife a second ago for being a – as she so delicately puts it – a _pathological_ _flirt_?"

"I don't care what she has done, you do not insult her. Insulting _her_ is an insult to _me_. And _no one_ insults _my_ honour."

"What honour? You're a weedy little excuse of a man. You are not a lord, nor a sir, nor a duke – you are practically nothing. So I seriously doubt you have any honour or pride for me to insult."

The husband pulled out a sword from his belt. "That's it, Pleasant! I challenge you to a duel!"

"You think that's wise? Crossing blades with me?"

"No, but I'll do it anyway. For my honour."

Sighing, Skulduggery got out his sword and held it up to the man. "Very well."

The man lunged at Skulduggery, but Skulduggery easily blocked. The man tried another swipe, but failed again. He kept trying to get past Skulduggery's defences but never succeeded. Skulduggery let him play his game, and waited for him to be tired before he made his first lunge. He caught the man's arm and slashed it open.

The man screamed and dropped his sword. Skulduggery however wasn't finished. He kicked the man square in the chest, knocking him flat on his back. Skulduggery put his boot on the man's chest and pushed down hard, preventing him from escaping.

"It's funny," Skulduggery said, "how someone will be nothing but talk one moment and the next… he is lying on his back as helpless as a turtle. Curious isn't it?"

"Let me go!" The man begged, fear wild in his eyes. "Are you mad? Let me go!"

Skulduggery pushed his boot down harder on the man's chest and put the tip of the sword against the man's throat. "I think you owe Miss Valkyrie here an apology – in fact, you owe _all_ of my guests an apology for your pitiless behaviour." Skulduggery loomed over the man and snarled at him: "Apologise!"

"All right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please – just don't hurt me!"

"Hurt you? My good man, I'd be more worried about me _killing_ you." Skulduggery laughed under his breath. "Where's your pride now, eh? Where's your honour? Here I am pinning you down. There you are… a snivelling, crying, pathetic little worm trapped under my boot."

"PLEASE!" The man started to panic. "DON'T KILL ME!"

Valkyrie watched all of this – much like the rest of the crowd – with sick fascination. She knew Skulduggery had been a very angry man in the past – but she had never before seen him like this. Although she was almost positive Skulduggery wouldn't _really_ kill the man.

Almost.

The man's red-haired wife ran out from the crowd. "DON'T KILL HIM!" She shrieked running over to Skulduggery, desperately trying – and failing – to pull him off her husband. "PLEASE! WE HAVE THREE KIDS! WE NEED HIM! YOU CAN'T KILL HIM!"

Skulduggery growled at her. "Get. Off. Me."

"PLEASE DON'T KILL MY HUBAND! PLEASE! I BEG YOU! PLEASE I –"

"I SAID GETT OFF ME!" Skulduggery roared, turning to her, whipping the sword in her direction, slashing it across her stomach.

The woman's eyes bugged and she staggered back as blood soaked through her blue dress. Everyone in the crowd, including Valkyrie, gasped in horror. Skulduggery made a horrified noise and dropped the sword, staggering away from her. The husband was up in a second, running to his dying wife, catching her in his arms as she fell. He kneeled beside her on the grass, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"YOU'VE KILLED HER!" Screamed the man at Skulduggery. "YOU'VE KILLED MY WIFE!"

"I… I… I didn't mean to." Skulduggery stuttered, his voice hollow.

"YOU'VE KILLED MY WIFE! MURDERER! _MURDERER_! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL, YOU _SICK FREAK_! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A _MURDERER_!"

Rosalie appeared at Valkyrie's elbow and encircled an arm around her waist. "Time to go, Princess."

This time, Valkyrie gladly blacked out."

**Sorry this was so long... and dark... my bad! But I hope you liked it all the same :)**

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	130. Valduggery: Timeless Part 7

**Here you go :) Part seven!**

**Just a note - anon reviews have been enabled again for the time being :)**

**Also, I've update my blog for anyone who is interested :)**

**Enjoy the storyyyyy!**

When Valkyrie woke, she was lying on the grass in a cemetery. She sat up slowly and looked around her blinking hard. It all looked familiar. It was all horribly familiar. The gravestones, the church... the _temple._

With a gasp she realised where she was. She was in the old graveyard back home in Haggard – the one where Valkyrie had gone to for her necromancer lessons. She was home. She was back in her own time. But something wasn't quite right. Frowning she couldn't put her finger on what was so... _off_.

A shadow of a person fell over her and Valkyrie looked up realising she was looking at Rosalie Storm.

"Rosalie?" Valkyrie frowned. "What are you doing in _my_ time?"

Rosalie arched an eyebrow at her. "_Your_ time? Hon, we're in the year 1730."

"We... we are?"

"Yup."

"But... this place..."

Rosalie nodded. "That's right. This is the place that Skulduggery came to when he became Lord Vile. About half an hour ago he walked into that temple. It won't be long before he's walking out as the most evil man who ever lived."

Valkyrie's eyes widened and she jumped to her feet. "What? No! We have to stop him!"

Rosalie held out a hand, stopping Valkyrie. "Um... no we don't."

"Uh, well, yeah we do."

"You're not allowed to mess up the future, remember?"

Valkyrie sighed. "I already have. Because of me, Skulduggery accidentally killed that red-haired chick. I've already messed up the future, doing it again won't make much of a difference."

Rosalie laughed. "You think that _you're_ the reason Skulduggery killed that girl? Val, back in that era, Skulduggery was the most important, influential sorcerer in all of France. _Every_ girl at that party was dying to dance with him. That girl that I knocked out with a frying pan so you could have her dress? Her name was Lily-May Pretty. She was the one who originally dances with Skulduggery after he's finished dancing with the red-head in his memory. In the original memory, Skulduggery proposes to Lily and exactly the same thing happens. Different girl, same ending."

Valkyrie blinked. "Wait... so that girl getting killed would have happened anyway?"

"Yep. Now you understand why it's still important to not disrupt the past." She tossed Valkyrie a new set of clothes. "Not put these on. I stole them off a nurse in the infirmary tent on the battleground."

Not wasting any time, Valkyrie got changed into the nurse's outfit. It was a long straight white dress that had a dark blue apron over the top. She took her hair down, shook out the waves that had once been curls and pulled her hair back into a low bun at the nape of her neck. She kept her white shoes on and donned a white nurse's hat. She looked exhausted and gaunt. But at least she looked the part.

Rosalie and Valkyrie waited in silence, leaning against the gravestones, waiting for something to happen.

Then all Hell broke loose.

The doors to the temple were blown off their hinges, bits of wood flying through the air, the ground reverberating with the impact. Valkyrie and Rosalie ducked and looked up to see shadows so black they gave ebony a run for its money come streaming through the broken doors in great big waves, chilling the night air.

A man strode out of the temple, dressed head to toe in black armour. He was tall and menacing. Just looking at him made Valkyrie's insides go cold.

Rosalie nodded at Valkyrie. "Have fun." And she disappeared.

"_ROSALIE!"_ She hissed. She heard the clinking of Lord Vile's armour and her attention was drawn back to him. "Oh, _crap!" _She groaned.

Lord Vile had heard her. His head was turned to her, watching her through the black helmet. He held out one arm towards her and before Valkyrie even had time to react, a shadowy tendril was snapping out to her. It wrapped around her ankle and pulled her legs from beneath her, sending her painfully crashing to the ground.

Then Vile made the shadows slowly drag Valkyrie over to him, and although Valkyrie knew this was only her friend Skulduggery underneath the armour, she couldn't help but scream. Brambles and sticks scratched her face as she was hauled through the undergrowth.

Once she was at Vile's feet, he reached down and grabbed her by her hair. He yanked her to her feet, ignoring her screams of pain, and shoved her hard against the temple wall. Closing a hand around her throat, he began to cut off her oxygen.

Valkyrie could only beg.

"Please!" She gasped. "Don't kill me!"

Vile didn't let go.

"You don't understand! This isn't what's meant to happen! I'm not supposed to interfere! If you kill me everything will change in the future!"

Vile still didn't let go. In fact, his grip tightened.

"Please!" Tears sprang to her eyes. "Skulduggery, stop! You're hurting me! Please!"

Lord Vile tilted his head to the side. Slowly he let go. Valkyrie dropped to the ground, gasping for air, clutching her throat. Before Vile had time to do anything else, something crashed into him from behind. He fell in an awkward heap on the ground in front of Valkyrie. Standing behind him was Rosalie holding the remains of a grave stone.

Valkyrie jumped up and pointed an accusing finger at Rosalie. "YOU LEFT ME! YOU LEFT ME ALONE TO FACE LORD VILE!"

Rosalie dropped the gravestone and dusted her hands clean on her trousers. "Oh, _please_, as if I'd do that. I had only gone to get a weapon in case Vile got out of control. The only thing I could find was a gravestone. Hey, stop scowling at me! I would never leave you! It was just a joke!"

"Well, it wasn't funny!" Valkyrie snapped. She looked down at the unconscious Vile. "What happens when he wakes up?"

Rosalie shrugged. "I doubt he'll even remember what happened. No, he'll stride back into war, becoming the infamous Lord Vile that we all know and love."

Valkyrie nodded and held her hand out to Rosalie. "Then we better get out of here fast."

"Damn straight." She took Valkyrie's hand and they disappeared.

**Have tissues at the ready for the next update - it'd going to be a sad one I'm afraid!**

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	131. Valduggery: Timeless Part 8

**Part eight :D**

**OKAY! So I have updated the blog :3 Check it out if you want!**

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**Anyway, enjoy the story - you may need some tissues...**

Valkyrie and Rosalie appeared in a memory of Skulduggery's that was only a little bit before the last one in 1730. With a horrible thud, they landed hard on the stone ground. Valkyrie groaned and rolled over looking at Rosalie who was lying on the ground beside her, panting.

"Hey, Rose." Val murmured. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just a bit worn out. This is not an easy memory to get into."

Valkyrie sat up and helped Rosalie do the same. "Why?"

"It's a memory Skulduggery doesn't want anyone to see – not even himself. He keeps this memory locked up deep inside his subconscious so he never has to re-live it. I kind of had to break into this memory – that's why the landing wasn't quite so smooth."

"So… Skulduggery doesn't want me to see this?" Valkyrie murmured, feeling guilty. "He doesn't want me here?"

"He doesn't want you to have to see this." Rosalie said softly. "He doesn't want you to see him at his most vulnerable moments."

Before Valkyrie could answer, there was the sound of running footsteps from somewhere down the dark tunnel to her right.

Valkyrie started to panic but Rosalie put a finger to her lips and pulled them both back into the shadows. They waited in silence in the shadows, the footsteps getting louder.

Someone ran into view, stopping and looking around frantically, just meters away from them. He was tall with broad shoulders, and Valkyrie could tell that underneath his worn and bloodied soldier's uniform, that his body was toned and muscular. His face, though contorted with worry and anger, was still beautiful. He had high-set cheek bones and a masculine square jaw line. His black, shaggy hair fell low over his emerald green eyes that searched the darkness frantically for something – _anything_.

He was Skulduggery. She knew it straight away. This was Skulduggery when he was still human. He was so perfect and her heart ached for him. She went to run to him but Rosalie angrily yanked her back into the cover of the shadows.

Valkyrie noticed how his cheeks glistened in the flickering light that came from the torches on the stone walls and Valkyrie could tell that he had been crying. Tears of worry. Tears of rage. Every possible anguished expression was visible of his face.

"SERPINE!" He called out, the sound ripping from his throat like a raw animalistic cry of desperation. "SERPINE! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE! GIVE YOURSELF UP!"

He began to run on, panicked, down the hallway. Silently. Rosalie and Valkyrie followed. They saw Skulduggery get to the end of the tunnel and they got as close to him as they could, melting in with the shadows. They watched Skulduggery.

Skulduggery approached the end of the tunnel and frowned at the dead end in front of him. There was the sound of clapping from behind him and he whirled to see Nefarian Serpine walking towards him, a smug look on his face.

"Serpine." Skulduggery hissed.

"Well, well, well!" Serpine said, wicked glee toning his voice. "If it isn't Skulduggery Pleasant, the strong and valiant soldier! What ever could you be doing here?"

"Where are they?" Skulduggery snarled.

"Oh, Skulduggery, my dear old enemy, I have no idea what you mean."

"Give them back to me, Serpine. I mean it. Do it right now, or I'll kill you."

Serpine arched an eyebrow at him. "Oh yeah? You and what army? You came here alone and unprepared, without even a weapon to defend yourself. Quite reckless on your behalf, I must say."

"Serpine, give me my goddam family back or I swear to _God_, I'll–"

"Okay! Okay!" Serpine said, raising his hands up defensively. "I'll bring them out! No need to get your frowny-face going!"

Serpine motioned to someone behind him that was hidden in the shadows. He walked forward and Valkyrie could see that it was a broad, strong man, dragging something along behind him. Valkyrie realised with sickening horror at the same time as Skulduggery that what he was dragging was a woman. Skulduggery's wife. He was dragging her along behind him.

The woman's blonde hair was tangled and drenched in her own sweat and blood. Her blue eyes were terrified, tears streaming from them. She was gagged so she could only make strangled retching noises. She was dressed in rags that were, like her hair, covered in her own blood, plastered to her body with sweat.

Skulduggery looked like he might pass out for a horrible moment, and then the next he was striding towards his wife, ready to rip her from the man's grip.

Serpine pointed his right red hand at Skulduggery's wife. "Not one more move." He said sharply.

Skulduggery stumbled back slightly and looked at his wife, pain burning in his green eyes. He looked viciously over at Serpine. "Let her go. Now. Let her go now, and I'll be kind enough to make your death quick."

Serpine began laughing. "Oh, but Skulduggery, it's _me_ who will be doing the killing!"

From the shadows behind Skulduggery, out stepped another man, as big as the one restraining Skulduggery's wife. Before Skulduggery could even make a move, the man was smashing a fist into his face. Skulduggery staggered back, dazed, and the man reached out and grabbed Skulduggery around his throat. He pinned him to the wall and slammed his forehead into him. Skulduggery moaned painfully.

"Pin him to the wall." Serpine ordered his minion, sharply. "Quickly, before he regains his strength."

The man nodded and pulled four daggers from his jacket. He pushed Skulduggery's arm against the wall and jammed the dagger into his hand, pinning it to the stone wall. Skulduggery screamed, loud and piercing, making Valkyrie's knees go weak. Rosalie held her up and put a hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming. Tears began to run freely down Valkyrie's cheeks.

The man did the same with Skulduggery's other hand, and pinned his feet to the floor in the same way, more screams filling the air, more tears staining Valkyrie's cheeks. Rosalie was literally holding Valkyrie up now as the sight of the blood gushing freely from Skulduggery's wounds was making her physically ill.

Skulduggery was panting and gasping for breath, tremors of pain shooting through his body. Sweat clung to his forehead, dripping off his face, his teeth gritted. Tears welled in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't move.

Serpine smile like a conceited child watching Skulduggery writhe in agony. "Now," he nodded, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "I'm going to enjoy this."

"I'm going to kill you." Skulduggery groaned, trying to put all the strength behind it that he could.

"Yes, yes." Serpine nodded at him, patronisingly. "You're _very_ scary." He looked over his shoulder at the man holding Skulduggery's wife. "Bring her to me."

The man dragged Skulduggery's wife over to Serpine and dropped her at his feet. She tried to crawl away from him but he lashed a vicious kick into her side and she crumpled, curling into a ball on the floor.

"LEAVE HER ALONE!" Skulduggery roared, surprisingly strong, despite the fact he was bleeding so tremendously.

Serpine looked up at Skulduggery and grinned. "Make me." He sneered. He crouched by Skulduggery's wife and roughly took her face in his hand, ripping off her gag. "Name?" He spat at her. "What's your name?"

"Belle." She croaked, weakly.

"Belle." He repeated. "What a pretty name. Well, let me tell you something, Belle. I'm going to kill you."

"No." She begged, sobbing. "Please don't."

"But it will be so much fun! And look, Skulduggery is here to watch!"

"No." She moaned, miserably.

"No!" Skulduggery cried. "No, don't hurt her! Please!"

Serpine smiled but didn't look at him, he kept on looking at Belle. "My, my, my! Do you hear that, Belle? Your husband, the great and fearsome soldier, _begging_? Tsk, tsk. That just _breaks your heart_ doesn't it?"

Belle was beyond words now, just sobbing quietly.

Serpine cradled her face gently. "Now, now, hush, hush. There's no need to get yourself all worked up."

"Don't hurt my husband." Belle begged, miserably. "Please don't hurt him or our child."

Serpine leaned forward and kissed away her tears, making her more frightened than ever.

"SERPINE!" Skulduggery roared, his temper winning out over his pain again. "LEAVE HER ALONE YOU SICK EVIL BASTARD!"

Serpine smiled down at Belle's terrified face and forcefully pulled her into a violent kiss, crushing his lips to hers. Belle screamed against his lips and struggled to be free of his grip.

"I SAID LEAVE HER ALONE!" Skulduggery thundered, using all the dwindling strength he had.

Serpine pulled away from Belle, laughing maniacally and tossed her back to the ground. He raised his foot and smashed it down painfully against her face, breaking her nose, her shriek of agony filling the tunnel.

Skulduggery went to cry out again, but he choked on his own blood that was gargling out of the corners of his mouth. All he could manage was a weak and strangled, "Please don't hurt her, Serpine. Please."

Serpine grabbed Belle by her hair and pulled her up, screaming, onto her knees. He held the dagger to her face and looked over at Skulduggery. "What you going to do about it, Skulduggery? What could you possibly do to persuade me to not carve up your pretty little wife's face? Are you going to _beg_ me?"

"Please." Skulduggery panted. "Please. Don't."

Serpine smiled at him. "And yet, I'm still not convinced you mean it." He slowly dragged the blade across Belle's face and she let out a raw cry of pain.

"No." Skulduggery moaned, weakly struggling to be free. "Don't hurt her. Kill me. Not her. Serpine... please. _Please_." Tears welled in his eyes. "Please. I love her."

Serpine sighed frustrated. "You know what, Skulduggery? You really do bore me. I mean, you _really_ do. I've got you dying, pinned to a wall, bleeding slowly to death, watching me torture your wife to death... and you still bore me."

Skulduggery struggled to keep eye contact with his wife, his focus blurring as he bobbed in and out of consciousness. "Belle. Sorry, Belle. So sorry. I love you. So much. Forgive me. I love you. I love you." He began to sob uncontrollably. "Oh, Belle..."

Belle, slowly dying, lying on the floor by Serpine's feet, whispered. "I love you Skulduggery. Never forget me."

"Never." He whispered back through his tears.

"Oh, for God's sake." Serpine snapped. He pointed his right red hand at Belle and she was engulfed in a violent stream of purple tendrils. With an ear-splitting shriek, her life was snatched away from her. Her scream abruptly cut off, her body went limp, and the silence that next filled the ear was even more deafening than the scream.

And then all that could be heard was the sound of Skulduggery quietly crying.

**This chapter will have a part 2 to it... if that makes sense... anyway, it is where we will be seeing Skulduggery's child... OH MORE TISSUES!**

**Don't forget to check out my blog and my Tumblr - the links to both are on my profile page :)**

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxo**


	132. Valduggery: Timeless part 9

**Time for another very sad chapter.**

**Warning: Some bad language used!**

"I hate you." Skulduggery sobbed quietly. "I hate you."

Serpine nodded, feigning sympathy. "Yes, yes, I know you do."

"Fucking bastard."

"The feeling, my old enemy, is mutual."

"I'm going to kill you."

"Says the dying man pinned to the wall, crying like a little girl."

"I HATE YOU!" Skulduggery screamed fiercely through the tears. "I WILL KILL YOU, YOU FILTHY, SICK, EVIL, COWARDLY, FUCKING _CURR_!"

"Tut tut." Serpine shook his head. "Is that the kind of language your daughter should be hearing?"

A sob hitched in Skulduggery's throat. "Bonnie? No. No, not Bonnie."

Serpine grinned, clearly enjoying Skulduggery's tormented expression. "Yes. _Bonnie_."

"Oh _no_."

"Oh _yes_."

"Please, Serpine… no. She's a child. She's my little girl. She just turned six last week, she's still a _baby_!"

"You seem to be mistaking me for someone who cares."

"Please." Skulduggery whispered. "Please. Don't hurt my baby. Please don't."

Serpine looked over at Skulduggery. "Watching you beg is very amusing, don't get me wrong. But I'm on a schedule I need to keep to."

"Serpine." Skulduggery begged, not caring about the tears streaming down his pale cheeks. "Please. You've got what you wanted. You've captured me, tortured me, made me beg, made me cry, you watched me witness the death of my own wife for God's sake. You even get to kill me after this. You've got everything you want. Now it's time to stop. Consider it my dying wish. Don't hurt my little girl. Haven't you ever had a child? Haven't you ever loved someone so much you can't even _bear_ to _think_ of them being hurt? Haven't you ever loved _anyone_? Not even a family member? Please, as one man to another, don't hurt my baby girl. Please, Nefarian. Please."

Serpine looked at Skulduggery with guarded eyes for a moment, and then his expression turned hard. "You don't get last requests, Pleasant. Dirty little _cads_ like you don't get last requests." He looked back into the shadows at another one of his guards. "Bring the child."

Another guard emerged from the shadows, dragging a petite little girl behind him by her golden blonde hair. Her ragged clothing was stuck to her body with dried blood and sweat. She had her mother's face but her father's piercing green eyes. But now she was not the smiling child that Skulduggery remembered. She was gagged and bound, her face contorted in sheer terror and pain. No child should ever have gone through this.

The guard threw the little girl to the ground and ripped the gag off her. A long, desperate, wail of misery ripped from her throat, making both Skulduggery and Valkyrie burst into a fresh wave of tears.

"Bonnie! Bonnie" Skulduggery called to her through his tears. "Bonnie! It's okay! I'm here! Daddy's here! Look at Daddy, sweetheart!"

Bonnie stopped crying immediately and looked up at Skulduggery with big sad eyes. "Daddy?"

"That's right, honey. Daddy is here, its okay, darling."

"Where did mummy go?"

"I–" Skulduggery's voice broke. "I don't know, darling."

"I want to go home, Daddy. I don't like it here."

"Soon, honey, soon. I'll take you home soon."

Serpine snorted. "That's it, keep lying to the child."

Skulduggery ignored Serpine, and kept talking to his daughter in his soothing tone, even though everyone could hear his voice trembling. "Are you hurt, baby? Did anyone hurt you?"

"Yes."

"Tell me what happened, sweetheart. Tell Daddy, don't be scared."

"My knees hurt. I fell and they're bleeding. I need a bandage."

Skulduggery laughed, weakly. "Is that all, honey? Thank God."

Bonnie frowned, as if only noticing something was wrong. "Daddy, what's wrong? Why are you crying? Please don't cry, Daddy."

This only made Skulduggery's tears fall faster. "I'm okay, darling. I'm fine, I promise."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Angel." Skulduggery choked out.

Serpine groaned audibly, and stepped up behind Bonnie. "Enough of this! I have things to do!"

Valkyrie gasped from where she was in the shadows. She fought against Rosalie's iron grip.

"Val!" Rosalie pleaded with her, quietly. "Stop! We can't disrupt the past!"

"I can't let it happen! I can't let the child die!" She hissed back.

"You don't have a choice."

Serpine's voice cut over both of them. "Time to finish what I've started." He held out his red right hand to Bonnie. He looked up at Skulduggery, viciously. "Any last words, Pleasant?"

Skulduggery looked at Bonnie. "Bonnie, baby, look at Daddy. That's it, that's a good girl. Now listen to me, darling. Something is going to happen in a minute and I need you to do something for me, okay? I need you to be a very big brave girl for me, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

"Good girl. Now I need you to shut your eyes for me. That's it, that's a good girl. Now I need you to think of the happiest memory you have of you, mummy and me. Can you do that? Now picture that in your head, darling. Let it make you as happy as you make me. Keep your eyes closed and keep picturing it."

"I'm remembering when you and mummy took me to the seaside, and you bought me an ice-cream."

"Are you, honey?"

"Yes, and then I spilt my ice-cream on your lap, so you wiped it off and put it on the end of my nose."

"Is that what I did?"

"And then you kissed my forehead, and then you kissed mummy."

"That's right, I did, didn't I? Are you happy, darling?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Good. I love you, flower."

"I love you too, Daddy."

"When you see mummy, tell her I love her too. Tell her I'm so sorry, but I love you both so much."

"Yes, Daddy. Will you be with us soon?"

"Very soon, Angel. I promise I will find my way back to you somehow."

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you more."

Serpine growled, frustrated. He flexed his fingers at Bonnie and purple tendrils of smoke shot out at her. Suddenly she was screaming,, raw and inhumanly – like no child should ever have to scream. And then Skulduggery was screaming too. Screaming her name. In a matter of seconds, it was all over, but it seemed like so much more. Bonnie's body went limp.

Serpine dusted his hands off and looked around, pleased with himself. He nodded at a guard who came forward and picked up Bonnie's dead body, chucking it over his shoulder along with Skulduggery's deceased wife and melted back into the shadows with them.

All that could be heard again was the sound of Skulduggery sobbing, louder than before this time, not bothering to try and stifle his cries. He didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

Rosalie was holing Valkyrie in a tight hug, comforting her. Valkyrie peeked out of the corner of her eye to keep watch on Skulduggery. He was all that mattered to her.

Serpine laughed, a cold, dark sound. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a dagger by the blade, careful not to touch the handle. He threw it onto the floor at Skulduggery feet. Skulduggery barely even noticed it, hardly being able to see past his tears.

At Serpine's nod, one of his guards stepped forward and wrenched the daggers from Skulduggery's hands and feet, stepping away from him immediately as Skulduggery fell into a pool of his own blood, shaking and crying.

"Well, Skulduggery," Serpine sneered at him, "here's your chance. Are you going to kill me like you swore you would? Are you going to avenge your family? Go on. I _dare _you."

Valkyrie went to scream, to warn Skulduggery to not touch the dagger, but Rosalie clamped a hand down over her mouth.

Skulduggery slowly got to his knees. He lifted his head, a terrifying sight, his beautiful face covered in his own blood, twisted into an expression of pure hatred and rage.

"Come one, Pleasant." Serpine goaded him. "Come and get me. You know you want to."

Pulling all his last few ounces of strength together, Skulduggery snatched up the dagger and lunged to his feet. Before he could even make it to Serpine, Skulduggery was screaming in agony. He dropped the dagger and fell to the floor, cries of pain ripping their way out from his chest, up his throat and through his lips. Valkyrie struggled in vain to get to him.

Skulduggery's body convulsed as the poison that was on the handle of the dagger seeped through the wounds in his hands, working their way into his blood system. All he could manage to do now was make strangled gagging sounds.

Serpine marched over to Skulduggery and leaned over him, leering. "What was that, Skulduggery? What were you saying about killing me?" He laughed. "I guess the best man finally won, eh?"

One of his guards behind him handed Serpine a can of gasoline. He began to tip the contents of the can over Skulduggery, soaking him in it. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of matches. He slid out a match, and striking the edge of the box, a flame appeared.

Valkyrie knew what he was going to do. She couldn't let it happen.

"_No!" _She shrieked and leapt out from the shadows.

Serpine turned to her, and before he could do anything, she was sending a shadow at him, knocking him and all his guards unconscious. The match fell to the stone ground and Valkyrie stomped it out. She turned to Skulduggery, already dead and kneeled beside him.

"Oh, _Skulduggery_!" She crooned.

"VALKYRIE!" Rosalie emerged from the shadows, outraged. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

**I told you it was sad!**

**I'll update soon!**

**xoxo**


	133. Valduggery: Timeless Part 10

**Happy Birthday Skiehr'Kaeur! This update is for you Honey :)**

Valkyrie ignored Rosalie's angry shout and carried on fussing over Skulduggery, although he was long gone now. Just an empty shell. His glassy green eyes stared up at the ceiling, no emotion in them.

"Oh, Skulduggery." She was suddenly in a fresh wave of tears. She bowed her head to his chest and cried softly into his torso.

Rosalie sighed, seeing that being angry with her wasn't going to get her anywhere. She sat down beside Valkyrie and waited until she had cried herself out before she spoke.

Finally, Valkyrie slowly sat up, pushed her hair back off her face, and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands.

"You okay, kid?" Rosalie asked, gently.

Valkyrie nodded. "You don't have to be nice to me. I know I screwed up. You have every right to be mad at me."

"I know that." Rosalie nodded. "I _am_ mad at you. I'm furious, in fact. Valkyrie, how could you be so _stupid_?"

A lump caught in her throat. "I couldn't let them do that. Burn him. I just... I couldn't."

"But, Valkyrie, you've meddled with the past now. Everything in the present is going to change. _Everything_. Skulduggery isn't going to be the same anymore."

"That's right." Valkyrie nodded. "Now, he is going to be human again."

Rosalie arched an eyebrow at her. "Excuse me?"

"Don't you see? When Serpine wanted a way to kill Skulduggery he sought the help of Auron Tenebrae. Tenebrae agreed to help Serpine, but secretly he didn't want to let Skulduggery get killed if he was the possible Death Bringer. He told me that he had taught Serpine how to use the magic of his red right hand, but he had made it so that if it was ever used on Skulduggery and Skulduggery died, then he would come back whatever state he was in _before_ he died."

Rosalie nodded. "Yes, yes, I know all of that. I don't see what point you're trying to make though."

Valkyrie sighed. "The point I'm trying to make is that we can save him! He's dead now – I know that, but that's not what I mean. The legend of Skulduggery Pleasant says that Serpine tortured, murdered and then burned him to a skeleton. When Skulduggery came back, he came back as that same skeleton. Because that's the state he was in before he died – just like Tenebrae had intended. What if we _don't _let Serpine burn Skulduggery? That way... that way, when he comes back, he'll be human. When I go back to the present, Skulduggery will be human. He'll have his body back – it will be perfect, don't you see it?"

However, Rosalie's jaw only clenched. "And you think that's a good idea, do you? To change everything? What if Skulduggery doesn't _want_ to be human again?"

"Oh, of course he does! He wants it more than anything in the world – apart from his family of course. He would never admit to it, but it's so obvious!"

"Right, and you're sure that wanting Skulduggery to have his body back has nothing to do with the fact that you've recently discovered that you're madly in love with him? A little convenient that when you can finally declare your undying love to him, he'll finally be human again, making you relationship possible."

Valkyrie scowled. "It's not like that at all, Rose. I want Skulduggery to be happy. I want to give him back something after all that he's given me. He deserves this."

"Are you sure about that? Absolutely positive you're not a little lacking in your objectivity here?"

"I just saw his wife and child be taken away from him; I'm not going to let him have his body taken away from him too."

"You're not fooling anyone, Val."

Valkyrie jumped to her feel, snapping. "Alright! Alright! So maybe I _do _want this for me as well as for him – but is that so bad? I want to give us a chance, is that so wrong? Why are you making _me_ out to be the bad guy here?"

Rosalie stood up too. "No one is blaming you, Val. It's just..." She sighed. "Oh, Val, honey, you've got to understand that... you've made this really difficult for me. I... I can't just let you interfere. It goes against every rule in the book."

"Please, Rose. Please." Valkyrie kneeled by Skulduggery again, and lifted his head gently, placing it on her lap. "I'm in love with him. I know I've realised it a little late, but I am. And I need you, Rose. I need your help. As a friend. Aren't you my friend, Rosalie?"

Rosalie stared at Valkyrie for a moment, a pained look on her face. Eventually her expression lightened and she sighed. "Oh, fine! Fine, we'll do it! I'll do it!"

For what seemed like the first time in an age, Valkyrie genuinely smiled. "What, do you mean it?"

"I can't believe I'm about to say this, but yeah, I mean it. Here, budge over, let me get where you are."

Rosalie kneeled beside Valkyrie who shuffled away so Rosalie could squeeze in, Skulduggery's head now resting on her lap.

"Stand back." Rosalie warned.

Valkyrie did as she was told, shuffling backwards. As soon as she was out of range, Rosalie teleported away with Skulduggery. She was only gone for a few minutes but Valkyrie was still worried out of her mind. She kept a watchful eye over Serpine and his henchmen ready to knock any of them out if they came round.

Rosalie teleported back, a satisfied smile on her face. "Done."

Valkyrie spun around to face her. "Rose! You've done it? Where is he?"

"Instead of waking up in a bag, drifting down the river, as a pile of bones, Skulduggery will be waking up in a comfortable bed in hospital in London. By the time Serpine and his guards wake up from that near-bloody-coma you've put them in, Skulduggery will already be too far away for them to find him. He'll be alive again before _anyone_ has the chance to find him."

A huge smile sprung onto Valkyrie's face. She bounded forward and flung her arms around Rosalie who returned the hug, laughing.

"!" She squealed.

Rosalie laughed and pulled away. "You owe me."

"I do." Valkyrie noted the shimmering dark blue fabric Rosalie was holding. "What you got there?"

"I may have stopped by a boutique on the way and _'borrowed'_ you a dress."

"Really?"

"Well, it's not every day you return home from the year 1730 to the present day to reunite with the love of your life, is it now?"

Valkyrie smiled. "I guess not."

"I thought you'd want to look your best. A little outdated, but remember, that Skulduggery was from this time, so to him you'll look even more beautiful in this dress."

"Rose?"

Rosalie grinned at her. "Yeah?"

"You rock."

"I know."

**Things are about to get very interesting :D**

**Happy Birthday again, Skiehr'Kaeur! Have an amazing day!**

**xoxo**


	134. Valduggery: Timeless Part 11

**Finally! This is it! The last part of the Timeless series! It has been a _huge_ jouney, but I have written an ending I'm sure you will all love :)**

**Special thanks again to Rosalie Storm for letting me use her character. You are awesome - I couldn't have done it without you :3**

**Consider this as my Valentines present to you all :)**

**Enjoy!**

"How do I look?" Valkyrie asked, nervously.

"Honey," Rosalie said, taking a step back, "if Skulduggery doesn't snap you up, I sure as Hell will."

Valkyrie laughed. "You think he'll like this dress?"

"He might just orgasm on cue."

"Rosalie!"

Rosie flashed Valkyrie a foxish smile. "Can't help it, you're too gorgeous, it had to be said."

Valkyrie couldn't help but grin. She looked down at herself. She was wearing a midnight blue satin dress that was a corset-style affair around her bust and torso, pulling in tight at her waist, and then it fanned out, falling to the ground in gentle ruffles. Her sleeves were made of the softest blue lace.

Her hair had been pinned up, elegantly in a French twist by Rosalie who had miraculously pulled hundreds of hair-pins out of her pockets. Rosalie told Valkyrie she didn't need any makeup – she was beautiful enough already.

They had to settle with the white 1730 nurse's shoes Valkyrie was wearing, but that wasn't too big a problem as they couldn't be seen under the dress anyway.

She looked up at Rosalie. "Take me home, Rose."

Rosalie stepped forward and took Valkyrie hands in her own with a smile. "It's been an absolute pleasure getting to know you, Valkyrie Cain. I hope everything works out for you."

Valkyrie smiled back. "Thank you so much for everything. I'll never forget you."

And with a soft popping noise, they were gone.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

In the blink of an eye, Valkyrie was back where she started, in the basement of Cassandra Pharaohs', steam pouring around her, clouding her view of anything. She went to turn to Rosalie, but remembered she wasn't there. She realised she was holding something in her hand, realising it was a crumpled piece of paper. Rosalie must have sneaked it in when they teleported. She opened it up and read it, silently.

_Val, it's been great working with you, getting to dress you up, take you to different memories, show you all kinds of magic – it's been really amazing. You know I couldn't follow you back to the present because I have to move onto my next assignment. I'll miss you, though – I hope you'll miss me too. Now, put this piece of paper down and go find your man, you gorgeous thing!_

_Love, Rosalie_

_P.S. If you ever try changing the past again, I will officially throttle you._

_xoxo_

Valkyrie smiled warmly. Her train of through shattered, however, when she heard a voice. _His_ voice. Velvety and smooth and just _perfect_.

"Where is she? She's been gone for _hours_!" Skulduggery said, sounding more anxious than Valkyrie had ever heard him before.

"Please, Skulduggery." That was Cassandra's voice, "Calm down. You'll give your poor new heart a heart-attack."

"You think I care about this new body? Well, my _old_ body? You think any of this matters without Valkyrie here?"

"Patience, Skulduggery, _patience_."

Skulduggery moaned, the sound seeming more like a miserable whimper. "This is all my fault. What if she is gone forever? What if she's lost in my past? Or something in one of my memories killed her? Or if something she saw about me was so horrible she never want to see me again? I've seen what she saw. She's there now, her face, in each of the memories, the same expression – horrified. What if she hates me?" His tone hitched at the end.

"Would you like a tissue, dear?" Cassandra offered kindly.

"Yes please. I forgot how bloody emotional these human bodies can be."

Valkyrie couldn't stand it anymore. She had to be with him. The _real_ him – not a just a memory. "Skulduggery?" She called out to him.

"Valkyrie?" He heard her call back.

"I'm here! I'm back!" She tried to find her way through the steam to him.

A strong pair of hands found hers. "Val?"

She looked up, seeing she was looking into the emerald green eyes she remembered. The same shaggy black hair fell loosely, hanging just above his eyes. He had the same high cheekbones, square jaw line and pale skin. Every part of him was human and perfect. "Oh, Skulduggery." She sighed and practically fell into his arms.

He responded immediately, wrapping his strong arms around her, pulling her against his toned chest. "Oh, God, Valkyrie, you're really here."

"I'll leave you two alone." Cassandra said from somewhere in the mist, her footsteps getting further and further away.

"You're human again." Valkyrie sobbed into his chest. "We did it. It worked."

"What worked, Val? _You_ did this? Talk to me."

"We saw Serpine kill you. He was about to burn you to a skeleton, and I couldn't just watch. I knocked him out and we took you away somewhere where he couldn't hurt you, so you'd come back as your old self again."

"Well, that certainly accounts for my sudden memory of waking up in a hospital in London." He looked at her. "And you... I remember you in all of my memories. You were there. You saw _everything_."

"Yes," she avoided his eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Valkyrie, how can you bear me even _touching_ you when you've seen what I've done to others in my past?"

"Because I also saw the actions that drove you to become who you were. But that is who you _were_ Skulduggery. Not who you are now."

"And you'd forgive me, just like that?"

"I always will." She whispered.

He looked at her with troubled eyes, yet his arms still didn't unwrap from around her waist. "Valkyrie... I... I..." He sighed. "We need to talk."

"Oh no..."

"Do remember that memory, in the mansion, and I walked in after just finishing up a game of polo and I found you in my drawing room. You were wearing that lemon yellow dress?"

Valkyrie swallowed, thickly. "The memory where those necromancers tore you up."

"Yes, that one. Do... do you remember what you said to me?"

"I said I loved you." Valkyrie said in a small voice, her gaze dropping to the floor.

"Val, look at me." Skulduggery said, softly.

She shook her head.

"Please, Val?"

She still shook her head.

Sighing, Skulduggery put a finger under her chin and tilted her head upwards to look at him. "Valkyrie, you have to tell me. Did you mean it? What you said – did you mean it?"

A tear rolled down her cheek. "I meant every word. I love you so much, Skulduggery. But if you don't feel the same..."

"Now, now," he hushed, "whoever said I didn't feel the same?"

Valkyrie's eyes widened. She was about to ask him what he meant, but his lips had already descended upon hers. She closed her eyes, her hands curling into his hair. His arms tightened around her waist, bringing her even more impossibly closer to him. They were more like one, so close they were hardly two different people anymore. Her lips tasted his. He caught her lower lip between his teeth and bit down gently, making her moan softly.

Skulduggery pulled away, panting. "I have been waiting for that moment for so long. I love you so much, Valkyrie." He suddenly realised what she was wearing. "Good God, you look stunning."

"Thanks. I wore it for you."

"You might not be wearing it for long."

She laughed. "I love that you're human again."

"Trust me; I think _I_ could get used to it too."

Laughing again, she pulled him back into the perfect, loving, timeless kiss.

**There you go, a big happy ending! I really hope you all liked it!**

**Thank you again, Rosalie Storm - you're a star!**

**I'm going to be needing some suggestions for what Valduggery stories to write about next :) Let me know if you have any :)**

**Happy Valentines day!**

**xoxo**


	135. Valduggery: A charming Date

**Hello my lovely Little Sparrows :) I trust you are all well - better than me, I hope, who is currently sick as a dog!**

**I present to you all, a brand new little Valduggery one-shot :) I wasn't going to do this story, I was actually starting to write a different one that was based around a very sensitive subject and I thought that with all due respect, that I should ask your opinions on it before I put it up. It's about the problems some teenagers face such as starving and cutting themselves, and suffering with derpession. I wanted to ask you all if anyone does not want me to put this chapter up. Just let me know and I'll wipe it from my laptop and we shall say no more of it. Let me know if you don't want me to put it up, no hard feelings - promise :)**

**Anyway, back to the story! I hope you all like this giant bundle of Valduggery-fluffiness! :)**

Valkyrie stormed into Skulduggery's house, throwing her coat and handbag on the floor. Skulduggery trailed in behind her, bemused, picked up her coat and bag and hung them over the back of the couch.

Valkyrie strode off the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, locking it. Skulduggery stared at the door, his skull tilted to one side, wondering what he had done to put her in such a bad mood.

Minutes later, Valkyrie re-emerged, makeup-free and pushed past Skulduggery and made for the sofa in the living room, sitting down sulkily and clicking the TV on with the remote.

Skulduggery followed her and sat down beside her sheepishly.

"So..." he began, "I had fun tonight..."

Valkyrie gave him a look that could kill. "Don't start."

"Um, I assure you I'm not, considering I don't even know what I've done to start on."

"You know what you did."

"I... I don't think I do. In fact I would go as far as saying I don't think I did _anything_."

Valkyrie scowled at the TV as she surfed through the channels. "You're right, Skulduggery. You didn't do _anything_. You did absolutely _nothing._ You were _perfect_. And _that's_ what the problem is. How _could_ you?"

Skulduggery cocked his skull to one side. "Um... I'm so sorry...?"

"You should be." She snapped. "Why can't you just be normal for once? Why can't we go out and you act like a _normal guy_ for at least one night?"

"Um... please run by me how my behaviour tonight displeased you, Valkyrie?"

"Oh, you were _amazing!_ You were _wonderful!_ Such a _gentleman!_ Ever-so-_charming!_ Dinner, dancing, a stroll along the beach looking up at the stars! It was all just _peachy_!"

If Skulduggery could still frown he would have. "I don't see how any of that could have possibly caused this reaction from you, if I'm honest, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie put down the remote and turned to face him. "Are we living in the eighteenth century or something? Are you supposed to be a polite, debonair gentleman, and me a quiet reserved lady? I mean, _God_, we might as well be going on chaperoned dates at this rate!"

Skulduggery hesitated. "Tonight was a... _date_?"

Valkyrie blinked at him. "Oh my God, _really_? Are you _really_ asking me that?"

"Well," Skulduggery began, "at the risk of another one of your glares... yeah, I am."

Valkyrie's head fell into her hands. "Lord, give me strength."

"Are you mad at me?" Skulduggery asked, innocently.

"Yes I'm mad at you!" Valkyrie exploded, looking up at him. "Tonight was a _date_! You were supposed to show up with flowers and tell me how pretty I look. You're supposed to take me out and make stupid unfunny jokes and I'd laugh at them anyway because I want you to know that I'm into you. At dinner you're supposed to be playing footsie with me under that table and when we go dancing, you're mean to get angry and say _no_ when other guys ask if they can cut in! When we're walking along the beach under the stars, you were supposed to pull me close and hold me and kiss me under the moonlight, not talk about whatever latest case we've been working on! Don't you get _any_ of this?"

Skulduggery hesitated for a moment. "Why does answering that question feel like a trap?"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and threw the remote at Skulduggery as she stood up. "Oh, whatever, I don't care anymore. I'm going to get changed into my pyjamas and watch TV upstairs."

She marched out of the living room and up the stairs to the get changed in the spare room, leaving Skulduggery sitting on his sofa, puzzled.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Valkyrie was upstairs in the spare room, sprawled across the king-sized-bed in her dark purple pyjama shorts and tank top and white, fluffy, bunny slippers. Her hair was pulled up into a pony tail that swished around her shoulders it was so long. She was watching a re-run episode of _The Vampire Diaries_ and was agonising over who was the more attractive Salvatore Brother, Damon or Stefan.

The doorbell rang downstairs and Valkyrie called to Skulduggery. "Skul, can you get the door please? I'm in my pyjamas!"

No response. The doorbell rang again and Valkyrie groaned.

"Skulduggery!" She snapped. "Will you get the door please?"

The only answering response was the doorbell ringing again, twice.

Valkyrie growled in annoyance and rolled off the bed. She flung open the bedroom door and stormed down the stairs. She looked furiously around for Skulduggery, but didn't see him anywhere. She groaned again and went to the front door, wrenching it open.

"What?" She snapped. "What do you want?"

The man standing on the porch smiled at her brilliantly, his dark brown eyes crinkling beneath his shaggy sandy hair that swept low over them. He wore a dark blue pin-striped suit and a matching fedora. The man held out a bouquet of white lilies to her and his smile broadened.

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow at him. "Skulduggery, tell me that is not you?"

The man's velvety voice was enough to assure her. "Guilty as charged."

She sighed "What are you doing, Skulduggery?"

"Making it up to you." Skulduggery said, giving her the flowers. "I'd like a second chance at our date. You look lovely by the way."

"I'm in my pyjamas."

"Still gorgeous."

Valkyrie tried not to smile. "Fine. Come in."

Skulduggery stepped inside and linked his arms with hers. "We should hurry; I have dinner reservations at this quaint little place that I know." He led her into the kitchen where he had set up a dining table all laid out with cutlery and Chinese take-out ready to be eaten, a single red rose in a glass vase in the centre of the table.

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. "You did this all while I was upstairs?"

He nodded. "You were so upset, and I couldn't stand being the reason for that." He led her to the table and pulled out her chair for her to sit down and went to sit opposite her. He flashed her his 1000-killowatt smile and said, "Bon Appétit!"

Valkyrie smiled and began to dig into her food, Skulduggery of course not eating, and she smiled at him. "You didn't have to do all this, you know, I would have forgiven you eventually."

He shrugged and smiled. "I wanted to."

"Skulduggery, are you flaying footsie with me?"

"Do you want me to stop?"

Valkyrie looked down at her plate and smirked to herself. "No."

Once Valkyrie had finished her dinner and her glass of champagne, Skulduggery got up and walked round to her side. He held out a hand to her and when she took it her helped her to stand and guided her into the living room. He walked over to the stereo and put in a CD. Slow, classical music started playing.

Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie. "Care to dance?"

Valkyrie smiled at him. "I'd love to."

He took her hands in his and pulled her towards him, wrapping one arm around her waist and still holding her hand in his. Her free arm rested gently on his shoulder and they began to slow-dance around the room. Minutes later there was a soft popping sound behind them as Fletcher teleported into the room.

Valkyrie looked around and frowned slightly at him. "Fletcher, what are you doing here?"

Fletcher sighed. "Skulduggery's making me do this." He walked up to the both of them and looked at Skulduggery, clearly irritated. "Skulduggery, do you mind if I cut in?"

Valkyrie almost laughed out loud.

Skulduggery tilted his head at Fletcher and said, "Yes actually, Fletcher I do. Can't you see that we're on a date? How _rude_ of you!"

Fletcher's jaw fell open. "But... but you made me do this!"

Skulduggery shrugged and looked back at Valkyrie. "You can leave now, Fletcher, we're done with you."

Fletcher muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "bloody skeleton" and disappeared as quickly as he came.

Valkyrie laughed, shaking her head at Skulduggery. "You're terrible."

He grinned at her. "You love it. Come on; let's go outside, I have something to show you."

He led her to the back door. He told her to take off her slippers before she went outside and she did as she was told. He took her outside onto the back-porch and the moment she stepped outside, she instantly realised there was san under her bare feet. She laughed realising she Skulduggery had covered the wooden deck with sand, trying to imitate the feel of the beach. Skulduggery stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. They both looked up at the starry night.

"So," Skulduggery said after a while, "have I succeeded. Is this the charming date you wanted?"

She turned round and faced him, her hands sliding up his torso and linking around his neck. "Almost, but you've forgotten one teensy, weensy, little thing."

He grinned down at her. "Oh trust me, I haven't forgotten."

He cupped her face in his hands and bowed his head to her, tenderly pressing his lips to hers with soft determination. He pulled away and smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Best date _ever_." Valkyrie whispered and pulled him back down to kiss her.

**I hope you liked it! Pure Valduggery goodness!**

**Let me know about what you think of the new chapter idea :)**

**Much love!**

**xoxo**


	136. Valduggery: Fragile, Part 1

**Okay, so here is that story I was telling you all about. I have tried to treat the situation as gently and respectfully as possible and I know that when you read it, you all will too.**

**Enjoy.**

Skulduggery and Valkyrie finished up at the sanctuary for the day and made their way over to the Bentley, getting inside.

"Seatbelt." Skulduggery said, putting the car in gear, revving the engine.

Valkyrie nodded, and buckled herself in, and Skulduggery pulled off, cruising down the road.

"Are you hungry?" Skulduggery asked, glancing at her. "I can pull in at a McDonalds Drive through or something."

Valkyrie kept her gaze looking out through the window. "No thanks, I'm okay."

"Valkyrie, you haven't eaten all day."

She shrugged. "I'm not hungry."

His tone became concerned. "Are you okay? You're not coming down with anything are you? You're looking a little pale lately. Your face is a little gaunt."

Valkyrie looked at her reflection in the window. Skulduggery was right. Her face was pale and drawn, black rings under her unfocused eyes. Her long, dark hair hung lifelessly either side of her face, not showing any signs of its usual bounce.

She shrugged again. "I'll be fine."

"Will you eat something when you get home?" He asked. "If you're coming down with something you'll need to keep your strength up."

"Mum will have dinner waiting for me when I get in."

Skulduggery nodded, seeming happier. "Good. That's good. Will you text me later to let me know how you're feeling?"

"Yep." She said popping the P.

"Do you want me to drive you back to the sanctuary, get the doctors to check you out?"

"No thanks."

"I could always go back later and get you some medicine later on if you needed it."

"I'll be fine, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery glanced her way again. "Valkyrie, are you okay? You seem... distant."

"I'm okay." She sighed.

"Hey, what's the matter? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You can tell me, you know. You can tell me anything, I won't judge you."

She looked over at him and smiled. "I'm just tired."

He nodded. "You look exhausted."

"I just need a good night's sleep and I'll be fine."

"Well, you call me if you need anything, okay? Anything at all." He put a hand on her leg, just above her knee, and squeezed affectionately.

Valkyrie let out a short, sharp gasp and moved her leg from out of his grip.

Skulduggery looked at her. "Val?"

"It's nothing." She mumbled.

"I... Val, I didn't mean it like _that_. Just in a friendly way, that's all."

"I know that, it just... hurt."

"It _hurt_?"

She silently cursed herself. "Um, yeah, I rolled over in the night, must have banged my knee against the wall or something."

"Will it be okay?"

She nodded, looking out the window again. "Yeah, just a bruise."

Skulduggery pulled up near the pier. He looked over at her, tilting his skull to one side. "Are you going to be okay? You look... sad."

She smiled softly at him. "I'll be perfectly fine."

Skulduggery leaned forward to give her his usual hug before they parted ways, but she was already getting out of the Bentley. He sighed and sank back into his seat. He watched her walk up to her house and let herself in the front door before he drove off.

Valkyrie walked in the front door and headed straight for the stairs. Her mum looked over at her from where she and her dad were sitting in the living room with little Alice.

"Steph, honey?" Her mother called. "I saved you dinner if you want it."

"No thanks," Valkyrie called as she ran up the stairs, "I ate with my friends while I was out."

"Okay, love." Her mum's voice floated up to her.

Valkyrie ran into her bedroom and flopped onto her bed, curling up in a tight ball. Now that she was alone, the tears ran freely down her face. Her stomach growled and snarled angrily at her, twisting and coiling in knots, begging for her to eat something. She just cried harder against her sheets trying to ignore the pain, and lay there, trembling until she finally fell asleep.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Valkyrie woke up with a start. Her stomach woke her up, the pain gone from being merely just uncomfortable to _excruciating_. She sat up in bed and drew her knees into her chest, wrapping her arms around them and worried about what she should do next. Just try to ignore it and go back to sleep? Or would it be okay if she just ate something small? Just something very, very small...?

Her eyes widened, suddenly sickened by the thought of eating. What was she _thinking_? She couldn't give in! She couldn't quit! She was Valkyrie Cain for God's sake! She had fought monsters, villains, evil Gods; _surely_ she could handle an empty stomach?

But that still didn't take away the fact that she had _thought_ about eating something. And that kind of thought was unforgivable. It was _punishable._

She knew what she had to do.

She clambered out of bed and tip-toed silently out of her room and across the landing, going past her mum and dad's room, past her little sisters room. She headed straight for the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

She walked up to the medicine cabinet with the mirrored doors and just looked at herself. No wonder Skulduggery was so worried. She looked so... _ill_. Her face was white as snow, her lips a pale purplish-blue colour. Her eyes were rimmed with black, and sunken. Her hair was lifeless and flat, tucked behind her ears. She sighed. This was not how being beautiful was supposed to look. She wanted to be pretty, not _this_.

Tears made their way down her cheeks again and she angrily brushed them away. She opened the cabinet and reached for her razor. She didn't even stop to think about it, she slashed the razor hard and fast across her wrist and gritted her teeth against the scream that was desperate to break through her lips.

Pain burned through her wrist like it was fire licking up her arms. She reached out for some toilet roll and ripped of a huge load of it and pushed it to her wrist to stem the bleeding. It wasn't the kind of cut that would do any serious damage. It wouldn't put her in the hospital or anything, but it would certainly make her think twice before even _considering_ eating again.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Skulduggery had picked Valkyrie up the next morning and they drove down to the sanctuary to question a sorcerer they had brought in the previous day. They sat in Skulduggery's interviewing room, the sorcerer sitting on one side of the desk, Skulduggery on the other, and Valkyrie leaning against the far wall.

"Name?" Skulduggery asked.

"Fang SilverTooth." The man replied.

"Age?"

"One-hundred and seven." He muttered, even though he didn't look a day over thirty.

"Do you know why we brought you in here today, Fang?" Skulduggery pressed.

"Your little _bitch_ over there caught me."

"Watch your language please, Mr SilverTooth, and caught you doing _what_ exactly?"

Fang sighed. "Attacking a civilian."

And you think that's acceptable, do you?"

Fang shrugged.

"Why'd you do it?" Skulduggery asked.

Fang shrugged again.

"Do you regret what you did?"

Fang shrugged yet again.

Valkyrie sighed. "We're getting nowhere."

Fang SilverTongue glared at her. "Who the Hell are you? Some kind of side-kick?"

"I'm a Detective. I'm partners with Detective Pleasant, here. Problem?" Valkyrie hissed.

"What's wrong with you? You look ill. Don't come near me."

"Honey, I wouldn't come near you with a ten foot barge pole."

Fang stood up. "What did you say?"

Skulduggery stood up too. "Calm the Hell down, SilverTooth."

Valkyrie walked over to Skulduggery's side and put a hand on his shoulder. "Its okay, Skulduggery, he's just a weedy little man. Lock him up and throw away the key–"

Fang's fist came swinging into Valkyrie's face before either she or Skulduggery could react and for a long moment her world rocked. She stumbled back and her head made contact with the floor. She lay there, dizzy, stars dancing in front of her eyes, vaguely knowing that this was wrong. One punch wasn't enough to knock Valkyrie out. It wasn't even a particularly good punch, either – clumsy and half-hearted. But before she could even pursue the thought any longer, she blacked out.

Skulduggery yelled for the cleavers that came running into the interview room and hauled Fang SilverTooth away. Skulduggery ran over to Valkyrie and scooped her unconscious body up into his arms, alarmed at how light she felt. He cradled her against his chest like he had done so many times in the past and he couldn't help but notice how odd it felt – not like it usually was. She usually felt so snug in his arms, by now her bones were digging into his torso.

Turning on his heel, he ran to the Sanctuary infirmary, carrying the frighteningly petite girl in his arms.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When Valkyrie woke she quickly noted she was in a hospital bed in the Sanctuary infirmary, laying on top of the covers, like someone had gently laid her there to wait for her to wake up. She was also immediately away of the throbbing in her head where SilverTooth had punched her and she face-planted the floor.

She sat up and saw Skulduggery sitting on a chair in the corner of the room and she smiled faintly.

"Hey," She croaked, "thanks for bringing me here. That SilverTooth really, uh, packs a punch."

Skulduggery said nothing; he just sat there with his elbows propped up on his knees, his chin resting in his hands.

"Skulduggery?" Valkyrie tried again. "Say something?"

Nothing. He didn't say a word, nor did he move an inch – a sign that something was truly troubling him.

"Skulduggery," Valkyrie said, worried, "what's wrong?"

Finally, Skulduggery turned his head to look at her. "Valkyrie," his voice was low and strained, "we need to talk."

**I hope that didn't upset anyone too much.**

**If there is anyone out there who ever needs to talk to someone about this kind of thing, you know where I am.**

**Part 2 will be up soon.**

**xoxo**


	137. Valduggey: Fragile, Part 2

**Thank you to everyone for your mature and sensitive response to this topic. Much love to you all :)**

"Skulduggery…?" Valkyrie trailed off.

"I should have known." Skulduggery murmured to himself. "The pale face, the sunken eyes, the false smile. Why didn't I ever question why you wore such baggy clothes or why I never saw you eating anything around me? I thought it was just some self-conscious thing. A girl thing, I suppose. I thought it was probably some weird phase."

Valkyrie shifted uncomfortably from where she was seated on the bed. "Skulduggery… I…"

"I was just so wrapped up in my own world, so wrapped up in this case. I couldn't see what was happening right in front of me. Something _awful_ could have happened. But then again, that's me all over isn't it? I always let work get in the way of looking after the people I care about. I'm so _stupid_."

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie got off the bed, shakily and walked over to him. She sat on the arm of his chair and put a hand on his shoulder. "This isn't your fault. It's nobody's fault. I don't really know why you're getting so hung up on it. Fang only punched me. I'm fine, see? Look at me, I'm _fine_."

His head snapped round to look at her. "Valkyrie, you _know_ that's not what we are talking about here."

Valkyrie tried to look innocent. "What else is there that we could possibly be talking about?"

Skulduggery reached out and roughly grabbed her wrist. "Look!" he hissed. "I can fit your wrist between my _thumb and little finger_!"

"So what? I've been on a diet?"

"A diet of what?" Skulduggery's grip tightened. "_Air?"_

Valkyrie gasped. "Ow! Skulduggery you're hurting me!"

He let go of her immediately. "That shouldn't hurt you." He muttered. "Don't you get this? You're weak! You're _ill_! You're making yourself _ill!"_

"I don't know what you're talking about!" She snapped.

Skulduggery jumped up and grabbed onto her waist, a lot harsher than he had intended, and squeezed onto her. "Look! I can practically fit both my hands around your waist! You still want to deny that anything's going on?"

She scratched at his gloved hands. "Skulduggery, let go!"

He yanked up her t-shirt, revealing her ribs jutting out at sickening angles. He sucked in a gulp of air and tried to steady himself, his other hand on her waist tightening. It was only when he heard Valkyrie whimper under his grip did he let go, reeling away. He stumbled backwards, leaning against the far wall just looking at her with his big empty eye sockets.

Valkyrie tugged her shirt back down and hugged her arms around her torso. "Please don't do that again." Her voice barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry."

"That's okay."

"I don't know what to say to you." Skulduggery said quietly.

"I wouldn't know how to answer you anyway."

And then Skulduggery did something Valkyrie had never seen him do. He hunched his shoulders forwards, covered his face with his hands and slid down the wall, sinking to the floor. He Sat there, slumped on the ground and didn't move.

Valkyrie took a step closer to him. "Skulduggery?"

"I hate this, Val." His voice muffled by his hands. He began to shake. "You have no idea how much I hate this."

"Please, Skulduggery. Please stop."

He suddenly stood up, fast as a bolt of lightning, and strode past Valkyrie to the other side of the room. He swung a fist and brutally punched the wall. He did it again, and again, making his knuckles crack, repeating the same words _"I hate this"._

Valkyrie ran to him and threw her arms around him from behind. "Skulduggery stop!"

"I HATE THIS!"

She embraced him close, cuddling him from behind, in an effort to sooth him. "Please stop. Talk to me. Please, Skulduggery, I'm begging you!"

He started to shake again, but this time it wasn't from anger. Now, in her arms, he felt just as fragile as she was.

"Why, Val?" Was all he could manage to choke out.

Valkyrie turned him so he was facing her and buried her face into his chest as he tearlessly sobbed into her hair. He clutched her close to him, careful not to hurt her.

Valkyrie started to cry too, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt you! I'm so sorry, Skulduggery! Please believe me!"

He pulled away so he could look at her, cupping her gaunt face in his bony hands. "What do you have to possibly be sorry about? I'm the one who should be apologising. How could I not see how upset you've been?"

"I always tried to make myself seem happy for your sake. You've already got so much weight on your shoulders. I didn't want to burden you with something else."

He brushed away her tears with his thumbs. "I will always be here for you, Valkyrie. Please don't ever neglect that." He pulled her back into an embrace, scooping her up into his arms and carried her over to the hospital bed, setting her down on it gently, sitting beside her. "Talk to me." He said softly, sweeping her hair away from her face. "I'll always listen."

"I just…" Valkyrie sighed. "I'm stupid. I was jealous."

"Jealous? Of who?"

"Of everyone. Tanith. Melancholia. Eliza. China. Mostly China I suppose. They were all so beautiful. Beautiful and… thin."

"But ,Valkyrie, you _are_ beautiful. Beautiful, tall, slender, elegant, strong, intelligent, kind, funny. You're _everything_."

"But I wasn't enough."

He tilted his head to one side. "I don't follow."

"I saw the way she looked at you. China Sorrows. Always so perfect. She wanted you, and I knew that she would have had you eventually if you never found out what she did to your family. She was like a siren. A beautiful, thin, perfect siren. And I was jealous. Jealous of the hold she had over you. There was some connection between you two, and I know it sounds awful of me to say, but I hated it. You looked at her and you saw something. Beauty, love, lust, I don't know – but you always looked at her that way. I wish you looked at _me_ like that. I don't know. It just seemed that now she was gone… maybe _I_ could be the new person in your life who you looked at like that. I wanted to be your siren. Your beautiful, thin, perfect siren." She broke down. "I'm so sorry. I'm a horrible person. I hate myself. I hate who I've become."

Skulduggery was holding her in his arms instantly, sitting her in his lap, rocking her against his chest. He buried his face in her hair again and soothed her.

"Oh, Val…" he sighed. "Please don't feel like that. You're a wonderful person. I wouldn't have you any other way. I love you just as you are, don't you get that?"

"Not in the same way that _I_ love _you_."

He pulled away so he could look at her, his hand cradling her face. "In _exactly_ the same way that you love me. Yes, I may have had a thing with China but that was a long time ago. I was young and foolish, and I hadn't even met the love of my life yet. But it was probably the worst mistake of my life. It was a cold, meaningless, loveless relationship, driven more by physical desires than anything romantic or even remotely emotionally significant. And then I met my wife and I fell in love for the first time. China never even came close, and she still doesn't. I look at her the way I do now because, as much as I hate her, I admire her for something. She taught me how to _not_ be in love, so that when I really fell in love with my wife... it was so surreal. She made my love for my wife perfect because of her coldness. And it's the same coldness that I see in her now that helps me to understand the love I feel when I'm around you. I love you, Val. Darling, I love you."

But that just made Valkyrie cry even harder. "Don't! Don't say that! Don't say things you can't ever mean!"

Skulduggery paused. "What? Of course I mean it! I _love_ you!"

Valkyrie was becoming hysterical. "No you don't! I'm stupid, and worthless, and fat, and ugly!"

He clutched her closer to him and cradled her softly. "Shh, Valkyrie, Shh, don't get yourself all worked up. I need you to be calm, and listen to me, okay? Please, Val, don't cry."

Valkyrie sucked in a few deep breaths and tried to calm herself. Her cheek was starting to hurt where Fang had hit her. She realised she was trembling and she tried to stop herself for Skulduggery's sake.

"Calm?" He asked her.

She nodded.

"Good." He ran a hand through her long, dark hair. "Now, you listen to me, Miss Cain. I love you. Do you understand me? I love you. You are the most beautiful, kind, funny, intelligent, brave, passionate person I have ever had the honour to know."

He slipped his fingers under his collar and activated his facade, a handsome face with tousled bronze hair and brown-gold flecked eyes appeared, accompanied by pale, smooth skin. He had an inkling of stubble around his jaw line.

"I love you." He closed his eyes and whispered, leaning in and shyly grazing his lips across hers. "I love you." He tentatively pressed his lips to hers, expecting her to pull away, his kiss deepening when she didn't. When he finally pulled away, there were tears in his beautiful eyes. "I love you so much, Valkyrie; and I promise, will spend the rest of my life making you feel as beautiful as you really are. _I love you_."

"I love you too." She whispered and leaned in to kiss him again. "Stay with me? Always?"

He kissed her again. "Always."

**Something cutesy next, probably - need some fluffy Valduggery goodness methinks!**

**Oh, also, I've update my blog :) Check me out!**

**xoxo**


	138. Valduggery: Drunk

**All that I'm going to say that this is based on true events...**

Skulduggery paced the floor, every few minutes checking his watch. Where was she? She said she'd be home by twelve. It was now half past three in the morning! He was at a serious risk of wearing through his plush cream carpet at this rate, meeting the floorboards underneath.

For the love of God, where _was_ she?

He heard someone giggle from the other side of the front door, and the sound of a car pulling away, and he was there like lightening. He wrenched open the door to see a very plastered Valkyrie leaning against the door frame, an insanely huge grin on her face.

Behind her, a taxi was pulling out of the drive. She turned and waved at him, over-exaggeratedly.

"Farewell, Roberto!" She called.

Skulduggery tilted his head at her. "Roberto?"

"My taxi driver's name." She slurred. "Roberto. Nice name. Robe_rrrrrrr_to. R_oooooooo_berto. Rob_eeeeeee_rto."

Skulduggery tried not to laugh. "You're drunk."

Valkyrie held up a hand to his face and indicated a small amount between her thumb and fingers. "Little bit."

"Come on." He sighed, putting an arm around her waist. "Come inside. We better get some coffee in you."

He led her inside, closing the door behind her, and helped her to the kitchen. He propped her up on the counter and proceeded to make her coffee.

"So, how much have you had to drink?" He asked her.

She shrugged, wobbling as she did so. "I dunno. A few rounds of shots, some beer, some spirits. And some nice gentleman bought me a cocktail." She suddenly put her hands over her mouth, giggling again.

Skulduggery looked at her. "What's so funny?"

"Cocktail." She sniggered. "_Cock_. Tail." She burst out laughing again.

This time, Skulduggery _had_ to laugh. He handed her a mug of coffee. "Drink." He encouraged. "Sober."

She took the mug and took a small tip. "Thanks, Skully."

"So," he began, leaning against the counter next to her. "Who was this lovely gentleman who was plying you with alcohol?"

"Dunno." Valkyrie said, reaching for her clutch-bag and digging her mobile out. She handed it to Skulduggery. "What did I save him as?"

Skulduggery took the phone from her and looked through her most recent updates. He found the last added contact and laughed.

Valkyrie pouted. "Wotcha laughing at?"

"Valkyrie," he laughed, "you've saved him as: 'that guy at the bar'."

She nodded. "Oh yeah! Now I remember! Aw, that guy at the bar, he was really nice!"

"Are you going to call him?"

"Doubt it. He was married."

"Okay then, riddle me this. Why do you have his number?"

She grinned at him. "Because the guys just _loooooove_ me!"

Skulduggery threw back his head and laughed. "Oh, God, Val. What am I going to do with you?"

"Hmm, now _that_ takes me back…"

He laughed again. "Finished your coffee? Good, come on; let's get you to the sofa."

Valkyrie held out her arms to him. "Carry me?"

He chuckled under his breath and stepped towards her. He scooped her up into his arms and lifted her off the counter.

"Giddy-up!" She ordered with a giggle. "Hail Shiba!"

"Quiet, Miss." He carried her out to living room and set her down onto the sofa.

She patted the seat next to, indicating she wanted him to sit beside her. He did as he was silently told, and she put a couch cushion onto his lap, and rested her head onto it, looking up at him.

"Hello." She smiled.

"Hello, Valkyrie."

"I'm very drunk."

"Yes, dear, I know."

"You'll never guess what I saw when I left the club tonight."

He laughed and swept her hair off her face. "I don't know. What did you see?"

"Some naked guy was shimmying up a lamp post."

He laughed. "You're kidding me, right?"

"Nope. He kind of resembled a naked mole-rat."

"You were looking at him long enough to decipher that, were you?"

She shrugged. "It's not every day you see a giant naked mole-rat climbing up a lamp post, now is it?"

He wished he could smile. "No I suppose not. What else happened tonight?"

She shrugged. "Me no know. I barely remember anything that happened before the whole mole-rat incident."

He laughed and continued to gently run his fingers through her hair. "Fair enough. How are you feeling now?"

She frowned, pondering her answer to this one. "Fluffy." She finally answered.

"Fluffy?"

"Yes." She nodded. "I am feeling decidedly fluffy."

"Is that code for still drunk?"

She shook her head and covered where his mouth should be with her hand. "Nope! No, I am not drunk! I am just… selectively sober."

He laughed again and helped her sit up. "Come on, princess, I think we should get you upstairs."

She mock-gasped. "Skulduggery Pleasant! No you can _not_ go to my _room_ with me!"

"You know what I mean. Come on."

She grinned and jumped up off the sofa. "Only if you can catch me first!"

She went to run and tripped, Skulduggery catching her before she fell. He turned her around to face him, his hands resting firmly on her hips so she wouldn't fall again.

"Nice try." His tone sounded vaguely amused.

"Whoopsie-daises." She giggled. "I fell down."

"You _almost_ fell down. I saved you."

She put on a Southern-bell accent. "My _hero_!"

He scooped her up in his arms once again. "Come on."

He carried her upstairs, all the while, Valkyrie singing _'Hakuna Matata'_ at the top of her voice.

He nudged open her bedroom door and carried her inside, gently laying her down on her bed. He pulled off her high-heels for her and set them aside by her wardrobe.

When he turned around, Valkyrie was wriggling her way out of her dress and trying to pull her pyjamas on. She was trying, unsuccessfully, to pull her top over her head but it had gotten stuck somehow.

He laughed at her. "Need some help?"

"Yes please." She said, her voice muffled by the shirt.

He shook his head, trying not to laugh and helped her to pull the shirt over her head. He handed her the matching shorts a she slipped them on. She shuffled back and sat cross-legged on the double bed.

Suddenly she threw her hands up into the air, wiggling her fingers around. "Skulduggery! Guess! What am I?"

He sighed fondly. "I don't know, Val. What are you?"

"I'm a tree swaying in the breeze!" She grinned at him. "See? See my fingers? They're the leaves, see? In the breeze! Do you get it?"

He burst out laughing and sat down beside her, pulling her hands back down to her sides. "Yes, I get it. Very funny."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled into his side. "You're my best friend, Skul. You know that, don't you? You're my bestest, _bestest_, friend, _ever_!"

He wrapped his arms around her, returning her embrace. "Yes, I know."

"Are you my best friend too?"

"Of course I am."

"We're going to be together forever, right?"

"Always."

She smiled and sighed contentedly. "Good. I'm tired. Tuck me in?"

"Of course."

He scooped her up with one arm, pulled back the covers with the other, and then set her back down again. She lay down, snuggling into her sheets as Skulduggery pulled her duvet up to her chin.

He gently brushed her cheek with his hand. "Get some rest."

He went to stand up and leave but she grabbed onto his hand and pulled him back. "Don't go! Keep me company? Please?"

Skulduggery would have been smiling if he could. He kicked off his shoes, shrugged out of his jacket, and set his hat and tie aside. He lifted up the covers and climbed into bed with her. She was instantly snuggling into his chest, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

Valkyrie closed her eyes and sighed, happily. "I like this. I should come home drunk to you more often."

Skulduggery kissed her hair with his teeth, burying his face against her dark locks. "Yeah." He whispered. "Maybe you should."

**I hope you all liked it!**

**SOOOO! I have a new Skulduggery story out! It's called: "What An Odd Pair!" Basically, what I'm doing is taking requests from you all. Any two Skulduggery characters that you want me to put together, whether it's just for a laugh, or whether it's your secret OTP, I will do it. Of course, I wont be doing anything overly-weird, for example, Nye and Valkyrie (ewewewewewewewwwww!), but other than that, bring it on. This is just designed to be a bit pf fun, a bit of a laugh to keep you going until the next SP book comes out. It's not desinged to be serious or anything, so just sit back and relax! Bring me your weirdest and most wonderful pairings!**

**xoxo**


	139. Valduggery: Fixing You

**I'm not sure whether or not to do a sequel to this? Opinions needed, My Little Sparrows :)**

**Enjoy!**

Valkyrie helped Skulduggery to sit down on the bed, careful not to hurt him.

"Ow!" He gasped. "Okay – _ow!"_

"Sorry! Sorry!" Valkyrie apologised. She wrapped both arms around his torso and helped him to lie down. "I'm trying to be as gentle as I can! I'm sorry!"

"It's okay." He said through gritted teeth. "It doesn't even hurt that much. Honest."

"You're a terrible liar."

"Not usually."

"Except from when it comes to me." She bit her lip nervously, sitting on the bed beside him, unsure of what to do. "We should have taken you to see Nye. He can fix anything. I know you hate him, but–"

"No, Valkyrie." He said, firmly. "Never. Not after what he did to you. I can't..." His voice cracked but he quickly recovered. "I can't face him, Val."

"Hey, hey, hey." She soothed him. "It's okay, alright? It's okay."

He nodded. "Sure. Okay."

"Right then." Said Valkyrie, putting on the bravest face possible. "Let's take a look at this then shall we?"

She reached for his shirt buttons but his hands closed around hers. "No." He said firmly.

"What?" She frowned. "Why not?"

"Because."

"Because, _what_?"

"Because..." He sighed. "Okay I don't want you to see me. You know, what I really look like. It's embarrassing."

"Skulduggery... you're a _skeleton_."

"Exactly."

"Well... it's not like I'm seeing you naked or anything is it?"

He sighed. "You're not getting it. I am _ashamed_ of my body now. I'm barely an empty shell encased in my conscience. I'm not what you would call a 'great specimen'."

She blinked hard. She wasn't used to this side of Skulduggery. The side that firstly, needed being taken care of, and secondly, was expressing his emotions. He was usually so closed off when it came to this kind of thing.

"Valkyrie." Skulduggery mumbled. "Say something, please. I'm starting to feel stupid."

She snapped out of her trance. "Skulduggery," she said, softly, putting her hands either side of his skull. "You are my best friend. I love you. I don't care if you were a vampire, a zombie or a _smurf_. You are the most important person in the world to me. That's never going to change, okay?"

"Okay." He said, quietly.

She slipped her hands back down to his shirt buttons and unbuttoned them. She pulled open his shirt and winced at what she saw. Five of his ribs had splintered and caved in on themselves, three on the left side, two on the right, and there was a huge crack down the middle of his sternum.

Skulduggery saw her expression and asked. "It's that bad?"

Tears caught in her eyes. "Skulduggery... I'm so sorry."

He caught both her hands in his and squeezed them reassuringly. "This is not your fault. Darquesse did this to me. Not you."

Her tears started to fall faster. "Skulduggery, we can keep on pretending that me and Darquesse are different people, but we're not. I did this to you. It was me. Everyone gets hurt and it's all because of me. Everything's because of _me._"

"Valkyrie, please don't cry." Skulduggery pleaded with her. "Please don't get upset. I don't blame you. Accidents happen. This isn't your fault. If it makes you feel better, we'll call a doctor round."

Valkyrie looked up from her lap at him. "Really?"

"Really. Just not Nye, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded and dug her phone out of her pocket. "Okay, I can do that."

She punched in the Sanctuary Infirmary number and waited for someone to answer. She talked with the person on the other end of the line, discussing Skulduggery's situation, asking for a doctor to come by, _stressing_ that it was anyone but Doctor Nye. She hung up with a triumphant smile.

"They're sending someone over?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yep. New guy. Apparently he's really good, and he's not a psycho, or a weirdo, or anything!"

"Oh, _good_." He laughed.

She looked back at his smashed-in torso. "Skulduggery... that must be so painful."

He tried to shrug. I've been in worse scrapes. I can't think of any right now, but..."

"Stop quoting Disney. Is there anything I can do for you until the doctor gets here?"

"Just stay with me."

She lay down next to him and snuggled her head against his shoulder. "Always."

He took her hand in his and slowly their fingers laced together. "This is nice." He murmured. "You should try to kill me more often."

She laughed, softly. "I'll try."

**I hope you all liked it!**

**Anyone want a part 2? :)**

**xoxo**


	140. Valduggery: Fixing You Part 2

**Due to popular demand, here you are: Part 2 **

**And Tom, this is for you, like you asked. I bigged you up for your ego. I don't really think there is a whole universe in your eyes, or whatever it is I said lol, you daft bugger!**

**Enjoy!**

The doorbell rang and Valkyrie practically leapt of the bed. She ran from the room, across the landing and down the stairs. She wrenched the front door open.

And her jaw dropped.

The tall, young, stranger looked down at her. He had sharp, clean-cut features, with a strong jaw line and devastatingly high cheekbones. His eyes were dark as a midnight sky, and they seemed to sparkle like they really did hold all the stars in the universe in them. His hair – Valkyrie couldn't help but notice – seemed smooth and sleek. It fell low, perfectly, over his forehead, nearly concealing his eyes from her. His lips had a soft curve to them.

"Hello!" He said brightly, smiling, holding out a hand to her. "I'm Doctor Thomas Webb."

Valkyrie blinked rapidly and shook his hand. "You... you're a doctor?"

"I am indeed. Are you the lady who called me? Miss Cain?"

She nodded. "Yeah, that's me. Call me Valkyrie, though, please."

He grinned at her. "Only if you'll call me Tom."

She smiled back, involuntarily giggling. "Sure, it's a deal."

"So!" Tom clapped his hands together. "Where's the patient?"

"I'll show you to him." She led him up the stairs to Skulduggery's room. "But, I'm going to warn you... he's... he's... okay, look, he's not your average patient."

Tom laughed. "Oh yes, I've seen some fairly odd patients in my time."

"Yeah, well, Skulduggery is... he's one of a kind." She stopped at his bedroom door and turned round to face him, startled again by his stunning features. "Just... just don't freak out, okay? He'd never admit it to _anyone_, but he's actually really self-conscious about his body."

Tom smiled kindly at her. "I promise I won't freak out. By the way that's the first time I've ever said that phrase whilst working."

She laughed. "Well in that case, come on in."

She opened the door and led Tom inside. "Hey, Skul. The Doctor's here."

Tom stepped inside and upon seeing Skulduggery he hesitated for only a moment. "Hello!" He greeted Skulduggery as warmly as he had Valkyrie. "I'm Doctor Thomas Webb, but please, call me Tom."

Skulduggery turned his head to look at Tom. "Thanks for coming out."

Tom walked over to the bed, Valkyrie following him. He sat down on the edge of the bed, beside Skulduggery, and Valkyrie took residence on the other side, clutching onto Skulduggery's hand.

"It's my job." Tom smiled. He saw Skulduggery's caved-in ribs. "My, my, my, what happened here?"

"I got into a fight." Skulduggery murmured. "I'm sure you've heard of Darquesse? Yes, well, she turned up out of the blue again, and – as the kids would say – she kicked my ass."

"She sounds like a nasty piece of work." Tom said, nodding his head in understanding with Skulduggery.

Valkyrie just looked away, out of the window.

"How did it happen exactly?" Tom asked.

Skulduggery tried to shrug. "She just appeared out of nowhere and started beating the shit out of me – more or less for the fun of it. I think she was bored. She hasn't been around for a while, so I think she gets restless when she is holed up somewhere."

"She showed no mercy?"

"Not even when I was screaming and begging on the floor."

"How did you escape?"

"Valkyrie showed up and saved the day."

Valkyrie's breath hitched in her throat and she cursed herself. A single tear rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away, angrily.

"Val." Skulduggery said, softly. "It's not your fault. You came back, you saved me."

She nodded, still looking away.

Tom reached over and squeezed her shoulder, reassuringly. "It's okay, Valkyrie. I'll fix him."

She nodded again and stood up. "I have to be alone for a while."

"Val..." Skulduggery pleaded, clinging tighter onto her hand. "Stay, please."

"I'll be back in a minute." She pulled out of his grip and left the room.

"Is she going to be okay?" Tom asked.

Skulduggery sighed. "She feels guilty."

"Why? She saved you."

"She just..." He sighed again. "She wishes she got there sooner."

He looked away from the door, back at Skulduggery. "Of course. That's natural. Okay now, let's get you mended, shall we?"

Skulduggery nodded. "Mend away."

"Now, I'm going to warn you, magically re-attaching bones is... well it's not easy."

"You're saying it's going to hurt?"

"Unfortunately yes." Tom's expression contorted to something almost of guilt. "I'm really very sorry."

Skulduggery laughed. "Don't look so guilty. It's your job."

"I wish I could give you some anaesthetic so you would feel it, but..."

"Needles don't penetrate bone, I know, its fine. Just do what you have to, I'll try and keep the screaming to a minimum."

Tom smiled. "Thank you. I'm going to have to crack your bones back into place, and then I have a special healing balm that will fix them there. Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Tom tentatively touched the first of Skulduggery's ribs and Skulduggery let out a small gasp.

"Sorry." Tom apologised. "Does this hurt?"

"My skeletal frame is very... sensitive."

"Then I'll apologise for having to do this again. Are you ready?"

"Go for it."

Tom snapped Skulduggery's first broken rib back into place. Skulduggery was expecting the agonising pain, but what no one was expecting was the ear-splitting shriek that hissed through his teeth.

"I'm so sorry!" Tom look horrified with himself.

Valkyrie burst into the room. "What's going on?"

"I have to snap his broken ribs back onto place. The experience is not particularly nice."

She ran to Skulduggery's side where he was flinching and writing in anguish. She gripped onto his hand, her other hand gently stroking his cheekbone.

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie soothed while Tom fixed the rib in place with the healing balm. "Skulduggery, calm down. It's me, Valkyrie. I'm here. Look at me, Skulduggery." She turned his skull so he had to look at her. "Relax, okay? I'm here with you."

"It hurts, Val." He moaned, weakly.

"I know, I know."

"Make it stop, Val. Val, baby, please? Make it stop?"

She looked at Tom. "Is it meant to hurt him this much? It's just... I mean, come on, he's _begging_. Skulduggery doesn't do that. Ever."

"I can't give him any painkillers because... well for obvious reasons, so yeah, I expect so. But in the long run, when it's all fixed, it will be better for him."

She sighed. "Then carry on."

"No..." Skulduggery complained, trailing off.

Tom snapped the second bone with a sickening _snap_. Skulduggery screamed, his whole body jolting and shuddering. Valkyrie clutched Skulduggery closer to her, bowing her head to whisper comforts to him where his ear should have been.

"Shh, its okay, it's okay." She tried to pacify him.

"Why are you letting him do this to me?" He whispered.

"We want to fix you."

"It feels like you're killing me."

"Just three more, Skul. Do you hear me, baby, three more?"

He simply just groaned, painfully.

_Snap_. Skulduggery screamed again, reaching new pitches this time. Valkyrie's eyes burned with the tears she was holding back.

"Please." Skulduggery whimpered. "No more. Leave me like this. This is torture. You are _torturing_ me."

"Just a little more and it will all be over." She promised him.

_Snap._ _Scream. Begging. Soothing words._

Skulduggery let out choked sob. "Stop." He begged. "For the love of God, just _stop_."

Valkyrie bit back her own tears. "Just one more."

"I thought we were friends, Val. I thought you cared about me. I thought you..." He fought down another sob. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Just. One. More."

With the nod from Valkyrie, Tom snapped the last rib into place, quickly fixing it there with the healing balm.

Skulduggery screamed for the last time, his cry becoming strangled as he broke down into tearless sobs. Valkyrie clutched him to her, cradling him in her arms. She looked up at Doctor Thomas Webb and saw him looking at them both, sympathetically.

"Thank you for coming out." She said, softly.

"It's what I do. I'm sorry I had to be the cause of so much pain to him."

"Like you said, in the long run, it'll be worth it."

Tom handed Valkyrie the healing balm. "For his cracked sternum. Just smooth some onto the affected area and it will heal itself. I'll leave you to do this. I doubt that after today he'll ever want to see me again."

"He appreciates everything you've done for him."

"Like buggery do I." Skulduggery grumbled.

Tom and Valkyrie laughed. Tom reached out and squeezed her arm. "I should get going."

"Of course." She nodded.

"Normally, I wouldn't leave a girl as pretty as you without slipping you my phone number... but I can see you're already taken."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Taken?"

He nodded at Skulduggery, subtly. "So it would seem." A beat passed before he spoke again. "Don't be afraid to call me if you ever need my help again. It was lovely meeting you both. I'll see myself out." He nodded, smiling kindly, before leaving them.

Skulduggery looked up at Valkyrie. He went to say something, but she put a finger to where his lips should have been.

"Not a word." She ordered, gently. "Save your strength. Meditate."

Without even trying to argue with her, Skulduggery slipped into a blissful state of absolute calm.

**Who wants a part three to see what Valduggery cuteness happens when he wakes up?**

**Let me know :)**

**xoxo**


	141. Valduggery: Fixing You Part 3

**As you all demanded (yes, _demanded_), here is part three :)**

**Enjoy!**

Skulduggery woke with a start, as if he were jolting out of a horrible dream, but Valkyrie was there, holding his shoulders down against her. He realised he was lying on his bed, is head lying on her lap, his shirt unbuttoned, showing his ribcage. Suddenly, all the memories of before he had drifted off came flooding back to him: all the pain, the screaming, and the begging. If he could still wince he would have. Remembering such events was not particularly pleasant.

"Shh." Valkyrie was soothing him. "It's okay. Don't move too much, you're not all fixed up just yet."

Skulduggery looked down at his exposed torso, seeing all his newly fixed ribs. He suddenly saw the huge crack going down his sternum and he nodded. "Ah, right."

"Doctor Webb left me some healing cream to do that for you myself."

"He didn't want to do it himself?"

"He felt too bad about causing you so much pain already to stick around for much longer."

He nodded again. "It _was_ pretty painful."

She shifted from underneath him, sliding out and propping his head up with a couple of pillows instead – very careful not to hurt him. She sat on the bed beside him and picked up the cream from the bedside table. "Want me to do it now?"

"There's no time like the present."

She smiled at him and unscrewed the lid. She dipped three fingers inside the little pot and scooped some of the cream out. She went to put her fingertips to Skulduggery's sternum but paused. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"It's just my breast-bone, it shouldn't hurt too much."

She nodded and tentatively pressed her fingers against the cool bone. Skulduggery hissed in pain but urged her to continue.

"I'm sorry." She sighed as she massaged the cream along the crack in the bone. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not." He said gently. "You've been the only source of comfort to me throughout this entire ordeal."

"You're my best friend. I'd do anything for you."

"No, Val, I mean it. I know I don't say it nearly as often as I should, but I really do appreciate everything you do for me."

She smiled. "You'd do the same for me."

He tilted his head at her. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well it's a good thing I'm not planning on leaving you any time soon then."

Skulduggery paused for a few moments. "Val?"

Her eyes met his almost-impossible-to-find gaze. "Yes, Skulduggery?"

"Do you believe what Kenspeckle said about me all those years ago? About me not having a heart anymore? I mean, I know I don't _physicall_y have one anymore, but... _emotionally_..." He trailed off.

She looked at him with a mixture of curiousness and soft kindness. "Skulduggery, you are one of the nicest, bravest most decent and honourable people I have ever met."

"But my past–"

"I don't care." She interrupted. "That's behind you. Leave it there. What matters is who you are now, and to me you are one of the most amazing people in my life. Just as you are. You don't need a beating heart to impress me, Skulduggery, you do that just fine anyway without even trying."

He closed his hand over hers where it was resting against his sternum. "If I still had a heart, this is where it would be. Right here. Sometimes I like to imagine it's still there... just not visible anymore. But if it were still really there... you have no idea how fast it would be beating right now." He reached up with his other hand and brushed his gloved thumb across her cheekbone. "How can you do this to me, Val? Make a non-existent heart beat? Give me butterflies in my non-existent stomach? How can you make my nerve endings tingle without even having skin-to-skin contact?" He sighed sadly. "It will always be a mystery to me."

Valkyrie stared at him. "I... Skulduggery, I have no idea what to say."

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I was just trying to be honest with you. I know I'm always really closed off around you when it comes to this kind of thing, and I know it irritates you, and I'm sorry. I just..." He sighed again. "I just have to say it once, Valkyrie, and you just have to hear it." He paused. "I am so in love with you. It's okay if you don't feel the same–"

She cut him off by bringing her lips to meet his teeth. It felt odd, there was no doubt about it, but it felt sweet too, like it was always meant to be this way. She pulled away and looked at him. "Of course I feel the same. How could you _possibly_ be unsure of that?"

"I guess I never thought I'd never be lucky enough to have anyone fall in love with me being a skeleton."

She smiled. "You should know me better than that."

"I know you well enough" He put a finger underneath her chin and pulled her pack down to him. "Now... where were we?"

"I think I know." She laughed. Before kissing him again.

**Aww, happy ending!**

**Hope you all liked it!**

**xoxo**


	142. Valduggery: Dancing

**Just a silly little Valduggery update for you :)**

**Enjoy!**

"It's slow, slow, quick, quick, slow."

"That's what I did!"

"No, you just did slow."

"Is there even a difference?"

Skulduggery sighed. "There is a _world_ of difference, Valkyrie."

She groaned and pushed him away. "Okay, forget it. I give up."

"You can't give up. You have to learn."

She rolled her eyes at him. "No I don't. It's not my fault they only play waltz's and foxtrot's at these stupid Balls. I only know how to club dance and that's it. The closest thing I can even do to this kind of dancing is the locomotion – and even that's a long shot!"

Skulduggery tilted his head at her. "The locomotion is _nothing_ like ballroom dancing."

She threw her arms up in exasperation and let them fall heavily back to her sides. "Exactly!"

They had been at it for hours. Gordon's mansion – that was now Valkyrie's – had a huge ballroom in it for when Valkyrie was required to host parties and dances that she didn't want to. All morning they had been in there, Skulduggery trying to teach her some of the basic ballroom dances, but she just couldn't get the hang of it.

She was wearing dance hot-pants and a little tank top. Skulduggery had insisted she put on some high-heels to practice in and she had grudgingly obliged. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. At least she _looked_ like a dancer, if at the very least.

Skulduggery straightened his tie and took his hat off, setting it down on a chair. He was wearing a dark blue pin-striped suit, and he looked as handsome as ever.

"Look." She sighed. "You're a good ballroom dancer. That's great – it's grand. My extensive knowledge of great dances ends at the time warp. So either we need to pick some more modern music, or we need to start pulling out some Rocky Horror moves."

"You'll get it eventually." He said, encouragingly.

She looked at him. "The dance is tonight."

"I agree we may have left it a little late."

"Can I just not go?"

"No."

She pouted. "Why not?"

"Because, darling, you're my date. Now man up and get your pretty self over here to foxtrot with me."

Valkyrie sighed and walked over to him. Skulduggery put on some music, an upbeat jazz-number started playing and he pulled her into his arms. Their cue came and they started to dance around the room. It went well for the first ten seconds or so before Valkyrie tripped over her own feet. She growled angry at herself and pulled away from Skulduggery who was laughing.

"Don't laugh at me!" She snapped, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"What? I'm not!" He tried to stifle his laughter.

"Yes you are!"

"Okay, you're right, I am and I'm very sorry."

"I'm going to go have a shower and sulk."

She went to leave but he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. He cupped her face in his hands and bowed his head to hers. If he had a nose, they'd be Eskimo kissing they were so close.

"Focus." He murmured.

Valkyrie's breath came out suddenly very shallow. "I am."

"Not enough, you're not." He put his hand on her lower back and pulled her closer to him. He activated his all-over-façade. He had a classically handsome face with dark tousled hair and ice-blue eyes. "Look right into my eyes and don't you dare look away."

She just managed a small nod. They waited for their cue on the eighth bar and they began to dance again. Valkyrie went to look down at her feet but Skulduggery cleared his throat at her.

"Don't look away from my eyes. Don't think about anything. Just let me lead you."

They spun and twirled around the room, Skulduggery lifting and dipping her. She realised she was actually having fun. She actually felt elegant and graceful – which was a big step up for her! The music ended and Skulduggery dipped her low. He pulled her back up to him slowly in a wide arch and pulled her against him. This time their noses were touching. Both were panting with exhaustion.

"I said you could do it." He murmured, not looking away from her eyes.

"You're a good teacher."

When she spoke her breath rolled over his temporary face and he couldn't help the shiver that ran through him. They hesitated there, their lips only inches apart.

"Valkyrie…" he began.

There was a soft popping noise and Fletcher appeared wearing party sunglasses, holding a six-pack of beer. Skulduggery and Valkyrie pulled apart instantly.

"Hey party people!" Fletcher grinned at them both. "What time does the party start?"

Skulduggery sighed and ignored him. He looked at Valkyrie. "I'll see you tonight. Save the last dance for me." With that he left.

Valkyrie looked at Fletcher, irritated. "Gee, thanks, Fletcher."

**I'll update with a better story soon - promise!**

**xoxo**


	143. Valduggery: Val's First Concert

**My dear Little Sparrows, thank you for your patience with my chapter updates! I am currently directing a show for my stage school, and that is kind of consuming my every thought and occupying all my time - but her, finally, is an update :)**

**Enjoy the story!**

**P.S. I kind of had Starkid on the brain - sorry if you don't know who they are!**

"Exactly what concert is this?" Skulduggery asked, watching Valkyrie practically mob the concession stand.

"A Starkid concert." Valkyrie replied, not looking back, snatching up t-shirts, badges, bags, and anything else she could afford to pay for.

"I've never heard of this group, who are they?"

"It's hard to explain. They're like this amazing drama production company who put on these hysterical musicals and put them online, and they've all become mega famous through it."

Skulduggery frowned. Today's façade had dark blonde scruffy hair and sea-blue eyes and the perplexed expression looked out of place on it. "So, if they're a drama company, where does the concert come into it?"

Valkyrie looked aver her shoulder at him as she paid for her merchandise. "I said they do musicals, remember? They're all great singers and they tour the country performing the songs from their musicals."

"So, you dragged me to America to watch you fangirl over a group of people I have never heard of before whilst listening to songs I don't know?"

She walked over to him with her bag full of goods and grinned at him. "Essentially, yes. Besides, it's not my fault they only tour in America. And anyway, what do_ you_ know about _fangirling_?"

He laughed. "I've heard you on the phone to Tanith enough times to know _all_ about it."

Valkyrie smiled. "Yeah, I love having her back. It was a shame she couldn't come with us."

"Well, Ghastly is unlikely to ever let her out of his sight again."

Valkyrie nodded and weighed the heavy bag in her hand. "Can we take this back to the car? It's heavy."

Skulduggery put an arm around her shoulders and took the bag for her. "Of course."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Valkyrie had changed into one of her new Starkid t-shirts she had just bought, and she locked away her other loot in the Bentley. She mock-twirled for Skulduggery. "How do I look?"

"Like a very dedicated fan."

"Thank you." She nodded.

"Just one more little thing is needed though I think."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Like what?"

"Look in the glove compartment."

Valkyrie obliged and unlocked the car again, peering into the glove compartment. She saw what Skulduggery had stashed away in there and squealed. She pulled out the authentic 5950 Red Sox baseball cap – an exact copy of the one Joe Walker, her favourite Starkid, had – and she put it on immediately."

Skulduggery nodded at her. "Nice. It suits you."

She ran to him and threw her arms around him. "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"

He laughed and retuned her embrace. "Happy Birthday, Val."

"Skul, you're already taking me to this concert as my present – you didn't need to get me anything else."

"Yeah, well, it's not everyday you turn eighteen, is it?" He locked up the Bentley. "Come on, let's get inside. We don't want to miss the beginning."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Skulduggery had scored him and Valkyrie seats right at the front, and he couldn't help but laugh every time he looked at Valkyrie who was fidgeting, anxiously waiting for the concert to start. Suddenly all the house lights went down and music was cranked up from nowhere. Valkyrie was standing up in an instant, standing on her chair, screaming. Skulduggery looked around and saw everyone else do the same and he stood too – but not on the chair, he was tall enough as it was.

"STARKIDS OF THE WORLD!" A voice boomed from the speakers. "ARE YOU READY TO GET THIS PARTY STARTED?"

Skulduggery could have sworn Valkyrie was screaming the loudest out of everyone there.

"THEN HERE THEY ARE! THE STARKIDS!"

Lights flashed, the music was cranked up even more, pyrotechnics went off and the screams reached an entirely new level when the entire Starkid cast ran out onto the stage singing their opening number. Skulduggery didn't know the song, but when he looked over at Valkyrie she was singing every word along with them, a huge, bug silly grin plastered onto her face.

Like she could sense him looking at her, she looked down at him, beaming and mouthed to him, "Isn't this great?"

Skulduggery for his part just laughed and nodded.

The concert, Skulduggery had to admit, was pretty damn good. Even though he didn't know any of the songs, he still liked them, and there was no denying that they all had excellent singing voices. He kept sneaking glances at Valkyrie, his smile broadening when he saw her singing and dancing along, screaming her lungs out and clapping her hands raw whenever they finished a number.

However, what Skulduggery wasn't expecting was the hysterical shriek that Valkyrie gave out when it was announced that Joe Walker was performing a solo song. The tall, incredibly toned man with the sandy-blonde hair and bright blue eyes took to the stage and winked at the audience, sending all the girls present into an absolute frenzy.

Valkyrie looked like she was about to faint when he started singing. She looked at Skulduggery and screamed, "THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG!"

At one point in the song, during the instrumental, Joe addressed his audience. "Hey everyone!" He called out. "How are you all doing out there tonight?"

Again, Skulduggery could have sworn Valkyrie screamed the loudest.

"Thanks for coming out tonight!" Joe continued. "But I'm going to have to ask you for a little favour, is that okay?"

More screaming.

Joe laughed. "I need some help with the rest of the song, can anyone help me, please?"

Both of Valkyrie's arms shot up into the air like a rocket.

Joe scanned the front row of the audience. "Oh, God, there are so many of you! Okay, well, hmm… okay how about you, in the front row? The one wearing the hat like mine?"

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie, bursting out laughing when he saw the look of absolute sheer delight on her face.

"Come on up!" Joe encouraged. "Joey and Brian will help you."

Two of the other performers, a tall, slender man with neat, dark hair and a slightly shorter man with dark, scruffy hair and a cutely-crooked jaw ran onto the stage and over to the stairs. They clambered down, waving to the audience, and ran across the front row, the barriers between them and the audience being the only things keeping them from being torn to shreds.

They stopped in front of Valkyrie and held their hands out to her, grinning. Valkyrie wasted no time in taking their hands and scrambling over the barrier in front of her. Skulduggery gave her a boost from behind and waved her off when she looked back at him, her smile s big it gave The Cheshire Cat a run for it's money.

They ran her up the stairs and onto the stage, and Skulduggery laughed at how she suddenly went all shy. Joey and Brian led her over to where Joe was standing, hand outstretched to her. She sheepishly stepped forward and took his hand. He kissed her hand and her smile grew impossibly bigger.

Then he bean to sing to her, and the whole audience cheered. Skulduggery just looked up at Valkyrie, proudly. Joe held the microphone out to her and she sang a line of the song flawlessly, which seemed to genuinely really impress him.

He finished the song and the audience hollered and applauded. Joe pulled Valkyrie into a tight hug and kissed her on the cheek. He had to hold her upright so her legs didn't give out from underneath her.

"Thank you everyone!" Joe called out. "And how about another round of applause for our special little Starkid here!"

Valkyrie grinned and blushed. Joey and Brian – the ones who had collected her – walked over to her and took both of her hands again, beginning to lead her offstage. As she was led away from him, she smiled back at him over her shoulder, and Joe blew a kiss at her. As Joey and Brian helped Valkyrie back to her seat, another song stared up onstage. Skulduggery helped Valkyrie back over the barriers.

Joey winked at her and passed her something that looked like two laminated slips of paper before they both ran back onstage. Valkyrie looked down at the slips in her hand, and upon realising they were backstage passes, she screamed again, overpowering the rest of the shrieking audience.

She put one around her neck and one around Skulduggery's. "THIS IS SO AMAZING!" She screamed. In the hype of it all, she held Skulduggery's temporary face between her hands and kissed him once before going back to cheering like the rest of the crowd.

Skulduggery blinked once, shocked, and proceeded to laugh at her hysterical behaviour. He touched his fingers to his lips that were oddly tingling and he realised, with a smirk, that he could get used to this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Valkyrie flashed the bouncer her backstage pass, somewhat smugly, and he let her and Skulduggery through. Backstage it was a lot bigger than what she had expected, the ceiling stretching high above them. All around her, people from the crew were chatting and laughing. There were the stage hands, the band members, but Valkyrie realised, with a start, that she couldn't see the Starkid cast anywhere.

"Where are they?" Valkyrie asked, trying to keep the ridiculous panic out of her voice. "I… I thought they'd be here. You don't think they've… _left_… do you?"

Skulduggery resisted the strong urge to snigger at her, and instead settled for pulling her into his side for a hug. "They'll be here." He promised.

A girl holding onto a clipboard wearing an official Starkid crew t-shirt walked up to them, smiling. She was pretty with long blonde hair and big brown eyes. "Hello there!" She spoke with an English accent, surprisingly enough. "You must be the lovely young lady who joined Joe on stage; it's lovely to meet you! And who here is your handsome friend?"

"Hey I'm Valarie and this is Stephen." Valkyrie smiled back, using their 'fake names' for when they were around civilians.

"Hey, hey, nice to meet you! My name's Laura, I'm the Starkid's P.A. They're just in their dressing rooms at the moment, but they'll be out with you soon, okay?"

"Even Joe Walker?" Valkyrie grinned.

"Yes, of course him too. He's been dying to see you again since you got off that stage. They won't be long, I promise." Laura gave them one last, genuine, smile before turning and disappearing the way she had come.

Valkyrie squealed like a little girl, in a way she had never even dared to in front of Skulduggery before, but she was past embarrassment tonight, after everything she had done. As she turned to face Skulduggery to speak, she was suddenly embraced very tightly by someone from behind.

"Ninja-hug." An American accent said next to her ear.

She squealed and turned around, realising she was looking at Joey Richter, the cute guy who had help her onto the stage earlier. "OHMYGOD!" She squealed all in one and gave him a huge hug.

Joey smiled his adorably crooked smile. "Hey, how are you!"

"I'm… I'm… AMAZING!" Valkyrie grinned, having trouble with the volume of her voice.

Brian Holden, the other guy who had helped her onto the stage peered out from behind Joey. "Hey, nice to meet you!"

Valkyrie half-shrieked and pulled away from Joey, only to rush into Brian's arms for another hug. She ended up hugging them all: Joey Richter, Brian Holden, Brian Rosenthal, Lauren Lopez, Joe Moses, Meredith Stepien, Darren Criss, Dylan Saunders, Jeff Blim, Jamie Lyn Beatty – and oh, all the rest! They talked with her for what felt like ages, making her laugh, singing with her, teaching her some of the Starkid dance steps.

She looked around in anticipation, searching for him, for Joe Walker, her favourite Starkid, and she felt her insides go hollow when he wasn't here. The irrational, hysterical, fangirl side of her wanted to shriek and cry, but she just stood there, looking around for him.

Skulduggery stepped up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay, Val?"

Valkyrie looked at Joey. "Um… is Joe Walker here? The lady – Laura – said he would be here."

"Oh, he's just in his dressing room." Joey smiled back. "He won't be much longer."

"Did somebody say Joe Walker?" Said a voice from behind them all.

Everyone turned, including Valkyrie and the silliest, happiest, biggest grin of the night took residence upon her lips.

"Hey," Joe smiled at Valkyrie. "Nice to meet you again. Cool hat."

Valkyrie couldn't control her actions. She ran and literally propelled herself into his arms, trapping him in a tight embrace. Joe caught her in his arms and laughed. He lowered her to her feet and kept his hands round her waist.

"Whoa, steady." He laughed. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Valkyrie grinned, wrapping her arms around him again, squeezing him in a tight hug, her head pressed against his chest. "You're amazing. I love you."

There was a resounding _aww_ from everyone apart from Skulduggery who just couldn't help but laugh.

"Aw, thank you." Joe said, hugging her back.

"You're amazing. I loved you in all the shows, and all the other performances you've done, and tonight. You're my favourite actor – you're perfect!" All of her words came out as a complete rush.

Joe cuddled her tighter. "Well aren't you just the sweetest thing? How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"Uh! I envy you! You're so young!

Valkyrie grinned into his chest. "You're only twenty six, you're still young."

"So you don't think I'm too old to be a Starkid?"

"NO!" Valkyrie near-shrieked.

Joe laughed and bowed his head to kiss the top on her head. "Well, okay then, I suppose you haven't seen to last of me yet."

Valkyrie looked up at him – God, he was tall! – and beamed. "Good."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" He asked with a smile.

"You don't want to trust her with that question." Skulduggery called over.

Valkyrie ignored him. "Could I have a picture with you please?"

"Of course you can!" Joe smiled, gently ruffling her hair.

Valkyrie pulled her camera out of her pocket and tossed it to Skulduggery. First, Valkyrie had her picture taken with all the Starkid cast, and then she had another one taken alone with Joe, who was kissing her cheek in the picture.

"Thank you!" Valkyrie smiled at him. "You made this the best night ever!"

"Not a problem." Joe said, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze. "We're going to have to go in a bit otherwise our tour-bus driver will get annoyed with us, but first, is there anything else I can do you for?"

"Again, not a safe question." Skulduggery laughed.

"Um…" Valkyrie seemed to blush. "Well… it's really stupid… but… could I try on your hat please?"

Joe burst out laughing. "That's not stupid, of course you can – but only if I can try on yours."

Valkyrie grinned and they swapped hats, each trying the other's on. Valkyrie noted that Joe's hat smelled of him – of his cologne.

"Oh yeah," Joe nodded. "I like this hat. Very nice, very new. Don't suppose I could convince you to trade?"

Valkyrie stared up at him. "Are you being serious?"

"Yeah, sure, why not!"

"YES!" She squealed! "YESYESYESYESYESYES!"

He laughed. "Okay then, you got yourself a deal. However, just one little thing…" he took off her hat and pulled out a sharpie from his pocket. He signed his name across the peak of the cap before putting it back on her head. "There," he smiled, "perfect."

"Thank you!" She grinned.

He pulled her into another hug and gave her another kiss on the cheek before leaving with the others. Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery and saw him smiling at her. She squealed and ran at him, jumping into his arms. Before he could even say anything, her lips had found his.

"THANK YOU!" She said in between kisses. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!"

Skulduggery pulled away and looked at her. "Wait, wait, wait! What is going on here?"

She looked at him and shrugged. "Dunno. He's just kinda put me in the mood. Plus I'm pretty grateful to you for doing all this. Are you really going to turn me down?"

Skulduggery thought about this for a few moments before smiling at her. "Nope." He murmured and pulled her lips back to his.

**I hope you all liked it :D**

**I'll try and update as often as I can - whenever I have some free time!**

**For those of you who don't know who the Starkids are... go youtube them right this second!**

**Much love to all of you!**

**xoxo**


	144. Valduggery: The Ring

**Cute Valduggery fluff :)**

**Oh, just a couple of notices, I have a Deviantart account now, my name on there is Sabrina-Sparrow and you can find the link to my page on my profile :) Also! I have a twitter account now, so feel free to follow and tweet me, my name is Starkid_Sparrow :)**

**Now, enjoy the story :)**

Valkyrie stood at the edge of the shore, the waves barely missing the tips of her converse, just waiting. Waiting for _him_. He was late – as usual – but she didn't mind, she had the sunset to keep her occupied. The sun was melting away into the ocean, painting the sky and water an array of crimsons and burnt oranges, making a smile form on Valkyrie's lips every time she looked at it.

He snuck up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, pulling her into an embrace from behind. He nuzzled his skull into her soft, dark hair.

"Boo." He murmured in his gloriously velvety voice.

The biggest, silliest grin spread across her lips. "I knew you were there."

"No you didn't."

"I did."

"Liar."

She turned around so she was facing him. She put her hands on his torso and pressed against him as much as she could. "You're lucky I even showed up, I was very, _very_ busy. Only Skulduggery Pleasant would have the _audacity_ to summon me here at this hour when I am clearly so very, _very_ busy!"

He tilted his skull at her, locking his arms tightly around her waist. "What exactly where you doing that was keeping you so very, _very _busy?"

"Actually I was watching Sherlock – but that in itself is nearly impossible to tear myself away from."

"Even for me?" He asked in a way that made Valkyrie think he would have been grinning at her if he could.

"Hmm, well, maybe you are the only exception."

"I better be, I have a surprise for you."

Valkyrie beamed at him. "What is it?"

"Well, you see, now I don't know if I should give it to you or not. Seeing as you are just _so_ busy, you might not have the time to open it."

"I promised I will take some time off from my busy schedule to open this one present, and then it's straight back to work… well, back to Sherlock."

He laughed and bowed his forehead to hers so they were touching. Cold, smooth bone against soft warm skin. "Okay then, I'll give it to you. But first you need to close your eyes."

She smiled and closed her eyes, doing as she was told. Skulduggery stepped away from her and just took a moment to look at her – to truly admire her beauty. She was tall and slender, but he knew all too well that under that flawless, fair skin were toned, built muscles. She was still young and carefree – only twenty five and she always wore the most perfect smile. Her long, sleek, black hair blew around her gorgeous face as she stood there with her dark eyes closed.

He fished around inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a little square Tiffanies box. He reached for her hands and placed the box in them, closing his bony hands around hers.

"Before you open your eyes." He said softly. "You should know that I've had this for a very long time, I've just been waiting for the right time to give it to you. Okay, okay, go on, open your eyes."

Valkyrie opened her eyes and looked down at their hands. Skulduggery took his hands away and Valkyrie opened up her hands to see the little blue, velvet box resting in her palms.

"Oh my God…" She murmured, eye's wide and awestruck.

"Now," Skulduggery said. "Before you open it, there is a little story behind it. Do you remember that one Christmas where I wouldn't let you have your present because you gave me mine late?"

"Yes, I brought you a hairbrush."

"Well, this is the present I wouldn't let you have back then. At the time it was just a token of friendship, but I kept it over the years, waiting for another time when it would serve some use. Before I knew it, friendship turned to something more. I fell head-over-heels madly in love with you, and suddenly this little present had a purpose again. I just had to wait for the right time to give it to you." He reached a gloved hand to her face and brushed his fingertips across her cheekbone. "But I can't wait any longer. This is yours. It belongs to you, and I want you to have it, even if you don't feel quite the same way as I do."

"I love you Skulduggery." She said simply. "I am _in_ love with you."

"In that case…" He ran his hand through her hair once before letting it drop to his side. "Open it."

She looked down at the little box, entertaining it between her fingers. Slowly she opened it and gasped. Looking up at her was a dazzling diamond ring in a white gold setting.

"Oh… _God_…" She breathed.

"All those years ago," Skulduggery said, "it was purely just a way of me saying thank you to you for being such a good friend to me." He took the ring from the box. "But now… well, my intentions are much, _much_, more different."

Slowly, he got down onto one knee.

"Oh my God…" Valkyrie whispered, dropping the empty box.

Skulduggery looked up at her with his big, empty eye sockets and held the ring out to her. "Valkyrie Cain, would you do me the extreme honour of being my wife, so that I can spend the rest of our lives showing you just how much I love you?"

Valkyrie knew it was coming from the moment he had gotten down on one knee, but the words still shocked her, and she clapped both of her shaking hands over her mouth. She realised she was crying – tears streaming down her face. She couldn't even speak, she could only nod.

"Really?" Skulduggery asked, sounding surprised. "Really? You'll marry me?"

"Of course I will!" She choked out.

Skulduggery laughed, almost in disbelief, and took her hand in his, sliding the ring on her finger. He jumped up and pulled her into a tight embrace letting her cry happy tears against his chest. Looking down at her, he put a finger under her chin and tilted her face upwards so that she was looking at him.

"Hey," he looked at her, "I love you, okay?"

"I love you too."

She activated his façade and pulled him into a tender kiss, the first kiss of many that were to come.

**I hope you liked it :)**

**xoxo**


	145. Valduggery: Benedict Part 1

**My Little Sparrows. I owe you an apology of EPIC proportions. I have not updated in a while - I know - and I am VERY sorry! I have just been feeling so uninspired in the SkulPles department as of late and I blame it on the fact that we - the SP fandom - are at that horrible stage where we've all read Death Bringer an million times over and theres no more possible fanfic stories we can wring from it, and we're all still waiting for book seven to come out, which is so close, but still so far away.**

**But here we go. I've attempted an update, although I really need book seven to give me some new material to work with.  
**

**Enjoy!  
**

**P.S. The reason why the story is called "Benedict" will become clear in part two :)  
**

Today, Skulduggery's facade had soft silver-blonde hair and dark, sea blue eyes. Today, Skulduggery's facade also had a body. Slightly tanned skin, clear and soft, with muscles rippling beneath the surface. He would never be able to thank the guys down at the Sanctuary Infirmary enough for this genius little invention they had cooked up for him. Two years ago, if anyone had asked him, he would say that he had no need for a temporary body. And then he asked out Valkyrie, and suddenly there was a very urgent need for him to have a human body – even if it was a temporary one.

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie called from their bedroom. "I'm ready. You can come in now."

Skulduggery grinned from where he was standing on the landing and pushed open the bedroom door, stepping inside. He looked over at the bed, seeing Valkyrie laying on it wearing his dark blue fedora.

_Only_ the fedora.

"Blue suits you." Skulduggery said, his grin widening.

"Shut up and come get me." Valkyrie ordered with a dominant smile.

"Oh... _yes_." Skulduggery murmured, moving towards her.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Val, I'm home!" Skulduggery called, walking through the front door.

"I'm in the kitchen!" She called back.

"Still?"

"Shut your face."

Skulduggery tilted his head at her as he walked into the kitchen, sitting down at the breakfast counter opposite her. "_What_ face?"

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Fine. Then shut your _skull_."

"Better." He nodded. "He looked at the plate in front of her. "What are you eating?"

"Cheese and jam sandwich."

Skulduggery paused. "Wait... _what_?"

"Cheese and jam sandwich. You've never tried one?"

"Well, no. I'm a normal person."

"Well it's good. I just really fancied one. I haven't had one since I was a little girl, and all of the sudden I just wanted one, you know?"

"You'll make yourself ill."

"Don't care."

"And I won't be the one cleaning up your puke. I'm your husband, not your house keeper."

Valkyrie tore off the crust from one of her sandwiches and threw it at Skulduggery, roaring with laughter when it landed in his left eye socket.

"That is the grossest thing you've ever done to me." Skulduggery grumbled, fishing the bread crust from his empty eye.

"Grosser that that time with the silk handkerchief and the ice cubes?"

"Okay, the second grossest thing, you've ever done to me." He tilted his head at her in a way that would let her know he was grinning. "Where did you even learn that anyway?"

"Tanith." She said simply.

Skulduggery paused. "Really?"

"Yep."

"Well, I'm still sore."

"Don't complain, I made it up to you."

"That, you certainly did."

Valkyrie grinned at him, but it was short lived. "Oh... _God_!" She gasped, clamping a hand over her mouth. She jumped out of her seat and made a mad dash for the sink, vomiting up everything she'd just eaten.

Skulduggery sighed and got up, walking over to her and holding her hair out of the way. "I told you so." He said softly, rubbing her back in soothing motions.

"Shut _up_." She groaned, miserably, puking again.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Skulduggery was sitting on the sofa reading his news paper. Just as he was looking at the weather forecast for tomorrow – overcast and rainy – the paper was snatched from his hands. He looked up to see Valkyrie in a tiny little police woman's uniform and his jaw dropped.

"Valkyrie?" He asked, his gaze raking slowly over her barely covered appearance – although you would never be able to tell, although of course, Valkyrie could.

"Stop mentally undressing me Skulduggery. Take me upstairs and do the real thing." She smiled at him devilishly wicked, and pulled on his tie. "You are in _big_ trouble, Detective."

"Valkyrie..." Skulduggery murmured, huskily. "We... we can't. It's the fourteenth. You're on."

She shook her head. "No I'm not. I'm late. Now, come on, Detective. I won't ask you again."

He tilted his head at her. "You're late?"

"Yeah. It happens. My body clock is working over time or something. I don't know and I don't care." She kneeled, sitting down on Skulduggery's lap, straddling his hips. "Now you get that facade on and get your fake little ass upstairs, or I'll be forced to handcuff you and have you right here right now while you're still a skeleton, and God knows, that would be interesting."

Skulduggery didn't need telling twice. He scooped Valkyrie up into his arms and was carrying her – practically running – upstairs, to their bedroom.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Skulduggery was working at a crime scene inspecting a dead body. Valkyrie wasn't with him. She was home, ill. Completely worse for wear. She'd woken up and within minutes she was violently sick. He was really starting to worry about her, but she had insisted that she was fine and just needed some rest.

His phone beeped, receiving a text message. He pulled his Blackberry out of his pocket and looked at the screen.

_How's the investigation going? – VC_

Skulduggery smiled and formed his reply, the realisation of how much he missed her being at the crime scene with him finally dawning on him. He just couldn't work without her at his side.

_Awful. I suck at this without you. – SP_

_Yeah well, I _am_ your lucky charm. – VC_

_Too right. How's the sickness? – SP_

_It goes for a while and then it comes back with a vengeance, but I'll be fine. – VC_

_I swear to God, that is your favourite word these days. How's the stomach cramps? – SP_

_Bad. I swear to God I've never wanted a period so bad in my life! – VC_

Skulduggery read the last text and laughed. He was about to form a reply when his fingers froze. "Oh... _God_..." He murmured. He couldn't reply. He couldn't even find the strength to reply. He must have been standing there for a while, staring aimlessly at his phone for a long time because eventually Valkyrie texted him again.

_Skul, you there? – VC_

_Don't leave me hanging, I'm bored here. – VC_

_I bet if I were to text you saying that I'm naked and tied to the bed posts with your police tape, you'd reply. – VC_

_Skulduggery? – VC_

Skulduggery shoved the phone in his pocket. He turned on his heel and marched away from the corpse at his feet, making for the Bentley.

Erskine looked up at him, confused. "Skul? Where are you going?"

"The pharmacy." He replied emotionlessly, not looking back.

"Are you alright?" Erskine called after him.

"I'm _fine_."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Take the test." Skulduggery said, holding out the pregnancy test to her.

"What?" She frowned at him. "No. No! This is ridiculous. I'm not pregnant."

"You could be."

"But I'm not. You're a skeleton."

"With a fully functioning body ay my will."

"A _fake_ functioning body." She corrected.

Skulduggery shrugged. "Who knows how 'functional' the guys at the Sanctuary made it for me?" He sighed, stepping forwards and putting the test into the palm of her hand. "Please do it? For me?"

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and groaned. "Fine! But you're being an idiot!"

She stormed off into the bathroom, leaving Skulduggery standing in the hallway. She emerged five minutes later in tears.

"Valkyrie?" He asked her, worried.

"You were right." She whispered. "I'm pregnant."

**So! I hope you all liked it!**

**Part two will be up soon, however, I need to attempt to update my other SP stories and my Quirrelmort story first :)  
**

**Thank you all muchly for being such loyal Little Sparrows :)  
**

**xoxo  
**


	146. Valduggery: Benedict Part 2

**IMPORTANT NOTICE: I'M A TWAT! Yes, it's true, I am. I accidentially uploaded a chapter or my Johnlock story to my Valduggery drabbles, and it sat here for a while and I didn't notice. Then it was pointed out to me that it was wrong and now I have ammended it and re-uploaded it! Apologies! Forgive me!  
**

**MORE IMPORTANT NEWS! I am going away on holiday tomorrow to Egypt for twoo weeks, therefore you wont have any Skulduggery chapter updates for a fortnight, but I'll start updating as soon as I get back :) I'll miss you all tons, and I'll try to get to a laptop on holiday if I can to do some writing!  
**

**Thank you all for being such loyal readers, I really do love you all from the bottom of my heart :)  
**

**Now, enjoy the story!**

Skulduggery froze. "You're... pregnant?"

Valkyrie nodded, her hand clamped over her mouth.

"Oh my God..." He murmured, running his hands over his skull. "Oh my _God_..."

Valkyrie burst into tears, coving her face with her hands. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Skulduggery was pulling her into a hug immediately, stroking her hair. "Hey, hey, hey, don't cry." He said, soothingly. "What are you apologising for?"

"This is all my fault!" She wailed into his chest.

He pulled away so that he could look at her. "Valkyrie, it takes two people to get someone pregnant. I had as much to do with this as you did. You can't blame yourself, okay?"

"But you had no idea, you couldn't have known that your facade could do this."

"Yes, and neither did you."

Valkyrie covered her face again. "Please don't hate me."

Skulduggery jerked away from her, like she had shocked him. "_Hate_ you? How could I ever _hate_ you?"

"Because I can't get rid of it, Skulduggery. I _have_ to keep it. I'm sorry if that's not what you want."

Skulduggery shook his head. "Why on Earth would you think that?"

Valkyrie looked up at him. "W...what?"

"Val, this is our _baby_. Of _course_ I want it!"

For some reason this only made Valkyrie cry even harder. "You mean it?"

"Of course I mean it!" He ran forward and held Valkyrie in his arms again. "I'm going to be a dad." He laughed into her hair in awe. "Oh my God, I'm going to get to be a dad again!"

And then Valkyrie was laughing too. "You're going to be a great dad."

"Better than last time I hope."

Valkyrie tip-toed up and press her lips gently to his teeth, "You were a great father then, and you will be now."

"I love you." Skulduggery breathed.

"I love you too."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Valkyrie, don't eat jam straight out of the jar."

Valkyrie scowled up at him. "Shut up."

"It's not good for your teeth." Skulduggery pressed.

"I'm _craving_ it!"

"You're _always_ craving it!"

"I'm six months pregnant and you can't tell me what to do." Valkyrie said, stubbornly.

"Fine." Skulduggery sighed. "Rot your teeth. When they all fall out and you have none left you'll be able to sympathise with the baby."

Valkyrie grinned and punched him. "Sod off. And stop telling me what to eat."

"You're eating us out of house and home."

"And don't I know it!" Valkyrie put on her best 'Skulduggery voice': "Valkyrie, don't eat raw eggs! Stop eating whole chunks of cheese! Onions are for seasoning, not snacking!"

Skulduggery laughed and shook his head. "That sounds _nothing_ like me!"

"Don't be jealous of my talent."

"_What_ talent?"

Valkyrie poked her finger inside the jam jar and wiped a blob of raspberry jam over his cheekbone. "Be quiet."

If Skulduggery had eyes, he would be rolling them. "Charming."

Valkyrie tip-toed up and kissed the jam off his cheek. "I know."

"I love you."

"I know."

He sighed. "You're supposed to say it back."

She grinned. "I love you too."

"I know."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"I'm bored." Valkyrie said from where she was curled up in her chair.

"Oh?" Skulduggery asked from the armchair opposite, peering over his newspaper at her.

"Yes." She sighed.

"Well there are a number of things you could do. We could go out, I'll take you shopping. Or we could stay in and watch a film, or we–"

"Let's have sex."

Skulduggery paused. "Wait... _what?_"

"You heard."

"Valkyrie, you're seven months pregnant."

"Problem?"

Skulduggery paused. "You're really up for it?"

She grinned at him. "You have _no_ idea."

Skulduggery was already up from his chair, rushing towards her. "_God_ I love you."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"I HATE YOU!"

"I KNOW, VAL, I KNOW!"

"NO, SKULDUGGERY, I _REALLY_ FUCKING _HATE_ YOU!"

"I KNOW! I'M SORRY!"

The midwife looked over Valkyrie, trying to calm her down. "Breathe, Valkyrie! Remember to breathe."

Valkyrie glared at the woman from her hospital bed. "I _am,_ you idiot! I'd be dead if I wasn't!"

"Valkyrie, she's only trying to help." Skulduggery offered, trying to be comforting as he sat beside her, holding her hand.

"Oh, you can fuck off too!" Valkyrie snapped. "I'm in this mess because of you."

Skulduggery tilted his head at her. "Funny, I thought it was a shared experience?"

Oh, if looks could kill.

The other midwife examining Valkyrie looked up at her and smiled. "You're ten centimetres dilated. We're ready to start pushing."

Valkyrie looked over at Skulduggery. "God, I hate you."

"I love you, too."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Skul?" Valkyrie called from the kitchen, where she was putting together a packed lunch. "Are you getting Benedict ready?"

"I'm trying, but he doesn't seem to want to put his shoes on." Skulduggery called back.

"Well, get a move on, he's got to be leaving in five minutes."

"Will do."

Valkyrie put the jam sandwiches, a banana, a yoghurt pot, and cheese cubes into the Power-Ranger lunch box, along with a mini carton of orange juice, and brought it out to the living room.

On the sofa sat Skulduggery, love of her life, and upon his lap a little boy – only six years old. He had dark hair and dark eyes, and a silly grin on his face. Upon his left cheek there was a smudge of white, likewise to the white smudges on his hands, back and legs. The white smudges were the bone beneath that couldn't be concealed, because there was never any skin, flesh or muscle to cover over it with. He was a mixture of skeleton and human flesh. He was a mixture of his father Skulduggery and his mother Valkyrie. His name was Benedict – named after Skulduggery's given name – and he was their son.

"Benedict, you need to put on your facade before you go out to school."

Benedict frowned. "But I don't want to. I want to be like daddy."

"You _are_ like daddy." Valkyrie smiled, reaching out and brushing her thumb against the exposed bone on his cheek. "But when we go out, the facade goes on. You know that, now hop to it please."

Benedict sighed and tapped the tattoos on his collar bones, activating the all-over-facade that covered up all his exposed areas of bone.

"Good boy." Valkyrie said, pinching his cheek.

Skulduggery stood, bringing his son with him. "Come on, let's get going, you'll be late for school."

Valkyrie handed Benedict his lunch box and kissed him on the cheek. Next she turned to kiss Skulduggery. "I love you." She murmured as she pulled away.

"I love you too."

**I hope you all liked it!**

**See you all in two weeks!**

**Byeeee!**

**xoxo**


	147. Valduggery: Let's Have Dinner

**Hello Little Sparrows! Guess who is back from Egypt?!**

**IMPORTANT NOTICES! PLEASE READ!  
**

**So! Moving onto things! Kingdom Of The Wicked is now on the book shelves! Please can I ask for no spoilers in the reviews for at least the next couple of months - that way everyone has a fair chance of reading the book without it being ruined for them. Also I won't be writing any updates with KOTW spoilers in them until this point :) Just normal updates as usual for a while :)  
**

**So! Guess where I'm going this Sunday! That's right ladies and gents! On Sunday the 9th of September, at 12pm, I Sabrina Sparrow, will be meeting the Golden God, Derek Landy again at Waterstone in Bluewater! ASDFGHJKL! Which of you guys are going to the book signing? If you're there on Sunday, look out for me and come over and say hey :) I will be wearing black shorts with skulls on them, and a white shirt covered with my favourite SkulPles quotes. You know me, tall, lanky, blonde hair - look out for me! I can't wait to meet some of you! Ahhh! So excited! :D  
**

**Now, this story is the story that I have written especially for Derek. I will be giving this to him on Sunday. I am so sorry it's so long, but I really hope you all like it! Please could you let me know what you think, if you have the time, and if you think Derek will like it :)  
**

**Thak you so much! Enjoy the story!  
**

_I'm bored. Let's have dinner. – SP_

_What? No. Go away. – VC_

_But I'm hungry. Let's have dinner. – SP_

_You're a skeleton. You don't get hungry. – VC_

_Fine then. I'm NOT hungry. Let's have dinner. – SP_

_Why are you asking me out for dinner? It's not your way of asking me out on a date, is it? Please say it's not. – VC_

_A date? God, no. Just needed to see you – work stuff. I'd thought we'd have dinner over it. – SP_

'_We'? – VC_

_Okay, fine. I thought you'd have dinner, and I would talk to you. – SP_

_Fine. Okay fine. – VC_

_Let's have dinner? – SP_

_Let's have dinner. – VC_

_Meet you at Perry's Diner in half an hour? Roarhaven? – SP_

_Cool. It's a date. – VC_

_Really? - SP_

_No, not really. Don't be a prat. See you in half an hour. – VC_

_See you then. Wear something pretty. – SP_

_Bugger off. - VC_

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and shoved her phone back into her pocket. _Wear something pretty?_ Valkyrie looked at herself in her full-length mirror for an extensive amount of time. What was he talking about? She _always_ looked pretty. She sighed and pulled out her 'work clothes' from her closet, and shrugged into them. Skulduggery wanted to talk to her about something over dinner.

This ought to be good.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Valkyrie's cab rolled up outside Perry's Diner. It was a dingy little diner that sat in the heart of Roarhaven, old and unloved. Valkyrie looked up at it and sort of felt the need to hug it, it looked so pathetic. She paid the driver, politely turned down his offer for his phone number, and stepped out onto the pavement. She pulled out her phone and text Skulduggery.

_I'm here. Waiting outside. – VC_

_I'm not there yet. Go inside, I'll come and find you. – SP_

_Right. Hurry up then. – VC_

Valkyrie made her way inside the diner, and the first thing to hit her was the smell. God it was awful. Somewhere between sewer and a really smelly cat litter box. She looked at her surroundings and quickly decided that they were no better than the smell. Why on earth would anyone actually _chose_ to eat here? And then she realised. Sorcerers. This was a meeting place for Mages and others alike. Although right now it was completely empty in here – not even any staff working.

Why on earth had Skulduggery, of all people, arranged to meet her here?

He phone rang and she looked at it. It was an unknown number. She answered it without hesitation. "Hello?"

"_Hello? Valkyrie?" _Skulduggery's voice reached hers from the other end of the line.

"_Skulduggery? Why are you calling on an unknown number?"_

"_I lost my phone."_

"_You lost your phone? Between now and two minutes ago when you texted me? Really?"_

She could practically hear the frown in his tone._ "When did I text you?"_

"_Just a second ago."_

"_No I didn't."_

"_Yes you did."_

"_No, Valkyrie, I didn't." _Skulduggery repeated_. "I lost my phone two days ago when we were in battle."_

Valkyrie sighed._ "It was hardly a battle, Skulduggery."_

Now it was Skulduggery's turn to sigh_. "Fine. I lost it two days ago during our scuffle. I haven't seen it since, so logic would suggest that it was stolen then."_

Valkyrie squeezed her eyes shut. _"But this makes no sense. I got a text from your phone today asking me to meet you at Perry's Diner in Roarhaven."_

"_Why on earth would I want to meet there?"_

"_I don't know!" _She snapped._ "I thought we were on a case or something!"_

Skulduggery sighed, again._ "Valkyrie, this sounds like a trap."_

"_A little bit." _She paused_. "And I fell for it. Not good?"_

"_It's a bit not good."_

Valkyrie frowned._ "But if you phone was lost–"_

"_Stolen."_

"_Fine, Stolen. If you phone was stolen during our case the other day, that means that whoever we were fighting took your phone. That's who's been texting me."_

"_So who was it we were fighting last week?"_

Valkyrie paused_. "Oh God..."_

"_Valkyrie?"_

"_Sanguine."_

Skulduggery's tone was now urgent._ "Valkyrie, get out of there now. I'm on my way over, but you need to get out of there, alright?"_

"_Alright."_

"_Stay safe."_

"_I will."_

"_I won't be long."_

"_Righto."_

Valkyrie hung up. She looked around the diner to see if anything had changed. To see if any murderous, no-eyed psychopaths had shown up, wielding straight razors. To her great relief, she saw that nothing had changed. Good. That meant she still had time to escape before he showed up.

She hurried over to the front door, trying her best not to break out into a run. She only got halfway to the exit when the doors swung inwards, the breeze snatching her hair back. Her heart thumped painfully against her ribcage as she saw the man in the tanned suit wearing those notorious mirrored sunglasses blocked her only escape route.

"Hello, little darlin'." Sanguine grinned at her. "Let's have dinner."

Valkyrie stared at him. "Billy-Ray."

He started towards her. "Now, what would a pretty little thing like you be doing in a dingy little place like this?" He laughed. "Oh right, that's it. I asked you here. And look at you, such a good little girl, you came along, no question asked."

Valkyrie stood her ground, preparing to fight if she had to. And she knew she probably would. "You stole Skulduggery's phone."

"I _borrowed_ it."

"You took it when he dropped it."

Billy-Ray sighed in a fashion that suggested that he'd be rolling his eyes if he had them. "Fine, I borrowed it without asking. What difference does it make? Either way, I got the same outcome. I got _you_."

"Alright." Valkyrie nodded. "But what do you _want_ from me?"

Billy-Ray laughed, still stalking towards her. "Oh, Honey, that is _not_ a question you want to be asking me."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, cop on to yourself."

"You aren't attracted to me? What with all my charm and _dashing_ good looks?"

"I'm about as attracted to you as I am a dead frog."

"Ah, honesty. How I _despise_ honesty. It takes a true talent to lie. Lying is an _art form_."

"Careful there, Billy-Ray, you're starting to sound like Scapegrace."

Sanguine's expression turned sour. "Oh, now that's just _cold_." He took a step to close the five feet between them.

Valkyrie held out her hand before her and pressed against the air, making a wall from it so that Sanguine couldn't get any closer. "I'll repeat my question, shall I? _What do you want from me_?"

Sanguine unsuspectingly walked straight into Valkyrie's protective wall of air and stumbled back, hissing painfully. "Goddamit! You could have broken my nose!"

"It would've been an improvement on your face. Now answer my question."

"I'm using you for leverage!" He spat, angrily. "If I hold you hostage, I can get FunnyBones to agree to anything I want!"

Valkyrie frowned. "Okay, that will never actually happen, but sure, okay. I'll humour you. What is it that you want from Skulduggery?"

Sanguine straightened up, smiling. "That's for me to know and for you to... dot, dot, dot."

"Ah..." She nodded. "A good old fashioned standoff. I remember you have a fondness for those."

"If you remembered _correctly_, you'll know that I don't."

She shrugged. "I wasn't really paying much attention to you at the time. You're quite unexceptional."

He grinned at her. "If I'm so _unexceptional_, they why are you stalling for time? Waiting for your boyfriend to get here?"

"Skulduggery is _not_ my boyfriend." She said, hotly.

"Why don't you let down that fancy wall of air you're holding up, and fight me like a real Sorcerer?"

"Because that would be stupid."

"You _are_ stupid."

"And you're nothing but an arrogant, egotistical, pretentious _madman_." She countered.

"Did someone say Skulduggery Pleasant?" A deep voice rumbled from behind them both.

"Ah, crap." Sanguine grumbled, not even bothering to turn around.

Valkyrie looked over Sanguine's shoulder and saw Skulduggery, revolver in hand, trained at the back of Sanguine's head. "Hey."

Skulduggery nodded back. "You alright?"

"Peachy. You?"

"I'm fine." Skulduggery sighed.

Valkyrie tilted her head. "You don't _sound_ fine."

The great Skeleton Detective shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. It's just this suit. I don't know if it works for me."

Valkyrie gave him the once over. "I think you look great."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Nice and dapper."

"You're sure I don't look fat?"

Valkyrie's eyebrows knitted together. "In what universe could you look fat?"

"_Hello_?!" Sanguine almost whined, still standing in-between them.

Skulduggery looked at Sanguine as if he was only just noticing he was still there. "Hm? Oh yes, of course. My apologies."

"Thank you." Sanguine muttered.

"William-Raymond Sanguine, I am arresting you for..." He looked to Valkyrie. "What has he done?"

"Theft of a mobile phone, attempting to take me hostage, and wasting my time by hitting on me." She replied.

Skulduggery nodded. "You heard what she said. Are you coming with us quietly, or would you like to be dragged out kicking and screaming?"

Sanguine smiled. "As heavenly as the kicking and screaming sounds, I have a better proposition for you."

The ground rumbled and cracked beneath Sanguine's feet, and he was suddenly swallowed up by it.

Valkyrie looked to Skulduggery, her eyes wide. "I thought he couldn't do that anymore."

Skulduggery nodded. "Me too. This may not end well for us."

The ground behind Valkyrie groaned and fractured, and Billy-Ray Sanguine came spouting from it. Quick as a flash, he slapped a pair of shackles onto Valkyrie's wrists, and yanked her back to him, securing her in a chokehold with one arm. He held his straight razor to her throat with his other hand.

"Skulduggery!" She screamed, panicked.

Skulduggery almost lost his mask of calm. "God, Valkyrie!" He made a step towards her, letting his gun hand waver. He almost immediately corrected himself, putting on a tough stance again. "Where'd you get the shackles from Billy-Ray?" He asked, calmly. "I don't suppose they are the same pair that went missing the day I lost my phone, are they?"

Sanguine grinned. "Maybe."

"In that case, I'd like my partner _and_ my shackles back."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, FunnyBones."

"It wasn't a request. Hand her over. _Now._"

"Now now, Detective." Sanguine was enjoying this. "No need get so _aggravated_."

"I'm not here to play games, Billy-Ray. Give her back to me."

"But we were having so much _fun._"

"I'll shoot you."

"I'll slit her throat."

"Not before I fill your brain with bullets."

"Are you willing to take that risk?"

Skulduggery paused. He changed tactics. "What do you want with her, anyway? She's just a teenage girl."

Sanguine leered. "Oh, now _that_ takes me back..."

"Shut your face." Skulduggery snapped. "I'm being serious. What do you want her for?"

Sanguine's smile widened so much he began to resemble something of a Cheshire Cat. "I need her as leverage, Skelton."

Skulduggery tilted his head to one side. "Leverage?"

"Mm-hm. I am officially holding Miss Cain here hostage. Just imagine all the _delicious_ blackmail I could get you to partake in for her safe return."

"You haven't actually taken her yet." Skulduggery reminded him.

"But I will. Unless you agree to my terms."

"Which are?"

Sanguine's smile suddenly dropped. "You have something that I want, Pleasant."

"Which is?"

Sanguine's grip on Valkyrie tightened and she yelped in pain. "I want my father out of the Gaol."

Skulduggery paused a moment. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

"When my father's plan to blow up Croke Park Stadium backfired, ya'll put him in prison! I want him out!" Sanguine snapped.

"Why would you want him out?" Skulduggery's finger on the trigger was itching to pull it. "You two didn't even get along."

"I have my reasons. I want to see him again. I guess you could call it a 'family reunion'. Now get out that fancy mobile of yours, call your little buddy, Mr Ravel, and tell him to get my Dear Daddy out of jail."

"And if I don't?" Skulduggery challenged.

"I'll kill the girl."

"No you won't."

"Want to bet?"

Skulduggery sighed. "I can't release your father from the Gaol, Billy-Ray."

"And why in the h_ell_ not?" Sanguine spat back.

"Well, apart from all the obvious _moral reasons_, getting him out would take a lot of time."

"Time? What do you mean _time_?!"

"I mean, it would be a lengthy process. Therefore, it would take a lot of time."

Sanguine seemed to be turning an unsightly shade of cerise. "What the hell?!" He yelled. "What, did you fed-ex him back to Texas or something? Just call Ravel now or I'll slash Valkyrie's throat! And then I'll kill _you _too!"

"You'll kill _Me_?" Skulduggery asked, sceptically.

"Yes."

"Will that be before or after I get your father out of prison?"

There was a pause. Sanguine's left eye twitched. "Just do it."

"Give me Valkyrie first."

Sanguine laughed. "Yeah right. Like I'm going to hand over the only thing that I could use to blackmail you. No, Mr FunnyBones, no. I think I'm going to keep Valkyrie with me for a while. Just for safe keeping, of course."

"Over my dead body. Pun not intended."

"What you going to do? Shoot?" Sanguine sneered. "You wouldn't risk it. You wouldn't risk shooting your precious Valkyrie instead of me."

"What are _you_ going to do?" Skulduggery challenged. "You can't sink back into the ground. Not again after just doing it. You're still too damaged from the wound Valkyrie inflicted upon you all those years ago to do that twice in a row. It looks like you're stuck here." He tilted his skull in a way that suggested he was smiling. "Wasn't it you who said you liked good old fashioned standoffs?"

Sanguine looked exasperated for a moment. "Why does everyone think that?!"

"Oh, no reason. To be honest, I was just stalling for time."

Sanguine arched an eyebrow. "Stalling for time?"

"Oh yes."

"What are you waiting for?"

"Oh wait and see. You're going to _love_ this bit."

"What are you talk–"

Sanguine was cut off short by the front doors to the diner being blown of their hinges. Through the dust and the debris, a silhouette could be made out, standing in the doorway. A woman's voice spoke to them, English accent ringing clear as a bell.

"William-Raymond Sanguine! You put my saviour down this _instant_!"

Sanguine's jaw dropped. He looked at Skulduggery. "You called my _girlfriend_?!"

Skulduggery shook his head. "Nope. I just knew she would show up. You're trying to kill Valkyrie, and since she still has that obsession with her, I knew she'd be showing up sooner or later."

"Damn right I would show up!" Tanith snapped, striding forward. "Billy-Ray! What the _hell_ are you doing?!"

Valkyrie could have sworn she felt Billy-Ray's knees go a little weak. "Um... _well_..."

"Why are you holding a straight razor to my saviour's throat?"

"Uhhh..."

"Tick-tock." She prompted.

"Well..." Sanguine swallowed. "Well, I was just... holding her hostage..."

Her frown deepened. "We never discussed that."

Sanguine started to look irritated. "Sweet-pea, what in the _hell_ does it matter if we didn't discuss it?"

"Babe, we're supposed to talk about all evil plans before we put them into action – you _know_ that."

"Oh, not this again."

"I can't let you do this. Valkyrie isn't supposed to die. How is she going to become the Remnant's leader if she dies?"

"Your crazy fantasies aren't my concern!" Sanguine snapped.

Tanith arched an eyebrow at Sanguine. "They will be if I _say_ they will! Do you _want_ to sleep on the couch again tonight?!"

Sanguine could feel his cheeks heating up. "Can we please talk about this later, sugar-bell?"

Tanith drew her sword from her sheath. "No, I think we're going to talk about this right now. You going to let Valkyrie go, otherwise I'll chop you up into little bite-size pieces. Do you understand me, pumpkin?"

Valkyrie arched an eyebrow at Skulduggery, who merely shrugged, keeping his gun aimed at Sanguine.

Tanith wheeled round to face Skulduggery. "I saw that."

Sanguine sighed. "Tanith, don't make him mad, he's pointing a gun at me."

Tanith gave him a look. "You're making _me_ mad, and I'm pointing a _sword _at you."

Sanguine hesitated. "What's your point?"

"My point is, you need to let Valkyrie go, or I _will_ kill you. You know I will."

Sanguine and Tanith glared at each other for a long moment. Eventually Tanith stared Billy-Ray out and he looked away.

"Fine!" He snapped. He let go of Valkyrie and shoved her away from him. "Happy now?"

Valkyrie stumbled forwards and Skulduggery was running forward in an instant, encircling an arm around her waist to keep her standing. His gun never strayed far from Sanguine.

"Go stand outside." Tanith hissed to Billy-Ray. "I'll be out shortly."

Sanguine stormed outside, in a somewhat sulky fashion, snarling something under his breath to Valkyrie as he passed.

"Love you too." Valkyrie called back.

Once he was gone Tanith looked at Valkyrie. "You alright?"

Valkyrie straightened, and pushed Skulduggery's arm away from her. "Do you even care?"

"Of course. _Are_ you okay?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

Tanith nodded, putting her sword away. "Cool. So, you still on the side of the angels?"

Valkyrie gave Tanith a tight smile. "Yes. Are you still evil?"

Tanith grinned. "_Oh yeah_."

"Then there's nothing more I have to say to you."

Tanith nodded again. "I get that. I do. It's fine. You're not ready to lead us just yet. It's _fine_." Tanith made for the door. "I apologise for Billy-Ray, he does dreadful things when he's bored, but I'll work hard to keep him under better control." She paused and looked back at Valkyrie. "Ciao, babe."

And then she was gone.

Skulduggery was suddenly gripping onto Valkyrie. He undid her shackles. "Alright? _Are you alright?_"

She looked up at him and nodded. "I'm fine. Skulduggery, I'm _fine_, okay?"

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

Skulduggery let go of her and let out a relieved laugh. "Okay. Okay, good."

"Are _you_ alright?" She asked.

"I'm a little confused. But yes, I'm alright."

She nodded and looked around at the empty diner. "So... what do you want to do now?"

He shrugged. "I don't mind. What about you?"

Valkyrie's stomach gurgled. She grinned up at him. "I'm hungry. Let's have dinner."

**So, did you guys like it? Please let me know, if of course you get the chance to drop me a review :) I would love to have your opinions before I give it to Derek :3**

**Don't forget, no spoilers in the reviews yet please :)  
**

**Also, remember to look out for me on Sunday!  
**

**Much love!  
**

**xoxo  
**


	148. Valduggery: Be Mine

**Hello my darling Little Sparrows!**

**I'm so sorry for the delay in updating! I'm currently doing this little thing called 'university' which eats up all my time.**

**VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE: I'm sure you've all heard that Derek will be appearing at the Imagine Festival on the 20****th**** of February to give a talk and do a signing afterwards. Yes I will be going, and I hope loads of you will be too! I want to meet as many of you as possible! I will be wearing another one of my infamous shirts with "Derek Landy's #1 Minion" on it, and some character names on the back, and probably some shorts. Come say hey, give me a hug. I'll look forward to seeing you all!**

**Just some personal updates, the blog (it's on my profile page) is still going strong - and it's even had a makeover! - so take a peek and follow me if you want. I'm still on twitter, Starkid_Sparrow, check me out if you get the time. Tumblr is still going, my URL is the same as before: tangled-to-perfection, and I have a Sabrina Sparrow tag on there, so feel free to have a mooch around or add things to there. AND LASTLY! I now have Instagram, so to see what useless things I get up to find and follow me at Sabrina_Sparrow!**

Skulduggery dropped into the seat beside Valkyrie and looked at her with his big empty eye sockets. "Why are you sulking?"

She looked away from the TV to look up at him. "I'm not sulking."

"Yes you are."

"Am I?"

"Yes."

Valkyrie frowned. "I wasn't aware that I was sulking… sorry…"

Skulduggery tilted his head at her. "And now you're apologising. Something must be seriously wrong."

She shrugged. "I feel fine."

"You look sad."

"I do?"

"Yes. What's the matter?"

Valkyrie looked back at her TV and shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't realise I was sad. Perhaps I am… a little...?"

Skulduggery nodded slowly. "I see. And would this have anything to do with the current date?"

Valkyrie sighed and looked at the calendar on the far wall. February thirteenth. "Maybe…"

"It's Valentine's Day tomorrow." Skulduggery pointed out.

"Thanks for reminding me."

"Who will you be spending it with?"

She sighed. "A bottle of wine and _Love Actually_ on DVD."

"Martin Freeman naked?"

She nodded. "Naked and a porn star, yes. Life is good."

Skulduggery paused for a moment. "Do you wish you had a date?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. It would be nice."

Skulduggery nodded. "Want me to arrange something?"

Valkyrie looked at him. "What?"

"Would you like me to arrange a date for you?"

She laughed. "Are you being serious?"

"Can't you tell?"

Valkyrie chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "I don't know if that's a good idea… you have poor taste in men…"

"That's because I generally don't date men." Skulduggery said.

Valkyrie looked forward at the TV again, thinking for a moment. "Alright… alright… well maybe. But I have some ground rules."

"Go ahead." Skulduggery crossed his legs and leaned back into the chair.

"Well he has to be tall." She began. "And intelligent – I won't spend the night in the company of an idiot."

"Understandable."

"No mortals. He needs to be a sorcerer; I don't want to have to hide myself. But no vampires."

"Obviously."

"And he has to be hot."

Skulduggery would have grinned if he could. "Done. I know the perfect man. He'll pick you up tomorrow at eight."

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Valkyrie looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a little black dress that hugged her in all the right places, accentuating her cleavage and showing off her legs. She wore sparkly black high-heels and held a matching clutch-bag. Her hair was gorgeously curled and her makeup was natural. She looked beautiful.

The doorbell rang and she walked downstairs to open it. Her face fell when she saw no one was there. She was about to fly into a blind rage and call Skulduggery when she looked down and saw a note and a single red rose on the door mat. She picked up the rose and the note. It read: _Your chariot awaits._

Valkyrie looked up in time to see a horse-drawn cart pull up outside the mansion gates. She broke into a grin, and walked out to the cart.

A footman got down from the carriage and smiled at Valkyrie. "I'm here to take you to your date, Miss Cain."

She smiled. "Damn right."

She let him help her inside the carriage and she sat down. Inside was another rose and note, accompanied by a heart-shaped box of chocolates. The note read: _I'll see you soon_.

She smiled and the carriage pulled away. Half an hour later they were pulling over and the footman was helping Valkyrie down from the carriage. They were at a pier. He nodded to the end of the pier. "Just over there, Miss Cain. There's a speedboat waiting. The driver will take you on further."

Valkyrie beamed at him and kissed him on the cheek. She turned and sauntered down to the end of the pier to find the speedboat waiting for her. The driver helped her in and waiting for her on the seat was another rose and note. _Not long now, I promise._

Valkyrie smiled at the driver. "Onwards, please. As fast as you can."

The driver smiled and they were soon ripping across the open sea. The journey was another half an hour. They pulled up on a distant shore. There was a cliff line, fully off grassy banks and sand dunes. Upon the sand was a little beach house.

The driver helped Valkyrie out and guided her up to the beach house where a butler let her in. Inside on a little table by the door, another rose and another note. _I'm not here yet, but I will be soon. Wait for me in the dining room_.

Valkyrie smiled and carried her four roses to the dining room. It was gorgeous, all set up for a dinner for two. On the table were a vase of red roses and Valkyrie added her four before sitting down.

"Hello." A velvet voice echoed from behind her.

Valkyrie turned and her jaw dropped. He was definitely tall. Well dressed, intelligent, a sorcerer. "Skulduggery?"

"Did you like the notes? The roses?" He said, walking towards her.

She stood up and laughed. "Well yes… I can't believe you did all this for me…"

"You look surprised."

"I just wasn't expecting you."

He laughed. "Do you really think I would set you up with anyone but me?"

She struggled for an answer. "Well… I don't know…"

"Why would I let anyone else have _my_ Valkyrie?"

Her eyebrows lifted. "_Your _Valkyrie, am I?"

Skulduggery tilted his head in a way that said he was smiling. "I have one more note for you." He reached inside his jacket and pulled out another red rose and a note. He handed it to her.

Valkyrie smiled and read the note. _Be mine._

"Turn it over." He said.

She did as she was told and her heart stopped. _I love you._

Within seconds she was pulling him close, calling up his façade and kissing him. She pulled back and smiled. "Thank you for a perfect Valentine's Day."

"Thank you for being my date." He grinned and pulled her in for another kiss.

**See you on the 20****th**** I hope!**

**xoxo**


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